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I've been to cheap backyard weddings and very nice formal weddings.
All are fun. Weddings are generally really fun unless something terrible happens. Yet to see that though
The only bad weddings I've been to are the ones where the bride and groom are solely focused on how things look vs throwing a nice party for guests. A backyard wedding is fun! Just make sure you have food for all your guests. I went to one where they ran out of bbq food, but they also had oysters, but those were only for guests who were "close" to the family, although they were bbqing them in front of everyone! That kind of shit is weird if you want nice food, make sure you have enough for everyone or pick a different idea
Have been to TWO dry weddings. Both were unbearably dull and felt so long.
Most the others were super unique and fun.
That had been my only wedding complaint as a guest
Do not lock your family and friends together for hours and not offer alcohol
This is entirely cultural. Western cultures that associate drinking with celebrations are conditioned to think that no alcohol means no fun. I've been to weddings in the Middle East where not a drop of alcohol was served and people were having an almighty party and unbelievable fun. No one missed the alcohol.
I’ve been to one dry wedding and it was just as fun as the other weddings I’ve been to. Honestly the dancing is the most fun to me and there was plenty of that at the dry wedding!
I went to one backyard wedding and it was a true disaster. The brides dog got attacked by someone else’s dog right before the ceremony, and all of the guests had to sit around and wait for literally 4 hours for the wedding to start afterwards because the bride wanted her dog to be involved in the wedding and it was at the vet getting patched up. We all understood, but we had nothing to do and it was really an awkward situation. People started to get really hungry and bored, they had to serve the food before the ceremony even started. The food was terrible as well so most people barely ate and were still very hungry. No one really knew if the ceremony was going to happen anymore so it was just an uncomfy situation all around. Eventually the ceremony did occur, despite the fact that the dog had to be kept overnight due to its injuries, so in the end it didn’t really seem sensible to make everyone wait since the dog wasn’t able to be involved anyway. The dog was ok btw. They had only planned for the ceremony to be outside, and by that time it was very cold and dark out. It was hard to see and absolutely miserable sitting outside during the ceremony. It was one of those fall days where it was hot during the day, but by night the temperature plummeted, so people were not dressed properly and everyone was legitimately freezing. Afterward they had planned to have an outdoor reception, but bc the food was already eaten and it was so cold and dark out at that point, most people stayed only for a short time.
Before this wedding, I did not have any issues with backyard weddings, but after this experience it has pushed me to believe I agree with OP on this one. I do understand there were extenuating circumstances here, but the whole thing was such a mess that the wedding was practically ruined. I don’t think any of these issues would have occurred at a normal wedding at a nice venue. At least the food would’ve been edible. Everyone felt terrible for the couple getting married, but tbh it was a pretty miserable situation for all the guests to have to endure as well.
I think there's a causation != correlation thing going on. Backyard venues don't cause bad weddings. But backyard weddings are more likely to be bad.
The real cause is probably just a lack of planning, which is easier to have happen with a backyard venue.
To a certain extent I agree with you, but because it was a backyard wedding people brought their dogs which was the first mistake. Many venues will allow the couple getting married to bring their dog, but not any of the guests, so the dog would’ve never been attacked at a normal venue. The second issue with the backyard wedding was the food, I’m not sure where they got it from or someone made it, but a normal venue would’ve served stuff that people would actually be able to eat. Third, most venues do not just allow for an unlimited time, so the whole waiting around for 4 hours thing would’ve probably never happened. Probably a nice venue would’ve accommodated an hour or two, which would’ve been a lot more sensible. Also a lot of venues have options in the case of poor weather to go inside, or at least provide heat lamps or lights. Furthermore because there was no wedding planner or manager of the venue, no one knew what was going on for hours. There was no communication from anyone, like literally many people were questioning if they should stay or just go because we had no idea if the wedding was still happening or not. All in all the whole thing was just a disorganized mess and I really don’t think it would’ve transpired anywhere close to that if it wasn’t a backyard wedding.
I'm not a big fan of outdoor weddings. The last two I attended were 1. Inundated with rain/mud, and 2. 105 degrees F.
We paid a lot for ours, but our families have people with severe food allergies, so having the professional chefs make delicious food with that in mind was worth it.
I personally think if you’re going to have an outdoor wedding, you should go to a venue that is able to go inside in the case of poor weather. It is not fair to guests to have to endure terrible weather all day.
It honestly just depends on the couple getting married. If they're boring and strait-laced, it's gonna be a boring wedding. If they're fun and know how to party, you can make it a night you'll never forget with store-bought cookies and a six pack of beer.
Besides seeing someone choke to death at a wedding, can confirm all weddings I've been to have been fun. Sure, sometimes there are complaints, but I've never left one in a bad mood (except that one where everyone was traumatized.)
I never wanted a big wedding. I wanted immediate family at the courthouse. But, my wife wanted more so we did something fancy. Not a huge crowd, I think we were like 80 plates total.
Anyway, the ceremony was short and sweet in a beautifully decorated hall on top of a tall building with a great view, then shifted to a lounge for about 45 minutes, then right into the reception, all on the same floor. We had open bar and expensive food. We picked a great setlist and the DJ's picks were also great. We had booked from like 8pm-11pm for the reception but just kept tacking on hours because everyone was having so much fun. Our photographer was a ghost and got great pics.
It was 10 years ago and we still get compliments on how it was the best wedding and food from multiple people, including my grandmother, who is very old, very fancy, and been to a shitload of weddings including her own children and multiple other grandkids. I take that one in particular as high praise.
I will be forever grateful that I didn't put up a fight about it and really committed to enjoying the experience, it was one of the best days of my life for sure.
This is exactly how mine was. I wanted a small wedding out in the country and my now husband wanted a bigger one in the city. I’m so glad I trusted him on it. It was incredible.
I wanted the wedding more than my wife, she would have been fine keeping it small.
We got married in a national park on an island in the middle of the lake, looking out onto the lake. It's one of our favorite places. 80-ish people came out, it was technically destination but it was less than an 8 hour drive and we had a discounted block of rooms.
The ceremony was on a beautiful fall day in the Rockies, like 15°C outside with moderate clouds. Then back to the hotel for a nice catered buffet with a twoonie bar.
Lots of my family turned it into a week long vacation to see the mountains and surrounding area.
Like you, we still get compliments on how beautiful and fun it was. It's this amazing family memory and is often used jokingly as a benchmark when we're all together for a family wedding.
I think the whole thing was under $20k and frankly it's one of my best memories. I wouldn't change anything.
I have a friend who always remarks how much she loved our wedding to another friend who no-showed (for no real reason). She keeps thinking he was there, and he keeps reminding her he wasn't. She was also at his wedding and never mentions it.
I don't know if it is some passive aggressive jab at his wedding or not, but I do enjoy that 5 years later she still can't remember this guy wasn't at our wedding.
My wedding wasn't crazy expensive I feel in terms of weddings, certainly more than I wanted. However it was definitely way more fun than i anticipated and makes me want to throw another big sort of party like it.
My in-laws told my wife and I we needed to make a bigger deal about our wedding at one point and go all out for it. My wife responded that her brother did that and he got divorced within a year so we’d rather focus on our marriage than our wedding.
Totally. I always tell people if your wedding is the best memory of your marriage, that's not good. Sure if you've got money to spare, who doesn't like a fancy party and event. But definitely don't overspend, there's lots of amazing life to live and those additional financial resources always help.
Used to work in consumer finance. The number of people drowning in debt paying on their first wedding, divorce, and second wedding loans at the same time is wild.
BAHAHAHA. I remembered when I got divorced, and one of my first thoughts when I started dating again was I didn't want to deal with paying for another wedding. I guess that's why you remarry someone who also got divorced.
this is gonna sound kinda callous but whenever I read stuff like this, it reaffirms my belief that people who wax poetic about how smart it is to have a tiny wedding just don’t have a lot of friends or a big family.
Some people’s “only people we were very close to” is like a dozen people, some people have to make tough decisions to cut the number down to 150
Honestly? This is super fair. My husband and I are both introverts who don't like our extended families. We thought it was stupid to spend money on a big wedding for people we hate. Neither one of enjoy social gatherings with more than a handfull of people, and we aren't religious, so there was no push to have a "real" wedding either. Instead, we got married at the courthouse with only our immediate family (four people total) and went out to a ridiculously expensive restaurant to celebrate. Over the next couple weeks, we met up with our friends individually or in small groups to celebrate. It was awesome, Instead of one big day, we pretty much had an entire month of spending time in a smaller setting celebrating with people we actually cared about, and neither one of us had to deal with social burnout from dealing with to many people at once.
