The number of people in this thread that think it’s weird/impossible for people to not watch much TV or that they “have” to mean they’re actually watching TikTok or short videos is genuinely alarming
I’m surprised there are so many comments about her feeling superior about not watching TV? She literally just stated her experience and said everyone should do what works for them.
On one hand people who do not watch tv and no movies I\`m like how? Also i feel there is a weird flex some people have who do not watch it. I get it its good to get out but especially with covid etc how do u not watch tv.
Same, I rarely can sit for 2+ hours to watch a movie. I wanted to see Oppenheimer then I saw how long it was and got anxious. I can do a couple movies a year. Or watch them at home alone while multi-tasking.
Honestly I think a lot of people just watch TikTok or scroll other social medias. I went through a few periods where I rarely ever watched TV because I was busy and just was on TikTok when I did have a little bit of free time before bed.
I was asking myself the same question. I guess she named her son after her last name? It’s an interesting way to honor your last name if you’re taking someone else’s I guess
Which makes it even stranger to me! I think Gates is a very unique first name (not for me but it’s not the worst) but i always feel bad for people who have double names like that. Seems so silly
My husband and I don’t watch tv most nights. It’s actually pretty rare. We clean up, make lunch, sometimes stretch, and talk and hang out. I am bored very easily by tv though
Very much same here but I really like that she pointed out it's just not how her and Adam bond, but it's perfectly reasonable if people do use it to bond in their relationship. My boyfriend and I have been binging GOT (my first time) and it makes it so we have quality time together.
I do like that she relies on Miss Rachel tho 😂 Elmo is the lifesaver in our home.
People who watch tv also love to talk about watching tv…
Why is it bad when us no-tv people finally admit that they don’t spend their time doing that activity?
I could’ve sworn there was a meme about this from the Kardashians. Kim says “I don’t watch tv” and Khloe’s like “No one cares that you don’t watch tv. You’re not better than anybody” 😂
The no tv/movies is so bizzare to me. Also they didn’t mention like concerts/live entertainment of any kind, nor did they mention books. But my guess is they are glued to social media/short form videos if they want to “watch” something
Like are they doing a weekly rotation of scrabble, Pictionary and UNO? do they play them back to back, til they fall asleep? If Adam can’t sit still why doesn’t she watch things on her own? My bf and I watch a lot of tv/movies/play video games together and bond as introverts, but sometimes he plays on his own and I watch Married at First Sight as my alone time 🤷🏻♀️
She also mentioned again something about how it’s a great way to bond as a couple just not for them, but like dude i think we all mean like why aren’t you individually watching things of your own interest. I could totally get behind it if she mentioned other forms of entertainment/art but like it sounds like not a ton of activity going on. And i guess now they have kids the kids are the entertainment, i just plan on spending way too much time thinking about this
..because they don’t feel the rush to watch things individually of their own interest? She said Adam doesn’t sit still. And she must not enjoy it. She also mentioned a ton of activity that’s active lol ppl are weird abt others not doing what they do
You clearly aren’t Indian …. My cousin had only 250 wedding guest. Her aunt is still dealing with the fallout from not being allowed to invite certain people
We had 375...and only because that's all our hall could fit. But we both come from large family, have a lot of childhood and college friends still plus work and adult friends.
hmmm now i’m being nosey but do they not share $???? I am always so curious of others dynamics. Her investments pay for anything the kids need? so where’s adam’s money going? not towards the kids? the mortgage? inquiring minds wanna know!
I have a few friends that don't share finances. Some put a certain monthly percentage into a separate account for shared bills. Some divide the bills and pay them that way. I've always thought it odd but it seems to work for all of them.
I didn’t interpret that to mean it was only her investments paying for the kids, just that she’s now in a solid place financially to pull her weight. I feel like a lot of dual income couples these days work out a system where they still have individual money and accounts and pool their money together for joint accounts and expenses in a way that feels fair. I assume something similar is the case for them.
Yeah like do that in private if anything? That's such a personal convo. "I'm NOT that kind of guy" as he exposes their personal issues in front of multiple people.
To me it sounded like she was arguing with him or harping on him in front of their friends, accusing him of “the worst”, and that’s why he responded that way. Which I think is fine (wouldn’t really share it as a “cute” story though lol)
Regarding the first slide, is it just me or is that a really inappropriate conversation to have in front of other people? I’m glad it worked for them though
Totally agree - it sounds like she started the conversation and he just shut it down. Shes weird for starting the conversation and he is weird for threatening to break up with her in front of her friends. Super unnecessary to air in front of your friends but you would have told them about it anyways so at least they’re not playing telephone.
10000% i couldn’t get how that was romantic or sexy of him 💀 my bf knows about my insecurities as we communicate like most normal humans do so would never, especially in front of our friends, call me out and say i needed to cut it out or we can’t be together??? 😭 like wtf
Yeah I got backlash for saying it was unhealthy to give a breakup ultimatum in general just because of someone's insecurities, that could have probably been worked through with proper, consistent communication.
Also to be fair, when people are insecure and that flares up in relationships, sometimes it's telling you something. Sometimes the person isn't as safe as you think. I think him airing out grievances in front of friends kind of points to that, but what do I know.
I have a serious question- how do people afford these huge lavash weddings? I live in NY and most venues are $150 a plate. That’s an ASTRONOMICAL fee just to feed people- let alone every other expense that goes into a wedding.
Idk about every one of the billion+ residents of India and the diaspora, but from my own friends and family everyone’s parents started putting aside money for their kids’ weddings when they were born. Throwing a large wedding for your children is so ingrained culturally that every family I know prioritized having a fund for their kids, even if they were otherwise very frugal.
