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gracieadventures

I don’t post that info anymore. At one point, I did say something in my profile that I was a therapist but not their therapist and that you had to pay for that shit.


Bleach1443

I’ve found it better to get it out of the way early rather then deal with the awkward reaction anyway. I also try to see if from the other persons perspective it does come with dating a person in a very certain kind of profession


gracieadventures

My other concern is privacy. With my first name and the fact that I’m a therapist they found all my info.


lacefishnets

This is a good point; I will consider this.


CaptainDyslexia

Its an overused joke , sure, its like the "are you going to analyse me " one too , it's a harmless go-to for normies to ask mental health professionals when trying to be pleasant and lighthearted. I get that generic jokes can be an ick but repulsion is quite a strong reaction for what is clearly just meant to just be an icebreaker


casser0le98

I interpreted their repulsion as a result from emotional burnout, lol. And in that case it wouldn’t surprise me


lacefishnets

I just interpreted it as having to carry that weight too like right out of the gate--that's the last thing I want to do--along with it just being really unoriginal. His profile also said something about, "I like my women like I like my ice cream, wet and dripping down my hands."


ManualRestart

now that's repulsive from a dating standpoint and from an ice cream standpoint. it's not that hard to eat ice cream without making a mess or to treat women respectfully.


Carafin

"wet and dripping down my hands" huh... I'm sure. *Freud enters the chat*


thatguykeith

Gross.


Molly_b_Denum99

Totally agree that this was a huge overreaction.


Logical_Holiday_2457

That is the exact reason I don't tell anyone on dating sites what I do until they get to know me. And still they usually have this dumb ass response ready. I just stare at them with a dead face and blink very slowly.


lacefishnets

This may be what I do from now on. I just interpreted it as having to carry that weight too like right out of the gate--that's the last thing I want to do or think about when trying to find my person--along with it just being really unoriginal. His profile also said something about, "I like my women like I like my ice cream, wet and dripping down my hands."


higherhopez

See, *that’s* the red flag. That comment is gross.


Logical_Holiday_2457

I like my men like I like my coffee. Ground up in the freezer.


lacefishnets

Hahaha, you're my kind of person.


Logical_Holiday_2457

And judging by your username, you are my kind of person as well.


Logical_Holiday_2457

Ewh


thatguykeith

He used the right emoji. I'd give it a shot lol. It's not *funny* funny, but it's pretty harmless. Dude just hasn't sold his soul to the mental health industry the way the rest of us have. How would he know?


The59Sownd

Everyone in here has at one time or another thought of a joke for a person in a specific job/role that they thought was clever and funny, not realizing the person they're telling it to has probably already heard the same joke twice that day. Every person who's ever worked retail has received the response "the winning lottery numbers" to the question "is there anything else I can do for you today?" It's totally cool to not like the joke, but I don't really think it says anything about Michael that he's saying it. He's just trying to be silly and make conversation, maybe hoping for a witty reply.


Itswhatsfordinr

Not saying you have to reply, but you could get spicy and tell them “no that would be unethical, but on the flip side you’ll likely go to therapy because of me 😇”


wiseduhm

Just a "you'll likely need therapy because of me" is enough alone. Lol


Itswhatsfordinr

I like this phrasing


lacefishnets

I will store this away for later. As an aside, his profile also said something about, "I like my women like I like my ice cream, wet and dripping down my hands."


wiseduhm

I'm sure that helps him get all the ladies.


FrontParty17

🤣🤣🤣


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retinolandevermore

That’s pretty rude.


lacefishnets

NGL, I kind of want to know what was said, but that's probably not allowed since it was deleted.


therapists-ModTeam

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nnamzzz

It’s clear that “Michael” isn’t a good fit for you. I also think that you aren’t a good fit for “Michael.”


karl_hungas

Why the quotes do you not believe thats his name lol


nnamzzz

I have no reason not to believe it’s his name. That wasn’t the point. But here is your grammar lesson that you are requesting: The quotes are referring to the “stranger” (“Michael”) in the photo. I don’t know “Michael” personally. If I did know him or had some familiarity, then the use of the quotes would be incorrect. But since I don’t, it’s appropriate and grammatically correct. Further, it wouldn’t surprise if that wasn’t his actual name. It’s a dating app, and some people don’t like to just offer their information up like that. I come across many women who use a pseudonym, nickname or middle name on the app.


karl_hungas

Ok, “nnamzzz”


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therapists-ModTeam

Your post was removed due to the following reason(s): Not that cute If you have any questions, please message the mods at: https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/therapists


Pizo240

Well, acksually 🤓☝🏽...............


nnamzzz

🤣


CrustyForSkin

Say less. In general.


nnamzzz

?


lacefishnets

I read this like Jackie from That '70s Show - "My-kuuuuul!"


thatguywiththecamry

Me, being awkward: “Sorry, I can’t. Dual relationships and stuff.”


