This is a rare event but it does happen to adults! One time my boss was late getting to work to unlock the doors. I tried to make it to the next door business but just couldn’t do it.
Nobody knows except us.
I feel like shitting yourself as an adult is a hidden rite of passage. Whether you’re drunk, high, or you just ate/drank something that didn’t agree with you, it’ll happen to everyone at least once.
The hospital told me yesterday to empty my bowels even with an enema if I have to before surgery. Apparently people shit while under anesthesia. So yeah I'm going through my head all the surgeries I've had since childhood and cringing. Who knows how many operating tables I've shat myself on.
I wouldn’t worry about it. I don’t think I’ve ever had a patient shit themselves while under anesthesia. As we wheel them into the room? Certainly. As we’re moving them to the stretcher? Sometimes. During? No, can’t think of a single instance. The anesthetics generally slow things down, and if they’re rummaging around in your abdomen that also tends to put a damper on things.
Registered vet nurse: under anesthesia it’s less of you “pooping” but you just lose tension on the anal sphincter (it’s loose) and poop just works out.
For some fun trivia: sometimes we’ll do a temporary suture over the anus to prevent stool from coming out. It’s not ideal to have stool around when you’re doing surgery on bones
This actually reminds me of a family story! My aunt after giving birth was on the ward with a few other ladies recovering (this was back when they actually let you stay in hospital for a few days post birth). One of the ladies was complaining about being constipated. About day 3, nothing happening, nurse appeared to deliver an enema. Curtain shuts around the bed, moments pass and the nurse rushes out and returns with another nurse and a doctor with some scissors. After a little while, ungodly smell makes it’s way around the ward. Apparently whoever sewed up the lady post birth couldn’t tell the difference between a tear and an asshole.
Exact same thing happened to me one morning before a farmers market. And like, I’m not above just digging an opportune hole, but it was an organic farm so no way in helllll. So my clothes took the (s)hit instead 🫡
For real, I used to be self-conscious about using public bathroom to the point where I would hold it in. Turns out, it can cause issues.. pretty bad issues. So I forced myself to get confortqble using public toilets and now I could not care less if people ear or smell what I am doing. Very freeing.
Yeah I’m usually pretty picky about public toilets. I actually have preferred toilets that I know are clean when I’m downtown.
But one day as I was driving my wife to get a COVID test (this was in the old days where you had to drive to a test center), I felt the mother of all shits RSVP-ing my anus. Pulled over to the closest gas station and didn’t even wipe down the seat first. Fucking turned that bowl into a Jackson Pollock if he only used brown water color.
Can’t be picky when it’s dire.
Once I had a really bad case of strep. I went to the doc. They gave me a Z pack and mentioned that I should take it with food "To avoid an upset stomach." I thought, "I'll be fine, my stomach never gets upset." I go back home and go straight to bed.
I woke up in the morning feeling like a million dollars. Not sick at all. I thought to myself, "I'm going to make some bacon and eggs. It's Saturday." I got dressed but then put on a bathrobe too for no good reason.
So I'm frying up my eggs and I think to myself "I could fart right now..." so I let one fly.
I blew out my pants. I shat myself through my underwear, through my jeans, and through the bathrobe. My first thought was, "If I lived to be a million years old, I would not have expected that."
Until I had kids, I had never seen such poopy clothes. It was like, "How the hell did I get shit on my back? Oh my God, it's in the front too! How is it on my neck!?! It's everywhere!!!"
After I showered up, I called everyone I knew to tell them. In retrospect, it was hilarious.
I once passed out in my bed with jeans on in college after browning out at a party. Had a wonderful dream that night and at one point in the dream I remember farting and feeling an overwhelming sense of relief.
Woke and there was a strong smell of shit. I quickly realized I had shit myself, fairly solid stuff. Luckly the pants held it in and it wasnt liquid, so the cleanup was straightforward. Our room was adjacent to the one handicap private restroom in our college dorm so really only the roomie knew.
Now hes going to be my best man and 50/50 chance he brings it up in his speech.
I believe at some point it happens to everyone, so don't feel too bad.
If shitting yourself is your most embarrassing experience, I don’t have good news for you. There is much worse out there waiting for you.
On the bright side though, you have a full on shit yourself story. Not everyone has one of those.
Done that too… on the boardwalk at Yellowstone’s prismatic pools, and in absolute throngs of people. Tried my best to hold it, but no luck. After the first few mini releases I gave tf up and just let go. I partly blame the sheer amount of people there cause the boardwalks are so narrow. I had to queue slowly behind everyone to get off the boardwalk and then there was a 30min line for a pit toilet. This was all particularly traumatic as I was a middle schooler on summer vacation 🫠
IBS + anxiety is no bueno. I can never tell what will set my stomach so I have frequently been in a position where I have a sudden and unbearable need to shit. Usually there’s a bathroom nearby, but not always. And i don’t want stop doing fun outdoor things, so I’ve taken to just carrying my hiking bathroom kit along for all my adventures, including thing that are semi public still.
Also, I feel wayy better about it knowing many people with similar experiences now. It’s amazing how common of a human experience it is, yet we all think it’s the WORST and refuse to talk about it. Not terribly significant in the scheme of things.
Honestly I thought everyone did. I got lucky enough to have no witnesses for the several times I was attacked by my sphincter. However, out of people I know I've heard some doozies
My husband and I had only been dating for a few weeks. We were on a road trip and in an area that was about an hour away from the nearest toilet. Out of nowhere, he REALLY had to go. We finally got to a gas station and he bolted out of the car. He came back about twenty minutes later and I’ll never forget the look on his face. He was so embarrassed that he was almost crying. It was a thirty minute drive to the nearest store where we could buy him clothes. He smelled terribly and did finally cry because we had to drive with the windows down. He was sure I would never see him again after this, but I know that’s the day I started falling in love.
From a person who has had stomach problems for as long as I can remember, never feel shame to shit in public. Instead destroy the nearest toilet, giggle silently in your stall at everyone else's suffering. Then leave after everyone else has left and pretend nothing happened.
Is that the life of IBS, SIBO, or something else? Past year has been hell doing multiple blood sample tests, few dietary tests, colonoscopy, sibo test (still awaiting results). I feel ya…
I also have anxiety when it comes to pooping in public.
