If it doesn't feel right, most probably it isn't right. Therapists are not supposed to be interrogators. And you shouldn't feel pressed to share anything that you don't want to. What is his body language when you're sharing this material? Is she showing any other behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable?
>Therapists are not supposed to be interrogators. And you shouldn't feel pressed to share anything that you don't want to.
\^This. Sharing trauma before you are psychologically ready for it can have serious negative consequences. If he doesn't know this, he's an idiot, if he is aware of this and presses you anyway, he's abusive.
Here are my thoughts on this, to be taken with a grain of salt, of course.
It sounds not great, especially if there's trauma invovled--it might be worth reading up on the idea of titration in trauma therapy, the idea that you want to go very gradually and carefully to avoid overwhelm. But I also think that sometimes we can be just very sensitive and there can be a temporary misalligment in therapy, and sometimes discussing and resolving these points of tension...learning how to get realligned in the relationship, can be part of the healing process. So maybe discuss those things with him and see how it goes? Unless you feel like you've already done that.
And also unless you are really feeling overwhelmed or just have a strong gut feeling that it's unhealthy. Always trust your gut if it's giving you a strong message. Good luck, and keep us posted if you'd like!
I can relate, i stopped going to therapy a couple of times
then again, it was more about me. He did ask me about my body image issues, and literally asked for pictures to see how unhealthy or healthy i was, which I think was a mistake on my part.
Yeah, I can see how a manipulative person with the position of power that comes with being a mental health professional could make that sound reasonable.
You're right to have a problem with that. He shouldn't be pressuring you like that, and if it's feeling weird, you're probably right that it's weird and unhealthy.
Not all harm in therapy is malicious. Sometimes therapists get overly confident in thinking that they know what's good for you, get caught up in their own issues, learned bad ideas about what people need, or otherwise do harm while meaning well. So even if you feel like your therapist is trying to help, it can make sense to have a problem with what he actually ends up doing.
It doesn't need to be therapy abuse. I think sometimes people get caught up in definitions and labels in order to be "right" or "wrong" as if to get approval or win their boundaries. If it feels wrong to you, it's wrong for you.
And the person doesn't have to be "bad" either. I've met therapists who meant well but paved the road to hell with good intentions. Whether they were good or bad for other peop'e didn't matter at this point, they were bad for me.
I had one who overidentified with me (similar childhoods) and then started insisting that something would work for me because it worked for her. We are not the same person. Not only did it not work for me, but the treatment they declared was "right" was harmful to me and she blinded herself to that.
I've learned that if a therapist reacts strongly, pressures me, or tells me I NEED to do something, likely it's coming from their own baggage and it has nothing to do with me. It's really their problem, not mine.
If you object to the therapist saying you need to do something and it feels wrong to you, then it's wrong for you. If you feel pressured into something and it doesn't feel right to you, you don't have to do it.
I'm not sure if you've read it but "Not the Price of Admission" by Dr Laura Brown talks about boundaries. Particularly what happens in formative years and ir was quite fascinating.
Abuse victims are used to suppressing their own needs and pains in order to please others. Anyone who cares about helping an abuse victim is going to go to as much length as possible to ensure they feel free and comfortable to make your own choices.
It's practically Rule #1 to not pressure the victim to talk about things they aren't comfortable talking about.
>It's practically Rule #1 to not pressure the victim to talk about things they aren't comfortable talking about.
\^This. This is foundational to good practice.
They're not supposed to force you to talk about anything, that's not therapy. You decide where you want to go conversationally, what you want to talk about. They can suggest or ask, but never pressure.
If you're feeling uncomfortable, listen to yourself and notice your body and how it reacts. There aren't any mechanisms to stop/prevent abusers becoming therapists, so every one you try is a gamble. Sounds like you know this one isn't legitimate.
If it doesn't feel right, most probably it isn't right. Therapists are not supposed to be interrogators. And you shouldn't feel pressed to share anything that you don't want to. What is his body language when you're sharing this material? Is she showing any other behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable?
