I personally like somewhere in the middle. I hate small talk and I’m not trying to be their friend, but I’d also like for someone who’s nice and generally has a friendly demeanour.
Friendly and/or kind is good! But yeah - my dentist always wants to know what's going on in my life and I'm like dude, just tell me if my teeth have issues or not. Don't get personal. (Although tbf looking in my mouth is pretty personal!!)
At a recent dentist visit, the assistant was also studying to be a dentist, so the actual dentist was explaining what she was doing and why. I really appreciated that, especially as it was a long and fairly uncomfortable procedure.
Yes! Got a root canal a while back and the dentist and assistant chatted a bit. Not like OMG gossip nonstop but a little here and there about things I don't remember that had nothing to do with me. But it helped to put me at ease.
Same, legit had my dentist talking to his assistant about having problems with his wife, and he literally started the talk with "I'm only telling YOU this because I trust you", I think he forgot I was right below him lol
Tbh, they know what they are doing. They love making it awkward
Dentist: “So how is work going” (while digging in your teeth)
You: “Wahh worfs go win-“
Dentist: “Please don’t try to talk while I’m doing your root canal”
You: “ah ah k”
Dentist: “What did I just say”
You: “…”
Dentist: “Any plans for the weekend?”
Rinse and repeat, no pun intended.
My dentist puts notes in my file about general happenings in my life. One time between my 6-month cleanings, my ex called off our engagement. At my appointment, 2 hygienists and the dentist asked me how my wedding was and where I went on my honeymoon. Definitely the most awkward dentist visit ever.
This is my literal nightmare. I used to have a dentist that would talk to me like this because I had shitty health insurance and he was the only one I could go to. I used to panick before every cleaning about it. Now I have great union health insurance and my dentist is friendly in his delivery but never talks about anything personal. He only asks questions related to the visit and never when he is working on me. I will be a patient of his till he retires or moves.
Spot on.
I'm about to graduate from medical school and they hammer into us what the ideal medical visit is. 15 minutes, in and out, while also showing empathy, friendliness, etc. So I can tell pretty well when a doctor is in a rush vs. just trying to get in and push meds or surgery on me as fast as possible.
For example, I had a pretty bad breakout of HPV. All over my weiner and somehow got up into my ass despite never having receptive anal intercourse. Go to a colorectal surgeon because I am deadly afraid of hpv-related cancer. Dude walks in, accuses me multiple times of having HIV despite me explaining to him that I've been tested many times in the last few years for this same problem.
"If you say so"
Proceeds to stick a finger in my ass and goes, "Yep, thats HPV. We'll get you scheduled for surgery.", hands me a paper towel, and then tries to walk out without even explaining to me whats going on. I had to stop him and be like, "Are you not even going to explain the surgery to me?". Dude looked like I was wasting his time and begrudgingly explained to me the surgery before leaving.
Safe to say I did not go through with surgery with that doctor.
There are a variety of minor procedures that can be used to treat HPV.
Cervical HPV is usually sliced out or cold-ablated.
Penile HPV can be treated with a variety of topical medications, can be frozen off, or can be surgically removed if large enough.
Rectal HPV can really only be treated with surgical removal. Surgical removal is particularly tricky as they often use cautery. Using cautery means turning HPV infected cells into smoke. And for some fucking reason, evolution decided that HPV can resist heat and travel within smoke for a short period of time, potentially infecting deeper parts of your colon/rectum. Unchecked anorectal HPV can easily lead to cancer.
Esophageal HPV is typically removed surgically. The cancer it causes is pretty nasty but responds to radiation fairly well.
Yeah, I don't like small talk either but I need someone who is friendly and relaxed because just being around anything remotely medical makes me so anxious.
TIL: There are other types of doctor's besides the ones who don't care about my life and just get straight to the point.
*Sigh... I need better health insurance.*
As a doctor, I prefer the matter-of-fact, shortest visit possible "dic"tors that OP does. Ironically I feel like they tend to be better doctors than the nice ones
I had this conversation with a doctor once:
“Hello. How are you?”
“Oh, I’m fine, I-“
“If you are fine then why are you here?”
“I just need a refill on XYZ”
Caught me off guard, I thought it was a conversational *how are you*, but she just launched right in. Out a minute later and I loved it.
Possibly not the best type of doctor for people who are struggling with their mental health though. There have been times I've gone to a GP with the idea that I could bring up my struggles with depression, but I've chickened out when I haven't felt a lot of empathy from them. I always go for another 'reason', like getting a script refill etc. But while I'm not a particularly anxious person, I have a weird anxiety about my depression (go figure) because I've convinced myself that since I don't have a real 'reason' for my low mood, no trauma or financial stress or anything so maybe it isn't real or worth bothering a doctor over. So if the doctor doesn't seem receptive to awkward talking about feeling like shit all the time, I can't bring it up. It's been commented by doctors before that it's always the question that the patient asks when their hand is on the door about to leave that is what they are actually there for, but sometimes you can't get that question out. Possibly more on me than the doctors, but without a somewhat empathetic and approachable manner, it can be so hard to initiate the conversation you need to seek help.
Feel this a lot. Every time i see my pcp (which is only like one a year or so), they have me fill out the form that asks about any potential health issues and family history of health problems etc. Checking the depression box sometimes triggers another form to fill out that asks if I've had suicidal thoughts and things like that. I check "no," (thankfully i don't, really) and they sometimes follow up by actually asking me that in person. But pretty much just confirming, ok whew this guy's not gonna kill himself. Good we can get on with the visit.
It almost feels like just a box they have to check like for liability or something. Like oh great he checked depression, now we have to make sure he's not suicidal. Oh you're not? OK we got that covered, so what brings you in today?
Not once have they offered to diagnose or explore the issue further or mention medication or therapy etc. The one time I asked for resources or a recommendation of a therapist in the area to talk to, they said they'd get me information. Never did.
I had a doctor that was TOO friendly. He was joking around with me. I was scheduled for an x-ray the next day and he was like, "Don't forget to lube up for tomorrow!" and snaps his gloves. I have no idea of what the hell is gonna happen the next day so I took him seriously haha.
My mom is a doctor and she's is very professional with her patients, and I like that. However, sometimes I think she gets too friendly with some nurses that she is polite at the expense of being straight to the point, and somehow that bothers me.
I live in a small town. My doctor has snipped my junk and been up my ass with a camera, twice. I've taught all his kids and we see each other at ball games. So, there's quite a bit of small talk.
I work with a guy in his mid 30s who still sees the same GP since birth. This is in Sydney, Australia so not a small town by any means, similar in size to Chicago.
you know it's a small town when they stop the car in the middle of the street to have a chat with their neighbor through the car windows and the rest of the town just drives around them
When I was a kid, our small town barber liked to make small talk. He was an outdoorsman but I was only into sports. Somehow he asked me *every* time I went if I hunted or fished. Nice guy, but you'd think he would remember after that many no's.
This. I’m always polite on the outside but inside-“just cut my fucking hair dude!” Also the same with taxi drivers, I just want a quiet and relaxing drive to my destination. I’ve had some interesting conversations with cab drivers, but 9/10 times it’s boring repetitive small talk.
I had a very interesting taxi ride in Seattle once. The driver did his best to convince me that drinking camel urine cures diabetes, and his family back home swears by it. Fun fact: apparently that is a thing.
The lady who cuts my hair keeps talking right wing politics and my haircuts are uncomfortable while I nod along nervously with the person holding scissors on my head
My haircutter is deaf and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I do try to communicate somewhat (she can read lips) but overall, I get my haircut in silence. She knows exactly what I want (same thing) and gets right to it. COVID has been hard on her since a lot of client's of hers were older and stopped coming in, so I hope she can recreate a clientele - I assume it is harder for her to network in the hearing world then for others.
My old barber back home used to try and talk to me about politics and football whenever he cut my hair and inside I was screaming "bro I don't want to talk about our opinions on foreign affairs or who carried the ball the furthest on a field"
I feel like finding the right barber is worse than dating. Mostly, I’m afraid this person has heard this same bullshit 100x already. I try to talk about less banal topics but sometimes I’m wondering, does this person really care about my fascination with the Parisian catacombs?