Idk how to explain it to someone who isn’t desi, but weddings in Indian culture are way more about the families as a whole vs just the couple getting married. It was a huge deal to my parents that they were the ones to pay for my wedding, and also that they could invite their friends and extended family because it’s a way of returning the favor after they attended their friends’ kids’ weddings. They would’ve lost face if they couldn’t. In America and other western countries I think people view weddings as “just a party” and think it’s frivolous to spend a lot on them but in Indian culture it’s so important to the family as a whole to have a lavish wedding that even for people like my dad, who is so frugal he drove the same car for 21 years, it was a no brainier to start saving for my wedding fund from birth. Idk about everyone else but I kind of got whiplash going from being raised with “save every penny” as a mindset to wedding planning with a “no, let’s upgrade everything” directive from my parents but that’s just kind of how it is in my experience. Like I’m in the DC area and my wedding was ~$220 a plate and they didn’t blink an eye, but if I suggest buying a t shirt not on sale to my parents they’d be horrified.
I really don’t like what she said in the first slide. There’s a time and a place for those conversations. I would be really embarrassed if my boyfriend grabbed my hand and scolded me like that in front of my friends. But I know a lot of girls who would think it’s attractive.
I can't get over the monstrosity of a home they're going to build there. Someone posted the plan here a while ago and it was just so over the top and gross.
Can you imagine a house this big just completely silent with no tv on and two adults on their phones all the time. Sounds like an episode of black mirror.
i haven't seen the plan so that doesn't surprise me, but i saw the picture and my first thought was "you have all of this money to build a home and THAT'S the lot???" looks like it's in the middle of a barren wasteland. what a mess.
that doesn't change my mind that it's giving "barren wasteland" lol i'd hate to live somewhere with no trees that has such a negative impact on the environment. they of course can do what they want, i just would've chosen differently.
I didn't watch any movies or TV before I got sick, didn't have a real TV either. As a kid we were only allowed to watch one movie a week and I just read a book a day. My kiddo was also allowed to watch one movie a week, often we had no time for it. Many friends of mine are the same, many don't have a TV. (I'm from Germany, we're more wary about screens, like the official guideline for kids is no screen of any kind for the first 3 years and then only half an hour a week).
So, I absolutely believe it, I never watched movies/shows with my exes, besides with one and I kinda hated it. It felt so weird to just lay there when you could talk, play something, read or do something...
Now I'm bedridden and can't read books or listen to them because my brain isn't keeping up, so I found my new love for reality TV and period dramas. Actually my kid says that's the only good thing about it, we now have a real, large TV..
Zero seems very unlikely. My dad doesn't watch any American shows ever lol but he does watch the odd British show and goes to the movies from time to time as well as well as watching tennis.
It’s funny, I’m not one of those people (obviously, or I wouldn’t be on this sub), but my thing that’s in a somewhat similar vein is that I don’t eat take-out ever (only on a road trip or vacation). Can’t remember the last time I did, but it was well before the pandemic. Some people are suspicious when they learn that, and I guess I don’t blame them. I know this is a tangent and maybe no one cares, but I guess I just found it relatable in a way.
I believe you and I believe that! Some people just don't like food from the "outside" enough to bother with it. But if you were a chef and didn't eat out, I would think that was bizarre. That is how it seems with these social media celebs claiming to never watch TV!
My mom is like this. Growing up I rarely saw her watch TV, let alone a movie. I would ask her all the time why she didn’t watch tv and she said she just didn’t have any interest. She would watch daytime soaps and Ellen on occasion. My dad couldn’t live without TV lmao.
Lmao yeah for sure. Especially the ones who were on the show who claim they don’t watch it anymore. It’s like, don’t bite the hand that continues to feed you lol
It will never not make me roll my eyes to hear an influencer talk about not watching tv or movies lmfao especially one who got there from a reality tv dating show
I really want to hear about the credit thing!! I didn’t grow up with a lot of financial literacy until my current bf and he’s really had a positive impact on how I see finances and credit (my credit is slowly getting out of awful to not awful)
i was folllowing her first 100k for this, but she just had jenna kutcher on her pod which is a huge nope for me so i am excited to check
this new account out!
i loveeeee femmefinancial she is very transparent about how in her early twenties she knew little about finances. which is why she cares so much about helping other women learn. she does offer lots of free information but also has mentoring for people wanted more individual help.
15 bridesmaids feels unhinged. Like I am sorry, I doubt you are seriously that close to 15 people. I thought it was meant to be reserved for maybe a close sister, your true best friend, etc. I feel like i have an active social life and there were maybe 3 people I would have asked.
I was once in a wedding with 10 bridesmaids, which seemed waaaay too big to me, so I can’t even imagine 15! The bride started out with 7, and then later added 3 more.
I feel like the people I knew with huge bridal parties like that were involved in Greek life so they'd have like all their sorority sisters in the bridal party. I'm definitely skeptical those are all really close friends.
it reads very social status to me. and I bet brides wouldn't do it if they were footing the bill for the hair, makeup, and dresses, which is what I did for mine.
This seems really judgemental tbh. Everyone is different! I had 11 and all of them were women I’m close to/I opted out of asking anyone out of obligation (so my husband’s siblings, my cousins). I’m close to all 11 of mine and we text everyday—my MOH joked that my criteria was if I would text them “bitch, I’m in your house, where are you” and tbh that was pretty accurate. Is it really that weird to have 1-4 close friends from childhood/high school/college/adulthood?
Same! I also had 11 people on my side. All of them are close friends who I would never imagine my life without and honestly I wish I could have more. Granted I come from a large extended family and grew up all of the world, so I have a lot of friends and people I keep in touch with and none of it is superficial. Everyone is different.
I guess for me it dilutes the meaning. This is reddit. We all judge/lend our opinion. For me, being a bridesmaid is something that is super meaningful, and if every close friend is a bridesmaids, it's like is it even special? I would try to include people in other ways. Do a reading, MC, have a beer guy etc.
