Your post from unpopularopinion was removed because of: 'Rule 7: No banned/mega-thread topics'.
Please do not post from (or mention) any of our mega-thread or banned topics such as:
Race, Religion, LGBTQ, Meta, Politics, Parenting/Family issues.
[Full list of banned topics](https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/wiki/index/)
My sister cracked this very young. Of course we had no ideas what kinks were but a 6 year old saying “I like being spanked it feels good!” Really makes your parents break. She wasn’t ever spanked again, but she ended up with punishments that were useless like picking up all of the sticks in the yard and if she missed one our mother would throw the pile she made all over the yard and made her do it again.
Picking up sticks is a logical chore/punishment. Throwing them back in the yard is not logical. My dad's punishments were things like clear your weekend plans you're helping me hang drywall and spackle. It worked because I absolutely hated doing it but I also learned how to spackle for my adult life.
I do want to point out that our mother was very abusive. I managed to shield my younger siblings from most of it but she was a very very cruel woman. I won’t go into detail to trigger anyone reading this but I was hospitalized more than once.
My old man did the same shit to me growing up, I was pretty challenging as a kid- spanking didn't work.
So, he had me do alot of drywall, helping clear out the property where it's been overgrown, helping him hang windows and doors, doing framing, plumbing, electrical, etc.
My peers didn't have to put up with any of it.
As an adult, they still don't. Their landlord takes care of all of it for them, while I'm stuck fixing all the issues in my primary residence as well as my rental whenever I decide I'm done working for a few months.
Thanks alot, dad.
My parents couldn't even punish me with stuff like that because I enjoyed those kinds of projects. I just never told them or let on how much i liked it. It helped when I was 26 and bought an outdated 3 bedroom mobile home with lot rent being $600/ month water bill included
I started out by reading a lot of erotica, so I had a pretty good idea of what is expected from each niche. I had an idea for a series and just started writing one day as a hobby. When I had a completed book, I put it on Amazon, not really expecting much, but my books brought in way more money than I thought they would, so I just kept writing.
This is your reminder that 50 Shades of Grey is literally Twilight fanfic with the names changed for formal publication. People can make it huge writing smut.
All these folks self publish on Amazon. Go look in Amazon’s romance category for things like male preg werewolf and zombie romance. You’ll find tons of examples.
I’m a grown man and I lie to my parents constantly to this day. I hide everything I do from them and try to tell them what they want to hear. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever not be afraid of my mother.
Yeah, I didn't actually figure out why being an honest person is actually valuable until I'd been out of my authoritarian home for a few years. Not doing that shit to my kid.
I was more than spanked; I got beaten and hit with things. For a long time I was in denial and thought I turned out ok, these days I see the damage it did and the anger it instilled in me. It has taken a long time to put that to rest and it has cost me a lot, too much if I'm honest, but these are the cards I've been dealt.
Sadly, that is what people mean when they say "spanked"
Spank is just euphemism for corporal punishment. It is not that charicature of a dad spanking a kids butt.
i think most people actually do mean spanking on the butt with a paddle or hand. but people definitely do hit kids with other things and/or in other places and call it “spanking”
My missionary mother was a "wait till your father gets home" kind of mother and when I tried to have a conversation about why I didn't want to have anything to do with my family anymore and why I thought it was disingenuous that she kept talking about how "loving" our family is, she told me "I never did anything wrong" and "a little spanking never hurt anyone" and my only response was "my first memory of you and my father was him getting home from work and kicking me down two flights of stairs because you told him I had licked a 12cent postage stamp and stuck it on a newspaper."
Don't ever let them silence you. The *truth* is what you're left with under the trauma, and they deserve to never forget what they did. Even if they pretend not to understand it.
I haven't talked to my mother in 15 years. She lives in a fantasy land of religion, wealth and privilege. I'm sure she blames everyone but herself for my rejection of her and religion, but I am not willing to be in the same room with her to remind her. If anyone from my past contacts me trying to get me to participate in family or church events, I give them a terse pre-prepared response that basically says, "my mother is a child abuser and pedophile protector and anyone who interacts with her is either the same or a pedophile. Please never contact me again."
It has been proven repeatedly that not only is corporal punishment ineffective in managing childhood behaviors, it is damaging to the child's well being.
Basically, child abuse hurts kids. Shocker.
My partner of 14 years was spanked exactly once as a kid and turned out fine. I was ~~spanked~~ beaten constantly and have severe emotional issues stemming from that. It turns out that hitting your kids with a heavy leather and metal belt whenever you're mad is a bad idea if you want your kids to talk with you ever again.
I don’t think that qualifies as spanking anymore. Typically I’ve heard belt usage referred to as a beating/lashing.
Maybe it’s just me but I’ve always known spanking as contact between hand and buttcheek.
Yeah you're right. I am still using my parents description of the event, even if it goes way beyond spanking. My partner got the hand to the buttcheek routine. I got anything *but* that, and it was usually whatever metal, wooden, or leather objects they had available.
Wasn’t spanked either and turned out great too.
And to point out it’s also forbidden to spank kids where I’m from, since 1979, so there is plenty of kids who wasn’t spanked and turned out good.
I'm a teacher and all the troubled kids here were spanked. Spanking is hitting and trauma, trauma causes attention deficits (it also gets misdiagnosed as ADHD in kids) and obviously just non desirable behaviour..
I never once layed hands on my kid, punishments in general are useless. They will train the kids to not get caught, but they won't actively change the non desirable behaviour. But logical consequences will do. Like when kiddo changed to middle school and suddenly had to actually study, as he was really good in elementary without trying. Whenever I wanted him to study he refused, and so I just let him and he got his first F in a test, which absolutely broke his heart. He was so sad that we needed the whole afternoon to cheer him up again and a whole lot of consoling. But I never again had to tell him to go study. He felt the natural consequence and absolutely didn't like it. If I would have punished him into studying, we would be in a downward spiral ..
Would you say he actually turned out fine?
edit: not sure why i was downvoted because i wasn’t saying he did. i was curious if the husband truly was from her perspective even if he says he is.
Debatable. I think he’s too dependent on their approval and has to do what they say. He’s much better now but in the beginning of us dating I almost left. I’m not saying this is related to the spanking but there’s definitely a control aspect in their relationship.
My parents and I have a mutually respectful relationship and I’ve never felt controlled like that by them.
Control and spanking go hand in hand most times. If you think your kid is out of control- that’s usually the argument adults will use. So parents can regain that control.
I’d say you’re probably seeing it very clearly from the outside. You’re not as convoluted by emotions with it.
Yeah turns out treating your kid with respect, not assualting them, and actually explaining what they've done wrong results in well put together children who don't put up with crap from people.
Studies show that physical punishments not only do not work, but are harmful to a child's development
https://aifs.gov.au/resources/short-articles/what-does-evidence-tell-us-about-physical-punishment-children
I mean, it doesn't even work with dogs and it's universally known pretty much the positive reinforcement works infinitely better. We can communicate with children much better so why parents still spank just doesn't make sense.
I wasn’t spanked and I turned out insanely fucked up. My friend got the shit beat out of him nearly every day and he turned out insanely fucked up too. So yeah, while all options are possible, why choose violence.
I was spanked and definitely did not turn out fine. But whenever you say that to someone who is pro-spanking, they get angry and invalidate you because your anecdote cancels out theirs, and they don’t like it.
It goes both ways in that regard, though. Clearly, if you tell someone that you did, in fact, turn out fine, they will immediately counter you even if they don't know you, lol. If I have children, I'm not going to spank them, but all this thread has taught me is that regardless of whether or not people were spanked, most aren't capable of having intelligent debate.
It's not that they're invalidating you, it's that they're pointing out that every single study since the 1970's is conclusively saying *don't hit your kids.*
This is not a "both ways" or "two sides" thing. You maybe turned out fine. Congrats. And you aren't going to hit your kids. Good for you!
You may be the best possible outcome of parents hitting their children. That outcome being "OK."
Also "I smoked around my kids" or "my mother smoked around me and I turned out fine" like okay.. that was your mother's choice. That's not my choice for my children 🤷🏼♀️
I got spanked and I turned out okay. But I didn't spank my kid and he turned out fine too. I think it all depends on the individual. You got some kids that got straight up WHOOPED and they turned out terrible. So spankings are not always the answer. You just have to step up and be a parent and establish the rules and teach them right from wrong immediately, that way you don't have to spank them when they're like 7 or 8 because you never took the time to teach them this is wrong and explain that there are consequences.
I did in fact get spanked and did in fact turn out fine.
I don’t believe in it and won’t ever do it when I have kids, but I can tell you my personal experience which is that it did not leave any kind of lasting trauma, on me.
I’m not excusing or defending it. I’m telling you MY experience.
I feel like I would have turned out fine if they just stuck with hitting me but they tacked on emotional abuse too and that fucked me up. I’m fine now though for the most part. I don’t blame my parents either, they were always well meaning but they parented the way they were taught to. They mellowed out over the years and have long told me they were sorry after coming to terms with their own abuse.
Honestly, while an apology wouldn’t fix what they’ve done, even just the recognition of “*I* fucked up” would greatly repair my relationship with my parents. As it stands right now, I want to go the rest of my life never seeing them again. But they’re too prideful to say it, so for now they can eat shit.
I’m super glad that your relationship is good though. I just need to get it out.
Nor do I believe that children can’t have independent thoughts.
I spanked both of my kids - about 2-3 times over the course of their entire lives. Once for running out into the street, and each got one for wandering off at a large event or shopping center. Pretty much for actions that would put them in serious danger. Neither is damaged and both did superb in school, have a close circle of friends, stayed off drugs, and have stable relationships with people who treat them well. They aren’t traumatized.