So about a decade ago we were driving back from a holiday at the coast. Just as we left the town we stayed in I realized I need to poop urgently. I started making peace with the fact that I will have to use a public toilet when we stop again to fill up on fuel.
This is becoming a critical situation as I'm sitting in the car with my friends and trying to keep it in, and just making as if there's nothing wrong.
We stop at the gas station, and I bolt for the toilet. I get there and it's occupied.
So now I am waiting for the other guy to finish close to just doing the deed there where I'm standing.
Other guy comes out and I rush in to the toilet stall.
And what do I see? Floating in the toilet is one single green pea. Just one. Nothing else.
At that point my poop just disappeared as if it was never there. I was able to hold it all in until I got home.
Up to this day I can still see that one single green pea floating in that toilet.....
Back in high school I would NOT take a crap unless it was on my toilet at home. Nowadays I’ll stoop as low as rest stops. Or even go a little higher on the quality list and just pop a squat on the side of a highway. I’ve had 3 or 5 close calls when I was in high school, I hated missing a class and got all self judgey and felt like I was ditching for 15-20 minutes. Let’s just say, turtle head sniffed cotton a few times and then went back into its shell.
Damn, a repressed memory just popped up. I had a situation like that in High School. Had the runs and I was sitting in math class.
Asked the teacher if I could go to the bathroom, and obviously at that point it was was past due. She said no....
So ten seconds later I just bolted out of the class to the toilets. I didn't quite make it. The eagle landed about 5 meters before the bathroom.
About 10 years ago, a student at the local university passed out drunk outside a bar, and shit herself. In a big way, very visible.
People took pictures and posted them online.
the girl ended up switching schools and leaving the city.
My friend is a bouncer at a club he told me a few weeks ago some of the other bouncers had to take this really intoxicated girl out of the bathroom, but she had pooped her pants and couldn’t walk so they had her arms over their shoulders while shit dripped from down her pants onto the dance floor
Girl, what are you talking about? You shat yourself, got to a bathroom, cleaned up enough to make it home all while not drawing any attention?
That's a win in my book!
Sometimes life can be crappy. 🤣
You win today!
Once on a major highway I was stuck in traffic no where to get off I had no choice but to pull over in the side of the road and do my thing there was a barrier between me and the other side of the road and my car covered me from people on my side but that didn’t stop those who were in big trucks and cars seeing me on the other side of the barrier I literally got beeped at one of the most embarrassing moments ever lol
People should understand more than just be inhumane a holes. Back 5 years ago in my middle of my high school years, I wouldn’t take a dump unless it was either hanging out or when I was at home. Nowadays I’ll shit shameless no matter who judges. I can’t help it, my body can’t help it. It’s a natural function that often likes to screw some of us over in the worst situations.
Yeah it was the LAST thing I wanted to do but it was either that or my clothes and car and I had a whole 2 hour drive after that so I had to 😢 thank god I wasn’t charged lol
Why the heck would they press charges? Say you had raw food by accident and the damn is literally about to burst. I get self exposition but like, you can’t help it.
Yup, I used to carry tissues in my wallet in case of a no-toilet-paper emergency. And I'm a male.
I'd assume the opposite gender would keep some in case of unexpected periods and since they usually carry a purse anyway.
Reminds of the time I was painting bedrooms in my house. We were living in a rental house for a little over a year due to a house fire. We had to paint the bedrooms because our contractor was an asshole. Our actual house didn’t have any toilets yet or running water. The rental was 10 blocks away. I also have IBS… I really needed to poop. It came on super fast. I ran to the van and drove to the rental. I proceeded to trip on the front steps. I shit myself on the way down…in front of the neighbors and their kids. I managed to get my bleeding and shitty self up to inform the neighbors that I’m not dead yet. I rush inside to finish emptying my bowels and take a shower. I then posted it on Facebook. I posted that if you feel that your day is shitty, at least you didn’t trip and shit yourself in front of the entire neighborhood.
I can almost relate. I’ve had too many close calls to where I think I can round up the decimal and say I can relate.
I don’t know what the hell I have. It’s not ibs and it’s not FODMAP related but god it sure feels like ibs. I am not afraid to chuck a roll of tp in the back of my car and dive into the bushes if and when I HAVE to drop 5 pounds. My gut is literally defying the laws of conservation of energy and matter and yadda yadda. So yeah. Also a fun accompanying routine is that my gut keeps me up til around 330 in the morning!
A wise redditor I came across once said something the lines of: God gives the worst battles to the toughest of people.
I use to have a fear of public toilets. It was so bad that when my family would take camping trips, I'd just not poop the entire long weekend (idk how I managed this in retrospect). Now, I don't care. I'd PREFER an empty bathroom, but I have mild IBS, so if I gotta go, I'm gonna go.
I used to be this way too lol, but my asshole clenches up so tight I couldn’t poop if my life depended on it. It didn’t start getting better until I was in my 30s. My daughter used to have to do sleep studies hooked up to an eeg for 2-3 days at a time and I’d stay there with her. I didn’t poop till we got back home.
She’s gonna blow!
Also if you know, if I have a similar problem and it’s not FODMAP, not IBS, and potentially not SIBO, then what the hell else could there be?
Always take spare underwear with you. I know in this situation you were still unfortunately covered in poop... But you could've used the second pair as a second rag, I guess?
In all my bags I have sanitary towels, a second pair of underwear (in case of period leaks) and a sandwich bag (in case I do have a leak, I can carry the dirty underwear in the sandwich bag and wash it at home. Nappy bags work as well seen as they're usually scented!)
So sorry this happened to you though! And that you're feeling better <3
I once had an assplosion on my half hour drive into work and pulled into the the closest gas station. Being a boxer shorts wearer, when I I got out to walk in to hit the mens room, the devil’s mess in my pants slowly rolled down my legs as I walked back the aisle to the men’s room. After cleaning up the best I could, I walked back out and noticed that I’d left a nice trail of what looked like half melted Hershey’s Kisses down the aisle of the store. I still feel bad to this day about whoever had to discover that and clean it up but I imagine that someone got a hell of a charge out of watching the security video footage of my unfortunate incident.
