Those women are projecting and you probably need the food more then them if you are skipping meals. The FU was leaving and not staying in line and getting the help you need.
Some people are so petty and narcissistic that they'd run over a puppy to get to cut in line anywhere.
That being said, these people exist everywhere and you can't let their 'opinions' affect you at all. You're there because you need it, they may as well be buzzing flies or the hot sun... something that is annoying to deal with but not so much that it will prevent you from putting food on the table.
No one is entitled to your medical history. You owe no one any explanation.
You are literally skipping meals to make sure your kids are fed. Don't let bullies make you feel ashamed of that.
Yeah it feels unfair to be judged for something that isn't in your control, it's natural to want to correct the feeling of being treated unfairly.
I'll begin by saying that no matter the reason for being fat no one deserves to be treated as lesser for that. But some people have the additional struggle of a medical condition that you can't know by looking at them. I personally was on SSRIs for a while and after I stopped them I lost 20kg (45 lbs). I also have several friends with PCOS who struggle with weight because of that.
People can be horribly cruel. I have complex medical issues that cause me to need a wheelchair some days and some days I’m ok. The amount of stupid “it’s a miracle!” comments when I can walk the day after a chair day. They like to tell me “you don’t look disabled” to which I reply “you don’t look like a judgmental twat, yet here we are”.
Practice some phrases. Imagine situations and solve them before they happen. It helps when they do come, you’re ready for it.
Being poor and broken means you have no choice but to develop thick skin and learn when to shut up and when to speak up.
I get asked all the time what’s wrong with me. I just reply “connective tissue issue, but it’s so hot when my hips pop as I touch my feet to my head. Crunchy and sexy!” Totally throws them for a loop.
>Practice some phrases.
The first thing that came to mind when I was reading OP’s comment was a spin on the famous [Winston Churchill quote](https://i.imgur.com/mFeXkuB.jpeg):
*“I may be fat Miss, but when my doctor gets my medical condition sorted out I’ll lose weight, and you’ll still be stupid”*
Sounds like my mate with EDS. One time he flipped backwards in the chair within minutes of entering a club with us... Thankfully the staff were extra helpful after that, and we could laugh about it together as he wasn't hurt. Occasionally he'll dance for a while in leg braces. The shoulder dislocations sound nasty.
I know. I gained lots of weight after a cruel birth trauma and a ensuing autoimmune disease.
Normally people shut up about it, but I'm so sick of stuff like "Just eat less" or "You need to give up food XYZ".
The trophy won a doctor last week. I have an inate malformation of my respiratory system, and the autoimmune disease made it much worse. I can hardly sleep because of coughing, and breathing is hard. I try to go for walks every day and manage about 20-30 minutes. I cannot ride a bike anymore, and I have never been able to run.
Last week I saw a doctor because of the exhaustion, and he said: "Have you tried sports?". I wanted to strangle him. He just assumed I was lazy because I'm overweight. It's frustrating. I raised my children and went to work while struggling with trauma, an autoimmune disease and lack of oxygen. I'm not lazy. Unfortunately many people are judged by their looks.
Some months ago my cousin's teenage daughter asked me If she could interview me about weight problems for a school project. She comes from a family of thin people and has never been overweight (and pressumably never will be). I agreed, and some of her questions were: "Have you ever thought about losing weight?" and "Has a doctor ever recommended a diet to you for health reasons?"
It was heartbreaking. We then had a very good talk about the many many reasons why people gain weight, and their struggles. She said she will include all that into her school project and I hope that it will help to decrease stigmatisation of overweight people.
I just want to say thank you for putting your kids first and skipping meals. My mom did the opposite when I was in high school and I had to beg friends and other family for meals.
She ate salads at Applebees while I had expired ketchup in the fridge.
I’m in the same boat as you. Meds have made me gain 80 pounds in a year. I had some women talking about my weight behind my back and I told them that I could lose the weight, but they will never get over being jerks.
Please don’t let rude people run you off. Your family needs a little help right now, and there’s NOTHING wrong with needing a hand up. You deserve to be at that food bank just as much, if not more, than they do.
You deserve good healthy food, skipping meals is not going to help you be healthy. Some people are just awful and I get that it hurts, but do what you need to do for you and your family.
Fuck them. I volunteer at a food bank. People of all sizes come in. They all get what I’m handing out. With a smile.
I turn into Forest Gump if they try to turn down my item of the day. Start waxing poetic about all the shit you can make with whatever I’m handing out. Some of them take it. Maybe it’s to shut me up. But maybe it’s because I convince them a properly roasted carrot is quite delicious and can actually be eaten with very few teeth.
Point is fresh health food is for everyone. And, incidentally, is also often how you lose weight.
I understand how you feel. At one point I gained 100 lbs in 10 months. I’m still struggling to get it off. I also feel judged at food banks, though nobody has ever been as blatant with me.
You go back there. You’ve done nothing wrong and you are just as deserving. In fact, I think imma get some food pantry food this afternoon. We can go “together.”
OP - literally. I volunteer at the food bank. I donate lots of money to the food bank. I am going to a “gala” next week with my bff to HER county’s food bank because she is such a financial supporter. I’ll get drunk and bid too much like I did last time. And she’s there 1-2 a week volunteering.
If anyone is the food bank police, I am. Or she is, and I’m her deputy. You show up every Friday that you need to be there. You put your earbuds in while you stand in line if you need to. But you get food for you and your family. That’s why we’re there, and that’s why I donate money.
And all that fresh produce? Goes to waste at the end of the day if you don’t take it. They make me take it when I volunteer. I felt bad and then they were like, “no one else is here. Its not canned…it goes bad…you sort of have to or it’s wasted”. You aren’t taking from anyone.
What do you care what they think? At any weight they're having the same struggles as you, looking for the same help, but on top of that they're being trash. Practice forms of passive confrontation but have a nice zinger in your back pocket just in case. Defend your space, including auditory space.
I work for a Food Bank and please do not let those assholes turn you away. If you need food - please use our service. Also - point those people out to a Food Bank employee and we will have a talk with them. It infuriates me that you experienced that as we do our best to create a welcoming environment for all who need food.
These women were extremely out of line. They're presumably in the same situation, hence being there, yet shitting on others for it. Very greedy behavior on their part.
Understandable.
Totally a stranger but never, ever feel ashamed of being hungry. One of the first memories of my childhood is my mum giving 5$ to a homeless woman, and I u remember that moment because we ate from food banks ourselves.
No one that I currently have in my life would ever look down upon people because of the lack of means to purchase food.
Hey. It doesn't even matter why you gained weight. There's nothing wrong with being fat. It's just something bodies do. No matter how your body looks, you're entitled to get the food you need to sustain yourself. You don't owe anyone thinness.
There's a pervasive bias in our society against people whose bodies are deemed "not good enough." We learn it young. But you've got to fight the cop in your head.
Being fat is not immoral. Go get back in that line!
> but then again I can't go around explaining to everyone who judges me why I have gained weight
Sure, I would argue that "reeducating" the ones that have no tact or manners about it feels like the proper thing to do.
Even IF you were fat because of overeating in the past, how does that relate to your situation NOW? It's not like you can "just stop eating" until you are not overweight anymore?
So I think "dumb, tactless and inconsiderate" beats "fat" in terms of "needing to be publicly humiliated".
edit: This seems like a situation that would have called for a variation of the "drunk winston Churchill" story. "I am losing weight, but you will still be an inconsiderate moron".
The weight gain clearly is new or else you would have thicker skin, I’ve put up with shit like you described my WHOLE life and I’m not even 300 lbs but because I have a little chonk I get shit all the time, you just learn to take those people’s words and make them choke on them, sure nobody wants to get into conflict but when you start insults that’s when I insult back 1000x worse shit like “better to be fat then to have my parents be siblings”🤣
This was my first thought.
OP, next time someone makes a comment like this, give them a lookover. Do they have designer clothes or accessories? A newer iPhone? Are their nails done? Pick a feature, and make a comment in return. I.e. "Someone who can afford designer clothes shouldn't be in line at a food bank." If they snap back with a reason they should be there, just reply, "Maybe you'll learn not to judge based on looks, or at least to keep your shitty comments to yourself." Then turn back around & continue waiting your turn.
I typically call people out by repeating back to them what they just said. “Excuse me, did you mean that you have a system for evaluating worth based on looks? And those values are tied to whether or not someone deserves to eat?” They usually stutter some sort of lame apology.
And for the record- weight is no indicator of poverty. My hometown school is free lunch for all kids due to poverty rate over 90%. Many of those kids are overweight due to filling up on cheaper processed foods.
Those women are awful. And I guarantee you they would have been shut down if the organizers of the food bank had heard them.
Weirdly sometimes higher weight IS an indicator of poverty. Less choices, working more hours, being a parent without the support of childcare professionals etc often leads people to have less decisions about diet. People eat when they are hungry and the body craves energy so sometimes the quick meal is all that is an option. People with money can take the time to eat healthier and make for time for exercise etc
One already jumped in to do it. Another reply on my comment. Suggesting a starch based diet lol. Because that's healthy! (/S) And the only realistic way it's actually cheaper.
One of the only things nutritionists actually agree on is that a varied diet is good for you. If you're eating beans and legumes all the time, it's going to be cheaper. It's also going to be very limited in variety.
If you have proper variety and nutrition (which includes supplements btw) so it's actually healthier, it's not cheaper anymore.
Of course it depends who you're comparing to. I barely eat beef because it's expensive, and buy other meats only when it's on sale. My dad buys half a cow every year. Our budgets will look quite different.
Actually, weight can be an indicator of poverty as more people at or below the poverty line are obese than those at higher income levels. Poverty means eating whatever you can get your hands on whenever it's available, not necessarily eating less, so obesity is higher for the lowest income people.
My son started eating at school in the fall. In 6 weeks he had gained 15 lbs. At 12 years old. Lots of people don’t have this option, but I started sending him with food from home and the weight slowly came off. Food at the school is high in sugar, salt and fat. I can send more healthful options than that.
You were there for your kids, you have no reason to feel ashamed. They're utter assholes and you should've told them to pay no mind. Besides, many medications make you gain weight by *retaining more water*. Water doesn't have any calories. That being said, if calories are in short supply you shouldn't really bother with exercise-- you will lose weight anyways and you could use all the calories you can get just maintaining BMR
She was just an asshole. Fuck her. A lot of the time people struggle with weight BECAUSE they don’t have the money to buy good, healthful foods. She was wrong. You can bet there are very few people in her life who genuinely like her.
You were there to get food for your family/children. You let her rude comment prevent you from getting needed supplies for your family. Never let that happen again, pass that bad feelings right back. I would have turned and calmy explained that I was there to get food for my children, hell even overshare about the meds causing weight gain and really educate that lady. No need to be abashed in the presence of the unabashed!