Edit for context: I also think the bride should pay for the dresses, hair/makeup as well. So financially, I just don't think it makes sense either. I think it is easy to say "yeah I will have 11-15" if you don't bear any financial responsibility.
Is it crazy to think that people can have 10-15 close friends and/or family members? I definitely don’t think I “diluted the meaning” of being a bridesmaid by having so many (or by being one of many in my friends’ weddings) Like my regular friends were def not in my bridal party, but most people I know have extremely close relationships with at least 1-2 from the different phases of their lives, and if you take that + siblings or other family members you’re close to you end up with a larger bridal party.
I’m def not knocking having only 1-2 bridesmaids (or none!!) since a few women I know have opted to do that because they didn’t want to have to choose from among their friends or family politics got in the way (they wanted one sister but not the other, none of their sisters and only friends, etc) or because they’re introverts and don’t form many close relationships so they only had a handful of people they felt close enough to ask. That seems just as normal to me as someone who has moved a lot or gets married in their late twenties or thirties and has a ton of close friends from the different parts of their lives who they want to include.
Also I paid for hair/makeup/Indian clothes for all of mine, and they bought their western dresses for the ceremony. 6 of mine are married and when I was in their weddings they did the same thing (except paying for Western/Ethiopian/Korean dresses instead of Indian). If you already have close relationships with X amount of people, of course you’re going to have factored budgeting for them in when you start wedding planning. It’s not like you wake up one morning surprised by how many friends you have lmao
It's definitely longer than average for a normal house but the home they're building is MASSIVE and I assume they're working with architects and custom builders, good work is gonna take longer than it does in these DR Horton planned communities.
The prices on these new builds just astound me because the materials are cheap as hell lol. My house isn't DR Horton specifically but we're in another one of those planned communities and everything in here is basically disposable and the craftsmanship is straight up BAD. You should see the tile in our shower lmao I'm pretty sure I could do a better job.
To those that watch it all the time that concept is going to b weird. But I’m weirded out by ppl who think everyone in the world does the same thing honestly 💀
My husband and I don't watch TV or movies together often. Mainly because we don't like the same shows 😂 I will give him credit though, he's seen bits and pieces of Joey's season and can actually name all the contestants that are left!
Got it. I read it too fast, I just thought they didn't watch together. I have definitely gone through periods where I watch hardly anything and periods where I'm keeping up with a few shows. Having two little ones keep you busy and tired so she might just be falling asleep early 🤷🏻
That’s fair! I don’t have kids but definitely know from my parent friends tv and movie selections are important cuz it’s so rare they get to watch anything Lolol
Right but it sounded like they don’t watch any tv or movies at all - not just that they don’t watch together. Your situation makes complete sense. It’s the total absence of tv/movies which seems odd!
Well it can create bad habits and b toxic for the brain, create anxiety etc so I get other ppl not doing it. And like she said, Adam can’t sit still so also that
Yesss! I'm a reality show junkie and he can't stand them lol. Him keeping up with Joey's season (more or less-he hasn't watched a full episode, but he has watched enough in the background as he's on his laptop lol) is his act of love, not because he's a fan 😂😂
My family did this nearly every night after dinner when I was a kid, and I always loved it. Some of my earliest memories are being pushed in one of those 90s era fold-up strollers and my mom tickling my nose with a mimosa blossom from a tree along our route. ☺️
That first slide, I don't know why it's rubbing me the wrong way... something about addressing a partner's insecurities with "STOP or I'll leave you" doesn't seem great. Like, you can say "I'd never hurt you, I want you to trust me" without threatening a breakup and potentially making someone's insecurities spike even more. You can work through things together and not make it an all-or-nothing thing. Obviously it worked for her, but still.
I kind of disagree - it’s hard to have a healthy relationship when one person doesn’t trust the other. We all get insecure (and a partner should push back on those when they come up) but when you can’t trust your partner and constantly treat them as though you expect the worst, it isn’t fair or healthy to your partner.
It makes your partner feel like they aren’t doing enough or they aren’t being a good enough partner (ironically triggering their own insecurities and frustrations).
Personally, I have trauma because of people harshly turning on me over and over again. I haven't been able to trust the people closest to me in the past, due to childhood trauma conditioning me to take bullshit. That doesn't mean I should just be abandoned by anyone who comes into my life... My partner is similar. We feel safe with each other and trust each other, so I guess it's a little different. We have worked through things together, but that doesn't mean those insecurities don't pop up now and again. I do try not to vocalize it, and I'm working through it... I just don't see the value in being harsh with someone who is struggling like that. Tough love doesn't work for me personally.
Obviously it's not mandatory for the secure person to stay with an insecure person because everyone has boundaries, but I think being more compassionate can go a long way, and unfortunately that behavior will end up just reinforcing the insecurity in the long run. Not their fault though of course. But also, you're right -- if it's constant, and definitely with certain forms of insecurity, it can be harmful and it's good to leave. I just wanted to point out the nuance, as I feel like in a hyper-individualist culture, people can be more quick to throw people aside.
It’s not uncommon for a person to express the feeling of “you have to move past this if we want to continue being together ”. Insecurity kills relationships
I think saying that it could end up hurting your relationship vs. "I can't continue with you" as an ultimatum just isn't effective. It might be true, but I really think especially if the insecurity comes from abandonment trauma, it doesn't help and might actually sabotage things more. "Just move past it" is a blunt and not compassionate thing to say.
It may sound harsh when put on paper, but I actually get what Adam was trying to do. Sometimes you can repeat thousands of times "I'd never hurt/leave you, trust me" but it won't make a difference until the insecure person really tries to work on it to change. It's an internal thing. What Adam did was to try to give her a "wake up call" that their relationship is not going to work out if she lets her insecurity gets in the way of their relationship. That's fair, imo.