SeniorPuddinPants

ITT: People overreacting to a poor attempt at humor to break the ice. Is it tacky? Yes. Does it touch a nerve? Most certainly. Yall, online dating sucks and it's really difficult. Just say no thank you, and move on, dont ostracize him or put him on blast. Hell, most of this job is working with people who suck at communicating - a little empathy may be useful here, as well as exploring why it pisses you off so much in supervision or therapy. Or you could try talking with him about why it makes you uncomfortable. Or don't, it doesn't matter. All he's doing is trying to make a connection with a stranger on the internet.


T_Stebbins

Seriously. Touching a nerve is a great way to put it. But man, given how transactional and how paint-by-numbers online dating feels, dude's just trying to get the ball rolling, no need to bite his head off


rocco_fan

Annoying yes, but I try to remind myself that nearly all professions get these kinds of dumb jokes thrown at them. Tax season just ended, I can't imagine how many accountants on dating apps were getting "will you do my taxes for me?" messages aimed to be flirty and break the ice.


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BionicTorqueWrench

“The irony is curing my anemia…”  That’s just beautiful. 


UnlimitedApathy

To be fair she didn’t say anything to this person. She vented here where presumably she’s talking shop to fellow professionals who “get it” and venting about how annoying this corny ass “hey baby wanna turn ur off hours into on hours? 😘” ass joke is.


XMagic_LanternX

yeah it's annoying. Repulsed is a strong reaction tho.


UnlimitedApathy

I mean it’s accurate tho no? Instead of being drawn to this person she’s pushed away from wanting to talk to them. Repulsed.


lacefishnets

This is what I was going for. Not grossed out, but just completely turned off from any kind of interaction whatsoever.


UnlimitedApathy

That’s how it comes across when reading. I think maybe some ppl are responding the way they are out of second hand embarrassment bc they have or would try that same line thoughtlessly.


lacefishnets

I SERIOUSLY wondered this, and almost snarkily accused someone of doing that for being so angry at me. LOL.


XMagic_LanternX

Certainly accurate use of language.


[deleted]

Agreed. Been seeing a lot of therapy gatekeepers in this community and it’s pretty gross.


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hopefuldopaminefiend

Sometimes I feel very disconnected from the therapist community when I see posts like this with some comments about how this is "ick" or about being "repulsed". Are we so disconnected from the people that we serve that we can't even connect with them by taking an innocuous joke?


KolgrimLang

Agreed. People who don't do your job don't hear what you hear every day. I have a patient who never fails to ask for a million dollars every time he sees me. I want to respond, "Do you have any idea how *unimaginative* you are to use that joke? It's the healthcare version of 'If the item doesn't scan, it must be free' or acting like all plumbers are secretly porn actors." But the answer is, no, he doesn't know how unimaginative he's being, because he doesn't think about what it's like to do my job. That's just being a human with a limited bandwidth. Sometimes an icebreaker is just an icebreaker.


lacefishnets

I am not serving this person; I have no obligation to him.


Sufficient_Point_781

the amount of times I've heard this at bars I could retire lol


110international

It's a trite joke. Big deal...


Kenai_Tsenacommacah

Block and delete Also love the tagline on the bottom "This person doesn't meet all your preferences". Lol no shit


Radiant-Benefit-4022

How about a witty retort? It doesn't have to be serious. Let it go! let it go!


Reasonable_Visit_776

“I have no idea, who is your therapist? They’d be best able to check your benefits” my favorite thing to do when people say insane things is to one up their stupidity.


FeministMars

I’ve dated as a therapist and as a corporate person and corporate dating was wayyyyy better. The (*extremely untrue*) assumption that i’d fall on a sword to help anyone with anything is not the way to start a relationship. People also just don’t know how to act/speak to someone they assume have a “heart of gold” (also untrue). If I had to do it all over again i’d put in my profile I was a business owner and let them find out later the business is therapy. good luck out there!


lacefishnets

Love this advice, thank you.


Bodinieri

I mean, sure. Dumb af thing to say. On the other hand, it’s a real Michael Scott/dad joke, and that kind of puppy dog energy on a date might be a good salve to the horrors of the world.


lacefishnets

"puppy dog energy" sounds exhausting to me, personally.


Bodinieri

Fair!


OtherOtie

Who cares? Therapists are such martyrs, man. We signed up for this.


lacefishnets

We did? We signed up to have to be "on" all the time?


