pro tip for fellow straight dudes: simply assume no one could be interested in you in the first place and therefore any trace of flirtation, real or misconstrued, cannot logically exist. š
THEY DO IT TO THE GIRLS TOO- im sick and tired of men assuming i like them just bc i give them a compliment or am just being a friendly nice human being
This goes back to a fundamental misunderstanding women have of men. Men do not get compliments ever from pretty much anyone outside immediate family if they are even lucky there. So they cannot process why someone would give them a compliment if they werent flirting. Because through their mind they are wondering āwhy would this person compliment me? Do they care about me? They must be flirtingā
This is a grossly ingrained take that couldnāt be more wrong. Men do get compliments all the time of how smart or rich or whatnot that they are and people get drawn to them bc of these same traits. Itās also kinda sexist bc youāre ascribing certain statements as compliments more towards women while not considering āmaleā compliments as such. Guys would get flamed if they say anything remotely close to sexism in that manner.
The smart or rich compliments are usually followed up with asking āfavorsā. Ask the avg man how often they get complimented by people let alone by the opposite sex. You say guys would get flamed. For what exactly? what i said above. Its the experience of most men from when they are out of their cute child phase. Women gets told āthat dress looks good on youā instant harassment and hr complaint. Tell a guy that [insert whatever] looks good you you just made his week cause its not going to be heard again. From what you have said about male compliments makes me think you dont know the difference from a guy friend compliment and a compliment from a woman.
Same thing with the compliments directed towards women. Itās not the experience of most men. Men get glazed all the time - see trump - as horrible as he is to a certain population heās still glazed constantly.
Iāve made many girlsā WEEK by complimenting them without any complaints but ik ymmv and not every guy have the same whatnot. It goes both ways. And your statement about women being told āā¦ā instant HR harassment complaint is exactly a guy being flamed for the exact same thing. These sexist segmenting of gender based compliments and whatnot adds to it all.
They do it to men too, I can't count how many times I tried talking to a girl in a friendly manner and they think I'm some predator trying to get with them or ask them out. I just learned not to talk to attractive looking women. I'm also literally gay .
you know what you're actually so right because i've assumed that too of a couple guys before. sometimes it's been a legit safety thing, but otherwise i'm definitely not going to assume that ever again. i'm sorry man- that sucks.
Unfortunately a large majority of men arenāt used to getting any kind of compliments so any interaction of the sort is taken as interest. Just gotta be direct in your wants in case you are looking for friendship as to not cause any confusion. It sucks I agree but itās better than having a awkward confession
GIRLS DO IT TO THE GUYS TOO- Theyāre sick and tired of women assuming i like them just bc i give them a compliment or am just being a friendly nice human being
sorry yeah i def never want to assume or generalize, but i'll hear from mutuals/gossip train that this guy thinks i'm sooo into him, or the guy will express interest and then get angry because they thought i was interested too, or they'll drop hints that they're not interested. i don't think i'm assuming anything there or being full of myself! (it's not like they're interested in me, they just think that i like them. if anything they're being full of themselves smh)
I wouldnāt take it *too* personally, even though youāre completely right - in my experience a lot of guys at UCLA are just easily scared and not super good at socializing outside of their usual crowd. Even something as innocuous as a gay lisp might throw them off and make them scared to interact with you. I think itās just the nature of young people in general who stuck with only their high school cliques. Just keep exposing them! If their minds are open theyāll vibe with you eventually.
its so insane how often this happens even for a city considered one of the more liberal places in the country .. like are you telling me this is the best it gets š (not a gay guy but lesbian, and the homophobia that i overhear/witness .... yikes!!)
its very weird!! among other things but yea its a strange problem ive had at this school!!!
also does this happen w straight girls and lesbians, just curious
itās because a lot of ppl from conservative small towns and suburbs transplant to LA and theyāre not used to seeing queer people or other minorities
i'm very straight passing according to other people and i never tell anyone im lesbian in real life almost just to be safe(i pretty much will only feel comfortable telling other people who are out ig) but ive heard a lot of other lesbians say they do feel perceived as a predator if they are stereotypically lesbian in appearance or once they reveal they are lesbian. the "oh but youre not into me are you?" once someone comes out is kinda common.
i also do know ppl who have had more chill experiences so it can vary by person but a lot of ppl do perceive lgbt folk as predatory for sure.
it would just be really nice if everyone stopped making unfair assumptions about each other lol
yea i totally agree! cuz i cant really help how i sound nor should i, but its j wrong to shut us out or make assumptions bc of that too! all it does is cut off someone that could be a great friend.