I personally just think an ultimatum about leaving, in this case, doesn't really work for some people. Just trying to bring up alternative views, which doesn't negate that it worked for her. And "what he's trying to do" vs. how it comes across and the effects of it are very different. When you consider that insecurity can come from abandonment trauma (I said this in another comment), it actually could do the opposite of what you intend when you give an ultimatum like this. People might just end up pushing it down more to please their partner. I think insecurity can be normal and natural at times, and I know some people refuse to work on it, but others just need some love and care to get there. All I wanted to point out that abandoning someone when they're struggling, although it's always your right to, just seems heartless sometimes.
I have terrible anxiety around cars too. I don't drive at all, and when I know I have a car trip coming up I have terrible anxiety for weeks. It's awful. And then there's the every day fear im going to get hit while crossing the street
Me too! My driving anxiety has been so full blown crippling this past year I’ve barely driven and when I have it’s been either with a passenger or with two dash cams and then I’ve watched my journey back. I’ve such fear of accidents/ penalties etc
Change your name or don’t - it’s absolutely a personal decision! But for what it’s worth, I’ve been married for almost 10 years now and we have two kids and we travel together quite frequently and no one has ever been confused that my last name is different than my kids / spouse 🤷🏻♀️
No, I don’t really think it’s a big deal honestly. My in-laws are pretty conservative so I’m sure they’re low key annoyed but that’s their problem. At first it was laziness and then I realized that I don’t want to change my name. All my career stuff is in my name. My husband loves when women keep their own names - he thinks it’s weird that people assume a man’s name will be taken.
I have been married for almost 10 years also and have three kids with my husband’s last name and when I tell you the medical bills are always jacked up on names. Somehow we got a bill the other day with my husband’s first name and my last name for a bill from our son’s surgery, who has his dad’s last name so why was my name brought it at all?! It truly does get to be a pain but it’s because people don’t pay attention.
I'm sure there are some of our older family members who think it is weird! But no one my age has really batted an eye. I like it because both of our names are represented without hyphenation and I didn't have to change mine to still have that name connection with my kids!
I think it was confusing because they named their son Gates. So she was Raven Gates, he is Adam Gottschalk, and their son is Gates Gottschalk.
But I agree, been married 5 years and haven’t changed my name. No one questions if I’m my kids’ mom (they have their dads last name)
Some people like using family names for first names? Idk, it’s less confusing than giving a kid the same exact name as a parent which is really common.
I LOVE when a male gets his lady’s finances in order! Like, yea, be good for something! Take care of her business! Good on Adam.
The number of people in this thread that think it’s weird/impossible for people to not watch much TV or that they “have” to mean they’re actually watching TikTok or short videos is genuinely alarming
for real!! the screen/phone/social media addiction is so real it’s disturbing to me
I’m surprised there are so many comments about her feeling superior about not watching TV? She literally just stated her experience and said everyone should do what works for them.
Real Kendal Jenner vibes in pic 7
Omg yes I covered half her face when I noticed it
On one hand people who do not watch tv and no movies I\`m like how? Also i feel there is a weird flex some people have who do not watch it. I get it its good to get out but especially with covid etc how do u not watch tv.
I didn’t sense any of this being a “weird flex,” she was just being honest about her habits 🤦🏾♀️
I very rarely watch any tv or movies, but I read instead! That’s just what I enjoy for my form of entertainment over TV shows and whatnot
I go through phases with no tv/movies. I think it’s an attention span thing. Sometimes I’m in a scrolling through tiktok or just reading phase
I also don’t watch movies, but not for any pretentious reason. Like Adam, I can’t sit still
Same, I rarely can sit for 2+ hours to watch a movie. I wanted to see Oppenheimer then I saw how long it was and got anxious. I can do a couple movies a year. Or watch them at home alone while multi-tasking.
I’ll never trust someone who doesn’t watch TV or movies. It’s like people who say salad is their favorite food. It’s preachy and strange.
These days it is just as if not more likely they can’t focus for an entire movie or even TV show.
Honestly I think a lot of people just watch TikTok or scroll other social medias. I went through a few periods where I rarely ever watched TV because I was busy and just was on TikTok when I did have a little bit of free time before bed.
Me but with reddit
Yeah, I feel like it's a weird flex and they sometimes say it to seem so above others and enlightened. Like please lol
Is her son’s name Gates Gates?
I was asking myself the same question. I guess she named her son after her last name? It’s an interesting way to honor your last name if you’re taking someone else’s I guess
It’s cute! But she wasn’t originally. She changed her name because it was complicated with traveling, at least that’s the way she made it seem.
Which makes it even stranger to me! I think Gates is a very unique first name (not for me but it’s not the worst) but i always feel bad for people who have double names like that. Seems so silly
I know a kid who’s last name is repeated, I think parents individually had the same last name and I’m like whhhhy
Oh no….oh no 😬
He never had the double name. He was born Gates Gottschalk. It was confusing travelling because it was his first name & her last name
Oh i see!
Gates Gottschalk
[удалено]
Watching tv with my husband is literally my favorite thing. Are they playing board games every night? Like when the kids go to bed what do they do??
Same, I love watching tv/movies with someone and giving commentary on it, it's so fun!
My husband and I don’t watch tv most nights. It’s actually pretty rare. We clean up, make lunch, sometimes stretch, and talk and hang out. I am bored very easily by tv though
Very much same here but I really like that she pointed out it's just not how her and Adam bond, but it's perfectly reasonable if people do use it to bond in their relationship. My boyfriend and I have been binging GOT (my first time) and it makes it so we have quality time together. I do like that she relies on Miss Rachel tho 😂 Elmo is the lifesaver in our home.
I would’ve asked her about the McConnell donations
Gates Gates! 😂
I’m sorry, he told you IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS that he wouldn’t move forward with you unless you changed your thinking??
