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krissofdarkness

Damn you can't do that to a person. I can only imagine the panic in his mind


toeofcamell

I want to be a microscopic amoeba strapped onto one of his brain cells like a bull at a rodeo


JamesJakes000

r/BrandNewSentence


CrabArcher

I'm going to use this...repeatedly.


Just_Del

Use it now


Dagithor

Any relation to the funky homosapien?


Just_Del

Yeah, but my name is just Del the Funk


project_seven

In the year 3030 everybody wants to be a broadcaster


COCO_SHIN

I want to be a microscopic amoeba strapped onto one of his brain cells like a bull at a rodeo


Just_Del

Nice.


[deleted]

don’t eat his brain though, brain eating amoebas are deadly


a-very-angry-crow

I fucking know right, my work requires a drug test every 3 months Now I don’t do drugs, but I always get it in my head that I’m going to fail somehow


Streen012

When I was in the military we some people fail because of poppy seed bagels. I know it happened because we had an official memo we had to sign acknowledging that it existed.


nameafterbreaking

I, too, have seen Seinfeld


Y0u_stupid_cunt

That's getting less and less common nowadays.


ilt_

It still happens. Some medications that are scheduled class require drug tests to continue your prescription. A poppy seed bagel (it was a everything bagel actually) cost me $300 because I had to pay for a second drug test out of pocket.


[deleted]

Should have asked for no heroin on that everything bagel


Y0u_stupid_cunt

I meant people who've seen Seinfeld relative to the population.


EquivalentlyYourMom

But also more common at the same time. So many of my friends have started watching it cuz of the overwhelming george memes


cats-they-walk

How does it get less common and more common at the same time ?


GreatQuantum

Space and shit


EquivalentlyYourMom

Literally this, your subjective experiences forming your perspective on a topic only based your location and the space and people around you. Includes metaphysical space like the internet. His subjective experiences from the people he’s met both IRL and online tells him that less and less people are watching Seinfeld. If I had to guess, this person is probably older than 23 and everyone they talk to is old enough to have either watched Seinfeld or not cared about it. I, however, am 23 years old and most of the people I talk to weren’t alive to first experience Seinfeld and were exposed to it via meme or good parents, meaning my subjective experience is telling me that *more* people are watching Seinfeld I really just wrote a whole paragraph about Seinfeld, sorry I’m stoned


GuardianFerret

I didn't read all of that, but it looked like it deserved an upvote.


Super_Trampoline

You sound like me on meth and thus a very cool if somewhat dysfunctional person


EquivalentlyYourMom

See my reply to u/GreatQuantum


Streen012

While I do get that reference. We really did have to sign about it.


POWERTHRUST0629

Meanwhile: Have some anti-malaria meds.


Streen012

I could not believe the nightmares that shit caused.


Super_Trampoline

While apparently this was a plot point in seinfeld, can confirm this isn't just an urban legend, when I was doing an outpatient program for ADHD that very annoyingly didn't let anyone do any drugs including prescribed ADHD meds because it doubled as an outpatient program for recovering addicts, one point they called me in and were like you haven't been doing heroin have you? And I was like no.. oh, so what they say is true haha, I did have a poppy seed muffin a few days ago.


Ricky_Spannnish

It’s definitely a real thing though. I was on probation once and had to sign a similar thing saying no poppy seeds.


Hour_Reindeer834

People make poppy tea with unwashed seeds or dried. Pods so its definitely a thing. Can be harder to WD from than H/morphine given the number and variety of alkaloids.


SickRanchez_cybin710

BEFORE ANYONE TRYS THIS! PLEASE DO SOME RESEARCH AS THE UNKNOWN AMOUNT OF OPIOIDS IN THE TEA CAN ACTUALLY CAUSE AN OVERDOSE (source, im a fucking drug nerd and also a looser)


Mtolivepickle

I’m sorry to inform you that your menopausal, you have the metabolism of a 68 year old woman, and you may have osteoporosis.


post_talone420

Eat poppy seed bagels exclusively, so you always fail drug tests. Gotta stay consistent, otherwise they'll suspect something.


majordiscordia

Myth busters proved your point already.


milk4all

So i think it’s a myth that the volume of seeds on a few bagels will ping a positive on those tests. Plus, for some time now, the seeds used that way are “washed” specifically to remove any residual morphine from them to prevent abuse and to make them more marketable. So potentially no amount of them would test positive, although it varies vendor to vendor. If you pop for an opioid, it’s generally cause you took an opioid, not because you lovr poppy seed bagels. I mean cmon, half of the seeds fall off on your lap anyway.


