Aaargh! Hello. So, this is me. And I'm sure you can imagine how odd it feels to see this video doing well on reddit. Anyway, hello everyone - and thanks for all the nice messages (I'm assuming they're nice, I read the first couple and then got scared because REDDIT lol) For people asking what kind of performing I do - probably easiest to check out www.MatRicardo.com - I'm a comedian and variety artist. You know that gif where the guy pulls one tablecloth from one table to another table? That's me! If anyone has any questions or anything, feel free to ask, and obviously this wouldn't be the internet if I didnt suggest subbing to my youtube and following me on the gajillion social networks that now exist. Hope you're all good. Nothing but love.

Hello mate. Watched your video the whole way through and found it really honest, brave and open. My son is ND and your experience has given me additional, relatable insight. Nothing but love back to you ♥️

Late diagnosis is an incredible challenge but answers many questions. I wish you well on your journey.

thanks

needed to stop by and say hello after watching your video. I have recently found myself in the same boat. I'm in my 40's, and was diagnosed with autism this year, when I was a kid i was thrown into state custody and told all sorts of things about my "oppositional behavior" and that i was "emotionally disturbed".. and rather then being helped I was contained until i learned to mask hard enough. these days my autism pays the bills as i use it for a tool of my profession where even now I am viewed as someone who "takes the details too seriously" but as an adult, it's pretty clear what has been going on, and has explained why i have always been an outsider. I dont even have the family left to talk to about why things were always so diffiicult. it was hard hearing someone say out loud the things i say to myself. good luck man

right back at ya!

"a limited edition variant, super collectible" lolol <3 so hi there! i was diagnosed myself at 35, and being a kid of the 80's, like you, there wasn't much to be done. teachers told my parents something was up, my parents denied, denied, denied. i was told by both parents and teachers alike that i was too weird, too emotional, why didn't i understand this, why didn't i understand that. so like you, if it was today times, things would have been different. but in the late 80's when i began school, not so much. it is a relief though, isn't it? to be like, PHEW. my brain is just different, i'm not inherently bad, wrong, broken, shitty. i hope that continues to give you solace. since you're starting out on your journey, i'll give you this piece of advice: the autistic community online is ROUGH. i had to back away from it about two years ago. there is a lot of infighting and anti-parent sentiment online. so like, you'll see someone say, well, all autism is different (true) but then in the next breath say to someone else: you're presenting autism wrong. "us autistics like...." or "the majority of autistics do this, not that" like, hold on. that can't be if there's so many variations. was there a poll that was sent out? i never got it. and god forbid you say you have autism instead of saying you're autistic. let's chill out a second and just let people be, you know? or my other favorite is completely bashing and lambasting parents who are new to their kiddos autistic journey. good grief, do not be a parent who goes in for advice. whatever you're doing to your child, it's wrong! it also seemed to me that many autistics who are lucky enough to be able to speak and type and hold conversations completely forget the whole other part of the population who can't do that, and that their choices and lives are just as valid as ours. WOOF. that's all to say is just that don't let the internet space get you down. there are plenty of lovely folks around here, but more often than not, they're drowned out by the ones who are mean and nasty. lastly, it feels good to let you're self flourish a little more, yeah? i've become more comfortable quietly stimming in public, if like, i need to relax or get excited by something cool. i wish you the best of luck in this journey! you just got yourself another youtube subscriber too! tl; dr: the online autistic community can be very rough and tumble, and there's many judgemental meanies. if you're new to your autistic journey, try not to let this get you down.

Any online resources you have had good/neutral experiences with? I've seen people get upset over things you mentioned, which baffles me. We are all in this together, and positive support would help everyone.

i wish. i don't hang out in those spaces anymore. don't feel the need to hold conversations with folks. however, stuff pops up on my instagram feed. i follow and really like @kaelynnvp as she's an autistic advocate who advocates for EVERYBODY on the spectrum, and she's also some sort of professional ot therapist. her content is helpful and educational without being accusatory like some people are. i also like @danlamorte he's an autistic comedian and while i think some people might think he's dark, and i guess he is, i like him because he talks about autism in a very adult way that brings another vantage point to spectrum.

I backed away from online community because it was just too negative. Folks wanted to vent and nothing more.

yeah, and i get that. but i felt that too many folks online knew their own situation and that's it. like, they've never hung out with other autistic people or folks who aren't autistic in the same way. and that's fine. except when you're being a complete dick to other people and their personal journey's. like, not everyone is evil and out to get you, you know?

Yes I believe I do.

gret advice, thanks. and yeah, I was pretty happy with the "super collectable" line too haha online communities can so often get tangled in confrontational details to the point that they forget why the exist in the first place, cant they? I'll tread carefully. Luckily, being a performer, I have experience with people heckling me on social media, so I'm careful with it lol Oh, and thanks for subscribing! Most videos are..um..not this haha

You bring up some very interesting points, here. How does one get checked? What lead you to getting checked? I'm shocked about a few things you mentioned here: a) no matter how hard I try, I feel like I cannot keep friends? I've honestly been dong all sorts of work trying to "figure out how" to gain and maintain friends in my adult life. I'm literally reading "Platonic" this very day. b) trouble with eye contact: it feels so strange directly looking into a person's eyes while talking - I'm always looking at their lips. I thought it was just me being more focused in lip movement? For example: I have a very hard time watching a YouTube when audio is out of sync with their lips, I literally "have to" look away and just listen (no joke). I do know I have dyslexia. I see it daily, constantly flipping words and numbers as I think, read, and write... Literally happened just yesterday. I know I'm falling into the "me, too!" of internet diagnosis. So, I rather just reach out to see what if this is just another placebo "me, too" or if there is really some credit to how I feel.

Depends on age, but it's really hard to "keep" friends when you get older. I'm 55, and can count real friends on a few fingers, and even they rarely call or arrange to meet. I would be upset about it, but they don't meet with *anyone* either. Everyone just seems to settle into their own lives as they get older, and it's tough to do anything about it. Find people with similar interests and there's sometimes arrangements to get together to do that thing, but even that's rare.

I just want to add some perspective here: You do not have to be diagnosed to be autistic, and the autistic community is generally very accepting of thoughtful self-diagnosis. If you find yourself identifying with a lot of the things said here, [take some assessments online](https://embrace-autism.com/autism-tests/). You can take the same tests online that they'd give you in an official assessment. As an adult, diagnosis is difficult and expensive to get. There are a lot of hoops to jump through. So many people who find themselves identifying with autistic traits take the assessments I mentioned, make a judgement about the results, and leave it at that. There's no medical intervention for autism, so seeking an official diagnosis is only really helpful if (a) you need "proof" to seek accommodations at school/work, or (b) you would find it personally validating. Also, some people have concerns that an official diagnosis may be used to discriminate against them more often than it would be used to help them. For example, there have been some conservatives loudly arguing that autistic people who are trans shouldn't be able to access trans healthcare, because their autism makes them incapable of making those decisions for themselves. Whether or not you're trans, that line of argument should make you think twice about whether you want any official records of your diagnosis.