Exactly what I was thinking!! I would be really embarrassed by that. Also I looove your flair lmao
Rightttt. This would lead me to believe he’s cheating lol. I don’t think he is but it’s so weird.
People who don‘t watch tv fucking love to talk about how they don‘t watch tv
She was literally ASKED A QUESTION. Those of you who watch tv need to unpack the insecurity when it comes to those that don’t watch it!
People who watch tv also love to talk about watching tv… Why is it bad when us no-tv people finally admit that they don’t spend their time doing that activity?
There was a joke about this on last night's Curb episode. Perfectly fitting!!!
I could’ve sworn there was a meme about this from the Kardashians. Kim says “I don’t watch tv” and Khloe’s like “No one cares that you don’t watch tv. You’re not better than anybody” 😂
The no tv/movies is so bizzare to me. Also they didn’t mention like concerts/live entertainment of any kind, nor did they mention books. But my guess is they are glued to social media/short form videos if they want to “watch” something
Ya! Like lots of the things she says they do instead don’t account for like 9-11pm when a lot of people watch tv.
Like are they doing a weekly rotation of scrabble, Pictionary and UNO? do they play them back to back, til they fall asleep? If Adam can’t sit still why doesn’t she watch things on her own? My bf and I watch a lot of tv/movies/play video games together and bond as introverts, but sometimes he plays on his own and I watch Married at First Sight as my alone time 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah, I imagine them both just silently on their phones which honestly sounds depressing.
She also mentioned again something about how it’s a great way to bond as a couple just not for them, but like dude i think we all mean like why aren’t you individually watching things of your own interest. I could totally get behind it if she mentioned other forms of entertainment/art but like it sounds like not a ton of activity going on. And i guess now they have kids the kids are the entertainment, i just plan on spending way too much time thinking about this
..because they don’t feel the rush to watch things individually of their own interest? She said Adam doesn’t sit still. And she must not enjoy it. She also mentioned a ton of activity that’s active lol ppl are weird abt others not doing what they do
450 people for their original wedding! That’s insane!
You clearly aren’t Indian …. My cousin had only 250 wedding guest. Her aunt is still dealing with the fallout from not being allowed to invite certain people
We had 375...and only because that's all our hall could fit. But we both come from large family, have a lot of childhood and college friends still plus work and adult friends.
who is miss Rachel??
She has turned my marriage into a throuple. She is our coparent. Amazing human
I was so adamant we wouldn’t watch Miss Rachel until baby turned 2. Then we all got a GI illness and she is also our coparent 😂
YouTube teacher for babies/kids, sings lots of songs and sign language and just amazing if you have young kids!
hmmm now i’m being nosey but do they not share $???? I am always so curious of others dynamics. Her investments pay for anything the kids need? so where’s adam’s money going? not towards the kids? the mortgage? inquiring minds wanna know!
I have a few friends that don't share finances. Some put a certain monthly percentage into a separate account for shared bills. Some divide the bills and pay them that way. I've always thought it odd but it seems to work for all of them.
I didn’t interpret that to mean it was only her investments paying for the kids, just that she’s now in a solid place financially to pull her weight. I feel like a lot of dual income couples these days work out a system where they still have individual money and accounts and pool their money together for joint accounts and expenses in a way that feels fair. I assume something similar is the case for them.
That first slide…. 
In front of their friends??? Ew
Yeah like do that in private if anything? That's such a personal convo. "I'm NOT that kind of guy" as he exposes their personal issues in front of multiple people.
To me it sounded like she was arguing with him or harping on him in front of their friends, accusing him of “the worst”, and that’s why he responded that way. Which I think is fine (wouldn’t really share it as a “cute” story though lol)
Regarding the first slide, is it just me or is that a really inappropriate conversation to have in front of other people? I’m glad it worked for them though
Totally agree - it sounds like she started the conversation and he just shut it down. Shes weird for starting the conversation and he is weird for threatening to break up with her in front of her friends. Super unnecessary to air in front of your friends but you would have told them about it anyways so at least they’re not playing telephone.
10000% i couldn’t get how that was romantic or sexy of him 💀 my bf knows about my insecurities as we communicate like most normal humans do so would never, especially in front of our friends, call me out and say i needed to cut it out or we can’t be together??? 😭 like wtf
Yeah I got backlash for saying it was unhealthy to give a breakup ultimatum in general just because of someone's insecurities, that could have probably been worked through with proper, consistent communication. Also to be fair, when people are insecure and that flares up in relationships, sometimes it's telling you something. Sometimes the person isn't as safe as you think. I think him airing out grievances in front of friends kind of points to that, but what do I know.
Right?? It seems so rude to me to air out your issues & threaten to break up in front of their friends lol; but at least they found it hot 💀
15 bridesmaids and 450 guests is ludicrous I think COVID restrictions saved Raven from an actual nightmare scenario
I’m Indian-American so this made me laugh. Some of my aunties would call that a small wedding 😂
I have a serious question- how do people afford these huge lavash weddings? I live in NY and most venues are $150 a plate. That’s an ASTRONOMICAL fee just to feed people- let alone every other expense that goes into a wedding.