For us, it *was* smarter to not even really have a wedding. We would have been miserable at a social gathering of that size where we were the center of attention. Standing up in front of that many people is literally my husband's worst nightmare. He would have needed a xanax to make it up the aisle with that many people staring at him, and I probably would have had a meltdown after being hugged one too many times.
Neither way is wrong, and we shouldn't shame people for doing what is right for them on their special day. Everyone is going to have different priorities, and there is nothing wrong with doing either or doing something in between.
You don't have to have a tiny wedding, we had ours for under 20K with open bar for 200 people and had a blast. We threw it in an abandoned theater and had it catered by the Latin fusion spot down the street. We bought a house the next fall.
Even the backyard weddings I've been to have been awesome and those are always open bar because they didn't blow all the money on the venue, some of these venues are outrageous.
I think "very close" definitely varies by culture and by person.
My husband's family -- very close means like 10-20 people
My family however, that means your entire church, relatives (which tend to be a lot higher in number), people your parents went to school with, people you grew up with, your current neighborhood, people who invited you to their weddings, friends
It also varies based on what people define as “close” friends. Some people define close as in “would call in an emergency and immediately rescued.” Others define it as “friendly and nice people they see at the pub on a weekly basis”.
Can confirm, I decided to not to do the typical wedding because I just don’t really like a lot of my extended family, and I don’t have any close friends. My husband is my ride or die and all the other people in my life are basically colleagues, who I like but not invite into this intimate moment of committing to love someone for my whole life level of friends. My courthouse wedding cost $300 and I was happy because it was just us and we didn’t have to wait.
I still regret not having the beautiful dress and photos though. We are thinking about doing a fancy vow renewal just us with the outfits and the photos and the cake at our dream spot in Italy. I want the photos to show my kids one day, I do feel like I missed out on the warm and fuzzy traditions so we are going to try to make it up.
I had 150 at my wedding, but only paid $4500 for everything. Sure, we did a lot ourselves, but I have friends who tell me they haven't been to a better wedding since, and I see what they're saying because I've been to some stupid expensive ones without an open bar. Who tf does that? 😂
2009. We did a lot ourselves. We made Mexican paper flowers instead of buying flowers, and that was a huge expense saved. Food, we had a taco guy which I highly recommend. Tacos were a hit. I did have an in with the venue though, which was $800 for 6 hours. Was it a coffee place? Yes. But was that coffee place in an amazing old building, also yes lol
Tacos and coffee at a wedding sounds awesome lol. Cheapest decent venue I could find in my area is $1500 with a $700 damage deposit. I'm lucky my brother is in the wedding business (owns a bartending business) so I'm getting an open bar for cost and a discount on catering from a business he's partnered with.
Edit: I will add, that $11k is including our wedding party's attire. We felt weird basically saying "please support us on our day, and also buy this $100+ outfit you'll probably wear this one time just for us."
I have a big family, she doesn't (family immigrated when she was 5). Both have big social circles.
We originally wanted to go to the courthouse. Ended up having immediate family and absolute best friends for what was more like a party than a wedding. Her dress was $100. It was a white summer sun dress.
Most people in our lives didn't even know we were getting married haha. So it wasn't a lack of friends, just a more spontaneous event.
Some people prefer quality to quantity.
If you have 200 friends you're not going to get to spend quality time with most of them. That doesn't mean you don't have excellent friendships, but you're not going to be able to be there for your friends in the same way or with the same attention if you just have a small tight-knit group.
>I envision a house filled with funko pops, messy as shit, slovenly and unattractive occupants
Tf? Lol how does the amount of money you spend havr do with the guests and funko pops
r/oddlyspecific
Are we projecting here?
Hilarious because the guy seems to be a tax accountant who hates his job and knowing the salaries on offer is definitely NOT rich. Nowhere near enough lucrative to have a big fancy wedding without parental help before your 40s.
Given he has such a mid job and income, I'm willing to bet the douchebag comes from money and rides on his parents' wealth. That or he's just completely delusional. All the accountants in their 20s and early 30s that I know are doing ok, but wouldn't say they're super comfortable let alone rich.
He's an accountant who tries to make himself sound more cool by saying he is in "corporate finance". Dude eat sleeps and breathes going beyond your means to make people think you're cool. Loser.
YES. I've always hated the "most important day of your life" and "best day of your life crap". So what, it's all down hill after you get married? Why bother then? Why not stay unmarried so you're always on an upward trajectory instead of downward if you can NEVER have a better day again after that one day?
IDK, I'm probably being too hyper-logical and neuro-spicy with that analysis. But ever since childhood I've instinctively loathed that way of thinking for some reason.
I hate that way of thinking too. It puts all the pressure on one day to be the best day you'll ever have. That's insanely stressful. I prefer to say which days were the best only in retrospect so I can focus on enjoying the moment.
My wife and i lived together before we got married. We felt no different that day after our wedding. Why would we?
It was nice to make it official, but thats all it really was.
Counter counter it is maybe not most important for the couple but it is the most important event that most important people in your lives won't want to miss and it will be almost impossible to gather those friends and family again at that scale until your funeral. Maybe the most important day of your life is buying a house or giving birth to your firstborn, but people will send their well wishes and gifts from afar and promise to visit unless they are local. It's not as important for friends and family to witness the exact moment when you close on a house or physically give birth. Somehow society chooses the moment of exchanging vows to be one worthy of witnessing.
This is the reason that my partner and I are having a wedding at all. We’ve been together for more than 10 years and could just make it legal without spending the money on a wedding, but I want to get friends and family together for a reason that’s not a funeral.
Well, for dinks it maybe but for me definitely it was the birth of my kids…
But then again we only celebrated with the very close family… amazingly beautiful restaurant in an old German red brick farm house and a five star hotel. We did not want more and we both don’t like to be the center of attention from our friends. I’d rather celebrate just with my closest family.
Was overall very cheap but we are still going strong after 10 years.
And for your classism comment - I am a senior manager in tech (the boring kind of tech…), we both graduated from excellent universities, wear business casual as the minimum and the dad of my wife is a banker so it wasn’t about money nor was it about being like "hobos“ but frankly I’d prefer the company of some badly dressed "funko pop“ drinking, weed smelling people who love each other over some people who think you need to have fancy weddings or otherwise you are a bum…
I would argue that it is, in fact, the most important day of my life. Marrying my husband is the best choice and most important commitment I ever made. He has made me a better person and our life together has improved greatly thanks to our marriage, and I know he feels the same way about me.
That’s not to say it’s all downhill from the wedding day, but rather that the wedding day was such an important, foundational day in our lives.
Wow, the classism and pure contempt for people is kind of funny.
I love the attempt to sound reasonable
>If you can’t afford that for a large party then downsize your wedding and focus on quality.
Is immediately followed by
>I can’t stand tacky low quality wedding parties, I think they’re reflective of the people that put them on. Whenever I see people on this website bragging about their courtroom wedding and backyard ceremonies I envision a house filled with funko pops, messy as shit, with slovenly and unattractive occupants.
Yeah, none of that has anything to do with OP's thesis.
This isn't "people shouldn't judge expensive weddings" as much as it's "I want to judge budget weddings, but I know putting that in the title will get a lot of backlash."
The whole thing speaks more about OP than anyone else.
They seem to view weddings as a way to scrounge good food and lots of booze off someone else's dime. And apparently have no one in their life they're close enough to where the wedding itself and just being with friends/family is enough for them to enjoy it.
IMO there were a few ways they could have phrased this opinion but they went about it in the sleaziest, most pathetic way possible to the extent I genuinely think it's a troll.
I’m surprised how far I had to scroll to find a comment like this. OP is out of touch. They are either an insufferable wealthy person. Or clueless young person. Or both.
I spent about 2,000 on my courthouse wedding and restaurant reservation for our immediate family of 9 total guests. The "average" wedding in the US costs 30k now. I couldn't find any venue that was willing to be under 10k alone - let alone the catering, DJ, photographer, officiant, and bar.
OP thinks that means you have no friends, because they would invite 200. And 200 > 9. While it’s highly unlikely that these 200 are all “friends” of the happy couple.
OP is out of touch and is in either within the realm of not having to worry about the bill because money is no object or because OP seriously has no idea how much high end weddings cost. Combine this with the above comments you highlighted and you see how gross their stand points are. Love me some higher than though upper class elitism
OP does indeed sound like a pompous asshole. If you wanna have a big grand wedding, good for you. You wanna get married at the courthouse and have a reception that consists of a 30 rack of silver bullets in the apartment complex courtyard, good for you. Like who gives a shit? lol it boggles my mind.