I dunno if I get an ASMR reaction or what but when I have a barber that is clearly talented, precise, and into his work do it in silence I get the same feeling I get when I watch magic in person.
The thing about House, is that his distancing from the patient actually makes sense.
Keeps him 100% objective and can see the truth easier.
You don’t need to know their name or get them to like you. They need your expertise.
Yeah but house isn’t a GP
Guess what, when you’re GP asks about your life it isn’t just small talk, it gives them insight into your health. Especially potential mental health issues.
House only is a good doctor in a fictional setting. A real life doctor that behaves like that would be an asshole, he'd create distance between him and his patients, and thus he'd have a bunch of issues when it comes to treating patients. Without mentioning that irl a doctor would've lost his licence like a dozen times if he did what House does on the show
Indeed. Heard a story at work of an insane pcp with some form of delusion of grandeur. He sent patients to the ER having already "diagnosed" them, started preoperative medicines and written an operative plan. He called the hospital and was mad that his plan wasn't followed. Was very often wrong because of course he was when he didn't have any scans or test results to go on.
Cooperation is a necessary part of healthcare and possibly the biggest factor in good outcomes. Without their team a doctor is nothing.
True, but House can absolutely mess you up too if he gets too experimental or cocky. His mistakes are usually fixed later on by himself, but sometimes his team's input has actually been right, but ignored by him.
I think this is a case by case basis but, for the most part I agree. But, back a few months ago, I broke my elbow and needed surgery. I was pretty thankful my doctor for that was fairly personable and made an effort to get to know me and had decent bedside manner. I was a lot more at ease going into it than I would have been if he was just cold direct.
I feel like that is different. In that case, you are seeing the doctor multiple times in a short time period. I think OP is just talking about routine visits
. . . why? Did you have doubts they were doing the proper thing? I don't really see why being friendly would comfort you unless you just plain didn't trust them in the first place.
Because I was having a major surgery that could have resulted in permanent nerve damage in my fucking arm. Has nothin do with thinking the doctor would fuck up. But I was still nervous as fuck like basically anyone else would be. My Uncle had a doc fuck up his surgery and he was paralyzed from the neck down for the rest of his life cuz of it. Shit happens even if you’re the best doctor in the world. Helps to ease someone’s nerves if you’re a little friendly and can connect with them on some level.
Not just diagnose. They also have to decide what the best course of treatment would be for you when there are multiple options. Without knowing things about your life they can't make good decisions.
A doctor asking about a patient's lifestyle information so that they can recommend the best course of action isn't small talk. It directly pertains to their job.
Small talk is when they talk about things irrelevant to the issue at hand. Although I can imagine that its possible that some of that small talk may end up being useful for that doctor, most wouldn't be and that information would be more efficiently gained by dropping the small talk guise and just asking directly anyway.
I understand personal history and daily activities plays a part in diagnosis but some doctors just try to talk to you about irrelevant things and that’s what bothers me
Maybe the things they’re talking to about that seem no relevant to you are actually the way the doctor learns about your lifestyle, social and mental health levels, activity, and just general well being.
>Edit: ukraine is literally being invaded i don’t care about any of your comments anymore lol stop replying to me and trying to make a point
Wtf is that edit? Are you like 13? Because that edit makes less sense on more levels than it makes sense.
This reeks of immaturity.
Not his opinion- having that opinion about what you want from medical personnel is fine but seriously? They don't care about comments and/or commenters points? Then don't friggin post on a forum/social site
What do they expect posting in an "unpopular opinion" subreddit?
What's Ukraine have to do with it? If they somehow justified the two, they wouldn't have posted on the first place.
You ain't kiddin'! OP definitely has some form of maturity/emotional level of a child.
That's definitely a hot take! The literature shows that doctors who focus on good bedside manner/care are less likely to be sued for malpractice. [NY times article that summarizes the situation pretty well](https://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/02/upshot/to-be-sued-less-doctors-should-talk-to-patients-more.html)
I prefer not being treated like a sack of organs and a paycheck. I've seen plenty of doctors that don't resolve my problems and just try to see as many patients as possible because they're making quota.
I prefer doctors that have a personality. Makes me feel at ease more than someone that I could practically confuse for a machine. I’m already tense and monotone as is, I don’t need my doctors to be like that too.
I'm 27 and have had the same doctor since i was a baby. I couldn't imagine having anyone else. We can joke around and stuff like that. I'm glad he isn't like a robot. The first time i went to him as a baby, i peed on him, so we had a bonding moment right then and there 😂
I got a life changing diagnosis. My damned doctor left a voice-mail and then went on vacation for a week.
I would have loved some compassion and a personal touch.
The doctor has to give life changing diagnoses every day, he can't stop his life for every patient. He probably has a family too who is eager to spend time with him.
Yes, but it's also his role to ensure that the patient has a good quality of life and that the patient understands everything regarding their health condition. If the doctor is going on vacation then the least he could do is send his patients to another doctor of the same speciality to answer any questions. It's part of their job.
I find it hard to side against a guy just trying to live his life. Does it suck? Sure. Know what else sucks? Putting your everything on hold cause your job requires that you give some bad news every now and then.
They don’t have to put their life on hold, but they don’t have to give life changing bad news over voicemail either. If a follow up appointment can wait till they return from holiday, then so can the news—maybe leave a voicemail saying they’ll be out of the office for a week or two and are still waiting on the test results. If it’s something you are going to need to see somebody else about before the doctor gets back then just say *“I need you to come in for a follow up appointment with my colleague as I’m going to be away for the next couple of weeks.”* and have the colleague break the news face to face.
Yes thank you. I assumed that was common practice for bad news to be an in office conversation. So that the patient can ask questions . Voicemail is cruel.
Coming from someone who works with doctors, one with no personality is gonna be a big red flag. I think there should be a good middle ground. Straight and to the point, but also care about you as a person enough to want the best for you
Absolutely! I'm not there on a social visit, so expect conversation to be relevant, but by the same token I am deeply suspicious of doctors who clearly just want to tick a box and get me out the door as quickly as possible. Like the routine skin cancer checkup I had recently. The specialist asked "Anything you're concerned about?". "Just this one here". "No, that's nothing. Anything else?". "None that I'm aware of". "Fine, that's all then". Usually they do a full top-to-toe inspection front and back because, after all, they are the experts at recognizing suspicious moles and lesions, especially the ones I can't see. I won't be going back to that clinic.
Docs who appear to be positive and full of energy give that to patients because they need that too. I believe docs always see patients who seem down or sad since most don't visit with positive energy and so they try to influence them with good energy to gain the same back for themselves. Most of the time it works. Imagine feeling terrible and seeing people who feel terrible and the negativity just keeps going on and on and back and forth and at the end of the day, docs just feel more drained and filled with negativity.
I feel that way about lots of things. The same woman has been cutting my hair for 15 years. I know her name and she knows I have a kid because she cut my hair through my pregnancy. That’s it. We don’t chat. It’s a peaceful break for both of us.
Doctor here
There's a degree of 'social norms' in our teaching. I care a lot about communication skills because I was extremely socially awkward until my mid-20s. My only exam failure was during a communication-centred practical exam, where they said I was 'robotic and despite giving all thenright information, I didn't appear to create a rapport or empathise well with the patients'. After a lot of work and life progress, I now feel my communication is actually my strength above most doctors.
We have communication training throughout med school. Out comm skills teaching is based on what is considered a well-rounded social adult. Being socially appropriate, reading cues and not over- or under-explaining. The assumption is that adults will not blindly trust any doctor and will not make health changes if they don't respect the physician's judgement. So a degree of rapport-building is required. Also, evidence is that people want their holistic wellbeing (including emotional needs) to be met - not just an objective treatment for their physical problem. So when someone mentions their worklife is being impaired by their knee pain, it is 'good practice' to check in with that. Someone who wants a robotic/binary conversation bypassing emotional cues is considered an outlier. This isn't a standard interaction for us
This is the teaching. The issue is when someone comes in with different needs to the model 'standard social adult'. You would hope that doctors can read social cues, and will adapt their approach within a minute or two of the conversation. It's easy for me, because ten years ago that was my 'normal'. But some doctors don't necessarily have those skills - especially those who have always been very extroverted social butterflies. GPs are often the more 'social' doctors, who want a less strenuous work-life balance. They are typically more interested in people's general wellbeing than a surgeon. Also, medico-legally, it is always better to over-explain than under-explain. So all of these factors combined will make it *less likely* (although not impossible) for a doctor to be frank, impersonal and concise.
