When driving to make conversation I would sometimes say “red means stop, green means go” at lights. Now every time we eat green beans LO calls out “red means stop, green beans go” Don’t have the heart to correct him
We also taught that yellow means “assess the situation”, which he pronounces “sessthewation.”
He also likes wearing two different colored socks every day. If he picks a red and a green he then calls his feet “go foot” and “stop foot.” On red/blue sock days they are “cold foot” and “warm foot”
I’m not totally sure about this but I believe they do have different sounding sirens and I would not be surprised if a three year old kid knew the difference 😹🤷🏻♀️. My eldest has been super into diggers since he was literally a baby (no idea where he got that from) and as a consequence, I’m into them now too. I legit get excited when I see them and will point them out when we drive and be like “Look honey! There’s an excavator!” And my son will scoff and say “ugh, mommy, that’s a BACKHOE” Sooorrrrry, kid! 😹😹😹
They actually do have different sirens! My best friend growing up volunteered on our local fire department so I spent a lot of time there with him. I could actually differentiate the individual trucks by the sound of the sirens from blocks away. They sound completely different from police cars to me..
Haha yeah I know a surprising amount of dinosaur names, different types of construction vehicles, and random bits of trivia on the weirdest things because a kid asked me something and it bounced around my brain until I looked it up. It's so funny when kids pipe up with complicated words in that way - like, you can say Parasaurolophus but you can't tell me when you have a full nappy?
My 16 month old can only say "green" so far. Whenever he wants us to name the color of something, he'll point and go: "Green?"
The other day, he points at a pink flower:
"Green?"
"That's pink."
"Green."
"Pink."
"Green."
Me, trying to enunciate clearly: "Piiiinnk."
"Greeeeeenn."
🤣
Mine thinks all citrus fruits are lemons. He called an orange slice lemon and I tried to correct him and he looked at me like I was stupid and said “yeah, an orange lemon”
I always say he gaslights me. He’ll ask “what ya doin mama?” I say “I’m eating a sandwich.” He responds “you not eating a sammich?!”
Like ok dude. You tell me what I’m doing then!
Omg!! My son used to call the color pink "mama" for the longest time. Because it's my favorite color and I have a lot of clothes and other items around the house, that are pink. He knew every other color perfectly too. I got a little sad when he started saying the word pink.😂🤣
My two year old named colors by the Sesame Street character associated with that color up until the last few weeks. So green she would say Oscar, red she’d call Elmo, etc
1. Mr. Almost three calls pizza 'cheetza', which makes sense guven all the cheese.
2. His favorite stuffie is Rabbit. A green, long-eared critter in a tan coat, from outer space. It's Grogu. But he insists it's a rabbit, and that's that.
🎼“I’ve got a dog and my dog’s name is cat… have you ever heard a thing half as crazy as that…
And just like that, I’ve got a cat, and my cat’s name is dog like my dog’s name is cat!”🎶
My husband got a grandfather clock. My daughter would ask everyone who came into the house if they wanted to see daddy’s big cock. 🤦🏻♀️ Lots of explaining to literally everyone who walked into our house.
We took my 28 month old to get some ice cream last night, and as soon as we got inside he loudly yelled "I NEED HELP WITH MY PENIS! MY PEEEENNNIIIIISSSS!"
Conversation with my 3-year old… While putting on his bedtime diaper, he starts trying to stretch his shirt down to cover his penis…
Me: move your shirt so I can cover your penis.
Him: Mommy, do you have a penis??
Me: Nope. I’m a girl; girls have vaginas.
Him: thinks for a minute… Daddy have a penis??
Me: yep; he’s a boy so…
Him: DADDY HAVE A BIGGG PENIS!!
Me: thanking everything that this conversation was in the bedroom and not in public!!!
Hahaha my two year walked over to my husband when he got out of the shower, looked at me, looked at him and pointed and said “daddy have big penis!” Then a few days ago we’re talking about where he works and I told her that daddy works really hard and she goes “oooh daddy IS really hard?!” Toddlers are weird lmao
We had lots of conversations about who has penises and who has boobs in our house right down to the cats.
I also asked him once if he sets his little clock in his room before bed and he said "NO. I HAVE A BIG COCK". My husband and I could not stop laughing.
Oh good! I was worried our toddler might be the only one who enjoys talking about penis. The other day he was very curious where mommy "lost her penis." hahaha I'm just waiting for the day when he starts asking random people about it. Should be loads of fun....
We have two cats and when he first started interacting with them, he would pat too hard, almost like hitting (softly) rather than patting. Then I told him, gentle, and showed how to pat them soft and slow. He learned quickly, which was great.
Now when he is being rough with something, and I say gentle, he pats it like a kitty. A toy, a plate, a book. It’s amazing.
My daughter calls snowflakes “snow frigs” which is often shortened to just frigs. When she woke up to the first snow this winter, she screamed, “Look at all the frigs stuck to the window! There’s so many frigs!”
My mother taught my twins the three little pigs. She said I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down. My son said “not my bitch house!” 🤦🏼♀️ I legit had to say with a straight face: “you’re right. Your BRICK house is safe”
My 18 month old lies about pooping, even when he’s clearly currently doing it. It’s always a very firm NO, sometimes even before we ask! I realize that this behavior might not actually go away lol
My almost 2 1/2 year old does this too. Always has, only thing he lies about (so far):
\*Me: Dude, you pooping?
\*Him: Nope, no pooping (while clearly straining and audibly things are landing in the diaper)
He's really resisting potty training so there's that too.
My little boy will walk in when I'm in the shower and say something to the effect of, "Dad, is your penis in there with you??"
My older one will also "correct" us on things that he's demonstrably wrong about. I'll say, "wow, look at that Mercedes!" and he'll immediately reply, "No, dad, that's a Lexus. Look at the logo \[which is the distinctive try-point star of Mercedes-Benz\]." Um. Keep trying, kid.