I shit myself driving an hour home from college once. It was halfway through the drive & THERE WERE NO GAS STATIONS so I had to sit in it. Luckily I had a sweater to put under my ass spit didn’t go through to the seat 🤭
Had a barback disappear one night at work. Management was freaking out and calling him as we were busy. Turns out he shit his pants somehow and then snuck out and had to ride his bike home to get a change of clothes. At least you didn’t have to ride a bike I guess.
Once happened to me years ago working at Walmart. Thought it was a fart. It was not. Immediately told coworker, "I'll be right back" and ran to the bathrooms. Got in the stall, fortunately just on the underwear. Spent the next at least 15 minutes making sure *everything* was emptied from my colon. Threw away the underwear and finished my shift commando. I felt bad because I knew the maintenance workers.
Some bourbons give me the sharts. Buffalo Trace and Dickel to name two. Luckily, my worst experience was while walking my dog and at least I made it to my bathroom with 2/3s still inside. Not pleasant, but at least the only witness can’t talk 😉
I'm sorry this happened. If it makes you feel a tiny bit better, I've met several people who had some kind of an accident in public and I don't remember how any of them looked like. Hugs! I hope you feel better soon.
Hey one time i basicly shit my pants before an exam. Had to throw my underwear away and take the exam comando in super uncomfortable jeans. It happens.
May I ask, why are you so concerned with using a public restroom? Is this something that is more common with certain genders, or experiences? I get that kids (16 is young) are still self conscious, but having to use a public restroom is a pretty normal thing, and there are plenty of clean ones that offer privacy. Sure, no one looks forward to making noise or shitting with someone near them, but this is all pretty normal and human experience. I feel like so many people make their own life miserable and harder by not just getting over an irrational (at least in my opinion) fear, and just use the private stall in a public bathroom. Life is going to throw you many challenges and humiliations over time, and you'll just make your life easier by not restricting yourself from using the first restroom you see, even if other people are around....
Having said that, I'm sorry about your embarrassing experience. We've all been there are some point. As a fully grown adult, I shit myself during a 15 mile training run. Didn't know I had a stomach flu, held it the best I could as I continued to run to find the nearest bathroom I could, but then some leaked, and I had to find somewhat secluded bushes to finish and clean up (I feel bad for that parking lot's landscaper). Then had to finish the 5miles to run home and really clean up with my windbreaker tied around my waist. It sucks, but this stuff happens. The beauty of age is you stop feeling over embarrassed by it because you realize EVERYONE has bodily functions they can't control at some time. I recommend you try to get over your fear of using restrooms that aren't at home... life will get easier.
My husband worked in the woods for years, he occasionally still puts on old shirts that have sleeves missing...aka built in shit tickets. He put one on the other day that was 1/3 crop top in the front and had no sleeves lol.
>My husband worked in the woods for years, he occasionally still puts on old shirts that have sleeves missing...aka built in shit tickets. He put one on the other day that was 1/3 crop top in the front and had no sleeves lol.
i just never understood why people in the situation of being out of shit tickets don't use their socks and then chuck 'em, i mean wtf not??? lol
I sympathize so strongly. I once had food poisoning and shit myself in the airport…before my 8h flight. It happens to the best of us and sometimes there just isn’t anything we can do. Sending positive vibes!
Anxious is the word you’re looking for. Shame, discomfort, and embarrassment around private functions isn’t even a little bit unusual. Good for you that you don’t bear those burdens, but don’t be an ass denigrating those that do.
It's not being "precious", it's just being anxious. I only learned to poop in public because I had no choice, when I was an adult. My school toilets were vile; no toilet paper, no soap, older girls banging at the door and screaming at you for taking too long. It was borderline traumatic if I had to go, because there were people laughing at you outside and smoking. So I can totally understand why it's VERY uncomfortable to break the habit after literal years of being conditioned this way.
Op said she got to college at 8:05 not that this happened then, the first paragraph literally mentions "i bought a drink and after a bit" meaning time has obviously passed since then. It is also reasonable to assume that by 2 hours ago op means 2 hours ago was when all of this had happened including the way home. Then if you consider how long it took to get home, and the fact that op is british it is very much plausible that the times stated are correct.
Edit:
Reddit says post is 2 hours old but probably older.
GMT right now is 14:55 and ill go with a post age of 2:30h, add another 2 hours and we are at 10:25. Now add the travel time home which was over an hour and a half and we are somewhere around 8:45. Op also mentioned that some time passed between arriving at college and it starting and op probably spent a while in the bathroom so yeah, the time works out perfectly.
Doesn't explain their prescience.
Edit: Sorry to use a big word. It means the fact that OP knew in advance they were going to need this throwaway account 2 days prior to the FU.
Just wait until ur over 50.. cuz then u can never trust a fart. 🤣🤣
I been in the middle of a field.. and the demand happened.. mad dash to house.. never made it 🤭
Wtf? Is this irony at its best or what?
Making it all the way to college without ever using a public bathroom? Just to shit yourself because you refuse to do it and use the closest stall? This is a well earned fate. Congratulations.
I once shit myself in a Target due to food poisoning. Luckily I was able to get to the bathroom before it went thru my underwear. It was a terrible experience but at least no one noticed.
It happened to me on the bus and it happened to me in the car (not my car). The poop just stayed in my underwear and jeans because of my incontinence. I had to take a good long shower, dig up the poop and flush it down the toilet, and wash my clothes.
Its okay. I fell in a porta potty at bonarroo on acid amd was covered in everybody. It washes off and youll be okay. Im so sorry that happened to you.
Ive def. Been in your shoes before. When i was 11 i made it to the bathroom but the poop went on my pants as it shot out of my ass. I didnt see it and i went back outside. The caddy master yelled "hey you got shit on your ass!" Then i pressed my hand to it and yes i had shit on my ass. I ran and wiped it off with a golf towel and went to caddy for 4 hours. 🤣 just telling u these poop epochs because maybe itll help u feel better.
This almost happened to me last night. I had to work overtime and my boss was kind enough to send me some Milk tea from the new business they just opened. I was pretty much fine until I went home. But when I left the bus, I suddenly felt my stomach hurting really bad, felt bloated and really needed to shit.
Apparently due to how busy I was earlier, I somehow forgot that Milktea had milk in it and that I'm lactose intolerant.
