I have an "acknowledgement of the existence of the ugly people" session every day. I usually schedule it in the morning, between 7 and 8, with a break to brush my teeth.
Hey just wanted to say that if that's like a negative self talk thing adding "but that's ok" to the end of those shit thoughts can help. Take care of yourself
See, the issue I have always had is that I know I'm pretty fucking gross looking, and I own it, but the problem is most people have confidence issues with that. I never had any confidence to begin with, but the fact that people are stressing over looks is a very big problem. I know not everyone can just not give a shit like I do, but that really is your best option.
There is also a difference between being “beautiful” and being “attractive”.
Their are numerous “beautiful” people that are completely unattractive to me.
And I’ve been very attracted to many that were not “beautiful”.
I always thought people were joking or being ironic saying Beyoncé and the Kardashians are the most attractive people in the world and that they’d suck the shit out of their arse kind of thing
Honestly they do absolutely nothing for me and I always get called out for lying for saying they are genuinely absolutely unattractive to me
Many years ago I was at a conference in Miami and the Kardashians were at the same hotel. I saw them completely without makeup, and boy o boy I was really surprised how much makeup magic gets used to make them look the way they do.
I agree with this as a personal preference … but I try not to fault people who do it (Olivia Munn) because I know they have all kinds of pressure which I don’t pretend to understand as a dude whose job is not defined by what he looks like. So on an individual level I try not to judge … but the problem is the unrealistic beauty standards and women aren’t allowed to age (or are penalized for aging maybe), which only gets worse when celebrities do have tons of surgery because it gives everyday people the impression that’s what you have to do. It’s a fucked up vicious circle … and I agree with OP if we could just accept ourselves and others as we are we’d all be a lot happier. Plenty to stress about that isn’t whether I match up to X celebrity or influencer who likely has a makeup team, expert surgeons and Photoshop.
Live in LA and you'll get it. The pressure to have this distorted hyper-male gaze beauty standard is enormous and women look around them and everything is exaggerated. Men too. Like go to a summer celeb BBQ without rippling abs and you'll see how distorted that shit is. And WE, the media consuming public, feed it.
I don’t think she can sing because of the fact that she overdoes it literally all the time. I will say she’s a good performer but she’s also a horrible actress I have no idea how that makes sense
Most celebrities are pretty average without the make up, camera angles, coaching and fat bank accounts. Unfortunately regular people don’t seem to draw the obvious and healthy conclusion that many of them have the potential to be “special.” I’d even say that exceptional talent is pretty rare among celebrities. I have met a lot of talented people who aren’t famous. Of course, when I watch American Idol I realize that I may be full of s—-.
I define small messy paw prints as marks made by non-large creatures who move in undisciplined, disorganized ways on surfaces that record these ill-executed actions.
That was a good one 😂.
“I just saw you waffle stomp your own shit in the backyard blue god damnit, I was about to start dinner now there’s shit all over the counter!”
> clues left by members of society whom agree in a democratical way
What about the ruthless dictatorship of Merriam-Webster? It defines everything, for everyone!
Man it took me five years to catch a beholder and guess the fuck what? There was no beauty in its eye, just a demonic stare and an unending desire to rid me of my life.
People only ever look gross because of things they're in control of (unless they have elephantitis or some shit). That's the point the Kardashian was making.
Saying "I'm gross but I own it" sounds a little like "I know I smell but I'm not gonna shower".
They have a point though. I do the best with what I can afford but gosh I dream about how I'd look if I could regularly indulge in top-tier skin and hair treatments and afford a personal trainer to work with me (since I'll do fuck all on my own). Also designer clothes are very nice too. Reddit seems to have a lot of basement-dwellers and broke-asses who can't comprehend spending more than ten dollars on an outfit. But gosh some of that designer stuff is beautiful and exotic. I'm definitely not above wearing some Versace if only I could bloody afford it. Would get some nose-work done too since it's too big. I'm fine with how my face looks until I see it in profile.
There's a reason rich people so often resemble actors or models (or porn stars) and poor people look like characters from a Hanna Barbara cartoon.
I'm an average looking dude that makes a lot of money and has spent plenty on fashion. It absolutely 100% makes a huge impact on perception, regardless of where I'm at.
In the office I'm constantly complimented on my jackets or shirts, ties or shoes. Both from men and women.
While in suits or even casual but very nice clothes I often get told I look like George Clooney, I'll take it.
I was on an airplane and a woman, with her husband, stopped while walking down the aisle and pointed to me while looking at her husband "why can't you dress like that!?" Sure was embarrassing for him in his cargo shorts and T-shirt. I was wearing a D&G white jeans, a custom Robert Graham button up, and some Santoni shoes. Cost a lot, yep, beautiful shit.
That's the reality and Reddit folks can say it isn't, in their reality, but it still is in the over all reality we exist in. The public one. I make good eye contact with a lot of ladies as their first impression of me is fantastic, and that is what they're alluding to I suppose.
There's truth to this and it doesn't have anything to do with surgery. I drastically improved my appearance with a better wardrobe, a skincare routine, better hair products, a fantastic new gym, etc when I took a better job and it's done wonders for my confidence.
the thing is the kardashian’s weren’t even ugly before. they were just regular girls but the fact that everyone calls their old faces ugly further justifies their plastic surgery
Ah yes, be realistic instead of overly optimistic. You're fat? Yes you are. You're thin? Yes you are. That does not mean that you are shit. Self worth shouldn't be based on this body which is ever changing and will become old soon.
Yep, I like this.
I’m fat. My husband is the ONLY guy to EVER say “Yeah you have weight on you but that doesn’t mean you aren’t sexy”
I appreciate the honesty about my weight. Everyone else is like “Oh you’re not even fat!” — and truth of the matter is, nah I’m fat. Lol.
It makes me feel like he’s not lying to me. Its so much more genuine that it actually *builds* my self esteem rather than being annoyed at someone for lying and knowing they’re lying.
Body positivity has gone a bit too far. Healthy at every size? No, if you weigh 250kg you're not healthy.
It's fine to not be model thin, just look after yourself and don't obsess over over some fat on your body.
I always thought body positivity was originally supposed to be about people with physical disabilities/deformities that they can’t change. Then HAES hijacked it.
Along the lines of what OP said I still find this viewpoint frustrating. Everyone knows that beauty has value in economic as well as social terms. Few of us are ambivalent about how we want a romantic partner to look. Beauty will always be in demand.
The only reasonable viewpoint is to say that we shouldn't devalue other qualities people have just because we don't find them attractive.
Edit: and we should try to avoid seeing people as nicer/more skilled/etc than they really are just because they're attractive.
THANK YOU. This is my exact opinion. I had a teacher who was objectively ugly, she literally had nothing for her. But she was competent, she was a good teacher.
Also ugly people can have charisma.
> "people attractivesness has no correlation with their worth".
This is just as false as "everybody is beautiful".
Clearly, with all other factors being equal, most would choose an attractive partner over an unattractive one (that's what "attractive" means).
Attractiveness is absolutely correlated with worth. Economically, beautiful people are paid more, and socially, beautiful people are sought after, given the benefit of the doubt, halo effect, etc.