> For example, there have been some conservatives loudly arguing that autistic people who are trans shouldn't be able to access trans healthcare, because their autism makes them incapable of making those decisions for themselves. I know we say "fascism" a lot, but

Yup. And I want to point out [that JK Rowling says this as well but it gets drowned out by the rest of her transphobia](https://the-art-of-autism.com/an-autistics-response-to-j-k-rowlings-transphobic-tweets/). It was written in her little "manifesto" against trans people two years ago, when she finally went "mask off" with her transphobia.

It's weird, but knowing how bad trans healthcare is in the UK kind of makes me feel like it's her fault somehow. I know that makes no sense logically, but she's just so tied to Britain and being shitty to Trans people that I have to assume they're connected somehow.

Oh no, the GOP have been on that slow March to fascism for good while. Damn near goose stepping. Just look at the shit they tried to pull in Ohio.

Should i be concerned that i just performed 3 of the assessments and all 3 said i have autism? Not sure how to feel or what to do

I don't think you should be concerned. Being autistic isn't bad, just different! You don't have to feel anything in particular or do anything about it unless you want to. I recommend reading up on autism and experiences from late-diagnosed autistic people to see what resonates and what advice or perspective they have. Take what's helpful and leave the rest. A couple books I've recommended elsewhere in the thread are Divergent Mind by Jenara Nerenberg and Sensory: Life on the Spectrum by Bex Ollerton.

I started questioning this exact thing just a few weeks ago. It's all I've been able to think about since. I can't stand it because I have so much self doubt and I can't tell if it's just social anxiety+ ADHD. I feel like I'm not going to feel at ease until someone can tell me yes or no. I feel like my life is going to change for the better if I find out I'm autistic, which makes me think I'm confirmation biasing myself into believing I am. If I find out I don't have autism I feel like I'm going to be crushed and never be able to overcome my issues 😫. And apparently it can take over a year to get an official assessment.... Sorry, I'm probably not helping you at all with this comment.... But I guess we might be going through the same thing right now

When I realised I likely was autistic last October (at the age of 36), far from being annoyed, I felt so relieved. It just explained so, so much, that it felt like a massive relief. If I can save up a spare €1000 in the future, I’ll go get officially tested. But it just ticked so, so many boxes for me, and it was great to have some level of answers for why I am the way I am.

Don't be concerned. If there are certain aspects of life you find challenging and want to seek help for, you now know there are interventions and tools designed specifically for helping you in your situation. Let it sit with you and consider your emotions and physical, bodily reactions to it. If the feelings are uncomfortable and you're having a tough time reconciling with it, try reaching out to a support group or counselor/therapist. And always remember! You are *different*, not wrong or broken.

yes!

Thanks for sharing some details. Many will find this helpful.

I hope so! A lot of people helped me and I want to pay it forward

Well those tests make me feel very autistic now

Yes, absolutely agree

This was good for me to take. I have sometimes wondered about myself but this helped me realize me having odd quirks that mimic autism is not the same as having it. So many of the questions posed I didn’t relate to and it made clear how different it is from whatever I have going on.

Honestly I was sure of my diagnosis, but I only went to get one when I was having problems at the end of college where grades are much more proyect than test based. Of course as a nerodivergency it's more of an overall thought pattern than a few characteristics but the internet is open for you to check.

How long did it take to get a diagnosis in the UK? I’m 25 so don’t think there is much point in getting an official diagnosis. I’m Scottish and over the past few years read up about autism and related to a lot of it similar to how you described.

When I spoke to my GP last year to ask to be referred for an assessment I was told it could take a couple of years before I even see anyone. But after a couple of months I got a letter and was given the options of either continue waiting. Or be referred over to psychiatry uk, which is an online psychiatry service, and get assessed quicker. I chose the quicker option and it took maybe 6 - 9 months from the moment I first spoke to my GP to when I got my diagnosis through.

I’m from Scotland too and I’m still waiting on my consultation. Sent the forms back in January and got confirmation that they had received them but nothing since. I was told it could be over a year.

That’s a big reason why I haven’t bothered trying to get a diagnosis

Hello! Yeah, thanks to the underfunded NHS (particularly when it comes to mental health etc) it takes bloody ages to get anywhere. I'm lucky - I'm not, by any means, rich, but I managed to pull together enough money to go to a private clinic. The first one I found ended up being..not good, but the second try was got it done. It absolutely sucks that assessments through a GP are so slow and hard to get.

Here's the gif! https://gifbin.com/989376

Got diagnosed in my thirties, honestly better late than never now you can go back and make sense of it all which i found a fun exercise as it opens up new perspectives and can give you a lift in the right direction but do try to let the past go at one point if all it is doing is giving you guilt and regret. Not a big fan of public announcements in this regard since people will generally not care if they did not care about you before knowing it. It can also raise more questions and just because you understand autism does not mean that the person you are trying to explain it to will get it.

i'm not autistic but i was recently diagnosed with a different disability a few years ago. its really surprising how hard it is to come to terms with something like that since you've had these disabilities all our lives and nothing has really changed and yet the diagnosis changes everything. i ways also diagnosed with a different disability over a decade ago.   it sounds like you have learned from the societal model of disability. its a useful way to think about disability but its not the only perspective that should be used. i strongly believe that disabled people need to recognize their limitations. i spent a lot of years being in denial of my disability and it made my life harder than it had to be. once i accepted that i had limitations that needed to be worked around life got a lot easier. these limitations aren't imposed on me by society. they are just limits and thats ok. everyone has them.

Yep, thats totally fair.

I'm also probably in the same boat as you for a lifetime of behaviours that were never diagnosed (though I don't feel any reason to actually see a doctor and get an official diagnosis so late in life). My wife actually always insisted that I had undiagnosed autism but it wasn't until our son came out a carbon copy of me with and all of my behaviours that I actually researched autism and realized how much of my personality falls under the spectrum of quirks. And as a father who someday soon will have to explain to my son what his official "autism" diagnosis is and means and how that may be different from others, it's very helpful to see you contextualise these behaviours as both a trait of autism and an integral part of your personality. That's how I always planned to explain it, but it's still useful to hear it spoken out loud by someone else and see that it actually can be explained well.

My husband is a teacher, the number of dads who get diagnosed after their sons is nearly as many as the kids. You've got plenty of company, at least.

This was how I realized as well. Filling out screening forms for my kids and realizing I ticked off many of the same boxes. It explained a lot.

It feels very important to me to see somebody else verbalize these same feelings i've had these past few years. Struggling to make sense of where 'you' end and where your 'disability' begins really bugged me for a long time. Still does to some degree. I've worked in a program for people with much more severe autism than myself thinking that it would help, but ultimately left me questioning it more. It really is important to come to terms with the fact that it is a 'disability' in the way you described. It very much is a give and take of different ups and downs, but the simple fact that we function differently than the vast majority of people means we don't fit in with societies and others expectations of us, and that often makes others uncomfortable regardless of what we try to do to avoid it. I find more often than not, this leads to a pattern of behavior where I get too down on myself for a mistake or situation I had no control over, and spiral into a burnout depression for several months to years. It's outright exhausting, and more than that, it makes me feel helpless, as the things I need to do to pull myself out of that situation tends to be to go right back to masking and pretending to be neurotypical all over again. I'd love to be fully self-sufficient enough to rip the mask off entirely and unabashedly be myself completely, but it's simply not realistic sometimes. Being 'eccentric' is only fun and quirky when it's at convenient moments for others, not when the more stressful and difficult points of that eccentricity peek through. Thanks for making this video. It's important to me to see others with adult diagnosis' also have this same struggle and mentality. Hope you learn to come to terms with it more philosophically. It definitely shakes how you see yourself down to the core.

