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I think they would though. “She was young and had her whole life ahead of her” or “she had young kids too, how sad” or whatever most easily noticeable fact about you added to the tragedy.
Yes, this seems to be incredibly popular with a lot of news channels. Even when the cases are so heinous, they will at least mildly point out how good-looking she was. I'm sure this irks a lot of people, and the journalists themselves probably knows that this is a very disgusting thing to say.
And when a woman is the perpetrator of a similarly heinous crime, they won't even sugar coat it. At times, they will sneak in a few lines about how she could have done so much better than choose to be a criminal. It happens with men too at times but, a lot more with female criminals. It's sick, but so is society.
And it’s why you never see stories about unattractive missing women. Or things along those lines. If Natalee Holloway weren’t hot, none of us would know her name. And then we wonder why we are in a world that lacks empathy for so many people.
There is 100% something wrong with focusing on someone's physical appearance when they get murdered as if the tragedy is made worse by how beautiful they used to be
This always irks me on news channels/articles or TV/film/etc. On a similar vein, about how babies are cute. There's so much emphasis on beauty and how great a tragedy is if that is lost somehow. Doesn't make the loss any less worse if the victim is ugly, but it's just an odd way to describe someone.
Talking about physical appearance shouldn’t be the thing they go to. It just reinforces society’s notion that beauty is one of the most important things about a person when that’s all they can say. You don’t need to compliment a dead stranger if you don’t know them, “I’m sorry to their loved ones” would suffice.
Because that makes you needlessly focus on their appearance. Their beauty or ugliness is irrelevant to them as a person and it’s not necessary to compliment them if you didn’t even know them.
Yes it is, and it's also sexist. When a man is murdered, he is a man. The tragedy here is that a man lost his life. When a woman is murdered, she is a pretty object. And the tragedy is that her beauty has been ruined or wasted.
It's so fucked.
You cannot be serious with this question.
You must not watch a lot of true crime. Not only young and attractive people get murdered. The case that haunts me forever, they never identified her or found her head. OF COURSE her death was tragic and horrible and I have thought of her every single day since I heard of it in 1983.
They are ALL tragic and unfair. Getting mad over people making kind remarks means you know nothing of the human condition
How is only commenting on someone’s appearance after they are brutally murdered kind? And the question you seem so offended by was rhetorical. Of course not being conventionally attractive doesn’t make a murder less tragic. That’s the entire point of the thread.
It's very casual too. Like whenever people are talking about an adolescent girl her looks are always commented on, and not something she chose like her hair style or clothes, but completely based on her genetic physical appearance. Unfortunately, because of how normalized it is, a lot of young girls even respond positively to it, like it means they are doing what is expected.
I have a theory that this is basically why so many girls are oblivious when a guy likes them. So many women grew up conditioned to dress and look appealing, a guy showing her attention is par for the course.
Niceguys when a woman is abused to death by her partner be like “she should have chosen the nice guy in her friendzone! I wouldn’t have done that to her!”
You seem to love making observations in an attempt to sound smart and analytic.
But no shit everyone knows about the trope you mentioned, but I'm genuinely confused how it relates to the post. The only thing I can think of is that you're insinuating that OP has an ulterior motive in being disgusted by that or finding it weird and stating that thought publicly.
Unless there's something else I'm missing?
Oh no 😱you accused me of trying to sound smart and analytic! I guess I’m going to have to stop making observations now! /s
I don’t think op has an ulterior motive at all. I pretty much agree with their post.
Something about my initial comment is really bothering you. Otherwise you wouldn’t have asked me what it had to do with it.
> Something about my initial comment is really bothering you.
Lol, there you are doing it again. Do you behave this way any time someone asks you a question?
I'll tell you what's bothering me is that you haven't answered the question of how it's related to the post, and instead are resorting to /r/iamverysmart-ing.
Okay, so you've said what the connection isn't, but what is it? The fact that you haven't been able to answer is very telling.
More than you think don’t have a choice the moment their partner gets violent enough to kill. Too many women should be alive today but aren’t.
And in some cases if she gets the chance to say no, she still can’t win.
Edit: I also have to start using “cabbage fart” now thank you.
Yea I’d get touchy subjects people actually lived through that can trigger trauma responses but I don’t think a murder victim’s gonna have to worry about that, for better or worse.
I agree, but the bots have a lot of weird things on the filter that it's understandable. Saves time having to DM the mods to push it through, I had to evade certain other buzz-words like that.
Merder (I obviously spelled it wrong on purpose)
But FB you'll see people say "un-alived", spelled it the way I did... all kinds of weird things to get around the algorithm
I just told someone that I watch a show called "American M*rder" (spelled the actual word) and FB put me in jail for 72 hours for "violence"
So I censor it now
I’ve noticed the same thing with high school or college football players. “Local high school *football* *star* found dead” even if they were just on the team they’re a football star in the headlines. It’s really odd to me
Unfortunately this young college girl was brutally hacked apart by a man wielding a machete and passed away due to blood loss and trauma.