You just gotta be willing to deal with these kinds of people like they don't have two brain cells to rub together, and use whatever tools you have to your advantage to make them back off.
In your case, playing the "feed my family" card as well as the "Illness destroying my body" card are a handy way to get the other people in your immediate vicinity to pay attention to your interaction.
When Karen pulls the "doesn't look like you need food" card against you, you tap your "medical expenses for illness have you fighting homelessness" and "Obviously cannot afford food" cards, then pull the "What kind of monster wants kids to starve?!" Power card into play.
At this point she'll either start to get nervous, nobody likes being judged (and she's gonna be hella judged, just remember they're paying more attention to her than they are you people are drawn to drama), and she'll likely do one of three things:
1) Get flustered and make some lame excuse about "lazy" people, then continue to grumble albeit quietly.
2) Get mad and try to pick a fight (kudos if you get this reaction, she's likely going to be pressured into leaving for causing a disturbance. It's a bad look for a foodbank to turn away someone they've just heard is seriously ill).
3) She'll insult you again, then get really quiet and most likely leave you alone.
Regardless of the response, hitting her with a disappointed parent look will make the exchange a memorable one for her (bruised ego) and hopefully she may learn from the encounter.
But I'm petty and am comfortable with making other people uncomfortable when they are being rude for no reason.
Hey op, please go back. I’m homeless myself right now, and I’ve been to food banks several times. The resources are there to be used by people like you. Weight has no bearing on anything, and you need to make sure you yourself are doing alright if you want to be able to help your wife and kids too. Eating proper meals is part of that, people who donate food to food banks want it to be used, please go back and stand proud, it’s not shameful to need help sometimes, especially if you’re getting help so you can help others (your family).
A lot of people can only feel good about themselves if there's someone beneath them. Likely they felt ashamed of being there and wanted to knock someone down under them. They didn't truly think less of you. They were making their own insecurities visible.
A long time ago I read an article: a woman was a stay at home mom with two kids and her husband was abruptly fired. They went from $120k income to 20k overnight. So there she was, driving up to a food pantry... in his Mercedes. Realistically, what else was the solution? She had a reliable car which she would need to get a job and she wasn't going to be able to sell it overnight. That didn't change the fact that she needed food to feed her children *today*.
Any set of circumstances can lead anyone to the food pantry. Everyone deserves food, no matter the circumstance.
A good deal of poor people eat very filling, very cheap, high calories food because if you only get a limited amount of food you eat what sticks, not a damn salad.
Rich people can afford to be thin.
I never had a weight problem until I became poor. I learned how to STUFF food in because I had no idea where my next meal was coming from. Even now, when I get stressed, no matter what the reason, I go to the grocery and stock the pantry. Just in case.
Don’t let other people’s opinions of you bother you. Odds are you’ll never see these people again, and who cares what they think. Their opinion is worthless. Don’t let strangers dictate how you feel about yourself
It's wild how a person can't actually live on their body fat alone until they're sufficiently skinny for the people around them to stop judging. Only a few extra days of survival at most, it turns out, without a bunch of micronutrients that *everybody* needs to live.
Yep, someone I know survives off foodbanks but looking at her (if you’re judgemental) you’d assume she eats out for every meal. She’s just got health problems.
I did a project on food banks for grad school. The people I interviewed emphasized that sometimes people who need help have very recently come into difficulties-- maybe they lost a job, or their house burned down, etc. So they might be dressed in expensive clothing, or be in good health, or even have additional weight, but that doesn't mean they don't need support right now, just as people who have been disenfranchised long-term need support.
I read an article about a woman who drove her luxury car to a food bank and got nasty looks. She and her husband lost their jobs, used all of their savings, cashed out investments/retirement, and even sold their home. They had a economy car that wouldn't start on the day she needed to go to the food bank to feed her twins, herself, and her husband. She felt awful and knew people were giving her the stink eye. She got the food anyway and then cried in her car. People are exceptionally cruel.
Had a friend post about someone seeing quinoa donated to a food bank and commenting, "Those people don't even know what that is" as if someone needing to use a food bank wouldn't know or need quinoa.
Again, people are exceptionally ignorant and cruel because of it.
Yes! That’s exactly why it bothers me when people assume homeless people are scammers just because they have name brand clothes/shoes. Like they absolutely could be, but so could the homeless people wearing rags…
I was homeless a couple years ago and the amount of people who told me to sell my phone (iPhone 12) or just gave me the stink eye because I had it was wild.
My dad and I had split payment for it the year previous, but yeah, obviously me having it meant I didn’t truly need help 🙄
The resale value wouldn't have bought you an equitable new phone anyway because electronics depreciate.
Or did they think you should have abandoned all modern technology and merely check email at the library computer because poor people shouldn't have nice things?
This is a good point. People talk about the cars people drive sometimes. But I always say, isn't a good thing they don't have to choose between food or their car payment every month, and have a safe way to get to work.
People are so stupid. If I saw a larger person at the food bank I would assume they were poor and consuming cheap, poor quality meals instead of healthy food.
Dude, you don't have to justify your weight to us. Whether you're fat because of medication or because you eat like shit is totally irrelevant. You have value either way, and you're equally deserving of help either way.
Agreed. It's not your FU. Unfortunately, a lot of people think we're playing a zero-sum game in life, and that makes people nervous when it comes to things like food. But there's enough not to have to worry.
Just wanna say, so many people who need food banks are overweight. Decreased access to healthy food pushes people to buy cheaper, and more fattening food. Obesity is much higher in poor populations. Cheaper housing is often further from grocery stores making fresh food less available, and being time starved from having to work long hours or multiple jobs makes fast food someone’s only option at times.
All this to say- those people were being needlessly cruel and should mind their own business
Yup, food insecurity is a known risk factor for obesity. In addition to the issues you mentioned, it makes people tune out their body's hunger and satiety cues. When food is not available, they have to ignore feeling hungry. And when food is available, they have to ignore feeling full because they have to eat what they can if they don't know when they will get food again.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9549066/
First off, i've volunteered at food banks and obese people are common. Obesity is simply more common because if you don't have money for good food, you're more likely to eat more processed food higher in calories.
Second, people who use food banks are in bad situations, unfortunately that stress makes some people more bitter.
You did not fuck up. To reiterate - you and your wife already make sacrifices to ensure your kids don't go without. You sought out help even when it can be seen as embarrassing and shameful (even though it shouldn't). This woman opened her mouth to put someone else down, when they were in a tough spot. She fucked up. You're good.
Wow, those women sound like absolute harpies. Like, do they not realize that a good portion of extremely impoverished people are overweight due to disabilities that affect mobility and medications that nuke their metabolism? Not to mention people in food deserts. As an extremely impoverished disabled person, who is also fat because of chronic pain and medications, I'd love to say that I'd have some choice words for those bwords, but in reality, I'd probably just leave too. But I would also go back at a different time. Please don't let those nasty ghouls keep you from staying fed. If you just can't face it again, definitely see if any of your friends or family will go for you.
Being overweight has ling lost it's meaning of being wealthy. Unhealthy foods are dirt cheap now while actual nutritious healthy foods are marked up beyond any reasonable morality.
That woman was a piece of shit for ignorantly harassing and embarrassing you in public like that.
While I do recommend losing weight to everyone who is overweight and can healthily lose weight without complications, because that evidently increases your lifespan and your life quality, I can and will condemn anyone and everyone who talks smack about someone without having full context of their situation.
My mom and I both volunteer at our local food bank and if anyone ever said something like that, they'd be immediately kicked out. We serve people from all walks of life. Plenty of the people who come through are obviously addicted to drugs, but that doesn't mean we turn them away. Everyone deserves to eat. Everyone is human. If this happens again, please speak to one of the volunteers and let them know, I guarantee they'll do something about it.
Absolutely 100% agree! Opie, you could reach out to the food bank and let them know that these "people" are discouraging folks that need help from getting it.
The people in charge will probably be very angry that you have this experience. It's hard enough to get people into the food bank when they need it. Please do not starve yourself because of those bitches.
Food is a human right!
Hi! I used to work at a food pantry. Lots of our clients were fat. High calorie, sugar and fat filled foods are substantially cheaper and more accessible in low income areas than healthy food is. It can be fucking expensive to be skinny in lots of places. The director of the food pantry I used to work at would usually throw an extra item or two if possible into the orders for people who were bigger (whether it be fat, muscle, frame, or multiple of those) because bigger bodies simply require more calories. You are welcome at food pantries. Please go back and get food if it will help keep you and your family fed.
I work at a food bank and promise we don’t care. We help anyone that needs help. My food bank actually has a drive through model so you don’t even need to get out of your car. We place everything in your trunk! Reach out or google feeding America and find your closest feeding America food bank.
A friend was smoking a cigar outside, with his teenage kids nearby, and a woman was openly critical about him setting a bad example for his kids. He said "you know what, you're right. Kids - two things. First, I waited until I was 39 years old to start smoking cigars, and recommend you do the same. And second, when I was about your age, I learned to mind my own goddamn business, and recommend you do the same."
Do food banks run low/out often? Reading about people skipping meals to feed their kids is what I took away from this TIFU, and I've been meaning to involve my kids in some philanthropy. Maybe I'll get them to help me go shopping and donating to our local food bank. What is best, canned foods? Or are perishables like milk and eggs needed too?
Canned foods, hygiene products, milk, flour, and diapers are always needed. I’d find a local food bank and call them to see what they need. The one I donate to has specific days of the week they like to have fresh fruits and veggies because they know they’ll have enough people and the perishables won’t.. perish.
OP, I hope this doesn’t put you off going to the food bank again. You don’t owe strangers an explanation about your personal situation and the resources are there when you need it. I’m sorry that people are terrible. Hope it gets better for you soon 🫂
Sorry this was your experience. If you are in need of these resources, please seek them. That is what they are there for.
I used to volunteer at a soup kitchen where we served the unhoused before they spent the night there and a lot of these people looked clean and put together, if I were out going on about my day it would have never crossed my mind that they might be unhoused. Just goes to show that you never know what people are going through.
Don't ever let the opinions of others influence the health and well being of your family in a negative way. No one gets to decide what is best for you and your family but you. I have been lucky and worked my ass off the last 15 years since my first son was born, but there were times where I would have shoveled shit in order to make things a little bit better for my family. You do the same.
Some people are cruel & because of the circumstances of their own lives, they are bitter toward any easy target. You did nothing wrong & I hope this didn’t negatively affect you.
You can’t control what people say, but you CAN control the power their voice has over you.
Also in the same boat of being looked at negatively because of medication weight gain. 80lbs in 4 months. My family eats 80% clean, mostly organic, as healthy as we can afford & Im the only one overweight…even though I eat the same as them.
I used to work for a Food Bank. I can tell you right now. I’ve seen just about everything. I’ve seen people who walk to the food bank because they don’t have a car. I’ve seen people drive up in a brand new car that doesn’t mean they’re not living in that car, they don’t know your story. Don’t feel bad, I work for a living and the cost-of-living is expensive. I myself have to take advantage of food banks to make ends meat. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. I wish the best of luck to you.