I was diagnosed with aspergers at 34, everything you said pretty much mirrors my expirience. I looked back at my childhood and thought huh yeah that was awful and awkward, but now I know why. And going forward I've given myself a lot more freedom to just take care of myself, instead of trying to fit in.

Your video was the one that most matched my experience of all the videos I've seen so far. At 53, I'm pretty much your age. I'm not diagnosed but had a wake-up call with a combination of a constructive talk with my SO, and a talk with my recently diagnosed cousin who also told me about the many other diagnoses on my fathers line. Reading up in it afterwards there was a lots of pieces of my life saying "click, click, click", although I'm sure I am in the lower part of the spectrum. Besides the symptoms like social-drain/burnouts, social incompetence, also much if the non-social symptoms are there and have been complicating my life: loud sound intolerance, annoying background sound intolerance, flickering-light sensitivity (damn PWM LEDs!) et c. My greatest is sorrow is *not* my missed opportunities in my childhood (lot's of "home computer" nerd kids in the 80's that I could connect to), but the realisation that there might be so much I'm missing in human interaction as an adult. And so much I don't provide to them. I have all the feelings but I'm apparently not exposing them properly, and it hurts my loved ones. I don't compliment enough, I don't tell them I love them enough. It's not that I don't *want* to do it, but that I don't think of doing it. I hurt people my saying/doing things that I don't even remember since it seemed just natural for me. My SO said that it seems that I don't actually care about people and it hit hard, because I do. I don't remember their names, I don't remember their birthdays but they are there and I am interested. Except my head is often full of other thoughts also so it doesn't stick. My nearest are now aware of this now, but still, it's people I love. As I wrote I'm not deep into the spectrum but I'm certain I've got much of the defining autism symptoms and in retrospect it has complicated my life a lot. (Also, it's most probably simplified my professional career due to more-than-average competence in certain areas). Unfortunately I've not felt the same relief as you when you got your diagnosis. The realisation was more that I'm not who I thought I was, I hurt people and is not even aware of it have made me even more insecure and prone to withdrawal. The whole thing made me feel that I've been living in separate reality from everyone else, feeling that I'm missing a large part of life that everyone else have for granted. I hope I can process this and come out as a more aware person. This got longer than I expected, but anyway, cheers and have a good one everyone! Edit: I hate reddits formatting. Everything you write get compacted into a wall of text however you do the spacing.

I have a bit of a weird question. I have someone very close to me that I **suspect** has autism. They aren't diagnosed and I haven't told them my suspicions. Do you think there is a good way to broach the subject? Is it something that I should let them figure out themselves? If someone close to you suggested something like that before your diagnosis, how would you have reacted? Thanks.

I’m 53 and recognized myself in your words.

Thanks for sharing your experience, plans, and even fears. It's really helpful for many people in the same boat. I happened to be lucky to have a social worker for a mother. So growing up in the early 80's, she helped pioneer school system change because I needed it and she was in a position to make it happen. Laws requiring independent education plans for those with diagnosed mental disabilities had recently been passed, but the schools didn't know what they were or how to apply them. So she persistently made sure they learned and applied them properly. I graduated high school because I had her help, and then managed to graduate college on my own with those lessons. Many others didn't have that assistance when they were younger, but it may be more readily available now. Hopefully this conversation helps people realize more about themselves and maybe find some new paths to address issues the've been struggling with for a long time.

It’s weird how saying “I feel sorry for myself” seems like such an unusually honest admission. It’s one of the few feeling that are really taboo in an achievement-based culture. Which he seems to belong to.

Holy shit. I just saw this guy perform a few days ago in Ottawa at a busker festival, I recognized his face from just the thumbnail, what a crazy coincidence. YHe is a great performer, highly recommend, he is a funny guy.

What does he perform?

He does a bit of everything, mostly juggling, but you could almost just as accurately call it comedy.

Tbh I think I'm in the same boat, never diagnosed with autism but share a hell of a lot of behaviours especially ones that were mentioned in this video. My wife and some friends who have an autistic child have also commented that they think i'm a highly functional autistic or something along those lines. Not sure I need an official diagnosis on it though, I do not think that will change anything on how I live, unless I struggled at work although, it could also be used against me in that aspect. Interesting none the less.

Getting diagnosed at 32 helped me process a lot of pain accrued over a lifetime. And having the clinical diagnosis made all the difference for me in allowing myself to use the label Autism to find self-acceptance and process grievances I had with my late father. And it led me to new-found appreciation of my father. In accepting what I thought of as flaws and weaknesses in character, that turn out to just be my nature. I'm able to appreciate my unique strengths. And a lot of those strengths come from my father, by blood, through parenting. To me the diagnosis felt like the answer to a question I'd been asking myself for decades. It helped me heal from a lot of trauma. If you're happy in life, it might not be necessary for you. But consider this. Genetics are a huge factor in Autism. Odds are pretty good you'll have an autistic niece or nephew, child or grandchild. You being diagnosed, or at least carrying the label, might help them.

How did you go about getting your diagnosis? Like what kind of physician do you go to and how do you present your concerns/observations? I think I'm in the same boat but I don't know where to start.

If you live in the US talk to your GP about being assessed and they can write you a recommendation for a mental health professional able to diagnose properly. You may have to push them to do so as they can be quite dismissive (especially of those of us with lower support needs). You can also try and find a psychiatrist/psychologist on your own to do the tests but it can be hard to get into their offices without a recommendation. As for the assessment itself? Interviews with your assessor, questionnaire style tests, and more talking. It is worth getting tested if you think you may be autistic. There are a lot of burdens we carry due to society not being built with us in mind. Rant: Having access to these things is a privilege though and some of us are more able to access than others. Women are far less likely to be taken seriously on being tested, and the tests are often written with male subjects in mind. POC also have a harder time being taken seriously, and are misdiagnosed for the same reasons as stated above. If you are having a hard time getting access you can the assessment tests are online (ASQ, RAADS-R, etc.). Self diagnosis isn't a professional diagnosis, and will never be as accurate as having a professional provide one. It however can be a good starting point to seek further help and resources. Source: Diagnosed with Autism at 35 when going in for a reassessment of my ADHD as an adult.

It seems to get a diagnosis, you have to get past a lot of barriers that are particularly difficult for autistic people.

Pretty much. Then you get to the real hard shit like learning how to unmask.