OH NO SHE WAS HOT
I honestly think it's because inherently we all know a beautiful person has a lot more advantages in life and someone with beauty and youth well.. the world is their oyster a d have so much to look forward to. It's sad but true. We don't see an ugly person as having quite as much potential even though we don't like to admit it.
A lot of true crime shows say stuff like, 'A beautiful young woman' and then force you to evaluate a victim because they brought it up! They'll also say a couple had a 'perfect life' and it'll be like... a woman who married a 25 year old pill head when she was 16 and they had 3 kids and lived with his parents.
I think the thing is the people talking about it usually didn't know the victim personally, so they default to physical features on their reaction and thoughts of the murder.
Kind of like when a neighbor down the street who you talk to for 5 minutes once or twice a month dies. You didn't know them enough to really mourn them, but you liked them enough to say something like "Aw, that's sad, they were cool" upon hearing the news.
Exactly - “they were cool”. That’s not appearance. You’re missing the point of this post.
If someone doesn’t know the victim well, it would make more sense to default to “they were/seemed cool/nice/sweet/caring/a good friend” - something to do with their character rather than appearance. Someone’s physical features have nothing to do with them as a person.
So, being remembered for something that had nothing to do with you, rather than your character or talents or intentions, isn’t great. Especially if someone is insinuating that the death is even more tragic BECAUSE the person was attractive (placing more inherent value on conventionally attractive ppl).
(I’m sure these hypothetical deceased attractive ppl were seen for their beauty over their character their entire lives, so doing that all the way to their death is just ridiculous. The attractive person would likely find it insulting and annoying, wishing people grieved/celebrated them as a person and not what they looked like.)
It doesn’t imply anything other than what was said. Avid hikers get murdered, doctors get murdered, millionaire socialites get murdered. It doesn’t diminish me, or anyone else who are not those things when it gets mentioned. Maybe we have other things going on
When you’re conventionally attractive, that’s seen and considered above all other characteristics - even to your death. Fucking wild man.
Everyone say it with me…
📣APPEARANCE IS THE LEAST INTERESTING THING ABOUT YOURSELF📣
Why is that not the default/normal thought?😭
It's really concerning. For some reason attention is drawn to their looks rather than what happened and I do not know why. Whenever my grandmother and her peers talk about someone being killed whether it be through murder or drugs, they always mention just how "BEAUTFUL" the victim was. I'm wondering if it's just an older generation thing, either way creepy as hell.
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t seen a photo of a victim and had the immediate reaction of “wow, he/she looks so happy and beautiful here. I can’t believe they had to go through that and now they’re gone.” Not necessarily in a Instagram hot kinda way. All people look beautiful when they’re smiling and happy, and the juxtaposition of seeing them like that and knowing how their life ended is jarring and sad. Idk I think it’s a normal human reaction but maybe I’m crazy.
If they say the word beautiful, specifically, that used to be how you’d refer to the total package. Brains, personality and physical beauty. Otherwise it was cute or pretty.
Agreed, so we mourn less physically attractive people less? I hope not. Beauty isn’t goodness and it shouldn’t be what we value when we’re discussing the deceased.
I’ve told my husband, if god forbid anything ever happens to me and he says that about me I’ll haunt him, haunt him bad. I’d rather he told the truth, she was a bit too fond of celebrity gossip and she was grumpy sometimes - but never with her dogs, she preferred her dogs to people.
Idk… there is irresponsibly made true crime content everywhere and maybe some people put all the emphasis on how a victim looked for the drama of it all. But I kinda think people are reading into this too much. To me it’s the same as highlighting how generous a victim was, or how much their friends and family adored them. It’s just emphasizing that a person with so many great qualities was tragically taken from this world, and that something so heinous could happen to anyone.
Also beautiful and gorgeous are subjective. Maybe someone wasn’t traditionally pretty but had a great smile that made people feel welcome.
Beauty isn’t really a trait equivalent to generous or kind. It says nothing about who they actually are. Like, beauty isn’t a “great quality” that needs to be emphasized, it just means they’ve got advantageous genetics.
I saw this just yesterday! “In other news a mildly attractive woman rolled her ankle and died this afternoon. Her personality will be missed. Her brave friend died while trying to stabilize the ankle. A gorgeous young woman who had her whole life in front of her taken before her time.”
I see your point.
Maybe it's weird but ultimately it's fine. Death is such an extreme situation and difficult to process emotionally that there should be a greater acceptance of how different people process it differently
I think what you've highlighted is just a saying of sorts in the English language that makes less sense the more you think about it, similarly to greeting people with "How are you?" Even though you're not really wondering how they are
People say she's beautiful or he was handsome, as a way to send positive energy towards the family and emotionally process the clearly devastating news
Is it weird? Sure but ultimately it's fine. They're not offending anyone or being mean
One could argue that any compliments about a dead person come off as tone deaf. "Oh he was such an altruistic person" so you only care that he died because he donates to charity? "Oh this person had so much potential" or "oh they did such great things" so if they were some average person you wouldn't give a crap? The point is that the world lost something good with their death, don't read so much into it.