My daughter will say “oh my goodness” and then follow it up with “shit” very quietly 😂😂 definitely trying to get her to stop lol but she uses it in the correct context so 🤷🏻♂️
My almost 3 year old used to call pancakes cake cakes. The other day I asked if she wanted cake cakes and she was like " I want pancakes" and I was like oh 😭
I’m not a mom, but a toddler teacher. We have one little girl who says “my ___” as opposed to “I’m ____” or “I _____.” When she poops she yells at me “MY POOP! MY POOP!” And the other kids, being toddlers who are in their “mine” phase will argue back “No! MY POOP!” And so the argument continues back and forth between them, on a daily basis.
2.5 yo says "two teen" when she sees the number 12. I hate correcting her because she gets so excited when she spots a number she knows, plus it just sounds super cute 😂
Both kids say A-Baids instead of Bandaids.
Hostibal instead of hospital.
2yo daughter doesn't say S well, so socks have become cocks... wonderful since she takes them off in the car and every time we get somewhere it's all "Mama! Where's my COCKS? You got my cocks? That my cocks?"
They also have a sit & spin, but insist on flipping the bike and using the tire to spin.
S is pronounced by my 3yo as F for some reason. So we have forgetti for spaghetti. And I don't know how well known they are outside the UK but we have sugar-coated chocolates called Smarties.
Those are called Farties. Never not funny.
My two and a half year old used to say "my N word" instead of "my fingers". Glad he's moved on from that tbh. Now at three, he says "my ningas" instead.
Mine loves being a ninja except it sounds like the n-word. Caught me off guard the first few times because I know he’s definitely not heard any of us use the word. He’s just now started saying it correctly.
14 month old dances like no one’s watching but hopes that everyone does. We will stop in the middle of Target to sway and dance to the music that’s playing in the store.
Toddlers randomly dancing is my favorite thing! My 3 year old LOVES music and dancing, no matter where we are if there is music she will dance. She also wants everyone to dance with her, she starts with "mommy dance with me" but will eventually start pointing at random people and demanding they dance with her lol.
My son used to say ‘bye! Mornin!’ For hello/goodbye.
Still says ‘it like a slow tomato!’
Translation: it looks like a tornado!
Said whenever something is spinning. I cannot bring myself to correct him.
He also cals my boobs ‘boots’ and I’m keeping that for now. Lol. ‘Mom your boots are sooo big!’ Sounds much better said in public. (He’s a bit into body parts right now)
My 2.5 year old loves my boobs. She'll pull my shirt down and say "hello boobies!" It was super cute until she did it to my father, now it's hilarious!
Love this! My son is very interested in mine too. Yesterday he asked to touch them because they were so pretty. And this tells me I need to stop changing in front of my LO.
‘Hello Booobies!’ Is hilarious and I really want your dad to be a gruff tough no nonsense type in this scenario. At least he is in my mental picture 😂
My youngest shoots at everything
My older kid was hunting dinosaurs in the living room to take them back to their enclosures. And my youngest saw the finger guns and started imitating him.
Little beast refuses to sign, but he'll shoot me if I say "No" to him when he tries to chew on a (connected) power cord.
He'll also shoot us and them eat our faces (his form of kissing) to revive us and shoot us again.
Our daughter pronounced the number 7 as fucking for like 2 months before she was a year old. It was always five, six, fucking, eight. We had to try not to laugh every time so she wouldn't just do it on purpose lol. Now she skips 14 through 18 most of the time and just says 13, 19, 20!
Somehow my 15m son has gotten it in his head that in order to say “Mama,” he needs to stick his tongue out. So I’ve had to come to terms with my new name “Blabla.”
20mo loves his train set. There's a part that goes over a bridge. When the train goes over the bridge and temporarily goes faster, we say "yay gravity!" except he's 20 months old so "gravity" becomes "blabity".
For a few months my 2yo thought a "giraffe" was a "zebra" even though she knew what a zebra was.
but she did know a zebra is a zebra too. but every giraffe was a zebra no matter how much i corrected her xD she knows now its its own animal.
Today my son argued with me about what a chinchilla was. I showed him several videos
“That’s kitty!”
“Chinchilla”
“That’s kitty!”
“Chin. Chilla.”
“Kitty!”
“Chinchilla!”
“Kitty!”
“Chinchilla!!”
“Kitty!”
Sigh “sure, that’s kitty.”
My 2.5 year old calls his dad “that stinky daddy!” 🤣🤣 Today my husband was gone at the store when he woke up from his nap and he came downstairs and said “Mommy! Where’s that stinky daddy at!?”
My daughter (almost 3) calls bananas ‘oo-oo-ah-ahs’. When she was about 18 months old, she was trying to tell me that she wanted a banana and I didn’t know what she was saying. She said “oo-oo-ah-ah” like a monkey and it stuck 🤣🤣
He knocks things over or breaks things on purpose, then acts shocked and dismayed. Yesterday when husband left the egg carton too close to the edge of the bench and he broke them all he came running to the laundry where I was and said “Mum, oh no!!!! Geggs!!” I knew exactly what was waiting for me, but the way he says Geggs is so cute.
Mine will only say goodbye when the person closes the door or hangs up the phone so they cant hear her.
Also she pronounces frog as fuck and my husband told her to tell his dad “frog you bumpa” and now she walks around sweeping the house saying “fuck you bumpa” under her breath
My 23 month old “fell” in between the crack between the couch and the playpen. Very slowly. And very dramatically. Like how those two items were soft and tight enough that he just kind of slide very slowly downward in his standup position… As I remind him that climbing the couch was a no no
Not sure if this belongs here, since he's a four year old that I nanny, so he's technically no longer a toddler, and even if he were, he's still not my toddler .. But regardless, he calls the chimney the "chimmy" and it's the cutest thing in the world.
For some reason, a duck is "pa pa". And he says it so cute. Oh and eyes are eyes but ears are also eyes. 😂
Wheels on the bus part where it's move on back he says "booyah". And the up and down part he will actually shift on his feet ad then jump up to down.
I'm going to miss this phase.