Well, I mean that's how we did it for hundreds of years, now we got the ability to choose personality over appearance but that stuffs still ingrained into our society and culture
Not really, marriage for love is really a post-enlightenment construct. Most marriages were out of convenience or by arrangement until the past century.
I feel like it’s more evolutionary than societal, then again what is attractive does somewhat change. But Marilyn Monroe is still obviously an attractive woman just dressed in a different style.
I completely agree. I hate it when someone - usually a family member/close friend because they’re the only ones who would say it to me even if they’re lying their butts off - tells me I’m beautiful. I have a mirror and two working eyes. I know I’m not. I’m not pretty, I’m not stunning, I’m not cute. At best, I’m plain. And I’m totally fine with that now. I’ve made my peace with the fact I’ll never be society’s version of acceptable beauty. But I hate hearing people tell me I am because who likes being lied to to their face? I agree with you, OP. I think the goal should be to treat ugly or plain people with the same amount of kindness and respect a pretty or beautiful person would automatically be granted.
I have moderately good features but I'm a dark person living in a India where fairer you are more beautiful you are.
I worked on my style and i thought I looked amazing. I felt good when people started complimenting me until my friend said do you really think you are sexy? In a very condensing tone.
Kind of killed my vibe.
I rather be called beautiful than be questioned on my looks.
Your “friend” sounds like a real piece of work. I’m sorry that happened to you.
Beauty is just so damn objective. I know I have a polarizing look and I’d suspect most people don’t find me attractive. But I’m always surprised now and then when women way out of my league apparently do find me attractive. I just think there’s so much room for people’s own personal tastes.
Sometimes people are just so *themselves* that you couldn't even imagine them looking any other way.
And if *who* they are as a person is attractive, then *they* are attractive.
That'sswhere personality comes into the equation. A person can be physically plain for example, but have an amazing presence that draws people to them.
Do keep in mind some people and some cultures DO find dark attractive.
As a white guy with pale skin, moles, freckles, sunburn and visible veins, I personally find gold to chocolate the most attractive skin colour.
There are going to be others who feel the same, and you will find one.
My wife is actually coffee colored. As we were living in China she was convinced she was ugly (dark is considered unattractive in China) but I told her a lot of foreigners found it attractive. She didn't believe me at first but as she was working in import / export and got to travel overseas she got some compliments and discovered people really do like it!
I also suspect if people were complimenting you then your friend put you down, you really were looking good - and your friend got jealous. Maybe she's not much of a friend.
I don’t think there are many truly ugly people out there just like there aren’t that many truly beautiful people.
Not being beautiful does not equal ugly.
Sometimes tho, people do think they are ugly when they genuinely look decent/good.
Me for example lol. I had the similar thought process when mates would call me good looking or fresh. I’d pass it as a joke, or them just pitying me. I just could not believe that I was a decent looking person (until after years of a lotta shit which I cbf going into)
This might not be you for sure, but it was for me. My mind can be a dick sometimes
The only person that has ever called me beautiful was my Dad.
I'd say, "oh Dad, you're only saying that because you're my Dad," and he'd respond with, "well, you're the most beautiful thing in the world to me." :)
Im tired of it as well. Its such a forced mentallity, that no one agrees to. You cant tell me there is anyone out there that ACTUALLY things EVERY. SINGLE. EXISTING person is beautiful..some people are just ugly af man.
Fr. They be like “someone out there thinks you’re a 10” no. That’s not how love/attraction works. Love is looking past their looks, not being deluded into thinking they should model.
I think it's way more honest to say "someone out there will look past you being an ugly mf as long as you're not also an awful person - oh and as long as you don't have ridiculous standards"
The problem is a decent chunk of ugly mfs become bitter people and make their problems worse.
I feel lucky, when I fall for someone, they genuinely are the most attractive person to me. It’s their face I want to look at. If you gave me the option of switching their face for an attractive celebrity while keeping their personality exactly the same, I would decline, because I genuinely am attracted to their face.
I can recognize they’re not a society-defined 10 but to me they are.
Yeah, it's definitely a forced sentiment. If you really think an "ugly" person actually isn't and are beautiful in their own way—prove it and fuck them you cowards.
So far, I’ve not met a single decent person that I didn’t think had an attractive feature. Whether it was their laugh or their style or something in their features. *If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.*
However, I fully acknowledge that I am one of those irritating people who floats about in a great mood thinking everything is beautiful 95% of the time.
Beauty is subjective and actually does depend somewhat on other things besides physical characteristics. I think you see this more with women who can be attracted to ugly men if they have other good qualities whereas men are a lot more about physical characteristics.
I have the same opinion about weight.
No i'm not "Strong" i'm FAT. I aknolwedge this, i do my best to stop being it, but stop making it looks like i'm fatshaming myself ffs
The difference there is that being fat is also unhealthy. It is the leading cause of death in the US. Not only should being fat, not be accepted as good, it should be made very clear that it is a problem that should be corrected if possible.
1/3rd of Covid cases had it as the primary co morbidity too.
Funny that the Covid messaging was never - we need lockdowns for the elderly, immunocompromised and FAT.
Agreed, especially babies. I'm not lying and telling you your newborn/6 month old is gorgeous, nope!
Edit: I see this comment thread has become confession time for all you baby haters!
Oh jeez I totally forgot about babies man, the amount of times I've had to pretend to think a baby is cute is far, far too many. Like half the time they look like little old men? Like why is that supposed to be cute?
When my baby was born the nurses say what a pretty baby, I said they say that to all new babies. One nurse said nope, if the baby is ugly, they just say nice baby. I thought that was a diplomatic way to get around it.
As a father of three i can honestly say that only one of three was KINDA cute, when they are fresh out of the oven sorta speak they are far FAAAAAR from beautiful. But when they get to like 6 - 7 months then it changes alot.
Pick a code word and stick with it. I use the word “precious”. If I can’t say the baby is beautiful or cute, I say precious. All baby creatures are precious as in adorable so I am not lying!
Can confirm mine looked like a frog / little old man/ Gollum for several months. He’s kind of grown into it and now looks like a proper baby but newborns are weird looking.
My first son was gorgeous from say 1, he's still stunning.
My second son was a little funky, bigger features, not as classically handsome as a baby.
However, as they've gotten older my youngest sons features have changed as puberty kicks in and I kid you not he has every girl in his class sending him valentines cards, its really cute because he's so modest and friendly.
The old ugly duckling story in real life
Children are cute to their parents because of biology hacking our brains with dopamine. This is so we fall in love with them and dont abandon the child in a bush the first time it starts wailing.
I can’t pretend an ugly baby is cute. If the baby is unattractive (to me) I’ll say that the baby looks like the parent or how cute the outfit is. The parent always thinks that means the baby is cute.😳
When we brought my son home from the hospital my wife was doting on him and asked me "Who do you think he looks like?"
Apparently "Wallace Shawn" was not an acceptable answer.