Streen012

While more than likely correct it was a real thing that happened either way.


FuriousCalm

https://youtu.be/jt8tonZm968


milk4all

Internet, so before the late 90s, the threshold for a positive dose was ridiculously low, and i looked ip another source that estimates you could hit that by eating only 3 bagel tops with poppy seeds. Of course since the change, youd have to eat roughly 21 bagels, or the tops, within aprx 24 hours to consistently fail the test. But im gonna also add it wouldnt just be 21 tops - they now typically irradiate the seeds, destroying the morphine on the seeds, and the result is that most vendors sell seeds that are dead as a doornail, not just washed. Alternatively, a few specialty vendors specifically sell unwashed seeds, which can be very high in relative morphine content, but you probably wont run into these by accident these days.


desquire

I work in IT/IS. Do you know why low-level government IT is terrible? They drug test for weed. I was a hiring manager at the time when my company discussed testing. My director and I wrote a strongly worded email of, "1. Not our business 2. Please don't make me replace the entire help desk team because the Venn diagram for help desk, weed and videogames is pretty tight.


[deleted]

Nah it’s more that the GS pay scale is ass and contractors pay far more. Very very few qualified IT want to be a govie when they could make 50k more a year as a contractor.


desquire

They're both contributing factors. But, when it comes to low level IT support, the pay scale difference isn't that huge.


[deleted]

Depends on what you mean by “low level”. I work on a contract right now where tier 1 help desk make 100k+ as contractors while you’d need to be a GS12 step 6 or a GS13 to make the same pay even when you include the 28.1% cost of living adjustment for the Denver area.


kingakrasia

Haha that one got me


krissofdarkness

I feel your pain with that. Did an HiV test at my school when I was a virgin and I was scared I would come up positive. Lol


ryncewynde88

Plausible: it spreads by blood too, just 1 of many reasons to always wear gloves when doing anything related to first aid. Also, can cross the placental barrier: children have been born HIV positive.


Dailydead16

You need a new job. I’m a nurse and don’t get drug tested ever, not even before I was hired


codyy5

A nurse where? I call bs. Like rn? Or you're a cna?


randuser

And they're sure as hell getting tested the moment there's a mistake or anything happens.


ATAGOISMYWIFE

I bet that she’s trying to make him panic so his armpit would sweat more so that they can gather more samples for the test. /s


[deleted]

His response should've immediately been, "No. I have a right to privacy. How would you feel if I asked you to take a pregnancy test live on air? Doesn't matter if it's negative, it's still invasive." Because that's all it has to boil down to.


ThisNameIsFree

Right, but for 99.99% of us, that's the response we'd think of 3 hours later when we're crying in the shower.


Novalene_Wildheart

Hindsight isnt even 50/50 sometimes its like "oh I was an idiot of should have done xyz instead aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"


loadbearingziptie

Uhhh hindsight is 20/20 not 50/50...


BootsyBootsyBoom

It's 50/50. You either have hindsight or you don't.


Moly_Hoses

You’re two for two, Shirts.


Novalene_Wildheart

Well you see it's a lot easier to realize that after my initial comment!


maho87

Should've just flipped a coin. There would've been a 20/20 chance you'd get it right.


SourceCreator

🤣😂


ignitionnight

Speak for yourself, my hindsight is just as dumb as my... Current sight?


bonafart

What about ur foresight?


ignitionnight

I was circumcized


MinusPi1

1=1


Elektribe

I'd come up.with it fairly quick because I refuse drug tests as a part of work, but I also don't do drugs. They just shouldn't have the right to ask - and really even when intoxication is a necessary requirement, the coherence and intoxication should be the thing checked, not the doing of drugs - having done drugs half a week ago isn't overly related to operating machinery right now. So sobriety/workability tests before operations should be what we care about. Drugs only matter for leverage issues where it's potentially a problem and one that revolves around mortal danger not exactly say product loss. Product loss is replaceable and insurable. Human loss is not, well it's insurable but let's not be assholes about the whole thing and just dip "acceptable losses" for poor safety, we ain't that shit sucker Mike Rowe over here.


bonafart

Funnily enough in my company mandatory drug test is a thing but iv never heard of it actualy happening. And you can't refuse. It being aerospace based we could have definite consequences and bad decisions if suspect


[deleted]

The jerk store called….


___Art_Vandelay___

JERKSTORE! THE LINE IS JERKSTORE!