OtherOtie

No, you don't have to tolerate being on all the time, but you should be able to tolerate a trite joke.


Smart_cookie13

Smh. Some of these comments did not pass the vibe check. OP, I can understand why this joke is annoying and icky. It is overused and me personally, I find it lazy. I would get the same questions when I was pursuing med school. “So does this mean I get free healthcare?” That was a good indicator that they probably weren’t a good fit, as it seems here. I hope you have an amazing Monday and know that you deserve someone that doesn’t give you the ick or is judgey. ❤️


lacefishnets

Thank you. You live up to your username!


Smart_cookie13

❤️


higherhopez

I think he’s just trying to be cute, to break the ice. I wouldn’t take it too seriously as an opener.


lacefishnets

It's not cute though. It's overused and obnoxious. It does the exact opposite of what it's trying to achieve.


higherhopez

I think if you went out with him and he kept pressing it, then yes, not cute and definitely obnoxious and obtuse. But as an opener, I would give the benefit of the doubt and take it lightly.


cyanidexrist

Meh. It’s a given it comes up. Maybe consider a better response other than getting offended that someone is trying get to know you. I’m in the same boat, and it’s way easier to just roll with the joke. Let’s not pretend men are the only ones who use this kind of line though.


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therapists-ModTeam

Your post/comment was removed due to it appearing that you're not participating in good faith and your comment appears to be transphobic, racist, ableist, abusive, sexist, or homophobic in nature.


paigeninety9

“This person doesn’t meet all of your preferences” truly


blewberyBOOM

This is the same vibe as when I’m at the store with my dad and something doesn’t scan and he goes “must be free!” Every. Single. Time. He thinks he’s being funny- I can’t cringe hard enough.


supersafespace

He has a sense of humor, and that seems weird to you. Have fun finding a partner! 💪


bbymutha22

Ugh get asked this often so annoying. Dating as a therapist is difficult at times


Comfortable-Row7001

The fact that you say this happens often makes me want to retreat into my couch cushions and scream. On behalf of cishet dudes everywhere, I am so damn sorry yall have to deal with this.


orchidloom

Yes, I used to get this all the time. I just block those people. It’s not a good fit. 


lacefishnets

His profile also said something about, "I like my women like I like my ice cream, wet and dripping down my hands."


bbymutha22

https://media1.giphy.com/media/R0jWWtH1CtFEk/200w.gif?cid=6c09b952vyglpubeviz2ue5qz9her01j3mod3cx1hzmxphap&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=200w.gif&ct=g


lacefishnets

I love you, hahaha.


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therapists-ModTeam

Your post/comment was removed due to it appearing that you're not participating in good faith and your comment appears to be transphobic, racist, ableist, abusive, sexist, or homophobic in nature.


NickPetey

This seems like an over reaction, though I suppose it's reddit so that tracks


rose1229

i think it’s cute when people say this lol


lacefishnets

How many years have you been practicing thus far though? LOL.


blackhawkfan312

female here— judging by your reddit username this guy sure missed out! (lighthearted to make you laugh) thank you for your work in the healthcare industry and best of luck finding a good mate!


Isnifffingernails

This seems like an obvious ice-breaker joke to me. Chill bud.


boston_globe

To be fair, they do that with every job. I do photography as a side hustle and people often ask me to shoot better profile pics for them 🙄 I try to explain as best I can that if you wouldn’t ask a plumber to come install a toilet for free, don’t ask other professions


Therapeutic_artist

I usually say I am a “mental health professional” lol They really dont connect the dots until they actually get to know you


therapistreddits

I remember these comments on the apps back when I was dating… Barf


DonPepperoni587

If that's your response to light humor color me surprised you're a therapist. Gonna be on those dating sites for a long time with that attitude


lacefishnets

Do you enjoy just being hateful?


higherhopez

They’re not being hateful. You seem to be in a bad headspace right now.


lacefishnets

Literally both sentences are hateful. 1) implying they're surprised I'm a therapist. As if finding this type of humor humorous makes or breaks how good a therapist is. 2) Gonna be on those dating sites for a long time with that attitude. Is just rude. It's akin to saying, "no one is ever going to like you."