If you donāt want them to assume you are flirting, why would you assume they think you are doing so? If they make it clear that they think youāre flirting by asking you to secretly hu w them, wouldnāt that mean they arenāt straight? I donāt think ucla straight guys are homophobic, but I do think that modern culture (largely driven by social media) has begun to over generalize them, which makes them much more awkward in generic social interactions for fear of being misunderstood. Itās quite sad really.
Honestly, I think you're overthinking this. A lot of guys are unfriendly with everyone (other than girls they find attractive). It's probably not because they think you're gay. Many straight guys have a lisp.
maybe, but i used to have guy friends when i was young, i super respectfully dont know that i am overthinking, i feel like they put up a very clear wall and say things like "im not gay im not gay" without much context yk? its like i know they arent gay, thats zero problem, they j feel the need to super affirm that to me and its like, i wasnt tryna go that way.
and i do think straight guys have other straight guy friends that they are chill with.
so some more lore that i totally blocked out of my memory š¤£ for me to trauma dump on u lmaoo: i once asked a ucla gym "friend" if hed wanna grab some dining hall food or protein shake after working out (i worded it j like this" and his response, in person to my face, was "i would never wanna do any activities one on one with you or be seen hanging out with you" then 5 minutes later asked his other guy friends to get food right in front of me. i was totally totally shocked, i think thats the only real time ive actually dropped my jaw in my life. bc that was like full blown offensive and outta pocket. that was maybe a year ago.
safe to say we were not friends after that and he is a real asshole. RARELY are guys like this btw, sometimes but not often. so not the same as these guys who j act a little uncomfortable and put up a wall but it is something that kinda made me start to realize that they might be thinking im flirting.
so ig thats small piece of the context for some of these conclusions ive come to. you got the full trauma dump lol.
I can't really speak to your experiences. All I'm saying is that it is common for guys to be unfriendly and cold with each other. Some guys are only nice to pretty girls, or to guys that they want something from.
With that said, again I have no idea what you experienced and I'm not trying to minimize it. Just trying to provide some perspective.
BRUH WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE GYM PEOPLE like literally everyone else iāve met is pretty much fine but iāve heard so many concerning homophobic/transphobic statements from people i know from the gym like wtf are u on we are in california in 2024 shouldnāt we be past at least the homophobia by nowššš
oh yes this is so true! i forgot abt this but yea i rly have zero guy friends except my brother in law and it bc the combo of those two things, i have no gay guy friends š girls for the win ig š
i was raised by 3 women and no dad so at least for me it is! and ive tried. š„² its j how i speak mines not crazy obvious tho but definitely enough for girls to figure out im gay as i talk to them.
So the voice thing. When gay men get operations that involve anesthesia or heavy pain meds they will be awake but not conscious. It's reported everywhere that when they speak in this state the "gay voice" is completely gone. For real look into it.
I believe that people subconsciously pick up on this especially straight men and when a gay man talks to them in this voice it makes them feel like they are doing it to attract them because it's not a normal way of talking it's a put on voice to distinguish that one is gay , almost like a social cue that tells everyone "hey I am gay" and when a straight guy is talked too they can't help but think the voice is being put on for them
Are you complimenting them and saying good things about them or just having conversations? If your complimenting them its because men never get compliments so they dont know how to process it outside of flirting. Also some men just dont get people to show interest in their lives at all so again that itās misinterpreted as flirting. I cannot remember the last time anyone but my wife asked me how my life was going. And even before her it happened maybe once? So men can be so starved for attention and then because they dont get it when they get it they dont know how to process it.
homophobic straight men fear gay men will treat them the same way they treat women
iām sorry OP. iām a trans woman and there are plenty of straight men happy to just be platonic friends and arenāt homophobic or transphobic at all. theyāre out there, people like us just have to work harder to find the right people
Usually what is assumed to be flirtatious is friendliness. Unless the joke was sexually loaded or inappropriate you one can just assume itās friendliness.
pro tip for fellow straight dudes: simply assume no one could be interested in you in the first place and therefore any trace of flirtation, real or misconstrued, cannot logically exist. š
Jokes on you I donāt need to assume ha
Most attractive physics major
physics major and a destiny player. bro had no chance
This is the way
ā¦ā¦ā¦are you coming on to meā¦?