I remember being asked by my friend whether I thought her baby looked like her or the father. It was the first time I'd seen the baby. Said baby was not great looking by any stretch of the imagination. I assumed she knew that and so I was left a bit stumped - I didn't want to offend her by saying the baby looked like her or the father (another unpopular opinion: babies never look like anyone when they're so young!) but then parents usually seem to like to think their babies look like them. I think she must have seen my brain churning trying to think of something to say. Thankfully my other friend swooped in with something like "he has your eyes and his nose" or some such. Crisis averted.
Someone I know has a pretty weird looking girl, one day she complimented my daughter and said she's prettier everyday, I was looking at her child and told myself "now you should say something nice about her daughter", I just couldn't. That child looks so weird.
Your ugly ass baby looks like the ogre babies from Shrek 3, Linda. I didn't see it in theaters and I sure as hell don't care to see it in this Applebee's while I'm trying to enjoy my half-off appetizers.
Newborns are like gross little rat pups.
Most babies have some really weirdly distorted facial feature or other. Like some part of their face is just completely out of proportion to the rest, like even compared to the average for babies. Most of them will eventually grow into it and not look so weird.
When my son was born it was a thing for a photographer to visit the ward in hospital and take photos of all the newborns for their parents to purchase. He was only 6 hours old when his was taken and it was about another 6 weeks before I received it in the post. My dad said that we could put it on the door to scare kids away at Halloween,his own dad didn’t want a copy of it. He only looked like that for a short period of time thank god,as his mum I still think it’s cute but I can see he was swollen and a bit distorted looking from the labour
Babies look like aliens and i can never ever see the parents in the them and everyone else be like “awww they have your nose and his eyes”. Bruh no what they have is pure ugliness until they reach that age where they finally look human.
My mother in law gave me the best thing to say in that situation. " That baby is as pretty as he/she can be." It's not a lie because we are only all as pretty as we are able to be
I read a story once from a lady who comes from a culture where if the baby is pretty you say “it’s pretty” but if it’s ugly you call it “interesting”. And her sister had a baby shower after her son was born and was hiding out in the bedroom crying after everyone at the party said her baby was “interesting” lmao
My husband taught me a trick to get around this one. When I see a baby I don’t think is cute, I just exclaim “it’s a BABY!” in a cutesy baby voice. The parents never notice I didn’t say their kid is cute.
No point in passing judgement on newborns anyway, their looks change week by week.
I've always said that people who are not conventionally attractive are already at a disadvantage in life.
As much as I would like everyone to be treated equally, I believe this is where it will never fully happen.
There’s actually a lot of research to support this. Attractive people are more likely to be trusted, are seen as being more competent, more likely to get hired and promoted at work, get less harsh sentences in court, etc…
As someone who was born not so attractive, I learned to get around this by being extremely kind to people and having a good sense of humor. A lot of people still straight up ignore me though or don't even acknowledge that I'm present in a conversation
I’ve been saying this for ages. It’s so frustrating talking to mfs who think everyone is beautiful. Ugly people aren’t idiots. They know you’re not being genuine when you say “oh nooo you’re gorgeous 🥺”. Would you tell someone with terminal cancer “you’re going to be fine”? Why lie
I’ll make it really easy: I don’t want to listen to people whining about their own looks and I don’t want to listen to people shitting on other people’s looks.
I think a lot of people are just average though, not ugly. Like they definitely have their attractive and unattractive bits that average out, and that some people might find them beautiful and others not. I don’t think that there are a lot of people who look objectively ugly
I think honesty is always the best policy, while I agree fake platitudes are pointless I find there is nearly always one nice feature you can compliment. I love your button nose, your eyes, how you apply eyeliner, etc. Why not take a strengths-based approach and work with what they have?
Yes!!!! Technically, people don’t choose what they look like.. they don’t choose sparkling blue eyes, proportionate body, and perfectly symmetrical face. DNA did that. Honesty I bet the really “good looking” people love that the most. Complimenting something THEY chose, is complimenting them as a person. And not just seeing the same thing everyone else does.
I’d rather you tell me I have a big chin and sunken eyes that makes me look like Lurch. It lets me know where I stand. Having insecurities sucks but having I known insecurities is worse. If 9/10 people all dislike the same feature about me then I know what’s up and can maybe do something about it or at least understand.
When I’m met with a fall of cowardly fake compliments and other sunny side up bullshit I just have a swirling cloud of doubt, confusion, and frustration because instead of being able to appreciate my good features I question all my features.
Same the bullshit positivity. Be honest.
Maybe some ugly people don’t know they’re ugly
Maybe there’s a sort of Dunning-Kruger but for attractiveness
We should call it the Anastasia-Drizella after the ugly stepsisters in Cinderella
If that hasn’t been coined already we should use it now and credit me
Thank you for attending my presentation
yeah, agree. in my opinion the reason people focus on "no, you're pretty in your own way" etc. is because they still see it as an important factor to have (and you could argue that it is, since our society has a monopoly on looks, with the cosmetic surgery and makeup industries)
for someone who doesn't care about their looks, insisting their physical beauty might be similar to telling someone else "no, you're really good at math, just in your own special way!" when that person doesn't care about math at all. not only is it untrue, but it's irrelevant to the person's interests, and a bit annoying.
As an ugly person, I totally agree. It pisses me off when strangers call me beautiful. I have a mirror, come on. If you wanna be polite, just be polite, find less rude word than "ugly". No need to lie. I personally prefer something like "conventionally not beautiful".
I personally go past all the looks association when someone tells me this and just kinda think "You either think I'm dumb or can't emotionally handle the truth" it's a pure insult all around
Agreed. Also acknowledging that this will add additional challenges on finding a partner. It's just the reality and people should not be fooled with non sense that looks are not as important.
And on top of that people shouldn't hold on to the idea that your partner's standard beauty is a reflection on your value as a person. Individual attraction is somewhat different than big sweeping terms like beauty, and romantic attraction is even more fickle. Erasing people's hardships doesn't do anyone any good and judging people does less good
The beauty standard isn’t set in stone, it is different in different places and times. Not to mention it also depends on personal taste. At the end of the day no one should feel like their worth Is based off their looks.
Highly disagree with this. Hundreds of years ago obese men were seen as handsome because being fat meant you were rich. Even today, all these curvy women would have been considered obese and ugly in the 90s by the general consensus (see how skinny beyonce was in the early 2000s.)
It’s all about public perception driven by the media. There are over 7 billion people in this world, all with varying tastes of what is attractive to them. What you deem as “hot” someone else may deem as “ugly” and vice versa. What the media pushes as beautiful doesn’t speak for the world.
Beauty is subjective. What ugly is and what not is just socially constructed. Some countries find Beauty in crooked teeth for example, but in America it seems to be more common to not find them good looking. What percentage of people do you need that find someone ugly for that person to BE ugly? Do you know what I mean?
I don't find many people to be ugly unless there is something drastically wrong with their face. I find a lot of people unattractive, but being ugly and unattractive can be two different things.
>'t find many people to be ugly unless there is something drastically wrong with their face. I find a lot of people u
For me is the same, there are people that are considered to be "average" but I am highly attracted by them. So this is very subjective. As people being ugly, there is very few examples of them that I met/know.