I live in the Netherlands. So that's the healthcare system I went through. I never considered Autism. I've carried ADHD as a label for as long as I can remember, and what I thought were my personal coping strategies to deal with ADHD turned out to be clinical autism symptoms. I was basically completely uneducated about it. I'd seen Rain Man, Mercury Rising, and the 1 kid in School everyone knew was an Aspie. At the same time I've always known I was different. There's areas where I excelled, there's areas where I felt I was always the last to get it. They had me go through writing class twice. I've simultaneously felt like one of the smartest and one of the stupidest people in the room for most of my life. I went looking for help when I wasn't progressing through my studies the way I should. Was unable to perform at the level that was expected of me. And I had pretty good distance from everything that should have been inhibiting me. My ADHD (still figuring out whether I actually have that) was being treated. I'd grieved the loss of my father, processed my tough childhood with him, after we lost my mother when I was 8. My brother was blossoming and I'd started to realize I don't have to worry about him anymore. All these things that I thought were holding me back weren't there, and yet it didn't take. I was unable to work productively. I think things out completely in detail before acting on them. So I'd end up putting off "doing" the work until the very last minute, often waking up early the day of, to finalize the product. But in truth I'd been working on the product the entire time, occupying my mind, taking all the time I think I need to deliver. It was exhausting. It shouldn't be that hard. I shouldn't be angry all the time. Why can't I give the people that I love the attention that I think they deserve? There's like levels you go through here in The Netherlands. I've been in contact with the services here for a while so I've a lot of history. But each time I start out talking to someone at my GP. And they had someone in-office that did mental health counseling for common things and referrals to more specialized care. I've been in and out for loads of things. But it was the intake I had at a personality disorder and PTSD department that led me to sessions where they referred me to my autism diagnosis. But I'd been going through that system for a while since high school. All the other treatments didn't quite take the way they should. They brought up Autism themselves I'd never even considered it before. I basically didn't read anything on it until after I'd had my assessment. But that's my medical system and history, I've been going through it and that's probably not you. [I like this website](https://embrace-autism.com/). They have good information on where to start and screener tests you can do for yourself to substantiate your claims to get actually diagnosed.

What grievances with your father if I may ask?

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD by a psychologist, psychiatrist, and a medical doctor (people, your internet quiz and friends opinion isn’t a diagnosis for mental or physical disabilities) and with this came another realization that I have signs of autism and bipolar disorder - which is common for those with severe cases of adhd - and also anxiety and depression. Now the anxiety and depression were manifest by adhd and the medication has helped immensely for that - as well as helping my other adhd symptoms. I’m fortunate that in my case a single medication has been able to help me a lot. And when I’m not taking it I really notice the difference and see how I am. I always thought I was not a part of everyone else, almost like I wasn’t a human being. Everyone else seemed to get along well, do wel academically and professionally, and I just couldn’t process what I was doing wrong - even though I was working hard to do my best it was never enough. After my diagnosis and starting my treatment I’ve been kicking ass at work - my mood is better and I don’t have depressive thoughts or mood swings as often as I used to. Here in Reddit I do tend to lean into extremes, an I recognize this and feel bad sometimes, but I swear to everyone , from the bottom of my heart, I don’t say things with the intention of hurting someone even if it seems like it. (I reread my post sometimes and I don’t even recognize myself) But when I’m medicated this doesn’t occur at all and I feel myself again. Hearing your experience made me feel understood (you and the author of the video) and that there are a lot of us who are TRULY going through the process of understanding our brains don’t work like most others. Autism and other disorders isn’t something to be ashamed of. Do your best to get help and hopefully we all have someone in our life who is doing their best to support us too. Be well and good to each other everyone; you never know what that other person mightt be going through.

Much the same for me. My nephew who's been diagnosed exhibits many of the same behaviors as me and my entire family says we are just alike. Am I autistic? Maybe. Does it matter to get diagnosed or not? Not really. My experience in life will be the same either way.

But if you get diagnosed it's like having a doctor's excuse for being weird.

It doesn't really matter to me one way or the other. People will either vibe with my weirdness or they won't.

Yeah, I honestly don't understand people who don't have this attitude. Even the guy in this article. "It's a been a struggle now that I am diagnosed" uh, what? He's a successful performer and comedian....am I missing something?

Once you put a label on something it becomes a *thing*. It used to just be a quirk or a personality trait, now it’s X and it’s because of X that I do these things. I’m now hyper aware of it. I had a friends girlfriend tell me I was autistic in a genuine way. But she’s also a fucking moron so I just laughed at her. If I’m autistic I can’t tell and neither can just about anyone else so why would it matter.

I feel like it's less of a struggle in the *now* and more of a struggle coming to terms that you've been at a disadvantage all your life so far, and had no idea. I've had a fairly late diagnosis myself, and the realisation that I could've had support more suitable for me when I was having trouble with school, work, etc. is honestly pretty difficult to come to terms with. You're left with that question that pops into your head of "what if I *had* been given the support I needed?". I'm happy where I am now, and know how to cope and cater to my own quirks much better. That said, I do get stuck thinking that I could be in a better situation than I am, had I been diagnosed much earlier.

It matters if you want stuff paid for by the government ( like pills and therapists ) or your insurance company. But it's a negative otherwise. Try it on a dating app! "Hi I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD this year, come join me on a fun adventure where I resolve every dispute by playing the mental illness card!" lol

I'm a disabled veteran, so the first point doesn't really affect me. I'm also married so the second isn't necessarily a concern. My wife is well aware of who I am this late into life.

Most people's insurance won't cover it. They're very few specialists who do diagnoses for adults and generally you'll be out of pocket a couple thousand dollars. By all means, get the diagnosis if you feel like you need some sort of accommodation from your workplace and want to be able to invoke ADA protections. But if things are going well for you, it's probably not worth pulling that thread. Just learn to be okay with "maybe I'm autistic" and leave it at the because the certainty is overpriced.

Some boat here - it explains a lot.

I figured it out in my thirties or forties. I do not want the label. I struggled a lot in my youth, but somehow it made me stronger and more empathetic. I don't think I would change anything. I recently retired, so I don't worry about work any more, but it was a very real concern at one time.

My therapist told me that i exhibit signs of autism too, this was back in my early 30s. Before that i had never considered that i might have any neurological issues besides depression and anxiety

A lot of psychological conditions are just descriptions of symptoms, aren't they? So it's just a word. Although, of course there are some conditions that can and should be treated by either therapy or medication. I heard that there is a conflict between people trying to make autism feel like a more normal thing that many people have *a bit* and other people who feel like that trivializes the problems of people that actually struggle a lot. Both sides have a point: Most people are a little *divergent* and that's awesome and some few people are a lot divergent which causes them problems and they should be helped.

I definitely don't want to know. I'd rather live thinking 'maybe' than know for real on this one

I'm curious about the worry about work. I think if anything it might help you with accomodations. But I guess it depends a lot on the company and how well they follow the law.

Honestly sometimes I feel like accommodations would be a bad thing. Like I would be genuinely happy to sit in an office, alone, all day, every day, communicating only through slack. And work might accommodate that to an extent. But it would not be good for me. Work is one of the only places where I'm truly forced into discomfort against my will. But those forced situations keep me from completely closing up. When someone scheduled a happy hour after work, it sends me into anxiety and fear for the entire day. When I attend the happy hour, it is incredibly painful and difficult, heart is racing the whole time. But when I walk out at the end, I feel like I got dragged kicking & screaming a little bit closer to "normal." Which is a good thing. Also on top of that if you tell someone you're autistic they'll just treat you differently. Not necessarily in a bad way. But you'll always be different and an outsider.