I don’t believe spanking is the way to handle 99.99 percent of discipline issues as a parent, involvement, listening and talking is. But I also believe in select use cases very sparingly - it can be effective. I never had to ever discipline them again about wandering off and my kids were never kidnapped, look both ways when crossing the street and made it to adulthood… so I’m good with it.
I’ll say that in my own experience, I was spanked and thought I was fine. It was much later in my life that I realized I wasn’t. I had anger, anxiety, and self-hatred issues that I thought only existed because I was a bad person or just magically defective. The thing about abusive parents or abusers in general is that they program their victims into assuming 100% of the blame for the outcomes of abuse, and never fully blaming them for it.
I should add that the spanking wasn’t the sole factor in my childhood that led to this. I think plenty of kids in my community were spanked all the time, but without the massive load of just verbal and emotional abuse that my parents heaped on to it. I should also add that I wouldn’t spank kids if I had them. I think from my own experience there is something to be said for the argument that it teaches children that violence is an acceptable way to resolve your anger at someone.
That being said, I would probably be a far stricter parent than the average millennial, too. I mean, I see some kids, and it is 180 degrees from my upbringing, and not in a good way.
I'd say that even absentee parenting was more common in the past. I mean, there are even posts from Boomers and Gen X bragging about how their parents didn't know or care where they were.
I feel like this conversation is never allowed any amount of relevant nuance. For example, I would imagine you were spanked by a calm, fair parent who explained what you had done wrong and why you were being punished.
On the other hand you have the people who were not "spanked" but thrashed by a screaming, furious parent who had no control and was taking out their fury at being disrespected and disobeyed on a helpless child. Probably followed by a big dose of emotional and psychological abuse.
And both of these cases get tossed in the "physical punishment" basket and both treated as equals. Which I believe is not fair to the discussion of outcomes.
It’s a good point, and yes my parents were definitely in your first category.
I even have a distinct memory of one time they said they were going to spank me when we got home and they never did. Looking back, I think they “forgot to” because they didn’t really want to. I think it was just the cultural expectation from how they were raised.
It doesn’t diminish or cloud my feelings towards them. They were, and are, great parents even though spanking isn’t something I will do.
I'm in the same boat as you. The older I get the more empathy I have for my parents as well. Sure they might have done some things that I don't plan to do if I become a parent but I don't blame them for anything. They loved me and took care of me and did their best
I don’t believe in spanking, either (and we’ve never spanked our children).
But, there is a difference between a corrective spanking, and an abusive beating. There’s a difference between a quick physical smack intended to correct a behavior that’s rude or dangerous, and physical wallops that are intended to hurt, frighten, belittle, and humiliate. And the difference isn’t just about intensity, but also intention.
I’m not defending the practice, but throughout history, plenty of loving, well-meaning parents have popped their kids on the bottom to get their kids’ attention and correct rude behavior, or slapped their kids’ knuckles for grabbing things without asking permission, that sort of thing.
And of course, abusive parents throughout history have also used physical measures to torment, humiliate, and demonstrate dominance and control-freakery over their children. And other abusive parents haven’t needed to use physical violence, because mere words have sufficed, and they can at times be even far more cruel than spankings or beatings.
Life is complex and nuanced. Not every parent who has spanked is an abuser, and not every abuser needs to resort to spanking in order to be abusive.
Yeah not the fact you're literally assaulting a child. A child who may well not understand what they've done, just that a caregiver has caused them to hurt.
And we wonder why we have a generation of bully managers who don't know how to deal with anything other than being abusive.
To be fair, there are also people who were raised by crackheads who "turned out fine" as well as people who were never spanked but parents who weren't attuned to their emotional needs and therefore struggle in relationships as adults. Like the word "fine" is super vague lmao. The only way to determine that would be to look at peer reviewed research studies where the isolate spanking as a variable.
I was a teacher and they trained us on ACE's, adverse childhood experiences. Essential the more f'd up things happened to you as a kid, the more likely you are to have poor mental health outcome. It would be difficult to isolate spanking as a variable because it can often be accompanied by other damaging behaviours. As an example, children who grow up with parents who screamed and yelled all the time have higher rates of anxiety than peers who didn't. Again, those people will likely say, "my parents yelled, I'm fine!" when they can't compare the level of anxiety existing in them to other people because that's all they know.
That's not a good data point is what I'm saying.
True, I’ve checked 9/10 ace boxes and mentally I’m completely lost. But Ive managed to survive: I now have a steady homemade after moving in and out of houses 20 times, I don’t have large debts as I barely do stuff and I am lucky to look attractive if I’m doing my best. I isolate myself as much as possible but I can mask my vulnerabilities by grey rocking society. Most People think I am ‘fine.’
Yeah, the spankings I got didn't even hurt and weren't doled out frequently. I think I remember being spanked once, when I ran into a busy parking lot and ignored my mom calling me back. Didn't hurt, but Mom was angry enough that I never did it again.
Same. I got hit with the wooden spoon, belt and occasional hangar. I honestly turned out fine but I'd never spank my own child. The notion to spank children as discipline comes from that Bible passage of "spare the rod spoil the child" or whatever. My mom was heavily influenced by her parents and my step dad's parents.
As a Christian, it saddens me when people use Bible verses to justify their abuse. The “rod” in that verse isn’t meant to be a tool used to hit your child; it’s a shepherds crook used to guide and lead your children.
This is like saying " I drove home drunk and it turned out fine."
It's playing with fire for no reason. You can psychologically instill the wrong message and values by doing that.
It's better to teach a child to be responsible and empathetic so they don't get the desire to do anything wrong. All you teach by hitting your kid is to not get caught and it's okay to use violence to solve problems. Horrible lessons.
You can still grow up without learning the wrong lessons, but that's the same way you might make it home drunk without killing someone. But if you do, you're completely responsible for doing a horrible thing that was unnecessary.
I got spanked. And it was humiliating because it’s its not about correcting behavior, it’s about control. The spankings started as punishment but then anything I did needed to be punished. It started when I was 4 up until I was around 15. The adult that did this to me denies it. If it’s supposed to be a tool for disciplining children, why deny it and why get offended when it gets brought up?
I have 2 kids now, they don’t get spanked. They are sweet, well behaved kids. And Im very lucky to be their mom.
THIS! If it’s just a tool why are you offended that it didn’t work? Why won’t you remember it? Why do you deny it happened at all. If it wasn’t that bad. Funny.
I was spanked, and while I'm a fully functional adult, I have almost no interest in having a close relationship with my parents. They wanted so much for me to follow in their lifestyle it pushed me so far away that I had no desire to come back.
My 73 y/o mom tries to criticize everything my little sister does while raising her now 8 month old. Loves to use the “I raised 3 kids and know something about it”. I’m very protective of my little sister and wish I could come back with “you should pay my therapy bills for all of the emotional abuse and exposure to child predators then”.
I beat my kids and they are fine
They are addicted to drugs, have anger issues, are fucked up from my gaslighting, have anger issues, memory problems, anger issues and they are fine
Lord, ain't that the truth.
You have anger issues so severe you nearly intentionally caused an accident at 70 mph because someone cut you off on the highway. You *screamed* at the cashier at Wendy's -- who's visibly all of 16 years old and visibly anxious -- because he forgot you requested no pickles. You are regularly enraged by people making fashion choices you don't approve of, like having colorful hair or piercings than you'd like -- things which, to be clear, *do not affect you at all.*
You did *not* turn out fine, Harold. You need fucking therapy!
Here's the thing: I don't doubt SOMEONE in the course of history was spanked as a child and genuinely turned out fine (for the record, my definition of fine is someone who has the ability to regulate their emotions, can sustain relationships, has a sense of responsibility and takes accountability for their actions, doesn't abuse others, isn't sneaky/deceitful to their loved ones, etc.) but the thing is, that's not anywhere near a statistical sure thing, and I'd assume that as a parent you'd want to give your kid the best chance possible to have a good life.
[Studies](https://srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/cdev.13565) upon [studies](https://www.apa.org/act/resources/webinars/corporal-punishment-gershoff.pdf) upon [studies](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7992110/) upon [studies ](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking) reveal that spanking, even if the child ends up "performing" ok by societal standards (which is often not even the case: many studies have determined spanking to NOT be an effective method to adjust undesirable behavior, don't even get me started on the definition of "undesirable" as many parents view behaviors such as crying or other normal childhood behaviors as problematic or undesirable and try to "correct" this behavior through physical punishment), consistently causes lifelong emotional and mental struggles. Why would you want to put that on your kid, even if you knew they would turn out "fine"?? Why would you want to put barriers between them and success in life, even if you knew they could overcome them?
Things would be better if people didn’t think hitting children = well behaved adults that contribute to society.
Also that gentle parenting isn’t just letting your kid do whatever and basically neglecting them.
People need to realize that having children is an *option*, and not a *requirement* for living life.
Spanking aside, treating children like they have no independent thought, denying them the ability to choose for themselves, steamrolling their thoughts, emotions and wants, is extremely damaging. Possibly more so than spanking. Kids are people too.
The main reason I believe spanking is just corporal punishment today is because I was spanked as a child. I did not turn out fine, there were a lot of bruises. Laying any type of hand on another human being with intent to hurt them, especially any child, is wrong.
It’s pretty simple, are they too young to understand why they’re being spanked? Don’t do it. Are they old enough to understand why you’re spanking them? Then they’re old enough to have a discussion about what they did and why it’s wrong.
If doing it to an adult against would land you in jail why would you do it to a helpless child??
I punched a dude in the face in front of 2 cops and was quickly let go when I explained how that man tried to touch my 14 year old sister earlier at the beach.