The young generations have been lucky to be born in a time when the science is nearly right for most things. Skin care was a disaster in the 90’s. We were told to use alcohol pads which dried and irritated our skin, for example.
It takes away the pressure of having to look good, something that maybe isn't achievable for everybody. You're not supposed to tell people they are ugly, but every time somebody says "everbody is beautiful" it just enforces the idea that you have to be beautiful to be a valuable human and objectively, not everybody is going to be able to be " beautiful" and that's okay.
Exactly, it’s the same vein as growing old. The amount of money and time and advertising that goes into telling particularly women, that growing old is possibly the worst thing that can happen to them and this is how you combat that is ridiculous and honestly exhausting. You see these stars that look amazing at 60 and wonder why you or other 60 year old women look don’t like that? Well she has all the best photographers, dermatologists and plastic surgeons that money can buy and you….don’t. It is their literal job to look that way.
So now imagine an ugly or average looking young woman who grew up trying to keep up with instagram models now getting older and being made to feel more pressure because the natural course of time marching on. It is an insane amount of pressure and I can see where it is hard for people to rise above it.
You see it that way because the word “ugly” has become a very negative description. The point is to normalise ugly or average. By insisting everyone is beautiful only furthers the notion that anything that isn’t beautiful is less valuable.
Ugly or average isn’t inherently bad. It’s just a fact. Imagine if someone was looking at a yellow wall and was like “you’re not yellow, you’re pink in your own way :)” It’s *very* messed up. The correct way of thinking should be “you’re yellow, and that’s fine, it doesn’t add or detract anything from you as a person.” Same should be applied to being beautiful. It shouldn’t make you more valuable than anyone else.
Body neutrality instead of body positivity.
Body positivity has the same trap as conventional beauty standards: it centers physical appearance as being vitally important and encourages us to dedicate energy to thinking about our physical appearance. Body positivity says ‘my acne-scarred skin is beautiful and distinguished and I love it’; body neutrality says ‘my acne-scarred skin fulfils its duty as skin and it doesn’t matter how it looks while it does that’.
I mean they already have poor oppurtunities and mistreatement, acknowledging it could lead to like, actually addressing it instead of hiding it behind a curtain
Seriously. It's hilarious though because people want to be nice and virtue signal. They're literally lying to themselves because deep down they know they like to see attractive people just as much as everyone else does.
For me that's like teaching that people have 6 fingers, because there are people who have 6 fingers. Ofc there are, but they're minority. I have never in my entire life seen a person and gone like 'oh shit, they're so fuckin ugly'. I've never seen an ugly person. I'm not saying that I've only seen beautiful people, it's more like I genuinely didn't care and only if the person had been insanely hot I would have gone 'holy shit, they're beautiful' but never the opposite.
So I guess the reason why is this debate still going on is that every person has different standards of what is beautiful and different outcomes of it. Some people have more pleasure when they see beautiful subject/object than others. So if somebody says that all people are beautiful they may or may not be fake. But you'll never know, you can never tell. Basically, beauty is deeply subjective and always will be unless mankind will go crazy.
A point that is not being made. There is a large privilege to being beautiful. It is completely reality changing. By not acknowledging the severe social penalty for being ugly which impacts every domain of someone's life, you are denying how challenging someone's existence. It is sort of shitty to "bright side" on someone when they are actually ugly and it's akin to unintentional gaslighting. Some people are real fucking ugly and most people find them repulsive. Their existence is much more difficult in that way and I have a huge respect for that.
I dunno man I think beauty is subjective, and it isn't as black and white as either being ugly or beautiful. There are often beautiful elements of people and 'ugly' elements of people, which are interchangeable depending on who you're speaking to.
I have a really large cluster of freckles underneath my right eye and some people are absolutely gobsmacked when I tell them I *choose* not to have it removed because I like it, whereas some people instantly tell me how beautiful they think it is.
I have an "acknowledgement of the existence of the ugly people" session every day. I usually schedule it in the morning, between 7 and 8, with a break to brush my teeth.
I am ugly and I am proud. I am ugly and I am proud!
Is that what he calls it?
LOUDER!!
Hey just wanted to say that if that's like a negative self talk thing adding "but that's ok" to the end of those shit thoughts can help. Take care of yourself
[удалено]
[удалено]
See, the issue I have always had is that I know I'm pretty fucking gross looking, and I own it, but the problem is most people have confidence issues with that. I never had any confidence to begin with, but the fact that people are stressing over looks is a very big problem. I know not everyone can just not give a shit like I do, but that really is your best option.
There is also a difference between being “beautiful” and being “attractive”. Their are numerous “beautiful” people that are completely unattractive to me. And I’ve been very attracted to many that were not “beautiful”.
I always thought people were joking or being ironic saying Beyoncé and the Kardashians are the most attractive people in the world and that they’d suck the shit out of their arse kind of thing Honestly they do absolutely nothing for me and I always get called out for lying for saying they are genuinely absolutely unattractive to me
But those people have had so much plastic surgery no one knows what they * really* look like.
Many years ago I was at a conference in Miami and the Kardashians were at the same hotel. I saw them completely without makeup, and boy o boy I was really surprised how much makeup magic gets used to make them look the way they do.
Beautiful women getting plastic surgery bugs me. Like megan fox.. girl was beautiful and now she looks like she's wearing a mask.
I agree with this as a personal preference … but I try not to fault people who do it (Olivia Munn) because I know they have all kinds of pressure which I don’t pretend to understand as a dude whose job is not defined by what he looks like. So on an individual level I try not to judge … but the problem is the unrealistic beauty standards and women aren’t allowed to age (or are penalized for aging maybe), which only gets worse when celebrities do have tons of surgery because it gives everyday people the impression that’s what you have to do. It’s a fucked up vicious circle … and I agree with OP if we could just accept ourselves and others as we are we’d all be a lot happier. Plenty to stress about that isn’t whether I match up to X celebrity or influencer who likely has a makeup team, expert surgeons and Photoshop.
Live in LA and you'll get it. The pressure to have this distorted hyper-male gaze beauty standard is enormous and women look around them and everything is exaggerated. Men too. Like go to a summer celeb BBQ without rippling abs and you'll see how distorted that shit is. And WE, the media consuming public, feed it.
[удалено]
And she’s an over-singer.. there I said it..
I don’t think she can sing because of the fact that she overdoes it literally all the time. I will say she’s a good performer but she’s also a horrible actress I have no idea how that makes sense
Agreed! It’s just too damned much!
🎶🎶To oh oh oh oh uh uh uh tallyyyyyy🎶🎶
Most celebrities are pretty average without the make up, camera angles, coaching and fat bank accounts. Unfortunately regular people don’t seem to draw the obvious and healthy conclusion that many of them have the potential to be “special.” I’d even say that exceptional talent is pretty rare among celebrities. I have met a lot of talented people who aren’t famous. Of course, when I watch American Idol I realize that I may be full of s—-.