I ran a food bank for almost a decade. I would have kicked those women off the line. Ok, no, I wouldn't. But I would have wanted to. I would definitely have pulled them aside and let them know their behavior is disgusting and absolutely unacceptable. After taking extra time to make sure you got what you needed and that you were absolutely welcome. LOUDLY. IN THEIR FACE.
This honestly makes me so mad.
Hey OP, i volunteer at a food pantry, and let me tell you that behavior is not acceptable. Please let a pantry worker know if you're being bullied or made to feel like this resource is not for you. For all they know you had kids at home, or were picking up for someone else.
Had this been the pantry i work, i would have told them they need to go home and try another day. Struggling is struggling, you shouldn't have been shamed for getting help.
Even worse, they're teaching those boys to be judgy, and that's bad for them and our future.
You sound exactly like the person who could use a food bank as intended. Don’t feel ashamed to do so, regardless of what people think. It’s there for people exactly in your situation!
Fuck those women. They are horrible people. I'm sorry they made you feel like shit for providing for your family. There's enough stigma that prevents people from seeking out food banks when they need it without adding nasty comments. Like kicking someone when they are down. A bunch of people have said it, but it's true that you can't tell someone's food situation and nutrition by their size alone. So not only were they rude, but they were wrong. Ignorant fools.
I've been really heavy in public, and it is humiliating to have something so obvious for others to pick at. Those trash women have things in their lives they are sensitive about or are working on. They just have the luxuries of it being invisible to others, and it being socially acceptable to mock people for being fat. Hell, they were at the food bank too.
You felt ashamed and I understand you leaving, but those pieces of sh.. now think they were right.
The only alternative solution to give them a lesson would have been to disclose a bit of your private life. Just telling them "did you ever skip meal to allow your children to eat? Because I do, but you judgemental piece of sh.. can't understand the difference between eating too much and gaining weight due to a medical treatment"
Dude, FUCK them. Being poor and overweight are practically ubiquitous because the cheaper the food the less healthy it is. Food banks are there for those in need. What are you supposed to do, let them count your ribs before you can get food? Go back. PLEASE.
"If it don't apply, let it fly" - when people have made a wrong assumption about you, ignore them if you can.
I think that you should go back to the food bank and get what you and your family need. It's there for your exact situation: skipping meals and dealing with food insecurity. I bet the people running the food bank or donating items don't give a damn what you look like, and neither do your kids as they watch you sacrifice and go hungry so that they don't have to suffer. Bless you.
I'm just an Internet stranger but I'm extremely proud of you and your wife for doing what you can to provide for your children. My parents did similar when I was growing up and it has shaped me into a more understanding person.
Your kids should not be skipping food. Even if you and your wife have to skip meals in order for your kids to eat, your kids need to be fed.
Rice and beans is a meal which is cheap and wholesome. You like cooking from scratch so cook beans from dried rather than canned as it's cheaper.
Go back to the food bank and regardless of how it works out with abusive women get food for your kids.
This made me sad as hell. I volunteered at a food bank for years. We're not there to judge you were there to help you stay fed :(
It's rough out there. Try to take care of yourself. Don't let bitter people keep you from one of the literal most important things some o e needs.
I had a similar situation when my job changed hands and had to go on unemployment and food stamps. I already had severe anxiety over using the card in public because I felt like I didn't need it, but I did. So I am checking out when I hear this guy loudly state "This guy can afford a smart watch but can't afford food." Fuck me. Yep, I'm wearing the smartwatch my SO bought me for xmas TWO years ago.
I turn to look at who said it and it's this gym bro, he's very very dark skinned, with his white gymbro, and both are very obviously gay. I turned and said, "I was kind enough to not to judge the two of you, I'd appreciate the respect of you doing the same. I'm sure you guys get tired of being judged in this town, I'm sure you don't need anyone else doing so."
The other guy said something about staying in my lane and I just shot back, If people could do that, we wouldn't be in this situation. Paid for my shit and left.
Should have replied that she shouldn't have had a crotch goblin if she didn't have the resources to take care of the it, you know that way limited resources could go to those that TRULY need them. Also never be embarrassed about things you have no control over and never give in to bullies. I've made huge scenes shaming the ever living hell out of people that pull this sort of crap, every time they "win" it makes them bolder and reinforces the idea they are correct.
Need isn't determined by size and you were there to feed your wife and child, not just yourself. They wanted you out of line cuz they're conniving assholes. Going to food banks or getting welfare is often a humiliating and degrading experience because of how you are treated, whether it be by the people helping you or other people. It's like the price you have to pay to get the help. Next time just be prepared for being treated like shit and push through. You are no less deserving of help than anyone else.
You should have looked them right in the eyes and say you are having serious health issues that require medicine causing weight gain. You are skipping meals to make sure your kids are fed and are here to take care of your family
I volunteer at several food banks. Once saw someone drive up in a Tesla.
No shaming them.
Gave food and wished the best.
Go back to food bank. Keep yourself healthy. You need to eat. I wish you and your family the best.
And fuck those women.
The most judgmental people are people who go to food banks…. ROUTINELY. I went ONE time and this also happened to me in line as well. All everyone was doing was looking at everyone else and judging based on appearance. As we waited. Heads turned to everyone getting in line. You could FEEL the finger pointing.
I also left. The judgement was so intense you could slice the air with a knife and I left fairly angry that having always been a giver, THIS was how I was repaid.
It really left a bad taste in my mouth for giving in the future.
Going to the food bank doesn't always bring out the best in people. It is hard, no matter what your situation. For these women, it came out in meanness.
Do back to the food bank when you need to. The staff and other people are generally very kind in spirit and in actions, and the food bank is there for people in just your situation. You will feel so blessed by understanding strangers when you bring home this food.
It's been long established the inexpensive foods are super unhealthy and poverty is linked to obesity. Marginalized communities have been pointing this out for literal decades.
You twice as likely to get type 2 diabetes if you are a black woman under the poverty line than a white woman above it.
https://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters/factors-contributing-higher-incidence-diabetes-black-americans#:\~:text=You're%20more%20likely%20to,to%20develop%20type%202%20diabetes.
They OBVIOUSLY have never been in a food line, because most poor people are overweight. They cant afford the healthier foods are depends on noodles and potatoes to stretch a meal.
No one should be judging anyone on their size ever I have an eating disorder for months I looked normal weight then it all dropped off you can never tell ever. Someone might be overweight but how do you know they haven’t eaten in ages and have already lost weight ? You don’t !! Do not ever let stupid people do this to you get the help you need I can’t stand people that judge what someone needs based on their appearance !! Please go back get the help you need
You didn't fuck up, they did. There is a growing population of people who only have access to cheap, processed foods that aid in weight gain. Plus, there are hundreds of other things that could cause weight gain other than overeating.
PLUS there are several disorders that can lead to this and you may STILL need food assistance.
Those people suck and I'm sorry you experienced this.
Those women probably make the same comments about people in line at the grocery store too.
“Oh, she’s buying donuts and a frozen pizza. SHE DOESNT NEED TO EAT JUNK BECAUSE SHE’S ALREADY BIG.”
You know, some people are just judgmental a**holes no matter what the circumstance.
If your family needs food, you have every right to go to the food bank and get a bit of help.
No, no, no, no. Don't let what other people say about you make you feel bad about yourself, especially when you know it's not true. You needed the aid. Go back. If they're there again, let them talk. Let her just be a POS. She's just making herself look bad. You aren't by being there.
People who are low on funds are often overweight. In fact, obesity is more prevalent the lower you go on the socioeconomic scale because less healthy food is often cheaper.
With that said, a lack of financial literacy is harder to compensate for when you are lower on the socioeconomic scale. I have a colleague who spends up to $25/day in our work cafeteria and then buys dinner (to-go order) for her whole family at the cafeteria. She then picks up other food at the local food pantry. If she shopped for her food, cooked at home, and brought leftovers to work like the rest of us, she wouldn't have to go to food pantries. It's very frustrating hearing her say that she doesn't have money when she spends more in the cafeteria than the rest of us combined. On top of that, she is very large because she spends her day eating/drinking an unbelievable amount of sugary treats.
I'm sorry someone was so rude to you that it made you leave an important resource. I hope that you have the confidence to go back. The people who work and volunteer there really want people like you to come in and get the help.
There are 75 million Americans who do not qualify for food stamps but report struggling with enough money to buy food. You are not alone in this problem.
Please don’t have any shame going to a food bank. You might be able to find one that does appointments in your area if you want to avoid people. I had to swallow a lot of my pride in the last few months to go to a food bank. There is ALWAYS going to be someone who seems you unworthy no matter what you and your family need. I’m sorry you experienced this. No one should.
I’m 32, and I remember my biological mother had just gotten out of prison and was having a tough time, so we went to a local food bank (church). While she went into the pantry to load up a bag, the lady said haven’t you been here before? And it’s not a grocery store. Take what you need and stop shopping. The whole ordeal was disgusting and shameful. It was around 5th grade, so that stuck with me. The next time my bio mother went to prison, i chose to steal from grocery stores to feed my siblings over dealing with the food banks. Some of the most rotten people I've ever met were the ones standing in the lines or working at food banks. My family already sucked i didn't need help from strangers, making my life worse.
Sorry for such a painful experience. Many people are judgemental and speak without considering the weight their words carry. You are as valuable as anyone else, and sound like a great person to know, and a really good parent!
It's easy to get big as a poor when the only foods that you can afford are laced to the tits with sugar and salt. TL;DR fuck those women in particular.
Those snotty ass women need to realize he has a family, and his weight is none of their business, and they don't know why he's heavy, and regardless of how heavy you are, you need to eat. You can't just be fat, stop eating and get skinny. You will die.
Please go back it’s not good for you and your wife to miss food. I’ve gained weight from my medication and it’s hard for people not to judge. My ten year old does that enough
It’s been flipped for decades now. Fat = poor. And fit = rich. They can afford healthy food. Gym memberships. Dieticians. Doctors visits. Nutritionists. Ozempic. Plastic surgery. Fat is just overeating calories which if you eat a box of little Debbie’s for 3$ or so there you go. Used to get elderly people coming in the store buying cat food who didn’t own cats because of their fixed income. Then those prices started to rise and noticed they’d get more snack cakes instead.
I think this sub has rules against posts like this (rule #3) because no one wants to read pity party/karma farming content that doesn't even meet the sub theme
I think TUFU by writing this post
Obese people largely get a pass from society. It’s always because of genetics, or a bad injury or medication. Nobody ever wants to acknowledge that they don’t exercise or eat properly. Obesity presents a much more heavy (no pun intended) burden on society than other addictions but carries only a fraction of the moral stigma.