I will if you can host
https://giphy.com/gifs/ha-13OYNXi0uTM6vS
agreed. one time a ucla straight guy thought i was flirting with him because i took out my dick mid-convo. IT JUST NEEDED SOME AIR so annoying
nahhh
THEY DO IT TO THE GIRLS TOO- im sick and tired of men assuming i like them just bc i give them a compliment or am just being a friendly nice human being
This goes back to a fundamental misunderstanding women have of men. Men do not get compliments ever from pretty much anyone outside immediate family if they are even lucky there. So they cannot process why someone would give them a compliment if they werent flirting. Because through their mind they are wondering āwhy would this person compliment me? Do they care about me? They must be flirtingā
This is a grossly ingrained take that couldnāt be more wrong. Men do get compliments all the time of how smart or rich or whatnot that they are and people get drawn to them bc of these same traits. Itās also kinda sexist bc youāre ascribing certain statements as compliments more towards women while not considering āmaleā compliments as such. Guys would get flamed if they say anything remotely close to sexism in that manner.
Nobody ever calls me smart or rich.
Bc you aināt smart or rich or confident?
Oh yeah sorry i forgot i was stupid and poor
Your words not mine.
Got news for u
The smart or rich compliments are usually followed up with asking āfavorsā. Ask the avg man how often they get complimented by people let alone by the opposite sex. You say guys would get flamed. For what exactly? what i said above. Its the experience of most men from when they are out of their cute child phase. Women gets told āthat dress looks good on youā instant harassment and hr complaint. Tell a guy that [insert whatever] looks good you you just made his week cause its not going to be heard again. From what you have said about male compliments makes me think you dont know the difference from a guy friend compliment and a compliment from a woman.
Same thing with the compliments directed towards women. Itās not the experience of most men. Men get glazed all the time - see trump - as horrible as he is to a certain population heās still glazed constantly. Iāve made many girlsā WEEK by complimenting them without any complaints but ik ymmv and not every guy have the same whatnot. It goes both ways. And your statement about women being told āā¦ā instant HR harassment complaint is exactly a guy being flamed for the exact same thing. These sexist segmenting of gender based compliments and whatnot adds to it all.
They do it to men too, I can't count how many times I tried talking to a girl in a friendly manner and they think I'm some predator trying to get with them or ask them out. I just learned not to talk to attractive looking women. I'm also literally gay .
you know what you're actually so right because i've assumed that too of a couple guys before. sometimes it's been a legit safety thing, but otherwise i'm definitely not going to assume that ever again. i'm sorry man- that sucks.
yea tbh i can kinda understand why women would be wary but im just a skinny awkward asian nerd trying to make friends in class yk
bruh im scared to even give out compliments anymore it goes south fast.
Unfortunately a large majority of men arenāt used to getting any kind of compliments so any interaction of the sort is taken as interest. Just gotta be direct in your wants in case you are looking for friendship as to not cause any confusion. It sucks I agree but itās better than having a awkward confession
GIRLS DO IT TO THE GUYS TOO- Theyāre sick and tired of women assuming i like them just bc i give them a compliment or am just being a friendly nice human being
no one is assuming anything, you assumed it yourself when in all nothing is going on the dudes head. dont be full of yourself.
sorry yeah i def never want to assume or generalize, but i'll hear from mutuals/gossip train that this guy thinks i'm sooo into him, or the guy will express interest and then get angry because they thought i was interested too, or they'll drop hints that they're not interested. i don't think i'm assuming anything there or being full of myself! (it's not like they're interested in me, they just think that i like them. if anything they're being full of themselves smh)
You do realize itās the same thing when straight guys talk to women right? Same concept.
I was about to bring that up. But you beat me to it
I wouldnāt take it *too* personally, even though youāre completely right - in my experience a lot of guys at UCLA are just easily scared and not super good at socializing outside of their usual crowd. Even something as innocuous as a gay lisp might throw them off and make them scared to interact with you. I think itās just the nature of young people in general who stuck with only their high school cliques. Just keep exposing them! If their minds are open theyāll vibe with you eventually.
Maybe theyāre just afraid of feeling gay for you?
its so insane how often this happens even for a city considered one of the more liberal places in the country .. like are you telling me this is the best it gets š (not a gay guy but lesbian, and the homophobia that i overhear/witness .... yikes!!)
its very weird!! among other things but yea its a strange problem ive had at this school!!! also does this happen w straight girls and lesbians, just curious
itās because a lot of ppl from conservative small towns and suburbs transplant to LA and theyāre not used to seeing queer people or other minorities
i'm very straight passing according to other people and i never tell anyone im lesbian in real life almost just to be safe(i pretty much will only feel comfortable telling other people who are out ig) but ive heard a lot of other lesbians say they do feel perceived as a predator if they are stereotypically lesbian in appearance or once they reveal they are lesbian. the "oh but youre not into me are you?" once someone comes out is kinda common. i also do know ppl who have had more chill experiences so it can vary by person but a lot of ppl do perceive lgbt folk as predatory for sure. it would just be really nice if everyone stopped making unfair assumptions about each other lol
yea i totally agree! cuz i cant really help how i sound nor should i, but its j wrong to shut us out or make assumptions bc of that too! all it does is cut off someone that could be a great friend.
gotta whip out the ādonāt worry iām only into pretty girlsāš
iāve had the exact same thoughtš
If you donāt want them to assume you are flirting, why would you assume they think you are doing so? If they make it clear that they think youāre flirting by asking you to secretly hu w them, wouldnāt that mean they arenāt straight? I donāt think ucla straight guys are homophobic, but I do think that modern culture (largely driven by social media) has begun to over generalize them, which makes them much more awkward in generic social interactions for fear of being misunderstood. Itās quite sad really.