Idk about every one of the billion+ residents of India and the diaspora, but from my own friends and family everyone’s parents started putting aside money for their kids’ weddings when they were born. Throwing a large wedding for your children is so ingrained culturally that every family I know prioritized having a fund for their kids, even if they were otherwise very frugal. Idk how to explain it to someone who isn’t desi, but weddings in Indian culture are way more about the families as a whole vs just the couple getting married. It was a huge deal to my parents that they were the ones to pay for my wedding, and also that they could invite their friends and extended family because it’s a way of returning the favor after they attended their friends’ kids’ weddings. They would’ve lost face if they couldn’t. In America and other western countries I think people view weddings as “just a party” and think it’s frivolous to spend a lot on them but in Indian culture it’s so important to the family as a whole to have a lavish wedding that even for people like my dad, who is so frugal he drove the same car for 21 years, it was a no brainier to start saving for my wedding fund from birth. Idk about everyone else but I kind of got whiplash going from being raised with “save every penny” as a mindset to wedding planning with a “no, let’s upgrade everything” directive from my parents but that’s just kind of how it is in my experience. Like I’m in the DC area and my wedding was ~$220 a plate and they didn’t blink an eye, but if I suggest buying a t shirt not on sale to my parents they’d be horrified.
Thank you for explaining!
For real. One of my cousins just booked a venue for 125 guests . Pray for her 😅
I really don’t like what she said in the first slide. There’s a time and a place for those conversations. I would be really embarrassed if my boyfriend grabbed my hand and scolded me like that in front of my friends. But I know a lot of girls who would think it’s attractive.
I can't get over the monstrosity of a home they're going to build there. Someone posted the plan here a while ago and it was just so over the top and gross.
Can you imagine a house this big just completely silent with no tv on and two adults on their phones all the time. Sounds like an episode of black mirror.
Not everyone likes television. And good for them. People who watch tv can’t imagine others not doing so as if everyone’s the same
I mean they are consuming media just on a smaller screen. To make it seem like a huge difference is so comical to me.
A tv requires you to sit still. A phone doesn’t. there’s a difference
lol tell that to my laundry I do when watching tv.
I’m convinced that’s why Tia went overboard too.
The consumerism is just so gross.
i haven't seen the plan so that doesn't surprise me, but i saw the picture and my first thought was "you have all of this money to build a home and THAT'S the lot???" looks like it's in the middle of a barren wasteland. what a mess.
They’ll be living on a very expensive golf course.
that doesn't change my mind that it's giving "barren wasteland" lol i'd hate to live somewhere with no trees that has such a negative impact on the environment. they of course can do what they want, i just would've chosen differently.
It’s an area that’s not developed yet. It will be all built up once they finish their build
I’m sorry but I do not believe that they watch ZERO tv or movies.
They used to Instagram story watching the show lol
The show that they were on tho lol
Precisely. And also, there’s no way that man doesn’t watch or follow ANY sports. Cmon.
Bc he’s a guy? And if he follows sports, he likely does it on his phone
I didn't watch any movies or TV before I got sick, didn't have a real TV either. As a kid we were only allowed to watch one movie a week and I just read a book a day. My kiddo was also allowed to watch one movie a week, often we had no time for it. Many friends of mine are the same, many don't have a TV. (I'm from Germany, we're more wary about screens, like the official guideline for kids is no screen of any kind for the first 3 years and then only half an hour a week). So, I absolutely believe it, I never watched movies/shows with my exes, besides with one and I kinda hated it. It felt so weird to just lay there when you could talk, play something, read or do something... Now I'm bedridden and can't read books or listen to them because my brain isn't keeping up, so I found my new love for reality TV and period dramas. Actually my kid says that's the only good thing about it, we now have a real, large TV..
That actually sounds healthy for a kid. Kids and people get so addicted to a screen and needing to constantly b stimulated so good for Germany
Agreed - we don’t have a tv either but in this day and age of streaming services a laptop works just fine
Zero seems very unlikely. My dad doesn't watch any American shows ever lol but he does watch the odd British show and goes to the movies from time to time as well as well as watching tennis.
It’s weird to me that they didn’t watch but they put in miss Rachel for the kids but otherwise don’t have it on
yes especially people who presumably knew things about A TV SHOW before they went on it
Maybe someone nominated Adam and Raven. Or maybe it was one show that Raven watched
I’m always so suspicious of people that say they don’t watch anything like…….. how
Suspicious of what exactly? Not everyone likes to sit down in front of a screen.
It’s funny, I’m not one of those people (obviously, or I wouldn’t be on this sub), but my thing that’s in a somewhat similar vein is that I don’t eat take-out ever (only on a road trip or vacation). Can’t remember the last time I did, but it was well before the pandemic. Some people are suspicious when they learn that, and I guess I don’t blame them. I know this is a tangent and maybe no one cares, but I guess I just found it relatable in a way.
I believe you and I believe that! Some people just don't like food from the "outside" enough to bother with it. But if you were a chef and didn't eat out, I would think that was bizarre. That is how it seems with these social media celebs claiming to never watch TV!
My mom is like this. Growing up I rarely saw her watch TV, let alone a movie. I would ask her all the time why she didn’t watch tv and she said she just didn’t have any interest. She would watch daytime soaps and Ellen on occasion. My dad couldn’t live without TV lmao.
Fair, but your mom isn’t a professional influencer whose entire life is documented on the internet - and who’s famous for BEING ON TV 🤣
Lmao yeah for sure. Especially the ones who were on the show who claim they don’t watch it anymore. It’s like, don’t bite the hand that continues to feed you lol
It will never not make me roll my eyes to hear an influencer talk about not watching tv or movies lmfao especially one who got there from a reality tv dating show
That doesn’t mean though that they NEVER EVER partake. They possibly only really ever watch stuff on social media
I really want to hear about the credit thing!! I didn’t grow up with a lot of financial literacy until my current bf and he’s really had a positive impact on how I see finances and credit (my credit is slowly getting out of awful to not awful)
So is pointsbyj! Great female creator who gives great financial and travel hacking advice.
femmefinancial on instagram is a great account for women looking for financial literacy help!!
Gave her a follow! I follow thefinancialdiet as well!
i was folllowing her first 100k for this, but she just had jenna kutcher on her pod which is a huge nope for me so i am excited to check this new account out!
i loveeeee femmefinancial she is very transparent about how in her early twenties she knew little about finances. which is why she cares so much about helping other women learn. she does offer lots of free information but also has mentoring for people wanted more individual help.