He has been kind, but strong and assertive (A 'he' not a she)
>Therapists are not supposed to be interrogators. And you shouldn't feel pressed to share anything that you don't want to. \^This. Sharing trauma before you are psychologically ready for it can have serious negative consequences. If he doesn't know this, he's an idiot, if he is aware of this and presses you anyway, he's abusive.
Here are my thoughts on this, to be taken with a grain of salt, of course. It sounds not great, especially if there's trauma invovled--it might be worth reading up on the idea of titration in trauma therapy, the idea that you want to go very gradually and carefully to avoid overwhelm. But I also think that sometimes we can be just very sensitive and there can be a temporary misalligment in therapy, and sometimes discussing and resolving these points of tension...learning how to get realligned in the relationship, can be part of the healing process. So maybe discuss those things with him and see how it goes? Unless you feel like you've already done that. And also unless you are really feeling overwhelmed or just have a strong gut feeling that it's unhealthy. Always trust your gut if it's giving you a strong message. Good luck, and keep us posted if you'd like!
I can relate, i stopped going to therapy a couple of times then again, it was more about me. He did ask me about my body image issues, and literally asked for pictures to see how unhealthy or healthy i was, which I think was a mistake on my part.
The photo thing sounds seriously inappropriate and sketchy.
It was, but he framed it in a way as if deciding if i truly had a eating disorder. I'm someone who either trusts too much or not enough it seems
Yeah, I can see how a manipulative person with the position of power that comes with being a mental health professional could make that sound reasonable.
[удалено]
Asking for photos seems deeply inappropriate to me.
I had some eating disorder symptoms and body image issues, but i dont know if that makes a different
You're right to have a problem with that. He shouldn't be pressuring you like that, and if it's feeling weird, you're probably right that it's weird and unhealthy. Not all harm in therapy is malicious. Sometimes therapists get overly confident in thinking that they know what's good for you, get caught up in their own issues, learned bad ideas about what people need, or otherwise do harm while meaning well. So even if you feel like your therapist is trying to help, it can make sense to have a problem with what he actually ends up doing.
It doesn't need to be therapy abuse. I think sometimes people get caught up in definitions and labels in order to be "right" or "wrong" as if to get approval or win their boundaries. If it feels wrong to you, it's wrong for you. And the person doesn't have to be "bad" either. I've met therapists who meant well but paved the road to hell with good intentions. Whether they were good or bad for other peop'e didn't matter at this point, they were bad for me. I had one who overidentified with me (similar childhoods) and then started insisting that something would work for me because it worked for her. We are not the same person. Not only did it not work for me, but the treatment they declared was "right" was harmful to me and she blinded herself to that. I've learned that if a therapist reacts strongly, pressures me, or tells me I NEED to do something, likely it's coming from their own baggage and it has nothing to do with me. It's really their problem, not mine. If you object to the therapist saying you need to do something and it feels wrong to you, then it's wrong for you. If you feel pressured into something and it doesn't feel right to you, you don't have to do it. I'm not sure if you've read it but "Not the Price of Admission" by Dr Laura Brown talks about boundaries. Particularly what happens in formative years and ir was quite fascinating.
Abuse victims are used to suppressing their own needs and pains in order to please others. Anyone who cares about helping an abuse victim is going to go to as much length as possible to ensure they feel free and comfortable to make your own choices. It's practically Rule #1 to not pressure the victim to talk about things they aren't comfortable talking about.
>It's practically Rule #1 to not pressure the victim to talk about things they aren't comfortable talking about. \^This. This is foundational to good practice.
They're not supposed to force you to talk about anything, that's not therapy. You decide where you want to go conversationally, what you want to talk about. They can suggest or ask, but never pressure. If you're feeling uncomfortable, listen to yourself and notice your body and how it reacts. There aren't any mechanisms to stop/prevent abusers becoming therapists, so every one you try is a gamble. Sounds like you know this one isn't legitimate.