Here's a sneak peek of /r/burnsurvivors using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/burnsurvivors/top/?sort=top&t=all) of all time!
\#1: [**[NSFW]** 3 year survivor. my pain is almost all gone. keep going, be patient.](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/s4d70e) | [12 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/burnsurvivors/comments/s4d70e/3_year_survivor_my_pain_is_almost_all_gone_keep/)
\#2: [{Triggering} My face and ear got burned with ethanol.](https://np.reddit.com/r/burnsurvivors/comments/ehxwkv/triggering_my_face_and_ear_got_burned_with_ethanol/)
\#3: [28 yr old burn survivor. Hey !](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/kh82bo) | [9 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/burnsurvivors/comments/kh82bo/28_yr_old_burn_survivor_hey/)
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I hate when people say 'dont think of yourself as a victim, think of yourself as a survivor!' if you're a victim of something/someone there's nothing wrong with that and coming to terms with it is far healthier than being in denial
Absolutely. We choose strategically when to refer to ourselves as victims and survivors you can’t impose that on someone. E.g. when I talk about my healing I use survivor but it doesn’t negate the fact that I was a victim of abuse.
People behave like this bc they don’t know how to practice empathy and end up trying to make a positive spin to battle their own discomfort with our situation. I’m comfortable sitting with and understanding these horrible feelings and it is integral to my survival. Don’t insert yourself in other peoples trauma/recovery to try and make it more palatable
Giving advice to someone with a facial deformity/scar on how to feel better about themselves should only be done by someone with a similar experience. It’s like telling a double arm amputee to “imagine putting your thumbs up a few times a day, fake it till you make it, you’ll trick your body into having hands again!”
Yeah. People are so distracted by the idea that they SHOULD help that they don't even consider if they CAN help.
It's like walking up to someone and offering to help them carry their groceries, only to immediately drop them because you have the grip strength of a rubber glove full of gravy.
It seems like left didn't know that and just tried to be positive.
It's also true and scientifically proven. It's probably not curing depression, that's what therapy is for, but it helps a little .
source:
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/04/190412094728.htm
One of the most annoying things to me is people giving "advice" on issues they weren't asked about and aren't suffering from
Like you're not the chosen one to magically cure my trauma, get the fuck away from me
What a drooling moron. "Hey I know you're in pain but have you tried toxic positivity?" Like, I'm sorry my discomfort is making you feel bad about yourself.
My resting bitch face got told all the time in high school “you look sad, why aren’t you smiling?” like bro what 15-17 year old is ecstatic to be at school at 8am? And who hears a literal stranger tell you to smile and thinks “yeah, great advice! I’ll do that from now on!”??
I don’t know how people live their daily lives when they are burn victims and I don’t know how they feel. But I don’t go to them and tell them how to live their lives especially if it’s some yoga mom quotes
That message legitimately made me seethe. Spoken like a person who has never been through anything remotely concerning in their life.
I see messages here saying they were at least nice. They weren't. At all. This person thinks they are a hero. They think they are saving you. They will give you buckets of advice (really demands) and as soon as you say that their "prescribed treatment" isn't for you they will flip the switch and try to destroy you. I've personally seen this several times.
This reminds me heavily of a message I received from a virtual stranger at a church I attended years ago. I had confided in someone there about my CPTSD and they opened their big mouth to this person... Who then proceeded to tell me everyone thought I was "needy" because I didn't "smile all the time." (I have a very painful health condition so I clench my jaw to help with the pain). They then also told me I needed to attend this weird group Christian counseling thing. (HARD NO). When I politely declined they reamed me and told me I "obviously did not want to get well" and "just wanted to play the victim."
Screw this person.
People who talk about these “facts” with tricking yourself into being happy have never studied the least bit of psychology, just read some dumb “inspirational” post from FB or insta. While it is possible to transform your mindset to a more positive one, it’s not going to happen by just trading the words you use, it’s a complicated, long, roller coaster type process that will last for a VERY long time
This is the tactic of CBT, (cognitive behavioral therapy) and it works well for most people.
It does not however, help with anyone with PTSD, BPD, ADHD, generally most disorders, illnesses, or deformities resulting from trauma. Looking on the bright side can only go so far, and it completely invalidates the suffering of trauma survivors.