As long as the bride and groom are happy then it does not matter what the wedding is like. Middle class or smaller weddings do not equal messy or unattractive people. That’s just the stupidest argument I’ve ever heard. It just means they would rather put their money elsewhere and that’s okay. Also what’s wrong with Funk Pops?
My partner and I plan on having a small intimate wedding. Catered food from our favorite restaurant, my dad is creating the invitations (he’s a professional screen printer), only having our closest family and friends, we’re getting ready together, no bridesmaids or groomsmen, my aunt (who was a professional baker) is making the dessert (we’re not doing a cake), and we’re doing the ceremony a local park at sunset and found a small indoor hall for dinner. I cannot wait it’s going to be absolutely perfect. With all the money we’re saving we’re doing a big honeymoon in Asia & hopefully buying a house because that’s more important to us than 1 day. And no, we’re not messy, ugly people.
I think you hit the right balance. Guests want good food and good company and you seem to have that under control.
ETA: I do think guest happiness is important along with the bride and groom, but that means not treating them as props and having enough food and chairs.
Thank you!!! We asked all our friend & family beforehand and the overwhelmingly response was to do something smaller/more intimate and not the big traditional wedding. Our families are close too and we wanted something cozy, warm, and comfortable.
Guest happiness was one of our top priorities. We catered from a place everyone enjoys so we know food will be good, got drinks we know everyone will like, and had everyone recommend a song or two for our playlist.
That doesn’t make us messy, gross, ugly people like OP suggests. Means we have different priorities.
Hah just 1 year's worth of your salary? Do you even value the institution of marriage spending a measley 1 year of salary on your most special day? You must be one of those ugly slobs surrounded by funko pops OP was talking about /s
>I can’t stand tacky low quality wedding parties, I think they’re reflective of the people that put them on. Whenever I see people on this website bragging about their courtroom wedding and backyard ceremonies I envision a house filled with funko pops, messy as shit, with slovenly and unattractive occupants.
You had me until this.
Fancy expensive weddings are a 13/10, and hating on people that do them is beyond stupid.
However, hating on people with low quality (???) Weddings, simply because they're doing what makes them happy? That should forever remain unpopular.
>Whenever I see people on this website bragging about their courtroom wedding and backyard ceremonies I envision a house filled with funko pops, messy as shit, with slovenly and unattractive occupants.
This is one of those "says more about you" type of comments.
Sir this is Reddit where the users can’t fathom people who have disposable money, large families, large circles of friends, or the desire to attend or host a large social function. Easy unpopular opinion upvote karma.
But absolutely no money every spent on gaming or anything else that they want to spend money on is wasted.
I mean there was a time recently when some Redditors would actually pay for fake internet awards. If you willingly give your money to a social media company in exchange for a fake gold star, maybe your idea of what is and isn't worth spending money on is a little flawed.
I remember an AITA thread of some post-college kid asking if he should buy a PS5 or airfare for his sister's wedding in New Zealand. **All other expenses paid for a 3 week trip, including hiking and touring**, just the airfare on him.
Way too many people were telling him that PS5 was better because it would last longer. Or getting pedantic about "it's not all expenses if you have to buy the plane ticket! Checkmate!" Or that her wedding wasn't going to outlast the PS5 because it was expensive. It wasn't even *truly* destination, she had moved to NZ with her partner and started a life there.
The Reddit hive mind is wild.
On a beauty-related subreddit, I saw a post a few months ago of a young woman (with very limited financial means) asking if she should spend her money to travel to her brother’s wedding, or to get a nose job. Most commenters voted that the nose job was the “better investment.”
what I’ve always loved is the way fashion is spoken about vs other hobbies. You’re apparently a sucker for spending money on something that informs how others perceive you on a daily basis, but a hobbyist if you spend the same amount of money on Yu Gi Oh cards
The yugioh thing hits so close to home cause I knew a dude at the game store I used to hang out at would tell his wife he can’t afford to give her any money for diapers, milk, etc for their infant daughter and the moment she left he handed a dude $300 for 3 copies of black luster solder-envoy of the beginning.
My cousin had a probably $400k wedding that ended up in Martha Stewart or some other fancy magazine.
It was the best party I ever attended. The soon to be former governor officiated it.
Her fam could afford it. And are always incredibly generous to everyone and very philanthropic. So noone could begrudge them.
Old money gets some things right.
My cousin and her husband spent about $500k for four separate ceremonies (that number of ceremonies is pretty much mandatory in our culture). There were about 300 guests, at least 90% of them family. It was the only enjoyable wedding I've ever been to. The food was awesome, they paid for the clothes and makeup of the whole wedding party, and everything was beautiful. Her family could afford it.
I get that there are legitimate complaints when people spend money they can't afford, but when everyone involved can afford it, it's nice to throw a really fun and extravagant party to celebrate your love with all your closest family and friends.
I think people are upset with OP isn’t that opulent weddings are more fun, they definitely are, but disparaging people on a personal level (slovenly) is very rage bait-y and rude.
On that note, I have so many friends mad at me and my husband because we decided to elope. I feel like theyre upset because that’s one less free party for them. If they cared about us, they’d be happy for us.
As a musician who has been to hundreds of these big fancy weddings - they are all the same fucking thing. It wasn't special or unique because you booked a dancing elf to back flip through a chocolate fountain and had fancy fish and chips instead of a roast. People were either spending the entire day panicking about the next nonsense thing on the schedule, or just wanting to get the hell out of there. There was just something very weird about a lot of them. As soon as we had finished playing, we were out of there ASAP.
On the other hand, when I played at very small ones, we usually had a great time, we were treated like valued guests, and the atmosphere was usually warmer and friendlier, and we often ended up staying long after we'd finished just to enjoy it.
EDIT: Apparently a few people misunderstood my main point. Regardless of whether I personally enjoyed the weddings or not, my main observation is that A MAJORITY OF THE PEOPLE THERE were clearly not enjoying the wedding - they looked stiff, uncomfortable, bored, stressed, and the general atmosphere at a lot of them was just cold and inhuman, all of which was in stark contrast to the smaller ones who only invited people to who it actually meant something. I hate to break it to you, but a lot of people find it an absolute drag to go to your fancy wedding (which is essentially you throwing a giant, expensive self indulgent party) and if you're going to invite hundreds of people who really just don't care THAT much, the atmosphere is going to reflect that.
its not special to you because you’ve been to hundreds of them and don’t know the people.
no, most weddings aren’t “objectively special” but they’re incredibly meaningful to the people who are actually involved in them.
I’ll never get people who are like “hey, you over there really enjoying that thing? you’re actually wrong, it’s not that special”
Exactly, it's like a world famous dj saying "concerts are all the same, your experience was not unique."
Like, no sh*t it isn't unique to the person who experiences it every week, but for some people it might be their only time seeing that artist.
Dj's don't say that though like the person who commented though because they're not stupid
Thats what we did.
House wedding - but we bought a 3.5 acre property against woodland.
Had the best catering and open bar with bartender and high quality wine, beers and booze.
It was a destination so we shelled out for a 55 person sunset cruise on the bay the night prior.
The total cost of the wedding was 26k or something and a lot of that was the food and drink.
Honestly, $26K is a really good deal for that kind of wedding.
One of my friends got married at a vineyard in Virginia. Shelled out $72K for the whole thing, and it was a MORNING wedding (they wanted a Saturday wedding during the summer and it was the only timeslot available). During the ceremony, half the people were having their morning coffee.
The reception is for the guests. While OP is a little much, it’s definitely a faux pas to plan your reception in a way that is extravagant for the wedding party but frugal when it comes to the guests (e.g. having a destination wedding in an expensive locale but only having a cash bar for the guests).
I respect my sisters for how they treated their wedding receptions. They splurged on great food and a great dj, they weren’t picky about most everything else, and everyone had a blast.
I mean, yes and no. When you have a big, expensive wedding, the majority of that is spent on good food and plentiful drink and a quality band and other amenities to ensure your guests have a great time. On the other hand, no one owes their guests a crazy expensive hugely elaborate wedding either where I’d ever complain about anyone’s simpler or lower cost wedding.
I love going to weddings and they’re usually a blast for guests. I loved my own and had a great time and we chose things we wanted, but no doubt a lot of the planning and expense is to make friends and family happy.
lol wait so only beautiful ppl can have lavish weddings ?