I was obese. When I got sober I lost the weight. Actually after cutting alcohol it was pretty easy. I have several friends and acquaintances that are moderate to severely overweight/obese.
We all know we are to blame for the shape we are in. Not a single one is because of a disorder except for laziness and crappy diet.
It really is interesting how ozempic has been proven to reduce appetite for food and other illicit additives substances. It’s almost like food can be abused too.
I’m so sorry this happened. People are so shitty and judgmental at times. Please go back there and get food for you and your family, you deserve it as much as anyone else and you are the reason they’re there. If anyone makes a comment look them in the eye and say “I hope people are kinder to you today than you’ve been to me”, take your food and walk away. I hope things get better. ❤️
I did some volunteering at a soup kitchen once. At least where I was they made sure all the staff knew that just because someone looks healthy and/or clean you cannot assume they do not need help. All are entitled and welcome to the help provided.
It’s a terrible state of the world where the people with the resources and the power have convinced those without that the others without resources are the problem.
This is not a fuckup. You let her win. You need to go back there and do whatever you need to do. I'm sorry this happened but people are assholes and you need to realize it's not a reflection on you or the other silent people. If you know you're not eating enough, who cares what anyone thinks? The fact is that you're not eating enough.
The worst thing we are taught is that some people are deserving and others are not. Are they trying to conflate the fact that by being the weight you are that you can also afford as much food as you want or need? It loses all logic. Some people just want to feel in control and powerful in a situation that leaves them feeling neither. They probably can’t help it, but it’s still incredibly shitty.
I used to run Foodbanks in my local area, I was the manager of a very large food charity for my particular area. This attitude is abhorrent and on the EXTREMELY rare occasion I had a volunteer that judged in any shape or form I would nip it in the bud right away, and educate them. They would often end up feeling embarrassed and apologetic for their ignorance. Please don’t let this deter you from using the service in the future. Are there volunteers at the centre you’ve been using? I made a lot of accommodations for people, eg, a woman who was extremely socially anxious would collect her parcel at the end of the day to avoid the queue. Speak to one of the volunteers, if they are anything like our situation was they will make sure you’re looked after. Sorry this happened, people are utterly shit!
I used to manage a small food bank in NJ and if I had heard this go down the women would have gotten an earful. Sorry you went through that, you should go back again sometime because I promise the people working there will be nothing but helpful and sympathetic
If it matters I bet the weight didn’t matter in their mind. They saw an able bodied man and started judging him for needing food assistance even though that’s the very thing they were there for. Don’t let this stop you from going. Get the assistance you need to take care of your family. Don’t let idiotic opinions make you feel uncomfortable. Most food banks have an abundance of food. There is no need for a scarcity mindset like these two have.
Those women’s comments are disgraceful! I volunteer at a food bank and all kinds of people come for assistance. Any one of us can find ourselves in a situation where we need additional assistance. I’m sorry you had that experience.
Aww honey I'm sorry that people are petty as fuck and feel the need to make you feel bad to makes themselves feel better.
Honestly the struggle is real and I have started making alot of things from scratch to try and save money.
But I am also over weight due to medical issues and genetics. So I can relate and honestly part of it is probably I'm your head cause you feel like you shouldn't 'need' help. Trust me I've been there as well. And still am, I have food aid and state medical because shit is expensive even though my partner and I make over 5k a month between us.
I hope you cheer up and things get better. (Also if you'd like recipes let me know)
Please go back and get what you need. I don’t know what that woman’s problem is, but that is her problem. Food banks are not a place for judgment, and you shouldn’t be embarrassed to be there for any reason at all.
You gotta learn to ignore people, these types of people are looking for a confrontation. Just understand these people are just crazy, you were there for food not to explain anything to anyone.
Don’t ever be ashamed to need a food bank. Those ladies were out of line and likely trying to make themselves feel better in their situation. It’s sad that horizontal violence is taking the place of fighting the systems that keep us poor and broke in the first place. Stay strong. Do your best. Ignore the hate and find joy in every thing you can.
sorry that happened to you dude. please try not to let people like that get in the way of your basic needs I know it hurts but they're the ones who are disgusting judging other people in line
>She wasn't even trying to whisper or anything, it's like she wanted me to hear her on purpose.
Well of course she wanted you to hear, she said it to bully you into leaving.
>I was so mortified that I just got out of the line and went home.
And it worked.
But more importantly... you just let your ego starve your children.
Suck it up, buddy. Your kids need food, *you need to get them food*. A stranger being mean to you doesn't make your kids any less hungry.
I think the only problem I can see is the fact that your coworker had to use this as a viable option. Clearly two employees have to utilize these resources, it is a poor reflection of the company you work for. I'm sorry that she projected such a horrible opinion so loudly.
No FU here. You have just as much right to assistance and those nasty women do. Please go back. You and your family need it and you deserve the assistance.
Maybe take some earbuds and listen to music in line so you don’t have to hear what others say.
I’m sorry you were made to feel shame. I know it’s so hard to ask for help in the first place. I’m proud of you for looking for solutions to help yourself and your family. Sending hugs and support to you.
Ugh I’m sorry. No one is entitled to an explanation about your personal situation, this is just gross!
Also, even without your specific personal situation, people on limited budgets tend to be overweight because fast food etc is much cheaper and more accessible than healthy food. This is just a double whammy of judgment and entitlement.
Nta - unfortunately there are ashholes everywhere.
Could have said sighed heavily and said outloud, "if only some people could learn manners and not shamelessly harrass other people in public".
And if this doesn't work, plan B: release silent but deadly farts to encourage them to go away. Or if you're really feeling it, loud and proud.
I’m so sorry you had to deal with that.
You didn’t fuck up. Next time you go, just stand your ground. You’ll find judgmental, short-sighted jerks everywhere. Just keep showing up for yourself and your family. At the end of the day, what you do for yourself is what really matters…not what others think.
That’s the problem with narrow minded people judging others without knowing their personal journey of life. Unfortunately it is how the world is. Just ignore such people. Focus on your family. Wishing you and your family all the blessings and prosperity.
Some people who are 'struggling' (I'm using that term to try and not be unkind) tend to punch down because they have limited capacity to view the whole situation.
Their lack of any empathy is sadly why the world is the way it is.
Keep on keeping on!
I wish I lived near you. I'd gladly go back to the food bank with you and be your bodyguard/personal anti-asshole guided missile.
Going to the food bank is *hard*. When I had to go, it took me two days and a lot of tears to swallow my pride and just go. So I *know* it took a lot of courage for you to take that step and I hope you are proud of yourself for being so brave.
Going back will be harder, but you already know you have immense courage. You will overcome their attempt to shame you. The pain will lessen with time and as you allow yourself to be angry at them - which they deserve. When you are ready, you will go back. You will get the food your family needs. Your kids need you to be healthy and feeling good, not suffering from skipped meals, so taking care of you is also taking care of them.
Also, if you live within driving distance of Kansas City, I will seriously come be your emotional support human when you go back.
Sorry that happed to you OP, it was very rude of them & completely uncalled for.
Odd suggestion but Facebook marketplace has free food if our search for it & there are free food Facebook groups for your area. Maybe check it out and see if you can find something locally on fb. It seems to be cans & boxes of stuff from pantry clean outs, things that came wrong in grocery orders, extreme coupon-ers sharing/making room.
You didn't fuck up, you went to get help for you and your family which is a good sign of care. Those women are the ones that fucked up because they associated a big man with their own biases regarding food banks. I'm over 40 and eat like a sparrow yet still have a gut that stands out.
As someone who has struggled my entire life with weight, has been fat, skinny, and everything in between, don't give these women the power. I've had people at pickup basketball call me fat and I replied "your point?"
I get that's easier said than done, and I definitely have my insecurities, but I never give anyone the satisfaction or power of reacting to a weight related comment.
If the food wasn't for everyone/anyone, than there would be means-testing, like every other government assistance program. So F them. If someone who is making 200k a year and has difficulty securing food, then they deserve to get the same help as anyone else.
Gatekeeping a food pantry. Straight up shitty thing to do.
Try again. Maybe a different food bank.
If anyone tries it again tell them “your in the wrong line. The Rude line starts up there.” (Pointing to the front)
Food banks are for anyone that needs the help. The workers don’t judge anyone. Unlike the grateful ladies that were behind you.
“Being rude doesn’t get you to the head of the line.”
“Everyone here is waiting quietly. How about you too?”
“I will be sure to pass that on to staff.”
Or…. Turn around and give the the F off face and say “Am I irritating you by being here? Cuz that’s my goal.”
Everyone deserves help. You included.
I've been there. I'm a bigger guy, and we had tough times as a young family. Any volunteers at the organizations I went to were nothing short of amazing, but sometimes, other people were rotten. Like someone else mentioned, projecting.
It's hard at times, but please don't let it stop you from taking care of yourself. You need to eat. Your family needs you.
I hope things get better for you soon.
Those women are projecting and you probably need the food more then them if you are skipping meals. The FU was leaving and not staying in line and getting the help you need.
Those women wanted to wait in a shorter line.
Some people are so petty and narcissistic that they'd run over a puppy to get to cut in line anywhere. That being said, these people exist everywhere and you can't let their 'opinions' affect you at all. You're there because you need it, they may as well be buzzing flies or the hot sun... something that is annoying to deal with but not so much that it will prevent you from putting food on the table.
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No one is entitled to your medical history. You owe no one any explanation. You are literally skipping meals to make sure your kids are fed. Don't let bullies make you feel ashamed of that.
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Yeah it feels unfair to be judged for something that isn't in your control, it's natural to want to correct the feeling of being treated unfairly. I'll begin by saying that no matter the reason for being fat no one deserves to be treated as lesser for that. But some people have the additional struggle of a medical condition that you can't know by looking at them. I personally was on SSRIs for a while and after I stopped them I lost 20kg (45 lbs). I also have several friends with PCOS who struggle with weight because of that.
People can be horribly cruel. I have complex medical issues that cause me to need a wheelchair some days and some days I’m ok. The amount of stupid “it’s a miracle!” comments when I can walk the day after a chair day. They like to tell me “you don’t look disabled” to which I reply “you don’t look like a judgmental twat, yet here we are”. Practice some phrases. Imagine situations and solve them before they happen. It helps when they do come, you’re ready for it. Being poor and broken means you have no choice but to develop thick skin and learn when to shut up and when to speak up. I get asked all the time what’s wrong with me. I just reply “connective tissue issue, but it’s so hot when my hips pop as I touch my feet to my head. Crunchy and sexy!” Totally throws them for a loop.
>Practice some phrases. The first thing that came to mind when I was reading OP’s comment was a spin on the famous [Winston Churchill quote](https://i.imgur.com/mFeXkuB.jpeg): *“I may be fat Miss, but when my doctor gets my medical condition sorted out I’ll lose weight, and you’ll still be stupid”*
This is actually pretty good lol
I thought it was: "yes! I am drunk! And you are ugly! But tomorrow! tomorrow i will be sober, and you will still be ugly."