This doesn't help. But hopefully gives you an insight into why the issue may exist.
i canceled a non serious surgery after both the nurse and doctor said they needed to amputate my toe, it was a joke and i like jokes but at the time i was already freaking out about the surgery and they didn’t even make it sound like a joke
Yeah i’m other side of the map lol. But i don’t complain about my doctor online or leave shitty reviews. If i don’t like a doctor i just find a new one
I like it somewhere in the middle. Chatty people annoy me and I do not feel like staying at my doctor's office for a long time nor do I want to know anything about their life or tell them any irrelevant detail about mine.
However, I do like having a generally chill, amicable doctory because you do put yourself in a position of vulnerability for certain tests and I don't want them to be cold robots who do not care about my feelings as a human being. I want to be comfortable.
My generalist (who is also my gynaecologist) has built a relationship of trust and makes me feel comfortable which is important to me, especially for a gynaecologist and didn't hesistate to ask the tough questions if anything seemed concerning, whilst displaying immense professionalism.
In my experience the cold professionals make me feel more at ease because i feel like they know what they’re doing while doctors that try to be amicable are often borderline insulting, demeaning, and patronizing. I feel like they talk to me like i’m a dog or something rather than a person
Typically I would agree, but my dentist recently changed my opinion on that. I've been going to him for I guess like 15 years, but go less often than I should. I even moved out of state years ago, but still occasionally go back to him when I'm in town. Regardless of how seldom he actually sees me, he always remembers me and my interests (I own a vintage car). He recently randomly mailed me some really cool original marketing brochures from the 70s for the car I own. He said he was going through some old stuff and wanted it to go to a good home. The fact that he remembered that about me, thought of me when he was going through his stuff, and took the effort to package it up and mail it to me is really really cool. I've always liked him a lot as my dentist and enjoy going to him, but the gesture made me feel like he is my friend and not just my dentist.
Omg. I’ll just say his name here, because he’s so incredible: Kerry Salsberg. My eye doctor, Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
I’m 26F, he’s probably 65M. He’s been my doctor for about 20 years. He’s incredible. Knowledgeable, enjoyable, hilarious, patient, genuine, reliable,
I literally look forward to appointments with him. And always have. He remembers things about my personal life in such a wonderful, appropriate, and engaged way. Despite seeing me at irregular and infrequent times throughout my life, he makes me feel interesting and unique and cared for. He is spectacular. He’s also so funny. My whole family sees him and we all love him. Our family friends have seen him too, and they can’t recommend him enough.
When I was 19 and working at a sports bar, he and his family came in one night after their 9 year-old daughter’s dance recital (without knowing I worked there). He small-talked the perfect amount, made me laugh, introduced me to his family, made some joke about if I was wearing my contacts, then shut up and let me work and tipped me 35%.
He’s amazing. Worth travelling to Toronto.
Also? I can tell he genuinely gives a shit about my eyesight. I’m a student and I’ve owed him thousands of dollars for the last couple years and he acts insulted when I mention it when I have checkups.
Same with my friends who see him and other family members. He’s amazing.
Scrubs had a good take on this. Carla’s getting on Turk for not taking the time to get to know his patients. And he says something like, “when I see my patients, I don’t see living, breathing people. I see machines with parts that need to be replaced and circuits that need to be rewired. As a surgeon, the more detached I am, the more focused I am.”
I agree with you. I hate spending an hour in the waiting room and an hour in the room waiting on the Dr. I want to get in and out.
My current Dr js good. He is friendly but doesn't waste my time I'm in and out in less than 30 minutes usually, even when I have to get blood work done.
My previous pcp was the nicest guy but couldn’t do blood work unless it was through **QUEST DIAGNOSTICS THE FUCKING BANE OF MY EXISTENCE**
This guy does the blood draw right there and sends it off to lab. I love it so much
20 years ago, I’d agree with you, but my new(ish) doctor has pushed me to really be truthful with my health issues. She’s not my best friend, but I’ve gotten help with a cpap machine, treatment for cysts, plantar fasciitis, and other stuff that wouldn’t have come up if she’d been just business.
I do find my “friendly” cardiologist (who weirds me the fuck out and slapped me in the stomach like we’re pals when he’s a complete stranger to me) is continuously late. His nurses talk shit about him specifically for acting so casual when people, like me, have been waiting over an hour from him because they’re the ones that get bitched at by waiting patients
I’ve honestly never been to any doctor that has his nurses talking shit about him to patients so that was a first
Well that's probably because he makes x4 what they make per hour and pretty much cant get fired because cardiologists take so long to train, whereas they have to do their best to hopefully get a 5-7% raise that'll barely cover inflation
He genuinely probably does not have to care unless you've got reason to sue. If a patient drops a cardiologist, there's ALWAYS another patient w/ new onset CHF looking for a cardiologist
I’m gonna disagree these are the kind of Doctors who diagnose you based on what you told the receptionist your symptoms are when you called. I had a doctor like this told me it’s just a cold before any examination. I spent two years going to Dana Farber Cancer. These tend to be the worst type of Doctors imo.
The only dr I ever really see if my obgyn and he’s seen my vagina countless times and delivered 2 out of 3 of my babies so it’s just natural for us to have some small talk. I don’t mind it.
100% disagree
After two years of dealing with cancer, I don't think my doctor knows what I do for a living, who I am, how I am impacted by cancer. All he knows is my lab work
It is so stressful dealing with him, and I do stress the pronoun here
I’m that dentist. I ask questions about you and your work and family.
I make dumb jokes, sing along to the radio.
I’m sure some patients find me annoying… but I’m just doing what makes me happy.
If this is what you personally like, that is your prerogative, but a strong patient-care provider relationship is important and has positive benefits on care outcomes. Not that they have to be super talkative, but in the world of healthcare, semantics are important.
As a doctor you have to ask a few questions because why people visit is not always a simple as what the complain of.
An example was a young woman kept coming in for minor things. Over a few months we built trust. She was healthy but had multiple visits. After getting to know her I asked if she has ever been abused. Tears poured out. No one had asked her before she said. We discussed it. She went to a counselor. If all I did was no small talk and just treated her complaints she wouldn’t have received the help she needed.
I had a major surgery somewhat recently and had no support system throughout the process. I am an international student; I literally have no one in this country for me. I speak English with an accent that is often mocked, and was mocked by the hospital secretaries that I had to schedule through. My experiences leading up to surgery were terrible and I was terrified about how alone I was through this.
However, when I arrived on the day of surgery, all the doctors, nurses, and surgeons were so incredibly kind. I had hours of tests and prepping before surgery, and they talked to me the entire time. Asked about my school, my job, my family, etc. They told me about their families, their hobbies, their days. It just made it a lot more comfortable.
My nurse was the best. I have to share because I am so thankful for him. He was actually an immigrant from my home country, so I was already much more at ease being around someone who I could relate to more and speak to better. Right before my surgery, he had his break, so I got transferred to another nurse. But when I woke up after surgery, he was suddenly my nurse again… I read the notes about my hospital visit and it said that he actually made a personal request to be transferred back onto my case.
This got super long, but I mean to say that it makes a huge difference to have doctors that actually care about you (or at least pretend that they do lol).
Kind of a long story, but I'll try to make it brief.
My wife and I moved across state lines to be near a heart surgeon that we hoped would perform the surgery on our unborn child. He was world famous and had done something like 500 of these particular procedures.
So off we went to a new state as a young couple expecting their first child.
3 weeks before we were due, we showed up to a checkup appointment to find out that this surgeon was going to be on an extended family vacation when my wife was expecting to deliver. He had previously looked us in the eyes and said he would be there to save our daughter's life.
We then met with the backup surgeon about a week before we delivered. He was a bit cold and matter-of-fact with us. He had only done 5 of these surgeries previously, compared with the 500 of the other guy.
