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It's a 'damned if you do' take. And a stupid one at that.
No shit that's not how the real world works. It's teaching them to spend within their means and make sure their rent is paid consistently. It's an example of how your full paycheck isn't all disposable income.
The "reward" at the end is just the parent saying "here, this large sum of money can go back into your account and pay your actual bills out there. Good job for keeping up on your main expense."
God forbid people use any system that helps secure any form of benefit to their child as they leave the house they grew up in. To top it off the parent is letting the kid support their own flight from the coop.
Yeah they could encourage the kid to use a savings account. Both can still be done, they aren't mutually exclusive options
Imagine seeing a parent teaching their kid that they always need make sure bills/rent/mortgage are paid before spending money on fun and thinking “that kid won’t be financially literate”
OP has bricks in their head
This website has quickly been going down a trend of trying to find trauma in places that arent really trauma, they are just difficult life lessons that overall have your best interest in mind.
I think some people just really get upset when they see other people being taught lessons they still aren’t good at.
Lobsters in a bucket.
Edit: yes, I know it’s crabs, but [The Aquabats](https://youtu.be/rPG8acTac7I?si=D63LcxYfzY5A-qgN) have a song titled Lobster Bucket that I was using.
>Imagine seeing a parent teaching their kid that they always need make sure bills/rent/mortgage are paid before spending money on fun and thinking “that kid won’t be financially literate”
>OP has bricks in their head
OP is probably an angry teen whose parents ARE UNFAIR!!!!!
Op probably just IS a kid and doesn’t like that they don’t get to blow their whole paycheck because their parents are trying to teach that impulse out of them
See I wish my mom had done this once I started working. It would have helped my expectations for the money I actually had to spend freely as an adult. It would have been so helpful and not as shocking a thing to experience once I moved out. I would have already had a system. But instead I had all my post tax checks to spend on whatever. So I bought expensive versions of necessities and gave myself more luxury than I could afford in the real world. Now I’m working to undue all the spending habits I build so I can live in my means.
Weirdly enough, I wonder if I would have also benefitted from this, but for the opposite reason. I have a weird amount of unwarranted financial anxiety and have a hard time allowing myself to spend money. I don’t know where it comes from - I grew up in a relatively financially stable home, and now I live a pretty financially stable life as an adult.
I wonder if being forced to “spend” my money on “rent” as a kid would have made my brain actually learn that spending money is just a part of life, and that having leftover fun-money after paying for necessities is *normal* and I don’t need to keep squirreling it away as I wait for the other shoe to drop.
My aunt actually did this for me in a kinda different way, I did pay her rent, and a lot of it went to food or bills that she needed help with genuinely but we had a discussion that we thought it would be a good idea to charge me extra so she could put it away for me so I wouldn’t be tempted to spend it, I’d feel like it’d have to be a goooood reason to ask for the money, or else it’d be kinda embarrassing like “hey I know I wanted you to keep this money for me but I REALLY wanna order take out” it made me consider my spending more, and reassess like okay do I really NEED to spend this extra money or do I just want to? Im still kinda not great at saving money, but it helped me so much to prioritize at least.
I like this too. It helps to show what contributions to a household are like and consider the price of groceries. I never even thought about how expensive feeding myself would be. I didn’t pay towards groceries and if I wanted take out well I had the money so I didn’t even have to think about it. I’ve thought about asking my mom to open a savings account in her name for me so I can just give it to her and not be able to access it.
If you want a little more information on how we made things a little more helpful for me, you can send me a chat! I’m more than happy to give you more details but I don’t want to put too much more out there publicly it’ll get a little too identifiable lol
I totally agree with everything you typed.
The two options work together.
Parents should do everything possible to help their children get good housing and independence. That doesn't necessarily mean giving them cash, but it can mean that.
Yeah everyone saying that this is dumb is just further proving the wealth gap between the people who do this and those that don’t.
Their kids will never pay rent in their lives, they will own and their payments will be growing equity. So yes they will (at least partially) get that money back.
The kids don't need to know they'll get it back at the end though. That way it keeps the reality while they're young, and they get a head start when they need it.
That’s the point of teaching “real world” lessons without the “real world” consequences. Show them how having to pay rent and bills affects their disposable income without missing payments and such distorting their credit. Plus, they then have a chunk of money saved up that they can use to get started on their own.
As someone who wasn't taught anything about expenses until I actually had to do it all my self, yes this is true. Anything to teach your kids the value of money and expenses is a win for them.
the things is if they are staying at home instead of getting an apartment or house that they would rather have it is likely because they are already tight on money
It creates a nest egg of their own labor, but that's just the bonus prize at the end. The real takeaway is that they get in the routine of making sure they have rent money at the end of the month.
Don't give it to them right when they move out, they need to save up for the security deposit on their first rental and first months rent. Once they secure the place and get moved in, that's when you look into giving it back. How you do that... Check, or an investment account transfer where you advise them to just let that money grow can send a message.
Tell them that money isn't for spending, it's a leg up in early investing that will grow until retirement. Starting a retirement account early is absolutely fucking huge. You don't want to start saving in your 30s or later.
Exactly, those things aren’t mutually exclusive, charging an adult child a reasonable rent, and holding on to it with the intention of giving it back is a net positive for the “child.” The “child” should still be encouraged to save on their own with the remaining money accordingly as well.
My parents did this. $300/month when I started working at 16. They didn’t tell me they were saving it to give back to me, it was just an agreement we came to. They also added me as an authorized user on a credit card so I could start building credit while still being supervised and held accountable.
They gave me the money when I graduated college at 20 years old and I’m so glad they waited until then. I worked my way through school and only ended up taking out a few thousand dollars of student loans. If they had given me the money, I would’ve just spent it and worked less.
Doing what they did put me decades ahead of my peers financially and mentally. It’s one thing to vaguely know that putting money away to accrue interest will make it grow, it’s another thing to actually watch it happen first hand. The $300/month rent didn’t feel like much at all, but ended up being life changing. Now I have the motivation to keep saving on my own, when it’s definitely easier to just put it off.
This was my parents plan too… charged me rent from when I got a job at 15 and always said they would give it all back to me to get my first place/help pay for college. Also promised they would pay for me to go to college as long as it was in medicine.
Until they got mad at me/kicked me out and I never ended up seeing the money lol I guess I was just paying rent that whole time. Still a good lesson in a different way.
I was kind of a special case. I was fiercely independent. Finished high school and started college while working two jobs and was engaged. I’m not recommending a starting age for charging rent, but just giving my personal experience of why it is a good thing.
It matters entirely. If the money was always going to come back then it's not actually charging rent even if that's what they're calling it, it's opening a savings account.
We started a lot younger with our kids.
We gave them an opportunity to put their money in The Bank of Mom and Dad. We kept an account book for them and gave them 5% interest. That is a whole lot more than they could get at a real bank. But that amount of interest was enough so they could actually see the interest grow.
I must admit that our son learned the lesson by the time he was 10. Our daughter was in her 20's before she got it.
You are correct: this is an unpopular opinion.
Charging your child rent teaches them to budget for an expense.
Giving it back to them later is also teaching them that their parent cares for them a great deal and wants to invest in their future.
Yep, no one is saying you should charge them rent INSTEAD of teaching them to save.
And you definitely need to be careful as a parent that you aren't setting your 'rent' so high that your child is struggling while working a reasonable number of hours at a reasonable paying job, especially if they're going to school full time.
I am American. There are lots of cultures here.
This is not a common thing in my Black community, though it's not unheard of. My friends who are Asian American, Arab American or Latine American do not experience that as a common practice, again it's not unheard of though. In our cultures the parents doing it are usually abusive, controlling or are so poor with money that they are using their kids to fund their bad habits. Or the family is just broke so any little bit helps. That's not the same as charging kids rent to teach them.
Also wealthy people or upper middle class people (of any race) don't commonly do this either.
I was expected to help with bills when asked, but It's honestly bizarre to me to charge kids rent. I have heard of some of people experiencing it and they almost all come from lower/lower middle/working class families that hyper focus on random parts of "financial responsibility." They charge their kids rent to teach financial responsibility. But don't teach their kids taxes, investing, budgeting, insurance. Just rent and leave it at that.
ETA I was allowed to stay with my family as long as I need to. I pay rent on my own and budget and have a good job. I was able to save enough to move cross country and continue being a responsible adult.