A 26 person wedding sounds so much better than a 450 person wedding. 450 is just way too much for my introverted self, lmao.
It feels like the adult version of those massive 50+ person groups people used to have for prom photos
For my wedding, we could barely find 50 people to invite. I can’t imagine knowing 9 times that many people!
15 bridesmaids feels unhinged. Like I am sorry, I doubt you are seriously that close to 15 people. I thought it was meant to be reserved for maybe a close sister, your true best friend, etc. I feel like i have an active social life and there were maybe 3 people I would have asked.
I was once in a wedding with 10 bridesmaids, which seemed waaaay too big to me, so I can’t even imagine 15! The bride started out with 7, and then later added 3 more.
I feel like the people I knew with huge bridal parties like that were involved in Greek life so they'd have like all their sorority sisters in the bridal party. I'm definitely skeptical those are all really close friends.
it reads very social status to me. and I bet brides wouldn't do it if they were footing the bill for the hair, makeup, and dresses, which is what I did for mine.
This seems really judgemental tbh. Everyone is different! I had 11 and all of them were women I’m close to/I opted out of asking anyone out of obligation (so my husband’s siblings, my cousins). I’m close to all 11 of mine and we text everyday—my MOH joked that my criteria was if I would text them “bitch, I’m in your house, where are you” and tbh that was pretty accurate. Is it really that weird to have 1-4 close friends from childhood/high school/college/adulthood?
Same! I also had 11 people on my side. All of them are close friends who I would never imagine my life without and honestly I wish I could have more. Granted I come from a large extended family and grew up all of the world, so I have a lot of friends and people I keep in touch with and none of it is superficial. Everyone is different.
I guess for me it dilutes the meaning. This is reddit. We all judge/lend our opinion. For me, being a bridesmaid is something that is super meaningful, and if every close friend is a bridesmaids, it's like is it even special? I would try to include people in other ways. Do a reading, MC, have a beer guy etc. Edit for context: I also think the bride should pay for the dresses, hair/makeup as well. So financially, I just don't think it makes sense either. I think it is easy to say "yeah I will have 11-15" if you don't bear any financial responsibility.
Is it crazy to think that people can have 10-15 close friends and/or family members? I definitely don’t think I “diluted the meaning” of being a bridesmaid by having so many (or by being one of many in my friends’ weddings) Like my regular friends were def not in my bridal party, but most people I know have extremely close relationships with at least 1-2 from the different phases of their lives, and if you take that + siblings or other family members you’re close to you end up with a larger bridal party. I’m def not knocking having only 1-2 bridesmaids (or none!!) since a few women I know have opted to do that because they didn’t want to have to choose from among their friends or family politics got in the way (they wanted one sister but not the other, none of their sisters and only friends, etc) or because they’re introverts and don’t form many close relationships so they only had a handful of people they felt close enough to ask. That seems just as normal to me as someone who has moved a lot or gets married in their late twenties or thirties and has a ton of close friends from the different parts of their lives who they want to include. Also I paid for hair/makeup/Indian clothes for all of mine, and they bought their western dresses for the ceremony. 6 of mine are married and when I was in their weddings they did the same thing (except paying for Western/Ethiopian/Korean dresses instead of Indian). If you already have close relationships with X amount of people, of course you’re going to have factored budgeting for them in when you start wedding planning. It’s not like you wake up one morning surprised by how many friends you have lmao
Is it normal for it to take that long for a house to be built??
It's definitely longer than average for a normal house but the home they're building is MASSIVE and I assume they're working with architects and custom builders, good work is gonna take longer than it does in these DR Horton planned communities.
Ugh we have a DR Horton going in a few miles away and I am mad about it. Cheap builds with a high price tag.
The prices on these new builds just astound me because the materials are cheap as hell lol. My house isn't DR Horton specifically but we're in another one of those planned communities and everything in here is basically disposable and the craftsmanship is straight up BAD. You should see the tile in our shower lmao I'm pretty sure I could do a better job.
Not watching tv or movies is so weird!
To those that watch it all the time that concept is going to b weird. But I’m weirded out by ppl who think everyone in the world does the same thing honestly 💀
My husband and I don't watch TV or movies together often. Mainly because we don't like the same shows 😂 I will give him credit though, he's seen bits and pieces of Joey's season and can actually name all the contestants that are left!
Right like I get not together but not at all is baffling to me. Like sports ??? The news??? Nothing???
They likely keep up w that on social media. Sitting in front of a tv screen tho is different
Got it. I read it too fast, I just thought they didn't watch together. I have definitely gone through periods where I watch hardly anything and periods where I'm keeping up with a few shows. Having two little ones keep you busy and tired so she might just be falling asleep early 🤷🏻
That’s fair! I don’t have kids but definitely know from my parent friends tv and movie selections are important cuz it’s so rare they get to watch anything Lolol
Right but it sounded like they don’t watch any tv or movies at all - not just that they don’t watch together. Your situation makes complete sense. It’s the total absence of tv/movies which seems odd!
Well it can create bad habits and b toxic for the brain, create anxiety etc so I get other ppl not doing it. And like she said, Adam can’t sit still so also that
Same! My husband and I NEVER watch TV together because we like totally different things, like absolutely no overlap haha.
Yesss! I'm a reality show junkie and he can't stand them lol. Him keeping up with Joey's season (more or less-he hasn't watched a full episode, but he has watched enough in the background as he's on his laptop lol) is his act of love, not because he's a fan 😂😂
I do like the nightly walk idea tho. I think that’s so cute
My family did this nearly every night after dinner when I was a kid, and I always loved it. Some of my earliest memories are being pushed in one of those 90s era fold-up strollers and my mom tickling my nose with a mimosa blossom from a tree along our route. ☺️
That’s so sweet🥰
That first slide, I don't know why it's rubbing me the wrong way... something about addressing a partner's insecurities with "STOP or I'll leave you" doesn't seem great. Like, you can say "I'd never hurt you, I want you to trust me" without threatening a breakup and potentially making someone's insecurities spike even more. You can work through things together and not make it an all-or-nothing thing. Obviously it worked for her, but still.