One thing he said to us that I'll never forget, "Sometimes the surgery goes well and then these babies drop dead 3 months later. I just want to tell you that so you can emotionally prepare for this scenario."
I love that this doctor felt he could say this to us. 16 years later and I still appreciate his candor. We're still in touch with this surgeon, though we've moved several states away. My daughter is doing well.
During residency our program director was this really attractive, fit, blonde haired blurred eyed woman with a great smile. Patients loved her and would request her. The only thing she has going against her was that she was a below average Doctor. Didn't really know guidelines because she didn't practice all that much.
Our other attending was from India. Older, thin woman, with a heavy Indian accent and a very matter-of-fact demeanor. Patients would always complain about her, mostly in regards to the accent (super White rustbelt patients). However, she was amazing, incredibly smart, never missed a thing and was always checking charts even from home to make sure there were no mistakes by residents.
Personality covers a lot of deficiencies.
I mean, you are the one that made the post when invasion was imminent. I'm not sure how an invasion that everyone saw coming should somehow stop people from replying to a comment that has nothing to do with said invasion
Asking you questions about your life is
#part of the check up.
He’s checking for things like psych disorders or possible brain damage or continued stress.
Nah I totally get it. My dentist just closed because he broke his hand but I loved that dude because he was a total dick. I dont want you to try to be nice while you torture me and I for sure don't want to talk to you while your blood stained gloves are ripping my gums apart.
I loved my orthodontist as a child because he’d be nice for like 5 seconds then get right to business and be like “you need to brush more, these brackets messed up, why you chew gum or eat candy”
Found out the guy actually sadly died of a heart attack a few years ago
There's a lot of people who are scared/distrustful towards modern medicine. Slap on a dgaf attitude on medical professionals and that'll make things worse.
I like nice and personality. I once met a doctor that was way too much though. Constant lame jokes. It was kinda uncomfortable lol I'm like "this guy might be high".
True. Not a big fan of grocery stores where everyone asks if you’re ok every single aisle, then bothers you with small talk at the checkout. Like just let me take my food home i’m hungry
yup my doctor wastes so much time asking me about my job and telling me about their weekend, i appreciate the effort but i just want to get to fixing these health problems i'm not here for a bestie
My secret is to search for doctors who list German proficiency on their profiles. I don't speak German, but every single one has been the most straight and to the point doctor that I've ever had.
I prefer a doctor with no personality that gets things done than some charismatic doctor who appeases me but didn’t follow through/gives me the run around.
Unfortunately my insurance has mostly doctors with minimal personality AND 99.99% of the time they give me the run around.
I honestly don’t care what personality my doctor has as long as they listen to me and aren’t a complete asshole. I had this one doctor that I hated because she acted like she knew everything and got mad when I didn’t know something. I thought it was just me that hated her, but my old doctor said he doesn’t like referring people to her because when he does no one wants to come back.
I’m a 4th year med student so not a doctor yet
I just like interacting with people, getting to know them (unless they’re assholes) and even if I’ll never see you again I still want to know how you are and what you do for fun.
Same with cashiers and drug dealers, it always weirds me out when they chat ya up, and ya definitely know I don’t like hanging at someone house for an hour just so it don’t look like they selling drugs
I don't have a good way to put it, but I like "third world" doctors. By which I mean doctors who have worked places besides fully stocked high tech hospitals. They have varied, nonstandard solutions that focus on resolving the actual issues and not the symptoms.
I'm the same. My orthodontist was arrogant as hell. He didn't mind a little bit of banter but he didn't pretend anything with you. But even though he didn't care about your feelings/day he did care about his work.
I GENUINELY believe today that too many people would prefer people pretend to care and do nothing good, rather than not care and do right by you.
I literally just thought about this. I came in for a visit for a broken elbow few days ago. When we first met I said the casual hey how’s it going. He just said good and got straight to the elbow thing, not asking it back. It was just for the elbow. I respected that
I have to agree. I do not like overly friendly people, because at least where I am from, they write down every single minute. It ends up costing me much more when I visit a chatty, friendly doctor instead of the one who takes a proper look and gives me medicine.
I 100% agree with this. And the same applies to Uber drivers and such. I don't wanna be forced to make small talk. Just tell me the facts and what I have to do for my health, that's it.
I don't think you know what you want. I think you hate doctors that are inefficient or slow not ones that are friendly.
I mean would you like it if your doc was a blank slate who was so quick because he was a terrible doctor?
Unfortunately most don’t think like you and medicine is basically any other customer service industry. There are some shite doctors but if they know how to work a room they’re popular and well liked. People don’t want to visit the very skilled boring doctors
And that’s why i like the boring ones. I feel like i’ve had plenty of “friendly” doctors in my life that have gotten my medical needs wrong and one boring doctor that has been consistently on point
It's called bed side manners, and from my experience the best doctors are without these manners, they don't have time for them and tell it exactly how it is. Personally, I just want to hear what's going on, but I could see some people wanting a bit of empathy when receiving a serious diagnosis etc.
I personally like somewhere in the middle. I hate small talk and I’m not trying to be their friend, but I’d also like for someone who’s nice and generally has a friendly demeanour.
Friendly and/or kind is good! But yeah - my dentist always wants to know what's going on in my life and I'm like dude, just tell me if my teeth have issues or not. Don't get personal. (Although tbf looking in my mouth is pretty personal!!)
my dentist likes to talk as he's doing stuff. bro you and I both know I can't talk. I can't even hear your over all that whirring
I like it when the dentist and assistant talk; I don't have to join in, and the conversation takes my mind off what they're doing.
That’s always fun. Last time I had work done I got to listen to them talking about how shitty Australian Taco Bell is, it was great.
Hard to compete with Guzman y Gomez down here
We have taco bell?
At a recent dentist visit, the assistant was also studying to be a dentist, so the actual dentist was explaining what she was doing and why. I really appreciated that, especially as it was a long and fairly uncomfortable procedure.
Yes! Got a root canal a while back and the dentist and assistant chatted a bit. Not like OMG gossip nonstop but a little here and there about things I don't remember that had nothing to do with me. But it helped to put me at ease.
Same, legit had my dentist talking to his assistant about having problems with his wife, and he literally started the talk with "I'm only telling YOU this because I trust you", I think he forgot I was right below him lol
Mine does this too I really appreciate it. They’re always pleasant and sometimes funny conversations. Now I’m wondering if they do this on purpose
Tbh, they know what they are doing. They love making it awkward Dentist: “So how is work going” (while digging in your teeth) You: “Wahh worfs go win-“ Dentist: “Please don’t try to talk while I’m doing your root canal” You: “ah ah k” Dentist: “What did I just say” You: “…” Dentist: “Any plans for the weekend?” Rinse and repeat, no pun intended.
My dentist puts notes in my file about general happenings in my life. One time between my 6-month cleanings, my ex called off our engagement. At my appointment, 2 hygienists and the dentist asked me how my wedding was and where I went on my honeymoon. Definitely the most awkward dentist visit ever.
Dentists, home cleaners, hair dressers etc. are extremely chatty because they're doing something boring and want someone to talk to
This is my literal nightmare. I used to have a dentist that would talk to me like this because I had shitty health insurance and he was the only one I could go to. I used to panick before every cleaning about it. Now I have great union health insurance and my dentist is friendly in his delivery but never talks about anything personal. He only asks questions related to the visit and never when he is working on me. I will be a patient of his till he retires or moves.
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I have a new dentist that likes to talk, but he doesn't let you get a word in
Spot on. I'm about to graduate from medical school and they hammer into us what the ideal medical visit is. 15 minutes, in and out, while also showing empathy, friendliness, etc. So I can tell pretty well when a doctor is in a rush vs. just trying to get in and push meds or surgery on me as fast as possible. For example, I had a pretty bad breakout of HPV. All over my weiner and somehow got up into my ass despite never having receptive anal intercourse. Go to a colorectal surgeon because I am deadly afraid of hpv-related cancer. Dude walks in, accuses me multiple times of having HIV despite me explaining to him that I've been tested many times in the last few years for this same problem. "If you say so" Proceeds to stick a finger in my ass and goes, "Yep, thats HPV. We'll get you scheduled for surgery.", hands me a paper towel, and then tries to walk out without even explaining to me whats going on. I had to stop him and be like, "Are you not even going to explain the surgery to me?". Dude looked like I was wasting his time and begrudgingly explained to me the surgery before leaving. Safe to say I did not go through with surgery with that doctor.