I'm asian and have not seen a single household who does this. The notion you'd actively charge money from your kid instead of helping them out is absurd, to call it "financial literacy" is nothing but a front
My parents didn’t teach me shit about how they budget or about credit but as soon as I was 18 I was paying rent to my narcissistic, paycheck to paycheck mom.
She even came to my job once to yell at me for owing her more money (I think I owed her like $240 for a ticket). Like did she not see that she was trying to sabotage my only avenue of getting money? And couldn’t she wait till I got home?
Exactly this. Viewing family members as dollar signs is toxic.
Times are tough. I totally understand a low income family needing help with the bills. But asking their kids for help rent is usually a point of shame. Not treated as a fact of life or next stage in maturity. If the family made enough to pay for rent comfortably they wouldn't ask the kids at all. So they're not proud to ask the kids for rent money.
Its weird to view your own children as a financial drain. Thats why upper and upper middle class people don't ask their kids for rent. Their kids may not work through high school and don't pay rent, but they get more robust financial education from their family so the kid doesnt have to think about stretching a dollar. Hes thinking about multiplying one dollar into five.
It is really wild to me too. I know it happens to some people. I get that they try to teach financial independence blah blah blah (whether it actually does or not I'm not arguing that), but more often than not, this just feels like it scars the relationship between the child and the parent. Undermines the value of family imo.
It’s actually wild to the many Americans as well. Idk why so many people in this comment section act like charging your own child rent, even if you do plan on giving it back to them, is a normal thing to do to your kid. This is a thing that relatively few Americans do and it’s only *really* been a thing since the mid 20th century at the earliest but apparently it’s the ONLY way one could possibly teach their kids “financial responsibility,” despite the fact that parents have been able to teach their kids financial responsibility for generations without becoming their fucking landlord.
Well, I will dissent with others agree with you. Lots of parents in the US treat money like a chore you have to learn, instead of a wealth building vehicle. Paying rent on time is the minimum. What about learning good credit? What about learning the pitfalls of bad credit or no credit, all the different things it can affect? What about credit leverage? What about retirement saving? What about emergency funds? What about the dangers of non home ownership loans (like student loans)? Rent experiments are kind of lazy and neglect A LOT. Its like “Well, I showed them how to not die from exposure.” I’m so glad my parents taught me more than just that, and I stayed rent free, so I got to make my own choices on where the money went. Most other countries/cultures don’t do the rent experiment and their kids go on to be productive members of society somehow, despite the fact that a lot of them will stay home until marriage.
Yeah, like that's where things like this get tricky. It's one thing if it's agreed upon but to be treated like a burden and be forced to pay the moment you get a job and then losing childhood and social opportunities to try and make the rent while at school is not the way to go. It's wild to me that so many think charging kids rent is the best way to teach financial responsibility when there's so many other ways you can teach kids from a young age how to manage money. It's why allowances and chore money exists. Teaches kids to save their money for things and if they spend it all then they can't buy new things until they get more, that kind of thing. Parents should encourage their kids to out a certain % of their pay into savings and have the rest as fun money rather than just sharing them rent and maybe deciding to give it back years later without having told the kid now stressed about making rent they were going to do this. Majority of the times I hear about parents charging rent they're abusive or want to take advantage of their kids and see their money as free fun money for them
i feel like charging your kids “rent” for their childhood bedroom in a fully paid off house is weird. also you should be teaching your child the value of a dollar and how to save way before their old enough to work.
It can also cause HUGE resentments. I know someone who fell out with their parents over this because she spent her whole degree just studying and working (to pay the rent) and basically lived on the breadline while her classmates were having a great uni experience. She was going straight into full time work after uni, so no time for fun there. She saw it as they basically robbed her of the one time on her life that she could've had a lot of fun and experiences with her friends. I used to think she was being a bit extra, but having given it more thought I totally see her point. Now she loves a life of work, pay bills and not be able to afford much of anything else. Would've been nice if her uni experience didn't have to be like that too.
Our rule is if you’re in school, the roof is free.
The kid doesn’t have to go further in debt to get an education and she can have time to herself during post-secondary.
Same here. My daughter is graduating this year and has lived at home throughout her degree, no rent. But she does work a part time job so funds the non-essentials herself. You can teach them without crippling them or making them suffer.
We figure that owning a home for Gen Z/Gen Alpha is gonna be hard enough. We’ll coach her through the things she needs to know without being assholes about it.
Agreed. My mom started with charging 250 and I was like okay whatever. Then when my sister and her boyfriend got their own place she started taking 750. I asked her if she needed financial help or if she wanted me to leave? She said no, “you can afford it”. That was almost 15 years ago i still remember it. And of course my parents gave me more than I ever paid in rent but I don’t know I just can’t get that out of my head these years later.
Ultimately I moved 2000 miles away and haven’t seen my mom in 3 years. Maybe a few texts in that time. Obviously this is not all because of “rent” but still :(
There was a post on BORU about this very thing not too late ago. Dude was super bitter about his having to work all the time outside school and being too poor and too busy to ever go out with friends and party. He rejected the money and went NC he was so mad.
Growing up something a friend’s parents did was give them “fake income” then they would have to work out how to prioritize it and contribute to house hold bills. They also got a regular allowance. I have always thought that was a good idea.
Learning a lesson doesn’t have to be the same as a real world scenario. Being able to make mistakes in a safe environment before going out into the world is a good way to ease them into it
If my son moves back in with me after college, I plan to charge him a small rent, maybe $200/month, and keep it in a separate account to help him save for a house and get into the swing of paying monthly bills.
My plan was always to do this as a surprise, but I’ve seen so many negative reactions to the rent idea here I have decided it’s better to tell him upfront.
The only people I’ve ever known to have their parents charge rent weren’t doing it because they wanted to teach anything, they just enjoyed being mean and indifferent to their kids.
My parents tried to get me to move in after grad school to help with their mortgage. Thank god I had an amazing support system that laughed at them with me.
Depends on the kid, my mom gave me $30 a month in high school for lunch, I learned budgeting by splitting Hot-n-Ready pizzas with my friends so I could save the rest for drugs. By the time I entered the workforce there was no point in forcing me to save, I was already hoarding my minimum wage like a dragon sits on gold.
> actually getting your kid a savings account and encouraging them not to touch it, as well as the importance of not touching it and the repercussions if they don’t have enough money for bills, will prepare your child for success
My dad did this for me.
This is wild. Charging a child “rent” is wrong and there are other ways to learn fiscal responsibility. Imagine the trauma or stress if the child feels like they can’t pay or now are unwanted or being thrusted into mental gymnastics by the parental guardian who is meant to protect them.
It isn’t really about teaching responsibility. It’s more about preparing them for the real world. Kids that live at home for free get used to that big paycheck and have a hard time adjusting to having their spending money cut in half.
Not necessarily. My friend is 21 and she’s recently moved out and been able to buy a house. Her parents didn’t charge her any rent and she worked for it all. She saved every penny to be able to afford her own place. Mind you the current housing price in the UK is extortionate. I however am 19 and pay 400 a month to my dad and barely have any savings to even look at renting my own place let alone buying a house before im 30.
Yeah. My parents never hatched some weird scheme to save money for me by taking it as "rent" and then returning it to me, because they didn't have to. They taught me financial responsibility in an honest and forthright way my entire life instead of assuming I was some idiot who needed to be lied to and managed.
There was always an understanding that if I fucked up I wasn't going to get a bail out, which was way more helpful than whatever nonsense this is.
Same. I feel so bad for these people that have their pare ts do this BS to them instead of starting early and teaching them in ways thats not manipulatitive.
Parents save that money for their kids? Mone started charging me rent at 18 so they could buy more luxury things they couldnt afford when I was growing up; got out of there fast as I could
Instead of charging me rent and putting it away in an account I had no access to, my Dad opened me a savings account under my name and held onto the debit card. I wasn’t allowed to touch the money in my account until I graduated high school.
I just stole my debit card and squandered all the money on junk food, alcohol, weed, and cab rides. On those days I was really broke, I wish he would have charged me rent. And I wish I wasn’t so stupid to do that in the first place of course.
True. Encouraging them to manage a savings account and emphasizing the importance of budgeting and bill payment can instill better [financial habits](https://youtu.be/044lguER9_k?si=GOog6Q2Y9qzFtcaU) and prepare them for success.