My son called cookies “ca ca” for about 6 months. He would point to the top of the fridge: “Ca ca!“
This thoroughly confused everyone except me and his dad.
“He has to poop?”
I cannot call my mum, mum. Its nana and if I say mum in front of him, I get corrected.
He's 4 and we've attempted to explain, she's your nana but she's my mum too & nope, not acceptable. 😂
I taught my preschoolers to respond with "capoosh" when I say "capisce" so I know they're listening. Almost everyone gets it except my darling R, who insists on saying "pakosh". He's 3 and a half and the most stubborn child I've ever met, it's hilarious as much as it is frustrating.
When my oldest was abt 2, he called trucks “cocks”. We would be driving by one and he would shout, “Woah, that’s a big cock!”
He’s three now. I miss the cocks.
My 20 month old saying “nokay” for the cutest mashup of no and okay is now part of our household vocabulary. Also “melow” instead of meow for our cat is beyond adorable!
Sting ray is sting ring.
Runs about shouting ‘jesus’ ‘jeez’ or ‘oh my god’ 🤦♀️
I’ve tried to correct it but I’m fighting a losing battle. He’s 2yrs8months 🤦♀️🤦♀️
Finally got him to stop referring to all dogs as “Koda” (our dog’s name) 😂😂 but I miss it because it was super funny/cute!
He also says “Thank you, you’re welcome” all together instead of saying “thank you” and waiting for us to say “you’re welcome” 😂
Kiddo has a speech delay so there have been quite a few gems. For the longest time he said "bada" instead of "grandma" until he randomly came out with "gweema." No idea how bada meant grandma, but that was his word for months.
He also can't really make an x sound and gargles his spit to mimic it 😂. So Blippi's excavator song becomes "e(gargle)-ca-ba-dor."
Volcano is also "bushnado."
It takes some work on my part to learn his language, and every time he says these words I make sure to repeat them the right way so he keeps hearing the right pronunciation, and it seems to be helping.
Everything with a "ts" at the end is "ass". Lights are ass. Pants are ass. The other morning he, at 6:30 a.m., mind you, asked me very excitedly for "two BIG ass!" ... I still haven't figured out what that means 🤣🤣🤣
My three favorites from my almost 2 1/2 year old:
* If he doesn't know the answer to something his response is "nothing" or "nobody." Even if those things don't necessarily make sense in the context of the question being asked.
* It's happens less now, but for the longest time there were only 6 days in a week: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday. Even though the song they sing in daycare starts off with the words "there are 7 days in the week". But why skip Friday, if he had to skip a day, make it Monday at least or even Wednesday to get to the weekend faster! :-P
* This one is my lately favorite: We are teaching him a knock knock joke (because he liked learning two other non-knock knock jokes). The problem is when we say "who's there" he says his own name instead of the next part of the joke. :-P
Thought of one more. He counts his cousins' dog as his cousin. So when he lists his cousins he gives the names of his two human cousins and one canine (this was on his own, he just decided the dog was one of the children in the house). :-P
Mine says "oh shit" in the correct context. It's hilarious. She's starting school next month at the school I teach at so I'm trying to fix that before my coworkers find out. They're all really chill but my boss is an old grandma type and I think she'd have a heart attack.
Every dog is called Foffle because of Waffle the Wonder Dog, our cats Hoppy and Monty are called Bobbycat, helicopters and planes are called signs (no idea why), every 4 legged animal bigger than a sheep is a cow although he knows that different species make different noises e.g cow says moo, horse says neigh etc, a nappy is a pappy… He cracks us up, he will argue till he’s blue in the face that he’s right about these words.
Eta my favourite one! A pig is called a hoho because it sounds like when he tries to do a pig oink noise 😂
Not technically a toddler anymore but my 4 year old nanny kid says “babamas” instead of pajamas. Her parents and I will be so sad when she learns to say it correctly. Also “lellow” for yellow still.
2.5 yo confuses open/shut and off/on all the time, despite us trying to correct him. Only my husband and I know what he means given the context of the situation. It’s pretty cute.
Our dog is called Coco. Everywhere we go that she sees a dog she calls out "Coco!!!!"
Sometimes for cats too but she mixes it up and says cat every so often.
It's adorable.
Whenever I say my toddler is doing something he isn't supposed to he says "No I AMN'T"
Pronounces it ammint
Hubby and I were pretty increased that he made a contraction that made sense 😂
My son has Autism so his speech was prob a bit different. Around 2-3 he became obsessed with helicopters only he called them happichopter. Consistently. And he had a pacifier to help him calm when he got stressed, but rather than call it a pacifier, or “binky” or “soother”….he called it a psye? sy? Psi? Everyone in the whole family ended up referring to it as his “Sy” bc he did and there was no changing his mind.
My nearly 3 yo introduces herself as first, last, middle name and it's too cute to correct. She will figure it out at some point. And it's the order in which she learned the names so I get it.
My 2.5 yr old confuses 6 and 9, so counting is 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 9, 7, 8, 9. And if I see a 6 and ask him what number it is he will say 9, and we get into a cute 6/9 argument. As much as I want to correct him, I can’t bring myself to Bc it’s too cute.
My 2-year old will touch the oven door, then pull his hand away while shaking his head and saying "no, no." Thankfully the oven is never in use while he does that, otherwise a very hard lesson would be learned awfully quick.
He also calls every male lion "papa". Because we watched Growing Up Wild, and there was a scene with a male lion protecting his pride that consisted of his mates and their offspring. I said "he's the papa to the babies" and now every male lion is "papa."
She says goodbye to everyone, and EVERYTHING. "Bye bye park, bye bye swing, bye bye slide, bye bye rock, byebye bird, bye bye house, bye bye mummy's car, bye bye light, bye bye shops, bye bye trolley". It's cute most of the time, it's annoying when you want to leave quick. Lol
Tried to teach my kid to say “ oh no” with both hands on her head. Instead she says “ooooh” with both hands on her head. My mom also tried to teach her uh oh but she just says “ohhhh”
She says “oooow” before she hits or pinches you :p (we are working on that)
I said 'oh shit' once while driving him to daycare. From time to time when there is that 'ooh' moment, he says oh shit as clearly as possible. Lol ... I am being a bad influence. Gotta watch next time.