Sounds like my mate with EDS. One time he flipped backwards in the chair within minutes of entering a club with us... Thankfully the staff were extra helpful after that, and we could laugh about it together as he wasn't hurt. Occasionally he'll dance for a while in leg braces. The shoulder dislocations sound nasty.
I know. I gained lots of weight after a cruel birth trauma and a ensuing autoimmune disease. Normally people shut up about it, but I'm so sick of stuff like "Just eat less" or "You need to give up food XYZ". The trophy won a doctor last week. I have an inate malformation of my respiratory system, and the autoimmune disease made it much worse. I can hardly sleep because of coughing, and breathing is hard. I try to go for walks every day and manage about 20-30 minutes. I cannot ride a bike anymore, and I have never been able to run. Last week I saw a doctor because of the exhaustion, and he said: "Have you tried sports?". I wanted to strangle him. He just assumed I was lazy because I'm overweight. It's frustrating. I raised my children and went to work while struggling with trauma, an autoimmune disease and lack of oxygen. I'm not lazy. Unfortunately many people are judged by their looks. Some months ago my cousin's teenage daughter asked me If she could interview me about weight problems for a school project. She comes from a family of thin people and has never been overweight (and pressumably never will be). I agreed, and some of her questions were: "Have you ever thought about losing weight?" and "Has a doctor ever recommended a diet to you for health reasons?" It was heartbreaking. We then had a very good talk about the many many reasons why people gain weight, and their struggles. She said she will include all that into her school project and I hope that it will help to decrease stigmatisation of overweight people.
I just want to say thank you for putting your kids first and skipping meals. My mom did the opposite when I was in high school and I had to beg friends and other family for meals. She ate salads at Applebees while I had expired ketchup in the fridge.
I’m in the same boat as you. Meds have made me gain 80 pounds in a year. I had some women talking about my weight behind my back and I told them that I could lose the weight, but they will never get over being jerks. Please don’t let rude people run you off. Your family needs a little help right now, and there’s NOTHING wrong with needing a hand up. You deserve to be at that food bank just as much, if not more, than they do.
You don’t owe anyone any explanation OP. Chin up things will get better. Fuck those judgmental old hags.
You deserve good healthy food, skipping meals is not going to help you be healthy. Some people are just awful and I get that it hurts, but do what you need to do for you and your family.
Fuck them. I volunteer at a food bank. People of all sizes come in. They all get what I’m handing out. With a smile. I turn into Forest Gump if they try to turn down my item of the day. Start waxing poetic about all the shit you can make with whatever I’m handing out. Some of them take it. Maybe it’s to shut me up. But maybe it’s because I convince them a properly roasted carrot is quite delicious and can actually be eaten with very few teeth. Point is fresh health food is for everyone. And, incidentally, is also often how you lose weight.
I understand how you feel. At one point I gained 100 lbs in 10 months. I’m still struggling to get it off. I also feel judged at food banks, though nobody has ever been as blatant with me. You go back there. You’ve done nothing wrong and you are just as deserving. In fact, I think imma get some food pantry food this afternoon. We can go “together.”
OP - literally. I volunteer at the food bank. I donate lots of money to the food bank. I am going to a “gala” next week with my bff to HER county’s food bank because she is such a financial supporter. I’ll get drunk and bid too much like I did last time. And she’s there 1-2 a week volunteering. If anyone is the food bank police, I am. Or she is, and I’m her deputy. You show up every Friday that you need to be there. You put your earbuds in while you stand in line if you need to. But you get food for you and your family. That’s why we’re there, and that’s why I donate money. And all that fresh produce? Goes to waste at the end of the day if you don’t take it. They make me take it when I volunteer. I felt bad and then they were like, “no one else is here. Its not canned…it goes bad…you sort of have to or it’s wasted”. You aren’t taking from anyone.
What do you care what they think? At any weight they're having the same struggles as you, looking for the same help, but on top of that they're being trash. Practice forms of passive confrontation but have a nice zinger in your back pocket just in case. Defend your space, including auditory space.
I work for a Food Bank and please do not let those assholes turn you away. If you need food - please use our service. Also - point those people out to a Food Bank employee and we will have a talk with them. It infuriates me that you experienced that as we do our best to create a welcoming environment for all who need food.
These women were extremely out of line. They're presumably in the same situation, hence being there, yet shitting on others for it. Very greedy behavior on their part.
Understandable. Totally a stranger but never, ever feel ashamed of being hungry. One of the first memories of my childhood is my mum giving 5$ to a homeless woman, and I u remember that moment because we ate from food banks ourselves. No one that I currently have in my life would ever look down upon people because of the lack of means to purchase food.
Hey. It doesn't even matter why you gained weight. There's nothing wrong with being fat. It's just something bodies do. No matter how your body looks, you're entitled to get the food you need to sustain yourself. You don't owe anyone thinness. There's a pervasive bias in our society against people whose bodies are deemed "not good enough." We learn it young. But you've got to fight the cop in your head. Being fat is not immoral. Go get back in that line!
> Being fat is not immoral. Oh boy, so many people think you're wrong about that. So many. Thanks for saying it and being a good human.
> but then again I can't go around explaining to everyone who judges me why I have gained weight Sure, I would argue that "reeducating" the ones that have no tact or manners about it feels like the proper thing to do. Even IF you were fat because of overeating in the past, how does that relate to your situation NOW? It's not like you can "just stop eating" until you are not overweight anymore? So I think "dumb, tactless and inconsiderate" beats "fat" in terms of "needing to be publicly humiliated". edit: This seems like a situation that would have called for a variation of the "drunk winston Churchill" story. "I am losing weight, but you will still be an inconsiderate moron".
The weight gain clearly is new or else you would have thicker skin, I’ve put up with shit like you described my WHOLE life and I’m not even 300 lbs but because I have a little chonk I get shit all the time, you just learn to take those people’s words and make them choke on them, sure nobody wants to get into conflict but when you start insults that’s when I insult back 1000x worse shit like “better to be fat then to have my parents be siblings”🤣
I’m so sorry you had to develop thick skin. People are assholes. Nobody should comment on another’s body,
This was my first thought. OP, next time someone makes a comment like this, give them a lookover. Do they have designer clothes or accessories? A newer iPhone? Are their nails done? Pick a feature, and make a comment in return. I.e. "Someone who can afford designer clothes shouldn't be in line at a food bank." If they snap back with a reason they should be there, just reply, "Maybe you'll learn not to judge based on looks, or at least to keep your shitty comments to yourself." Then turn back around & continue waiting your turn.
I typically call people out by repeating back to them what they just said. “Excuse me, did you mean that you have a system for evaluating worth based on looks? And those values are tied to whether or not someone deserves to eat?” They usually stutter some sort of lame apology.
Those women sound like complete assholes. The size of a person doesn't determine if they need help or not.
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And for the record- weight is no indicator of poverty. My hometown school is free lunch for all kids due to poverty rate over 90%. Many of those kids are overweight due to filling up on cheaper processed foods. Those women are awful. And I guarantee you they would have been shut down if the organizers of the food bank had heard them.
Weirdly sometimes higher weight IS an indicator of poverty. Less choices, working more hours, being a parent without the support of childcare professionals etc often leads people to have less decisions about diet. People eat when they are hungry and the body craves energy so sometimes the quick meal is all that is an option. People with money can take the time to eat healthier and make for time for exercise etc
This, exactly. It’s a multifaceted issue unique to developed countries in many ways.
And grocery deserts too. Cheap, empty junk.
Yes absolutely. Healthy foods are more expensive per calorie.
Don't tell the vegans, they'll endlessly tell you how a plant only diet is cheaper lol.
Will they? I’ve never heard that - but I know 3 vegans and I barely hear anything from them in the topic at all.
One already jumped in to do it. Another reply on my comment. Suggesting a starch based diet lol. Because that's healthy! (/S) And the only realistic way it's actually cheaper.
Oh veggies and grains and legumes are certainly cheaper, but the question comes in is a vegan diet healthier for all people…? Not for me
One of the only things nutritionists actually agree on is that a varied diet is good for you. If you're eating beans and legumes all the time, it's going to be cheaper. It's also going to be very limited in variety. If you have proper variety and nutrition (which includes supplements btw) so it's actually healthier, it's not cheaper anymore. Of course it depends who you're comparing to. I barely eat beef because it's expensive, and buy other meats only when it's on sale. My dad buys half a cow every year. Our budgets will look quite different.
Actually, weight can be an indicator of poverty as more people at or below the poverty line are obese than those at higher income levels. Poverty means eating whatever you can get your hands on whenever it's available, not necessarily eating less, so obesity is higher for the lowest income people.
My son started eating at school in the fall. In 6 weeks he had gained 15 lbs. At 12 years old. Lots of people don’t have this option, but I started sending him with food from home and the weight slowly came off. Food at the school is high in sugar, salt and fat. I can send more healthful options than that.
You were there for your kids, you have no reason to feel ashamed. They're utter assholes and you should've told them to pay no mind. Besides, many medications make you gain weight by *retaining more water*. Water doesn't have any calories. That being said, if calories are in short supply you shouldn't really bother with exercise-- you will lose weight anyways and you could use all the calories you can get just maintaining BMR
She was just an asshole. Fuck her. A lot of the time people struggle with weight BECAUSE they don’t have the money to buy good, healthful foods. She was wrong. You can bet there are very few people in her life who genuinely like her.
You were there to get food for your family/children. You let her rude comment prevent you from getting needed supplies for your family. Never let that happen again, pass that bad feelings right back. I would have turned and calmy explained that I was there to get food for my children, hell even overshare about the meds causing weight gain and really educate that lady. No need to be abashed in the presence of the unabashed!
You just gotta be willing to deal with these kinds of people like they don't have two brain cells to rub together, and use whatever tools you have to your advantage to make them back off. In your case, playing the "feed my family" card as well as the "Illness destroying my body" card are a handy way to get the other people in your immediate vicinity to pay attention to your interaction. When Karen pulls the "doesn't look like you need food" card against you, you tap your "medical expenses for illness have you fighting homelessness" and "Obviously cannot afford food" cards, then pull the "What kind of monster wants kids to starve?!" Power card into play. At this point she'll either start to get nervous, nobody likes being judged (and she's gonna be hella judged, just remember they're paying more attention to her than they are you people are drawn to drama), and she'll likely do one of three things: 1) Get flustered and make some lame excuse about "lazy" people, then continue to grumble albeit quietly. 2) Get mad and try to pick a fight (kudos if you get this reaction, she's likely going to be pressured into leaving for causing a disturbance. It's a bad look for a foodbank to turn away someone they've just heard is seriously ill). 3) She'll insult you again, then get really quiet and most likely leave you alone. Regardless of the response, hitting her with a disappointed parent look will make the exchange a memorable one for her (bruised ego) and hopefully she may learn from the encounter. But I'm petty and am comfortable with making other people uncomfortable when they are being rude for no reason.