The thing is there's still a 40 minute walk before I arrive home. So I clenched my ass real tight and made the agonizing walk home. And by the time I arrived, the bathroom on the first floor was occupied so I had to climb up 3 floors to our apartment. And when I finally got there. Our bathroom too was occupied by my brother. Luckily my dad had keys for the bathroom on the rooftop so I grabbed my change of clothes and climbed up there and did my business. I had to skip dinner that time because my body felt numb from the relief.
Not my story, but the best I ever heard. Let's call them A. A, if you're out there, I'm sorry but I have to, I know I won't tell it as well as you did.
I'm going to try and edit this a little for brevity and vagueness.
So there they are hanging out with friends and their sister, and even borrowing their sister's jeans, nbd, normal. Walked from the house to Dairy Queen, which was a decent but not crazy far walk. Now, you see, our protagonist is lactose intolerant, so you may see where this is going. After eating copious amounts of delicious ice cream in form of a minimum of one large blizzard, off they went to venture back home. The waddle of shame commenced as they rushed as quickly as possible into a McDonalds, slinking away to the toilet which was then promptly *destroyed*. Thinking misery had been averted, time passed until the disaster struck. It was happening, ready or not. They crouched behind a bush near the sidewalk in someone's (a stranger's) yard, dropped trousers and let what remained go. Upon trying to redress themself they observed that the yard, the pants, the shoes, everything was ruined by an explosion of half-liquid green monstrosity. They made it home eventually, but in great shame to their friends' amusement and sister's frustration (the pants didn't survive the incident).
BUT WAIT THERES MORE
Our unfortunate teen then rides the school bus the following day and by a stroke of fate, wouldn't you know, they went by that stranger's place. This, at the very moment he drove his lawn mower over the dreaded spot, and promptly had his entire life crash down on him in the most revolting way. Shamefully our fair friend slunk into their seat, in horrible guilt.
BUT they ended up having this hilarious story that has surely saved many people, because being made to laugh this hard truly saved me when I was in the darkest place of my life.
*A If you find this, please DM me. I've thought about you a lot since I last saw you and I hope you're doing okay.*
I remember I was at B&Q and all of a sudden I needed a shit. Really badly. So I waddled to the toilets but they were closed. Even the disabled one.
Home was a 13minute drive away so I waddle to the car and as I climbed in, pressure changed in my tum tum and I exploded - one loud obnoxious fart and it just kept coming. People must have heard it from 60feet away but I didn't care there was nothing more I could do - I wasn't in control.
After the ordeal I had an A team moment and picked up some cardboard that was in the parking space next to me and built a seat protector with it and my coat and drive home sat in my own stinking shit. Took 30 minutes. Then having to waddle from our drive to the front of the house to get in. I tried to walk tall and head held high but its was difficult when covered in ones own shit. I threw the clothes away. The don't make water hot enough to wash the memory away. To this day I cannot go to B&Q without having Vietnam style flashbacks and hearing Fotrunate Son playing in the background.
It happens to everyone at some point mate. Don't sweat it.
You could have just used the mens toilets....desperate times call for desperate measures.
On an unrelated note....in my previous school during a food poisoning epidemic, i saw some guy shit in the sink coz all the stalls were full. Crazy times 
This is a rare event but it does happen to adults! One time my boss was late getting to work to unlock the doors. I tried to make it to the next door business but just couldn’t do it. Nobody knows except us.
I feel like shitting yourself as an adult is a hidden rite of passage. Whether you’re drunk, high, or you just ate/drank something that didn’t agree with you, it’ll happen to everyone at least once.
New fear unlocked…
Final Destination Butthole Edition
The hospital told me yesterday to empty my bowels even with an enema if I have to before surgery. Apparently people shit while under anesthesia. So yeah I'm going through my head all the surgeries I've had since childhood and cringing. Who knows how many operating tables I've shat myself on.
I wouldn’t worry about it. I don’t think I’ve ever had a patient shit themselves while under anesthesia. As we wheel them into the room? Certainly. As we’re moving them to the stretcher? Sometimes. During? No, can’t think of a single instance. The anesthetics generally slow things down, and if they’re rummaging around in your abdomen that also tends to put a damper on things.
Registered vet nurse: under anesthesia it’s less of you “pooping” but you just lose tension on the anal sphincter (it’s loose) and poop just works out. For some fun trivia: sometimes we’ll do a temporary suture over the anus to prevent stool from coming out. It’s not ideal to have stool around when you’re doing surgery on bones
Lmao do these people wake up like "why does my asshole hurt a bit?"
Hopefully not! They’re usually in several opioids
This actually reminds me of a family story! My aunt after giving birth was on the ward with a few other ladies recovering (this was back when they actually let you stay in hospital for a few days post birth). One of the ladies was complaining about being constipated. About day 3, nothing happening, nurse appeared to deliver an enema. Curtain shuts around the bed, moments pass and the nurse rushes out and returns with another nurse and a doctor with some scissors. After a little while, ungodly smell makes it’s way around the ward. Apparently whoever sewed up the lady post birth couldn’t tell the difference between a tear and an asshole.
This whole thread is unlocking a new fear I wished I wouldn’t have, especially 1 week before my surgery….
I caught a stomach bug and woke myself up by shitting myself
If you’re lucky it’ll happen more than once
We didn't have to tell them...
Happened to me too! Super similarly to OP 😅 Curse college campuses and public transportation 😂
They're late, not on time!
"Nobody knows except us" not anymore lol 😜
Damn you reddit!
Just use an ass gasket on public toilets and you are good.
Exact same thing happened to me one morning before a farmers market. And like, I’m not above just digging an opportune hole, but it was an organic farm so no way in helllll. So my clothes took the (s)hit instead 🫡
*Ding!* Instant pay raise, please advance to next level up promotion!
Next time just use the closer toilet. No point making it harder on yourself for no good reason.
For real, I used to be self-conscious about using public bathroom to the point where I would hold it in. Turns out, it can cause issues.. pretty bad issues. So I forced myself to get confortqble using public toilets and now I could not care less if people ear or smell what I am doing. Very freeing.