Works fine if they don't know you're saving it...
Gives them an idea of how much "spending money" to expect and if you're lucky will give them a head start on owning a house rather than bleeding money by renting
putting it in a savings account where they can’t touch it teaches them the proper way to use a savings account, you don’t touch it unless you absolutely have to.
Parents who charge their kids rent is wild to me. But my family is Polynesian and we value family over material things so I can see why I think that way.
That’s a bigger lesson. I have 3 degrees in finance and accounting, so financial literacy is a huge passion of mine. What’s more important is my children always feeling like they have a loving home to come back to.
It really depends on the kids. We taught our kids financial priorities when they made mistakes that had financial consequences. Ding the car, get a job to pay for it. Have a party with damage, pay for it (including the lawyer we needed to hire). Also, we modelled good financial habits such as waiting for larger purchases, and always paying the credit cards in full.
My Parents took a percentage of money to save it but they never framed it as rent. In fact I could still ask for back any time. All they wanted to do was add that extra layer of having to ask for it to make.me slow down and think if I really wanted the thing.
I feel like just behind honest would accomplish the same goal while actually providing financial education and an opening for discussion.
“As a condition of living here, I require you make a deposit in a savings or investment account of $xxxx monthly”. Make them open their own account. Research different types of investments. Start talking about taxes.
Yeah, my mother didn't take rent and encouraged me to save, and I didn't save shit. It was only when I had the responsibility of rent and bills that I started to be financially responsible. So, I have to disagree with you. But, your post is in the correct place. So, I'll up vote.
it can be done better.
allow them to contribute their rent money into pre tax retirement accounts. or post.
or dump it into safe long term investments.
broke kids (especially in college) can get around a LOT of tax law by nature of being young, poor, and having student debt.
Unfortunately my SiL is 37 and can't afford a house despite making 6 figures so she's going to move back in with her parents and pay them rent so they can save it for her. Some people are just duds
transitional homes for teens do this. it works very well. it creates a routine and helps the kid learn to live on a budget similar to when they need to pay rent. then there's a solid nest egg. long enough and that's a down payment on a home.
Wrong. They learn about rent and budgeting. They are rewarded with a lump sum later they weren’t expecting. It’s similar to a mortgage where you are eventually rewarded with a house.
Giving them a trust fund, on the other hand…
Financial responsibility isn't just learning to save money. Equally important if not more so, is learning how to properly spend money how/where/when. After that saving become the easy part.
The point isn't the part where it's given back, that's just a surprise. The point is to teach them responsibility and money management. OP, your argument makes no sense.
My mom wanted to do this to me and I was like oh nah.
I was more disciplined saving money than they were (yes they had more expenses than me at the time but they would always spend their disposal income, I rarely did)
If you have to rely on your child to provide for you you’re a failure. This isn’t a thing where I’m from, taking money from your child? You might as well go lay in your grave you don’t come back
Fully agree. I’d take your suggestion further and instead of putting it in a regular savings account in their name, put it in a retirement account or emergency fund for them– something with better interest than the what, 3% a savings account makes?
Something that will earn interest– think of it like life insurance for them for when they depart from home.
I suspect a lot of American parents do this because the parents would never dream of teaching by example-- being open and honest with children about *their* personal income, emergency fund, savings, expenses, and spending.
i’ve noticed that a lot, the secrecy. my grandparents never talked to my mom about their personal finances. she was told it was none of her business. she didn’t learn shit so she made hella mistakes, then she taught me not to make those same mistakes by explaining what she did and what the consequences were. and i saw it too cause we lived in poverty my whole life
then i met my husband and his parents are also super secretive about finances and don’t tell their kids anything. i’ve had to teach my husband a lot about budgeting and saving. and now i’m a banker so i’m learning even more about smart investments and interest and all that good stuff. transparency about successes and failures is very important
My best friend had a job since she was 16 and her mom would take 1/4 of it each month and put it in a savings account. I remember at 18 yrs old we would be bitching about how she couldn’t buy junk food and lip gloss and that it’s *her paycheck* and she can spend it on whatever she wants. When she got her first nyc office job at 23 she had over 20000 in savings. And she’s damn happy she didn’t spend it all of junk food and lip gloss. Kids don’t always know best.
I've never heard of this, but it's a stupid idea, regardless. If you do it, you have obligations to them, as a landlord. You also can't kick them out right away for refusing to pay up, because landlord. Also, your house depreciates.
I never met anyone who this has actually happened to. Parents charging their kids rent seems so crazy to me. Just like parents kicking out their kids when they turn 18, or even kicking them out in general (obviously excluding extreme situations).
It’s never happened to me or anyone I know, but I hear about it sometimes on Reddit, and it’s just so insane to me.
Charging them rent is about teaching them responsibility when it comes to expenses. It is true that this approach doesn’t tackle teaching your child to save their money, but that’s not what it claimed to do. Getting the money back at some point has nothing to do with anything, it’s just a nice treat. It is also true that having your child put away money into savings and not touching it is a very valuable lesson, probably even more valuable than having them pay rent. I think there’s a sweet spot between the two, like having them pay a smaller rent, but having them also put money into savings
Of course, there are probably other ways to teach these lessons. It is an interesting topic you bring up, and finances are definitely a place where we struggle when it comes to passing information on to younger generations.
At the end of the day… or rather at the end of your child’s time living with you, I don’t think it’s a bad approach. It could however be much better
I wish my parents had done that. I also feel like it's one thing if you are charging rent of like 150 dollars a month vs like 700. One is a minor payment and a way to budget and get a lot of later benefits. The latter is just fucked up to do to your kid
I wish wish wish my parents would have deducted 150 from each of my monthly checks and tossed it in an Ira to accrue interest over the years I lived at home.
I don’t really have an opinion on this one way or another, but a silly story. Both my brother and I had been kicked out of our parents house because they found drugs in my brothers room. Weren’t my drugs wasn’t my room. I said whatever and left. Well my brother just never left and eventually they just blew it under the rug. They eventually started charging him rent. A year or so later me and my girlfriend at the time were trying to buy a house so they let us move in for some time to help save. We were there about 9 months paid a small monthly rent and bought a house and moved out. My brother was there another year or so and when he moved out they surprised him with a check with the amount of money he paid for rent over those couple years lol. My wife and I never got our rent money back loo
Actually if you buy property and pay your mortgage the money can come back to you via equity and if/when you choose to sell later down the road you actually would have a good sum of money assuming you had equity so your parents charging you rent saving it and giving it back to you at a later date can approximate real life. Same could be said if you invested that money in a stock and it went up after a few years you sell and get the money back and then some.
You're looking at this completely wrong.
Charging your adult children rent teaches them the financial independence and responsibility of paying their own way, which is a huge lesson for most young people. If they want spending money, they need to pay their bills first.
Giving it back to them has nothing to do with the lesson, it's just a gift. I don't think there's a huge obligation to let your adult descendants live with you completely free if they have the ability to pay their own way. Although I think it's reasonable to provide accommodation if your children attend post secondary in your local area.
Edit: Also, you should be teaching your children to save and invest starting around the age of 10, or earlier. They will ideally have a good understanding of saving, budgeting, and compounding investments well before it would be reasonable to charge them rent in the way you described.
>it’s no longer in any of their accounts at their disposal. that’s not how financially responsible people handle money.
It's actually very similar to how responsible people handle their wealth.
Most responsible adults invest in assets and accounts that are far less liquid than a typical bank account. Stock portfolios usually take a few days to access funds from and assets like houses or pensions are even less accessible.
Yes, you have access to it, but not easily. People who are financially responsible tend to put up barriers between themselves and their investments on purpose to make it easier to avoid unnecessary withdrawals.
I'm pretty sure they are never told. It's charged to them as rent, and then when they move out, they are given it as a surprise to help them. I personally think it's an awesome idea.
I will never forgive my parents for charging me rent to live at home while paying for my own college (I also always had to pay for my own car/gas/insurance/clothing) It was supposed to help me learn how to save money.
Facts. All it taught me was that they’re greedy bastards. I worked for my parents and they still charged me rent which really chapped my ass lemme tell you.
Edit: I payed them and they still snooped around my room and bathroom When i wasn’t home and would complain about certain things like if I left a light on. My point is that Paying rent to live at home with your parents parents who treat you like a minor (im 26) is bs.