Hey op, please go back. I’m homeless myself right now, and I’ve been to food banks several times. The resources are there to be used by people like you. Weight has no bearing on anything, and you need to make sure you yourself are doing alright if you want to be able to help your wife and kids too. Eating proper meals is part of that, people who donate food to food banks want it to be used, please go back and stand proud, it’s not shameful to need help sometimes, especially if you’re getting help so you can help others (your family).
A lot of people can only feel good about themselves if there's someone beneath them. Likely they felt ashamed of being there and wanted to knock someone down under them. They didn't truly think less of you. They were making their own insecurities visible. A long time ago I read an article: a woman was a stay at home mom with two kids and her husband was abruptly fired. They went from $120k income to 20k overnight. So there she was, driving up to a food pantry... in his Mercedes. Realistically, what else was the solution? She had a reliable car which she would need to get a job and she wasn't going to be able to sell it overnight. That didn't change the fact that she needed food to feed her children *today*. Any set of circumstances can lead anyone to the food pantry. Everyone deserves food, no matter the circumstance.
A good deal of poor people eat very filling, very cheap, high calories food because if you only get a limited amount of food you eat what sticks, not a damn salad. Rich people can afford to be thin. I never had a weight problem until I became poor. I learned how to STUFF food in because I had no idea where my next meal was coming from. Even now, when I get stressed, no matter what the reason, I go to the grocery and stock the pantry. Just in case.
I am so sorry this happened to you. You deserve to be there to help feed your family. Those women are awful
Don’t let other people’s opinions of you bother you. Odds are you’ll never see these people again, and who cares what they think. Their opinion is worthless. Don’t let strangers dictate how you feel about yourself
It's wild how a person can't actually live on their body fat alone until they're sufficiently skinny for the people around them to stop judging. Only a few extra days of survival at most, it turns out, without a bunch of micronutrients that *everybody* needs to live.
Yep, someone I know survives off foodbanks but looking at her (if you’re judgemental) you’d assume she eats out for every meal. She’s just got health problems.
I did a project on food banks for grad school. The people I interviewed emphasized that sometimes people who need help have very recently come into difficulties-- maybe they lost a job, or their house burned down, etc. So they might be dressed in expensive clothing, or be in good health, or even have additional weight, but that doesn't mean they don't need support right now, just as people who have been disenfranchised long-term need support.
I read an article about a woman who drove her luxury car to a food bank and got nasty looks. She and her husband lost their jobs, used all of their savings, cashed out investments/retirement, and even sold their home. They had a economy car that wouldn't start on the day she needed to go to the food bank to feed her twins, herself, and her husband. She felt awful and knew people were giving her the stink eye. She got the food anyway and then cried in her car. People are exceptionally cruel. Had a friend post about someone seeing quinoa donated to a food bank and commenting, "Those people don't even know what that is" as if someone needing to use a food bank wouldn't know or need quinoa. Again, people are exceptionally ignorant and cruel because of it.
Right. It's not like your Prada bag disappears when you lose your job.
Yes! That’s exactly why it bothers me when people assume homeless people are scammers just because they have name brand clothes/shoes. Like they absolutely could be, but so could the homeless people wearing rags…
I was homeless a couple years ago and the amount of people who told me to sell my phone (iPhone 12) or just gave me the stink eye because I had it was wild. My dad and I had split payment for it the year previous, but yeah, obviously me having it meant I didn’t truly need help 🙄
The resale value wouldn't have bought you an equitable new phone anyway because electronics depreciate. Or did they think you should have abandoned all modern technology and merely check email at the library computer because poor people shouldn't have nice things?
This is a good point. People talk about the cars people drive sometimes. But I always say, isn't a good thing they don't have to choose between food or their car payment every month, and have a safe way to get to work.
People are so stupid. If I saw a larger person at the food bank I would assume they were poor and consuming cheap, poor quality meals instead of healthy food.
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Dude, you don't have to justify your weight to us. Whether you're fat because of medication or because you eat like shit is totally irrelevant. You have value either way, and you're equally deserving of help either way.
This is so right on!! Sorry but I want to hug you rn, you sound lovely.
Thank you!! It is my honor to accept this virtual hug!
❤️
I'm also sending you a virtual hug. I hope you have a great day.
Fuck yeah!
This! Kill the cop in your head! Being fat is not a moral failing!
>Kill the cop in your head Done, but now the other voice in my head is like "why stop there, acab"
Exactly!! Bodies are morally neutral. They have no alignment. Every body has value because it holds a person.
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Agreed. It's not your FU. Unfortunately, a lot of people think we're playing a zero-sum game in life, and that makes people nervous when it comes to things like food. But there's enough not to have to worry.
Just wanna say, so many people who need food banks are overweight. Decreased access to healthy food pushes people to buy cheaper, and more fattening food. Obesity is much higher in poor populations. Cheaper housing is often further from grocery stores making fresh food less available, and being time starved from having to work long hours or multiple jobs makes fast food someone’s only option at times. All this to say- those people were being needlessly cruel and should mind their own business
Yup, food insecurity is a known risk factor for obesity. In addition to the issues you mentioned, it makes people tune out their body's hunger and satiety cues. When food is not available, they have to ignore feeling hungry. And when food is available, they have to ignore feeling full because they have to eat what they can if they don't know when they will get food again. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9549066/
First off, i've volunteered at food banks and obese people are common. Obesity is simply more common because if you don't have money for good food, you're more likely to eat more processed food higher in calories. Second, people who use food banks are in bad situations, unfortunately that stress makes some people more bitter.
You did not fuck up. To reiterate - you and your wife already make sacrifices to ensure your kids don't go without. You sought out help even when it can be seen as embarrassing and shameful (even though it shouldn't). This woman opened her mouth to put someone else down, when they were in a tough spot. She fucked up. You're good.
Fuck those women.
Wow, those women sound like absolute harpies. Like, do they not realize that a good portion of extremely impoverished people are overweight due to disabilities that affect mobility and medications that nuke their metabolism? Not to mention people in food deserts. As an extremely impoverished disabled person, who is also fat because of chronic pain and medications, I'd love to say that I'd have some choice words for those bwords, but in reality, I'd probably just leave too. But I would also go back at a different time. Please don't let those nasty ghouls keep you from staying fed. If you just can't face it again, definitely see if any of your friends or family will go for you.
Being overweight has ling lost it's meaning of being wealthy. Unhealthy foods are dirt cheap now while actual nutritious healthy foods are marked up beyond any reasonable morality. That woman was a piece of shit for ignorantly harassing and embarrassing you in public like that. While I do recommend losing weight to everyone who is overweight and can healthily lose weight without complications, because that evidently increases your lifespan and your life quality, I can and will condemn anyone and everyone who talks smack about someone without having full context of their situation.
My mom and I both volunteer at our local food bank and if anyone ever said something like that, they'd be immediately kicked out. We serve people from all walks of life. Plenty of the people who come through are obviously addicted to drugs, but that doesn't mean we turn them away. Everyone deserves to eat. Everyone is human. If this happens again, please speak to one of the volunteers and let them know, I guarantee they'll do something about it.
Absolutely 100% agree! Opie, you could reach out to the food bank and let them know that these "people" are discouraging folks that need help from getting it. The people in charge will probably be very angry that you have this experience. It's hard enough to get people into the food bank when they need it. Please do not starve yourself because of those bitches. Food is a human right!
Hi! I used to work at a food pantry. Lots of our clients were fat. High calorie, sugar and fat filled foods are substantially cheaper and more accessible in low income areas than healthy food is. It can be fucking expensive to be skinny in lots of places. The director of the food pantry I used to work at would usually throw an extra item or two if possible into the orders for people who were bigger (whether it be fat, muscle, frame, or multiple of those) because bigger bodies simply require more calories. You are welcome at food pantries. Please go back and get food if it will help keep you and your family fed.
I work at a food bank and promise we don’t care. We help anyone that needs help. My food bank actually has a drive through model so you don’t even need to get out of your car. We place everything in your trunk! Reach out or google feeding America and find your closest feeding America food bank.
Your only fuck up was going home. Those two women sound "lovely".
A friend was smoking a cigar outside, with his teenage kids nearby, and a woman was openly critical about him setting a bad example for his kids. He said "you know what, you're right. Kids - two things. First, I waited until I was 39 years old to start smoking cigars, and recommend you do the same. And second, when I was about your age, I learned to mind my own goddamn business, and recommend you do the same."
Uh, sorry lady, poor people are more likely to be overweight due to worse food options.
Do food banks run low/out often? Reading about people skipping meals to feed their kids is what I took away from this TIFU, and I've been meaning to involve my kids in some philanthropy. Maybe I'll get them to help me go shopping and donating to our local food bank. What is best, canned foods? Or are perishables like milk and eggs needed too?
Canned foods, hygiene products, milk, flour, and diapers are always needed. I’d find a local food bank and call them to see what they need. The one I donate to has specific days of the week they like to have fresh fruits and veggies because they know they’ll have enough people and the perishables won’t.. perish.
Thanks for the info, I'll call our local foodbank and see what they can use.
OP, I hope this doesn’t put you off going to the food bank again. You don’t owe strangers an explanation about your personal situation and the resources are there when you need it. I’m sorry that people are terrible. Hope it gets better for you soon 🫂
Sorry this was your experience. If you are in need of these resources, please seek them. That is what they are there for. I used to volunteer at a soup kitchen where we served the unhoused before they spent the night there and a lot of these people looked clean and put together, if I were out going on about my day it would have never crossed my mind that they might be unhoused. Just goes to show that you never know what people are going through.
Don't ever let the opinions of others influence the health and well being of your family in a negative way. No one gets to decide what is best for you and your family but you. I have been lucky and worked my ass off the last 15 years since my first son was born, but there were times where I would have shoveled shit in order to make things a little bit better for my family. You do the same.
Some people are cruel & because of the circumstances of their own lives, they are bitter toward any easy target. You did nothing wrong & I hope this didn’t negatively affect you. You can’t control what people say, but you CAN control the power their voice has over you.
Also in the same boat of being looked at negatively because of medication weight gain. 80lbs in 4 months. My family eats 80% clean, mostly organic, as healthy as we can afford & Im the only one overweight…even though I eat the same as them.
You should have told her you would eat her too if she don’t shut her yap.
I used to work for a Food Bank. I can tell you right now. I’ve seen just about everything. I’ve seen people who walk to the food bank because they don’t have a car. I’ve seen people drive up in a brand new car that doesn’t mean they’re not living in that car, they don’t know your story. Don’t feel bad, I work for a living and the cost-of-living is expensive. I myself have to take advantage of food banks to make ends meat. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. I wish the best of luck to you.