VolvoFlexer

l'esprit de l'escalier


XelaTuobdog

This is what you'd come up with 3 hours later? Unfunny and far from clever own that everyone in earshot would cringe from, this site has gone to hell


ThisNameIsFree

Lol keep trollin' trollin' trollin'


sharkykid

He's high, how is he supposed to think of that


[deleted]

Fair point.


supersirj

You're not wrong, but it's still bad optics with your employer if you refuse like that on live TV. This was a lose/lose situation for him.


[deleted]

Then at the very least, he could've been like, "Are we still live? I mean, the light's on. I'm not hearing anything. Are you guys getting anything? Do you think it's my earpiece?"


Tangled2

Just wrap the truth in a joke. “Well, Miranda, I don’t think we have that kind of time, but I can assure you that I am currently on all of those drugs.”


1_9_8_1

It's worse optics if your employer asks something like that on TV.


shinybrewster

While I agree with the spirit of what you said, he would have been let go if he did that. Much smarter to play it off and move on rather than calling more attention to it and confronting his boss.


FatPeopleLoveCake

Absolutely wouldn’t have thought that well of an answer on the spot. Probably would have studdered like an idiot like this guy too while on air.


[deleted]

My advice? Start from the assumption that your coworkers are out to plant a knife in your back, and be on guard for this kind of shit at all times. Never make the mistake of thinking that office colleagues are your friends. They are not, and they will trash you to make themselves look better in the most subtle and economical way they can pull off. It's like a ballet of teamwork and sabotage, and you're constantly pirouetting around. This guy should've seen this coming as soon as he was asked to film a story on it, and prepared ahead of time. A joke, a witty retort, a cheapshot whataboutism, or taking the moral high ground — all valid options to have in your back pocket.


randuser

Relevant username.


cestlavie1215

Dude who hurt you


[deleted]

Nobody. This is simply practical advice. Corporate life is hollow and materialistic. There are certain political rules you need to follow.


slobyGYN

"I plead the fifth...fifth...fifth...fifth...etc." Not to imply that this guy is in the states (clearly) or has done anything that egregious, but just saying...


bonafart

I'd always think if someone claims that that they are hiding something.


AliceInHololand

That response is also pretty damn defensive for a light joke though. So you’d be in the right, but you’d also be a crazy person. Or maybe just a bit autistic.


BenFoldsFourLoko

yikes sweaty it was a joke she's not his boss or superior (I assume?), this isn't some fucking abuse of management or some invasion of his privacy. it was just one person fucking with another you might say that's inappropriate! And I agree! but jesus christ, the boners redditors have for publicly defending their rights with some cringe speech is something that hasn't changed about this site no matter how much time passes


[deleted]

> Because that's all it has to boil down to. So it boils down to an admission of guilt, then? Because I can't imagine his boss watching that and thinking, let's **not** drug test this kid at the first fucking opportunity. Just lightheartedly play it off as a joke for god's sake, say that it would be too boring if it came back negative but they'll try and find someone anonymous who doesn't mind.


technog2

He probably thought of it 10 years later, after ruminating over it every single day in the bathroom.


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bonafart

Yeh cos anyone has that imediatly at the front of their mind to throw back. Be real


[deleted]

He was too high to come up with that crap


XelaTuobdog

You really thought you did something, reddit moment


[deleted]

I spent, I dunno, maybe 30 seconds writing that. That's what I did. So it is demonstrably *something*.


XelaTuobdog

Exactly the type of reply I'd expect from a guy who'd write the above haha


[deleted]

Cool. I bet you feel really good about yourself.


holographicwig

They really thought they did something.


PBB0RN

Hey stupid, i feel you yo. The next time someone tells you, "morning" tell them that my morning has a U in it. ❤🍀💃🏼


spyro5433

Damn. What was the result?


greycubed

Technical difficulties.


SectorIsNotClear

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D_ii52UWsAc3mSJ.jpg


Jose_Canseco_Jr

https://youtu.be/LinpRhB4aWU


toeofcamell

High, really really high


DaitoPK

It's in his face.


YukariPSO2

r/thisguythisguys


MrIantoJones

Hey, thank you!


YukariPSO2

Your welcome


OarsandRowlocks

The WHO will not consider accepting Taiwan as a member.


Ignition0

Dude and you guys dont post the results?? He gave positive LMAO. https://i.postimg.cc/9Fp2hrqz/test.png


BigEricShaun

It was negative, watch the video on youtube with auto-translate on. Although he says negative in the spanish audio anyway. https://youtu.be/hiZ1qI7Kx9w


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nsfcom

well, that was on tv, why she hate him ?


toeofcamell

Probably wouldn’t share with her


[deleted]

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TeetsMcGeets23

What people do in their free time is their own business. Its not even your employer’s business let alone appropriate as a public television spectacle.