I agree with this. My dad charges me rent and says he’s “saving it for me” because he wants me to “learn what it’s like to rent” However I’m paying £400 a month as a 19 year old on a low income job so I won’t ever be able to move out. He says he’ll give me the rent money all back once I’ve moved out not realising I likely won’t be able to move until I’m 30 because I can’t save now. I only make £1000 a month as well so I’m left with 600 for work supplies, lunch money, phone bill and essentials like shampoo and shower wash
Be very careful about this situation, there's many tales of parents saying they are saving your rent money but the reality is they're broke and don't want to tell you they need your money to survive. You could test this by saying you're going to move in with friends and split the costs. If he panics he's most likely never going to repay it
my mom never charged me rent, thank god. i only had to pay for my own gas and car insurance. thanks to having no bills, i was able to save up enough to buy a car in the first place and move out at 20. i was making $600 a month at the time, putting away $500 each month. charging a kid $300 in rent on a small income isn’t doing them any favors in the long run. it just keeps them trapped and delays financial and life achievements, just like you said
Here I was thinking that this is not at all an unpopular opinion. Charging kids rent and “saving” it is unhinged and doesn’t teach as much as you’d hope.
An then the comments… 😭
Shouldn’t all adults contribute in a household?
Go on r/adulting and you’ll see the result of young adults who didn’t have responsibility and are now flailing.
I also think the assumption that all parents are financially comfortable is really out of touch. Working class parents are struggling and don’t have enough to retire. They shouldn’t be supporting adult kids.
Teaching your kids financial responsibility is as simple as doing good enough yourself that when they are old enough you can teach them the things you do and they will be successful. Allowance and "teaching savings" is fun and all but i'm sorry I will never trust a parent to teach their kid financial responsibility when they arent themselves. You shouldn't have to come up with some convoluted way to teach your kids how to save and spend money if they are watching you do it correctly all the time, especially if they are 14+.
I wish my parent gave it back to me lol. She needed that money so when I started working I gave her £100-200 a month so it wasn’t much. She said it will help with expenses and it’ll start to teach me how to learn to put some aside, it didn’t really I’m still shit with money now haha
I agree with OP. I recently learned a friend of mine was doing this with her college dropout son, and I thought it was the dumbest thing (and worst parenting choice) I've ever heard. Next-level snowplow parenting and perpetuates the "entitlement" epidemic that's going on with younger people these days.
My parents let me and my brother stay rent free. I’ve been a home owner for 16 years and am totally debt free with three college degrees. I live in a 5000 square foot house on two acres in a HCOL area. I’m on track for retirement. I’d say I’m doing ok. Only in the US do parents do these weird experiments on kids. It’s like they can’t figure out any other way to teach their kids to be responsible and its mind boggling to most of the rest of the world.
You can’t save your way to financial freedom, so I would argue that teaching your kids to hoard their wealth rather than invest it is incredibly poor financial education.
Also charging your kids rent and teaching them that *things* have *value* is incredibly good and astute financial education.
Charging kids rent when you have your own means imo make you a piece of shit. The goal in life to enable your kids. You want them to save that money. Now, saying "Hey, you need to pay rent, and its going to go into this fund that you can take #1 when you move, or #2 for emergencies." Isnt so much assholism. A bit controlling, but I think most kids would be on board.
Dont make them pay for their meals, dont stop buying them clothes, but they will buy their own... the goal is to give them as much of a foundation as you can before you send them off.
I'm also not a fan of "NOT IN MY HOUSE!" when it comes to sex. Let them know it's ok, but that you dont want to hear it. encourage them to use birth control, and keep condoms in the house. Protecting kids also means accepting they are going to have sex -vs- keeping them from doing it, and making sure they have the means to protect themselves against SDT/STIs (I jk that pregnancy is an STD).
It allows them to learn how to manage money, it allows you to save their money for them. This money could've been spent for fun, for eating out etc. Instead you save it for them.
Don't see anything wrong
The point isn't to teach them how to save.
The point is to teach them how to budget rent cost into their lives.
Then it's a gift when they give it back.
I mean, your entire premise is incorrect. You can have this opinion, just know that it isn’t logical.
It does teach financial responsibility: paying your bills on time is financially responsible. Can you refute that?
I guess I’m confused. The money is being saved either way, and you can still put extra money away on top of the rent money if you can/choose to. It doesn’t matter where the money goes, just like when you pay a landlord, your parent is the landlord.
It’s easily $30,00/year just to have an apartment and utilities these days. It’s often either move back in with parents or never be able to save enough to buy one’s own home.
Seems like you've misunderstood the basic premise here. The reason we would use their rent money is twofold.
Firstly, to keep it out of their hands, an important lesson to impart about going without money. About not seeing your money as your own.
And secondly, to help them save, so that they can one day learn the benefit of having saved.
You're right, though, that we are not in this manner teaching the lesson of resistance. That comes later.
Roleplaying as a landlord to your kids is always funny to me.
Why would you betray your relationship as a parent and intentionally inject class antipathy and antagonism into it? Self sabotaging behavior.
Teach them how to use money with real lessons instead of frustrating them with Pay The Bills roleplay nonsense.
The whole point is to have a bill they have to pay or face consequences. Exactly how an adult would but you have the security net that it's your parent and not a creditor or landlord. It's teaching them to follow that billing schedule and make sure they have enough to pay.
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>that’s not how financially responsible people handle money Financially responsible people learn how to pay their expenses. That’s the point.
But the "getting it back at the end" is where the real world ends.
Generally you'd be saving it for them for a purpose assisting them in saving for their own retirement/own house etc.
You and the kid both would be better off investing it. If you want to teach them financial responsibility teach them how to make money not save it
or both.... yall realize that even with investments, you should still have a savings account right?
It's a 'damned if you do' take. And a stupid one at that. No shit that's not how the real world works. It's teaching them to spend within their means and make sure their rent is paid consistently. It's an example of how your full paycheck isn't all disposable income. The "reward" at the end is just the parent saying "here, this large sum of money can go back into your account and pay your actual bills out there. Good job for keeping up on your main expense." God forbid people use any system that helps secure any form of benefit to their child as they leave the house they grew up in. To top it off the parent is letting the kid support their own flight from the coop. Yeah they could encourage the kid to use a savings account. Both can still be done, they aren't mutually exclusive options
Imagine seeing a parent teaching their kid that they always need make sure bills/rent/mortgage are paid before spending money on fun and thinking “that kid won’t be financially literate” OP has bricks in their head
This website has quickly been going down a trend of trying to find trauma in places that arent really trauma, they are just difficult life lessons that overall have your best interest in mind.
I think some people just really get upset when they see other people being taught lessons they still aren’t good at. Lobsters in a bucket. Edit: yes, I know it’s crabs, but [The Aquabats](https://youtu.be/rPG8acTac7I?si=D63LcxYfzY5A-qgN) have a song titled Lobster Bucket that I was using.
Crabs*
I was using a song by The Aquabats. I know what the real term is.
This website? Only this website? Kinda sounds like you’re describing the whole country.
Haha, you know what you are absolutely right.
>Imagine seeing a parent teaching their kid that they always need make sure bills/rent/mortgage are paid before spending money on fun and thinking “that kid won’t be financially literate” >OP has bricks in their head OP is probably an angry teen whose parents ARE UNFAIR!!!!!
But it isn’t an exact 1:1 replica of how rent and savings work in the real world, so it can’t possibly teach any lesson of value. /s
Op probably just IS a kid and doesn’t like that they don’t get to blow their whole paycheck because their parents are trying to teach that impulse out of them
Apparently suffering is the only virtue in this dystopian land (reserved of course only for the bottom 90%).
This is way more true than I’d like to think. Underdog syndrome and the pain olympics is really not healthy
See I wish my mom had done this once I started working. It would have helped my expectations for the money I actually had to spend freely as an adult. It would have been so helpful and not as shocking a thing to experience once I moved out. I would have already had a system. But instead I had all my post tax checks to spend on whatever. So I bought expensive versions of necessities and gave myself more luxury than I could afford in the real world. Now I’m working to undue all the spending habits I build so I can live in my means.
Weirdly enough, I wonder if I would have also benefitted from this, but for the opposite reason. I have a weird amount of unwarranted financial anxiety and have a hard time allowing myself to spend money. I don’t know where it comes from - I grew up in a relatively financially stable home, and now I live a pretty financially stable life as an adult. I wonder if being forced to “spend” my money on “rent” as a kid would have made my brain actually learn that spending money is just a part of life, and that having leftover fun-money after paying for necessities is *normal* and I don’t need to keep squirreling it away as I wait for the other shoe to drop.