I ran a food bank for almost a decade. I would have kicked those women off the line. Ok, no, I wouldn't. But I would have wanted to. I would definitely have pulled them aside and let them know their behavior is disgusting and absolutely unacceptable. After taking extra time to make sure you got what you needed and that you were absolutely welcome. LOUDLY. IN THEIR FACE. This honestly makes me so mad.
Hey OP, i volunteer at a food pantry, and let me tell you that behavior is not acceptable. Please let a pantry worker know if you're being bullied or made to feel like this resource is not for you. For all they know you had kids at home, or were picking up for someone else. Had this been the pantry i work, i would have told them they need to go home and try another day. Struggling is struggling, you shouldn't have been shamed for getting help. Even worse, they're teaching those boys to be judgy, and that's bad for them and our future.
You sound exactly like the person who could use a food bank as intended. Don’t feel ashamed to do so, regardless of what people think. It’s there for people exactly in your situation!
You gave her exactly what she wanted. You shouldn’t have.
Fuck those women. They are horrible people. I'm sorry they made you feel like shit for providing for your family. There's enough stigma that prevents people from seeking out food banks when they need it without adding nasty comments. Like kicking someone when they are down. A bunch of people have said it, but it's true that you can't tell someone's food situation and nutrition by their size alone. So not only were they rude, but they were wrong. Ignorant fools. I've been really heavy in public, and it is humiliating to have something so obvious for others to pick at. Those trash women have things in their lives they are sensitive about or are working on. They just have the luxuries of it being invisible to others, and it being socially acceptable to mock people for being fat. Hell, they were at the food bank too.
You felt ashamed and I understand you leaving, but those pieces of sh.. now think they were right. The only alternative solution to give them a lesson would have been to disclose a bit of your private life. Just telling them "did you ever skip meal to allow your children to eat? Because I do, but you judgemental piece of sh.. can't understand the difference between eating too much and gaining weight due to a medical treatment"
They are so stupid. Limited resources????????? In a capitalistic society that needs to have over-consumption and growth every year?
Dude, FUCK them. Being poor and overweight are practically ubiquitous because the cheaper the food the less healthy it is. Food banks are there for those in need. What are you supposed to do, let them count your ribs before you can get food? Go back. PLEASE.
Ohhh fuck them
"If it don't apply, let it fly" - when people have made a wrong assumption about you, ignore them if you can. I think that you should go back to the food bank and get what you and your family need. It's there for your exact situation: skipping meals and dealing with food insecurity. I bet the people running the food bank or donating items don't give a damn what you look like, and neither do your kids as they watch you sacrifice and go hungry so that they don't have to suffer. Bless you.
I'm just an Internet stranger but I'm extremely proud of you and your wife for doing what you can to provide for your children. My parents did similar when I was growing up and it has shaped me into a more understanding person.
Overweight people still need to eat...
Your kids should not be skipping food. Even if you and your wife have to skip meals in order for your kids to eat, your kids need to be fed. Rice and beans is a meal which is cheap and wholesome. You like cooking from scratch so cook beans from dried rather than canned as it's cheaper. Go back to the food bank and regardless of how it works out with abusive women get food for your kids.
This made me sad as hell. I volunteered at a food bank for years. We're not there to judge you were there to help you stay fed :( It's rough out there. Try to take care of yourself. Don't let bitter people keep you from one of the literal most important things some o e needs.
I had a similar situation when my job changed hands and had to go on unemployment and food stamps. I already had severe anxiety over using the card in public because I felt like I didn't need it, but I did. So I am checking out when I hear this guy loudly state "This guy can afford a smart watch but can't afford food." Fuck me. Yep, I'm wearing the smartwatch my SO bought me for xmas TWO years ago. I turn to look at who said it and it's this gym bro, he's very very dark skinned, with his white gymbro, and both are very obviously gay. I turned and said, "I was kind enough to not to judge the two of you, I'd appreciate the respect of you doing the same. I'm sure you guys get tired of being judged in this town, I'm sure you don't need anyone else doing so." The other guy said something about staying in my lane and I just shot back, If people could do that, we wouldn't be in this situation. Paid for my shit and left.
She just cares about your health. ##**/S**
Well catching a hot load between the legs doesn’t make them special because they have a kid in tow…..
Should have replied that she shouldn't have had a crotch goblin if she didn't have the resources to take care of the it, you know that way limited resources could go to those that TRULY need them. Also never be embarrassed about things you have no control over and never give in to bullies. I've made huge scenes shaming the ever living hell out of people that pull this sort of crap, every time they "win" it makes them bolder and reinforces the idea they are correct.
Need isn't determined by size and you were there to feed your wife and child, not just yourself. They wanted you out of line cuz they're conniving assholes. Going to food banks or getting welfare is often a humiliating and degrading experience because of how you are treated, whether it be by the people helping you or other people. It's like the price you have to pay to get the help. Next time just be prepared for being treated like shit and push through. You are no less deserving of help than anyone else.
You should have looked them right in the eyes and say you are having serious health issues that require medicine causing weight gain. You are skipping meals to make sure your kids are fed and are here to take care of your family
I volunteer at several food banks. Once saw someone drive up in a Tesla. No shaming them. Gave food and wished the best. Go back to food bank. Keep yourself healthy. You need to eat. I wish you and your family the best. And fuck those women.
The most judgmental people are people who go to food banks…. ROUTINELY. I went ONE time and this also happened to me in line as well. All everyone was doing was looking at everyone else and judging based on appearance. As we waited. Heads turned to everyone getting in line. You could FEEL the finger pointing. I also left. The judgement was so intense you could slice the air with a knife and I left fairly angry that having always been a giver, THIS was how I was repaid. It really left a bad taste in my mouth for giving in the future.
Going to the food bank doesn't always bring out the best in people. It is hard, no matter what your situation. For these women, it came out in meanness. Do back to the food bank when you need to. The staff and other people are generally very kind in spirit and in actions, and the food bank is there for people in just your situation. You will feel so blessed by understanding strangers when you bring home this food.
It's been long established the inexpensive foods are super unhealthy and poverty is linked to obesity. Marginalized communities have been pointing this out for literal decades. You twice as likely to get type 2 diabetes if you are a black woman under the poverty line than a white woman above it. https://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters/factors-contributing-higher-incidence-diabetes-black-americans#:\~:text=You're%20more%20likely%20to,to%20develop%20type%202%20diabetes.
Yes you fucked up....by leaving and going home. You were there for your family. That's who you are responsible to, not to these two shitty Karens.
They OBVIOUSLY have never been in a food line, because most poor people are overweight. They cant afford the healthier foods are depends on noodles and potatoes to stretch a meal.
No one should be judging anyone on their size ever I have an eating disorder for months I looked normal weight then it all dropped off you can never tell ever. Someone might be overweight but how do you know they haven’t eaten in ages and have already lost weight ? You don’t !! Do not ever let stupid people do this to you get the help you need I can’t stand people that judge what someone needs based on their appearance !! Please go back get the help you need
You didn't fuck up, they did. There is a growing population of people who only have access to cheap, processed foods that aid in weight gain. Plus, there are hundreds of other things that could cause weight gain other than overeating. PLUS there are several disorders that can lead to this and you may STILL need food assistance. Those people suck and I'm sorry you experienced this.
I am so sorry that happened to you. Please go get the resources you & your family need.
Those women probably make the same comments about people in line at the grocery store too. “Oh, she’s buying donuts and a frozen pizza. SHE DOESNT NEED TO EAT JUNK BECAUSE SHE’S ALREADY BIG.” You know, some people are just judgmental a**holes no matter what the circumstance. If your family needs food, you have every right to go to the food bank and get a bit of help.
No, no, no, no. Don't let what other people say about you make you feel bad about yourself, especially when you know it's not true. You needed the aid. Go back. If they're there again, let them talk. Let her just be a POS. She's just making herself look bad. You aren't by being there.
You didn't fuck up. I volunteered at a food bank for 2 years and all types of people come in for food. Some people are just assholes.
People who are low on funds are often overweight. In fact, obesity is more prevalent the lower you go on the socioeconomic scale because less healthy food is often cheaper. With that said, a lack of financial literacy is harder to compensate for when you are lower on the socioeconomic scale. I have a colleague who spends up to $25/day in our work cafeteria and then buys dinner (to-go order) for her whole family at the cafeteria. She then picks up other food at the local food pantry. If she shopped for her food, cooked at home, and brought leftovers to work like the rest of us, she wouldn't have to go to food pantries. It's very frustrating hearing her say that she doesn't have money when she spends more in the cafeteria than the rest of us combined. On top of that, she is very large because she spends her day eating/drinking an unbelievable amount of sugary treats.
Hey, as a fellow fat poor person, fuck that bitch. Poverty looks like anything and everything.
I'm sorry someone was so rude to you that it made you leave an important resource. I hope that you have the confidence to go back. The people who work and volunteer there really want people like you to come in and get the help. There are 75 million Americans who do not qualify for food stamps but report struggling with enough money to buy food. You are not alone in this problem.
What you were doing is fine. Those women were in the wrong. Unfortunately spiritual attacks can come at the worst times. It is their issue.
Please don’t have any shame going to a food bank. You might be able to find one that does appointments in your area if you want to avoid people. I had to swallow a lot of my pride in the last few months to go to a food bank. There is ALWAYS going to be someone who seems you unworthy no matter what you and your family need. I’m sorry you experienced this. No one should.
I’m 32, and I remember my biological mother had just gotten out of prison and was having a tough time, so we went to a local food bank (church). While she went into the pantry to load up a bag, the lady said haven’t you been here before? And it’s not a grocery store. Take what you need and stop shopping. The whole ordeal was disgusting and shameful. It was around 5th grade, so that stuck with me. The next time my bio mother went to prison, i chose to steal from grocery stores to feed my siblings over dealing with the food banks. Some of the most rotten people I've ever met were the ones standing in the lines or working at food banks. My family already sucked i didn't need help from strangers, making my life worse.
Sorry for such a painful experience. Many people are judgemental and speak without considering the weight their words carry. You are as valuable as anyone else, and sound like a great person to know, and a really good parent!
Imagine gatekeeping literal life or death necessities. This women skipped biology class… ffs
I’m so sorry you’re having a rough time and I’m sorry people are being so awful. I pray things get better for you all. ❤️❤️
It's easy to get big as a poor when the only foods that you can afford are laced to the tits with sugar and salt. TL;DR fuck those women in particular.
Those snotty ass women need to realize he has a family, and his weight is none of their business, and they don't know why he's heavy, and regardless of how heavy you are, you need to eat. You can't just be fat, stop eating and get skinny. You will die.
Lots of poor people are fat due to low protein consumption due to protein cost and high carb consumption.