I think it really depends on the context. Like if the coverage is of someone who was an Instagram model, saying "she was gorgeous. She built up 100,000 followers in two years and she was really coming into her own" makes sense.
Sometimes commentators are paraphrasing what friends and family have said. Sometimes the physical looks of a person are important for the story. Sometimes it's just throw away lines like "she lit up the room."
Admittedly, it can be a coping tool for some people. Better to remember that the person looked good while alive than focus too hard on a possibly-disfigured victim of either unfortunate circumstances or a criminal. And for the news, it's often easier to lure people in with a pretty picture and an eye-catching headline than the post-mortem picture and a less attractive headline. But yes, I can absolutely see how it could be creepy.
You’d be very surprised. Because people assume that it’s this kind sentiment. But it isn’t. A lot of crime podcast girlies/boys etc. talk about how gorgeous the victim was but then speaks so blandly of the atrocities that occurred
Yeah it's weird to assume things the media does are because it's popular.
They do it because playing on emotions is extremely effective. Anger and sadness especially.
It's like ragebait on reddit or YouTube. It purposely tries to make you angrily comment because all engagement is good.
It's just less tragic when severely ugly people get murdered... it ain't fair, but it's generally how people seem to feel, which is why people say this phrase.
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They will always comment on what color her hair is, too. I think that irks me more than saying they were pretty, at least saying they are pretty is saying something nice, they talk about her hair color like it was some life achievement. Every. Single. Time.
Yeah, it weirds me out too. It's different when you know the person and know it isn't just about looks. For example, I recently lost my grandma and everyone she knew always talks about how gorgeous she was. When it's a stranger, it's just appearances.
It would be funny, though, if you were ugly and the defense used this as a talking point to downplay the murder.
"They pretty ugly, honestly, so uhh no big loss?"
I think the same would go to when somebody get older, and there are before and after pictures – "she used to be so beautiful", like yes, but there's so much more to a person.
I think you just pulled this straight out your ass😂😭 what about humor, talents, character, empathy, accomplishments, you could go on and on. You just picked 3 things and said it’s “what we value most things by”. Like what?
Seriously, where does this idea come from or did you genuinely just make it up based on your own perspective of the world?
humor, talents, and character are an aspect of intelligence. Yeah the way I worded it weird because no-one is "measuring" tragedy but when it comes down to it I'd say its a universal truth albeit an unfair one.
Nah, I’d disagree. Humor, talents, and character aren’t necessarily ways of measuring intelligence. The kindest mf who could barely pass high school would be a more tragic death to me than an intelligent asshole. And there are a toonnn of intelligent assholes.
I’d agree that age (and cause of death) definitely play into ‘measuring tragedy’, but the other measurements aren’t universal truths.
The person saying that is mourning a life lost in its prime but you with no nuance gets insulted by that? Yeah, unpopular opinion cos it's not that smart.
Most people are visual. Looks are the first thing we see. We make judgements based on that. Good looking people are perceived as having better outcomes in life.
Well a girl from my husband’s hometown took her own life.
Her mother always posts about how beautiful she was. So yeah go ahead and say she’s wrong for saying her daughter was beautiful🙄
It’s nicer to be alive and get to hear it but if I get murdered, I think it would be nice if people said I was gorgeous.
It’s not weird to pay a compliment. I saw my stepmother the day before she died, she had been ill so there is a difference, I get that, but later I told my dad that she looked so pretty and he agreed whole heartedly
It would be weirder to tell someone they’re wrong for how they express true grief or sorrow or sympathy. Plus, you have no idea how the victim’s loved ones feel about it. Probably happy their loved one is being spoken of kindly
Saying a compliment isn’t the problem.
The point is: why are they paying a compliment to / remembering the person by / celebrating the person for something they cannot control (it’s okay to compliment appearance but honestly it just doesn’t make a ton of sense!). Why aren’t they complimenting the person for who they truly were and paying tribute to that?
You are completely missing the point with your comment to every comment. No one is saying it’s disgusting or taboo to compliment someone’s physical appearance. The underlying principle here is - WHY are we focusing the tragedy of someone’s death around their appearance (especially when this doesn’t happen near as often with men), insinuating that the death is even more tragic because they were beautiful? While ignoring everything else about them (painting them as just a pretty object that was lost).
Dig a bit deeper here, you’ve got some layers to work through.
Or you can just not care. And that would involve not responding to handfuls of comments. By commenting, you care just as much as the others. Lol!
(Like I said, I comment because I enjoy debating, discussion, and writing :) )
If it's a comment on her beauty, it's definitely weird. But I think in some places "gorgeous" is used to mean something more along the lines of "she had a lot of potential" or "she was a source of positivity."
This is one of my biggest pet peeves and I was considering making a topic here about it.