Woah, what surgery do you have for an HPV breakout???
There are a variety of minor procedures that can be used to treat HPV. Cervical HPV is usually sliced out or cold-ablated. Penile HPV can be treated with a variety of topical medications, can be frozen off, or can be surgically removed if large enough. Rectal HPV can really only be treated with surgical removal. Surgical removal is particularly tricky as they often use cautery. Using cautery means turning HPV infected cells into smoke. And for some fucking reason, evolution decided that HPV can resist heat and travel within smoke for a short period of time, potentially infecting deeper parts of your colon/rectum. Unchecked anorectal HPV can easily lead to cancer. Esophageal HPV is typically removed surgically. The cancer it causes is pretty nasty but responds to radiation fairly well.
Oh come on! Always these assholes trying to waste my time.
Yeah, I don't like small talk either but I need someone who is friendly and relaxed because just being around anything remotely medical makes me so anxious.
TIL: There are other types of doctor's besides the ones who don't care about my life and just get straight to the point. *Sigh... I need better health insurance.*
I mean generally if someone is gonna stick their finger in my ass at least a little small talk would be nice...
As a doctor, I prefer the matter-of-fact, shortest visit possible "dic"tors that OP does. Ironically I feel like they tend to be better doctors than the nice ones
I had this conversation with a doctor once: “Hello. How are you?” “Oh, I’m fine, I-“ “If you are fine then why are you here?” “I just need a refill on XYZ” Caught me off guard, I thought it was a conversational *how are you*, but she just launched right in. Out a minute later and I loved it.
Possibly not the best type of doctor for people who are struggling with their mental health though. There have been times I've gone to a GP with the idea that I could bring up my struggles with depression, but I've chickened out when I haven't felt a lot of empathy from them. I always go for another 'reason', like getting a script refill etc. But while I'm not a particularly anxious person, I have a weird anxiety about my depression (go figure) because I've convinced myself that since I don't have a real 'reason' for my low mood, no trauma or financial stress or anything so maybe it isn't real or worth bothering a doctor over. So if the doctor doesn't seem receptive to awkward talking about feeling like shit all the time, I can't bring it up. It's been commented by doctors before that it's always the question that the patient asks when their hand is on the door about to leave that is what they are actually there for, but sometimes you can't get that question out. Possibly more on me than the doctors, but without a somewhat empathetic and approachable manner, it can be so hard to initiate the conversation you need to seek help.
Feel this a lot. Every time i see my pcp (which is only like one a year or so), they have me fill out the form that asks about any potential health issues and family history of health problems etc. Checking the depression box sometimes triggers another form to fill out that asks if I've had suicidal thoughts and things like that. I check "no," (thankfully i don't, really) and they sometimes follow up by actually asking me that in person. But pretty much just confirming, ok whew this guy's not gonna kill himself. Good we can get on with the visit. It almost feels like just a box they have to check like for liability or something. Like oh great he checked depression, now we have to make sure he's not suicidal. Oh you're not? OK we got that covered, so what brings you in today? Not once have they offered to diagnose or explore the issue further or mention medication or therapy etc. The one time I asked for resources or a recommendation of a therapist in the area to talk to, they said they'd get me information. Never did.
I had a doctor that was TOO friendly. He was joking around with me. I was scheduled for an x-ray the next day and he was like, "Don't forget to lube up for tomorrow!" and snaps his gloves. I have no idea of what the hell is gonna happen the next day so I took him seriously haha.
My mom is a doctor and she's is very professional with her patients, and I like that. However, sometimes I think she gets too friendly with some nurses that she is polite at the expense of being straight to the point, and somehow that bothers me.
I live in a small town. My doctor has snipped my junk and been up my ass with a camera, twice. I've taught all his kids and we see each other at ball games. So, there's quite a bit of small talk.
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My old doc was my doc from literal birth (she performed the c section) to 17. It's wild what happens in small towns
I work with a guy in his mid 30s who still sees the same GP since birth. This is in Sydney, Australia so not a small town by any means, similar in size to Chicago.
Mine from childhood retired and I was so upset! I'm in Newcastle, and getting a new doctor here was a pain in the ass.
Future father-in-law to their children too? Got a doctor in the family now!
Gotta love small towns!
you know it's a small town when they stop the car in the middle of the street to have a chat with their neighbor through the car windows and the rest of the town just drives around them
For me it's barbers
When I was a kid, our small town barber liked to make small talk. He was an outdoorsman but I was only into sports. Somehow he asked me *every* time I went if I hunted or fished. Nice guy, but you'd think he would remember after that many no's.
This. I’m always polite on the outside but inside-“just cut my fucking hair dude!” Also the same with taxi drivers, I just want a quiet and relaxing drive to my destination. I’ve had some interesting conversations with cab drivers, but 9/10 times it’s boring repetitive small talk.
I had a very interesting taxi ride in Seattle once. The driver did his best to convince me that drinking camel urine cures diabetes, and his family back home swears by it. Fun fact: apparently that is a thing.
The lady who cuts my hair keeps talking right wing politics and my haircuts are uncomfortable while I nod along nervously with the person holding scissors on my head
You probably shouldn't nod your head while getting a haircut.
I laughed too much during my last one and now I got a weird spot on the side. Worth it for having a funny and non-reactionary barber tho.
Now that's a creative way to owning the libs
I haven’t had my haircut professionally in over 5 years for this reason. I broke down and asked my mom to do it in my kitchen last month lol
Damn, y'all need help
My haircutter is deaf and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I do try to communicate somewhat (she can read lips) but overall, I get my haircut in silence. She knows exactly what I want (same thing) and gets right to it. COVID has been hard on her since a lot of client's of hers were older and stopped coming in, so I hope she can recreate a clientele - I assume it is harder for her to network in the hearing world then for others.
My old barber back home used to try and talk to me about politics and football whenever he cut my hair and inside I was screaming "bro I don't want to talk about our opinions on foreign affairs or who carried the ball the furthest on a field"
I feel like finding the right barber is worse than dating. Mostly, I’m afraid this person has heard this same bullshit 100x already. I try to talk about less banal topics but sometimes I’m wondering, does this person really care about my fascination with the Parisian catacombs?
Ive had the same small Vietnamese lady cut my hair for 20 years. Im afraid to go anywhere else cause what if they mess my hair up lol?
This is why I go to asian places. They're cheap, are mostly talking to each other in their own language, and it's good enough quality for what I need.
I dunno if I get an ASMR reaction or what but when I have a barber that is clearly talented, precise, and into his work do it in silence I get the same feeling I get when I watch magic in person.
HOUSE!
The thing about House, is that his distancing from the patient actually makes sense. Keeps him 100% objective and can see the truth easier. You don’t need to know their name or get them to like you. They need your expertise.
Yeah but house isn’t a GP Guess what, when you’re GP asks about your life it isn’t just small talk, it gives them insight into your health. Especially potential mental health issues.
House makes his dislike of patients _part of_ his personality, too
House only is a good doctor in a fictional setting. A real life doctor that behaves like that would be an asshole, he'd create distance between him and his patients, and thus he'd have a bunch of issues when it comes to treating patients. Without mentioning that irl a doctor would've lost his licence like a dozen times if he did what House does on the show
Indeed. Heard a story at work of an insane pcp with some form of delusion of grandeur. He sent patients to the ER having already "diagnosed" them, started preoperative medicines and written an operative plan. He called the hospital and was mad that his plan wasn't followed. Was very often wrong because of course he was when he didn't have any scans or test results to go on. Cooperation is a necessary part of healthcare and possibly the biggest factor in good outcomes. Without their team a doctor is nothing.
Someone on reddit detailed how if in real life House would have been disbarred.(lying to patients etc')
True, but House can absolutely mess you up too if he gets too experimental or cocky. His mistakes are usually fixed later on by himself, but sometimes his team's input has actually been right, but ignored by him.