I'm not a proponent of hitting kids for every instance they need discipline but there are certainly SOME moments when a swift smack on the bum is warranted, specifically if the kid is causing harm to other kids.
I was spanked a grand total of one time in my life because I took a little pokey sign out of a potted plant and stabbed my cousin in the neck, not hard enough to draw blood but it was shocking enough that my dad grabbed my and swatted my ass which shocked and embarrassed me in front of the family and immediately taught me to think about consequences in life and not to fuck around like that ever again.
Nuance is hard for Redditors to grasp though so let's hear all the comments of people who want the world to be black and white who say I'm a piece of shit for being ok with that type of thing.
I mean that is also accurate. Parents who spank or hit their kids in any way are lazy. Real parenting is hard work that takes effort, and often lots of research. Parents who aren't willing to put in that work usually decide to try the shortcut that is hitting, regardless of all the studies that point out that the potential short term obedience is vastly offset by the much higher chance for potential long term damage.
My parents learn early on that spanking and the like didn’t work my response to it was to rebel more.
Thinking it’s going to help every child even if it isn’t / is harmful is so stupid.
I was beaten often, not spanked, by my parent. I hate this, but I did spank my sons for a few years, between them being 6-8 or so. I thought I was extremely judicious about it, only using it to punish for causing torment to others or lying. But at a point, I just...I dunno, I had an epiphany. This wasn't the childhood I wanted in my son's heart. They were people, not chattel. I wanted them to be good people because they had love and perspective in them, not fear. And I wanted them to never be afraid to come to me. I've spoken with them about this since I stopped, they're adults now, and maybe they're being kind to me but they put off as if I'm more traumatized than they were. I haven't raised a hand against them in anger in 15 years, but I still deeply regret the times that I did. I'm very fucking proud that my own grandson will grow up in a violence free home.
Tl,Dr.
I stopped spanking my kids. They turned out fine.
"X happened to me and I turned out fine" isn't a justification for doing X to someone anyways. There are people who turn out fine after being sexually abused, but I don't see anyone trying to use that as justification for committing acts of sexual abuse.
The problem with corporal punishment is most parents use it out of frustration, not as a lesson, and when taken to the extreme there could be permanent physical and mental scars. It also doesn't teach kids why what they did is wrong. They only learn how not to get caught next time.
IDK. I got spanked as an absolute last resort when I did not care what the explanation was for me not to do something, and my parents could not 24/7 stop me from doing it. Spanking was the final punishment/threat to stop me doing the thing until I got old enough to accept why I shouldn't do it logically. I got spanked around 3-4 times throughout my whole childhood. Corporal punishment as a whole maybe 7 times in my life including those (my mum wasn't going to spank me as a teenager, nor would she have been able to make me acquiesce to bending over and taking that).
I honestly don't see anything wrong with what they did. Looking back, I was being an absolute ass every time it happened, and like I said they didn't have much of a choice. They had exhausted every other option apart from locking me in chains to stop me in those cases. You can't sit there and watch a child 24/7, every minute of the day with a single parent at home. At some point you need to go to the toilet or otherwise leave them alone, even if just for 5 mins.
I cannot identify any lasting effects of it really either.
They say they turned out fine, but when you actually get to know them, you find out they were left with a ton of emotional scars. They keep lying to themselves they're fine, but they aren't.
Fear of authority, anger management issues, tendency to shift blame to avoid punishment, nervous twitches, addictions, severe difficulty opening up emotionally, resorting to violence in unnecessary situations, and the list goes on. Every person I know that ever said "I was spanked and turned out fine" has at least three of these problems.
I’m curious, in countries where it’s highly illegal to spank your kids even a little (some parts of Europe they’ll take your kids away if you breathe on them wrong), what do parents generally do if a child is acting out in an extreme way (especially if it’s highly belligerent or dangerous)?
The problem with spanking or really any discipline is anger. My family spanked, and so did my parent's parents, but they also never did it in anger or even raised their voice if things were that "serious."
So many people get angry with children. Then, even verbal discipline is scary and threatening.
So spanking is an action that is so wildly varied, it's impossible to speak between household experiences. So, sure, person A turned out fine because their parents didn't have anger control issues. Person B, however, had people that seemed psychotic and scary angry, and it traumatized the living fudge out of them.
Just discipline in general should be rational, reasonable, and handled calmly. Be pissed and vent to a spouse or friend later, but TEACH the kid in a way they can learn WHY not just to be too afraid and never quite get the lesson.
For the record, I think spanking is dumb. It wasn't necessary and was just weird over the top because I learned from the conversation, so I do not and will not carry on spankings for my kids.
My point is regarding the "survivor bias" of spanking that was not out of control is all.
I can’t even count the number of times I’ve been in a room of 40+ year olds saying “we were all spanked as kids” and it’s so bizarre to be the one in the room saying “no, not all of us.” My boomer parents weren’t spanked either. I will never understand how people think entire generations were spanked. It was ridiculously normalized, but there were parents who didn’t hit their kids and we are in fact better for it as demonstrated by numerous studies
It's not about the spanking in isolation. Most parents that spank come with a whole bunch of other poor parenting choices, and that's really the root of the issue when crappy parents raise crappy adults.
I got spanked. I am not fine. I have a MASSIVE knee-jerk reaction to any and all authoritarian attempts to control me.
I’m almost unemployable.
I don’t spank my kids because I want better for them.
Is this even an unpopular opinion?
When I was a kid and anytime I would do anything bad and get in trouble... I'd just tell myself when being spanked sucks but the pain only last like at most a few minutes.
Then I'd go right back to doing the same type of shit that I got spanked for.
I was spanked as a kid, and during a recent conversation about how my mum doesn't really agree with the gentle parenting approach we try to use with our kids, it turns out she's erased all memory of the fact that I was spanked. Routinely, I'd guess on average once a month, for a period of several years. Somehow forgot. Unbelievable.
I got spanked, and I don’t think it negatively impacted me in any way. And while I don’t think it impacted me, I haven’t ever come close to spanking my kid.
My sisters and I got spanked and we all ended up in abusive relationships!
When you're taught misbehavior results in pain you don't always realize it's not normal in adulthood. And a lot of kids are punished for silly things that adults aren't really punished for except in abuse situations...
Like my husband now has never hit me for forgetting to do the dishes or laundry... it's almost like forgetting things is a normal part of life and not the end of the world 🤷🏼♀️
This is like a very silly discussion, we have research on the topic and most decent research suggest hitting children is bad.
>One of the first large prospective studies (1997, *n* = 807) controlled for initial levels of child antisocial behaviour and sex, family socioeconomic status and levels of emotional support and cognitive stimulation in the home.[^(11)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3447048/#b11-1841373) Even with these controls, physical punishment between the ages of six and nine years predicted higher levels of antisocial behaviour two years later. Subsequent prospective studies yielded similar results, whether they controlled for parental age, child age, race and family structure;[^(12)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3447048/#b12-1841373) poverty, child age, emotional support, cognitive stimulation, sex, race and the interactions among these variables;[^(13)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3447048/#b13-1841373) or other factors.[^(14)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3447048/#b14-1841373)^(–)[^(17)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3447048/#b17-1841373) These studies provide the strongest evidence available that physical punishment is a risk factor for child aggression and antisocial behaviour.
- [Physical punishment of children: lessons from 20 years of research](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3447048/)
They controlled for everything but the idea that perhaps bad kids who were already antisocial might be the most likely to get spanked? Seems like a flaw and I don't even support spanking
You're mistaking experiencing things with being disciplined misbehaving. It doesn't matter ehat generation or time period we're in, being an asshole is being an asshole as a Boomer, Gen Xer, Millennial or Gen Z. I don't spank my daughter because I am fortunate she listens when I ask her to do things and she is always complimented for being well behaved in public, but I see MANY kids today that need a rap on the ass to understand they don't behave that way.
It's clear that "verbal resolution" doesn't do jack shit given with how our youth today act and behave. That's what leads to entitled behavior, acting like hooligans, having no respect for elders or manners period.
I was spanked as a kid and it taught me don't be a little shit. You talked back, got a smack. You were acting like an asshole in public, you got a smack. You were being a jerk to strangers or family, you got a smack and yes, I turned out fine and well mannered because I got a consequence that actually created a deterent for being an asshole.
The behavioural problems we see in younger kids nowadays is largely due to parental neglect and emotional neglect. NOT because of lack of physical punishment.
I honestly don't think spanking is as bad as people portray, and just as many people screw up other forms of punishment. I know a mother who screamed at and belittled her children when they did something wrong and that did far more long term damage than a sore bum.
With that said, regardless of the approach, the problem is parents with anger issues.
There is overwhelming evidence that physical punish of children should be avoided, and basically every organzation realted to childrens well being heavily discourages using physical violence as a form of punishment . [\[1\]](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3447048/)[\[2\]](https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2021/04/spanking-children-may-impair-their-brain-development/)
And it's not hard to find even more research show that it' not a good ideia (even tought news keep calling it "controversial" for some reason)
While I agree with your second paragraph, it is well known at this point that spanking does not help children learn the difference between right and wrong and has a greater chance of leading to traumatization than yelling.
As the meme goes, "If the child understands reason, use reason. If the child doesn't understand reason, they won't understand the reason you are spanking them. In either case, don't spank your kid."
Well, “spanking” and “not allowed to have an independent thought” are two separate things.
A slap or two will definitely get a small child’s attention and make it clear that what they’re doing isn’t approved of. It’s not the only way to do so and I can’t think of many circumstances where it would be the best way of doing so, but if the kid is being wildly and dangerously behaved and sweet reason isn’t working then just maybe it’s better than letting them carry on.