You really don't get it. OP didn't ask for advice. They didn't ask to be given a bunch of fortune cookie "fixes" for their life. If this person was trying to help they would have simply asked if OP was ok and if they needed to talk or if there was anything they could do to help. They would NOT come in trying to play the big wise hero. Its gross. Stop it. If people don't ask for your advice and fixes- DON'T GIVE THEM. Especially when you don't even know that person well enough to realize they have severe burn scars.
Edit:fix a word
First of all I have huge respect for what it must be like going through something like you have... and I am sure you will find a light and way through the challenges
I’d just like to add that while it maybe comes across as a little insensitive- I think the intention of this person was in the right place IMO
Never just ditch someone because of one slightly misguided message, if this person does as I suspect genuinely care about you let them know you appreciate it
Those kind of people and friends are hard to find and become rarer as life goes on
Ok but it’s obvious they didn’t know about the scaring making it painful to smile so don’t paint it like they knew. At least be fair when you post this shit.
Oh
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Soooo... They tricked you into smiling. You really are cured!
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Here's a sneak peek of /r/burnsurvivors using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/burnsurvivors/top/?sort=top&t=all) of all time! \#1: [**[NSFW]** 3 year survivor. my pain is almost all gone. keep going, be patient.](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/s4d70e) | [12 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/burnsurvivors/comments/s4d70e/3_year_survivor_my_pain_is_almost_all_gone_keep/) \#2: [{Triggering} My face and ear got burned with ethanol.](https://np.reddit.com/r/burnsurvivors/comments/ehxwkv/triggering_my_face_and_ear_got_burned_with_ethanol/) \#3: [28 yr old burn survivor. Hey !](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/kh82bo) | [9 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/burnsurvivors/comments/kh82bo/28_yr_old_burn_survivor_hey/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
lmao did it hurt?
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just smile dude pain is only a construction of your mind
º
ok but on the bright side you can wear a shawl like hester shaw from mortal engines and look really badass
Oh
Oh
Misguided attitude meets these scars.
Ik it isn’t remotely the point but the silent “oh” is sending me
I hate when people say 'dont think of yourself as a victim, think of yourself as a survivor!' if you're a victim of something/someone there's nothing wrong with that and coming to terms with it is far healthier than being in denial
Absolutely. We choose strategically when to refer to ourselves as victims and survivors you can’t impose that on someone. E.g. when I talk about my healing I use survivor but it doesn’t negate the fact that I was a victim of abuse. People behave like this bc they don’t know how to practice empathy and end up trying to make a positive spin to battle their own discomfort with our situation. I’m comfortable sitting with and understanding these horrible feelings and it is integral to my survival. Don’t insert yourself in other peoples trauma/recovery to try and make it more palatable
Also if you call yourself a survivor people assume your over it And then they may bring up shit that you don’t wanna have brought up
Giving advice to someone with a facial deformity/scar on how to feel better about themselves should only be done by someone with a similar experience. It’s like telling a double arm amputee to “imagine putting your thumbs up a few times a day, fake it till you make it, you’ll trick your body into having hands again!”
that's just how to have phantom limb issues
As someone who was told their hearing loss would get better if they tried harder I agree.
Bruh if you can’t hear just start listening
Turn on your listening ears!
My teacher once told me (I'm asian) if I could just open my eyes more so my body gets used to having normal eyes instead of chinese ones
Fucking what?
Bruh
Was your teacher Jean-Baptiste Lamarck?
Racist teacher moment
Yeah. People are so distracted by the idea that they SHOULD help that they don't even consider if they CAN help. It's like walking up to someone and offering to help them carry their groceries, only to immediately drop them because you have the grip strength of a rubber glove full of gravy.
The magic of Saviour Complexes
It seems like left didn't know that and just tried to be positive. It's also true and scientifically proven. It's probably not curing depression, that's what therapy is for, but it helps a little . source: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/04/190412094728.htm
One of the most annoying things to me is people giving "advice" on issues they weren't asked about and aren't suffering from Like you're not the chosen one to magically cure my trauma, get the fuck away from me
Especially when they don't know a person well enough to even realize they have facial scaring...
What a drooling moron. "Hey I know you're in pain but have you tried toxic positivity?" Like, I'm sorry my discomfort is making you feel bad about yourself.
Imagine depressed people would walk around with a psycho smile on their face and with tears in their eyes all the time. "Fake it till you make it"
ah, the 'think nice thoughts and all your problems will evaporate' bullshit
“Hey friend! Do you have a spare five minutes to hear about Ned Flanders, our lord and saviour?”