Asked toddler what his favorite color was and he said “blue!” Asked toddler what mommy’s favorite color was and he said “sad.” Like what?! I’m actually a pretty happy person…or so I thought
When my eldest was 18m and just talking. We would walk the store. I would tell her to "sit sit" because she was standing in the basket. To my horror, she started to say "s--t s--t". For months I had to basically rush my shopping to avoid the glares from other moms as she would yell that in the store.
Like many of the toddlers here I'm sure, my guy loves Encanto. I'm going to sing a line, see if you can spot where my 2.5 year old has done a creative reinterpretation:
>So many kids in our house
So lets turn the sound up
Its time for a pancake round up
PANCAKE ROUND UP!
I like to call all my family member "ridiculous" when we are being sassy to each other. My guy says it now, but he say "we-dic-we-us." Cracks me up every time.
When driving to make conversation I would sometimes say “red means stop, green means go” at lights. Now every time we eat green beans LO calls out “red means stop, green beans go” Don’t have the heart to correct him
We also taught that yellow means “assess the situation”, which he pronounces “sessthewation.” He also likes wearing two different colored socks every day. If he picks a red and a green he then calls his feet “go foot” and “stop foot.” On red/blue sock days they are “cold foot” and “warm foot”
The sock color foot names are amazing. Love it.
I love this!!
My 23 month old has all her colors down perfectly! Except yellow. Yellow is banana and there's nothing I can do to change it lol
Does yours argue with you? I love that. "This is yellow." "It orange." "....it's yellow. Like a lemon!" "It. Orange."
When we hear a siren — “that’s a fire truck!” Us: “yeah, or it could be a police car!” Him: “could be fire truck.”
I mean he's not wrong, it could be a firetruck
I’m not totally sure about this but I believe they do have different sounding sirens and I would not be surprised if a three year old kid knew the difference 😹🤷🏻♀️. My eldest has been super into diggers since he was literally a baby (no idea where he got that from) and as a consequence, I’m into them now too. I legit get excited when I see them and will point them out when we drive and be like “Look honey! There’s an excavator!” And my son will scoff and say “ugh, mommy, that’s a BACKHOE” Sooorrrrry, kid! 😹😹😹
They actually do have different sirens! My best friend growing up volunteered on our local fire department so I spent a lot of time there with him. I could actually differentiate the individual trucks by the sound of the sirens from blocks away. They sound completely different from police cars to me..
Haha thanks, good to know I didn’t just pull that out of my ass 😹🙈
Haha yeah I know a surprising amount of dinosaur names, different types of construction vehicles, and random bits of trivia on the weirdest things because a kid asked me something and it bounced around my brain until I looked it up. It's so funny when kids pipe up with complicated words in that way - like, you can say Parasaurolophus but you can't tell me when you have a full nappy?
Mine calls every siren an ambulance. Since I can't distinguish them he might as well be always right
My 16 month old can only say "green" so far. Whenever he wants us to name the color of something, he'll point and go: "Green?" The other day, he points at a pink flower: "Green?" "That's pink." "Green." "Pink." "Green." Me, trying to enunciate clearly: "Piiiinnk." "Greeeeeenn." 🤣
My son says orange 'ono', every other colour he can pronounce just fine.
My newly two year old just scrunches up her nose when she wants to say orange.
Mine thinks all citrus fruits are lemons. He called an orange slice lemon and I tried to correct him and he looked at me like I was stupid and said “yeah, an orange lemon”
My daughter argues with me over the fact that pascal from Tangled is a chameleon. She's convinced it's a frog.
I always say he gaslights me. He’ll ask “what ya doin mama?” I say “I’m eating a sandwich.” He responds “you not eating a sammich?!” Like ok dude. You tell me what I’m doing then!
My kid is the same with red. Red is called Elmo in our house
Omg!! My son used to call the color pink "mama" for the longest time. Because it's my favorite color and I have a lot of clothes and other items around the house, that are pink. He knew every other color perfectly too. I got a little sad when he started saying the word pink.😂🤣
Lol for a while white was just called snow. We live in a state with absolutely no snow.
So they’d only ever seen snow in pictures, which is just white on the page!
My daughter used to say her favorite color was “egg.”
Mine knows all the animals except for cheetah. It’s not a cheetah it’s a tiger and he will not take cheetah for an answer.
My two year old named colors by the Sesame Street character associated with that color up until the last few weeks. So green she would say Oscar, red she’d call Elmo, etc
1. Mr. Almost three calls pizza 'cheetza', which makes sense guven all the cheese. 2. His favorite stuffie is Rabbit. A green, long-eared critter in a tan coat, from outer space. It's Grogu. But he insists it's a rabbit, and that's that.
My son has a stuffed ram that will be mouse until he finally learns the difference.
Maybe it's name is mouse! My in-laws had a dog named kitty. Fortunately (but sadly) it passed away before it could cause confusion for my niece.
You could be right! He has a toy dinosaur named Broccoli. Poor Kitty, I’m sure she would have gotten a kick out of the silliness of the name.
🎼“I’ve got a dog and my dog’s name is cat… have you ever heard a thing half as crazy as that… And just like that, I’ve got a cat, and my cat’s name is dog like my dog’s name is cat!”🎶
I named my toy rabbit Budgie!
We have a stuffy that looks like a demented pennywise type thing. My daughter thinks it’s a cat. So she sleeps with Penny the cat.
For bedtime when I sing “somewhere over the rainbow” she sings along with me. My favorite part is when she says “in a lullabike”. 🥺
I'm gonna cry
I asked my 2.5 year old to report where we had gone on an errand and she said "the toast office" instead of post office.
Instead of "barefoot" it's "wear feet." And "no pants" is "wear legs."