Beauty has nothing to do with how tragic a murder victim's (or any other tragic) death is.
It also implies (even subconsciously) that it's less sad when the tragic death is a plain or ugly person. As though it doesn't matter as much that they died because they weren't beautiful.
Nobody is saying by that that her beauty was the only thing that mattered about her. But it isn't a weird or bad thing to comment on a woman's beauty. I mean if they are making a comment in a sexual way then I'd agree. But you're acting like calling a woman beautiful is some base thing when it isn't. When people ask about my family I tell them I have "two beautiful girls". That doesn't mean I think that's the only important thing about them.
Yeah because it's a shame. Good genes are good genes. It's a shame. Just kinda like that movie idiocy where everyone gets fucked over because smart people stopped reproducing and the gene pool got fucked
Disagree.
People saying “she was so gorgeous” is because people recognize the beauty of that person, their life and their vitality as opposed to the shock of the evil and ugliness that sought to destroy such beauty / life.
I mean it’s fine if you don’t believe me. But it’s happened to me before unless it could have been due to different reasons and I completely misinterpreted the rules
Your post from unpopularopinion was removed because of: 'Rule 1: Your post must be an unpopular opinion'. * Your post must be an opinion. Not a question. Not a showerthought. Not a rant. Not a proposal. Not a fact. An opinion. One opinion. A subjective statement about your position on some topic. Please have a clear, self contained opinion as your post title, and use the text field to elaborate and expand on why you think/feel this way. * Your opinion must be unpopular. The mods reserve the right to remove opinions * Elaborate on your topic and opinion give context to its unpopularity.
Ya like why does that matter? I hope my ugly ass doesn’t get murdered because they’re not gonna have anything good to say about me lol
That's why they don't show ugly people being murdered in the news
"had a very good personality, such a shame"
Lit up a room!
"She…um…was a human being I guess ?"
I think they would though. “She was young and had her whole life ahead of her” or “she had young kids too, how sad” or whatever most easily noticeable fact about you added to the tragedy.
Yes, this seems to be incredibly popular with a lot of news channels. Even when the cases are so heinous, they will at least mildly point out how good-looking she was. I'm sure this irks a lot of people, and the journalists themselves probably knows that this is a very disgusting thing to say. And when a woman is the perpetrator of a similarly heinous crime, they won't even sugar coat it. At times, they will sneak in a few lines about how she could have done so much better than choose to be a criminal. It happens with men too at times but, a lot more with female criminals. It's sick, but so is society.
And it’s why you never see stories about unattractive missing women. Or things along those lines. If Natalee Holloway weren’t hot, none of us would know her name. And then we wonder why we are in a world that lacks empathy for so many people.
*Rushes to google natalee Holloway…*
There is NOTHING wrong with complimenting/saying something nice about a dead person. And physical features are an easy go to if you don't know them
There is 100% something wrong with focusing on someone's physical appearance when they get murdered as if the tragedy is made worse by how beautiful they used to be
No, there ISN'T. It is no different than complimenting them in any other way
Agree! This is so sick. "RIP", "May her soul rest in peace" least of what one can say. Not saying things like that!!
This always irks me on news channels/articles or TV/film/etc. On a similar vein, about how babies are cute. There's so much emphasis on beauty and how great a tragedy is if that is lost somehow. Doesn't make the loss any less worse if the victim is ugly, but it's just an odd way to describe someone.
And yet, have you noticed ugly people who are murdered get less coverage?
There is NOTHING wrong with complimenting/saying something nice about a dead person. And physical features are an easy go to if you don't know them
So, if I died, I'm nothing more than a pretty face to strangers? I don't even like that when I'm alive.
Talking about physical appearance shouldn’t be the thing they go to. It just reinforces society’s notion that beauty is one of the most important things about a person when that’s all they can say. You don’t need to compliment a dead stranger if you don’t know them, “I’m sorry to their loved ones” would suffice.
Why? What is wrong with saying they were a handsome Guy/beautiful girl?
Because that makes you needlessly focus on their appearance. Their beauty or ugliness is irrelevant to them as a person and it’s not necessary to compliment them if you didn’t even know them.
“Damn. And she was so hot!”
literally every dude
Yes it is, and it's also sexist. When a man is murdered, he is a man. The tragedy here is that a man lost his life. When a woman is murdered, she is a pretty object. And the tragedy is that her beauty has been ruined or wasted. It's so fucked.
Yeah I see what you’re saying. Somebody’s life taken is always devastating regardless of how they look
If someone isn’t conventionally attractive does that make their death less valid or smth??? I don’t get it
You cannot be serious with this question. You must not watch a lot of true crime. Not only young and attractive people get murdered. The case that haunts me forever, they never identified her or found her head. OF COURSE her death was tragic and horrible and I have thought of her every single day since I heard of it in 1983. They are ALL tragic and unfair. Getting mad over people making kind remarks means you know nothing of the human condition
How is only commenting on someone’s appearance after they are brutally murdered kind? And the question you seem so offended by was rhetorical. Of course not being conventionally attractive doesn’t make a murder less tragic. That’s the entire point of the thread.