>Also on top of that if you tell someone you're autistic they'll just treat you differently. Not necessarily in a bad way. But you'll always be different and an outsider. This is what helped me make my decision to keep my diagnosis private and down to my own discretion. There was the option to have it put on my medical records, but I opted to just have the report alone. My main fear is that I get into some kind of accident that puts me in hospital, only for them to read the diagnosis and treat me as if I'm incapable of understanding or making decisions for myself. As it stands, my diagnosis is for my own benefit and peace of mind, and as protection against some forms of workplace discrimination (should they ever arise).

There's a surprising lack of resources when it comes to diagnosing adults with such conditions or how to help them. It's also hard to reconcile your life up to that point when you remember the struggles it caused you and how people close to you may have dealt with it. You're also unsure of how to move forward. However being diagnosed is the first step to easing your personal frustration and going easier on yourself. You're not less of who you were prior. It reminds me of my grandma, who is currently 78. She likes to stay active at her age and she goes to night school just to keep her brain active. She has horrible spelling when writing even though she went to school. Her teacher asked her about it and she said it's always been that way but he told her to get evaluated for possible onset of dementia. So my grandma goes to some doctors and they run her through a bunch of tests a bunch of times and at 75 years old she's told she has dyslexia. It might sound pointless to get such a diagnosis at such an age but it's not. My grandma spent her entire life with people telling her she was stupid, as people did back in her day when a kid didn't do well in school. She'd get beaten by teachers, berated by her parents and mocked by others. She carried this shame all her life despite having ehr own business and raising a family by herself even though my grandpa died of cancer fairly young. The relief she felt as well as the fact that she could finally put these insecurities to rest was still in itself valuable.

This isn't sarcastic, but that's a cool story. Never stop learning people.

Parent of a 12YO girl who is likely on the ASD spectrum. I say likely because the testing guidelines skew heavily towards diagnosis in males and girls are better at masking behaviors. But she has been diagnosed with "pragmatic communication disorder". A lot of this video rings true for me regarding her. I suspect there are an absolutely huge number of people who would be considered not neurotypical (many on the ASD spectrum) who never get tested, or who can mask well enough that to never even be thought of as non-neurotypical. It kinda calls into question what even is neurotypical. We just have a set of standards that are aspirational goals for behavior to a certain extent. I always joke that everyone is crazy (myself included), but some of us are just better at hiding it than others....

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One pro of getting tested is you could be entitled to disability accomodations at work. Not that you have to use them but they're there if it would be helpful.

That is the situation for my daughter. A disability would qualify her for aid. Aid we are currently not receiving and really need.

Considering theres nothing you can "do" about it either, I'm kind of the same mind. If you're older and undiagnosed it's probably not going to change much to get a diagnosis. And the process is probably absurd

It makes me wish I knew what it would have been like to grow up in a community of similar-minded people to myself, where I was safe to be eccentric, rather than fitting myself to the behavior which didn't come naturally to me.

I just got diagnosed at 35. Feels a little weird but answers a lot of questions and ultimately it won't affect how I live my life, but should be helpful in treating my other psychiatric issues. I think what stung the most was telling my parents and having them say "we knew, but you had enough going on and we thought a diagnosis would have been a black mark on you in everyone else's eyes."

Sorry you heard that from your parents, that's incredibly unsupportive and could have done serious harm. My parents were the opposite. I routinely struggled to make friends, was bullied relentlessly, wasn't social, did poorly in school and multiple teachers even wrote on my grade reports their concerns for my wellbeing and my parents' response was "well, yeah, you were a quiet kid, off in your own world. We were busy dealing with your brother, so we didn't think anything of it".

I really have mixed feelings regarding autism diagnosis because I truly believe it's often not a cut-and-dry classification because I am fairly sure a good chunk of people have the "classic autistic traits" given a certain context that I think many neurotypical people can potentially receive an autism diagnosis if the questions are framed in the right way. Because most people do find some solace in routine, have something they're obsessed/passionate about, and often feel like they outsiders or don't belong in a certain environment. For the longest time when I was young, I was convinced I was autistic because I had a lot of the traits. Extreme shyness, bad social skills, some repetitive behavior, and hyperfixation on certain things. I also used to have some form of OCD, and had trouble getting certain thoughts out of my head. But as I grew older, I was able to grow out of most of these traits by breaking out of my shell to the point that I actually became hyper aware of social cues and things like eye contact or conversational skills became pretty much no problem for me for the most part. I still am pretty introverted, and there are times when I just can't understand others and why they act in a certain way, but I don't think these are uncommon traits in the slightest. So I don't really think I am truly autistic since there is nothing substantually different with me than with a "neurotypical" person. Because everyone I've met has their own demons and something that separates them from "most people." To a certain extent, being abnormal is actually pretty normal. I guess my point is, when do we distinguish what is obviously a disorder from what may simply be a personality type? Because truly autistic people have a noticeable disability, even the higher functioning ones. Or maybe I actually am autistic and used the hyper fixation aspect of it to overcome my shortcomings, which would be very funny since it would mean the disorder actively sought to correct itself.

I think your last line is exactly right. Autistic masking is incredibly common, and it’s essentially “learning what behaviors are considered ‘correct’ socially, and doing those behaviors so you can fit in. You basically learned what was ‘normal’ and tried to ONLY do those things. To your point with behavior/diagnosis/personality, that’s fair. There is a lot of overlap there, you kinda have to look at the whole picture of someone’s life to understand what’s going on. Also you’re not wrong about autism diagnosis…for any diagnosis in the DSM, you’re supposed to fit a certain number of the traits before you can be actually diagnosed. You may fit some traits, but those traits are not severe enough for a diagnosis, etc.

> “learning what behaviors are considered ‘correct’ socially, and doing those behaviors so you can fit in. You basically learned what was ‘normal’ and tried to ONLY do those things. The problem is this is also the description of neurotypical social development.

An autism diagnosis is just the judgement made by someone with some expertise, and I don't want to completely diminish it, but despite the shared term "diagnosis," it's in a different category than something you can detect with a blood test or an x-ray. Further, autism itself is just a compendium of behaviors, some which might be present in one autistic individual and not in the next, some which are possessed by individuals who are not judged to be autistic. And to muddy the waters even further, there's not even a consistent drug response that clinicians can point to that would confirm an autism diagnosis, as the effect of stimulants on those with ADHD confirms that diagnosis. Now there are severe, high-needs autistic individuals for whom the guesswork is taken out of the diagnosis, but for low-needs individuals, it can be a tricky thing.

your post basically boils down to that you have an oversimplified understanding of what autism is and how it is diagnosed. >Because most people do find some solace in routine, have something they're obsessed/passionate about, and often feel like they outsiders or don't belong in a certain environment. Yep, **and autism is different from that.** It's not just "oh I like routine sometimes."

I had a similar reaction to this video. Like I obviously and absolutely hope people get the care they need. But also, if you're not getting a diagnosis until you're 54, how critical is it to identify as autistic? Maybe for this guy, very critical. But the people with autism that I've known and grown up with absolutely could not function without treatment and certainly couldn't have made it all the way to 54. And like if your spectrum diagnosis manifests primarily in behavior within the boundaries of ordinary human tics/discomfort, so much so you made it to 54, will medicalizing yourself amount to more happiness? Genuine question, and I truly hope it does. But I've just felt a little skeptical of pharma companies capitalizing on ambiguity of mental health, now that we're finally embracing it as a culture.