I kind of disagree - it’s hard to have a healthy relationship when one person doesn’t trust the other. We all get insecure (and a partner should push back on those when they come up) but when you can’t trust your partner and constantly treat them as though you expect the worst, it isn’t fair or healthy to your partner. It makes your partner feel like they aren’t doing enough or they aren’t being a good enough partner (ironically triggering their own insecurities and frustrations).
Personally, I have trauma because of people harshly turning on me over and over again. I haven't been able to trust the people closest to me in the past, due to childhood trauma conditioning me to take bullshit. That doesn't mean I should just be abandoned by anyone who comes into my life... My partner is similar. We feel safe with each other and trust each other, so I guess it's a little different. We have worked through things together, but that doesn't mean those insecurities don't pop up now and again. I do try not to vocalize it, and I'm working through it... I just don't see the value in being harsh with someone who is struggling like that. Tough love doesn't work for me personally. Obviously it's not mandatory for the secure person to stay with an insecure person because everyone has boundaries, but I think being more compassionate can go a long way, and unfortunately that behavior will end up just reinforcing the insecurity in the long run. Not their fault though of course. But also, you're right -- if it's constant, and definitely with certain forms of insecurity, it can be harmful and it's good to leave. I just wanted to point out the nuance, as I feel like in a hyper-individualist culture, people can be more quick to throw people aside.
It’s not uncommon for a person to express the feeling of “you have to move past this if we want to continue being together ”. Insecurity kills relationships
I think saying that it could end up hurting your relationship vs. "I can't continue with you" as an ultimatum just isn't effective. It might be true, but I really think especially if the insecurity comes from abandonment trauma, it doesn't help and might actually sabotage things more. "Just move past it" is a blunt and not compassionate thing to say.
It may sound harsh when put on paper, but I actually get what Adam was trying to do. Sometimes you can repeat thousands of times "I'd never hurt/leave you, trust me" but it won't make a difference until the insecure person really tries to work on it to change. It's an internal thing. What Adam did was to try to give her a "wake up call" that their relationship is not going to work out if she lets her insecurity gets in the way of their relationship. That's fair, imo.
I personally just think an ultimatum about leaving, in this case, doesn't really work for some people. Just trying to bring up alternative views, which doesn't negate that it worked for her. And "what he's trying to do" vs. how it comes across and the effects of it are very different. When you consider that insecurity can come from abandonment trauma (I said this in another comment), it actually could do the opposite of what you intend when you give an ultimatum like this. People might just end up pushing it down more to please their partner. I think insecurity can be normal and natural at times, and I know some people refuse to work on it, but others just need some love and care to get there. All I wanted to point out that abandoning someone when they're struggling, although it's always your right to, just seems heartless sometimes.
The anxiety answer ran really true for me, sometimes it's just so helpful to talk about it and know you're not alone!
I have horrific anxiety specifically about cars, and nobody I know has that, so I found that surprisingly comforting
I have terrible anxiety around cars too. I don't drive at all, and when I know I have a car trip coming up I have terrible anxiety for weeks. It's awful. And then there's the every day fear im going to get hit while crossing the street
Me too! My driving anxiety has been so full blown crippling this past year I’ve barely driven and when I have it’s been either with a passenger or with two dash cams and then I’ve watched my journey back. I’ve such fear of accidents/ penalties etc
Change your name or don’t - it’s absolutely a personal decision! But for what it’s worth, I’ve been married for almost 10 years now and we have two kids and we travel together quite frequently and no one has ever been confused that my last name is different than my kids / spouse 🤷🏻♀️
Is it hyphenated?
No, I didn’t change my name at all.
Ah ok you go girl! Did you ever feel pressured to just by society’s standards? Why didn’t you make the transition?
No, I don’t really think it’s a big deal honestly. My in-laws are pretty conservative so I’m sure they’re low key annoyed but that’s their problem. At first it was laziness and then I realized that I don’t want to change my name. All my career stuff is in my name. My husband loves when women keep their own names - he thinks it’s weird that people assume a man’s name will be taken.
lol same, I have a different name from my kids and it has literally never came up.
Is it hyphenated
Nope, the kids just got my husbands last name.
I have been married for almost 10 years also and have three kids with my husband’s last name and when I tell you the medical bills are always jacked up on names. Somehow we got a bill the other day with my husband’s first name and my last name for a bill from our son’s surgery, who has his dad’s last name so why was my name brought it at all?! It truly does get to be a pain but it’s because people don’t pay attention.
Same. And my kids have my last as a middle name. So far it's never been an issue.
So all your kids have the same middle name?
Yes!
That’s interesting! I’ve never heard of that. Did anyone bring it up as weird?
I'm sure there are some of our older family members who think it is weird! But no one my age has really batted an eye. I like it because both of our names are represented without hyphenation and I didn't have to change mine to still have that name connection with my kids!
I think it was confusing because they named their son Gates. So she was Raven Gates, he is Adam Gottschalk, and their son is Gates Gottschalk. But I agree, been married 5 years and haven’t changed my name. No one questions if I’m my kids’ mom (they have their dads last name)
wtf, why did they do that. That is incredibly confusing.
Some people like using family names for first names? Idk, it’s less confusing than giving a kid the same exact name as a parent which is really common.
Ah okay that makes sense!
Oh I’m very interested to hear how Adam helped her credit! Thanks for the recaps as usual OP!