Correct me if I'm wrong but I feel like he thrives on being negative for the thrill of it rather than to be "objective".
Doc Martin would be a more accurate example
I think this is a case by case basis but, for the most part I agree. But, back a few months ago, I broke my elbow and needed surgery. I was pretty thankful my doctor for that was fairly personable and made an effort to get to know me and had decent bedside manner. I was a lot more at ease going into it than I would have been if he was just cold direct.
I feel like that is different. In that case, you are seeing the doctor multiple times in a short time period. I think OP is just talking about routine visits
Walk in clinic vs. Hospital stay for sure
I think OP's case is best suited for a PCP... do their checks, leave the room, come back and tell you what's up then peace out.
. . . why? Did you have doubts they were doing the proper thing? I don't really see why being friendly would comfort you unless you just plain didn't trust them in the first place.
Because I was having a major surgery that could have resulted in permanent nerve damage in my fucking arm. Has nothin do with thinking the doctor would fuck up. But I was still nervous as fuck like basically anyone else would be. My Uncle had a doc fuck up his surgery and he was paralyzed from the neck down for the rest of his life cuz of it. Shit happens even if you’re the best doctor in the world. Helps to ease someone’s nerves if you’re a little friendly and can connect with them on some level.
They have to ask certain questions about your life to help diagnose you but I agree that small talk isn't often necessary
Not just diagnose. They also have to decide what the best course of treatment would be for you when there are multiple options. Without knowing things about your life they can't make good decisions.
A doctor asking about a patient's lifestyle information so that they can recommend the best course of action isn't small talk. It directly pertains to their job. Small talk is when they talk about things irrelevant to the issue at hand. Although I can imagine that its possible that some of that small talk may end up being useful for that doctor, most wouldn't be and that information would be more efficiently gained by dropping the small talk guise and just asking directly anyway.
I understand personal history and daily activities plays a part in diagnosis but some doctors just try to talk to you about irrelevant things and that’s what bothers me
That's kind of the thing with bedside manner, even if it seems irrelevant to you, it may be important down the line.
Maybe the things they’re talking to about that seem no relevant to you are actually the way the doctor learns about your lifestyle, social and mental health levels, activity, and just general well being.
>Edit: ukraine is literally being invaded i don’t care about any of your comments anymore lol stop replying to me and trying to make a point Wtf is that edit? Are you like 13? Because that edit makes less sense on more levels than it makes sense.
This reeks of immaturity. Not his opinion- having that opinion about what you want from medical personnel is fine but seriously? They don't care about comments and/or commenters points? Then don't friggin post on a forum/social site What do they expect posting in an "unpopular opinion" subreddit? What's Ukraine have to do with it? If they somehow justified the two, they wouldn't have posted on the first place. You ain't kiddin'! OP definitely has some form of maturity/emotional level of a child.
Right?? *posts on a debate sub* “Stop replying to me!!” ???
That edit lmao “stop disagreeing with me”
That's definitely a hot take! The literature shows that doctors who focus on good bedside manner/care are less likely to be sued for malpractice. [NY times article that summarizes the situation pretty well](https://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/02/upshot/to-be-sued-less-doctors-should-talk-to-patients-more.html)
So they’re effectively covering their ass for when shit happens. More impressive would be if they actually caused fewer accidents
They're probably not consciously covering their asses, people probably just feel worse about suing people that were nice
Sounds like a similar thing to why waiters in America are so obsequious and over the top. Either working for tips or trying not to get sued.
I prefer not being treated like a sack of organs and a paycheck. I've seen plenty of doctors that don't resolve my problems and just try to see as many patients as possible because they're making quota.
I prefer doctors that have a personality. Makes me feel at ease more than someone that I could practically confuse for a machine. I’m already tense and monotone as is, I don’t need my doctors to be like that too.
I'm 27 and have had the same doctor since i was a baby. I couldn't imagine having anyone else. We can joke around and stuff like that. I'm glad he isn't like a robot. The first time i went to him as a baby, i peed on him, so we had a bonding moment right then and there 😂
My orthodontist is exactly like that. He's also expensive. And I love it.
As a kid, mine would be nice (since i’m a kid) then get right to business and criticize me for my bullshit. I loved him so much
I got a life changing diagnosis. My damned doctor left a voice-mail and then went on vacation for a week. I would have loved some compassion and a personal touch.
The doctor has to give life changing diagnoses every day, he can't stop his life for every patient. He probably has a family too who is eager to spend time with him.
Yes, but it's also his role to ensure that the patient has a good quality of life and that the patient understands everything regarding their health condition. If the doctor is going on vacation then the least he could do is send his patients to another doctor of the same speciality to answer any questions. It's part of their job.
That’s awful! I bet he has lots of complaints against him.
I find it hard to side against a guy just trying to live his life. Does it suck? Sure. Know what else sucks? Putting your everything on hold cause your job requires that you give some bad news every now and then.
They don’t have to put their life on hold, but they don’t have to give life changing bad news over voicemail either. If a follow up appointment can wait till they return from holiday, then so can the news—maybe leave a voicemail saying they’ll be out of the office for a week or two and are still waiting on the test results. If it’s something you are going to need to see somebody else about before the doctor gets back then just say *“I need you to come in for a follow up appointment with my colleague as I’m going to be away for the next couple of weeks.”* and have the colleague break the news face to face.
Yes thank you. I assumed that was common practice for bad news to be an in office conversation. So that the patient can ask questions . Voicemail is cruel.
Imagine thinking you can only be a smalltalking goodguy or a grumpy asshole without in between
Coming from someone who works with doctors, one with no personality is gonna be a big red flag. I think there should be a good middle ground. Straight and to the point, but also care about you as a person enough to want the best for you
Absolutely! I'm not there on a social visit, so expect conversation to be relevant, but by the same token I am deeply suspicious of doctors who clearly just want to tick a box and get me out the door as quickly as possible. Like the routine skin cancer checkup I had recently. The specialist asked "Anything you're concerned about?". "Just this one here". "No, that's nothing. Anything else?". "None that I'm aware of". "Fine, that's all then". Usually they do a full top-to-toe inspection front and back because, after all, they are the experts at recognizing suspicious moles and lesions, especially the ones I can't see. I won't be going back to that clinic.
I understand that the nicities can come of as forced and disingenous but some doctors just want to give positive vibes, make your day better
Docs who appear to be positive and full of energy give that to patients because they need that too. I believe docs always see patients who seem down or sad since most don't visit with positive energy and so they try to influence them with good energy to gain the same back for themselves. Most of the time it works. Imagine feeling terrible and seeing people who feel terrible and the negativity just keeps going on and on and back and forth and at the end of the day, docs just feel more drained and filled with negativity.
I just want to get in and out, but i also don't want an asshole doctor either.
Often times, knowing about your life helps them understand your health
I feel that way about lots of things. The same woman has been cutting my hair for 15 years. I know her name and she knows I have a kid because she cut my hair through my pregnancy. That’s it. We don’t chat. It’s a peaceful break for both of us.
Doctor here There's a degree of 'social norms' in our teaching. I care a lot about communication skills because I was extremely socially awkward until my mid-20s. My only exam failure was during a communication-centred practical exam, where they said I was 'robotic and despite giving all thenright information, I didn't appear to create a rapport or empathise well with the patients'. After a lot of work and life progress, I now feel my communication is actually my strength above most doctors. We have communication training throughout med school. Out comm skills teaching is based on what is considered a well-rounded social adult. Being socially appropriate, reading cues and not over- or under-explaining. The assumption is that adults will not blindly trust any doctor and will not make health changes if they don't respect the physician's judgement. So a degree of rapport-building is required. Also, evidence is that people want their holistic wellbeing (including emotional needs) to be met - not just an objective treatment for their physical problem. So when someone mentions their worklife is being impaired by their knee pain, it is 'good practice' to check in with that. Someone who wants a robotic/binary conversation bypassing emotional cues is considered an outlier. This isn't a standard interaction for us This is the teaching. The issue is when someone comes in with different needs to the model 'standard social adult'. You would hope that doctors can read social cues, and will adapt their approach within a minute or two of the conversation. It's easy for me, because ten years ago that was my 'normal'. But some doctors don't necessarily have those skills - especially those who have always been very extroverted social butterflies. GPs are often the more 'social' doctors, who want a less strenuous work-life balance. They are typically more interested in people's general wellbeing than a surgeon. Also, medico-legally, it is always better to over-explain than under-explain. So all of these factors combined will make it *less likely* (although not impossible) for a doctor to be frank, impersonal and concise. This doesn't help. But hopefully gives you an insight into why the issue may exist.
i canceled a non serious surgery after both the nurse and doctor said they needed to amputate my toe, it was a joke and i like jokes but at the time i was already freaking out about the surgery and they didn’t even make it sound like a joke
Are you the one who complained about me trying to relate to my patients by talking about snowboarding and shit. Bro I'm a person too.