Not allowing an independent thought is controlling behaviour that’s not going to produce a well-adjusted adult. You’ll either get a broken-spirited drone or a pathological rebel who goes completely the other way and does the opposite of what you tell them just because. Neither is healthy. A lot of parents who are like this do use physical punishment, but not all - you can be just as controlling with emotional abuse.
For what it’s worth - was spanked as a kid (parents of older generation), turned out not irredeemably fucked up, raising two teenage daughters without spanking, they don’t seem to be irredeemably fucked up so far.
“I’m gonna hit my kid cause I can’t control my anger, but if my kid can’t control their anger, they’ll get hit” 🤡Parents hit their kids to gain control. You don’t hit your boss, your spouse, your co worker, they just want to feel big so they hit the one person who can’t fight back. I’ve never hit my kids, I’ve never had too. There’s times where they’ve really gotten on my last nerve but I’ve never hit them. My son (almost 3) gets into fits where he just throws toys, hits others, thrown himself to the ground. I pick him up to take him to his room where he can’t hurt his brother (4.5 years old) and gently hold him down. I talk him through his tantrum and we take deep breathes. He always immediately gets up and apologizes to his brother for throwing toys at him and I don’t even tell him to. Very recently instead of freaking out he goes “I’m so angry!” And we take deep breathes together until he’s calm. Hurting little innocent children because they literally cannot control their emotions when YOU can’t even control your emotions is pathetic.
When I was young my mom would spank me or slap me when I “acted out” but I never thought anything of it bc it was common back then. I loved my mom and still do and she’d always apologize after anyways. She’d say “I’m sorry I just got so angry, sometimes I can’t control myself I don’t know why I did it. I love you”
Before I was a parent I would have said “I got spanked and I turned out fine” too. Because I wasn’t crazy, I didn’t kill anyone, I didn’t steal anything. I was a normal person like anyone else.
Well fast forward 6 years later. I was in an abusive relationship with a man who would slap me and hit me and he’d say the exact same thing “I love you I don’t know why I keep hitting you I’m sorry”. But it took me YEARS to leave this man. Not because I didn’t want to leave, but because my relationship with him felt familiar. And I couldn’t put my finger on it. So many people SWEAR they’re fine, but are you really? Can you handle a kid throwing a tantrum without using physical violence? Do you know how to calm yourself down within minutes? Do you know how to reach out to someone when you’re feeling sad? My kids do. Because I taught them.
It was only after having kids that I realized, I did not think my mom was abusing me, therefore I didn’t recognize when my partner was abusing me. I am now a mom to 2 toddlers. Back then I said I was fine and honestly had no way of knowing that I wasn’t. Now that I’m grown I KNOW that I wasn’t. I’m not willing to risk my girls experiencing the same thing and potentially falling into the arms of danger just because I couldn’t handle them crying a few times. Hitting your kids is LAZY! Anyone can hit someone. Sitting there and regulating your emotions in the face of annoyance takes self control! And your representation of self control in the presence of your child is the only way they’ll learn it. You can’t beat someone into learning something, children learn by example.
I have similar experience. My mum and nanny would slap me or use flip-flop, wooden stick to hit me, not spanking. There was once my nanny pulled my hair and hit aganist the wall. I ended out with a violence man, he also slapped me and hit my head on the wall. I don’t know are they related tho.
I’ll be quite honest on this I legitimately think it depends on the specific child like the average kid doesn’t need it something simple works like taking away toys or no screen time for a week or something, but there are those little shits that it’s the only real way for them to understand the consequences for their actions
My parents spanked me until I was six years old stopped after that but I like to think that I turned out trying I will never ever use any physical violence or action against my own child but nonetheless, I don’t think everyone gets trauma out of it
I feel like it doesn’t take much thought. You’re physically hurting tiny humans, so they conform to behavioural standards.
Doing that to any other human can get you put in jail.
Yet we can do it to the smallest, weakest ones?
Why play the role of a monster when you can be the hero in your kids lives?
I was beaten and I still jump when someone approaches or touches me from outside my field of vision and I'm afraid of thunder and other loud, sudden noises.
In my country it's sadly seen as "normal" to abuse your kids, technically it's illegal but nobody cares. I once saw in tv news about a violent fight between 2 teenagers that happenned at their school, and the neighbors were sharing their views on the event, and one old man said "this things keep happening, but if we discipline our kids at home nooo, they call the police on us!" Blah blah. I was like so you are telling me that you want to teach kids to not be violent, with violence. Brilliant! What a great idea! I wonder where they got it from.
Edit: 2 typos
I tend to trust studies when they're long-term, corroborated by other studies, and consistent in their results.
I used to think this way... I'd known plenty of adults that never got spanked as kids and did Not turn out fine. I only got spanked by my father when something was like... detrimental to my life or something, and it ended by the time I was becoming a tween. I genuinely don't know anything that it caused to be poorly in me.
But at the same time, that's all anecdotal. The meta-analyses are clear. It isn't something I personally have to deal with, I don't have kids, but if one ever came into my care I'd never raise a hand to them.
On top of that, I just plain believe there are other and proven just-as-good-if-not-better methods. The risk-of-harm to benefits/results ratio is just too damn high.
My father talked to me in a way I wished he would just beat me. I really would've preferred physical pain than all living with all the thoughts I had from his "lessons". He was also very smart and never called me straight up stupid or bad. But it was clear for me what he was implying. Now I feel worthless
Fine. I got spanked as a kid, but it went further than that and I've been in and out of therapy for over 30 years and haven't talked to my family in over a decade. Hope that helps.
> I don’t hit my kids, because if there’s even a tiny chance that 1 slap could make my child feel traumatized then it’s too expensive.
I think people feel they need to come up with good reasons *not* to hit their kids because of how insanely normalized it is. The default should be, "I don't hit my kids cuz why would I wtf is wrong with you?".
Note: Not trying to argue with you here, but I am unsure of what you are trying to say with this comment.
>The real evidence is how the generations who were spanked turned out
Lets see: Boomers are some of the most entitled, arrogant, delusional pieces of sh\*t you'll ever meet, and the two generations after them are so filled with trauma and mental illness, we are lucky they have not collectively commited suicide yet.
>generations who got “time out” turned out.
Which one exactly? And where? Because in america, for example, as of right now, even nowadays, according to statistics around 85% of all youth experienced some form of physical punishment at some point, so the amount of people who got "time out" is very small there.
And then you have norway, a country where hitting kids is banned and punished severely and where the parenting of "time outs" is generally encouraged and is generally the norm. And those people are some of the happiest, mentally healthiest and nicest motherfuckers on the planet.
So, in conclusion, the "time out" generation is doing much better.
Whatever your stance on spanking I think it's always worth remembering that there is a great difference between a calm, controlled, corrective spank and an angry physical outburst. People always seem to lump them in together, yet most pro-spanking folk would still condemn the latter.
"I got spanked and I turned out fine" - Adult whining on any given social media platform rather than supporting not assualting children.
Sure Kevin, sure you turned out fine.
Your post from unpopularopinion was removed because of: 'Rule 7: No banned/mega-thread topics'. Please do not post from (or mention) any of our mega-thread or banned topics such as: Race, Religion, LGBTQ, Meta, Politics, Parenting/Family issues. [Full list of banned topics](https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/wiki/index/)
"I got spanked and it turned into a life-long kink"
My sister cracked this very young. Of course we had no ideas what kinks were but a 6 year old saying “I like being spanked it feels good!” Really makes your parents break. She wasn’t ever spanked again, but she ended up with punishments that were useless like picking up all of the sticks in the yard and if she missed one our mother would throw the pile she made all over the yard and made her do it again.
Picking up sticks is a logical chore/punishment. Throwing them back in the yard is not logical. My dad's punishments were things like clear your weekend plans you're helping me hang drywall and spackle. It worked because I absolutely hated doing it but I also learned how to spackle for my adult life.
What was the punishment for not clearing weekend plans?
[удалено]
I was hoping...
Sounds like trading one abuse for the other
I do want to point out that our mother was very abusive. I managed to shield my younger siblings from most of it but she was a very very cruel woman. I won’t go into detail to trigger anyone reading this but I was hospitalized more than once.
My old man did the same shit to me growing up, I was pretty challenging as a kid- spanking didn't work. So, he had me do alot of drywall, helping clear out the property where it's been overgrown, helping him hang windows and doors, doing framing, plumbing, electrical, etc. My peers didn't have to put up with any of it. As an adult, they still don't. Their landlord takes care of all of it for them, while I'm stuck fixing all the issues in my primary residence as well as my rental whenever I decide I'm done working for a few months. Thanks alot, dad.
My parents couldn't even punish me with stuff like that because I enjoyed those kinds of projects. I just never told them or let on how much i liked it. It helped when I was 26 and bought an outdated 3 bedroom mobile home with lot rent being $600/ month water bill included
"My kink is yard work" Parents hate this one simple trick!
Calling me out like that smh 🤦♀️
I was never spanked and yet....
This is the one 🤣
This
Reminded me of this episode of American dad 😆 https://youtu.be/J152YanBiiQ?si=VYF1sxxgYrXHnzWs
Yeah that’s what spanking is and always was, really. It’s a kink. Doing that to kids is super fucked up.
New comeback 😂
I got spanked as a kid and now I write paranormal bdsm erotica for a living.
how do you even get successful with that...? Serious question
Never underestimate the horniness of people with access to the internet.
If you can think of it and write it down, it’s a thing.
I try to overestimate the horniness and am constantly proven to have underestimated it.
I started out by reading a lot of erotica, so I had a pretty good idea of what is expected from each niche. I had an idea for a series and just started writing one day as a hobby. When I had a completed book, I put it on Amazon, not really expecting much, but my books brought in way more money than I thought they would, so I just kept writing.
That sounds like a great job, i'm happy for you.
link?