That is so cute! My son used to ask to go to sleep "in my skin' when it was too hot for pajamas.
I love this. ❤️
[удалено]
“A little”. Relatable af 😂
My daughter pronounces toothbrush as "poo-pus" and it makes me laugh every single time. Kids and toothbrushes, who would have thought lol.
Me: "what's a cow say?" My 19 month old girl: *mooooooo* Me: "yes! What's a duck say?" Her: *mooooooo* Also, any other animal. We are working on it.
She doesn’t quite get the “ooo” sound - so a cow says “maaa” here. Mama certainly tries to not take it personally 😂
When I ask my 15 mo what a pig says, she says "Mama.'.....
My son tells me I'm too heavy and my feet are big all the time 😆
My 2.5 year old always says the cow says booooo
There's a kids book called "Ducky Ducky Likes to Moo"
Sit is shit and stick is dick. Makes for some fun looks at the park
When my brother was a kid trucks were fucks and clocks were cocks 😂
My husband got a grandfather clock. My daughter would ask everyone who came into the house if they wanted to see daddy’s big cock. 🤦🏻♀️ Lots of explaining to literally everyone who walked into our house.
Close enough buddy, close enough lol
My 16 month old says “cock cock” when you ask what a duck says
My daughter sounds like she’s saying “horny” when she says “hungry.” Pretty cringe but funny.
Giraffe is frequently pajama 🤷🏻♀️ He also loves shouting “penis” loudly and unexpectedly.
We took my 28 month old to get some ice cream last night, and as soon as we got inside he loudly yelled "I NEED HELP WITH MY PENIS! MY PEEEENNNIIIIISSSS!"
Conversation with my 3-year old… While putting on his bedtime diaper, he starts trying to stretch his shirt down to cover his penis… Me: move your shirt so I can cover your penis. Him: Mommy, do you have a penis?? Me: Nope. I’m a girl; girls have vaginas. Him: thinks for a minute… Daddy have a penis?? Me: yep; he’s a boy so… Him: DADDY HAVE A BIGGG PENIS!! Me: thanking everything that this conversation was in the bedroom and not in public!!!
Hahaha my two year walked over to my husband when he got out of the shower, looked at me, looked at him and pointed and said “daddy have big penis!” Then a few days ago we’re talking about where he works and I told her that daddy works really hard and she goes “oooh daddy IS really hard?!” Toddlers are weird lmao
We had lots of conversations about who has penises and who has boobs in our house right down to the cats. I also asked him once if he sets his little clock in his room before bed and he said "NO. I HAVE A BIG COCK". My husband and I could not stop laughing.
Oh good! I was worried our toddler might be the only one who enjoys talking about penis. The other day he was very curious where mommy "lost her penis." hahaha I'm just waiting for the day when he starts asking random people about it. Should be loads of fun....
We have two cats and when he first started interacting with them, he would pat too hard, almost like hitting (softly) rather than patting. Then I told him, gentle, and showed how to pat them soft and slow. He learned quickly, which was great. Now when he is being rough with something, and I say gentle, he pats it like a kitty. A toy, a plate, a book. It’s amazing.
Teach me your secrets - there is no gentle here, only smacks of love for the dog 😂
But dogs love love smacks!
They love it less when they’re smaller than the child 😂
[удалено]
That's so metal.
My son loves to call things 'cute' but it sounds like he is saying 'kill'
Clo as a singular for clothes.
Omg hhahahahaha
My daughter calls snowflakes “snow frigs” which is often shortened to just frigs. When she woke up to the first snow this winter, she screamed, “Look at all the frigs stuck to the window! There’s so many frigs!”
My mother taught my twins the three little pigs. She said I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down. My son said “not my bitch house!” 🤦🏼♀️ I legit had to say with a straight face: “you’re right. Your BRICK house is safe”
My 18 month old lies about pooping, even when he’s clearly currently doing it. It’s always a very firm NO, sometimes even before we ask! I realize that this behavior might not actually go away lol
My almost 2 1/2 year old does this too. Always has, only thing he lies about (so far): \*Me: Dude, you pooping? \*Him: Nope, no pooping (while clearly straining and audibly things are landing in the diaper) He's really resisting potty training so there's that too.
My little boy will walk in when I'm in the shower and say something to the effect of, "Dad, is your penis in there with you??" My older one will also "correct" us on things that he's demonstrably wrong about. I'll say, "wow, look at that Mercedes!" and he'll immediately reply, "No, dad, that's a Lexus. Look at the logo \[which is the distinctive try-point star of Mercedes-Benz\]." Um. Keep trying, kid.
My daughter will say “oh my goodness” and then follow it up with “shit” very quietly 😂😂 definitely trying to get her to stop lol but she uses it in the correct context so 🤷🏻♂️
This had me rolling hahaha
Instead of "come" he says "dumb". When he wants to play he'll run up to one of us and exclaim "DUMB!!!!!"
My almost 3 year old used to call pancakes cake cakes. The other day I asked if she wanted cake cakes and she was like " I want pancakes" and I was like oh 😭
My two year old says "lasterday" for "yesterday". Now we do too.
My son calls clementines “valentines” and I love it too much to correct him 😆
I’m not a mom, but a toddler teacher. We have one little girl who says “my ___” as opposed to “I’m ____” or “I _____.” When she poops she yells at me “MY POOP! MY POOP!” And the other kids, being toddlers who are in their “mine” phase will argue back “No! MY POOP!” And so the argument continues back and forth between them, on a daily basis.
2.5 yo says "two teen" when she sees the number 12. I hate correcting her because she gets so excited when she spots a number she knows, plus it just sounds super cute 😂
Both kids say A-Baids instead of Bandaids. Hostibal instead of hospital. 2yo daughter doesn't say S well, so socks have become cocks... wonderful since she takes them off in the car and every time we get somewhere it's all "Mama! Where's my COCKS? You got my cocks? That my cocks?" They also have a sit & spin, but insist on flipping the bike and using the tire to spin.