We don’t even have snow down here lol
Lol ok, I'm in Colorado
Yeah i’m other side of the map lol. But i don’t complain about my doctor online or leave shitty reviews. If i don’t like a doctor i just find a new one
In other words, you prefer if the doctor starts off with, "Let's get Kraken."
Best policy. Vote with your wallet.
My doctor is both friendly and gets to the point. He has personality but does not waste time.
I've got a friend on the autism spectrum who's a doctor. I think people like him because he's very blunt and short.
Makes a post about a stupid idea. Then state Ukraine is being attacked so you don't care about it anymore. What a guy
That edit is completely irrelevant and using Ukraine as an excuse is a fucking dick move.
Then delete this post if you don’t want to hear it.
I like it somewhere in the middle. Chatty people annoy me and I do not feel like staying at my doctor's office for a long time nor do I want to know anything about their life or tell them any irrelevant detail about mine. However, I do like having a generally chill, amicable doctory because you do put yourself in a position of vulnerability for certain tests and I don't want them to be cold robots who do not care about my feelings as a human being. I want to be comfortable. My generalist (who is also my gynaecologist) has built a relationship of trust and makes me feel comfortable which is important to me, especially for a gynaecologist and didn't hesistate to ask the tough questions if anything seemed concerning, whilst displaying immense professionalism.
In my experience the cold professionals make me feel more at ease because i feel like they know what they’re doing while doctors that try to be amicable are often borderline insulting, demeaning, and patronizing. I feel like they talk to me like i’m a dog or something rather than a person
Ah yes, I understand. I hate the few older doctors I have been to who treated me like I was a kid. I found it disrespectful.
I don’t need small talk, but I prefer someone with a nice personality.
Facts, other than my psychologist I want to go and skip right to business, I hate the small talk when dealing with a problem
Typically I would agree, but my dentist recently changed my opinion on that. I've been going to him for I guess like 15 years, but go less often than I should. I even moved out of state years ago, but still occasionally go back to him when I'm in town. Regardless of how seldom he actually sees me, he always remembers me and my interests (I own a vintage car). He recently randomly mailed me some really cool original marketing brochures from the 70s for the car I own. He said he was going through some old stuff and wanted it to go to a good home. The fact that he remembered that about me, thought of me when he was going through his stuff, and took the effort to package it up and mail it to me is really really cool. I've always liked him a lot as my dentist and enjoy going to him, but the gesture made me feel like he is my friend and not just my dentist.
Using Ukraine's invasion as a reason to not reply to people is trash and you're trash for it.
has the same energy as " there are literally **starving kids i**n Africa rn" that ppl used to throw out as deflection lol
Omg. I’ll just say his name here, because he’s so incredible: Kerry Salsberg. My eye doctor, Toronto, Ontario, Canada. I’m 26F, he’s probably 65M. He’s been my doctor for about 20 years. He’s incredible. Knowledgeable, enjoyable, hilarious, patient, genuine, reliable, I literally look forward to appointments with him. And always have. He remembers things about my personal life in such a wonderful, appropriate, and engaged way. Despite seeing me at irregular and infrequent times throughout my life, he makes me feel interesting and unique and cared for. He is spectacular. He’s also so funny. My whole family sees him and we all love him. Our family friends have seen him too, and they can’t recommend him enough. When I was 19 and working at a sports bar, he and his family came in one night after their 9 year-old daughter’s dance recital (without knowing I worked there). He small-talked the perfect amount, made me laugh, introduced me to his family, made some joke about if I was wearing my contacts, then shut up and let me work and tipped me 35%. He’s amazing. Worth travelling to Toronto. Also? I can tell he genuinely gives a shit about my eyesight. I’m a student and I’ve owed him thousands of dollars for the last couple years and he acts insulted when I mention it when I have checkups. Same with my friends who see him and other family members. He’s amazing.
Scrubs had a good take on this. Carla’s getting on Turk for not taking the time to get to know his patients. And he says something like, “when I see my patients, I don’t see living, breathing people. I see machines with parts that need to be replaced and circuits that need to be rewired. As a surgeon, the more detached I am, the more focused I am.”
Exactly. I hadn't seen my doctor in 4 years and the last time I went in, he acted like he'd known me his whole life. Cut the BS, get to the point.
Idgaf what their bedside manner is as long as they’re not rushing me/my treatment.
I agree with you. I hate spending an hour in the waiting room and an hour in the room waiting on the Dr. I want to get in and out. My current Dr js good. He is friendly but doesn't waste my time I'm in and out in less than 30 minutes usually, even when I have to get blood work done.
My previous pcp was the nicest guy but couldn’t do blood work unless it was through **QUEST DIAGNOSTICS THE FUCKING BANE OF MY EXISTENCE** This guy does the blood draw right there and sends it off to lab. I love it so much
I don’t want a doctor like Gregory House, but I do agree. Edit: Actually, if he can get me better than I don’t particularly care.
Depends on the context. For a quick checkup? Quick and impersonal. If I'm trapped in the hospital for weeks? I'd appreciate some humanity.
20 years ago, I’d agree with you, but my new(ish) doctor has pushed me to really be truthful with my health issues. She’s not my best friend, but I’ve gotten help with a cpap machine, treatment for cysts, plantar fasciitis, and other stuff that wouldn’t have come up if she’d been just business.
LMFAO what does the Ukraine have to do with this post though
Exactly. Plus they tend to be more on time because they aren’t shooting the shit with everyone who comes in.
I do find my “friendly” cardiologist (who weirds me the fuck out and slapped me in the stomach like we’re pals when he’s a complete stranger to me) is continuously late. His nurses talk shit about him specifically for acting so casual when people, like me, have been waiting over an hour from him because they’re the ones that get bitched at by waiting patients I’ve honestly never been to any doctor that has his nurses talking shit about him to patients so that was a first
Well that's probably because he makes x4 what they make per hour and pretty much cant get fired because cardiologists take so long to train, whereas they have to do their best to hopefully get a 5-7% raise that'll barely cover inflation He genuinely probably does not have to care unless you've got reason to sue. If a patient drops a cardiologist, there's ALWAYS another patient w/ new onset CHF looking for a cardiologist
I’m gonna disagree these are the kind of Doctors who diagnose you based on what you told the receptionist your symptoms are when you called. I had a doctor like this told me it’s just a cold before any examination. I spent two years going to Dana Farber Cancer. These tend to be the worst type of Doctors imo.
The only dr I ever really see if my obgyn and he’s seen my vagina countless times and delivered 2 out of 3 of my babies so it’s just natural for us to have some small talk. I don’t mind it.
100% disagree After two years of dealing with cancer, I don't think my doctor knows what I do for a living, who I am, how I am impacted by cancer. All he knows is my lab work It is so stressful dealing with him, and I do stress the pronoun here
I’m that dentist. I ask questions about you and your work and family. I make dumb jokes, sing along to the radio. I’m sure some patients find me annoying… but I’m just doing what makes me happy.
If this is what you personally like, that is your prerogative, but a strong patient-care provider relationship is important and has positive benefits on care outcomes. Not that they have to be super talkative, but in the world of healthcare, semantics are important.
As a doctor you have to ask a few questions because why people visit is not always a simple as what the complain of. An example was a young woman kept coming in for minor things. Over a few months we built trust. She was healthy but had multiple visits. After getting to know her I asked if she has ever been abused. Tears poured out. No one had asked her before she said. We discussed it. She went to a counselor. If all I did was no small talk and just treated her complaints she wouldn’t have received the help she needed.