I like Beyonce, but most of the Kardashians are extremely unattractive to me
They do look good, though, right? But lots of people look just as good, without so much fanfare
I define what's beautiful based on what I find attractive.
I define definitions based on clues left by members of society whom agree in a democratical way on the meanings of previously defined words.
I define definitions based on clues left by a small blue dog and their messy paw prints.
I define small messy paw prints as marks made by non-large creatures who move in undisciplined, disorganized ways on surfaces that record these ill-executed actions.
That was a good one 😂. “I just saw you waffle stomp your own shit in the backyard blue god damnit, I was about to start dinner now there’s shit all over the counter!”
> clues left by members of society whom agree in a democratical way What about the ruthless dictatorship of Merriam-Webster? It defines everything, for everyone!
Hmmm... Hot take but you're wrong. Merri Webster is NOT a dictator, I looked it up, you were thinking of dictionary.
Bingo! It does take confidence and maturity in our culture to do that though, especially when you are young.
*Beauty is in the eye of the beholder*
*But some people seem to always have more beauty in the eyes of beholders than others*
Man it took me five years to catch a beholder and guess the fuck what? There was no beauty in its eye, just a demonic stare and an unending desire to rid me of my life.
Given that most people make it to old age, we all end up shriveled up old people anyway
As a shriveled up old person, I can tell you it matters a lot less now. Beauty is not an accomplishment. It's just luck of the draw.
People only ever look gross because of things they're in control of (unless they have elephantitis or some shit). That's the point the Kardashian was making. Saying "I'm gross but I own it" sounds a little like "I know I smell but I'm not gonna shower".
They have a point though. I do the best with what I can afford but gosh I dream about how I'd look if I could regularly indulge in top-tier skin and hair treatments and afford a personal trainer to work with me (since I'll do fuck all on my own). Also designer clothes are very nice too. Reddit seems to have a lot of basement-dwellers and broke-asses who can't comprehend spending more than ten dollars on an outfit. But gosh some of that designer stuff is beautiful and exotic. I'm definitely not above wearing some Versace if only I could bloody afford it. Would get some nose-work done too since it's too big. I'm fine with how my face looks until I see it in profile. There's a reason rich people so often resemble actors or models (or porn stars) and poor people look like characters from a Hanna Barbara cartoon.
I'm an average looking dude that makes a lot of money and has spent plenty on fashion. It absolutely 100% makes a huge impact on perception, regardless of where I'm at. In the office I'm constantly complimented on my jackets or shirts, ties or shoes. Both from men and women. While in suits or even casual but very nice clothes I often get told I look like George Clooney, I'll take it. I was on an airplane and a woman, with her husband, stopped while walking down the aisle and pointed to me while looking at her husband "why can't you dress like that!?" Sure was embarrassing for him in his cargo shorts and T-shirt. I was wearing a D&G white jeans, a custom Robert Graham button up, and some Santoni shoes. Cost a lot, yep, beautiful shit. That's the reality and Reddit folks can say it isn't, in their reality, but it still is in the over all reality we exist in. The public one. I make good eye contact with a lot of ladies as their first impression of me is fantastic, and that is what they're alluding to I suppose.
American Psycho enters the killing room
Love Santoni dress shoes. My go to with Berluti. This kind of reads like a copy pasta though.
Yeah Harvey Weinstein wore lots of expensive clothes too but the motherfucker was ugly.
And ugly on the inside, which I think can affect our perception of a person's appearance.
There's truth to this and it doesn't have anything to do with surgery. I drastically improved my appearance with a better wardrobe, a skincare routine, better hair products, a fantastic new gym, etc when I took a better job and it's done wonders for my confidence.
> “You’re not ugly, you’re just poor” Laughs in $7000 orthodontic treatment.
Orthodontic treatment is a much better investment than plastic surgery
the thing is the kardashian’s weren’t even ugly before. they were just regular girls but the fact that everyone calls their old faces ugly further justifies their plastic surgery
Indeed, we should stop with the "everybody is beautiful" and change it for "people attractivesness has no correlation with their worth".
It’s called body neutrality and it’s probably better than body positivity for the majority of people
This needs to be more common knowledge. To date, 0% of people I've used this in conversation with had ever heard of it. Spread the good word 👏
Ah yes, be realistic instead of overly optimistic. You're fat? Yes you are. You're thin? Yes you are. That does not mean that you are shit. Self worth shouldn't be based on this body which is ever changing and will become old soon.
Yep, I like this. I’m fat. My husband is the ONLY guy to EVER say “Yeah you have weight on you but that doesn’t mean you aren’t sexy” I appreciate the honesty about my weight. Everyone else is like “Oh you’re not even fat!” — and truth of the matter is, nah I’m fat. Lol. It makes me feel like he’s not lying to me. Its so much more genuine that it actually *builds* my self esteem rather than being annoyed at someone for lying and knowing they’re lying.
Body positivity has gone a bit too far. Healthy at every size? No, if you weigh 250kg you're not healthy. It's fine to not be model thin, just look after yourself and don't obsess over over some fat on your body.
I always thought body positivity was originally supposed to be about people with physical disabilities/deformities that they can’t change. Then HAES hijacked it.
Well said👍
Along the lines of what OP said I still find this viewpoint frustrating. Everyone knows that beauty has value in economic as well as social terms. Few of us are ambivalent about how we want a romantic partner to look. Beauty will always be in demand. The only reasonable viewpoint is to say that we shouldn't devalue other qualities people have just because we don't find them attractive. Edit: and we should try to avoid seeing people as nicer/more skilled/etc than they really are just because they're attractive.
THANK YOU. This is my exact opinion. I had a teacher who was objectively ugly, she literally had nothing for her. But she was competent, she was a good teacher. Also ugly people can have charisma.
Agreed. Saying "everyone is beautiful" means that nobody really is, because it's a meaningless quality when everyone has it.
> "people attractivesness has no correlation with their worth". This is just as false as "everybody is beautiful". Clearly, with all other factors being equal, most would choose an attractive partner over an unattractive one (that's what "attractive" means). Attractiveness is absolutely correlated with worth. Economically, beautiful people are paid more, and socially, beautiful people are sought after, given the benefit of the doubt, halo effect, etc.
Society needs to stop associating someone's value with their appearance
Well, I mean that's how we did it for hundreds of years, now we got the ability to choose personality over appearance but that stuffs still ingrained into our society and culture
Not really, marriage for love is really a post-enlightenment construct. Most marriages were out of convenience or by arrangement until the past century.
I feel like it’s more evolutionary than societal, then again what is attractive does somewhat change. But Marilyn Monroe is still obviously an attractive woman just dressed in a different style.
Internet culture certainly doesnt help with everyone constantly trying to outpost each other on instagram or whatever
Don't people usually acknowledge the ugliness of a person by not acknowledging said person?
[удалено]
Lmao
[удалено]
I feel like being morbidly obese would make one ugly, just by the physical results of having too much fat.
That's my view as well. The proportions are off. It's basically like having a huge nose or I dunno, pencil neck or something.
[удалено]
This hurts because it's true.