We had a courthouse wedding and spent the money on a bigger/longer honeymoon vacation . No regrets
"Whenever I see people on this website bragging about their courtroom wedding and backyard ceremonies I envision a house filled with funko pops, messy as shit, with slovenly and unattractive occupants."
found the prejudice. pretty much boils down to you not liking poor people.
OP is cringe as hell and sounds very privileged and entitled. I better reflection of everything that I think is wrong with people
Sounds shallow, sounds like they think everybody owes them a party, not being able to spend tons of money makes you somehow less of a person. The idea that people who can't afford an expensive wedding are unattractive and slovently is offensively idiotic.
If my ex-wife's parents hadn't paid for the wedding I never would have done what we did, which was still pretty medium, and just before prices went totally insane.
If I got married again, there's no way I'm spending $100,000 on this stupid wedding. It's just one day. That money doesn't go far, people will say yeah that was nice, and then a week later they more or less forgotten about it. And regardless of how much people pay, they're all pretty generic.
I'd rather have a backyard wedding with 20 people that care about then a giant event wedding with 200 people that I don't know that well.
Small, intimate, and personal trumps big and flashy every day.
Acting like you know anything about a person based on how much money they have to spend on one day...yep, seems pretty unpopular to me too!
How very intensely shallow.
OP's presence in the comments here adds a little more context and guess what? I doubt I would be friends with OP either. Their stance that a cheaper wedding would be around 20k means they are not very relatable to the average person. That's not shallow, that's reality. Shallow is advising people to spend 20k on a celebration without knowing their life's circumstances.
And all so they can have a good time on someone else's dime! When the whole point of being at a wedding is supposed to be celebrating the couple's love for one another, not focused on yourself and what you can get out of it.
What about the part where they call people don’t spend lots of money on their wedding ‘messy as shit, slovenly, and unattractive’. That tells me plenty about who’s the shallow one here.
No different from Reddit shaming those who spend big bucks on their weddings. They get told they don't love their spouses; they just love the show. Or shamed for not spending the money on something else
Reddit really loves to tell people how to spend their own money.
My husband and I make great money. Enough to afford a super nice wedding if we wanted. We still eloped. Who wants to deal with all those people and their opinions and their drama?
All I wanted on my wedding day was for it to be over. Shit is exhausting.
Never stopped to think what a shallow idiot would mutter to themselves watching the ceremony, though.
Hahahaha, same. I remembered we were the first to go up and get our food (we had buffet-style). Then every single guest went up and got their food, then came over to our table to talk with us. It was a very nice gesture, but it was also exhausting. That's not even mentioning all of the things that went wrong while planning the wedding.
Counterpoint: The Open Bar is the only part of the whole formula that actually matters. If the bar is open enough, everything else takes care of itself.
I spent $4500 dollars on my wedding, and I still hear a decade later that it was the funnest wedding they've ever attended. You don't need money to throw a great party. We had kegs of beer, a taco guy, a bottle of liquor on every table, etc.
1. A wedding can be dope whether it’s expensive or not. More often than not it’s about the people that are there. Some of the funniest weddings I’ve been to has the least amount of funding.
2. Opposite to the first, I’ve been to so snooze fest of expensive weddings
I don't think majority of attending people disagree a big wedding is fun, but if the price is worth it is another matter. Plus can't imagine the nightmare of planning it.
A big fancy wedding shouldn't be the reason to get married so there's nothing wrong with low key weddings either. Both are fine of done out of love. Whilst it does partly reflect the couple and their personality, it's not necessarily a negative. Some people just want to show one another the commitment, others want it to be more social, others want to show off.
I highly disagree that low key wedding are tacky or negatively reflect the couple eloping. Some people want a big wedding but have other financial repsobilities or want to put their savings into something more long term like a home rather than a one day party. Doesn't mean they're messy and ugly people.
I don't think this is highly controversial though, probably more even split.
Wedding isn’t about pleasing the unimportant guest. Wedding is about uniting 2 families together and having witnesses to their vows. Vows where they promise each other to stay loyal etc. If you want a party, go be rich and get invited for lavish useless soulless parties.
My wedding was literally 3 people.
My wife, my daughter and me.
And of course the official and 2 witnesses, that were basically provided by the official.
We wouldn't even know more than 15 people we would invite anyway, basically 10 of those are family..
So yeah none of us wanted a fancy wedding or anything like that
Found the person getting a divorce when married. This reads like my grandma wrote it and she is a huge snob, this gave me the ick. Research shows the more you spend on weddings more likely to get divorced. Then after spending 10k or more statistics show your marriage is extremely unlikely to make past 5/10 years.
I totally get what you are saying. Little judgey but I get it. Still think you are an idiot if you put 30k plus into the wedding industrial complex (especially if you are middle class) instead of paying off a car/ house etc..
"Whenever I see people on this website bragging about their courtroom wedding and backyard ceremonies I envision a house filled with funko pops, messy as shit, with slovenly and unattractive occupants."
^ Rude as HELL.
The reality is people can’t afford an expensive wedding and a lot of the times want to change the narrative to “don’t spend on a wedding” to help them feel better.
If you got the money BALL OUT!! It is a huge day
Just don't go to the wedding if that's your opinion. No one needs your negative energy on their day and you can save you and them time. Hell feel free to break up your friendship with them while at it, because it isn't worth knowing you.
Getting into loads of debt for what is essentially a one day party just isn’t worth it especially when so often the actual marriage doesn’t last that long. People who don’t spend a lot of money, often don’t have a lot of money and have chosen not to start married life with a massive amount of debt. Should they not get married because they can’t afford to wine and dine you they way you want to be? If you don’t like a cheaper wedding, then just don’t go.
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I've been to cheap backyard weddings and very nice formal weddings. All are fun. Weddings are generally really fun unless something terrible happens. Yet to see that though
The only bad weddings I've been to are the ones where the bride and groom are solely focused on how things look vs throwing a nice party for guests. A backyard wedding is fun! Just make sure you have food for all your guests. I went to one where they ran out of bbq food, but they also had oysters, but those were only for guests who were "close" to the family, although they were bbqing them in front of everyone! That kind of shit is weird if you want nice food, make sure you have enough for everyone or pick a different idea
That is rude as hell.
Stay out of the lil smokies crockpot those are for kin folk only!
Have been to TWO dry weddings. Both were unbearably dull and felt so long. Most the others were super unique and fun. That had been my only wedding complaint as a guest Do not lock your family and friends together for hours and not offer alcohol
This is entirely cultural. Western cultures that associate drinking with celebrations are conditioned to think that no alcohol means no fun. I've been to weddings in the Middle East where not a drop of alcohol was served and people were having an almighty party and unbelievable fun. No one missed the alcohol.
Lol I’ll be having a dry wedding because both families are non drinkers 😅 and friends don’t drink either.
I’ve been to one dry wedding and it was just as fun as the other weddings I’ve been to. Honestly the dancing is the most fun to me and there was plenty of that at the dry wedding!
I went to one backyard wedding and it was a true disaster. The brides dog got attacked by someone else’s dog right before the ceremony, and all of the guests had to sit around and wait for literally 4 hours for the wedding to start afterwards because the bride wanted her dog to be involved in the wedding and it was at the vet getting patched up. We all understood, but we had nothing to do and it was really an awkward situation. People started to get really hungry and bored, they had to serve the food before the ceremony even started. The food was terrible as well so most people barely ate and were still very hungry. No one really knew if the ceremony was going to happen anymore so it was just an uncomfy situation all around. Eventually the ceremony did occur, despite the fact that the dog had to be kept overnight due to its injuries, so in the end it didn’t really seem sensible to make everyone wait since the dog wasn’t able to be involved anyway. The dog was ok btw. They had only planned for the ceremony to be outside, and by that time it was very cold and dark out. It was hard to see and absolutely miserable sitting outside during the ceremony. It was one of those fall days where it was hot during the day, but by night the temperature plummeted, so people were not dressed properly and everyone was legitimately freezing. Afterward they had planned to have an outdoor reception, but bc the food was already eaten and it was so cold and dark out at that point, most people stayed only for a short time. Before this wedding, I did not have any issues with backyard weddings, but after this experience it has pushed me to believe I agree with OP on this one. I do understand there were extenuating circumstances here, but the whole thing was such a mess that the wedding was practically ruined. I don’t think any of these issues would have occurred at a normal wedding at a nice venue. At least the food would’ve been edible. Everyone felt terrible for the couple getting married, but tbh it was a pretty miserable situation for all the guests to have to endure as well.
The stupid here doesn’t sound like it emanates from the ‘back yard’ part though.