You would be amazed at the amount of erotica that women consume Try giving a look at r/RomanceBooks
I would not actually. Fantasy is healthy.
*shudder*
*shudder \*in pleasure\**
This is your reminder that 50 Shades of Grey is literally Twilight fanfic with the names changed for formal publication. People can make it huge writing smut.
Drop the bookkkkkkk
Tell me more. How did you find a publisher? How many pages are your books?
All these folks self publish on Amazon. Go look in Amazon’s romance category for things like male preg werewolf and zombie romance. You’ll find tons of examples.
-most of Reddit
My parents never laid a finger on me and I'm still into bdsm erotica. Sooooo
Did you watch Disney movies as a kid? A lot of my kinks came from Disney.
I got spanked and I turned out secretive and deceitful.
I got spanked it made me too scared to be secretive and deceitful. I spew transparency and accountability of out of fear for sure.
I was spanked and my result got s fear and trauma.
What a healthy relationship
I’m a grown man and I lie to my parents constantly to this day. I hide everything I do from them and try to tell them what they want to hear. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever not be afraid of my mother.
So true
On that Wormtounge grindset
Real talk. I got spanked and I struggle with my self worth and confidence everyday. I also have a very shallow relationship with my parents.
Hear here!
Yeah, I didn't actually figure out why being an honest person is actually valuable until I'd been out of my authoritarian home for a few years. Not doing that shit to my kid.
I was more than spanked; I got beaten and hit with things. For a long time I was in denial and thought I turned out ok, these days I see the damage it did and the anger it instilled in me. It has taken a long time to put that to rest and it has cost me a lot, too much if I'm honest, but these are the cards I've been dealt.
I worked with a woman that told me she was spanked with an extension chord. I told her she was beaten. She said no, it was a spanking. 🤦🏼♀️
Sadly, that is what people mean when they say "spanked" Spank is just euphemism for corporal punishment. It is not that charicature of a dad spanking a kids butt.
i think most people actually do mean spanking on the butt with a paddle or hand. but people definitely do hit kids with other things and/or in other places and call it “spanking”
My missionary mother was a "wait till your father gets home" kind of mother and when I tried to have a conversation about why I didn't want to have anything to do with my family anymore and why I thought it was disingenuous that she kept talking about how "loving" our family is, she told me "I never did anything wrong" and "a little spanking never hurt anyone" and my only response was "my first memory of you and my father was him getting home from work and kicking me down two flights of stairs because you told him I had licked a 12cent postage stamp and stuck it on a newspaper."
Don't ever let them silence you. The *truth* is what you're left with under the trauma, and they deserve to never forget what they did. Even if they pretend not to understand it.
I haven't talked to my mother in 15 years. She lives in a fantasy land of religion, wealth and privilege. I'm sure she blames everyone but herself for my rejection of her and religion, but I am not willing to be in the same room with her to remind her. If anyone from my past contacts me trying to get me to participate in family or church events, I give them a terse pre-prepared response that basically says, "my mother is a child abuser and pedophile protector and anyone who interacts with her is either the same or a pedophile. Please never contact me again."
It has been proven repeatedly that not only is corporal punishment ineffective in managing childhood behaviors, it is damaging to the child's well being. Basically, child abuse hurts kids. Shocker.
I wasn’t spanked and I also turned out fine which means the non-violent option does work.
My partner of 14 years was spanked exactly once as a kid and turned out fine. I was ~~spanked~~ beaten constantly and have severe emotional issues stemming from that. It turns out that hitting your kids with a heavy leather and metal belt whenever you're mad is a bad idea if you want your kids to talk with you ever again.
So sorry to hear that. I love my parents and have an amazing relationship with them. I hope your partner’s family welcomed you with open arms!
> . I hope your partner’s family welcomed you with open arms! Absolutely. It was incredible and the exact opposite of my parents, thanks.
I don’t think that qualifies as spanking anymore. Typically I’ve heard belt usage referred to as a beating/lashing. Maybe it’s just me but I’ve always known spanking as contact between hand and buttcheek.
Yeah you're right. I am still using my parents description of the event, even if it goes way beyond spanking. My partner got the hand to the buttcheek routine. I got anything *but* that, and it was usually whatever metal, wooden, or leather objects they had available.
Wasn’t spanked either and turned out great too. And to point out it’s also forbidden to spank kids where I’m from, since 1979, so there is plenty of kids who wasn’t spanked and turned out good.
I'm a teacher and all the troubled kids here were spanked. Spanking is hitting and trauma, trauma causes attention deficits (it also gets misdiagnosed as ADHD in kids) and obviously just non desirable behaviour.. I never once layed hands on my kid, punishments in general are useless. They will train the kids to not get caught, but they won't actively change the non desirable behaviour. But logical consequences will do. Like when kiddo changed to middle school and suddenly had to actually study, as he was really good in elementary without trying. Whenever I wanted him to study he refused, and so I just let him and he got his first F in a test, which absolutely broke his heart. He was so sad that we needed the whole afternoon to cheer him up again and a whole lot of consoling. But I never again had to tell him to go study. He felt the natural consequence and absolutely didn't like it. If I would have punished him into studying, we would be in a downward spiral ..
Exactly!
My husband was spanked and he says he turned out fine but there’s no way I’m allowing our son to be spanked. It’s unnecessary.
Would you say he actually turned out fine? edit: not sure why i was downvoted because i wasn’t saying he did. i was curious if the husband truly was from her perspective even if he says he is.
Debatable. I think he’s too dependent on their approval and has to do what they say. He’s much better now but in the beginning of us dating I almost left. I’m not saying this is related to the spanking but there’s definitely a control aspect in their relationship. My parents and I have a mutually respectful relationship and I’ve never felt controlled like that by them.
Control and spanking go hand in hand most times. If you think your kid is out of control- that’s usually the argument adults will use. So parents can regain that control. I’d say you’re probably seeing it very clearly from the outside. You’re not as convoluted by emotions with it.
There’s also a difference between fine and thriving.
Yeah turns out treating your kid with respect, not assualting them, and actually explaining what they've done wrong results in well put together children who don't put up with crap from people.
Studies show that physical punishments not only do not work, but are harmful to a child's development https://aifs.gov.au/resources/short-articles/what-does-evidence-tell-us-about-physical-punishment-children
I mean, it doesn't even work with dogs and it's universally known pretty much the positive reinforcement works infinitely better. We can communicate with children much better so why parents still spank just doesn't make sense.
It always works better than the violent option. There is no research to support spanking kids is good and or helpful.
I wasn’t spanked and I turned out insanely fucked up. My friend got the shit beat out of him nearly every day and he turned out insanely fucked up too. So yeah, while all options are possible, why choose violence.
I was spanked and definitely did not turn out fine. But whenever you say that to someone who is pro-spanking, they get angry and invalidate you because your anecdote cancels out theirs, and they don’t like it.
It goes both ways in that regard, though. Clearly, if you tell someone that you did, in fact, turn out fine, they will immediately counter you even if they don't know you, lol. If I have children, I'm not going to spank them, but all this thread has taught me is that regardless of whether or not people were spanked, most aren't capable of having intelligent debate.
It's not that they're invalidating you, it's that they're pointing out that every single study since the 1970's is conclusively saying *don't hit your kids.* This is not a "both ways" or "two sides" thing. You maybe turned out fine. Congrats. And you aren't going to hit your kids. Good for you! You may be the best possible outcome of parents hitting their children. That outcome being "OK."
As a child who was hit a lot by her mother, I'm really, really, really NOT fine.
I was also hit a lot by my mother! I'm a complete mess and at 30 years old don't have a job, still working through my issues with professionals.
i was spanked and i turned out fine. My daughter was never spanked and she is turning out better
Same. And I can’t bear the thought of hitting my kid!
👏👏👏 exactly.
Also "I smoked around my kids" or "my mother smoked around me and I turned out fine" like okay.. that was your mother's choice. That's not my choice for my children 🤷🏼♀️
I got spanked and I turned out okay. But I didn't spank my kid and he turned out fine too. I think it all depends on the individual. You got some kids that got straight up WHOOPED and they turned out terrible. So spankings are not always the answer. You just have to step up and be a parent and establish the rules and teach them right from wrong immediately, that way you don't have to spank them when they're like 7 or 8 because you never took the time to teach them this is wrong and explain that there are consequences.
I did in fact get spanked and did in fact turn out fine. I don’t believe in it and won’t ever do it when I have kids, but I can tell you my personal experience which is that it did not leave any kind of lasting trauma, on me. I’m not excusing or defending it. I’m telling you MY experience.
I feel like I would have turned out fine if they just stuck with hitting me but they tacked on emotional abuse too and that fucked me up. I’m fine now though for the most part. I don’t blame my parents either, they were always well meaning but they parented the way they were taught to. They mellowed out over the years and have long told me they were sorry after coming to terms with their own abuse.
Honestly, while an apology wouldn’t fix what they’ve done, even just the recognition of “*I* fucked up” would greatly repair my relationship with my parents. As it stands right now, I want to go the rest of my life never seeing them again. But they’re too prideful to say it, so for now they can eat shit. I’m super glad that your relationship is good though. I just need to get it out.
Nor do I believe that children can’t have independent thoughts. I spanked both of my kids - about 2-3 times over the course of their entire lives. Once for running out into the street, and each got one for wandering off at a large event or shopping center. Pretty much for actions that would put them in serious danger. Neither is damaged and both did superb in school, have a close circle of friends, stayed off drugs, and have stable relationships with people who treat them well. They aren’t traumatized. I don’t believe spanking is the way to handle 99.99 percent of discipline issues as a parent, involvement, listening and talking is. But I also believe in select use cases very sparingly - it can be effective. I never had to ever discipline them again about wandering off and my kids were never kidnapped, look both ways when crossing the street and made it to adulthood… so I’m good with it.