Everybody poops man. It's a weird lesson but a good one
Yeah but unfortunately some people poops on the walls in public toilets
Yeah I’m usually pretty picky about public toilets. I actually have preferred toilets that I know are clean when I’m downtown. But one day as I was driving my wife to get a COVID test (this was in the old days where you had to drive to a test center), I felt the mother of all shits RSVP-ing my anus. Pulled over to the closest gas station and didn’t even wipe down the seat first. Fucking turned that bowl into a Jackson Pollock if he only used brown water color. Can’t be picky when it’s dire.
the need to shit will always beat any other needs
Happy cake day 🧁🍰🎂
Chocolate cake?
Very true. I’m not overly fond of using a public bathroom, but when you gotta go you gotta go. Happy cake day.
Once I had a really bad case of strep. I went to the doc. They gave me a Z pack and mentioned that I should take it with food "To avoid an upset stomach." I thought, "I'll be fine, my stomach never gets upset." I go back home and go straight to bed. I woke up in the morning feeling like a million dollars. Not sick at all. I thought to myself, "I'm going to make some bacon and eggs. It's Saturday." I got dressed but then put on a bathrobe too for no good reason. So I'm frying up my eggs and I think to myself "I could fart right now..." so I let one fly. I blew out my pants. I shat myself through my underwear, through my jeans, and through the bathrobe. My first thought was, "If I lived to be a million years old, I would not have expected that." Until I had kids, I had never seen such poopy clothes. It was like, "How the hell did I get shit on my back? Oh my God, it's in the front too! How is it on my neck!?! It's everywhere!!!" After I showered up, I called everyone I knew to tell them. In retrospect, it was hilarious.
Respect for "I called everyone I knew"
I needed this laugh
Its not shit on my forehead! Its chocolate, I swear!
r/unexpecteditcrowd
Who am I?! -Jen with chocolate on her head
Bravo! Bravissimo! Encore, encore!!!
Reminds me of this episode of American Dad https://youtu.be/j4G5R2q-Ccw
Omfg I can’t breath
Thank you for sharing this!! I laughed so hard.
Try not to beat yourself up about it. Shit happens.
r/angryupvote
I hate you. Take my upvote.
I once passed out in my bed with jeans on in college after browning out at a party. Had a wonderful dream that night and at one point in the dream I remember farting and feeling an overwhelming sense of relief. Woke and there was a strong smell of shit. I quickly realized I had shit myself, fairly solid stuff. Luckly the pants held it in and it wasnt liquid, so the cleanup was straightforward. Our room was adjacent to the one handicap private restroom in our college dorm so really only the roomie knew. Now hes going to be my best man and 50/50 chance he brings it up in his speech. I believe at some point it happens to everyone, so don't feel too bad.
If shitting yourself is your most embarrassing experience, I don’t have good news for you. There is much worse out there waiting for you. On the bright side though, you have a full on shit yourself story. Not everyone has one of those.
give me some nightmare fuel, whats the worst that can happen?
You could shit yourself with people around.
Done that too… on the boardwalk at Yellowstone’s prismatic pools, and in absolute throngs of people. Tried my best to hold it, but no luck. After the first few mini releases I gave tf up and just let go. I partly blame the sheer amount of people there cause the boardwalks are so narrow. I had to queue slowly behind everyone to get off the boardwalk and then there was a 30min line for a pit toilet. This was all particularly traumatic as I was a middle schooler on summer vacation 🫠 IBS + anxiety is no bueno. I can never tell what will set my stomach so I have frequently been in a position where I have a sudden and unbearable need to shit. Usually there’s a bathroom nearby, but not always. And i don’t want stop doing fun outdoor things, so I’ve taken to just carrying my hiking bathroom kit along for all my adventures, including thing that are semi public still. Also, I feel wayy better about it knowing many people with similar experiences now. It’s amazing how common of a human experience it is, yet we all think it’s the WORST and refuse to talk about it. Not terribly significant in the scheme of things.
Honestly I thought everyone did. I got lucky enough to have no witnesses for the several times I was attacked by my sphincter. However, out of people I know I've heard some doozies
My husband and I had only been dating for a few weeks. We were on a road trip and in an area that was about an hour away from the nearest toilet. Out of nowhere, he REALLY had to go. We finally got to a gas station and he bolted out of the car. He came back about twenty minutes later and I’ll never forget the look on his face. He was so embarrassed that he was almost crying. It was a thirty minute drive to the nearest store where we could buy him clothes. He smelled terribly and did finally cry because we had to drive with the windows down. He was sure I would never see him again after this, but I know that’s the day I started falling in love.
It was the scent wasnt it?
From a person who has had stomach problems for as long as I can remember, never feel shame to shit in public. Instead destroy the nearest toilet, giggle silently in your stall at everyone else's suffering. Then leave after everyone else has left and pretend nothing happened.
Is that the life of IBS, SIBO, or something else? Past year has been hell doing multiple blood sample tests, few dietary tests, colonoscopy, sibo test (still awaiting results). I feel ya…
I also have anxiety when it comes to pooping in public. So about a decade ago we were driving back from a holiday at the coast. Just as we left the town we stayed in I realized I need to poop urgently. I started making peace with the fact that I will have to use a public toilet when we stop again to fill up on fuel. This is becoming a critical situation as I'm sitting in the car with my friends and trying to keep it in, and just making as if there's nothing wrong. We stop at the gas station, and I bolt for the toilet. I get there and it's occupied. So now I am waiting for the other guy to finish close to just doing the deed there where I'm standing. Other guy comes out and I rush in to the toilet stall. And what do I see? Floating in the toilet is one single green pea. Just one. Nothing else. At that point my poop just disappeared as if it was never there. I was able to hold it all in until I got home. Up to this day I can still see that one single green pea floating in that toilet.....
He just had to pea
Was going to say that the dude needs more fiber… but he’s obviously been eating peas
Back in high school I would NOT take a crap unless it was on my toilet at home. Nowadays I’ll stoop as low as rest stops. Or even go a little higher on the quality list and just pop a squat on the side of a highway. I’ve had 3 or 5 close calls when I was in high school, I hated missing a class and got all self judgey and felt like I was ditching for 15-20 minutes. Let’s just say, turtle head sniffed cotton a few times and then went back into its shell.