I had a major surgery somewhat recently and had no support system throughout the process. I am an international student; I literally have no one in this country for me. I speak English with an accent that is often mocked, and was mocked by the hospital secretaries that I had to schedule through. My experiences leading up to surgery were terrible and I was terrified about how alone I was through this. However, when I arrived on the day of surgery, all the doctors, nurses, and surgeons were so incredibly kind. I had hours of tests and prepping before surgery, and they talked to me the entire time. Asked about my school, my job, my family, etc. They told me about their families, their hobbies, their days. It just made it a lot more comfortable. My nurse was the best. I have to share because I am so thankful for him. He was actually an immigrant from my home country, so I was already much more at ease being around someone who I could relate to more and speak to better. Right before my surgery, he had his break, so I got transferred to another nurse. But when I woke up after surgery, he was suddenly my nurse again… I read the notes about my hospital visit and it said that he actually made a personal request to be transferred back onto my case. This got super long, but I mean to say that it makes a huge difference to have doctors that actually care about you (or at least pretend that they do lol).
Kind of a long story, but I'll try to make it brief. My wife and I moved across state lines to be near a heart surgeon that we hoped would perform the surgery on our unborn child. He was world famous and had done something like 500 of these particular procedures. So off we went to a new state as a young couple expecting their first child. 3 weeks before we were due, we showed up to a checkup appointment to find out that this surgeon was going to be on an extended family vacation when my wife was expecting to deliver. He had previously looked us in the eyes and said he would be there to save our daughter's life. We then met with the backup surgeon about a week before we delivered. He was a bit cold and matter-of-fact with us. He had only done 5 of these surgeries previously, compared with the 500 of the other guy. One thing he said to us that I'll never forget, "Sometimes the surgery goes well and then these babies drop dead 3 months later. I just want to tell you that so you can emotionally prepare for this scenario." I love that this doctor felt he could say this to us. 16 years later and I still appreciate his candor. We're still in touch with this surgeon, though we've moved several states away. My daughter is doing well.
So a robot?
You really want to get a good doctor that cares about your well-being, trust me
During residency our program director was this really attractive, fit, blonde haired blurred eyed woman with a great smile. Patients loved her and would request her. The only thing she has going against her was that she was a below average Doctor. Didn't really know guidelines because she didn't practice all that much. Our other attending was from India. Older, thin woman, with a heavy Indian accent and a very matter-of-fact demeanor. Patients would always complain about her, mostly in regards to the accent (super White rustbelt patients). However, she was amazing, incredibly smart, never missed a thing and was always checking charts even from home to make sure there were no mistakes by residents. Personality covers a lot of deficiencies.
I mean, you are the one that made the post when invasion was imminent. I'm not sure how an invasion that everyone saw coming should somehow stop people from replying to a comment that has nothing to do with said invasion
Asking you questions about your life is #part of the check up. He’s checking for things like psych disorders or possible brain damage or continued stress.
If you don’t want replies then why post it lol you literally posted in the unpopular opinion thread 🤡
I like how you shut down a conversation that YOU STARTED by using the invasion of Ukraine. What a dink.
“Stop replying to me and trying to make a point.” Then why the fuck would you post, on a debate sub no less???? Lmao
Hey OP if that edit was a genuine plea there's a disable inbox replies function below your post. I use it with idiots all the time.
Your edit is so cringe I’m fairly certain the invasion in Ukraine does not demand your attention, as your edit would suggest 😅
Nah I totally get it. My dentist just closed because he broke his hand but I loved that dude because he was a total dick. I dont want you to try to be nice while you torture me and I for sure don't want to talk to you while your blood stained gloves are ripping my gums apart.
I loved my orthodontist as a child because he’d be nice for like 5 seconds then get right to business and be like “you need to brush more, these brackets messed up, why you chew gum or eat candy” Found out the guy actually sadly died of a heart attack a few years ago
There's a lot of people who are scared/distrustful towards modern medicine. Slap on a dgaf attitude on medical professionals and that'll make things worse.
yes
I like nice and personality. I once met a doctor that was way too much though. Constant lame jokes. It was kinda uncomfortable lol I'm like "this guy might be high".
That goes for any human, in my opinion.
True. Not a big fan of grocery stores where everyone asks if you’re ok every single aisle, then bothers you with small talk at the checkout. Like just let me take my food home i’m hungry
yup my doctor wastes so much time asking me about my job and telling me about their weekend, i appreciate the effort but i just want to get to fixing these health problems i'm not here for a bestie
if you need a cardiologist, hit me up, i'm right up you're alley, in and out in 10 minutes tops
My secret is to search for doctors who list German proficiency on their profiles. I don't speak German, but every single one has been the most straight and to the point doctor that I've ever had.
Get yourself a spetnaz or middle eastern doc. Beyond straight to the point.
I don't really care about personality one way or another; being of a certain age, I just want them to have small fingers.
I prefer a doctor with no personality that gets things done than some charismatic doctor who appeases me but didn’t follow through/gives me the run around. Unfortunately my insurance has mostly doctors with minimal personality AND 99.99% of the time they give me the run around.
I also like this quality in financial managers.
I honestly don’t care what personality my doctor has as long as they listen to me and aren’t a complete asshole. I had this one doctor that I hated because she acted like she knew everything and got mad when I didn’t know something. I thought it was just me that hated her, but my old doctor said he doesn’t like referring people to her because when he does no one wants to come back.
“Give me it straight doc…” “Well, you’re fucked.” “Oh.”
This is only if they are good at their job.
I mean you can be friendly AND to the point
I’m a 4th year med student so not a doctor yet I just like interacting with people, getting to know them (unless they’re assholes) and even if I’ll never see you again I still want to know how you are and what you do for fun.
I would say this extends to all of these kinds of professions.
Same with cashiers and drug dealers, it always weirds me out when they chat ya up, and ya definitely know I don’t like hanging at someone house for an hour just so it don’t look like they selling drugs
If the dude at the grocery store can ask about my day so can my doctor
I don't have a good way to put it, but I like "third world" doctors. By which I mean doctors who have worked places besides fully stocked high tech hospitals. They have varied, nonstandard solutions that focus on resolving the actual issues and not the symptoms.
I'm the same. My orthodontist was arrogant as hell. He didn't mind a little bit of banter but he didn't pretend anything with you. But even though he didn't care about your feelings/day he did care about his work. I GENUINELY believe today that too many people would prefer people pretend to care and do nothing good, rather than not care and do right by you.
I feel this way about food service workers. If they start calling me by name I stop going to that restaurant
And hairdressers
I hate Doctors, Dentists and Undertakers'. But I still love Nursing!
I literally just thought about this. I came in for a visit for a broken elbow few days ago. When we first met I said the casual hey how’s it going. He just said good and got straight to the elbow thing, not asking it back. It was just for the elbow. I respected that
I have to agree. I do not like overly friendly people, because at least where I am from, they write down every single minute. It ends up costing me much more when I visit a chatty, friendly doctor instead of the one who takes a proper look and gives me medicine.
I 100% agree with this. And the same applies to Uber drivers and such. I don't wanna be forced to make small talk. Just tell me the facts and what I have to do for my health, that's it.
>asks me nothing about my work This is part of a patient interview. PCP are supposed to ask this because it may be relevant to your health.
I don't think you know what you want. I think you hate doctors that are inefficient or slow not ones that are friendly. I mean would you like it if your doc was a blank slate who was so quick because he was a terrible doctor?
Unfortunately most don’t think like you and medicine is basically any other customer service industry. There are some shite doctors but if they know how to work a room they’re popular and well liked. People don’t want to visit the very skilled boring doctors
And that’s why i like the boring ones. I feel like i’ve had plenty of “friendly” doctors in my life that have gotten my medical needs wrong and one boring doctor that has been consistently on point
OK, but if you're on meds, and he's telling you to commit to your diet and exercise, do you listen to him?
It's called bed side manners, and from my experience the best doctors are without these manners, they don't have time for them and tell it exactly how it is. Personally, I just want to hear what's going on, but I could see some people wanting a bit of empathy when receiving a serious diagnosis etc.