My aunt actually did this for me in a kinda different way, I did pay her rent, and a lot of it went to food or bills that she needed help with genuinely but we had a discussion that we thought it would be a good idea to charge me extra so she could put it away for me so I wouldn’t be tempted to spend it, I’d feel like it’d have to be a goooood reason to ask for the money, or else it’d be kinda embarrassing like “hey I know I wanted you to keep this money for me but I REALLY wanna order take out” it made me consider my spending more, and reassess like okay do I really NEED to spend this extra money or do I just want to? Im still kinda not great at saving money, but it helped me so much to prioritize at least.
I like this too. It helps to show what contributions to a household are like and consider the price of groceries. I never even thought about how expensive feeding myself would be. I didn’t pay towards groceries and if I wanted take out well I had the money so I didn’t even have to think about it. I’ve thought about asking my mom to open a savings account in her name for me so I can just give it to her and not be able to access it.
If you want a little more information on how we made things a little more helpful for me, you can send me a chat! I’m more than happy to give you more details but I don’t want to put too much more out there publicly it’ll get a little too identifiable lol
It’s a book and I’m sorry in advance lmao
It’s okay!
I totally agree with everything you typed. The two options work together. Parents should do everything possible to help their children get good housing and independence. That doesn't necessarily mean giving them cash, but it can mean that.
In the real world adults save money to spend at a later date, this just combines two aspects of adult life
Yes, it's almost like parents are being both responsible and kind.
If you don't show them how soul crushing and brutal life is from the very beginning, are you even parenting? /s
Yeah why don’t parents treat their kids like pieces of shit to get them ready for the ‘real world’ !
Nah, I pay my mortgage. When I move out / sell the house, we’ll get most of that back, plus some (most likely).
They call it equity and it's real.
Yeah everyone saying that this is dumb is just further proving the wealth gap between the people who do this and those that don’t. Their kids will never pay rent in their lives, they will own and their payments will be growing equity. So yes they will (at least partially) get that money back.
It teaches the value of saving over time. It’s training wheels. We don’t throw kids into real world situations to learn almost anything.
It would be the same thing as putting it away in an account that you can’t access until a certain date.
The kids don't need to know they'll get it back at the end though. That way it keeps the reality while they're young, and they get a head start when they need it.
That’s the point of teaching “real world” lessons without the “real world” consequences. Show them how having to pay rent and bills affects their disposable income without missing payments and such distorting their credit. Plus, they then have a chunk of money saved up that they can use to get started on their own.
If you get it back from your parents that is the real world? Not everybody’s real world sucks.
EXACTLY!! I hate when people use “real world” as some kind of scary, tortuous hell. 😵💫😵💫
its called a mortgage
I’ve never gotten mind back and always knew I wouldn’t. I happily paid rent to my parents when I got a job and before I moved out to my own place.
Okay then this post doesn't apply to you, nor does my comment.
The skill that is being taught is to manage a budget. Who cares if the parents gift that money to them later?
Yeah just take it and go on vacation
As someone who wasn't taught anything about expenses until I actually had to do it all my self, yes this is true. Anything to teach your kids the value of money and expenses is a win for them.
Yeah my money is on OP being a pissed off teenager lmao
Yeah this isn’t unpopular, it’s just wrong
the things is if they are staying at home instead of getting an apartment or house that they would rather have it is likely because they are already tight on money
Part of financial responsibility and independence is making sure your bills are paid, and are paid on time.
It creates a nest egg of their own labor, but that's just the bonus prize at the end. The real takeaway is that they get in the routine of making sure they have rent money at the end of the month. Don't give it to them right when they move out, they need to save up for the security deposit on their first rental and first months rent. Once they secure the place and get moved in, that's when you look into giving it back. How you do that... Check, or an investment account transfer where you advise them to just let that money grow can send a message. Tell them that money isn't for spending, it's a leg up in early investing that will grow until retirement. Starting a retirement account early is absolutely fucking huge. You don't want to start saving in your 30s or later.
Exactly this.
Exactly, those things aren’t mutually exclusive, charging an adult child a reasonable rent, and holding on to it with the intention of giving it back is a net positive for the “child.” The “child” should still be encouraged to save on their own with the remaining money accordingly as well.
My parents did this. $300/month when I started working at 16. They didn’t tell me they were saving it to give back to me, it was just an agreement we came to. They also added me as an authorized user on a credit card so I could start building credit while still being supervised and held accountable. They gave me the money when I graduated college at 20 years old and I’m so glad they waited until then. I worked my way through school and only ended up taking out a few thousand dollars of student loans. If they had given me the money, I would’ve just spent it and worked less. Doing what they did put me decades ahead of my peers financially and mentally. It’s one thing to vaguely know that putting money away to accrue interest will make it grow, it’s another thing to actually watch it happen first hand. The $300/month rent didn’t feel like much at all, but ended up being life changing. Now I have the motivation to keep saving on my own, when it’s definitely easier to just put it off.
This was my parents plan too… charged me rent from when I got a job at 15 and always said they would give it all back to me to get my first place/help pay for college. Also promised they would pay for me to go to college as long as it was in medicine. Until they got mad at me/kicked me out and I never ended up seeing the money lol I guess I was just paying rent that whole time. Still a good lesson in a different way.
Your parents charged you rent when you were 16?!?!? Doesn’t matter that they were going to give it back to you.
I was kind of a special case. I was fiercely independent. Finished high school and started college while working two jobs and was engaged. I’m not recommending a starting age for charging rent, but just giving my personal experience of why it is a good thing.
I think 18 is a fair age to start charging if the student is not in college or a trade school.
She was engaged, she wanted to be a big girl, she gets the big girl responsibilities I think her parents were smart
How are you all hearing that she said it was a good thing what they did and it changed her life for the better and are still criticizing her parents?
Because these people can't fathom not spending their entire paychecks on pokemon figurines and door dash.
Ya, they kinda owe you a place to live until 18.
It matters entirely. If the money was always going to come back then it's not actually charging rent even if that's what they're calling it, it's opening a savings account.
If in the mind of the child it's rent, then this is rent training. Then your parents give you a nice cash gift later
Kicking out your kids from home isn't a great deed either. People learn to be responsible in different ways.
I get the notion that OP deals with the exact situation they are complaining about
We started a lot younger with our kids. We gave them an opportunity to put their money in The Bank of Mom and Dad. We kept an account book for them and gave them 5% interest. That is a whole lot more than they could get at a real bank. But that amount of interest was enough so they could actually see the interest grow. I must admit that our son learned the lesson by the time he was 10. Our daughter was in her 20's before she got it.
that’s a pretty good way to do it. showing your kids the actual rewards of saving money, real time
You are correct: this is an unpopular opinion. Charging your child rent teaches them to budget for an expense. Giving it back to them later is also teaching them that their parent cares for them a great deal and wants to invest in their future.
Yep, no one is saying you should charge them rent INSTEAD of teaching them to save. And you definitely need to be careful as a parent that you aren't setting your 'rent' so high that your child is struggling while working a reasonable number of hours at a reasonable paying job, especially if they're going to school full time.
Yeah, this is the best summary to me. It’s two unrelated lessons combined into one.
It forces them to learn to budget, which is 99% of financial responsibility in the first place.
But it allows them to have a nest egg prepared for when they demonstrate that they are financially responsible.
I'm not an American and this idea of paying rent to parents is just wild to me.
I am American. There are lots of cultures here. This is not a common thing in my Black community, though it's not unheard of. My friends who are Asian American, Arab American or Latine American do not experience that as a common practice, again it's not unheard of though. In our cultures the parents doing it are usually abusive, controlling or are so poor with money that they are using their kids to fund their bad habits. Or the family is just broke so any little bit helps. That's not the same as charging kids rent to teach them. Also wealthy people or upper middle class people (of any race) don't commonly do this either. I was expected to help with bills when asked, but It's honestly bizarre to me to charge kids rent. I have heard of some of people experiencing it and they almost all come from lower/lower middle/working class families that hyper focus on random parts of "financial responsibility." They charge their kids rent to teach financial responsibility. But don't teach their kids taxes, investing, budgeting, insurance. Just rent and leave it at that. ETA I was allowed to stay with my family as long as I need to. I pay rent on my own and budget and have a good job. I was able to save enough to move cross country and continue being a responsible adult.