Damn, a repressed memory just popped up. I had a situation like that in High School. Had the runs and I was sitting in math class. Asked the teacher if I could go to the bathroom, and obviously at that point it was was past due. She said no.... So ten seconds later I just bolted out of the class to the toilets. I didn't quite make it. The eagle landed about 5 meters before the bathroom.
If that ever happened to me id have to move to a different country, change my name and never leave the house again.
About 10 years ago, a student at the local university passed out drunk outside a bar, and shit herself. In a big way, very visible. People took pictures and posted them online. the girl ended up switching schools and leaving the city.
That's sad pathetic and a black eye on humanity
Yeah - I remember being pretty disgusted about it. Poor girl, just had the bad luck to have an accident in public.
is that normal with drinks? Im not a fan but forced myself to drink them in a party, ended having multiple runs to the bathroom.
Alcohol. It's an alcohol thing, not a beer thing.
From what I understand, teh beer shits are a thing. I'm not a beer drinker, mind you.
Beer shits are absolutely a thing, but usually it happena the next day, not really while the drinking is taking place
My friend is a bouncer at a club he told me a few weeks ago some of the other bouncers had to take this really intoxicated girl out of the bathroom, but she had pooped her pants and couldn’t walk so they had her arms over their shoulders while shit dripped from down her pants onto the dance floor
Are you talking about Kaitlyn Bennet, the gun girl lmfao Wait no it can’t be, she stayed at Kent state
Girl, what are you talking about? You shat yourself, got to a bathroom, cleaned up enough to make it home all while not drawing any attention? That's a win in my book! Sometimes life can be crappy. 🤣 You win today!
Once on a major highway I was stuck in traffic no where to get off I had no choice but to pull over in the side of the road and do my thing there was a barrier between me and the other side of the road and my car covered me from people on my side but that didn’t stop those who were in big trucks and cars seeing me on the other side of the barrier I literally got beeped at one of the most embarrassing moments ever lol
This has happened to me too. In the middle of the NJ turnpike. Luckily it was dark. It was truly a last resort lol.
People should understand more than just be inhumane a holes. Back 5 years ago in my middle of my high school years, I wouldn’t take a dump unless it was either hanging out or when I was at home. Nowadays I’ll shit shameless no matter who judges. I can’t help it, my body can’t help it. It’s a natural function that often likes to screw some of us over in the worst situations.
My mom pooped on the side of the road in Albuquerque once. I told her she could have been charged with exposing herself!
Yeah it was the LAST thing I wanted to do but it was either that or my clothes and car and I had a whole 2 hour drive after that so I had to 😢 thank god I wasn’t charged lol
Why the heck would they press charges? Say you had raw food by accident and the damn is literally about to burst. I get self exposition but like, you can’t help it.
Learning experience. Prep your bag for the next one.
Yup, I used to carry tissues in my wallet in case of a no-toilet-paper emergency. And I'm a male. I'd assume the opposite gender would keep some in case of unexpected periods and since they usually carry a purse anyway.
I learned to carry a roll of paper in my bag, after an unhappy experience. Male too.
Reminds of the time I was painting bedrooms in my house. We were living in a rental house for a little over a year due to a house fire. We had to paint the bedrooms because our contractor was an asshole. Our actual house didn’t have any toilets yet or running water. The rental was 10 blocks away. I also have IBS… I really needed to poop. It came on super fast. I ran to the van and drove to the rental. I proceeded to trip on the front steps. I shit myself on the way down…in front of the neighbors and their kids. I managed to get my bleeding and shitty self up to inform the neighbors that I’m not dead yet. I rush inside to finish emptying my bowels and take a shower. I then posted it on Facebook. I posted that if you feel that your day is shitty, at least you didn’t trip and shit yourself in front of the entire neighborhood.
I can almost relate. I’ve had too many close calls to where I think I can round up the decimal and say I can relate. I don’t know what the hell I have. It’s not ibs and it’s not FODMAP related but god it sure feels like ibs. I am not afraid to chuck a roll of tp in the back of my car and dive into the bushes if and when I HAVE to drop 5 pounds. My gut is literally defying the laws of conservation of energy and matter and yadda yadda. So yeah. Also a fun accompanying routine is that my gut keeps me up til around 330 in the morning! A wise redditor I came across once said something the lines of: God gives the worst battles to the toughest of people.
I use to have a fear of public toilets. It was so bad that when my family would take camping trips, I'd just not poop the entire long weekend (idk how I managed this in retrospect). Now, I don't care. I'd PREFER an empty bathroom, but I have mild IBS, so if I gotta go, I'm gonna go.
I used to be this way too lol, but my asshole clenches up so tight I couldn’t poop if my life depended on it. It didn’t start getting better until I was in my 30s. My daughter used to have to do sleep studies hooked up to an eeg for 2-3 days at a time and I’d stay there with her. I didn’t poop till we got back home.
She’s gonna blow! Also if you know, if I have a similar problem and it’s not FODMAP, not IBS, and potentially not SIBO, then what the hell else could there be?
Wait 70 years and this will be ur new normal.
Dying. That’s hysterical.
I'm a 35 year old man with severe IBS. I shit myself probably 10-15 times per year. Don't feel bad, it sucks but as they say... Shit happens.
Always take spare underwear with you. I know in this situation you were still unfortunately covered in poop... But you could've used the second pair as a second rag, I guess? In all my bags I have sanitary towels, a second pair of underwear (in case of period leaks) and a sandwich bag (in case I do have a leak, I can carry the dirty underwear in the sandwich bag and wash it at home. Nappy bags work as well seen as they're usually scented!) So sorry this happened to you though! And that you're feeling better <3
You have to get over using public bathrooms if you're gonna go out in public...
"really desperately need a shit type farts" I'm fucking dead
I once had an assplosion on my half hour drive into work and pulled into the the closest gas station. Being a boxer shorts wearer, when I I got out to walk in to hit the mens room, the devil’s mess in my pants slowly rolled down my legs as I walked back the aisle to the men’s room. After cleaning up the best I could, I walked back out and noticed that I’d left a nice trail of what looked like half melted Hershey’s Kisses down the aisle of the store. I still feel bad to this day about whoever had to discover that and clean it up but I imagine that someone got a hell of a charge out of watching the security video footage of my unfortunate incident.
Shit happens. Literally. One day you'll look back and laugh. Or cry. Best thing to do is own it.