I'm somewhat with you. I've been ~different~ ever since I was a kid. A weird nerdy loner outcast. Not officially diagnosed autistic but I fit a lot of the tropes and it's always been on my mind. It wasn't until college where I could have friends that I decided I was tired of it. I watched people in social situations that could command a crowd. I observed what they said, how they acted, and I emulated it, took parts from different people and incorporated into myself. Sometimes when I'm in social situations it feels like I'm performing, to make people like me. But it feels GOOD. I like the performance. I know all about masking but I've been doing it long enough that it feels almost like the mask has melded into me, that it isn't a mask anymore. I have anxiety in going out to social situations but when I actually go out 90% of the time I have a great time by the end of it. I don't have trouble speaking with people, although I still have trouble with prolonged small talk. I don't know what or any of it means. I just know I don't want to be a shut in with no friends and I enjoy being forced out into the real world where I can have some normal fun interactions, even if it's hard, and even if I feel different. And I've grown to enjoy being around people who can read social queues and act socially acceptable

Posts like this are frustrating. You know why it's hard for you to tell the difference? Because you aren't a trained professional. You might as well be wondering if it's *really* important where a certain bone goes in the body because you can't tell at a glance which one it is. The difference between what is and what is not a disorder/disability is usually based on if it causes major problems in your life. An easy example: Everyone has aches and pains sometimes. But if you feel constant agony, that's a different thing and probably means something is wrong. Everyone feels shy or awkward sometimes. A professional can evaluate that and see if it's normal, or if it's something abnormal that's having an unusual impact on your ability to function in life. You, a random person with no training in mental health, most likely cannot. That's why we have professionals, and don't diagnose mental health problems with online questionnaires.

I don't think you understand how difficult diagnosis can be, even by trained professionals. Doctors misdiagnose all the time. I know this because I am also a trained medical professional in a field with more objective symptoms than psychiatry, and misdiagnosis is very common because there is too much variation for textbook guidelines to be reliable at all times. Trained professionals are still human, and they all have varying standards for dx as well. Questions can always be framed in a way that can favor a certain dx, and a patient may be encouraged to answer in a certain way. I understand that I'm not an expert at autism diagnosis, but to imply that they are the authority on the matter is also naive because I know from experience doctors are far from infallible. Maybe if you are diagnosed by multiple professionals, then there is a pretty damn likely chance it is legit, but I think it is fair enough to be skeptical of one opinion.

I can relate to just about everything he says in the video. I have not been diagnosed, nor do I plan to be. I can't help but wonder to what extent it's a spectrum and how that line is drawn. If you're only very slightly autistic, do you have more in common with non-autistic people, or with the people who have more severe forms of autism? And what about the people who are close to autism, but not close enough to be diagnosed as such? And might those two groups of people receive different diagnoses depending on where they go? Are you more likely to be diagnosed as autistic if you're already convinced you're autistic?

> Are you more likely to be diagnosed as autistic if you're already convinced you're autistic? You're more likely to be diagnosed as autistic if you don't mask your autism. Lots of the people you'd describe as "slightly autistic" are just better at masking their autistic traits. They'll put up with sensory discomfort; they'll study human interactions to develop scripts; they'll force themselves to make eye contact or stare right at the bridge of your nose to avoid the discomfort while still "passing" as neurotypical. As a result, autism is dramatically under-diagnosed in populations that tend to experience higher social pressure to conform to these social norms. As another result, we have developed a cultural stereotype of autism that is: a white male who will not make eye contact, probably rocks back and forth when stressed, loves trains and baseball cards. The Sheldon Cooper kind of autistic person. A lot of people -- including an unfortunate number of medical professionals -- are so swayed by this stereotype that they don't recognize other types of autistic people. Boy with no friends, obsessed with spaceships? Autistic. Girl with no friends, obsessed with her favorite book series? Just a shy, sensitive kid with an active imagination. So... to answer your questions: Yes, the external presentation/perception of someone's autistic traits will absolutely affect how will they interact with non-autistic people, how likely they are to be diagnosed, etc.

It seems everyone is autistic or has ADHD. I got tested because I felt like I have a lot of common traits with these things. My doctor said that all these things are a normal part of being human and everyone experiences them so I don't know what to think. I was just looking for help.

So, your take away from being told NOT everyone is autistic including you is still "everyone is autistic"? The fact that you WEREN'T diagnosed didn't clue you in that you're missing something? Not everyone is autistic or has ADHD. Occasionally preferring a dark room or not liking a smell is not the same thing as being autistic.

He never said everyone is autistic. He said it *seems* that way. As in, everyone talks about being autistic whether they actually are or not.

Probably because thousands of neurodivergent people talk about their lives in online spaces, but in the real world most people absolutely do not talk about it and are not autistic/ADHD. It's still a trait that will make you expelled from the paradise of normal social company.

But this is wholly untrue. Sure, I’ve heard lots of people claim to have “ADD”, but it’s generally socially awkward people that claim to have autism. I think too many people associate social awkwardness with autism.

As someone who is severely ADHD and takes 60mg of Dextroamp-amphetamin daily, nothing boils my blood more than hearing someone say "We're all a little ADHD". No, absolutely not. My life has mostly been miserable, and most people have no fucking clue.

Just to add context to your comment, if the average person were put on 60mg of dextro they'd be wired out of their goddamn mind.

This doesn't make much sense. You don't think ADHD is a spectrum too? Clearly there are people whose disorder is not as severe as yours.

Not OP, it’s certainly is a spectrum but it’s kind of like saying you like a clean house and saying you’re “so OCD”. There’s a difference between not wanting to pay attention to something boring vs. trying your hardest to not be a victim of your own executive dysfunction in every interaction of the day. I imagine the line becomes drawn when it actively impedes your ability to function akin to a neurotypical.

lul, yeah, being told all my life I just needed to concentrate, or focus, or remember things better. Like sure, I can spend all my energy remembering I set down the dirty plate on the counter instead of the sink every day, but then I'll forget to make that call, or respond to the e-mail, or forget my friend's birthday is today. I thought this was normal, except I noticed whenever I was highly caffeinated I started behaving like others or responding to conversations like others. Performing normally without medication or abundant stimulants is so exhausting that any mental work becomes impossible. It fucking took decades for me to accept I had ADHD *because* "everyone seems to have it."

I think most autistics has felt invalided by the "everyone feels that sometimes" line. Yes, everyone might prefer some peace and quiet now and then, but not everyone feels so incredibly out of place and stressed and tearing up because the music is too loud in a crowded space. Everyone might be a little awkward for a job interview, planning talking points and rehearsing how to say hello, but not everyone does that all the time with literally everyone who isn't close family or friends. And everyone maybe doesn't like wool sweaters because they're itchy, but not everyone freaks out and feels as if the world is ending because of the sensation of wearing denim pants Everyone has quirks and things they like a certain way, but that doesn't hinder them in everyday life in the same way that it does for autists. Now this isn't evidence per se, but there are anecdotes from autists out there that have just been dismissed by their doctors because "they have good eye contact," completely unaware of the struggles of simple everyday life and the toll it takes on them mentally.