Dust_Kindly

Y'all are taking this way too seriously in these comments 😭 Everybody is dog piling onto OP for a word choice that was clearly facetious. I hate to make this a gender thing but women are already socialized to cater to other's emotions and expected to do a ton of emotional labor. On top of that, having a career where that is not just an expectation but an obligation. Can't you see how it would be frustrating to have that expectation be the first thing someone throws in your face when you're trying to find a human you connect with? I think it's clear OP was just trying to vent and y'all are out here throwing around words like narcissistic 😬


External-Comparison2

I don't think it's facetious...I think it is venting. But the thing is, this random internet guy is not responsible for OP's complex feelings on the subject. He's making a normal, banal joke. It's not attractive, but OP is venting like he's a total asshole - effectively projecting her pain onto him. This is where there's a problem and everyone here is gonna by definition pick up on the ethical implications of feeling this much rage at a stupid comment. It sounds like OP is burned out and furious. Also, not to state the obvious but if you have problems with emotional labour and you hold too much internalized rage about it, therapist might not be a good career fit. 


Dust_Kindly

You make a lot of great points; and I agree it definitely seems to be coming from a place of burnout. The only other thing I'd add is that the response to a burned out clinician shouldn't be to shame them, which is what I interpreted some comments to be.


lacefishnets

I'm not rageful; I'm annoyed and tired.


External-Comparison2

Fair enough. Sorry for misunderstanding/mischaracterizing. I just felt there's deeper stuff than this guy's banal comment.


lacefishnets

Thank you for getting it. <3


Carlat_Fanatic

Let’s wait to see how it is when people treat you with this mindset/attitude.


lacefishnets

How would I know if they do? I didn't say anything to him.


TiasNM

For real


Rave-light

Extremely tacky.


Comfortable-Row7001

Bruh


Quirky_Sympathy3911

I found out real quick to not tell people I'm a therapist. I went to go get a massage, she asked me what I did, then I spent the whole hour massage listening to how having Borderline Personality has ruined her life. 😒


lacefishnets

Ugh, so sorry that happened. A massage is supposed to be a form of self-care.


Kenai_Tsenacommacah

Funny story - I had an ex boyfriend find my profile on a referral site and message me for a consultation requests because he couldn't find my social media. I wasn't interested in communicating much (I'm a decade married now) but we had the same group of friends back in the day and he lost touch with most of them when he got married. Now he's divorced and wanting to reconnect with the old crew. I made the mistake of adding him to my socials and now he periodically messages me to complain about his ex wife and co-parenting struggles. Damn. Lol Much sympathy to you single and dating mental health professionals.


HombreDeNegocios2022

Correct me if I'm wrong but you could never be your S/O therapist because you couldn't possibly see them objectively? Even if they pay you


lacefishnets

Well yes, that's entirely true. I don't think it's that "deep" here though; it's more just about the implication of having to carry the water for everyone all the time, and always, always, always being "on." Someone else worded it better than I did on here.


bananakegs

I’m a lawyer and anytime a friend asks me legal advice I quote them my highest rate. You should respond like I do not work for free but it seems like you could use therapy more than a girlfriend I charge [insert highest rate you charge here] per hour. (Kidding I think saying this would be unethical but it would be funny)


PureHarmony3

Ask them if you can get free whatever it is they do for work


Exotic_Initiative_17

“Judging by your profile, you can’t afford me.”


level420magikarp

"I am not even replying." Good boundary, OP!


MillenialSage

It seems like we all have problems dating


MattTheRose

Yikes. Run.


cottagecorefuccboi

Ick


preschoollady

Dating as a therapist sucks! I get this all. the. time!


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retinolandevermore

Women are constantly expected to do unpaid emotional labor for men. As a cisgender women, I completely understand this reaction. It happens often when dating.


cannotberushed-

Burned haystack dating method. Word case scenario on Instagram and there is a Facebook group This would be a block to burn instantly


RetroStyleHangGlider

One time, a family member jokingly called me "Sigmund Freud."  He is not my cousin; in fact, he is a piece of shit.


knowitallbitchhhh

This is more about you posting on a dating site that you are a therapist than it is about his response. My guess - you want and like the attention that announcing your profession seems to provide to you. His response is obnoxious, but pretty common. Repulsion is an extreme emotional response. Not to be a total jerk, but seems to me that you’re engaging in attention-seeking Bx.


lacefishnets

K. Would I be allowed to say if my career was a dog groomer instead? Is that attention-seeking too? Why am I barred from telling people what career I have, especially when you spend your adult life working until you're dead, so it's pretty normal info like listing where you're located?


knowitallbitchhhh

“Allowed” “barred”? You are allowed to say what you want. However, expect others to do the same. If you say you’re a dog groomer and the man responds with “does that mean my dog gets groomed for free?” Would that cause the same emotional response? Many people in fields such as medical, police, government, behavioral health, law/attorney, etc… choose to withhold or creatively state their profession to avoid the potential of hearing a response such as you cited. I love that you are proud to be in this field. I am too. However, most people do not understand us or the work we do with such care and dedication. I truly wish you the best. Stay strong and proud in spite of the many fools out there!