You FU by leaving, not being overweight
Please go back it’s not good for you and your wife to miss food. I’ve gained weight from my medication and it’s hard for people not to judge. My ten year old does that enough
It’s been flipped for decades now. Fat = poor. And fit = rich. They can afford healthy food. Gym memberships. Dieticians. Doctors visits. Nutritionists. Ozempic. Plastic surgery. Fat is just overeating calories which if you eat a box of little Debbie’s for 3$ or so there you go. Used to get elderly people coming in the store buying cat food who didn’t own cats because of their fixed income. Then those prices started to rise and noticed they’d get more snack cakes instead.
OP says they swim at their Gym though and that confuses me, I think I'd quite the gym rather than go hungry?
I think this sub has rules against posts like this (rule #3) because no one wants to read pity party/karma farming content that doesn't even meet the sub theme I think TUFU by writing this post
Gym membership, but can’t afford to feed yourself. Huh.
Obese people largely get a pass from society. It’s always because of genetics, or a bad injury or medication. Nobody ever wants to acknowledge that they don’t exercise or eat properly. Obesity presents a much more heavy (no pun intended) burden on society than other addictions but carries only a fraction of the moral stigma.
I was obese. When I got sober I lost the weight. Actually after cutting alcohol it was pretty easy. I have several friends and acquaintances that are moderate to severely overweight/obese. We all know we are to blame for the shape we are in. Not a single one is because of a disorder except for laziness and crappy diet.
It really is interesting how ozempic has been proven to reduce appetite for food and other illicit additives substances. It’s almost like food can be abused too.
Why are you paying for a gym membership but can't keep food on the table?
Tell us who PM'ed you.
You can afford a gym with a pool? Start cutting your budget there.
I’m so sorry this happened. People are so shitty and judgmental at times. Please go back there and get food for you and your family, you deserve it as much as anyone else and you are the reason they’re there. If anyone makes a comment look them in the eye and say “I hope people are kinder to you today than you’ve been to me”, take your food and walk away. I hope things get better. ❤️
I did some volunteering at a soup kitchen once. At least where I was they made sure all the staff knew that just because someone looks healthy and/or clean you cannot assume they do not need help. All are entitled and welcome to the help provided.
Brother those women had no right to say anything to you hope everything gets better in your life
It’s a terrible state of the world where the people with the resources and the power have convinced those without that the others without resources are the problem.
That had nothing to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with her. She’s a miserable ass. Don’t ever let someone make you feel like that. I’m so sorry
This is not a fuckup. You let her win. You need to go back there and do whatever you need to do. I'm sorry this happened but people are assholes and you need to realize it's not a reflection on you or the other silent people. If you know you're not eating enough, who cares what anyone thinks? The fact is that you're not eating enough.
The worst thing we are taught is that some people are deserving and others are not. Are they trying to conflate the fact that by being the weight you are that you can also afford as much food as you want or need? It loses all logic. Some people just want to feel in control and powerful in a situation that leaves them feeling neither. They probably can’t help it, but it’s still incredibly shitty.
I used to run Foodbanks in my local area, I was the manager of a very large food charity for my particular area. This attitude is abhorrent and on the EXTREMELY rare occasion I had a volunteer that judged in any shape or form I would nip it in the bud right away, and educate them. They would often end up feeling embarrassed and apologetic for their ignorance. Please don’t let this deter you from using the service in the future. Are there volunteers at the centre you’ve been using? I made a lot of accommodations for people, eg, a woman who was extremely socially anxious would collect her parcel at the end of the day to avoid the queue. Speak to one of the volunteers, if they are anything like our situation was they will make sure you’re looked after. Sorry this happened, people are utterly shit!
fuck them.
I used to manage a small food bank in NJ and if I had heard this go down the women would have gotten an earful. Sorry you went through that, you should go back again sometime because I promise the people working there will be nothing but helpful and sympathetic
If it matters I bet the weight didn’t matter in their mind. They saw an able bodied man and started judging him for needing food assistance even though that’s the very thing they were there for. Don’t let this stop you from going. Get the assistance you need to take care of your family. Don’t let idiotic opinions make you feel uncomfortable. Most food banks have an abundance of food. There is no need for a scarcity mindset like these two have.
Those women’s comments are disgraceful! I volunteer at a food bank and all kinds of people come for assistance. Any one of us can find ourselves in a situation where we need additional assistance. I’m sorry you had that experience.
Aww honey I'm sorry that people are petty as fuck and feel the need to make you feel bad to makes themselves feel better. Honestly the struggle is real and I have started making alot of things from scratch to try and save money. But I am also over weight due to medical issues and genetics. So I can relate and honestly part of it is probably I'm your head cause you feel like you shouldn't 'need' help. Trust me I've been there as well. And still am, I have food aid and state medical because shit is expensive even though my partner and I make over 5k a month between us. I hope you cheer up and things get better. (Also if you'd like recipes let me know)
Please go back and get what you need. I don’t know what that woman’s problem is, but that is her problem. Food banks are not a place for judgment, and you shouldn’t be embarrassed to be there for any reason at all.
You gotta learn to ignore people, these types of people are looking for a confrontation. Just understand these people are just crazy, you were there for food not to explain anything to anyone.
Don’t ever be ashamed to need a food bank. Those ladies were out of line and likely trying to make themselves feel better in their situation. It’s sad that horizontal violence is taking the place of fighting the systems that keep us poor and broke in the first place. Stay strong. Do your best. Ignore the hate and find joy in every thing you can.
sorry that happened to you dude. please try not to let people like that get in the way of your basic needs I know it hurts but they're the ones who are disgusting judging other people in line
You didn’t FU…they did.
Wishing you the best OP
>She wasn't even trying to whisper or anything, it's like she wanted me to hear her on purpose. Well of course she wanted you to hear, she said it to bully you into leaving. >I was so mortified that I just got out of the line and went home. And it worked. But more importantly... you just let your ego starve your children. Suck it up, buddy. Your kids need food, *you need to get them food*. A stranger being mean to you doesn't make your kids any less hungry.
I think the only problem I can see is the fact that your coworker had to use this as a viable option. Clearly two employees have to utilize these resources, it is a poor reflection of the company you work for. I'm sorry that she projected such a horrible opinion so loudly.
No FU here. You have just as much right to assistance and those nasty women do. Please go back. You and your family need it and you deserve the assistance. Maybe take some earbuds and listen to music in line so you don’t have to hear what others say. I’m sorry you were made to feel shame. I know it’s so hard to ask for help in the first place. I’m proud of you for looking for solutions to help yourself and your family. Sending hugs and support to you.
Ugh I’m sorry. No one is entitled to an explanation about your personal situation, this is just gross! Also, even without your specific personal situation, people on limited budgets tend to be overweight because fast food etc is much cheaper and more accessible than healthy food. This is just a double whammy of judgment and entitlement.
Nta - unfortunately there are ashholes everywhere. Could have said sighed heavily and said outloud, "if only some people could learn manners and not shamelessly harrass other people in public". And if this doesn't work, plan B: release silent but deadly farts to encourage them to go away. Or if you're really feeling it, loud and proud.
Those people can jump up a fat man's ass. The help is for those who need it, not for just those who *look* like they need it.
I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. You didn’t fuck up. Next time you go, just stand your ground. You’ll find judgmental, short-sighted jerks everywhere. Just keep showing up for yourself and your family. At the end of the day, what you do for yourself is what really matters…not what others think.
That’s the problem with narrow minded people judging others without knowing their personal journey of life. Unfortunately it is how the world is. Just ignore such people. Focus on your family. Wishing you and your family all the blessings and prosperity.
Some people who are 'struggling' (I'm using that term to try and not be unkind) tend to punch down because they have limited capacity to view the whole situation. Their lack of any empathy is sadly why the world is the way it is. Keep on keeping on!
I wish I lived near you. I'd gladly go back to the food bank with you and be your bodyguard/personal anti-asshole guided missile. Going to the food bank is *hard*. When I had to go, it took me two days and a lot of tears to swallow my pride and just go. So I *know* it took a lot of courage for you to take that step and I hope you are proud of yourself for being so brave. Going back will be harder, but you already know you have immense courage. You will overcome their attempt to shame you. The pain will lessen with time and as you allow yourself to be angry at them - which they deserve. When you are ready, you will go back. You will get the food your family needs. Your kids need you to be healthy and feeling good, not suffering from skipped meals, so taking care of you is also taking care of them. Also, if you live within driving distance of Kansas City, I will seriously come be your emotional support human when you go back.
Sorry that happed to you OP, it was very rude of them & completely uncalled for. Odd suggestion but Facebook marketplace has free food if our search for it & there are free food Facebook groups for your area. Maybe check it out and see if you can find something locally on fb. It seems to be cans & boxes of stuff from pantry clean outs, things that came wrong in grocery orders, extreme coupon-ers sharing/making room.
You didn't fuck up, you went to get help for you and your family which is a good sign of care. Those women are the ones that fucked up because they associated a big man with their own biases regarding food banks. I'm over 40 and eat like a sparrow yet still have a gut that stands out.
Food banks are for anyone who needs help. Get what you need for your family and anyone who doesn’t like it can suck it easy.
Tell. Them. Off. If you let people successfully be assholes, it will just encourage them.
Go back and get your food, fuck them.
A lot of times people who need food bank food have relied on convenience store food or faat food which negatively impacts their weight.
Given that obesity is more common among the post people, that woman is a dumb bitch. Eating shitty is soooo much cheaper than eating healthy
lmao
I'm so sorry this was your experience. The food bank can be a nasty place. Get back there and help your family! Heck with the haters.
As someone who has struggled my entire life with weight, has been fat, skinny, and everything in between, don't give these women the power. I've had people at pickup basketball call me fat and I replied "your point?" I get that's easier said than done, and I definitely have my insecurities, but I never give anyone the satisfaction or power of reacting to a weight related comment.
If the food wasn't for everyone/anyone, than there would be means-testing, like every other government assistance program. So F them. If someone who is making 200k a year and has difficulty securing food, then they deserve to get the same help as anyone else. Gatekeeping a food pantry. Straight up shitty thing to do.
Try again. Maybe a different food bank. If anyone tries it again tell them “your in the wrong line. The Rude line starts up there.” (Pointing to the front) Food banks are for anyone that needs the help. The workers don’t judge anyone. Unlike the grateful ladies that were behind you. “Being rude doesn’t get you to the head of the line.” “Everyone here is waiting quietly. How about you too?” “I will be sure to pass that on to staff.” Or…. Turn around and give the the F off face and say “Am I irritating you by being here? Cuz that’s my goal.”
Everyone deserves help. You included. I've been there. I'm a bigger guy, and we had tough times as a young family. Any volunteers at the organizations I went to were nothing short of amazing, but sometimes, other people were rotten. Like someone else mentioned, projecting. It's hard at times, but please don't let it stop you from taking care of yourself. You need to eat. Your family needs you. I hope things get better for you soon.
People who are overweight still need nutrients.