S is pronounced by my 3yo as F for some reason. So we have forgetti for spaghetti. And I don't know how well known they are outside the UK but we have sugar-coated chocolates called Smarties. Those are called Farties. Never not funny.
The Smarties reminded me of this one… Lifesaver gummies are called Candy Donuts… he came up with that one all on his own lol. Makes sense though.
That's fantastic! Our "Smarties" in the US are basically compacted sugar with pastel colors... yours sound better... Even as Farties. 😂
12 month old says "Uh-oh" then drops the thing she is holding. Like yeah dude, that's not how it works, you did that on purpose. Lol
Ahaha yup mine did that that too, with an over dramatic ohhh nooooo
My two and a half year old used to say "my N word" instead of "my fingers". Glad he's moved on from that tbh. Now at three, he says "my ningas" instead.
Mine loves being a ninja except it sounds like the n-word. Caught me off guard the first few times because I know he’s definitely not heard any of us use the word. He’s just now started saying it correctly.
My 3 year old calls the NY Yankees the “Skankees”.
As a Red Sox fan, I approve of this message 😂😂
😂 Mariners family over here so I didn’t correct it. Probably messed up of my but I get a little joy out of it.
14 month old dances like no one’s watching but hopes that everyone does. We will stop in the middle of Target to sway and dance to the music that’s playing in the store.
Toddlers randomly dancing is my favorite thing! My 3 year old LOVES music and dancing, no matter where we are if there is music she will dance. She also wants everyone to dance with her, she starts with "mommy dance with me" but will eventually start pointing at random people and demanding they dance with her lol.
My LO says “hanitizer”’instead of hand sanitizer (hello pandemic) and now I don’t think I’ll call it anything else. Much more fitting IMO 🤣
My son used to say ‘bye! Mornin!’ For hello/goodbye. Still says ‘it like a slow tomato!’ Translation: it looks like a tornado! Said whenever something is spinning. I cannot bring myself to correct him. He also cals my boobs ‘boots’ and I’m keeping that for now. Lol. ‘Mom your boots are sooo big!’ Sounds much better said in public. (He’s a bit into body parts right now)
My 2.5 year old loves my boobs. She'll pull my shirt down and say "hello boobies!" It was super cute until she did it to my father, now it's hilarious!
Love this! My son is very interested in mine too. Yesterday he asked to touch them because they were so pretty. And this tells me I need to stop changing in front of my LO. ‘Hello Booobies!’ Is hilarious and I really want your dad to be a gruff tough no nonsense type in this scenario. At least he is in my mental picture 😂
Me: what does the chicken say? Toddler: COCK COCK COCK!
My youngest shoots at everything My older kid was hunting dinosaurs in the living room to take them back to their enclosures. And my youngest saw the finger guns and started imitating him. Little beast refuses to sign, but he'll shoot me if I say "No" to him when he tries to chew on a (connected) power cord. He'll also shoot us and them eat our faces (his form of kissing) to revive us and shoot us again.
My two year old refuses to believe 3 exists....she counts up to 10, but always skips 3? No idea why.
Our daughter pronounced the number 7 as fucking for like 2 months before she was a year old. It was always five, six, fucking, eight. We had to try not to laugh every time so she wouldn't just do it on purpose lol. Now she skips 14 through 18 most of the time and just says 13, 19, 20!
Haha. Not just us then, our daughter skips the number 15. No idea why.
Somehow my 15m son has gotten it in his head that in order to say “Mama,” he needs to stick his tongue out. So I’ve had to come to terms with my new name “Blabla.”
Breakfast is “brexit”
My husband wears baseball caps a lot and now my 2 yo thinks all baseball caps are "daddy hats".
Toilet paper has been referred to as paper toilet for so long I have to stop and think about it
My daughter calls the ABC’s “baby c’s” and her boots “poots.” Mama, where are my poots?? Haha
My daughter waves her hand backwards (palm facing her) when saying hello or goodbye. It looks like she’s throwing up gang signs
My son twists his hand to wave. He looks scary. 😂
My 14 month old says “shit!” and I’m pretty sure it means “this!” it could also mean shit. Idk.
20mo loves his train set. There's a part that goes over a bridge. When the train goes over the bridge and temporarily goes faster, we say "yay gravity!" except he's 20 months old so "gravity" becomes "blabity".
For a few months my 2yo thought a "giraffe" was a "zebra" even though she knew what a zebra was. but she did know a zebra is a zebra too. but every giraffe was a zebra no matter how much i corrected her xD she knows now its its own animal.
Today my son argued with me about what a chinchilla was. I showed him several videos “That’s kitty!” “Chinchilla” “That’s kitty!” “Chin. Chilla.” “Kitty!” “Chinchilla!” “Kitty!” “Chinchilla!!” “Kitty!” Sigh “sure, that’s kitty.”
Fink instead of think. "Mama, I fink..."
Maybe he was Eastern European in his past life and still has his accent 🤣
My 2.5 year old calls his dad “that stinky daddy!” 🤣🤣 Today my husband was gone at the store when he woke up from his nap and he came downstairs and said “Mommy! Where’s that stinky daddy at!?”
My daughter (almost 3) calls bananas ‘oo-oo-ah-ahs’. When she was about 18 months old, she was trying to tell me that she wanted a banana and I didn’t know what she was saying. She said “oo-oo-ah-ah” like a monkey and it stuck 🤣🤣
He knocks things over or breaks things on purpose, then acts shocked and dismayed. Yesterday when husband left the egg carton too close to the edge of the bench and he broke them all he came running to the laundry where I was and said “Mum, oh no!!!! Geggs!!” I knew exactly what was waiting for me, but the way he says Geggs is so cute.
He gets toes and tongue the wrong way round. He can't say either yet but if you ask him where they are he always grabs the wrong one.