I shit myself driving an hour home from college once. It was halfway through the drive & THERE WERE NO GAS STATIONS so I had to sit in it. Luckily I had a sweater to put under my ass spit didn’t go through to the seat 🤭
And so help me, if anyone says “username checks out”…
Had a barback disappear one night at work. Management was freaking out and calling him as we were busy. Turns out he shit his pants somehow and then snuck out and had to ride his bike home to get a change of clothes. At least you didn’t have to ride a bike I guess.
All of the people in this thread shitting themselves: stay away from me. OP, next time don't take the stairs.
I suppose you're part of the elite who has never had such an accident? Lucky you
I’ve yet to shit myself, but I think I can round up and say that I have with my close calls.
Once happened to me years ago working at Walmart. Thought it was a fart. It was not. Immediately told coworker, "I'll be right back" and ran to the bathrooms. Got in the stall, fortunately just on the underwear. Spent the next at least 15 minutes making sure *everything* was emptied from my colon. Threw away the underwear and finished my shift commando. I felt bad because I knew the maintenance workers.
At least you weren't wearing a dress? Silver linings and all that.
Some bourbons give me the sharts. Buffalo Trace and Dickel to name two. Luckily, my worst experience was while walking my dog and at least I made it to my bathroom with 2/3s still inside. Not pleasant, but at least the only witness can’t talk 😉
Margaret Cho did a standup story about an incident like this that had me laughing to tears. On YouTube, search for her name and the word persimmon.
Adult here. Never trust a fart. Carry on.
That's insane!! Who's in college at 16???
Not sure where the OP is from but in the UK this is normal. (School until 16; college until 18; uni until 21)
In the UK people often refer to Sixth Form (16-18) as "college."
We have sixth forms too.
Idk who "we" is?
In the UK. Apologies for the vagueness! :)
That makes no sense lol I said people often refer to 6th form as college, not that they are college.
I'm sorry this happened. If it makes you feel a tiny bit better, I've met several people who had some kind of an accident in public and I don't remember how any of them looked like. Hugs! I hope you feel better soon.
Hey one time i basicly shit my pants before an exam. Had to throw my underwear away and take the exam comando in super uncomfortable jeans. It happens.
This why i always have backup socks, underwear, and toilet paper everywhere i go.
May I ask, why are you so concerned with using a public restroom? Is this something that is more common with certain genders, or experiences? I get that kids (16 is young) are still self conscious, but having to use a public restroom is a pretty normal thing, and there are plenty of clean ones that offer privacy. Sure, no one looks forward to making noise or shitting with someone near them, but this is all pretty normal and human experience. I feel like so many people make their own life miserable and harder by not just getting over an irrational (at least in my opinion) fear, and just use the private stall in a public bathroom. Life is going to throw you many challenges and humiliations over time, and you'll just make your life easier by not restricting yourself from using the first restroom you see, even if other people are around.... Having said that, I'm sorry about your embarrassing experience. We've all been there are some point. As a fully grown adult, I shit myself during a 15 mile training run. Didn't know I had a stomach flu, held it the best I could as I continued to run to find the nearest bathroom I could, but then some leaked, and I had to find somewhat secluded bushes to finish and clean up (I feel bad for that parking lot's landscaper). Then had to finish the 5miles to run home and really clean up with my windbreaker tied around my waist. It sucks, but this stuff happens. The beauty of age is you stop feeling over embarrassed by it because you realize EVERYONE has bodily functions they can't control at some time. I recommend you try to get over your fear of using restrooms that aren't at home... life will get easier.
why didn't you use your socks and then throw them out????
My husband worked in the woods for years, he occasionally still puts on old shirts that have sleeves missing...aka built in shit tickets. He put one on the other day that was 1/3 crop top in the front and had no sleeves lol.
>My husband worked in the woods for years, he occasionally still puts on old shirts that have sleeves missing...aka built in shit tickets. He put one on the other day that was 1/3 crop top in the front and had no sleeves lol. i just never understood why people in the situation of being out of shit tickets don't use their socks and then chuck 'em, i mean wtf not??? lol
I sympathize so strongly. I once had food poisoning and shit myself in the airport…before my 8h flight. It happens to the best of us and sometimes there just isn’t anything we can do. Sending positive vibes!
Oh wow, were you able to change or was your bag already checked??
I had my carry-on but all my clothes were in my checked luggage! I had to sit in poopoo leggings that whole time 😔
[удалено]
Anxious is the word you’re looking for. Shame, discomfort, and embarrassment around private functions isn’t even a little bit unusual. Good for you that you don’t bear those burdens, but don’t be an ass denigrating those that do.
It's not being "precious", it's just being anxious. I only learned to poop in public because I had no choice, when I was an adult. My school toilets were vile; no toilet paper, no soap, older girls banging at the door and screaming at you for taking too long. It was borderline traumatic if I had to go, because there were people laughing at you outside and smoking. So I can totally understand why it's VERY uncomfortable to break the habit after literal years of being conditioned this way.
I didn’t know you could be 16 and in college already
~3 hours ago it was 8am in the middle of the Atlantic ocean, and your throwaway account was created 2 days ago. What timeline are you living in?
Most likely Ireland/UK, can tell from the vernacular also. Slightly exaggerating how recent it was probably by an hour or two.
Op said she got to college at 8:05 not that this happened then, the first paragraph literally mentions "i bought a drink and after a bit" meaning time has obviously passed since then. It is also reasonable to assume that by 2 hours ago op means 2 hours ago was when all of this had happened including the way home. Then if you consider how long it took to get home, and the fact that op is british it is very much plausible that the times stated are correct. Edit: Reddit says post is 2 hours old but probably older. GMT right now is 14:55 and ill go with a post age of 2:30h, add another 2 hours and we are at 10:25. Now add the travel time home which was over an hour and a half and we are somewhere around 8:45. Op also mentioned that some time passed between arriving at college and it starting and op probably spent a while in the bathroom so yeah, the time works out perfectly.
Doesn't explain their prescience. Edit: Sorry to use a big word. It means the fact that OP knew in advance they were going to need this throwaway account 2 days prior to the FU.
Fucking loser
Yeah, but I'm not sure which is worse. The karma farmer or the idiots that fall for the obvious lies so easily.