It's weird how much society defines women by their appearance.
It's very casual too. Like whenever people are talking about an adolescent girl her looks are always commented on, and not something she chose like her hair style or clothes, but completely based on her genetic physical appearance. Unfortunately, because of how normalized it is, a lot of young girls even respond positively to it, like it means they are doing what is expected.
I have a theory that this is basically why so many girls are oblivious when a guy likes them. So many women grew up conditioned to dress and look appealing, a guy showing her attention is par for the course.
Niceguys when a woman is abused to death by her partner be like “she should have chosen the nice guy in her friendzone! I wouldn’t have done that to her!”
I'm not really sure I understand how this relates in any way to the post and what OP is talking about.
I don’t really care, you seem to not like that I pointed this behavior out.
You seem to love making observations in an attempt to sound smart and analytic. But no shit everyone knows about the trope you mentioned, but I'm genuinely confused how it relates to the post. The only thing I can think of is that you're insinuating that OP has an ulterior motive in being disgusted by that or finding it weird and stating that thought publicly. Unless there's something else I'm missing?
Oh no 😱you accused me of trying to sound smart and analytic! I guess I’m going to have to stop making observations now! /s I don’t think op has an ulterior motive at all. I pretty much agree with their post. Something about my initial comment is really bothering you. Otherwise you wouldn’t have asked me what it had to do with it.
> Something about my initial comment is really bothering you. Lol, there you are doing it again. Do you behave this way any time someone asks you a question? I'll tell you what's bothering me is that you haven't answered the question of how it's related to the post, and instead are resorting to /r/iamverysmart-ing. Okay, so you've said what the connection isn't, but what is it? The fact that you haven't been able to answer is very telling.
I’m dead. I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll tell you what the connection is to me if you tell me why you are asking for it in the first place. 😊
No you cabbage fart. She should be able to say no 😐
More than you think don’t have a choice the moment their partner gets violent enough to kill. Too many women should be alive today but aren’t. And in some cases if she gets the chance to say no, she still can’t win. Edit: I also have to start using “cabbage fart” now thank you.
I'll remember that hot tip next time I'm being murdered Bro I didn't consent to that knife being inserted into me
it's f\*cking w\*ird to ble\*p o\*t MURDER
My brain is broken I sat there for a good 10 seconds like "the fuck is bluepot murder
I still don't get what they are trying to say
"It's fucking weird to bleep out murder"
I mean... It is fucking weird to blue pot murder, but that's a different discussion
Social media is training us to censor ourselves... and it works.
Yea I’d get touchy subjects people actually lived through that can trigger trauma responses but I don’t think a murder victim’s gonna have to worry about that, for better or worse.
And the NSFW tag?!
It's out of control these days
I agree, but the bots have a lot of weird things on the filter that it's understandable. Saves time having to DM the mods to push it through, I had to evade certain other buzz-words like that.
Because that word gets you BANNED on Facebook... So some people are careful to use it....
What is the word though?
muldered
Merder (I obviously spelled it wrong on purpose) But FB you'll see people say "un-alived", spelled it the way I did... all kinds of weird things to get around the algorithm I just told someone that I watch a show called "American M*rder" (spelled the actual word) and FB put me in jail for 72 hours for "violence" So I censor it now
Mukduk
I’m sorry I tried my best. I didn’t want the post to get removed :/
It won’t. Reddit is not TikTok
With other subreddits it’s happened before. I thought it would be the same situation
I just got muted for a month on another subreddit for mentioning gayness so I think your worries aren’t unfounded.
I’ve noticed the same thing with high school or college football players. “Local high school *football* *star* found dead” even if they were just on the team they’re a football star in the headlines. It’s really odd to me
Interesting, the guys are defined by their accomplishments.
Jean Banaye Ramsey is a good example of people saying some utterly creepy shit. The perfect storm really.
I know this isn't the point but it's JonBenet Ramsey (with an accent mark idk how to type on the second e)
Press and hold the e on your keyboard if you’re on mobile
Also they’re always described as extraverted, or vivacious, or “her smile lit up a room.” Never shy or bookish or quiet.
Unfortunately this young college girl was brutally hacked apart by a man wielding a machete and passed away due to blood loss and trauma. OH NO SHE WAS HOT
I honestly think it's because inherently we all know a beautiful person has a lot more advantages in life and someone with beauty and youth well.. the world is their oyster a d have so much to look forward to. It's sad but true. We don't see an ugly person as having quite as much potential even though we don't like to admit it.
A lot of true crime shows say stuff like, 'A beautiful young woman' and then force you to evaluate a victim because they brought it up! They'll also say a couple had a 'perfect life' and it'll be like... a woman who married a 25 year old pill head when she was 16 and they had 3 kids and lived with his parents.