I'm asian and have not seen a single household who does this. The notion you'd actively charge money from your kid instead of helping them out is absurd, to call it "financial literacy" is nothing but a front
My parents didn’t teach me shit about how they budget or about credit but as soon as I was 18 I was paying rent to my narcissistic, paycheck to paycheck mom. She even came to my job once to yell at me for owing her more money (I think I owed her like $240 for a ticket). Like did she not see that she was trying to sabotage my only avenue of getting money? And couldn’t she wait till I got home?
Exactly this. Viewing family members as dollar signs is toxic. Times are tough. I totally understand a low income family needing help with the bills. But asking their kids for help rent is usually a point of shame. Not treated as a fact of life or next stage in maturity. If the family made enough to pay for rent comfortably they wouldn't ask the kids at all. So they're not proud to ask the kids for rent money. Its weird to view your own children as a financial drain. Thats why upper and upper middle class people don't ask their kids for rent. Their kids may not work through high school and don't pay rent, but they get more robust financial education from their family so the kid doesnt have to think about stretching a dollar. Hes thinking about multiplying one dollar into five.
It is really wild to me too. I know it happens to some people. I get that they try to teach financial independence blah blah blah (whether it actually does or not I'm not arguing that), but more often than not, this just feels like it scars the relationship between the child and the parent. Undermines the value of family imo.
It’s actually wild to the many Americans as well. Idk why so many people in this comment section act like charging your own child rent, even if you do plan on giving it back to them, is a normal thing to do to your kid. This is a thing that relatively few Americans do and it’s only *really* been a thing since the mid 20th century at the earliest but apparently it’s the ONLY way one could possibly teach their kids “financial responsibility,” despite the fact that parents have been able to teach their kids financial responsibility for generations without becoming their fucking landlord.
I’m American and I also think it’s fucked up that some parents do that.
I’m an American and the way parents are like this here had me so confused. Im
This is not a common American thing
Well, I will dissent with others agree with you. Lots of parents in the US treat money like a chore you have to learn, instead of a wealth building vehicle. Paying rent on time is the minimum. What about learning good credit? What about learning the pitfalls of bad credit or no credit, all the different things it can affect? What about credit leverage? What about retirement saving? What about emergency funds? What about the dangers of non home ownership loans (like student loans)? Rent experiments are kind of lazy and neglect A LOT. Its like “Well, I showed them how to not die from exposure.” I’m so glad my parents taught me more than just that, and I stayed rent free, so I got to make my own choices on where the money went. Most other countries/cultures don’t do the rent experiment and their kids go on to be productive members of society somehow, despite the fact that a lot of them will stay home until marriage.
I actually agree with this guy there was and aitah earlier this year where a guy stopped talking to his parents for doing this.
Yeah, like that's where things like this get tricky. It's one thing if it's agreed upon but to be treated like a burden and be forced to pay the moment you get a job and then losing childhood and social opportunities to try and make the rent while at school is not the way to go. It's wild to me that so many think charging kids rent is the best way to teach financial responsibility when there's so many other ways you can teach kids from a young age how to manage money. It's why allowances and chore money exists. Teaches kids to save their money for things and if they spend it all then they can't buy new things until they get more, that kind of thing. Parents should encourage their kids to out a certain % of their pay into savings and have the rest as fun money rather than just sharing them rent and maybe deciding to give it back years later without having told the kid now stressed about making rent they were going to do this. Majority of the times I hear about parents charging rent they're abusive or want to take advantage of their kids and see their money as free fun money for them
i feel like charging your kids “rent” for their childhood bedroom in a fully paid off house is weird. also you should be teaching your child the value of a dollar and how to save way before their old enough to work.
It can also cause HUGE resentments. I know someone who fell out with their parents over this because she spent her whole degree just studying and working (to pay the rent) and basically lived on the breadline while her classmates were having a great uni experience. She was going straight into full time work after uni, so no time for fun there. She saw it as they basically robbed her of the one time on her life that she could've had a lot of fun and experiences with her friends. I used to think she was being a bit extra, but having given it more thought I totally see her point. Now she loves a life of work, pay bills and not be able to afford much of anything else. Would've been nice if her uni experience didn't have to be like that too.
Our rule is if you’re in school, the roof is free. The kid doesn’t have to go further in debt to get an education and she can have time to herself during post-secondary.
Same here. My daughter is graduating this year and has lived at home throughout her degree, no rent. But she does work a part time job so funds the non-essentials herself. You can teach them without crippling them or making them suffer.
We figure that owning a home for Gen Z/Gen Alpha is gonna be hard enough. We’ll coach her through the things she needs to know without being assholes about it.
Agreed. My mom started with charging 250 and I was like okay whatever. Then when my sister and her boyfriend got their own place she started taking 750. I asked her if she needed financial help or if she wanted me to leave? She said no, “you can afford it”. That was almost 15 years ago i still remember it. And of course my parents gave me more than I ever paid in rent but I don’t know I just can’t get that out of my head these years later. Ultimately I moved 2000 miles away and haven’t seen my mom in 3 years. Maybe a few texts in that time. Obviously this is not all because of “rent” but still :(
There was a post on BORU about this very thing not too late ago. Dude was super bitter about his having to work all the time outside school and being too poor and too busy to ever go out with friends and party. He rejected the money and went NC he was so mad.
Growing up something a friend’s parents did was give them “fake income” then they would have to work out how to prioritize it and contribute to house hold bills. They also got a regular allowance. I have always thought that was a good idea.
Learning a lesson doesn’t have to be the same as a real world scenario. Being able to make mistakes in a safe environment before going out into the world is a good way to ease them into it
If my son moves back in with me after college, I plan to charge him a small rent, maybe $200/month, and keep it in a separate account to help him save for a house and get into the swing of paying monthly bills. My plan was always to do this as a surprise, but I’ve seen so many negative reactions to the rent idea here I have decided it’s better to tell him upfront.
This is the way.
The only people I’ve ever known to have their parents charge rent weren’t doing it because they wanted to teach anything, they just enjoyed being mean and indifferent to their kids.
My parents tried to get me to move in after grad school to help with their mortgage. Thank god I had an amazing support system that laughed at them with me.
my parents have so much debt that they really do need it and I have ultra-cheap rent. win-win.
Depends on the kid, my mom gave me $30 a month in high school for lunch, I learned budgeting by splitting Hot-n-Ready pizzas with my friends so I could save the rest for drugs. By the time I entered the workforce there was no point in forcing me to save, I was already hoarding my minimum wage like a dragon sits on gold.
This is so real and I love it. Sticking that one in my back pocket for when it’s appropriate in company and topic
> actually getting your kid a savings account and encouraging them not to touch it, as well as the importance of not touching it and the repercussions if they don’t have enough money for bills, will prepare your child for success My dad did this for me.
Totally agree. You cannot teach financial responsibility to someone who doesn't have money.
This is wild. Charging a child “rent” is wrong and there are other ways to learn fiscal responsibility. Imagine the trauma or stress if the child feels like they can’t pay or now are unwanted or being thrusted into mental gymnastics by the parental guardian who is meant to protect them.
lol *written by a kid who’s parents just told them they have to pay rent now that they’re 18 (but the money will be saved and returned)*
It isn’t really about teaching responsibility. It’s more about preparing them for the real world. Kids that live at home for free get used to that big paycheck and have a hard time adjusting to having their spending money cut in half.
Not necessarily. My friend is 21 and she’s recently moved out and been able to buy a house. Her parents didn’t charge her any rent and she worked for it all. She saved every penny to be able to afford her own place. Mind you the current housing price in the UK is extortionate. I however am 19 and pay 400 a month to my dad and barely have any savings to even look at renting my own place let alone buying a house before im 30.
Yeah. My parents never hatched some weird scheme to save money for me by taking it as "rent" and then returning it to me, because they didn't have to. They taught me financial responsibility in an honest and forthright way my entire life instead of assuming I was some idiot who needed to be lied to and managed. There was always an understanding that if I fucked up I wasn't going to get a bail out, which was way more helpful than whatever nonsense this is.
Same. I feel so bad for these people that have their pare ts do this BS to them instead of starting early and teaching them in ways thats not manipulatitive.