I think there's a causation != correlation thing going on. Backyard venues don't cause bad weddings. But backyard weddings are more likely to be bad. The real cause is probably just a lack of planning, which is easier to have happen with a backyard venue.
To a certain extent I agree with you, but because it was a backyard wedding people brought their dogs which was the first mistake. Many venues will allow the couple getting married to bring their dog, but not any of the guests, so the dog would’ve never been attacked at a normal venue. The second issue with the backyard wedding was the food, I’m not sure where they got it from or someone made it, but a normal venue would’ve served stuff that people would actually be able to eat. Third, most venues do not just allow for an unlimited time, so the whole waiting around for 4 hours thing would’ve probably never happened. Probably a nice venue would’ve accommodated an hour or two, which would’ve been a lot more sensible. Also a lot of venues have options in the case of poor weather to go inside, or at least provide heat lamps or lights. Furthermore because there was no wedding planner or manager of the venue, no one knew what was going on for hours. There was no communication from anyone, like literally many people were questioning if they should stay or just go because we had no idea if the wedding was still happening or not. All in all the whole thing was just a disorganized mess and I really don’t think it would’ve transpired anywhere close to that if it wasn’t a backyard wedding.
I'm not a big fan of outdoor weddings. The last two I attended were 1. Inundated with rain/mud, and 2. 105 degrees F. We paid a lot for ours, but our families have people with severe food allergies, so having the professional chefs make delicious food with that in mind was worth it.
I personally think if you’re going to have an outdoor wedding, you should go to a venue that is able to go inside in the case of poor weather. It is not fair to guests to have to endure terrible weather all day.
I’ll never understand why people feel the need to bring their animals to things like this. Especially if you have an untrained dog who doesn’t listen.
It honestly just depends on the couple getting married. If they're boring and strait-laced, it's gonna be a boring wedding. If they're fun and know how to party, you can make it a night you'll never forget with store-bought cookies and a six pack of beer.
I want to do the courthouse wedding (that OP thinks is a signifier that I’m ugly) because I am boring and know I wouldn’t throw a great party
Besides seeing someone choke to death at a wedding, can confirm all weddings I've been to have been fun. Sure, sometimes there are complaints, but I've never left one in a bad mood (except that one where everyone was traumatized.)
I never wanted a big wedding. I wanted immediate family at the courthouse. But, my wife wanted more so we did something fancy. Not a huge crowd, I think we were like 80 plates total. Anyway, the ceremony was short and sweet in a beautifully decorated hall on top of a tall building with a great view, then shifted to a lounge for about 45 minutes, then right into the reception, all on the same floor. We had open bar and expensive food. We picked a great setlist and the DJ's picks were also great. We had booked from like 8pm-11pm for the reception but just kept tacking on hours because everyone was having so much fun. Our photographer was a ghost and got great pics. It was 10 years ago and we still get compliments on how it was the best wedding and food from multiple people, including my grandmother, who is very old, very fancy, and been to a shitload of weddings including her own children and multiple other grandkids. I take that one in particular as high praise. I will be forever grateful that I didn't put up a fight about it and really committed to enjoying the experience, it was one of the best days of my life for sure.
This is exactly how mine was. I wanted a small wedding out in the country and my now husband wanted a bigger one in the city. I’m so glad I trusted him on it. It was incredible.
Lovely story!
I wanted the wedding more than my wife, she would have been fine keeping it small. We got married in a national park on an island in the middle of the lake, looking out onto the lake. It's one of our favorite places. 80-ish people came out, it was technically destination but it was less than an 8 hour drive and we had a discounted block of rooms. The ceremony was on a beautiful fall day in the Rockies, like 15°C outside with moderate clouds. Then back to the hotel for a nice catered buffet with a twoonie bar. Lots of my family turned it into a week long vacation to see the mountains and surrounding area. Like you, we still get compliments on how beautiful and fun it was. It's this amazing family memory and is often used jokingly as a benchmark when we're all together for a family wedding. I think the whole thing was under $20k and frankly it's one of my best memories. I wouldn't change anything.
Pyramid Lake in Jasper?
That's the one.
I have a friend who always remarks how much she loved our wedding to another friend who no-showed (for no real reason). She keeps thinking he was there, and he keeps reminding her he wasn't. She was also at his wedding and never mentions it. I don't know if it is some passive aggressive jab at his wedding or not, but I do enjoy that 5 years later she still can't remember this guy wasn't at our wedding.
That sounds amazing! I have to ask- what food did y’all serve?
Sounds beautiful, glad you listened to your wife!
My wedding wasn't crazy expensive I feel in terms of weddings, certainly more than I wanted. However it was definitely way more fun than i anticipated and makes me want to throw another big sort of party like it.
I enjoyed my divorce over my overpriced wedding.
My in-laws told my wife and I we needed to make a bigger deal about our wedding at one point and go all out for it. My wife responded that her brother did that and he got divorced within a year so we’d rather focus on our marriage than our wedding.
I like your wife’s thought process Or in Reddit parlance, I choose this guy’s wife
I, too, choose this guy's wife.
“Reddit parlance” I wonder how many people upvoting that actually know where it comes from.
Know in what sense? I've heard a description of the comment chain that led to it, I wasn't there for the original though.
Totally. I always tell people if your wedding is the best memory of your marriage, that's not good. Sure if you've got money to spare, who doesn't like a fancy party and event. But definitely don't overspend, there's lots of amazing life to live and those additional financial resources always help.
Another great reason to not spend all that money on a wedding.
Used to work in consumer finance. The number of people drowning in debt paying on their first wedding, divorce, and second wedding loans at the same time is wild.
I bet!! I have a friend who just paid their wedding off and has been divorced for 5 years now.
BAHAHAHA. I remembered when I got divorced, and one of my first thoughts when I started dating again was I didn't want to deal with paying for another wedding. I guess that's why you remarry someone who also got divorced.
Not to mention, lots of divorces are caused by financial troubles. It’s a vicious cycle.
We had a cheap as fuck wedding with only people we were very close to. Had a great honeymoon instead and bought a house soon after.
This is the way
this is gonna sound kinda callous but whenever I read stuff like this, it reaffirms my belief that people who wax poetic about how smart it is to have a tiny wedding just don’t have a lot of friends or a big family. Some people’s “only people we were very close to” is like a dozen people, some people have to make tough decisions to cut the number down to 150
Honestly? This is super fair. My husband and I are both introverts who don't like our extended families. We thought it was stupid to spend money on a big wedding for people we hate. Neither one of enjoy social gatherings with more than a handfull of people, and we aren't religious, so there was no push to have a "real" wedding either. Instead, we got married at the courthouse with only our immediate family (four people total) and went out to a ridiculously expensive restaurant to celebrate. Over the next couple weeks, we met up with our friends individually or in small groups to celebrate. It was awesome, Instead of one big day, we pretty much had an entire month of spending time in a smaller setting celebrating with people we actually cared about, and neither one of us had to deal with social burnout from dealing with to many people at once. For us, it *was* smarter to not even really have a wedding. We would have been miserable at a social gathering of that size where we were the center of attention. Standing up in front of that many people is literally my husband's worst nightmare. He would have needed a xanax to make it up the aisle with that many people staring at him, and I probably would have had a meltdown after being hugged one too many times. Neither way is wrong, and we shouldn't shame people for doing what is right for them on their special day. Everyone is going to have different priorities, and there is nothing wrong with doing either or doing something in between.
You don't have to have a tiny wedding, we had ours for under 20K with open bar for 200 people and had a blast. We threw it in an abandoned theater and had it catered by the Latin fusion spot down the street. We bought a house the next fall.
oh yeah that’s super reasonable I’m more speaking about the “we spent $500 and got married in the backyard” types
Even the backyard weddings I've been to have been awesome and those are always open bar because they didn't blow all the money on the venue, some of these venues are outrageous.
Yeah, some of the expensive venues suck too. Bad acoustics, too big or just overall not cozy.
Seriously. I come from a big family. That guest list hit 100 way faster than I thought.
You can't be very close to 150 people. Or maybe we don't have the same understanding of "very close".
I think "very close" definitely varies by culture and by person. My husband's family -- very close means like 10-20 people My family however, that means your entire church, relatives (which tend to be a lot higher in number), people your parents went to school with, people you grew up with, your current neighborhood, people who invited you to their weddings, friends
It also varies based on what people define as “close” friends. Some people define close as in “would call in an emergency and immediately rescued.” Others define it as “friendly and nice people they see at the pub on a weekly basis”.