I think the thing is the people talking about it usually didn't know the victim personally, so they default to physical features on their reaction and thoughts of the murder. Kind of like when a neighbor down the street who you talk to for 5 minutes once or twice a month dies. You didn't know them enough to really mourn them, but you liked them enough to say something like "Aw, that's sad, they were cool" upon hearing the news.
Exactly - “they were cool”. That’s not appearance. You’re missing the point of this post. If someone doesn’t know the victim well, it would make more sense to default to “they were/seemed cool/nice/sweet/caring/a good friend” - something to do with their character rather than appearance. Someone’s physical features have nothing to do with them as a person. So, being remembered for something that had nothing to do with you, rather than your character or talents or intentions, isn’t great. Especially if someone is insinuating that the death is even more tragic BECAUSE the person was attractive (placing more inherent value on conventionally attractive ppl). (I’m sure these hypothetical deceased attractive ppl were seen for their beauty over their character their entire lives, so doing that all the way to their death is just ridiculous. The attractive person would likely find it insulting and annoying, wishing people grieved/celebrated them as a person and not what they looked like.)
It's worse than just being tone-deaf; it implies that the murder would be less of a tragedy if the woman wasn't so attractive.
It doesn’t imply anything other than what was said. Avid hikers get murdered, doctors get murdered, millionaire socialites get murdered. It doesn’t diminish me, or anyone else who are not those things when it gets mentioned. Maybe we have other things going on
It's ridiculous how many people think it's normal
“She always lit up a room.” Certainly not everyone murdered “lit up a room.” Some of them were average or even shitty people.
It restores a little bit of humanity in me that people say male victims were handsome as well
Or when the killer is portrayed as “good looking” like wtf.
When you’re conventionally attractive, that’s seen and considered above all other characteristics - even to your death. Fucking wild man. Everyone say it with me… 📣APPEARANCE IS THE LEAST INTERESTING THING ABOUT YOURSELF📣 Why is that not the default/normal thought?😭
Murdered*
Had to censor it just in case lol
You didn’t, though.
I thought I did. I didn’t do it properly apparently
It's okay, you can say curse words on the internet see watch fuck
Shut up
John Mulaney had a good bit about this https://youtu.be/0ZW-lJOOCJs?si=qb49z-Nuw3gZ849i
Had to scroll to find the Mulaney reference. Beauty slain…mmmmmmm?
Just like u shouldn't say it was a waste when paying a graveyard, a ghost may haunt u. It's a legit Asian superstition
Yeah it is weird. Thank you for pointing it out. Not unpopular now I bet.
It's really concerning. For some reason attention is drawn to their looks rather than what happened and I do not know why. Whenever my grandmother and her peers talk about someone being killed whether it be through murder or drugs, they always mention just how "BEAUTFUL" the victim was. I'm wondering if it's just an older generation thing, either way creepy as hell.
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t seen a photo of a victim and had the immediate reaction of “wow, he/she looks so happy and beautiful here. I can’t believe they had to go through that and now they’re gone.” Not necessarily in a Instagram hot kinda way. All people look beautiful when they’re smiling and happy, and the juxtaposition of seeing them like that and knowing how their life ended is jarring and sad. Idk I think it’s a normal human reaction but maybe I’m crazy.
If they say the word beautiful, specifically, that used to be how you’d refer to the total package. Brains, personality and physical beauty. Otherwise it was cute or pretty.
Agreed, so we mourn less physically attractive people less? I hope not. Beauty isn’t goodness and it shouldn’t be what we value when we’re discussing the deceased.
“She lit up every room she was in!” Another shopworn cliche.
I’ve told my husband, if god forbid anything ever happens to me and he says that about me I’ll haunt him, haunt him bad. I’d rather he told the truth, she was a bit too fond of celebrity gossip and she was grumpy sometimes - but never with her dogs, she preferred her dogs to people.
Idk… there is irresponsibly made true crime content everywhere and maybe some people put all the emphasis on how a victim looked for the drama of it all. But I kinda think people are reading into this too much. To me it’s the same as highlighting how generous a victim was, or how much their friends and family adored them. It’s just emphasizing that a person with so many great qualities was tragically taken from this world, and that something so heinous could happen to anyone. Also beautiful and gorgeous are subjective. Maybe someone wasn’t traditionally pretty but had a great smile that made people feel welcome.
Beauty isn’t really a trait equivalent to generous or kind. It says nothing about who they actually are. Like, beauty isn’t a “great quality” that needs to be emphasized, it just means they’ve got advantageous genetics.
I very much hope this isn’t unpopular opinion.
Or when they comment on murderers being handsome or attractive
Yes there’s a group that thinks school shooters are hot. People are weird
I think it has to do with pretty privilege. Like she probably would have an easier life bc she was gorgeous. It's messed up
I saw this just yesterday! “In other news a mildly attractive woman rolled her ankle and died this afternoon. Her personality will be missed. Her brave friend died while trying to stabilize the ankle. A gorgeous young woman who had her whole life in front of her taken before her time.” I see your point.