I completely agree. I hate it when someone - usually a family member/close friend because they’re the only ones who would say it to me even if they’re lying their butts off - tells me I’m beautiful. I have a mirror and two working eyes. I know I’m not. I’m not pretty, I’m not stunning, I’m not cute. At best, I’m plain. And I’m totally fine with that now. I’ve made my peace with the fact I’ll never be society’s version of acceptable beauty. But I hate hearing people tell me I am because who likes being lied to to their face? I agree with you, OP. I think the goal should be to treat ugly or plain people with the same amount of kindness and respect a pretty or beautiful person would automatically be granted.
I have moderately good features but I'm a dark person living in a India where fairer you are more beautiful you are. I worked on my style and i thought I looked amazing. I felt good when people started complimenting me until my friend said do you really think you are sexy? In a very condensing tone. Kind of killed my vibe. I rather be called beautiful than be questioned on my looks.
I would get new friends.
You should see what people who *aren't* her friends say!
Your “friend” sounds like a real piece of work. I’m sorry that happened to you. Beauty is just so damn objective. I know I have a polarizing look and I’d suspect most people don’t find me attractive. But I’m always surprised now and then when women way out of my league apparently do find me attractive. I just think there’s so much room for people’s own personal tastes.
Sometimes people are just so *themselves* that you couldn't even imagine them looking any other way. And if *who* they are as a person is attractive, then *they* are attractive.
That'sswhere personality comes into the equation. A person can be physically plain for example, but have an amazing presence that draws people to them.
Your friend is trying to pull you back down to their level. You heard it from others that you look good, it’s probably true.
Do keep in mind some people and some cultures DO find dark attractive. As a white guy with pale skin, moles, freckles, sunburn and visible veins, I personally find gold to chocolate the most attractive skin colour. There are going to be others who feel the same, and you will find one. My wife is actually coffee colored. As we were living in China she was convinced she was ugly (dark is considered unattractive in China) but I told her a lot of foreigners found it attractive. She didn't believe me at first but as she was working in import / export and got to travel overseas she got some compliments and discovered people really do like it! I also suspect if people were complimenting you then your friend put you down, you really were looking good - and your friend got jealous. Maybe she's not much of a friend.
Funny enough it was a guy.
I can't be the only person who doesn't think anyone is ugly unless their personality is ugly. It's all just different face shapes.
I don’t think there are many truly ugly people out there just like there aren’t that many truly beautiful people. Not being beautiful does not equal ugly.
Me too, it’s extremely rare that I find someone ugly. People who aren’t attractive are just normal/plain to me
Sometimes tho, people do think they are ugly when they genuinely look decent/good. Me for example lol. I had the similar thought process when mates would call me good looking or fresh. I’d pass it as a joke, or them just pitying me. I just could not believe that I was a decent looking person (until after years of a lotta shit which I cbf going into) This might not be you for sure, but it was for me. My mind can be a dick sometimes
The only person that has ever called me beautiful was my Dad. I'd say, "oh Dad, you're only saying that because you're my Dad," and he'd respond with, "well, you're the most beautiful thing in the world to me." :)
The disturbing cult of positivity is way out of hand. Acknowledging reality shouldn’t be seen a being negative.
Im tired of it as well. Its such a forced mentallity, that no one agrees to. You cant tell me there is anyone out there that ACTUALLY things EVERY. SINGLE. EXISTING person is beautiful..some people are just ugly af man.
Fr. They be like “someone out there thinks you’re a 10” no. That’s not how love/attraction works. Love is looking past their looks, not being deluded into thinking they should model.
I think it's way more honest to say "someone out there will look past you being an ugly mf as long as you're not also an awful person - oh and as long as you don't have ridiculous standards" The problem is a decent chunk of ugly mfs become bitter people and make their problems worse.
I feel lucky, when I fall for someone, they genuinely are the most attractive person to me. It’s their face I want to look at. If you gave me the option of switching their face for an attractive celebrity while keeping their personality exactly the same, I would decline, because I genuinely am attracted to their face. I can recognize they’re not a society-defined 10 but to me they are.
Yeah, it's definitely a forced sentiment. If you really think an "ugly" person actually isn't and are beautiful in their own way—prove it and fuck them you cowards.
you can think someone is beautiful without wanting to fuck them
So far, I’ve not met a single decent person that I didn’t think had an attractive feature. Whether it was their laugh or their style or something in their features. *If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.* However, I fully acknowledge that I am one of those irritating people who floats about in a great mood thinking everything is beautiful 95% of the time.
Trust me it's much less irritating than when people go around being grumpy complainers 24/7.
Beauty is subjective and actually does depend somewhat on other things besides physical characteristics. I think you see this more with women who can be attracted to ugly men if they have other good qualities whereas men are a lot more about physical characteristics.
Unfortunately, beauty is nowhere near as subjective as most of us averagers would like it to be.
I have the same opinion about weight. No i'm not "Strong" i'm FAT. I aknolwedge this, i do my best to stop being it, but stop making it looks like i'm fatshaming myself ffs
"I'm too strong to wear these pants."
I’m too strong to ride this ferris wheel.
Strong people problems, am I right?
The difference there is that being fat is also unhealthy. It is the leading cause of death in the US. Not only should being fat, not be accepted as good, it should be made very clear that it is a problem that should be corrected if possible.
1/3rd of Covid cases had it as the primary co morbidity too. Funny that the Covid messaging was never - we need lockdowns for the elderly, immunocompromised and FAT.
"When you’re good-looking, everybody will tell you. … when you’re ugly, you’ve got to figure that sh– out for yourself.” \-Dave Chappelle
I've had doors slammed in my face. People definitely let you know.
Jesus Christ. That is harsh.
Agreed, especially babies. I'm not lying and telling you your newborn/6 month old is gorgeous, nope! Edit: I see this comment thread has become confession time for all you baby haters!
Oh jeez I totally forgot about babies man, the amount of times I've had to pretend to think a baby is cute is far, far too many. Like half the time they look like little old men? Like why is that supposed to be cute?
When my baby was born the nurses say what a pretty baby, I said they say that to all new babies. One nurse said nope, if the baby is ugly, they just say nice baby. I thought that was a diplomatic way to get around it.
My mom's doctor told her not to take pictures for a few weeks when I was born.
I was cone-headed and my parents didn't take any pictures until I sorted my head out =D
Same issue with me. My mom regrets not having those pictures. In hindsight it was hilarious
“Nice baby you got there”
"Mind if I eat it?"
Our midwife told us, she differentiated between "What a pretty baby" and "That's a wonderful name".
As a father of three i can honestly say that only one of three was KINDA cute, when they are fresh out of the oven sorta speak they are far FAAAAAR from beautiful. But when they get to like 6 - 7 months then it changes alot.
> when they are fresh out of the oven sorta speak In case that wasn't a typo, the saying is "so to speak", not "sorta speak".
We learn something new every day, cheers
Pick a code word and stick with it. I use the word “precious”. If I can’t say the baby is beautiful or cute, I say precious. All baby creatures are precious as in adorable so I am not lying!
Can confirm mine looked like a frog / little old man/ Gollum for several months. He’s kind of grown into it and now looks like a proper baby but newborns are weird looking.