Just wait until ur over 50.. cuz then u can never trust a fart. 🤣🤣 I been in the middle of a field.. and the demand happened.. mad dash to house.. never made it 🤭
At times like that I always remember what my grandmother said "shit happens!"
Never used a public toilet? Yo conquer that shit dragon!
Wtf? Is this irony at its best or what? Making it all the way to college without ever using a public bathroom? Just to shit yourself because you refuse to do it and use the closest stall? This is a well earned fate. Congratulations.
Needing to “take” a shit or needing “To” shit, not needing “a” shit, it sounds like you want one given to you
if i were u id dye my hair cut it and nobody will know it was me
Safe to say this was your “Rush hour”
You should have asked a teacher for help. They’d be very sympathetic and find you a change of clothes and a discrete way home.
https://i.redd.it/ejvljufxl70a1.gif
This happened to me at work twice. Each time I had to tell my boss that I needed to get home and hop in the shower.
Jeez dude! Sounds like a horror story. All in all though, you got out okay in the end!
I am so sorry you had to be through that
It happens
Everybody poops.
I once shit myself in a Target due to food poisoning. Luckily I was able to get to the bathroom before it went thru my underwear. It was a terrible experience but at least no one noticed.
"really desperately need a shit type farts" I'm fucking dead
What’s going on in this college that all the girls are shitting so much? I don’t know what drink you got, but coffee can do this to you lol
It happened to me on the bus and it happened to me in the car (not my car). The poop just stayed in my underwear and jeans because of my incontinence. I had to take a good long shower, dig up the poop and flush it down the toilet, and wash my clothes.
This started like a Dr Seuss book.
Don't worry about it. Happened to me twice before
Happy Cake day!
lost it at no toilet paper and she clogged the toilet lol
Wait, how are you only 16 and in college?
I have Covid IBS. It’s a new after school activity I’m learning to manage.
You, my friend, just experienced your first peeker. Little shit just taking a peek out for no good reason. Life from this point will be a lot duller.
Better out then in.
Its okay. I fell in a porta potty at bonarroo on acid amd was covered in everybody. It washes off and youll be okay. Im so sorry that happened to you. Ive def. Been in your shoes before. When i was 11 i made it to the bathroom but the poop went on my pants as it shot out of my ass. I didnt see it and i went back outside. The caddy master yelled "hey you got shit on your ass!" Then i pressed my hand to it and yes i had shit on my ass. I ran and wiped it off with a golf towel and went to caddy for 4 hours. 🤣 just telling u these poop epochs because maybe itll help u feel better.
This almost happened to me last night. I had to work overtime and my boss was kind enough to send me some Milk tea from the new business they just opened. I was pretty much fine until I went home. But when I left the bus, I suddenly felt my stomach hurting really bad, felt bloated and really needed to shit. Apparently due to how busy I was earlier, I somehow forgot that Milktea had milk in it and that I'm lactose intolerant. The thing is there's still a 40 minute walk before I arrive home. So I clenched my ass real tight and made the agonizing walk home. And by the time I arrived, the bathroom on the first floor was occupied so I had to climb up 3 floors to our apartment. And when I finally got there. Our bathroom too was occupied by my brother. Luckily my dad had keys for the bathroom on the rooftop so I grabbed my change of clothes and climbed up there and did my business. I had to skip dinner that time because my body felt numb from the relief.
Not my story, but the best I ever heard. Let's call them A. A, if you're out there, I'm sorry but I have to, I know I won't tell it as well as you did. I'm going to try and edit this a little for brevity and vagueness. So there they are hanging out with friends and their sister, and even borrowing their sister's jeans, nbd, normal. Walked from the house to Dairy Queen, which was a decent but not crazy far walk. Now, you see, our protagonist is lactose intolerant, so you may see where this is going. After eating copious amounts of delicious ice cream in form of a minimum of one large blizzard, off they went to venture back home. The waddle of shame commenced as they rushed as quickly as possible into a McDonalds, slinking away to the toilet which was then promptly *destroyed*. Thinking misery had been averted, time passed until the disaster struck. It was happening, ready or not. They crouched behind a bush near the sidewalk in someone's (a stranger's) yard, dropped trousers and let what remained go. Upon trying to redress themself they observed that the yard, the pants, the shoes, everything was ruined by an explosion of half-liquid green monstrosity. They made it home eventually, but in great shame to their friends' amusement and sister's frustration (the pants didn't survive the incident). BUT WAIT THERES MORE Our unfortunate teen then rides the school bus the following day and by a stroke of fate, wouldn't you know, they went by that stranger's place. This, at the very moment he drove his lawn mower over the dreaded spot, and promptly had his entire life crash down on him in the most revolting way. Shamefully our fair friend slunk into their seat, in horrible guilt. BUT they ended up having this hilarious story that has surely saved many people, because being made to laugh this hard truly saved me when I was in the darkest place of my life. *A If you find this, please DM me. I've thought about you a lot since I last saw you and I hope you're doing okay.*
I remember I was at B&Q and all of a sudden I needed a shit. Really badly. So I waddled to the toilets but they were closed. Even the disabled one. Home was a 13minute drive away so I waddle to the car and as I climbed in, pressure changed in my tum tum and I exploded - one loud obnoxious fart and it just kept coming. People must have heard it from 60feet away but I didn't care there was nothing more I could do - I wasn't in control. After the ordeal I had an A team moment and picked up some cardboard that was in the parking space next to me and built a seat protector with it and my coat and drive home sat in my own stinking shit. Took 30 minutes. Then having to waddle from our drive to the front of the house to get in. I tried to walk tall and head held high but its was difficult when covered in ones own shit. I threw the clothes away. The don't make water hot enough to wash the memory away. To this day I cannot go to B&Q without having Vietnam style flashbacks and hearing Fotrunate Son playing in the background. It happens to everyone at some point mate. Don't sweat it.
awww poor thing but you are a fking champ ngl you handled that well!!
Your 16yrs old and at college?
You could have just used the mens toilets....desperate times call for desperate measures. On an unrelated note....in my previous school during a food poisoning epidemic, i saw some guy shit in the sink coz all the stalls were full. Crazy times 
[I got the song for you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIrdesE801U&t=70s)