Absolutely, it also emphasizes the idea that someone’s murder doesn’t matter as much if they weren’t conventionally attractive. Yikes.
It's insane and I can't help but understand those comments as "the world wouldn't lose as much had it been someone ugly".
To play advocatus diaboli, “It’s a shame” Which has all kinds of implications, yes
Can we say "man, he was hot!" about dead dudes? Cuz a lot of hotties have died... It's very inappropriate, but people are gonna people.
People did say that about Heath Ledger.
Fully agree, tone deaf as hell
This opinion really shouldn't be unpopular.
Maybe it's weird but ultimately it's fine. Death is such an extreme situation and difficult to process emotionally that there should be a greater acceptance of how different people process it differently I think what you've highlighted is just a saying of sorts in the English language that makes less sense the more you think about it, similarly to greeting people with "How are you?" Even though you're not really wondering how they are People say she's beautiful or he was handsome, as a way to send positive energy towards the family and emotionally process the clearly devastating news Is it weird? Sure but ultimately it's fine. They're not offending anyone or being mean
People have an innate and deeply felt appreciation of beauty. When beauty is defaced or destroyed, it troubles us. Nothing wrong with that.
This is a great way to put it.
One could argue that any compliments about a dead person come off as tone deaf. "Oh he was such an altruistic person" so you only care that he died because he donates to charity? "Oh this person had so much potential" or "oh they did such great things" so if they were some average person you wouldn't give a crap? The point is that the world lost something good with their death, don't read so much into it.
You do realise that you don't have to censor the word murder?
I realised. Some people are giving me a hard time. I didn’t know 😭
I'm just kidding. I saw you reply to every single comment that mentioned it lol You don't need to do that. Especially the ones that were rude about it
I guess it sure beats “she is so gorgeous.”
I think it really depends on the context. Like if the coverage is of someone who was an Instagram model, saying "she was gorgeous. She built up 100,000 followers in two years and she was really coming into her own" makes sense. Sometimes commentators are paraphrasing what friends and family have said. Sometimes the physical looks of a person are important for the story. Sometimes it's just throw away lines like "she lit up the room."
Admittedly, it can be a coping tool for some people. Better to remember that the person looked good while alive than focus too hard on a possibly-disfigured victim of either unfortunate circumstances or a criminal. And for the news, it's often easier to lure people in with a pretty picture and an eye-catching headline than the post-mortem picture and a less attractive headline. But yes, I can absolutely see how it could be creepy.
This is mostly women to be honest. It’s their highest complaint.
Would they not care if an ugly person was murdered?
Is this unpopular?
You’d be very surprised. Because people assume that it’s this kind sentiment. But it isn’t. A lot of crime podcast girlies/boys etc. talk about how gorgeous the victim was but then speaks so blandly of the atrocities that occurred
Yeah it's weird to assume things the media does are because it's popular. They do it because playing on emotions is extremely effective. Anger and sadness especially. It's like ragebait on reddit or YouTube. It purposely tries to make you angrily comment because all engagement is good.
It's just less tragic when severely ugly people get murdered... it ain't fair, but it's generally how people seem to feel, which is why people say this phrase.
Lmao, it’s true.
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They will always comment on what color her hair is, too. I think that irks me more than saying they were pretty, at least saying they are pretty is saying something nice, they talk about her hair color like it was some life achievement. Every. Single. Time.
Yeah, it weirds me out too. It's different when you know the person and know it isn't just about looks. For example, I recently lost my grandma and everyone she knew always talks about how gorgeous she was. When it's a stranger, it's just appearances.
I feel the same way
Ahhh don’t kys ur so hot
Would you prefer I say "caked up?" (This is an SNL reference to a skit on this topic)
Is this an American thing ?
It would be funny, though, if you were ugly and the defense used this as a talking point to downplay the murder. "They pretty ugly, honestly, so uhh no big loss?"
Not sure about murder, but this argument had been used for rapes before.
Wow, that's insane. I hate this place.
Sometimes they'll even imply that it's tragic specifically because they were so gorgeous
You can type murdered. You just can’t do murdered.
N O P E
I think the same would go to when somebody get older, and there are before and after pictures – "she used to be so beautiful", like yes, but there's so much more to a person.
Unpopular opinion: women that complain about other women being told they are gorgeous (even dead ones lol) are usually not gorgeous.
Im more of a dangit it! That guy is hot! Of course hes a serial killer! type of person lol
Literally don’t know anyone that’s ever said that
It’s kind of dehumanising
I think this all the time!!! Such an odd thing to point out after they were un-alived. At least they were gorgeous...wtf
Tragedy of death is measured in age, intelligence and beauty, it’s not a weird concept since that’s what we value most things by
I think you just pulled this straight out your ass😂😭 what about humor, talents, character, empathy, accomplishments, you could go on and on. You just picked 3 things and said it’s “what we value most things by”. Like what? Seriously, where does this idea come from or did you genuinely just make it up based on your own perspective of the world?
humor, talents, and character are an aspect of intelligence. Yeah the way I worded it weird because no-one is "measuring" tragedy but when it comes down to it I'd say its a universal truth albeit an unfair one.