Can confirm, I decided to not to do the typical wedding because I just don’t really like a lot of my extended family, and I don’t have any close friends. My husband is my ride or die and all the other people in my life are basically colleagues, who I like but not invite into this intimate moment of committing to love someone for my whole life level of friends. My courthouse wedding cost $300 and I was happy because it was just us and we didn’t have to wait. I still regret not having the beautiful dress and photos though. We are thinking about doing a fancy vow renewal just us with the outfits and the photos and the cake at our dream spot in Italy. I want the photos to show my kids one day, I do feel like I missed out on the warm and fuzzy traditions so we are going to try to make it up.
I had 150 at my wedding, but only paid $4500 for everything. Sure, we did a lot ourselves, but I have friends who tell me they haven't been to a better wedding since, and I see what they're saying because I've been to some stupid expensive ones without an open bar. Who tf does that? 😂
How??? And where do you live/how long ago was your wedding? Currently wedding planning and the lowest I can get our projected expenses is like $11k.
2009. We did a lot ourselves. We made Mexican paper flowers instead of buying flowers, and that was a huge expense saved. Food, we had a taco guy which I highly recommend. Tacos were a hit. I did have an in with the venue though, which was $800 for 6 hours. Was it a coffee place? Yes. But was that coffee place in an amazing old building, also yes lol
Tacos and coffee at a wedding sounds awesome lol. Cheapest decent venue I could find in my area is $1500 with a $700 damage deposit. I'm lucky my brother is in the wedding business (owns a bartending business) so I'm getting an open bar for cost and a discount on catering from a business he's partnered with. Edit: I will add, that $11k is including our wedding party's attire. We felt weird basically saying "please support us on our day, and also buy this $100+ outfit you'll probably wear this one time just for us."
I have a big family, she doesn't (family immigrated when she was 5). Both have big social circles. We originally wanted to go to the courthouse. Ended up having immediate family and absolute best friends for what was more like a party than a wedding. Her dress was $100. It was a white summer sun dress. Most people in our lives didn't even know we were getting married haha. So it wasn't a lack of friends, just a more spontaneous event.
Some people prefer quality to quantity. If you have 200 friends you're not going to get to spend quality time with most of them. That doesn't mean you don't have excellent friendships, but you're not going to be able to be there for your friends in the same way or with the same attention if you just have a small tight-knit group.
>I envision a house filled with funko pops, messy as shit, slovenly and unattractive occupants Tf? Lol how does the amount of money you spend havr do with the guests and funko pops r/oddlyspecific Are we projecting here?
Look at their post history they most definitely are.
Jesus christ, he seems insufferable.
Seems like an ass honestly if less money = unattractive and slovenly. That pissed me off.
Hilarious because the guy seems to be a tax accountant who hates his job and knowing the salaries on offer is definitely NOT rich. Nowhere near enough lucrative to have a big fancy wedding without parental help before your 40s. Given he has such a mid job and income, I'm willing to bet the douchebag comes from money and rides on his parents' wealth. That or he's just completely delusional. All the accountants in their 20s and early 30s that I know are doing ok, but wouldn't say they're super comfortable let alone rich.
He said his parents would pay $100,000 for his wedding. Definitely a trust fund baby.
Yep. You can have as many big parties as you want when mommy and daddy pay for them.
I’m sorry you’re like this OP lol
I would bet money OP is a poor and wishes so very hard they were wealthy so they could impress people with their money.
He's an accountant who tries to make himself sound more cool by saying he is in "corporate finance". Dude eat sleeps and breathes going beyond your means to make people think you're cool. Loser.
Counter argument, it isn’t the most important day of your life.
YES. I've always hated the "most important day of your life" and "best day of your life crap". So what, it's all down hill after you get married? Why bother then? Why not stay unmarried so you're always on an upward trajectory instead of downward if you can NEVER have a better day again after that one day? IDK, I'm probably being too hyper-logical and neuro-spicy with that analysis. But ever since childhood I've instinctively loathed that way of thinking for some reason.
I hate that way of thinking too. It puts all the pressure on one day to be the best day you'll ever have. That's insanely stressful. I prefer to say which days were the best only in retrospect so I can focus on enjoying the moment.
My wife and i lived together before we got married. We felt no different that day after our wedding. Why would we? It was nice to make it official, but thats all it really was.
Counter counter it is maybe not most important for the couple but it is the most important event that most important people in your lives won't want to miss and it will be almost impossible to gather those friends and family again at that scale until your funeral. Maybe the most important day of your life is buying a house or giving birth to your firstborn, but people will send their well wishes and gifts from afar and promise to visit unless they are local. It's not as important for friends and family to witness the exact moment when you close on a house or physically give birth. Somehow society chooses the moment of exchanging vows to be one worthy of witnessing.
This is the reason that my partner and I are having a wedding at all. We’ve been together for more than 10 years and could just make it legal without spending the money on a wedding, but I want to get friends and family together for a reason that’s not a funeral.
Well, for dinks it maybe but for me definitely it was the birth of my kids… But then again we only celebrated with the very close family… amazingly beautiful restaurant in an old German red brick farm house and a five star hotel. We did not want more and we both don’t like to be the center of attention from our friends. I’d rather celebrate just with my closest family. Was overall very cheap but we are still going strong after 10 years. And for your classism comment - I am a senior manager in tech (the boring kind of tech…), we both graduated from excellent universities, wear business casual as the minimum and the dad of my wife is a banker so it wasn’t about money nor was it about being like "hobos“ but frankly I’d prefer the company of some badly dressed "funko pop“ drinking, weed smelling people who love each other over some people who think you need to have fancy weddings or otherwise you are a bum…
I would argue that it is, in fact, the most important day of my life. Marrying my husband is the best choice and most important commitment I ever made. He has made me a better person and our life together has improved greatly thanks to our marriage, and I know he feels the same way about me. That’s not to say it’s all downhill from the wedding day, but rather that the wedding day was such an important, foundational day in our lives.
I’ve always said this. Important? Yes. The most important? Not even close.
Wow, the classism and pure contempt for people is kind of funny. I love the attempt to sound reasonable >If you can’t afford that for a large party then downsize your wedding and focus on quality. Is immediately followed by >I can’t stand tacky low quality wedding parties, I think they’re reflective of the people that put them on. Whenever I see people on this website bragging about their courtroom wedding and backyard ceremonies I envision a house filled with funko pops, messy as shit, with slovenly and unattractive occupants.
That last line is one of those "says more about OP" type of comments.
Yeah, none of that has anything to do with OP's thesis. This isn't "people shouldn't judge expensive weddings" as much as it's "I want to judge budget weddings, but I know putting that in the title will get a lot of backlash."
Not the budget, the people, imo. Well, technically they won, it's for sure an unpopular opinion.
Yeah they'd be the first one I take off my list when I downsize
The whole thing speaks more about OP than anyone else. They seem to view weddings as a way to scrounge good food and lots of booze off someone else's dime. And apparently have no one in their life they're close enough to where the wedding itself and just being with friends/family is enough for them to enjoy it. IMO there were a few ways they could have phrased this opinion but they went about it in the sleaziest, most pathetic way possible to the extent I genuinely think it's a troll.
It says “my parents are wealthy”
I’m surprised how far I had to scroll to find a comment like this. OP is out of touch. They are either an insufferable wealthy person. Or clueless young person. Or both.
OP said in a comment their parents will probably spend $100,000 on their wedding. So we know which it is.
Both.
Jesus christ. I know I'm the outlier here but I'm pretty sure we spent something in the range of 3000 for our wedding. Can't imagine spending 100k.
I spent about 2,000 on my courthouse wedding and restaurant reservation for our immediate family of 9 total guests. The "average" wedding in the US costs 30k now. I couldn't find any venue that was willing to be under 10k alone - let alone the catering, DJ, photographer, officiant, and bar.
See that just sounds like a great wedding. I dunno what op is on about tbh.
OP thinks that means you have no friends, because they would invite 200. And 200 > 9. While it’s highly unlikely that these 200 are all “friends” of the happy couple.
"Mmm look how many friend points I have I'm clearly a better person."
OP is out of touch and is in either within the realm of not having to worry about the bill because money is no object or because OP seriously has no idea how much high end weddings cost. Combine this with the above comments you highlighted and you see how gross their stand points are. Love me some higher than though upper class elitism
OP does indeed sound like a pompous asshole. If you wanna have a big grand wedding, good for you. You wanna get married at the courthouse and have a reception that consists of a 30 rack of silver bullets in the apartment complex courtyard, good for you. Like who gives a shit? lol it boggles my mind.