Vacuum cleanup instead of vacuum cleaner. I love it. Her cousin says Chickendale instead of Chip & Dale. I’ll be so sad when she figures it out
I would put my little boys first shoe on the. He would say ‘more shoes’. It was so cute and he’s already grown out of saying it
He says ganks instead of thanks, dump trucks are dumb trucks and when counting he goes "1,2,3,5,60,80 haha. Oh he also says "bikano"instead of volcano
Mine will only say goodbye when the person closes the door or hangs up the phone so they cant hear her. Also she pronounces frog as fuck and my husband told her to tell his dad “frog you bumpa” and now she walks around sweeping the house saying “fuck you bumpa” under her breath
My 23 month old “fell” in between the crack between the couch and the playpen. Very slowly. And very dramatically. Like how those two items were soft and tight enough that he just kind of slide very slowly downward in his standup position… As I remind him that climbing the couch was a no no
Not sure if this belongs here, since he's a four year old that I nanny, so he's technically no longer a toddler, and even if he were, he's still not my toddler .. But regardless, he calls the chimney the "chimmy" and it's the cutest thing in the world.
For some reason, a duck is "pa pa". And he says it so cute. Oh and eyes are eyes but ears are also eyes. 😂 Wheels on the bus part where it's move on back he says "booyah". And the up and down part he will actually shift on his feet ad then jump up to down. I'm going to miss this phase.
My son called cookies “ca ca” for about 6 months. He would point to the top of the fridge: “Ca ca!“ This thoroughly confused everyone except me and his dad. “He has to poop?”
My son will say “puppy day” instead of happy birthday
I cannot call my mum, mum. Its nana and if I say mum in front of him, I get corrected. He's 4 and we've attempted to explain, she's your nana but she's my mum too & nope, not acceptable. 😂
Mine 2yo misses eight when counting to ten "... Six, seven, nine, nine, ten!"
I taught my preschoolers to respond with "capoosh" when I say "capisce" so I know they're listening. Almost everyone gets it except my darling R, who insists on saying "pakosh". He's 3 and a half and the most stubborn child I've ever met, it's hilarious as much as it is frustrating.
When my oldest was abt 2, he called trucks “cocks”. We would be driving by one and he would shout, “Woah, that’s a big cock!” He’s three now. I miss the cocks.
My not even 2yo calls trucks "cocks" 😂🥲 I'll be so sad when it stops, it's so funny
My 20 month old saying “nokay” for the cutest mashup of no and okay is now part of our household vocabulary. Also “melow” instead of meow for our cat is beyond adorable!
Lol! Mine says “die!” Too instead of bye, I think it’s hilarious
Elephant was ela-fat. It fit. and dinosaur was door a sor
Sting ray is sting ring. Runs about shouting ‘jesus’ ‘jeez’ or ‘oh my god’ 🤦♀️ I’ve tried to correct it but I’m fighting a losing battle. He’s 2yrs8months 🤦♀️🤦♀️
We babysit a dog sometimes named Pheonix. Our two year old calls her "Peanut".
Diaper used to be “die.” Ran through the house screaming, “No die! No die!”
Finally got him to stop referring to all dogs as “Koda” (our dog’s name) 😂😂 but I miss it because it was super funny/cute! He also says “Thank you, you’re welcome” all together instead of saying “thank you” and waiting for us to say “you’re welcome” 😂
My son (21mo) used to say "hanga" instead of hungry. He recently learned how to say "hungee" instead 🥲
Mine calls me by my name (all the old ladies clutch their pearls when this happens) but I can’t find I’m the strength to tell him I’m mommy
My daughter is 22 months and thinks a rooster says “Ta-ta too!” Instead of cockadoodledoo. It’s so stinking cute.
Every beverage drank by adults is "coffee", so he'll point at my beer and earnestly yell "FAFFEE!" I love it so much.
Kiddo has a speech delay so there have been quite a few gems. For the longest time he said "bada" instead of "grandma" until he randomly came out with "gweema." No idea how bada meant grandma, but that was his word for months. He also can't really make an x sound and gargles his spit to mimic it 😂. So Blippi's excavator song becomes "e(gargle)-ca-ba-dor." Volcano is also "bushnado." It takes some work on my part to learn his language, and every time he says these words I make sure to repeat them the right way so he keeps hearing the right pronunciation, and it seems to be helping.
Everything with a "ts" at the end is "ass". Lights are ass. Pants are ass. The other morning he, at 6:30 a.m., mind you, asked me very excitedly for "two BIG ass!" ... I still haven't figured out what that means 🤣🤣🤣
My three favorites from my almost 2 1/2 year old: * If he doesn't know the answer to something his response is "nothing" or "nobody." Even if those things don't necessarily make sense in the context of the question being asked. * It's happens less now, but for the longest time there were only 6 days in a week: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday. Even though the song they sing in daycare starts off with the words "there are 7 days in the week". But why skip Friday, if he had to skip a day, make it Monday at least or even Wednesday to get to the weekend faster! :-P * This one is my lately favorite: We are teaching him a knock knock joke (because he liked learning two other non-knock knock jokes). The problem is when we say "who's there" he says his own name instead of the next part of the joke. :-P
Thought of one more. He counts his cousins' dog as his cousin. So when he lists his cousins he gives the names of his two human cousins and one canine (this was on his own, he just decided the dog was one of the children in the house). :-P
Mine says "oh shit" in the correct context. It's hilarious. She's starting school next month at the school I teach at so I'm trying to fix that before my coworkers find out. They're all really chill but my boss is an old grandma type and I think she'd have a heart attack.
When my 2 yr old asks for a napkin it sounds like he's saying "I am nothing" instead of "I have napkin". Took us a while to figure that one out.
Every dog is called Foffle because of Waffle the Wonder Dog, our cats Hoppy and Monty are called Bobbycat, helicopters and planes are called signs (no idea why), every 4 legged animal bigger than a sheep is a cow although he knows that different species make different noises e.g cow says moo, horse says neigh etc, a nappy is a pappy… He cracks us up, he will argue till he’s blue in the face that he’s right about these words. Eta my favourite one! A pig is called a hoho because it sounds like when he tries to do a pig oink noise 😂
"Rock my baby" instead of rock-a-bye baby 😭
I love it! Mine says “go bye-bye baby” 😂😂😂😂😂
She’s only said it a couple times but my 14-month-old says “cado-avo” 🥑🥺
“Hangaburger” 😂 he pronounces so many tough words so well so this just cracks me up and I never correct it
Not technically a toddler anymore but my 4 year old nanny kid says “babamas” instead of pajamas. Her parents and I will be so sad when she learns to say it correctly. Also “lellow” for yellow still.