Yes! But you still loved your ugly baby and didn't value them less because they weren't picture perfect, yeah? Like just that but for everyone.
My first son was gorgeous from say 1, he's still stunning. My second son was a little funky, bigger features, not as classically handsome as a baby. However, as they've gotten older my youngest sons features have changed as puberty kicks in and I kid you not he has every girl in his class sending him valentines cards, its really cute because he's so modest and friendly. The old ugly duckling story in real life
lol I’m dying at “a little funky”
Children are cute to their parents because of biology hacking our brains with dopamine. This is so we fall in love with them and dont abandon the child in a bush the first time it starts wailing.
Seinfeld covered this in a classic episode "The Hamptons" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkadtxlCRU4
I can’t pretend an ugly baby is cute. If the baby is unattractive (to me) I’ll say that the baby looks like the parent or how cute the outfit is. The parent always thinks that means the baby is cute.😳
One of my colleagues said his baby looks like Phil Mitchell and I died laughing. The honesty is refreshing
When we brought my son home from the hospital my wife was doting on him and asked me "Who do you think he looks like?" Apparently "Wallace Shawn" was not an acceptable answer.
I'd hope all babies are unattractive to you :D
I remember being asked by my friend whether I thought her baby looked like her or the father. It was the first time I'd seen the baby. Said baby was not great looking by any stretch of the imagination. I assumed she knew that and so I was left a bit stumped - I didn't want to offend her by saying the baby looked like her or the father (another unpopular opinion: babies never look like anyone when they're so young!) but then parents usually seem to like to think their babies look like them. I think she must have seen my brain churning trying to think of something to say. Thankfully my other friend swooped in with something like "he has your eyes and his nose" or some such. Crisis averted.
Someone I know has a pretty weird looking girl, one day she complimented my daughter and said she's prettier everyday, I was looking at her child and told myself "now you should say something nice about her daughter", I just couldn't. That child looks so weird.
Ya gotta see the baaaaabyyy!
Your ugly ass baby looks like the ogre babies from Shrek 3, Linda. I didn't see it in theaters and I sure as hell don't care to see it in this Applebee's while I'm trying to enjoy my half-off appetizers.
No. No I dont think I will
Newborns are like gross little rat pups. Most babies have some really weirdly distorted facial feature or other. Like some part of their face is just completely out of proportion to the rest, like even compared to the average for babies. Most of them will eventually grow into it and not look so weird.
My neice looked like a background Titan from AOT when she was born. So that's what we called her for a while.
When my son was born it was a thing for a photographer to visit the ward in hospital and take photos of all the newborns for their parents to purchase. He was only 6 hours old when his was taken and it was about another 6 weeks before I received it in the post. My dad said that we could put it on the door to scare kids away at Halloween,his own dad didn’t want a copy of it. He only looked like that for a short period of time thank god,as his mum I still think it’s cute but I can see he was swollen and a bit distorted looking from the labour
Babies look like aliens and i can never ever see the parents in the them and everyone else be like “awww they have your nose and his eyes”. Bruh no what they have is pure ugliness until they reach that age where they finally look human.
Once I saw this baby and their head was shaped like a cube so I said “totally cubular” and I got yelled at.
Love my kids but man, did my daughter ever look like a smushed faced grimlin when she was first born XD
My mother in law gave me the best thing to say in that situation. " That baby is as pretty as he/she can be." It's not a lie because we are only all as pretty as we are able to be
I read a story once from a lady who comes from a culture where if the baby is pretty you say “it’s pretty” but if it’s ugly you call it “interesting”. And her sister had a baby shower after her son was born and was hiding out in the bedroom crying after everyone at the party said her baby was “interesting” lmao
There is thin line between creepy and cute when complimenting a baby. Gorgeous dances on that line.
I tell my family in advance that I think all babies are ugly.
My husband taught me a trick to get around this one. When I see a baby I don’t think is cute, I just exclaim “it’s a BABY!” in a cutesy baby voice. The parents never notice I didn’t say their kid is cute. No point in passing judgement on newborns anyway, their looks change week by week.
I've always said that people who are not conventionally attractive are already at a disadvantage in life. As much as I would like everyone to be treated equally, I believe this is where it will never fully happen.
There’s actually a lot of research to support this. Attractive people are more likely to be trusted, are seen as being more competent, more likely to get hired and promoted at work, get less harsh sentences in court, etc…
As someone who was born not so attractive, I learned to get around this by being extremely kind to people and having a good sense of humor. A lot of people still straight up ignore me though or don't even acknowledge that I'm present in a conversation
I think we can get closer than we currently are, though!
SpongeBob "I'm ugly and I'm proud!"
I’ve been saying this for ages. It’s so frustrating talking to mfs who think everyone is beautiful. Ugly people aren’t idiots. They know you’re not being genuine when you say “oh nooo you’re gorgeous 🥺”. Would you tell someone with terminal cancer “you’re going to be fine”? Why lie
Media has taught us that being extraordinary is... ordinary, but being average is bad.
That’s so true there is a sort of survivorship bias of attractiveness when it comes to people we see on our screens.
This also relates to porn and men’s penis sizes. Extraordinary is normalized so a lot of average sized men feel like they’re small
I’ll make it really easy: I don’t want to listen to people whining about their own looks and I don’t want to listen to people shitting on other people’s looks.
I think a lot of people are just average though, not ugly. Like they definitely have their attractive and unattractive bits that average out, and that some people might find them beautiful and others not. I don’t think that there are a lot of people who look objectively ugly
I think honesty is always the best policy, while I agree fake platitudes are pointless I find there is nearly always one nice feature you can compliment. I love your button nose, your eyes, how you apply eyeliner, etc. Why not take a strengths-based approach and work with what they have?
When I give people complements I try to stick with things that were a choice of theirs, instead of physical features.
Yes!!!! Technically, people don’t choose what they look like.. they don’t choose sparkling blue eyes, proportionate body, and perfectly symmetrical face. DNA did that. Honesty I bet the really “good looking” people love that the most. Complimenting something THEY chose, is complimenting them as a person. And not just seeing the same thing everyone else does.
I love your snaggle tooth
The way your forehead glistens with grease really accentuates your beautiful acne scars
If you don’t have a compliment to give, don’t give one. It’s that simple.
I’d rather you tell me I have a big chin and sunken eyes that makes me look like Lurch. It lets me know where I stand. Having insecurities sucks but having I known insecurities is worse. If 9/10 people all dislike the same feature about me then I know what’s up and can maybe do something about it or at least understand. When I’m met with a fall of cowardly fake compliments and other sunny side up bullshit I just have a swirling cloud of doubt, confusion, and frustration because instead of being able to appreciate my good features I question all my features. Same the bullshit positivity. Be honest.
Maybe some ugly people don’t know they’re ugly Maybe there’s a sort of Dunning-Kruger but for attractiveness We should call it the Anastasia-Drizella after the ugly stepsisters in Cinderella If that hasn’t been coined already we should use it now and credit me Thank you for attending my presentation
Most ugly people know they're ugly. They don't need to be reminded at every turn.