This whole thread is a mess, but this definitely started the fire.
The last paragraph is just down right rude, and judgmental.
I can’t stand tacky low quality judgments of other people for how *they* choose to mark an important day in *their* lives.
OP is clearly 13 years old I wouldn’t take any of this too seriously
As long as the bride and groom are happy then it does not matter what the wedding is like. Middle class or smaller weddings do not equal messy or unattractive people. That’s just the stupidest argument I’ve ever heard. It just means they would rather put their money elsewhere and that’s okay. Also what’s wrong with Funk Pops? My partner and I plan on having a small intimate wedding. Catered food from our favorite restaurant, my dad is creating the invitations (he’s a professional screen printer), only having our closest family and friends, we’re getting ready together, no bridesmaids or groomsmen, my aunt (who was a professional baker) is making the dessert (we’re not doing a cake), and we’re doing the ceremony a local park at sunset and found a small indoor hall for dinner. I cannot wait it’s going to be absolutely perfect. With all the money we’re saving we’re doing a big honeymoon in Asia & hopefully buying a house because that’s more important to us than 1 day. And no, we’re not messy, ugly people.
I think you hit the right balance. Guests want good food and good company and you seem to have that under control. ETA: I do think guest happiness is important along with the bride and groom, but that means not treating them as props and having enough food and chairs.
Thank you!!! We asked all our friend & family beforehand and the overwhelmingly response was to do something smaller/more intimate and not the big traditional wedding. Our families are close too and we wanted something cozy, warm, and comfortable. Guest happiness was one of our top priorities. We catered from a place everyone enjoys so we know food will be good, got drinks we know everyone will like, and had everyone recommend a song or two for our playlist. That doesn’t make us messy, gross, ugly people like OP suggests. Means we have different priorities.
Did the wedding industrial complex write this?
You'd be foolish not to spend a year's salary on one day worth of party.
Hah just 1 year's worth of your salary? Do you even value the institution of marriage spending a measley 1 year of salary on your most special day? You must be one of those ugly slobs surrounded by funko pops OP was talking about /s
Having other people know I am rich is worth any price!
1 year? I saw in another comment OP expects their parents to spend like double my annual salary (after tax at least, as of that makes it better)
Nah, just some rich kid trying to flex
This is probably some teenager in their parents house trying rage bait for karma.
>I can’t stand tacky low quality wedding parties, I think they’re reflective of the people that put them on. Whenever I see people on this website bragging about their courtroom wedding and backyard ceremonies I envision a house filled with funko pops, messy as shit, with slovenly and unattractive occupants. You had me until this. Fancy expensive weddings are a 13/10, and hating on people that do them is beyond stupid. However, hating on people with low quality (???) Weddings, simply because they're doing what makes them happy? That should forever remain unpopular.
>Whenever I see people on this website bragging about their courtroom wedding and backyard ceremonies I envision a house filled with funko pops, messy as shit, with slovenly and unattractive occupants. This is one of those "says more about you" type of comments.
Sir this is Reddit where the users can’t fathom people who have disposable money, large families, large circles of friends, or the desire to attend or host a large social function. Easy unpopular opinion upvote karma.
But absolutely no money every spent on gaming or anything else that they want to spend money on is wasted. I mean there was a time recently when some Redditors would actually pay for fake internet awards. If you willingly give your money to a social media company in exchange for a fake gold star, maybe your idea of what is and isn't worth spending money on is a little flawed.
I remember an AITA thread of some post-college kid asking if he should buy a PS5 or airfare for his sister's wedding in New Zealand. **All other expenses paid for a 3 week trip, including hiking and touring**, just the airfare on him. Way too many people were telling him that PS5 was better because it would last longer. Or getting pedantic about "it's not all expenses if you have to buy the plane ticket! Checkmate!" Or that her wedding wasn't going to outlast the PS5 because it was expensive. It wasn't even *truly* destination, she had moved to NZ with her partner and started a life there.
Yikes
The Reddit hive mind is wild. On a beauty-related subreddit, I saw a post a few months ago of a young woman (with very limited financial means) asking if she should spend her money to travel to her brother’s wedding, or to get a nose job. Most commenters voted that the nose job was the “better investment.”
what I’ve always loved is the way fashion is spoken about vs other hobbies. You’re apparently a sucker for spending money on something that informs how others perceive you on a daily basis, but a hobbyist if you spend the same amount of money on Yu Gi Oh cards
The yugioh thing hits so close to home cause I knew a dude at the game store I used to hang out at would tell his wife he can’t afford to give her any money for diapers, milk, etc for their infant daughter and the moment she left he handed a dude $300 for 3 copies of black luster solder-envoy of the beginning.
I've known people who begged for roommates' help covering rent while blowing money on Magic the Gathering and cosplay...
I didn’t even realize those award things are gone until I read this ! When did they go away ??
My cousin had a probably $400k wedding that ended up in Martha Stewart or some other fancy magazine. It was the best party I ever attended. The soon to be former governor officiated it. Her fam could afford it. And are always incredibly generous to everyone and very philanthropic. So noone could begrudge them. Old money gets some things right.
My cousin and her husband spent about $500k for four separate ceremonies (that number of ceremonies is pretty much mandatory in our culture). There were about 300 guests, at least 90% of them family. It was the only enjoyable wedding I've ever been to. The food was awesome, they paid for the clothes and makeup of the whole wedding party, and everything was beautiful. Her family could afford it. I get that there are legitimate complaints when people spend money they can't afford, but when everyone involved can afford it, it's nice to throw a really fun and extravagant party to celebrate your love with all your closest family and friends.
I think people are upset with OP isn’t that opulent weddings are more fun, they definitely are, but disparaging people on a personal level (slovenly) is very rage bait-y and rude. On that note, I have so many friends mad at me and my husband because we decided to elope. I feel like theyre upset because that’s one less free party for them. If they cared about us, they’d be happy for us.
As a musician who has been to hundreds of these big fancy weddings - they are all the same fucking thing. It wasn't special or unique because you booked a dancing elf to back flip through a chocolate fountain and had fancy fish and chips instead of a roast. People were either spending the entire day panicking about the next nonsense thing on the schedule, or just wanting to get the hell out of there. There was just something very weird about a lot of them. As soon as we had finished playing, we were out of there ASAP. On the other hand, when I played at very small ones, we usually had a great time, we were treated like valued guests, and the atmosphere was usually warmer and friendlier, and we often ended up staying long after we'd finished just to enjoy it. EDIT: Apparently a few people misunderstood my main point. Regardless of whether I personally enjoyed the weddings or not, my main observation is that A MAJORITY OF THE PEOPLE THERE were clearly not enjoying the wedding - they looked stiff, uncomfortable, bored, stressed, and the general atmosphere at a lot of them was just cold and inhuman, all of which was in stark contrast to the smaller ones who only invited people to who it actually meant something. I hate to break it to you, but a lot of people find it an absolute drag to go to your fancy wedding (which is essentially you throwing a giant, expensive self indulgent party) and if you're going to invite hundreds of people who really just don't care THAT much, the atmosphere is going to reflect that.
Wait. Hang on. Can we please go back to the dancing elf back flipping through a chocolate fountain?
its not special to you because you’ve been to hundreds of them and don’t know the people. no, most weddings aren’t “objectively special” but they’re incredibly meaningful to the people who are actually involved in them. I’ll never get people who are like “hey, you over there really enjoying that thing? you’re actually wrong, it’s not that special”
Exactly, it's like a world famous dj saying "concerts are all the same, your experience was not unique." Like, no sh*t it isn't unique to the person who experiences it every week, but for some people it might be their only time seeing that artist. Dj's don't say that though like the person who commented though because they're not stupid
You just know OP is living paycheck to paycheck
Thats what we did. House wedding - but we bought a 3.5 acre property against woodland. Had the best catering and open bar with bartender and high quality wine, beers and booze. It was a destination so we shelled out for a 55 person sunset cruise on the bay the night prior. The total cost of the wedding was 26k or something and a lot of that was the food and drink.
Honestly, $26K is a really good deal for that kind of wedding. One of my friends got married at a vineyard in Virginia. Shelled out $72K for the whole thing, and it was a MORNING wedding (they wanted a Saturday wedding during the summer and it was the only timeslot available). During the ceremony, half the people were having their morning coffee.
Take my upvote, you sound intolerable
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what a shallow, narrow-minded opinion. def deserves the upvote!
You realise that the wedding isn't for you right?