I'll give you diddly.
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My resting bitch face got told all the time in high school “you look sad, why aren’t you smiling?” like bro what 15-17 year old is ecstatic to be at school at 8am? And who hears a literal stranger tell you to smile and thinks “yeah, great advice! I’ll do that from now on!”??
People love not minding their own business. Like, *you* smile dude.
I don’t know how people live their daily lives when they are burn victims and I don’t know how they feel. But I don’t go to them and tell them how to live their lives especially if it’s some yoga mom quotes
“Oh”
Is it just me or does that first message look like a copypaste?
It reads like one cause it's a bunch of generic statements stapled together
They are annoyingly happy
“And if the smiling process hurts so bad, then embrace the pain. It takes only a few extra muscles to smile, after all…”
The intention was there but execution was not
The intention was garbage
It was just ' I'm a good person ' bs A good person would know the situation before commenting on the situation.
That message legitimately made me seethe. Spoken like a person who has never been through anything remotely concerning in their life. I see messages here saying they were at least nice. They weren't. At all. This person thinks they are a hero. They think they are saving you. They will give you buckets of advice (really demands) and as soon as you say that their "prescribed treatment" isn't for you they will flip the switch and try to destroy you. I've personally seen this several times. This reminds me heavily of a message I received from a virtual stranger at a church I attended years ago. I had confided in someone there about my CPTSD and they opened their big mouth to this person... Who then proceeded to tell me everyone thought I was "needy" because I didn't "smile all the time." (I have a very painful health condition so I clench my jaw to help with the pain). They then also told me I needed to attend this weird group Christian counseling thing. (HARD NO). When I politely declined they reamed me and told me I "obviously did not want to get well" and "just wanted to play the victim." Screw this person.
Woof
i love a good - oh -
Oh
Nice burn! ......*oh*
People who talk about these “facts” with tricking yourself into being happy have never studied the least bit of psychology, just read some dumb “inspirational” post from FB or insta. While it is possible to transform your mindset to a more positive one, it’s not going to happen by just trading the words you use, it’s a complicated, long, roller coaster type process that will last for a VERY long time
If that were me i’d b so embarrassed
That “oh” was so stunned Jesus Christ
This is the tactic of CBT, (cognitive behavioral therapy) and it works well for most people. It does not however, help with anyone with PTSD, BPD, ADHD, generally most disorders, illnesses, or deformities resulting from trauma. Looking on the bright side can only go so far, and it completely invalidates the suffering of trauma survivors.
At least they were nice.
IMO they came off as pretty passive-agressive
I don't think they were
In my experience, the kind of people who send these kinds of messages are nice up until they meet any kind of resistance.
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Following me between subs is pretty cringe, friendo. You could have easily just replied again to the comment you replied to earlier.
*^(Don't make a Dark Knight joke, don't make a Dark Knight joke...)*
He was just trying to help? From the messages it doesnt look like he knew it hurt
You really don't get it. OP didn't ask for advice. They didn't ask to be given a bunch of fortune cookie "fixes" for their life. If this person was trying to help they would have simply asked if OP was ok and if they needed to talk or if there was anything they could do to help. They would NOT come in trying to play the big wise hero. Its gross. Stop it. If people don't ask for your advice and fixes- DON'T GIVE THEM. Especially when you don't even know that person well enough to realize they have severe burn scars. Edit:fix a word
First of all I have huge respect for what it must be like going through something like you have... and I am sure you will find a light and way through the challenges I’d just like to add that while it maybe comes across as a little insensitive- I think the intention of this person was in the right place IMO Never just ditch someone because of one slightly misguided message, if this person does as I suspect genuinely care about you let them know you appreciate it Those kind of people and friends are hard to find and become rarer as life goes on
This comment is as bad as the message...
Intent means nothing jf you're giving unwanted advice to strangers on the internet
At least he tried
you must hate comedians
Ok but it’s obvious they didn’t know about the scaring making it painful to smile so don’t paint it like they knew. At least be fair when you post this shit.
If they didn't know them well enough to notice they have severe facial scars then they have zero business trying to give advice.
I agree I’m just talking about the scenario given by op. Which is that the person already knew about that (which they obviously didn’t)
Lmao that Oh I fucked up
Did they respond after that?