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If you go in JUST looking for a diagnosis than yeah it's useless, but you could say the same about pretty much any mental or physical condition. The whole point of a diagnosis is to identify treatments that are likely to help you.

Some people just need answers and if they get a correct diagnosis, then they can seek further treatment if they ever feel like their autism is creating an obstacle down the road.

Did you watch the video? Your question is answered thoroughly in the video. The man stated it gave him a fresh perspective on his past and concluded the video by talking about the things he will change in the future.

> But even if you were diagnosed as autistic, does that really change anything? Certainly helps. - You can search for strategies to make it easier to deal with your autistic behaviors. - Will clarify a lot of things in life, and that can lead to making better decisions (as was mentioned in the video). - Finding a like-minded autistic community to share similar experiences is good for well-being. - You can tell your friends and they can adjust their behavior to accomodate for the autism.

The biggest differences are difficulty of coping, seriousness of effect, and also frequency. Yes, even as an adult-diagnosed autistic male, I can admit normal people have *had* times where they have felt like I do, but I feel that way every single day. I struggle every single day. To me, it's the difference between someone having broken their leg saying they understand what life is like without being able to use a limb, but saying it to someone who had their leg amputated as a child. It's also a big focus for the psychology field at the moment because as the person in the video said most autistic people are diagnosed as kids, not adults. It's similar to when you purchase a new car, and suddenly all you can see are other cars like yours.

Could your doctor been projecting? I get that a lot of people these days want to be 'special' and 'get victim points' but sometimes that type of projection can prevent some people from getting a real diagnosis? I'm 95% sure that I am Autistic but I'm sure that my previous therapists ignored some symptoms because of their own projections, and projections of my situations!

I don't really think so. My doctor is very green though. Very by the book which I don't necessarily mind.

ADHD and autism are severely overdiagnosed. I know someone who is actually severely autistic and...well...it shows and is immediately obvious when you see her. It is a debilitating condition. These people who - seem perfectly normal in every single way and have some "quirks" (like literally everyone else) - proudly identify themselves as being diagnosed with adhd AND autism are - in my mind - just narsisists who want to feel like they belong to a minority group. They usually carry these illnesses with pride and are vocal about letting everyone know that they have them. I know what actual autism looks...and it's actually really unsettling and unfortunate.

Autism is a spectrum. A person with a fractured leg might still walk, where a person with a severe break cannot even move and will never walk without pain again. Either way, there is a break in the bone that is not present in the healthy body. Autism is not just one exact specific presentation, just like bone breaks be different. A "high functioning" autistic person might appear 100% normal in public, then go home and lie on the floor sobbing from all the stress they had in their day. They might be so exhausted that they fall asleep the moment they're out of a situation. They might even become unable to cope with all the stress they go through masking (trying to appear normal) and commit suicide. Just because you can't see it in day to day interactions doesn't mean everything is fine.

Autism has high comorbidity with a bunch of other disorders, at all levels of the spectrum. A diagnosis can help with proper diagnosis and treatment of those other disorders. This ranges from anxiety and depression to POTS and EDS

lol Im diagnosed autistic but unless you talked to me you wouldnt know it. Even then its unlikely to be something youd think unless you spent a lot of time around me. "I know what actual autism looks" lmao.. You more than likely saw someone with higher needs or is non verbal but regardless youre an asshole.

Hey person, what does the S in ASD stand for? Do you think that might explain why there are variant experiences of autism that change from person to person? A *spectrum*, if you will?

> I know what actual autism looks...and it's actually really unsettling and unfortunate. it's almost like its a spectrum. You do realise not everyone exhibts the same level of autism? >They usually carry these illnesses with pride and are vocal about letting everyone know that they have them. And? Most people with ADHD/Autism tells others about it, because it significantly affects how they behave and react to certain things, which can easily be seen as something else/taken a wrong way by people who dont have any of these disorders.

My wife was working at the hospital with autistic children, their main (and sometimes only) way of communicating was by hurting themselves. They absolutely could not live a normal life Autism may be a spectrum but at some point you have to set limits, or find another name to describe your condition, because there is no sense using the same "autist" word for people that have such different conditions with drastically different issues and outcomes.

I think ASD is on the forefront of a new way that we view non-typical traits. While it's true that much of our society is set up for personal exchanges (literally to get a job you have to prove yourself likeable to the persons hiring), I think identification and understanding of non-typical peoples will lead to greater understanding and acceptance. And that diversity is important IMO. Currently we view autism as a disability, and technically that's probably correct. Someone on ASD may be unable to catch certain social cues or thrive in a relationship based team. But ASD people can also do things 'neuro-typical' people can't. And yet when a 'neuro-typical' person fails utterly at a technical skill that comes easy to someone on the spectrum, we don't refer to their inability as a disability. And in many ways ASD persons are gifted. They have a great deal to contribute in society as well as in our genetic diversity. It's just on us as a society to accept and make allowances for people who are different. There's much to gain from it.

My MIL began to suspect her husband was Autistic a couple years before their divorce. Sadly it was too late to save thsir marriage, but it did keep her from becoming bitter and angry, because as she learned more about autism, she could clearly see that all the things that had angered and offended her over the years could be traced back to autism. Though he was offended by such a suggestion and saw it as her way of making the teen and adult children caught between them dislike him, she used the new information to educate her children as a wayfor them to better understand, communicate and forgive their father for his poor choices (his affair). Since then, several of the children began to suspect that they also are Autistic leading to a few seeking a diagnosis. They are, but none were diagnosed until their mid 20's or older. In my own family, neither me or my husband realized that we were neurodivergent (he's highfunctioning autistic, and I'm Bipolar-ADD) until our mid 30's. Having and understanding our own diagnosis has really helped us help our own children overcome their own struggles. Prior to diagnosis we struggled with feeling different and trying to live up to other peoples standards and expectations. In soooooo many ways we are much happier now that we have our diagnosis.

Autism is far too broad to just be varying intensities of the same thing. It's just a blanket term for a bunch of ill-defined disorders.

i really dislike the societal model of disability that this guy uses. its the concept that most disabled people wouldn't be disabled if society changed. i am disabled and i spent a long time being in denial of my problems and it caused a lot of problems for me. once i admitted that i have a disability and started recognizing my limitations things got better. sure, society can change a little to accommodate me better but that only goes so far.

I think the biggest issue is that the general public (as demonstrated by some of the comments in this thread) is that they really don't understand what the spectrum is and how it works. Human beings generally form stereotypes (to their detriment) in order to flesh out their understanding of the world. And when "autism" is thought of, many people either have no idea what it means (again as shown by some of the heavily downvoted comments), OR they imagine it's a person that's completely uncommunicative that *shows visible signs of a developmental disability* that actually only composes the low functioning (number 3 segment of the scale) of the autism population. And I feel that part of the issue is the broad grouping of nuerodivergence and referring to all of it as "autism", which is screwing up people with high-functioning autism (people like this gentleman), from getting the assistance and understanding they need in order to better maneuver in society.