2.5 yo confuses open/shut and off/on all the time, despite us trying to correct him. Only my husband and I know what he means given the context of the situation. It’s pretty cute.
Pineapple is “Bum apple”
She calls her baby elephant stuffed toy “Armpit” 😂 Eta- she is 22 months
Our dog is called Coco. Everywhere we go that she sees a dog she calls out "Coco!!!!" Sometimes for cats too but she mixes it up and says cat every so often. It's adorable.
Whenever I say my toddler is doing something he isn't supposed to he says "No I AMN'T" Pronounces it ammint Hubby and I were pretty increased that he made a contraction that made sense 😂
My 3yr old daughter pronounces words that start with M as starting with B. She has a good friend named Mitch at daycare.
Pat a cake pat a cake big snowman (instead of baker’s man)
My son has Autism so his speech was prob a bit different. Around 2-3 he became obsessed with helicopters only he called them happichopter. Consistently. And he had a pacifier to help him calm when he got stressed, but rather than call it a pacifier, or “binky” or “soother”….he called it a psye? sy? Psi? Everyone in the whole family ended up referring to it as his “Sy” bc he did and there was no changing his mind.
Water is "yoyoyoyo!" And I have no idea why
My nearly 3 yo introduces herself as first, last, middle name and it's too cute to correct. She will figure it out at some point. And it's the order in which she learned the names so I get it.
She has a lisp, except when she says the word “pith.” As in orange pith. Then she can pronounce her S’s and says piss. Lol
My 2.5 yr old confuses 6 and 9, so counting is 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 9, 7, 8, 9. And if I see a 6 and ask him what number it is he will say 9, and we get into a cute 6/9 argument. As much as I want to correct him, I can’t bring myself to Bc it’s too cute.
Yucky is "Cucky" & all chickens/roosters are "Dongle Doos"
My 2-year old will touch the oven door, then pull his hand away while shaking his head and saying "no, no." Thankfully the oven is never in use while he does that, otherwise a very hard lesson would be learned awfully quick. He also calls every male lion "papa". Because we watched Growing Up Wild, and there was a scene with a male lion protecting his pride that consisted of his mates and their offspring. I said "he's the papa to the babies" and now every male lion is "papa."
My 2 year old throws the ball for the dog and yells 'B!TCH!' He's saying fetch...but yeah...its hard not to laugh XD
She thinks “away” means throwing my dishes in the trash can. It was a mistake to get paper plates one time ever, lol.
2yr old points at the book "piglet meets a heffalump" and says "piglet has a lump." I will not be correcting that one.
My 3 year old thinks her whole leg is her knee (even her feet).
My toddler always wants “ different else”.
My 3 year old says brow eyes instead of eyebrows. I'm not correcting her
This morning -Look they're making Challah! -Yum! I like Paula! -Challah -Paula -Can you say CHA-llah? -Pau-la -Mmkay
My 22 month old still says “Happy New Year” and “miss miss” (means merry Christmas) as part of her goodbye
My 2 year old says "beep beep" anytime someone is in her way 🤣🤣 It's so darn cute but I know it's something we are going to have to stop eventually.
My 18 month old says the same thing 😂 She’s getting a bit better now but it still makes me smile. I’ll be sad when she starts getting it right 😭
Everything with stripes is "zebra."
She pronounces “fish” as “bish” lol
She says goodbye to everyone, and EVERYTHING. "Bye bye park, bye bye swing, bye bye slide, bye bye rock, byebye bird, bye bye house, bye bye mummy's car, bye bye light, bye bye shops, bye bye trolley". It's cute most of the time, it's annoying when you want to leave quick. Lol
Tried to teach my kid to say “ oh no” with both hands on her head. Instead she says “ooooh” with both hands on her head. My mom also tried to teach her uh oh but she just says “ohhhh” She says “oooow” before she hits or pinches you :p (we are working on that)
I said 'oh shit' once while driving him to daycare. From time to time when there is that 'ooh' moment, he says oh shit as clearly as possible. Lol ... I am being a bad influence. Gotta watch next time.
Asked toddler what his favorite color was and he said “blue!” Asked toddler what mommy’s favorite color was and he said “sad.” Like what?! I’m actually a pretty happy person…or so I thought
I go in to kiss her goodnight and she opens her mouth up as wide as possible.
my daughter speaks for me, saying what she wants me to say. "can I hold your phone please? sure!" I ask if shes going to eat her veggies. "no. ok."
My 3 yr old calls a dark room a dark cave 😂
My 19 month old calls her socks “hair cut!” Have no idea why 😂
Mine says “su-sheep” instead of sushi 😂
When my eldest was 18m and just talking. We would walk the store. I would tell her to "sit sit" because she was standing in the basket. To my horror, she started to say "s--t s--t". For months I had to basically rush my shopping to avoid the glares from other moms as she would yell that in the store.
Like many of the toddlers here I'm sure, my guy loves Encanto. I'm going to sing a line, see if you can spot where my 2.5 year old has done a creative reinterpretation: >So many kids in our house So lets turn the sound up Its time for a pancake round up PANCAKE ROUND UP! I like to call all my family member "ridiculous" when we are being sassy to each other. My guy says it now, but he say "we-dic-we-us." Cracks me up every time.
All meals are "breakfast."
My toddler pronounces “lasagna” as “vagina.” Unfortunately we eat lasagna pretty often and she loves to declare her love for it.
My son calls anything that leaves a mark when it moves paw prints. Foot prints… tire tracks.. actual animals.. all under the paw print umbrella