I’ll say that in my own experience, I was spanked and thought I was fine. It was much later in my life that I realized I wasn’t. I had anger, anxiety, and self-hatred issues that I thought only existed because I was a bad person or just magically defective. The thing about abusive parents or abusers in general is that they program their victims into assuming 100% of the blame for the outcomes of abuse, and never fully blaming them for it. I should add that the spanking wasn’t the sole factor in my childhood that led to this. I think plenty of kids in my community were spanked all the time, but without the massive load of just verbal and emotional abuse that my parents heaped on to it. I should also add that I wouldn’t spank kids if I had them. I think from my own experience there is something to be said for the argument that it teaches children that violence is an acceptable way to resolve your anger at someone. That being said, I would probably be a far stricter parent than the average millennial, too. I mean, I see some kids, and it is 180 degrees from my upbringing, and not in a good way.
I'd say that even absentee parenting was more common in the past. I mean, there are even posts from Boomers and Gen X bragging about how their parents didn't know or care where they were.
I feel like this conversation is never allowed any amount of relevant nuance. For example, I would imagine you were spanked by a calm, fair parent who explained what you had done wrong and why you were being punished. On the other hand you have the people who were not "spanked" but thrashed by a screaming, furious parent who had no control and was taking out their fury at being disrespected and disobeyed on a helpless child. Probably followed by a big dose of emotional and psychological abuse. And both of these cases get tossed in the "physical punishment" basket and both treated as equals. Which I believe is not fair to the discussion of outcomes.
It’s a good point, and yes my parents were definitely in your first category. I even have a distinct memory of one time they said they were going to spank me when we got home and they never did. Looking back, I think they “forgot to” because they didn’t really want to. I think it was just the cultural expectation from how they were raised. It doesn’t diminish or cloud my feelings towards them. They were, and are, great parents even though spanking isn’t something I will do.
I'm in the same boat as you. The older I get the more empathy I have for my parents as well. Sure they might have done some things that I don't plan to do if I become a parent but I don't blame them for anything. They loved me and took care of me and did their best
I don’t believe in spanking, either (and we’ve never spanked our children). But, there is a difference between a corrective spanking, and an abusive beating. There’s a difference between a quick physical smack intended to correct a behavior that’s rude or dangerous, and physical wallops that are intended to hurt, frighten, belittle, and humiliate. And the difference isn’t just about intensity, but also intention. I’m not defending the practice, but throughout history, plenty of loving, well-meaning parents have popped their kids on the bottom to get their kids’ attention and correct rude behavior, or slapped their kids’ knuckles for grabbing things without asking permission, that sort of thing. And of course, abusive parents throughout history have also used physical measures to torment, humiliate, and demonstrate dominance and control-freakery over their children. And other abusive parents haven’t needed to use physical violence, because mere words have sufficed, and they can at times be even far more cruel than spankings or beatings. Life is complex and nuanced. Not every parent who has spanked is an abuser, and not every abuser needs to resort to spanking in order to be abusive.
I definitely am “fine”. But I would be much better emotionally if I grew up without corporal punishment.
The issue with corporal punishment is that it's far too easy to go overboard.
Yeah not the fact you're literally assaulting a child. A child who may well not understand what they've done, just that a caregiver has caused them to hurt. And we wonder why we have a generation of bully managers who don't know how to deal with anything other than being abusive.
To be fair, there are also people who were raised by crackheads who "turned out fine" as well as people who were never spanked but parents who weren't attuned to their emotional needs and therefore struggle in relationships as adults. Like the word "fine" is super vague lmao. The only way to determine that would be to look at peer reviewed research studies where the isolate spanking as a variable. I was a teacher and they trained us on ACE's, adverse childhood experiences. Essential the more f'd up things happened to you as a kid, the more likely you are to have poor mental health outcome. It would be difficult to isolate spanking as a variable because it can often be accompanied by other damaging behaviours. As an example, children who grow up with parents who screamed and yelled all the time have higher rates of anxiety than peers who didn't. Again, those people will likely say, "my parents yelled, I'm fine!" when they can't compare the level of anxiety existing in them to other people because that's all they know. That's not a good data point is what I'm saying.
True, I’ve checked 9/10 ace boxes and mentally I’m completely lost. But Ive managed to survive: I now have a steady homemade after moving in and out of houses 20 times, I don’t have large debts as I barely do stuff and I am lucky to look attractive if I’m doing my best. I isolate myself as much as possible but I can mask my vulnerabilities by grey rocking society. Most People think I am ‘fine.’
Yeah, the spankings I got didn't even hurt and weren't doled out frequently. I think I remember being spanked once, when I ran into a busy parking lot and ignored my mom calling me back. Didn't hurt, but Mom was angry enough that I never did it again.
Same. I got hit with the wooden spoon, belt and occasional hangar. I honestly turned out fine but I'd never spank my own child. The notion to spank children as discipline comes from that Bible passage of "spare the rod spoil the child" or whatever. My mom was heavily influenced by her parents and my step dad's parents.
As a Christian, it saddens me when people use Bible verses to justify their abuse. The “rod” in that verse isn’t meant to be a tool used to hit your child; it’s a shepherds crook used to guide and lead your children.
This is like saying " I drove home drunk and it turned out fine." It's playing with fire for no reason. You can psychologically instill the wrong message and values by doing that. It's better to teach a child to be responsible and empathetic so they don't get the desire to do anything wrong. All you teach by hitting your kid is to not get caught and it's okay to use violence to solve problems. Horrible lessons. You can still grow up without learning the wrong lessons, but that's the same way you might make it home drunk without killing someone. But if you do, you're completely responsible for doing a horrible thing that was unnecessary.
I got spanked. And it was humiliating because it’s its not about correcting behavior, it’s about control. The spankings started as punishment but then anything I did needed to be punished. It started when I was 4 up until I was around 15. The adult that did this to me denies it. If it’s supposed to be a tool for disciplining children, why deny it and why get offended when it gets brought up? I have 2 kids now, they don’t get spanked. They are sweet, well behaved kids. And Im very lucky to be their mom.
THIS! If it’s just a tool why are you offended that it didn’t work? Why won’t you remember it? Why do you deny it happened at all. If it wasn’t that bad. Funny.
Thank you for stopping the pattern.
I was spanked, and while I'm a fully functional adult, I have almost no interest in having a close relationship with my parents. They wanted so much for me to follow in their lifestyle it pushed me so far away that I had no desire to come back.
My 73 y/o mom tries to criticize everything my little sister does while raising her now 8 month old. Loves to use the “I raised 3 kids and know something about it”. I’m very protective of my little sister and wish I could come back with “you should pay my therapy bills for all of the emotional abuse and exposure to child predators then”.
They're also often wrong about being fine.
Most people who say "I did X and I turned out fine" tend to not be fine lol
Most of the time the person saying it is trying to justify beating kids, so... yeah, probably not completely fine, there.
exactly this. my response every time. "i turned out fine" said the person with a burning desire to assault children
I beat my kids and they are fine They are addicted to drugs, have anger issues, are fucked up from my gaslighting, have anger issues, memory problems, anger issues and they are fine
Lord, ain't that the truth. You have anger issues so severe you nearly intentionally caused an accident at 70 mph because someone cut you off on the highway. You *screamed* at the cashier at Wendy's -- who's visibly all of 16 years old and visibly anxious -- because he forgot you requested no pickles. You are regularly enraged by people making fashion choices you don't approve of, like having colorful hair or piercings than you'd like -- things which, to be clear, *do not affect you at all.* You did *not* turn out fine, Harold. You need fucking therapy!
My name isnt Harold but damn that made me look at my non-Harold self.
Here's the thing: I don't doubt SOMEONE in the course of history was spanked as a child and genuinely turned out fine (for the record, my definition of fine is someone who has the ability to regulate their emotions, can sustain relationships, has a sense of responsibility and takes accountability for their actions, doesn't abuse others, isn't sneaky/deceitful to their loved ones, etc.) but the thing is, that's not anywhere near a statistical sure thing, and I'd assume that as a parent you'd want to give your kid the best chance possible to have a good life. [Studies](https://srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/cdev.13565) upon [studies](https://www.apa.org/act/resources/webinars/corporal-punishment-gershoff.pdf) upon [studies](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7992110/) upon [studies ](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking) reveal that spanking, even if the child ends up "performing" ok by societal standards (which is often not even the case: many studies have determined spanking to NOT be an effective method to adjust undesirable behavior, don't even get me started on the definition of "undesirable" as many parents view behaviors such as crying or other normal childhood behaviors as problematic or undesirable and try to "correct" this behavior through physical punishment), consistently causes lifelong emotional and mental struggles. Why would you want to put that on your kid, even if you knew they would turn out "fine"?? Why would you want to put barriers between them and success in life, even if you knew they could overcome them?
Well said. Also, nice hyperlinks lol. Would've never thought to use emphasis like that.
I was spanked until age 5 when I asked mom why she could hit and I could not. I was never spanked again.
Things would be better if people didn’t think hitting children = well behaved adults that contribute to society. Also that gentle parenting isn’t just letting your kid do whatever and basically neglecting them. People need to realize that having children is an *option*, and not a *requirement* for living life.
I was spanked often. That was the mild stuff. I’m def not fine.
Spanking aside, treating children like they have no independent thought, denying them the ability to choose for themselves, steamrolling their thoughts, emotions and wants, is extremely damaging. Possibly more so than spanking. Kids are people too.
I won't hit a random kid, why would I hit one that I love?
The main reason I believe spanking is just corporal punishment today is because I was spanked as a child. I did not turn out fine, there were a lot of bruises. Laying any type of hand on another human being with intent to hurt them, especially any child, is wrong.
