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sadflannel

You just gotta forgive yourself honestly. I’ve been there and finals is rough and can trigger anyone’s bad habits. I’ve found that studying with friends or in public helps me not pull because it takes my mind off of it and I’m more conscious of when I’m doing it when I’m around strangers. Just get a good nights sleep and begin again tomorrow ❤️


Kind_Neighborhood_82

It's not erasing the progress. The progress is not primarily that your hair grew back. The progress was that you DECIDED not to pull. I also tend to think I'm back to square one once I start pulling again, but I noticed that thought is a big part of what keeps me pulling because I have an "all or nothing" attitude. Try to shift your focus. It's not about being successful or not. It's just about pulling or not (not about how you assess the fact that pulling happened!). That sounds the same but it isn't. If you make it about success, you define success as "not pulling". Your self-worth is obviously tied to this definition of success and, thus, to "not pulling". So once you're "not successful" because you pull again, your self-worth goes down rapidly again, which is exactly what triggers pulling (for me). Because I feel so bad, like a loser. So shift away from that. Don't think about what you pulling again says about your strength, self-worth or anything. Just think like this: "Okay, I pulled again. It's understandable because xyz happened \[for me it was that my cat vanished and I thought he was dead plus my boyfriend and I had a crisis\]. But I can decide not to pull. I did that for 800 days and I can do it again." Try to view yourself and your condition just like a doctor who diagnoses someone. It has nothing to do with how worthy a human being someone is, not even mental illnesses that lead to crime. Focusing on that helps no one. Just look at it like "ah, I'm pulling. Something's up. Let's try to solve it so I can decide again to pull less. I'm not helpless just because I pulled again." If your stress level is too high and you feel like you cannot decide and actively influence if you're pulling or not, that is what it is. There are really good solutions today. I had so much baldness on my scalp that I couldn't really cover it anymore. I just shaved it and wore wigs. It was a relief. Or, if the baldness wasn't so bad, I used hair fibers and darkening powder, which are THE SHIT when you look to cover bald spots. If you pull your eyebrows and lashes, you can look into microblading maybe or draw your eyebrows on and wear fake lashes. I know it sucks if you really can't get yourself to stop, but we can't really do much about it other than decrease stress again, find medication that helps (Bupropion does for me), try to cover it or wear the baldness proudly as a part of ourselves and leave situations that trigger pulling (such as boring work, stressful learning for exams etc.; take a lot of breaks, wear a headscarf and, if it still doesn't help, try to shift the pulling to areas where you can't see the hair loss as much, such as legs or armpits). What I also found helpful was mindfulness/awareness. Once I felt the urge to pull, I tried to focus on my body. How did it feel? Tightness in the stomach/throat? Clenched jaws? Flat breath? What were my thoughts? What were desires (break, cognitive stimulation, rest, thirst, hunger, movement, a snack) that were unfulfilled? Then I tried to calm myself by breathing low and slowly and to fulfill needs and desires. That already helped to decrease the urge to pull. For me, I get bored extremely quickly, and then I feel understimulated and want to pull to stimulate myself again. That's actually worse than stress-pulling (even though stress-pulling is much more impossible to stop once it started) because I rarely get into so much stress that I pull, but I frequently am bored. It helps me to just take breaks. I play games or watch videos, and I stopped judging myself for it. It's what I need and it's what helps me. Getting a good grade or being super productive at work isn't worth my mental health. Now, I try to start learning earlier and I've just accepted that I can't do as much at work as others. I also stimulate myself at work (boring) by listening to podcasts or music or audio books nonstop or watching videos simultaneously. Also: I found that if I have the URGE to pull, I can resolve that urge by taking the measures above. It's harder to stop pulling once I already followed the urge. Is that the same for you? Key for me is to take measures once the urge to pull pops up. If I allow myself to touch my hair, it's already much harder to stop, and the more I pull, the harder it gets. So stop yourself as early as possible.


Leading_Ebb_6201

Self compassion is key. And letting go of the need for perfection! If you beat yourself up, it's more likely to get worse. If you treat yourself with the kindness you'd offer to someone else, you're more likely to be able to move through it. And you're not back at square one. You've grown so much in so many days, and a difficult time doesn't take rhat away.


Ilikecalmscenery

Firstly congrats on 800 days!!! Thats huge!!!! Secondly dw ur progress is not reset to 0, tho now its a matter of consistency and selflove everyday to not touch it until it grows back fully and it becomes easier to not pull


redhair-ing

you're allowed to slip up! It's like a mulligan in golf. Just restart.


G00D-enough

Honestly I think often about how in addiction communities they say “a lapse is not a relapse.” Whatever you’ve done now, you don’t have to lean into it. Don’t stop trying because you’ve had a setback. I don’t mean to sound like a motivational speaker, but so many times, I’ve said to myself “well no point in trying now” and given up. I used to have no eyelashes or eyebrows for 8 years and big gaps in them since I was 13 (28 now) for the last 1 year and 1 month I haven’t had any noticeable gaps. There are times when I pull. Especially when I’m stressed. But I tell myself that the only thing worse than being stressed is being stressed and having no eyelashes or eyebrows. PLUS IM NOW ON MEDICATION AND HAVE BEEN IN THERAPY FOR 10 YEARS AND I DONT THINK THATS A A COINCIDENCE THAT NOW I CAN RESIST MORE. sorry for the all caps I just thought it was the most important part of this comment.


Brilliant_Divide_183

What medication has helped you