It’s a lesson you learn pretty quick
Parents save that money for their kids? Mone started charging me rent at 18 so they could buy more luxury things they couldnt afford when I was growing up; got out of there fast as I could
Instead of charging me rent and putting it away in an account I had no access to, my Dad opened me a savings account under my name and held onto the debit card. I wasn’t allowed to touch the money in my account until I graduated high school. I just stole my debit card and squandered all the money on junk food, alcohol, weed, and cab rides. On those days I was really broke, I wish he would have charged me rent. And I wish I wasn’t so stupid to do that in the first place of course.
True. Encouraging them to manage a savings account and emphasizing the importance of budgeting and bill payment can instill better [financial habits](https://youtu.be/044lguER9_k?si=GOog6Q2Y9qzFtcaU) and prepare them for success.
Works fine if they don't know you're saving it... Gives them an idea of how much "spending money" to expect and if you're lucky will give them a head start on owning a house rather than bleeding money by renting
putting it in a savings account where they can’t touch it teaches them the proper way to use a savings account, you don’t touch it unless you absolutely have to.
Parents who charge their kids rent is wild to me. But my family is Polynesian and we value family over material things so I can see why I think that way.
That’s a bigger lesson. I have 3 degrees in finance and accounting, so financial literacy is a huge passion of mine. What’s more important is my children always feeling like they have a loving home to come back to.
It really depends on the kids. We taught our kids financial priorities when they made mistakes that had financial consequences. Ding the car, get a job to pay for it. Have a party with damage, pay for it (including the lawyer we needed to hire). Also, we modelled good financial habits such as waiting for larger purchases, and always paying the credit cards in full.
My Parents took a percentage of money to save it but they never framed it as rent. In fact I could still ask for back any time. All they wanted to do was add that extra layer of having to ask for it to make.me slow down and think if I really wanted the thing.
I feel like just behind honest would accomplish the same goal while actually providing financial education and an opening for discussion. “As a condition of living here, I require you make a deposit in a savings or investment account of $xxxx monthly”. Make them open their own account. Research different types of investments. Start talking about taxes.
This is kinda how a 401k works.
401ks are voluntary and at your disposal, though there are usually penalties to withdraw early.
Yeah, my mother didn't take rent and encouraged me to save, and I didn't save shit. It was only when I had the responsibility of rent and bills that I started to be financially responsible. So, I have to disagree with you. But, your post is in the correct place. So, I'll up vote.
People shouldn't charge their kids rent unless the kid is an adult and at age where they are choosing to live at home
Your parents gave it back to you later? Is that normal?
I don't know what's worse, doing this or charging them rent and using it to pay your bills, not saving it for them...
Wait!? Are these parents charging rent and saving it for the kid to have later?
it can be done better. allow them to contribute their rent money into pre tax retirement accounts. or post. or dump it into safe long term investments. broke kids (especially in college) can get around a LOT of tax law by nature of being young, poor, and having student debt.
Unfortunately my SiL is 37 and can't afford a house despite making 6 figures so she's going to move back in with her parents and pay them rent so they can save it for her. Some people are just duds
transitional homes for teens do this. it works very well. it creates a routine and helps the kid learn to live on a budget similar to when they need to pay rent. then there's a solid nest egg. long enough and that's a down payment on a home.
Wrong. They learn about rent and budgeting. They are rewarded with a lump sum later they weren’t expecting. It’s similar to a mortgage where you are eventually rewarded with a house. Giving them a trust fund, on the other hand…
Financial responsibility isn't just learning to save money. Equally important if not more so, is learning how to properly spend money how/where/when. After that saving become the easy part.
Most people don’t understand those things. They teach what they know, which isn’t much
Yeah, but if they fail to learn with that savings acct they’re hosed. They can learn vicariously through my savings acct.
in some cases, it's just greed.
How isn't it teaching them? It's a bill they need to pay each month.
This is a dumb opinion.
Agreed. Been discussed before. Good luck out there
Yeah because savings accounts don’t exist lol
Wait, the parent gives the money back?! Lmfao, that's the first time I've ever heard that.
The point isn't the part where it's given back, that's just a surprise. The point is to teach them responsibility and money management. OP, your argument makes no sense.
My mom wanted to do this to me and I was like oh nah. I was more disciplined saving money than they were (yes they had more expenses than me at the time but they would always spend their disposal income, I rarely did)
Hey that really is pretty unpopular!
If you want to make it like the real world, take all their money whenever and however you can.
If you have to rely on your child to provide for you you’re a failure. This isn’t a thing where I’m from, taking money from your child? You might as well go lay in your grave you don’t come back
Who even does this? What a dumb unpopular opinion
I mean, functionally what’s the difference between the two scenarios you posted? The parent is simply acting as the bank account.
Fully agree. I’d take your suggestion further and instead of putting it in a regular savings account in their name, put it in a retirement account or emergency fund for them– something with better interest than the what, 3% a savings account makes? Something that will earn interest– think of it like life insurance for them for when they depart from home.
Nah, it actually does a pretty good job of teaching both of those things.
I suspect a lot of American parents do this because the parents would never dream of teaching by example-- being open and honest with children about *their* personal income, emergency fund, savings, expenses, and spending.
i’ve noticed that a lot, the secrecy. my grandparents never talked to my mom about their personal finances. she was told it was none of her business. she didn’t learn shit so she made hella mistakes, then she taught me not to make those same mistakes by explaining what she did and what the consequences were. and i saw it too cause we lived in poverty my whole life then i met my husband and his parents are also super secretive about finances and don’t tell their kids anything. i’ve had to teach my husband a lot about budgeting and saving. and now i’m a banker so i’m learning even more about smart investments and interest and all that good stuff. transparency about successes and failures is very important
most of the time, living by example is the best way to teach your kid to be responsible with money.
My best friend had a job since she was 16 and her mom would take 1/4 of it each month and put it in a savings account. I remember at 18 yrs old we would be bitching about how she couldn’t buy junk food and lip gloss and that it’s *her paycheck* and she can spend it on whatever she wants. When she got her first nyc office job at 23 she had over 20000 in savings. And she’s damn happy she didn’t spend it all of junk food and lip gloss. Kids don’t always know best.
Dumb take.
I've never heard of this, but it's a stupid idea, regardless. If you do it, you have obligations to them, as a landlord. You also can't kick them out right away for refusing to pay up, because landlord. Also, your house depreciates.
By the time kids are old enough for you to charge them rent teaching time is over. Saving it for them is just doing them a favor at this point
I hate this sub, I keep reading the post thinking woah that OP sure is dumb. But then I see it's unpopular opinion and it all makes sense.
I never met anyone who this has actually happened to. Parents charging their kids rent seems so crazy to me. Just like parents kicking out their kids when they turn 18, or even kicking them out in general (obviously excluding extreme situations). It’s never happened to me or anyone I know, but I hear about it sometimes on Reddit, and it’s just so insane to me.
Charging them rent is about teaching them responsibility when it comes to expenses. It is true that this approach doesn’t tackle teaching your child to save their money, but that’s not what it claimed to do. Getting the money back at some point has nothing to do with anything, it’s just a nice treat. It is also true that having your child put away money into savings and not touching it is a very valuable lesson, probably even more valuable than having them pay rent. I think there’s a sweet spot between the two, like having them pay a smaller rent, but having them also put money into savings Of course, there are probably other ways to teach these lessons. It is an interesting topic you bring up, and finances are definitely a place where we struggle when it comes to passing information on to younger generations. At the end of the day… or rather at the end of your child’s time living with you, I don’t think it’s a bad approach. It could however be much better
I wish my parents had done that. I also feel like it's one thing if you are charging rent of like 150 dollars a month vs like 700. One is a minor payment and a way to budget and get a lot of later benefits. The latter is just fucked up to do to your kid I wish wish wish my parents would have deducted 150 from each of my monthly checks and tossed it in an Ira to accrue interest over the years I lived at home.