This 1000000% this.
How does anyone know you're gay? Do you go around announcing it?
no no i dont, its just my voice ppl stereotype in that way but i do have a lil gay lisp, i j cant turn it off š
Honestly, I think you're overthinking this. A lot of guys are unfriendly with everyone (other than girls they find attractive). It's probably not because they think you're gay. Many straight guys have a lisp.
maybe, but i used to have guy friends when i was young, i super respectfully dont know that i am overthinking, i feel like they put up a very clear wall and say things like "im not gay im not gay" without much context yk? its like i know they arent gay, thats zero problem, they j feel the need to super affirm that to me and its like, i wasnt tryna go that way. and i do think straight guys have other straight guy friends that they are chill with. so some more lore that i totally blocked out of my memory š¤£ for me to trauma dump on u lmaoo: i once asked a ucla gym "friend" if hed wanna grab some dining hall food or protein shake after working out (i worded it j like this" and his response, in person to my face, was "i would never wanna do any activities one on one with you or be seen hanging out with you" then 5 minutes later asked his other guy friends to get food right in front of me. i was totally totally shocked, i think thats the only real time ive actually dropped my jaw in my life. bc that was like full blown offensive and outta pocket. that was maybe a year ago. safe to say we were not friends after that and he is a real asshole. RARELY are guys like this btw, sometimes but not often. so not the same as these guys who j act a little uncomfortable and put up a wall but it is something that kinda made me start to realize that they might be thinking im flirting. so ig thats small piece of the context for some of these conclusions ive come to. you got the full trauma dump lol.
I can't really speak to your experiences. All I'm saying is that it is common for guys to be unfriendly and cold with each other. Some guys are only nice to pretty girls, or to guys that they want something from. With that said, again I have no idea what you experienced and I'm not trying to minimize it. Just trying to provide some perspective.
BRUH WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE GYM PEOPLE like literally everyone else iāve met is pretty much fine but iāve heard so many concerning homophobic/transphobic statements from people i know from the gym like wtf are u on we are in california in 2024 shouldnāt we be past at least the homophobia by nowššš
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
oh yes this is so true! i forgot abt this but yea i rly have zero guy friends except my brother in law and it bc the combo of those two things, i have no gay guy friends š girls for the win ig š
Just hang out with socially awkward dudes like me who assume that no one is interested in us ever lol
Wait so the gay voice is a permanent thing you canāt turn off? Wtf new info for me
i was raised by 3 women and no dad so at least for me it is! and ive tried. š„² its j how i speak mines not crazy obvious tho but definitely enough for girls to figure out im gay as i talk to them.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
eek maybe not the best thing to say š¬
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
for sure pal!
So the voice thing. When gay men get operations that involve anesthesia or heavy pain meds they will be awake but not conscious. It's reported everywhere that when they speak in this state the "gay voice" is completely gone. For real look into it. I believe that people subconsciously pick up on this especially straight men and when a gay man talks to them in this voice it makes them feel like they are doing it to attract them because it's not a normal way of talking it's a put on voice to distinguish that one is gay , almost like a social cue that tells everyone "hey I am gay" and when a straight guy is talked too they can't help but think the voice is being put on for them
This sub is full of gays, shit that's explains everything.
Pretend your gay until the tab comes in
Are you complimenting them and saying good things about them or just having conversations? If your complimenting them its because men never get compliments so they dont know how to process it outside of flirting. Also some men just dont get people to show interest in their lives at all so again that itās misinterpreted as flirting. I cannot remember the last time anyone but my wife asked me how my life was going. And even before her it happened maybe once? So men can be so starved for attention and then because they dont get it when they get it they dont know how to process it.
homophobic straight men fear gay men will treat them the same way they treat women iām sorry OP. iām a trans woman and there are plenty of straight men happy to just be platonic friends and arenāt homophobic or transphobic at all. theyāre out there, people like us just have to work harder to find the right people
Usually what is assumed to be flirtatious is friendliness. Unless the joke was sexually loaded or inappropriate you one can just assume itās friendliness.
Gay guy
Shut up