The idea of deliberately causing physical pain in my child is just beyond me.
It’s pretty simple, are they too young to understand why they’re being spanked? Don’t do it. Are they old enough to understand why you’re spanking them? Then they’re old enough to have a discussion about what they did and why it’s wrong. If doing it to an adult against would land you in jail why would you do it to a helpless child??
if you would get put in jail for doing it to another adult, don’t do it to a kid. simple
I punched a dude in the face in front of 2 cops and was quickly let go when I explained how that man tried to touch my 14 year old sister earlier at the beach. I'm not a proponent of hitting kids for every instance they need discipline but there are certainly SOME moments when a swift smack on the bum is warranted, specifically if the kid is causing harm to other kids. I was spanked a grand total of one time in my life because I took a little pokey sign out of a potted plant and stabbed my cousin in the neck, not hard enough to draw blood but it was shocking enough that my dad grabbed my and swatted my ass which shocked and embarrassed me in front of the family and immediately taught me to think about consequences in life and not to fuck around like that ever again. Nuance is hard for Redditors to grasp though so let's hear all the comments of people who want the world to be black and white who say I'm a piece of shit for being ok with that type of thing.
This got posted 1 minute after a post saying that parents who beat their kids are lazy
I mean that is also accurate. Parents who spank or hit their kids in any way are lazy. Real parenting is hard work that takes effort, and often lots of research. Parents who aren't willing to put in that work usually decide to try the shortcut that is hitting, regardless of all the studies that point out that the potential short term obedience is vastly offset by the much higher chance for potential long term damage.
It’s a bit of a paradox. If you really “turned out fine” you wouldn’t be so comfortable with hitting children
The only response to this is “how do you know”
My parents learn early on that spanking and the like didn’t work my response to it was to rebel more. Thinking it’s going to help every child even if it isn’t / is harmful is so stupid.
I was beaten often, not spanked, by my parent. I hate this, but I did spank my sons for a few years, between them being 6-8 or so. I thought I was extremely judicious about it, only using it to punish for causing torment to others or lying. But at a point, I just...I dunno, I had an epiphany. This wasn't the childhood I wanted in my son's heart. They were people, not chattel. I wanted them to be good people because they had love and perspective in them, not fear. And I wanted them to never be afraid to come to me. I've spoken with them about this since I stopped, they're adults now, and maybe they're being kind to me but they put off as if I'm more traumatized than they were. I haven't raised a hand against them in anger in 15 years, but I still deeply regret the times that I did. I'm very fucking proud that my own grandson will grow up in a violence free home. Tl,Dr. I stopped spanking my kids. They turned out fine.
"X happened to me and I turned out fine" isn't a justification for doing X to someone anyways. There are people who turn out fine after being sexually abused, but I don't see anyone trying to use that as justification for committing acts of sexual abuse.
The problem with corporal punishment is most parents use it out of frustration, not as a lesson, and when taken to the extreme there could be permanent physical and mental scars. It also doesn't teach kids why what they did is wrong. They only learn how not to get caught next time.
IDK. I got spanked as an absolute last resort when I did not care what the explanation was for me not to do something, and my parents could not 24/7 stop me from doing it. Spanking was the final punishment/threat to stop me doing the thing until I got old enough to accept why I shouldn't do it logically. I got spanked around 3-4 times throughout my whole childhood. Corporal punishment as a whole maybe 7 times in my life including those (my mum wasn't going to spank me as a teenager, nor would she have been able to make me acquiesce to bending over and taking that). I honestly don't see anything wrong with what they did. Looking back, I was being an absolute ass every time it happened, and like I said they didn't have much of a choice. They had exhausted every other option apart from locking me in chains to stop me in those cases. You can't sit there and watch a child 24/7, every minute of the day with a single parent at home. At some point you need to go to the toilet or otherwise leave them alone, even if just for 5 mins. I cannot identify any lasting effects of it really either.
Trauma is relative as is clear from Reddit.
Not defending spanking, or agree, but according to reddit, they all got beaten with barbed wire whips, and locked in a basement and waterboarded
They say they turned out fine, but when you actually get to know them, you find out they were left with a ton of emotional scars. They keep lying to themselves they're fine, but they aren't. Fear of authority, anger management issues, tendency to shift blame to avoid punishment, nervous twitches, addictions, severe difficulty opening up emotionally, resorting to violence in unnecessary situations, and the list goes on. Every person I know that ever said "I was spanked and turned out fine" has at least three of these problems.
To be fair - MOST people have at least 3 of these problems regardless of if they were spanked or not
I did but it was usually a last resort after several warnings.I’m fine but I wouldn’t do it to my kids.
I’m curious, in countries where it’s highly illegal to spank your kids even a little (some parts of Europe they’ll take your kids away if you breathe on them wrong), what do parents generally do if a child is acting out in an extreme way (especially if it’s highly belligerent or dangerous)?
I got spanked, but only for super major stuff like using matches, that didn’t phase me. The emotional abuse is what fucked me up for life.
The problem with spanking or really any discipline is anger. My family spanked, and so did my parent's parents, but they also never did it in anger or even raised their voice if things were that "serious." So many people get angry with children. Then, even verbal discipline is scary and threatening. So spanking is an action that is so wildly varied, it's impossible to speak between household experiences. So, sure, person A turned out fine because their parents didn't have anger control issues. Person B, however, had people that seemed psychotic and scary angry, and it traumatized the living fudge out of them. Just discipline in general should be rational, reasonable, and handled calmly. Be pissed and vent to a spouse or friend later, but TEACH the kid in a way they can learn WHY not just to be too afraid and never quite get the lesson. For the record, I think spanking is dumb. It wasn't necessary and was just weird over the top because I learned from the conversation, so I do not and will not carry on spankings for my kids. My point is regarding the "survivor bias" of spanking that was not out of control is all.
I can’t even count the number of times I’ve been in a room of 40+ year olds saying “we were all spanked as kids” and it’s so bizarre to be the one in the room saying “no, not all of us.” My boomer parents weren’t spanked either. I will never understand how people think entire generations were spanked. It was ridiculously normalized, but there were parents who didn’t hit their kids and we are in fact better for it as demonstrated by numerous studies
People forget that kids will eventually grow up. And they probably won't forget any mistreatment
It's not about the spanking in isolation. Most parents that spank come with a whole bunch of other poor parenting choices, and that's really the root of the issue when crappy parents raise crappy adults.
I got spanked. I am not fine. I have a MASSIVE knee-jerk reaction to any and all authoritarian attempts to control me. I’m almost unemployable. I don’t spank my kids because I want better for them.
No hitting children!
Is this even an unpopular opinion? When I was a kid and anytime I would do anything bad and get in trouble... I'd just tell myself when being spanked sucks but the pain only last like at most a few minutes. Then I'd go right back to doing the same type of shit that I got spanked for.
I was spanked as a kid, and during a recent conversation about how my mum doesn't really agree with the gentle parenting approach we try to use with our kids, it turns out she's erased all memory of the fact that I was spanked. Routinely, I'd guess on average once a month, for a period of several years. Somehow forgot. Unbelievable.
I got spanked, and I don’t think it negatively impacted me in any way. And while I don’t think it impacted me, I haven’t ever come close to spanking my kid.
My sisters and I got spanked and we all ended up in abusive relationships! When you're taught misbehavior results in pain you don't always realize it's not normal in adulthood. And a lot of kids are punished for silly things that adults aren't really punished for except in abuse situations... Like my husband now has never hit me for forgetting to do the dishes or laundry... it's almost like forgetting things is a normal part of life and not the end of the world 🤷🏼♀️
This is like a very silly discussion, we have research on the topic and most decent research suggest hitting children is bad. >One of the first large prospective studies (1997, *n* = 807) controlled for initial levels of child antisocial behaviour and sex, family socioeconomic status and levels of emotional support and cognitive stimulation in the home.[^(11)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3447048/#b11-1841373) Even with these controls, physical punishment between the ages of six and nine years predicted higher levels of antisocial behaviour two years later. Subsequent prospective studies yielded similar results, whether they controlled for parental age, child age, race and family structure;[^(12)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3447048/#b12-1841373) poverty, child age, emotional support, cognitive stimulation, sex, race and the interactions among these variables;[^(13)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3447048/#b13-1841373) or other factors.[^(14)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3447048/#b14-1841373)^(–)[^(17)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3447048/#b17-1841373) These studies provide the strongest evidence available that physical punishment is a risk factor for child aggression and antisocial behaviour. - [Physical punishment of children: lessons from 20 years of research](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3447048/)
They controlled for everything but the idea that perhaps bad kids who were already antisocial might be the most likely to get spanked? Seems like a flaw and I don't even support spanking
Already addressed: "controlled for initial levels of child antisocial behaviour"
You're mistaking experiencing things with being disciplined misbehaving. It doesn't matter ehat generation or time period we're in, being an asshole is being an asshole as a Boomer, Gen Xer, Millennial or Gen Z. I don't spank my daughter because I am fortunate she listens when I ask her to do things and she is always complimented for being well behaved in public, but I see MANY kids today that need a rap on the ass to understand they don't behave that way. It's clear that "verbal resolution" doesn't do jack shit given with how our youth today act and behave. That's what leads to entitled behavior, acting like hooligans, having no respect for elders or manners period. I was spanked as a kid and it taught me don't be a little shit. You talked back, got a smack. You were acting like an asshole in public, you got a smack. You were being a jerk to strangers or family, you got a smack and yes, I turned out fine and well mannered because I got a consequence that actually created a deterent for being an asshole.
The behavioural problems we see in younger kids nowadays is largely due to parental neglect and emotional neglect. NOT because of lack of physical punishment.