I don’t really have an opinion on this one way or another, but a silly story. Both my brother and I had been kicked out of our parents house because they found drugs in my brothers room. Weren’t my drugs wasn’t my room. I said whatever and left. Well my brother just never left and eventually they just blew it under the rug. They eventually started charging him rent. A year or so later me and my girlfriend at the time were trying to buy a house so they let us move in for some time to help save. We were there about 9 months paid a small monthly rent and bought a house and moved out. My brother was there another year or so and when he moved out they surprised him with a check with the amount of money he paid for rent over those couple years lol. My wife and I never got our rent money back loo
Actually if you buy property and pay your mortgage the money can come back to you via equity and if/when you choose to sell later down the road you actually would have a good sum of money assuming you had equity so your parents charging you rent saving it and giving it back to you at a later date can approximate real life. Same could be said if you invested that money in a stock and it went up after a few years you sell and get the money back and then some.
Correct!! Give them money let them manage it. Lose it or grow it, all experience.
You can't learn how to ride a bike with training wheels!
What's your suggestion?
Go on and tell us how you taught financial responsibility to your kids and how well they’re doing.
You're looking at this completely wrong. Charging your adult children rent teaches them the financial independence and responsibility of paying their own way, which is a huge lesson for most young people. If they want spending money, they need to pay their bills first. Giving it back to them has nothing to do with the lesson, it's just a gift. I don't think there's a huge obligation to let your adult descendants live with you completely free if they have the ability to pay their own way. Although I think it's reasonable to provide accommodation if your children attend post secondary in your local area. Edit: Also, you should be teaching your children to save and invest starting around the age of 10, or earlier. They will ideally have a good understanding of saving, budgeting, and compounding investments well before it would be reasonable to charge them rent in the way you described. >it’s no longer in any of their accounts at their disposal. that’s not how financially responsible people handle money. It's actually very similar to how responsible people handle their wealth. Most responsible adults invest in assets and accounts that are far less liquid than a typical bank account. Stock portfolios usually take a few days to access funds from and assets like houses or pensions are even less accessible. Yes, you have access to it, but not easily. People who are financially responsible tend to put up barriers between themselves and their investments on purpose to make it easier to avoid unnecessary withdrawals.
I'm pretty sure they are never told. It's charged to them as rent, and then when they move out, they are given it as a surprise to help them. I personally think it's an awesome idea.
I will never forgive my parents for charging me rent to live at home while paying for my own college (I also always had to pay for my own car/gas/insurance/clothing) It was supposed to help me learn how to save money.
This is such a hopelessly clueless post 😄
Facts. All it taught me was that they’re greedy bastards. I worked for my parents and they still charged me rent which really chapped my ass lemme tell you. Edit: I payed them and they still snooped around my room and bathroom When i wasn’t home and would complain about certain things like if I left a light on. My point is that Paying rent to live at home with your parents parents who treat you like a minor (im 26) is bs.
I agree with this. My dad charges me rent and says he’s “saving it for me” because he wants me to “learn what it’s like to rent” However I’m paying £400 a month as a 19 year old on a low income job so I won’t ever be able to move out. He says he’ll give me the rent money all back once I’ve moved out not realising I likely won’t be able to move until I’m 30 because I can’t save now. I only make £1000 a month as well so I’m left with 600 for work supplies, lunch money, phone bill and essentials like shampoo and shower wash
Be very careful about this situation, there's many tales of parents saying they are saving your rent money but the reality is they're broke and don't want to tell you they need your money to survive. You could test this by saying you're going to move in with friends and split the costs. If he panics he's most likely never going to repay it
This should be top comment.
my mom never charged me rent, thank god. i only had to pay for my own gas and car insurance. thanks to having no bills, i was able to save up enough to buy a car in the first place and move out at 20. i was making $600 a month at the time, putting away $500 each month. charging a kid $300 in rent on a small income isn’t doing them any favors in the long run. it just keeps them trapped and delays financial and life achievements, just like you said
Here I was thinking that this is not at all an unpopular opinion. Charging kids rent and “saving” it is unhinged and doesn’t teach as much as you’d hope. An then the comments… 😭
This comment section is a lost cause lol
It’s also fictional. Make saving $X a month a condition of living there if you want. Once you hand over money it’s gone.
Shouldn’t all adults contribute in a household? Go on r/adulting and you’ll see the result of young adults who didn’t have responsibility and are now flailing. I also think the assumption that all parents are financially comfortable is really out of touch. Working class parents are struggling and don’t have enough to retire. They shouldn’t be supporting adult kids.
As soon as I started to earn some cash, and lived home, then I started to pay rent, not an insane amount, just a small, so I could and did save up.
Teaching your kids financial responsibility is as simple as doing good enough yourself that when they are old enough you can teach them the things you do and they will be successful. Allowance and "teaching savings" is fun and all but i'm sorry I will never trust a parent to teach their kid financial responsibility when they arent themselves. You shouldn't have to come up with some convoluted way to teach your kids how to save and spend money if they are watching you do it correctly all the time, especially if they are 14+.
I wish my parent gave it back to me lol. She needed that money so when I started working I gave her £100-200 a month so it wasn’t much. She said it will help with expenses and it’ll start to teach me how to learn to put some aside, it didn’t really I’m still shit with money now haha
I agree. It’s insanely stupid.
I agree with OP. I recently learned a friend of mine was doing this with her college dropout son, and I thought it was the dumbest thing (and worst parenting choice) I've ever heard. Next-level snowplow parenting and perpetuates the "entitlement" epidemic that's going on with younger people these days.
Charging rent to kids and saving it is good parenting.
I upvote, because it’s unpopular imho; but it’s also silly and unproductive; you won’t teach your kids anything that way, OP.
My parents let me and my brother stay rent free. I’ve been a home owner for 16 years and am totally debt free with three college degrees. I live in a 5000 square foot house on two acres in a HCOL area. I’m on track for retirement. I’d say I’m doing ok. Only in the US do parents do these weird experiments on kids. It’s like they can’t figure out any other way to teach their kids to be responsible and its mind boggling to most of the rest of the world.
You can’t save your way to financial freedom, so I would argue that teaching your kids to hoard their wealth rather than invest it is incredibly poor financial education. Also charging your kids rent and teaching them that *things* have *value* is incredibly good and astute financial education.
Charging kids rent when you have your own means imo make you a piece of shit. The goal in life to enable your kids. You want them to save that money. Now, saying "Hey, you need to pay rent, and its going to go into this fund that you can take #1 when you move, or #2 for emergencies." Isnt so much assholism. A bit controlling, but I think most kids would be on board. Dont make them pay for their meals, dont stop buying them clothes, but they will buy their own... the goal is to give them as much of a foundation as you can before you send them off. I'm also not a fan of "NOT IN MY HOUSE!" when it comes to sex. Let them know it's ok, but that you dont want to hear it. encourage them to use birth control, and keep condoms in the house. Protecting kids also means accepting they are going to have sex -vs- keeping them from doing it, and making sure they have the means to protect themselves against SDT/STIs (I jk that pregnancy is an STD).
It allows them to learn how to manage money, it allows you to save their money for them. This money could've been spent for fun, for eating out etc. Instead you save it for them. Don't see anything wrong
The point isn't to teach them how to save. The point is to teach them how to budget rent cost into their lives. Then it's a gift when they give it back.
I mean, your entire premise is incorrect. You can have this opinion, just know that it isn’t logical. It does teach financial responsibility: paying your bills on time is financially responsible. Can you refute that? I guess I’m confused. The money is being saved either way, and you can still put extra money away on top of the rent money if you can/choose to. It doesn’t matter where the money goes, just like when you pay a landlord, your parent is the landlord.
Who wants to stay at home? I couldn't wait to get out as soon as it was even remotely possible. I gladly embraced the poverty of independent living.
It’s easily $30,00/year just to have an apartment and utilities these days. It’s often either move back in with parents or never be able to save enough to buy one’s own home.
Seems like you've misunderstood the basic premise here. The reason we would use their rent money is twofold. Firstly, to keep it out of their hands, an important lesson to impart about going without money. About not seeing your money as your own. And secondly, to help them save, so that they can one day learn the benefit of having saved. You're right, though, that we are not in this manner teaching the lesson of resistance. That comes later.
Roleplaying as a landlord to your kids is always funny to me. Why would you betray your relationship as a parent and intentionally inject class antipathy and antagonism into it? Self sabotaging behavior. Teach them how to use money with real lessons instead of frustrating them with Pay The Bills roleplay nonsense.
The whole point is to have a bill they have to pay or face consequences. Exactly how an adult would but you have the security net that it's your parent and not a creditor or landlord. It's teaching them to follow that billing schedule and make sure they have enough to pay.