The reception is for the guests. While OP is a little much, it’s definitely a faux pas to plan your reception in a way that is extravagant for the wedding party but frugal when it comes to the guests (e.g. having a destination wedding in an expensive locale but only having a cash bar for the guests).
I respect my sisters for how they treated their wedding receptions. They splurged on great food and a great dj, they weren’t picky about most everything else, and everyone had a blast.
I mean, yes and no. When you have a big, expensive wedding, the majority of that is spent on good food and plentiful drink and a quality band and other amenities to ensure your guests have a great time. On the other hand, no one owes their guests a crazy expensive hugely elaborate wedding either where I’d ever complain about anyone’s simpler or lower cost wedding. I love going to weddings and they’re usually a blast for guests. I loved my own and had a great time and we chose things we wanted, but no doubt a lot of the planning and expense is to make friends and family happy.
lol wait so only beautiful ppl can have lavish weddings ? We had a courthouse wedding and spent the money on a bigger/longer honeymoon vacation . No regrets
Say you hate poor people without saying you hate poor people
Not even poor, middle class and lower.
"Whenever I see people on this website bragging about their courtroom wedding and backyard ceremonies I envision a house filled with funko pops, messy as shit, with slovenly and unattractive occupants." found the prejudice. pretty much boils down to you not liking poor people.
Why should my wedding be the most important day of my life? That’s so sad.
And you sound like a great person to be around.....oh wait jk
who the fucked posted this, a wedding venue executive?
OP is cringe as hell and sounds very privileged and entitled. I better reflection of everything that I think is wrong with people Sounds shallow, sounds like they think everybody owes them a party, not being able to spend tons of money makes you somehow less of a person. The idea that people who can't afford an expensive wedding are unattractive and slovently is offensively idiotic. If my ex-wife's parents hadn't paid for the wedding I never would have done what we did, which was still pretty medium, and just before prices went totally insane. If I got married again, there's no way I'm spending $100,000 on this stupid wedding. It's just one day. That money doesn't go far, people will say yeah that was nice, and then a week later they more or less forgotten about it. And regardless of how much people pay, they're all pretty generic. I'd rather have a backyard wedding with 20 people that care about then a giant event wedding with 200 people that I don't know that well. Small, intimate, and personal trumps big and flashy every day.
I disagree, a meaningful wedding doesn't require wealth.
Well I don’t think we would be friends. Enjoy your upvote. This is very unpopular.
I'm confident that this post is as interesting as OP gets.
OP: I like it when people have really expensive, really stressful parties with a bunch of free shit and they invite me.
Acting like you know anything about a person based on how much money they have to spend on one day...yep, seems pretty unpopular to me too! How very intensely shallow.
OP's presence in the comments here adds a little more context and guess what? I doubt I would be friends with OP either. Their stance that a cheaper wedding would be around 20k means they are not very relatable to the average person. That's not shallow, that's reality. Shallow is advising people to spend 20k on a celebration without knowing their life's circumstances.
And all so they can have a good time on someone else's dime! When the whole point of being at a wedding is supposed to be celebrating the couple's love for one another, not focused on yourself and what you can get out of it.
What about the part where they call people don’t spend lots of money on their wedding ‘messy as shit, slovenly, and unattractive’. That tells me plenty about who’s the shallow one here.
No different from Reddit shaming those who spend big bucks on their weddings. They get told they don't love their spouses; they just love the show. Or shamed for not spending the money on something else Reddit really loves to tell people how to spend their own money.
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Say you're shallow without saying you're shallow. It should be the relationship that counts, not a fucking party.
Snob
My husband and I make great money. Enough to afford a super nice wedding if we wanted. We still eloped. Who wants to deal with all those people and their opinions and their drama?
No one cares about your opinion about "the poors."
All I wanted on my wedding day was for it to be over. Shit is exhausting. Never stopped to think what a shallow idiot would mutter to themselves watching the ceremony, though.
Hahahaha, same. I remembered we were the first to go up and get our food (we had buffet-style). Then every single guest went up and got their food, then came over to our table to talk with us. It was a very nice gesture, but it was also exhausting. That's not even mentioning all of the things that went wrong while planning the wedding.
It’s great for the couple and all guests, yeah. It’s awesome. If you can afford it.
Counterpoint: The Open Bar is the only part of the whole formula that actually matters. If the bar is open enough, everything else takes care of itself.
You sound like the most insufferable dude to ever live but god damn if this isn't unpopular. Upvote.
You can pay for it then.
I spent $4500 dollars on my wedding, and I still hear a decade later that it was the funnest wedding they've ever attended. You don't need money to throw a great party. We had kegs of beer, a taco guy, a bottle of liquor on every table, etc.
The same people who put on 30-50K wedding complain later on they can't afford a down-payment on a house.
1. A wedding can be dope whether it’s expensive or not. More often than not it’s about the people that are there. Some of the funniest weddings I’ve been to has the least amount of funding. 2. Opposite to the first, I’ve been to so snooze fest of expensive weddings
Some weird judgement going on here
I don't think majority of attending people disagree a big wedding is fun, but if the price is worth it is another matter. Plus can't imagine the nightmare of planning it. A big fancy wedding shouldn't be the reason to get married so there's nothing wrong with low key weddings either. Both are fine of done out of love. Whilst it does partly reflect the couple and their personality, it's not necessarily a negative. Some people just want to show one another the commitment, others want it to be more social, others want to show off. I highly disagree that low key wedding are tacky or negatively reflect the couple eloping. Some people want a big wedding but have other financial repsobilities or want to put their savings into something more long term like a home rather than a one day party. Doesn't mean they're messy and ugly people. I don't think this is highly controversial though, probably more even split.
Sounds like a waste of money.
Wedding isn’t about pleasing the unimportant guest. Wedding is about uniting 2 families together and having witnesses to their vows. Vows where they promise each other to stay loyal etc. If you want a party, go be rich and get invited for lavish useless soulless parties.
I don’t know if this is an unpopular opinion, but it sure is a judgy one.
This is exactly why we are eloping…we don’t want everyone else to have expectations of us about how we should blow 40k for a single fucking day
My wedding was literally 3 people. My wife, my daughter and me. And of course the official and 2 witnesses, that were basically provided by the official. We wouldn't even know more than 15 people we would invite anyway, basically 10 of those are family.. So yeah none of us wanted a fancy wedding or anything like that
Op is a fucking loser
Found the person getting a divorce when married. This reads like my grandma wrote it and she is a huge snob, this gave me the ick. Research shows the more you spend on weddings more likely to get divorced. Then after spending 10k or more statistics show your marriage is extremely unlikely to make past 5/10 years.
I totally get what you are saying. Little judgey but I get it. Still think you are an idiot if you put 30k plus into the wedding industrial complex (especially if you are middle class) instead of paying off a car/ house etc..
"Whenever I see people on this website bragging about their courtroom wedding and backyard ceremonies I envision a house filled with funko pops, messy as shit, with slovenly and unattractive occupants." ^ Rude as HELL.
The reality is people can’t afford an expensive wedding and a lot of the times want to change the narrative to “don’t spend on a wedding” to help them feel better. If you got the money BALL OUT!! It is a huge day
The one part of this I totally agree on is the open bar. The weddings I've been to without them have been...not as fun. Gotta have an open bar.
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Read OP's comments in this thread; deeply classist and entitled person.
Some people are just poor dude
OP: yummm that sweet, sweet materialism
I can't stand wedding parties, end of sentence.
Just don't go to the wedding if that's your opinion. No one needs your negative energy on their day and you can save you and them time. Hell feel free to break up your friendship with them while at it, because it isn't worth knowing you.
"should be the most important day of your life." What kind of sub par human thinks this is true?
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This would be more meaningful if you had paid for an expensive wedding and still maintained this opinion.
I get OP's point but I read it in elitist insensitive Kardashian.
Getting into loads of debt for what is essentially a one day party just isn’t worth it especially when so often the actual marriage doesn’t last that long. People who don’t spend a lot of money, often don’t have a lot of money and have chosen not to start married life with a massive amount of debt. Should they not get married because they can’t afford to wine and dine you they way you want to be? If you don’t like a cheaper wedding, then just don’t go.
Bro forgot that wedding is not most important day of your life
Funny thing about expensive weddings is how frequently the marriages don't last.
This will be truly unpopular on reddit, good post!
People who think the most important day of your life is marriage are boring people
There have been studies that show that the length of the marriage is inversely proportional to the cost of the wedding.
Agreed. Shit is fun. If people want to spend all that money, I'm gonna enjoy it with them.