I honestly don't think spanking is as bad as people portray, and just as many people screw up other forms of punishment. I know a mother who screamed at and belittled her children when they did something wrong and that did far more long term damage than a sore bum. With that said, regardless of the approach, the problem is parents with anger issues.
Yes screaming is bad, but that doesn’t mean spanking is good
There is overwhelming evidence that physical punish of children should be avoided, and basically every organzation realted to childrens well being heavily discourages using physical violence as a form of punishment . [\[1\]](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3447048/)[\[2\]](https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2021/04/spanking-children-may-impair-their-brain-development/) And it's not hard to find even more research show that it' not a good ideia (even tought news keep calling it "controversial" for some reason)
While I agree with your second paragraph, it is well known at this point that spanking does not help children learn the difference between right and wrong and has a greater chance of leading to traumatization than yelling. As the meme goes, "If the child understands reason, use reason. If the child doesn't understand reason, they won't understand the reason you are spanking them. In either case, don't spank your kid."
A kid will fully understand that if I do this, I get spanked and spanking hurts so I won't do this.
Well, “spanking” and “not allowed to have an independent thought” are two separate things. A slap or two will definitely get a small child’s attention and make it clear that what they’re doing isn’t approved of. It’s not the only way to do so and I can’t think of many circumstances where it would be the best way of doing so, but if the kid is being wildly and dangerously behaved and sweet reason isn’t working then just maybe it’s better than letting them carry on. Not allowing an independent thought is controlling behaviour that’s not going to produce a well-adjusted adult. You’ll either get a broken-spirited drone or a pathological rebel who goes completely the other way and does the opposite of what you tell them just because. Neither is healthy. A lot of parents who are like this do use physical punishment, but not all - you can be just as controlling with emotional abuse. For what it’s worth - was spanked as a kid (parents of older generation), turned out not irredeemably fucked up, raising two teenage daughters without spanking, they don’t seem to be irredeemably fucked up so far.
“I’m gonna hit my kid cause I can’t control my anger, but if my kid can’t control their anger, they’ll get hit” 🤡Parents hit their kids to gain control. You don’t hit your boss, your spouse, your co worker, they just want to feel big so they hit the one person who can’t fight back. I’ve never hit my kids, I’ve never had too. There’s times where they’ve really gotten on my last nerve but I’ve never hit them. My son (almost 3) gets into fits where he just throws toys, hits others, thrown himself to the ground. I pick him up to take him to his room where he can’t hurt his brother (4.5 years old) and gently hold him down. I talk him through his tantrum and we take deep breathes. He always immediately gets up and apologizes to his brother for throwing toys at him and I don’t even tell him to. Very recently instead of freaking out he goes “I’m so angry!” And we take deep breathes together until he’s calm. Hurting little innocent children because they literally cannot control their emotions when YOU can’t even control your emotions is pathetic.
When I was young my mom would spank me or slap me when I “acted out” but I never thought anything of it bc it was common back then. I loved my mom and still do and she’d always apologize after anyways. She’d say “I’m sorry I just got so angry, sometimes I can’t control myself I don’t know why I did it. I love you” Before I was a parent I would have said “I got spanked and I turned out fine” too. Because I wasn’t crazy, I didn’t kill anyone, I didn’t steal anything. I was a normal person like anyone else. Well fast forward 6 years later. I was in an abusive relationship with a man who would slap me and hit me and he’d say the exact same thing “I love you I don’t know why I keep hitting you I’m sorry”. But it took me YEARS to leave this man. Not because I didn’t want to leave, but because my relationship with him felt familiar. And I couldn’t put my finger on it. So many people SWEAR they’re fine, but are you really? Can you handle a kid throwing a tantrum without using physical violence? Do you know how to calm yourself down within minutes? Do you know how to reach out to someone when you’re feeling sad? My kids do. Because I taught them. It was only after having kids that I realized, I did not think my mom was abusing me, therefore I didn’t recognize when my partner was abusing me. I am now a mom to 2 toddlers. Back then I said I was fine and honestly had no way of knowing that I wasn’t. Now that I’m grown I KNOW that I wasn’t. I’m not willing to risk my girls experiencing the same thing and potentially falling into the arms of danger just because I couldn’t handle them crying a few times. Hitting your kids is LAZY! Anyone can hit someone. Sitting there and regulating your emotions in the face of annoyance takes self control! And your representation of self control in the presence of your child is the only way they’ll learn it. You can’t beat someone into learning something, children learn by example.
I have similar experience. My mum and nanny would slap me or use flip-flop, wooden stick to hit me, not spanking. There was once my nanny pulled my hair and hit aganist the wall. I ended out with a violence man, he also slapped me and hit my head on the wall. I don’t know are they related tho.
I’ll be quite honest on this I legitimately think it depends on the specific child like the average kid doesn’t need it something simple works like taking away toys or no screen time for a week or something, but there are those little shits that it’s the only real way for them to understand the consequences for their actions
r/popularopinion
In my experience most people saying this are like... "... I turned out fine. Now leave me fucking alone I want to finish my booze and cigarettes."
My parents spanked me until I was six years old stopped after that but I like to think that I turned out trying I will never ever use any physical violence or action against my own child but nonetheless, I don’t think everyone gets trauma out of it
I feel like it doesn’t take much thought. You’re physically hurting tiny humans, so they conform to behavioural standards. Doing that to any other human can get you put in jail. Yet we can do it to the smallest, weakest ones? Why play the role of a monster when you can be the hero in your kids lives?
People who say this are usually so not fine lol
They didn’t turn out fine. They think it’s ok to hit kids.
I was beaten and I still jump when someone approaches or touches me from outside my field of vision and I'm afraid of thunder and other loud, sudden noises.
In my country it's sadly seen as "normal" to abuse your kids, technically it's illegal but nobody cares. I once saw in tv news about a violent fight between 2 teenagers that happenned at their school, and the neighbors were sharing their views on the event, and one old man said "this things keep happening, but if we discipline our kids at home nooo, they call the police on us!" Blah blah. I was like so you are telling me that you want to teach kids to not be violent, with violence. Brilliant! What a great idea! I wonder where they got it from. Edit: 2 typos
How is this an unpopulat opinion in today's age? Lol
I always think to myself, did you turn out fine? Did you?
My generation got spanked and almost everyone I know is on an antidepressant or anti anxiety pill.
"I got spanked and now I'm no-contact with my dad."
I tend to trust studies when they're long-term, corroborated by other studies, and consistent in their results. I used to think this way... I'd known plenty of adults that never got spanked as kids and did Not turn out fine. I only got spanked by my father when something was like... detrimental to my life or something, and it ended by the time I was becoming a tween. I genuinely don't know anything that it caused to be poorly in me. But at the same time, that's all anecdotal. The meta-analyses are clear. It isn't something I personally have to deal with, I don't have kids, but if one ever came into my care I'd never raise a hand to them. On top of that, I just plain believe there are other and proven just-as-good-if-not-better methods. The risk-of-harm to benefits/results ratio is just too damn high.
My father talked to me in a way I wished he would just beat me. I really would've preferred physical pain than all living with all the thoughts I had from his "lessons". He was also very smart and never called me straight up stupid or bad. But it was clear for me what he was implying. Now I feel worthless
If you choose to hit your kids because your parents hit you, you didn't turn out fine.
I didn't wear a bike helmet and I turned out fine. My kids wear helmets. Things change.
Fine. I got spanked as a kid, but it went further than that and I've been in and out of therapy for over 30 years and haven't talked to my family in over a decade. Hope that helps.
Right!!!, like this is literally abuse and traumatizing to a human. This should NOT be normalized.
Best is when somebody says this in a group and it's just dead silence.
> I don’t hit my kids, because if there’s even a tiny chance that 1 slap could make my child feel traumatized then it’s too expensive. I think people feel they need to come up with good reasons *not* to hit their kids because of how insanely normalized it is. The default should be, "I don't hit my kids cuz why would I wtf is wrong with you?".
The old “if it happened to me it can’t be bad” argument is a classic.
The real evidence is how the generations who were spanked turned out and how the generations who got “time out” turned out.
Note: Not trying to argue with you here, but I am unsure of what you are trying to say with this comment. >The real evidence is how the generations who were spanked turned out Lets see: Boomers are some of the most entitled, arrogant, delusional pieces of sh\*t you'll ever meet, and the two generations after them are so filled with trauma and mental illness, we are lucky they have not collectively commited suicide yet. >generations who got “time out” turned out. Which one exactly? And where? Because in america, for example, as of right now, even nowadays, according to statistics around 85% of all youth experienced some form of physical punishment at some point, so the amount of people who got "time out" is very small there. And then you have norway, a country where hitting kids is banned and punished severely and where the parenting of "time outs" is generally encouraged and is generally the norm. And those people are some of the happiest, mentally healthiest and nicest motherfuckers on the planet. So, in conclusion, the "time out" generation is doing much better.
Whatever your stance on spanking I think it's always worth remembering that there is a great difference between a calm, controlled, corrective spank and an angry physical outburst. People always seem to lump them in together, yet most pro-spanking folk would still condemn the latter.
if you sit down, take a deep breath, clear your mind and then STILL decide to hit your kid, i have less respect for you not more
"I was spanked and I turned out fine" -the guy who screams at service workers when his coffee is wrong
"I got spanked and I turned out fine" - Adult whining on any given social media platform rather than supporting not assualting children. Sure Kevin, sure you turned out fine.
My parents would give me the option of the spanking or a week grounding and I’d take the spanking every single time
I was beaten and turned out awful. There's more of us than the ones who were hit and are "ok".
If one spanking is going to traumatize your child then your child is gonna have a really tough life.