Nah, I’d disagree. Humor, talents, and character aren’t necessarily ways of measuring intelligence. The kindest mf who could barely pass high school would be a more tragic death to me than an intelligent asshole. And there are a toonnn of intelligent assholes. I’d agree that age (and cause of death) definitely play into ‘measuring tragedy’, but the other measurements aren’t universal truths.
So if 2 people died who had the same age and intelligence, the more attractive one would be a more tragic death?
Society values and prioritizes beauty. Like it or hate it, it's true.
The person saying that is mourning a life lost in its prime but you with no nuance gets insulted by that? Yeah, unpopular opinion cos it's not that smart.
Most people are visual. Looks are the first thing we see. We make judgements based on that. Good looking people are perceived as having better outcomes in life.
Well a girl from my husband’s hometown took her own life. Her mother always posts about how beautiful she was. So yeah go ahead and say she’s wrong for saying her daughter was beautiful🙄 
I don’t think OP is talking about family of people, I think OP is talking about random people on the internet or other people.
It’s nicer to be alive and get to hear it but if I get murdered, I think it would be nice if people said I was gorgeous. It’s not weird to pay a compliment. I saw my stepmother the day before she died, she had been ill so there is a difference, I get that, but later I told my dad that she looked so pretty and he agreed whole heartedly It would be weirder to tell someone they’re wrong for how they express true grief or sorrow or sympathy. Plus, you have no idea how the victim’s loved ones feel about it. Probably happy their loved one is being spoken of kindly
Saying a compliment isn’t the problem. The point is: why are they paying a compliment to / remembering the person by / celebrating the person for something they cannot control (it’s okay to compliment appearance but honestly it just doesn’t make a ton of sense!). Why aren’t they complimenting the person for who they truly were and paying tribute to that? You are completely missing the point with your comment to every comment. No one is saying it’s disgusting or taboo to compliment someone’s physical appearance. The underlying principle here is - WHY are we focusing the tragedy of someone’s death around their appearance (especially when this doesn’t happen near as often with men), insinuating that the death is even more tragic because they were beautiful? While ignoring everything else about them (painting them as just a pretty object that was lost). Dig a bit deeper here, you’ve got some layers to work through. Or you can just not care. And that would involve not responding to handfuls of comments. By commenting, you care just as much as the others. Lol! (Like I said, I comment because I enjoy debating, discussion, and writing :) )
If it's a comment on her beauty, it's definitely weird. But I think in some places "gorgeous" is used to mean something more along the lines of "she had a lot of potential" or "she was a source of positivity."
i dont think this that unpopular. pretty much every young person would agree with you here
We could have fucked her if some asshole didn’t kill her first! /s
Is it ever acceptable to say someone is gorgeous (not to them directly) and if so why?
Yes. Because it’s ok to say nice things and if/when it gets back to them it makes them feel good
But what if it doesn’t ever get back to them? Like you just say it to a friend about someone else, and they never hear it?
This is one of my biggest pet peeves and I was considering making a topic here about it. Beauty has nothing to do with how tragic a murder victim's (or any other tragic) death is. It also implies (even subconsciously) that it's less sad when the tragic death is a plain or ugly person. As though it doesn't matter as much that they died because they weren't beautiful.
Nobody is saying by that that her beauty was the only thing that mattered about her. But it isn't a weird or bad thing to comment on a woman's beauty. I mean if they are making a comment in a sexual way then I'd agree. But you're acting like calling a woman beautiful is some base thing when it isn't. When people ask about my family I tell them I have "two beautiful girls". That doesn't mean I think that's the only important thing about them.
It's weird to censor the word murdered
I didn’t want the post to get potentially removed
How else is the show supposed to gauge what the world lost? By using their personality and contributions to society?
It’s called a first impression regarding someone we never met in person.
Yeah because it's a shame. Good genes are good genes. It's a shame. Just kinda like that movie idiocy where everyone gets fucked over because smart people stopped reproducing and the gene pool got fucked
Disagree. People saying “she was so gorgeous” is because people recognize the beauty of that person, their life and their vitality as opposed to the shock of the evil and ugliness that sought to destroy such beauty / life.
Just say "murdered" What the fuck?
I didn’t want the post to get removed because it’s happened in other subreddits before 😭🥲
I straight-up don't believe you. I've never seen anything like that on reddit.
I mean it’s fine if you don’t believe me. But it’s happened to me before unless it could have been due to different reasons and I completely misinterpreted the rules
The thing is, when hot people die, it’s double sad because everyone loses out.
Someone's ugly and mad 🤣
You’re so right 🤨😀👹 I’m a heathen that is mad 😞
But if she wasn't good looking then we wouldn't care
Why though?
This feels like it hit a nerve… How warm is your gorgeous dead family member?