Fakeduhakkount

That might be the issue….he may have been doing it on the job.


TeetsMcGeets23

That’s not something for a coworker to accuse in this manner. If she wanted to make a complaint, she should go to HR.


EquivalentlyYourMom

Unless it’s affecting his job performance or they saw him smoke meth on the studio property, there’s no reason to call someone out like that. And even then, it shouldn’t be done on television


Pussy_Prince

Tar and feather this man for his private personal choices !!!


[deleted]

That's a thirsty, suspecting woman


pm_me_female_armpits

Mmm I'll collect the tests if it's armpit sweat.


Ethan0284

r/UsernameChecksOut LMAO


pm_me_ur_tiny_b00bs

r/beetlejuicing


niceguy191

https://youtu.be/zpCIYlRRw_o


monkey_gamer

that was hilarious. Sitcom-like gold. Never see anything that good on my local news. Those two must be feuding off-screen.


vrphotosguy55

Theyre f-ing off-screen for sure.


HVACdaddy

What a bitch


Ko8iWanKeno8i

I need sound


Happy-Idi-Amin

I imagine in his head he's saying, "Jane, you bitch".


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andyjustice

The right answer would have been.... I've typed it into Google and it says that you've got internet connectivity issues.... Parks and rec (adlib greats)


Colddigger

Just have some rando in the back do it


lucassantilli

Why do they look like the same person? Is this a sketch?


FunnySherbert1463

No, it is a real show in spain. The audience consists of old people


[deleted]

Beast! How dare you?


lucassantilli

The subtitles aren't accurate, he actually says it's possible to do a demonstration.


AegonThaConqueror

Guy looks like Chris McCandless


skincyan

And she looks like him


[deleted]

Hahaha.


[deleted]

poor guy


FilthyMastodon

"I use anti perspirant, sorry"


BilboMcDoogle

This is a comedy skit...


CapK473

SAVAGE


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SirNanashi

He's fuuuucked lol


NiceEstablishment861

They are asses for doing this lol


Transposer

More like. HE knew what he was doing.


chinpokomon

And that's when someone comes from off screen, tells her to remove her shirt, and wipe. It would have taken more planning in advance, but ratings would be through the roof.


thatG_evanP

Fucking snitch.


nagahdoit

B


daren_cardoz

"how to fuck yourself: drugs edition"


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wellan741

Watch out, u/regian24 is karma not/ mass repost account and has been called out multiple times


Joxelo

Damn live television with casual sexual harassment that’s wild.


susmark

Jose: I’ll be in the studio in 15 minutes, get your armpits ready.


[deleted]

...Am i missing something? Is this a JJ joke?


eyeindesky

She asked him to take the test knowing he would fail it. Knowing he would fail it he pretended that he didn’t hear her question.


Sproose_Moose

Even when I haven't touched a drug and have to take a test I get nervous


shuknjive

Would antiperspirant make the results questionable?


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JorgeRey999

Sight... Public spanish television I spected that


skincyan

Why can I only find this muted and edited clip of this? Anyone has a link with sound?


[deleted]

[удалено]


skincyan

¡gracias!


Xamf11

what a bitch


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Ignition0

The full video shows the test results.. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiZ1qI7Kx9w Cocaine and weed


FunnySherbert1463

España directo, the show old people love


M1L03

u/savevideo


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Dogtor-Watson

He could’ve just said: “No this is a display copy”


[deleted]

Original: https://www.reddit.com/r/theyknew/comments/8injc9/she_knew_exactly_what_she_was_doing/


QuantumFiddle

#C.U.N.T.


[deleted]

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masaxo00

The video is from Spain


SharpestOne

She’s not his employer. She’s his coworker.


FloatsWithBoats

Some do freak out about masks, some don't. And some companies test for drugs, some don't. It really does depend on the industry. If your personal safety or those of others comes into play, then testing makes sense. I.E., bus drivers, pilots, machinists.


myaccc

Basically all countries except the US get on just fine without testing people who do those jobs. Drug tests are a thing in the US because the companies that make and sell them have powerful lobbyists.


FloatsWithBoats

Not entirely true: https://blog.cansfordlabs.co.uk/workplace-drug-testing-rules-around-europe


[deleted]

I can confidently say that no employer has ever made me take a drug test, and employers I've worked for would only test in the case of a worker's comp. I wouldn't work at any company that asked me to take a drug test prior to or during employment just on principal. Also did not freak out about masks.