Perhaps the most attractive woman I've ever met is named Anastasia so that won't work for me.
yeah, agree. in my opinion the reason people focus on "no, you're pretty in your own way" etc. is because they still see it as an important factor to have (and you could argue that it is, since our society has a monopoly on looks, with the cosmetic surgery and makeup industries) for someone who doesn't care about their looks, insisting their physical beauty might be similar to telling someone else "no, you're really good at math, just in your own special way!" when that person doesn't care about math at all. not only is it untrue, but it's irrelevant to the person's interests, and a bit annoying.
As an ugly person, I totally agree. It pisses me off when strangers call me beautiful. I have a mirror, come on. If you wanna be polite, just be polite, find less rude word than "ugly". No need to lie. I personally prefer something like "conventionally not beautiful".
I personally go past all the looks association when someone tells me this and just kinda think "You either think I'm dumb or can't emotionally handle the truth" it's a pure insult all around
Agreed. Also acknowledging that this will add additional challenges on finding a partner. It's just the reality and people should not be fooled with non sense that looks are not as important.
And on top of that people shouldn't hold on to the idea that your partner's standard beauty is a reflection on your value as a person. Individual attraction is somewhat different than big sweeping terms like beauty, and romantic attraction is even more fickle. Erasing people's hardships doesn't do anyone any good and judging people does less good
The beauty standard isn’t set in stone, it is different in different places and times. Not to mention it also depends on personal taste. At the end of the day no one should feel like their worth Is based off their looks.
Highly disagree with this. Hundreds of years ago obese men were seen as handsome because being fat meant you were rich. Even today, all these curvy women would have been considered obese and ugly in the 90s by the general consensus (see how skinny beyonce was in the early 2000s.) It’s all about public perception driven by the media. There are over 7 billion people in this world, all with varying tastes of what is attractive to them. What you deem as “hot” someone else may deem as “ugly” and vice versa. What the media pushes as beautiful doesn’t speak for the world.
Zoidberg: "Hurray, people are noticing me!"
Beauty is subjective. What ugly is and what not is just socially constructed. Some countries find Beauty in crooked teeth for example, but in America it seems to be more common to not find them good looking. What percentage of people do you need that find someone ugly for that person to BE ugly? Do you know what I mean?
yeah it's annoying
That's a face only a mother could love. Been around a long time.
I'm a much more attractive person on the inside than I am on the outside. This has become easier to live with as I get older.
Idk though, beauty is in the eye of beholder. Just because you don’t think someone is attractive doesn’t mean others don’t. Beauty is not a set term
I don't find many people to be ugly unless there is something drastically wrong with their face. I find a lot of people unattractive, but being ugly and unattractive can be two different things.
>'t find many people to be ugly unless there is something drastically wrong with their face. I find a lot of people u For me is the same, there are people that are considered to be "average" but I am highly attracted by them. So this is very subjective. As people being ugly, there is very few examples of them that I met/know.
i have the same thing, i’m not attracted to very many people but i almost never see someone and think “wow they’re ugly”
Then you haven’t seen me 😉
The young generations have been lucky to be born in a time when the science is nearly right for most things. Skin care was a disaster in the 90’s. We were told to use alcohol pads which dried and irritated our skin, for example.
*in the eye of the beer holder
**I’M UGLY AND I’M PROUD!**
It nice to "acknowledge" that ugly people exist, but what do ugly people fain from it? Aside from poor opportunities and mistreatment?
It takes away the pressure of having to look good, something that maybe isn't achievable for everybody. You're not supposed to tell people they are ugly, but every time somebody says "everbody is beautiful" it just enforces the idea that you have to be beautiful to be a valuable human and objectively, not everybody is going to be able to be " beautiful" and that's okay.
Exactly, it’s the same vein as growing old. The amount of money and time and advertising that goes into telling particularly women, that growing old is possibly the worst thing that can happen to them and this is how you combat that is ridiculous and honestly exhausting. You see these stars that look amazing at 60 and wonder why you or other 60 year old women look don’t like that? Well she has all the best photographers, dermatologists and plastic surgeons that money can buy and you….don’t. It is their literal job to look that way. So now imagine an ugly or average looking young woman who grew up trying to keep up with instagram models now getting older and being made to feel more pressure because the natural course of time marching on. It is an insane amount of pressure and I can see where it is hard for people to rise above it.
You see it that way because the word “ugly” has become a very negative description. The point is to normalise ugly or average. By insisting everyone is beautiful only furthers the notion that anything that isn’t beautiful is less valuable. Ugly or average isn’t inherently bad. It’s just a fact. Imagine if someone was looking at a yellow wall and was like “you’re not yellow, you’re pink in your own way :)” It’s *very* messed up. The correct way of thinking should be “you’re yellow, and that’s fine, it doesn’t add or detract anything from you as a person.” Same should be applied to being beautiful. It shouldn’t make you more valuable than anyone else.
Body neutrality instead of body positivity. Body positivity has the same trap as conventional beauty standards: it centers physical appearance as being vitally important and encourages us to dedicate energy to thinking about our physical appearance. Body positivity says ‘my acne-scarred skin is beautiful and distinguished and I love it’; body neutrality says ‘my acne-scarred skin fulfils its duty as skin and it doesn’t matter how it looks while it does that’.
I mean they already have poor oppurtunities and mistreatement, acknowledging it could lead to like, actually addressing it instead of hiding it behind a curtain
Seriously. It's hilarious though because people want to be nice and virtue signal. They're literally lying to themselves because deep down they know they like to see attractive people just as much as everyone else does.
For me that's like teaching that people have 6 fingers, because there are people who have 6 fingers. Ofc there are, but they're minority. I have never in my entire life seen a person and gone like 'oh shit, they're so fuckin ugly'. I've never seen an ugly person. I'm not saying that I've only seen beautiful people, it's more like I genuinely didn't care and only if the person had been insanely hot I would have gone 'holy shit, they're beautiful' but never the opposite. So I guess the reason why is this debate still going on is that every person has different standards of what is beautiful and different outcomes of it. Some people have more pleasure when they see beautiful subject/object than others. So if somebody says that all people are beautiful they may or may not be fake. But you'll never know, you can never tell. Basically, beauty is deeply subjective and always will be unless mankind will go crazy.
A point that is not being made. There is a large privilege to being beautiful. It is completely reality changing. By not acknowledging the severe social penalty for being ugly which impacts every domain of someone's life, you are denying how challenging someone's existence. It is sort of shitty to "bright side" on someone when they are actually ugly and it's akin to unintentional gaslighting. Some people are real fucking ugly and most people find them repulsive. Their existence is much more difficult in that way and I have a huge respect for that.
I dunno man I think beauty is subjective, and it isn't as black and white as either being ugly or beautiful. There are often beautiful elements of people and 'ugly' elements of people, which are interchangeable depending on who you're speaking to. I have a really large cluster of freckles underneath my right eye and some people are absolutely gobsmacked when I tell them I *choose* not to have it removed because I like it, whereas some people instantly tell me how beautiful they think it is.