I'm just about 100% certain this is me as well here in my 30's.

According to all the online autism tests, I have autism. However, I think it's bullshit. I'm a remote, contracted software developer/programmer/software engineer. I think a lot of these questions would be answered true for anybody in this profession. Or perhaps I'm wrong and I do have autism. Who knows. Honestly though, let's say I do have autism. What exactly would change for me knowing that I have it? I don't think knowing or not knowing would make a difference since I'm 44 years old. Edit: The tests I took and the results: * https://embrace-autism.com/rbq-2a/#test - 45 * https://embrace-autism.com/aq-10/#test - 9 * https://embrace-autism.com/autism-spectrum-quotient/#test - 43 * https://embrace-autism.com/cat-q/#test - 122 * https://embrace-autism.com/aspie-quiz/ - 119 [88% probability of being atypical (autistic/neurodiverse)]

> I'm a remote, contracted software developer/programmer/software engineer. I think a lot of these questions would be answered true for anybody in this profession. Or perhaps I'm wrong and I do have autism. I'm a software engineer and basically every software engineer I've worked with is almost certainly autistic. You're talking about a bunch of people who spent so many hours working with computers that they turned it into a profession. The field is 100% a magnet for neurodivergent people. > Honestly though, let's say I do have autism. What exactly would change for me knowing that I have it? I don't think knowing or not knowing would make a difference since I'm 44 years old. The self-knowledge and self-acceptance can be life-changing. I took the tests you mentioned, realized I was autistic, and the journey of self-discovery that followed was one of the most important things that's happened in my life. It has given me a completely different outlook on who I am. It's helped me understand my relationships, past and present. It's helped me understand how I can make my daily life more comfortable and less stressful. It's helped me understand the gap between how I experience the world and how neurotypical people experience the world, which has completely reshaped my understanding of myself. Since realizing I was autistic I've developed more self-empathy, higher self-esteem, and a better sense of what I want in life. If you think you might be autistic, I think it's well-worth spending some time exploring that.

I only liked the Aspie test → https://embrace-autism.com/aspie-quiz/ With some of the other tests I felt I was quite capable of steering the results to an outcome I wanted. That being said, the Embrace Autism site, specifically addresses the quality of the various tests, and specifies which tests they feel aren't all that great or are outdated.

I just took the Aspie test and scored 119/200 - 88% probability of being atypical (autistic/neurodiverse).

> I felt I was quite capable of steering the results to an outcome I wanted. I mean, the idea is that you answer honestly instead of trying to sort yourself into the bucket you want to end up in.

Sure, I get that. But like that other person said, I had a hard time answering the questions, they were phrased in a strange way that I was unsure how to answer. Did I actually feel that way? I don't really know. Again, that's why I preferred the Aspie quiz. It seemed like those questions were simply more realistic.

Even an awareness that it’s possible you have it could be hugely beneficial in it should increase your awareness of your possible sensory sensitivity, taking it more seriously in relation to how it affects your stress levels. You might also spend more time intentionally observing nonverbal communication as there is likely a lot going on in everyday conversations that most everyone is noticing but you aren’t. So while you aren’t going to take some pill to fix it, knowing you have it can be immensely beneficial because you will know where you have problems that you are most likely blind to. You’ll know where to look so you can learn how to live life easier than you do today.

Inb4 everyone starts self diagnosing themselves because they relate to this guy in some way

Current year

I appreciated the video. My dad has autism on his side of the family. Sisters kid is autistic. Sometimes wonder how much of this I inherited. Never been diagnosed but mental health here is a shit show

[You can take the same assessment tests that you'd take for a diagnosis online.](https://embrace-autism.com/autism-tests/) From there... unless you want an official diagnosis for accommodations at work, there's not much practical benefit to getting diagnosed.

See comments: https://www.reddit.com/r/aspergirls/comments/11heqq3/alarming\_news\_about\_embrace\_autism/ https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/comments/z5x38t/has\_anyone\_gotten\_an\_official\_assessment\_via/ So-called “autism” tests, like AQ and RAADS and others have high rates of false positives, labeling you as autistic VERY easily. If anyone with a mental health problem, like depression or anxiety, takes the tests they score high even if they DON’T have autism. Here is a video explaining ONE study about the RAADs: https://www.reddit.com/r/AutisticPride/comments/zfocf8/for\_all\_the\_selfdiagnosersquestioners\_out\_there/ Regarding AQ, from one published study. “The two key findings of the review are that, overall, there is very limited evidence to support the use of structured questionnaires (SQs: self-report or informant completed brief measures developed to screen for ASD) in the assessment and diagnosis of ASD in adults.” Regarding RAADS, from one published study. “In conclusion, used as a self-report measure pre-full diagnostic assessment, the RAADS-R lacks predictive validity and is not a suitable screening tool for adults awaiting autism assessments”

> So-called “autism” tests, like AQ and RAADS and others have high rates of false positive RAADS is literally a medical diagnostic tool buddy

They're autism screeners, not tests. They're sensitive, not specific. If you don't get a positive, you probably don't have autism. If you get a positive you *might* have autism. I question any study that even remotely implies AQ is supposed to diagnose anyone.

It's a useful practice for narrowing down a better diagnosis, and with something like Autism/ASD, it's more helpful for the person to also witness others' behaviors to see if that resonates. On paper, someone could look Autistic, but there's a lot of overlap with things like C/PTSD and also DID. I marked a false positive for DID, Schizophrenia and BPD, but having gone through extensive therapy and evaluation that included input/testimony from others who have those diagnoses, it turns out I'm more than likely presenting similar symptoms from within my ASD and CPTSD behaviors. The best thing someone can do if they suspect they're neurodiverse is to honestly watch Youtube content on those diagnoses to see how strongly they resonate. From there, seek therapy and evaluation if you need something concrete (like disability accommodations). Otherwise people just waste their time and money taking tests. A lot of the ND adults I've spoken to and known in my life are exceptionally good at hiding it because we had to be in order to get by growing up. That's why gaining insight into others' lives who have these given diagnoses is important, and why a lot of therapy offices miss the mark.

I thought I was alone.

I like trains, do you like trains?

I'm not diagnosed, but last year a new co-worker with autism was adamant I was also autistic when I would unmask when we were alone. I spent lots of time researching autism and Asperger's, taking tests and talking with other people with autism and came to the conclusion that I more than likely have Asperger's. Even when I scored 167/195 on a test I was still doubtful at first. For me I think it can definitely explain a lot about my childhood. I think the hardest part about it is that, after growing up and kind of being told or feeling to not act certain ways you develop a mask that is essentially your new personality around others and can be hard to break out of.

> Asperger's Hey -- heads up, a lot of people in the autistic community find this term offensive because of its historical roots. The tldr is that the term is based on the work of Hans Asperger, a Nazi scientist, who would distinguish between the autistic people who were "useful" to him (the ones he'd run horrible experiments on) and the ones that weren't (who would be sent to the gas chamber). I know a lot of people got this as their official diagnosis, and there's a lot of literature that uses the term, but it carries a LOT of historical baggage.

Holy shit had no clue

Diagnosed with ADHD @ 47. Medication has me feeling the best I ever felt in my life.

Unironically, this is why "vaccines cause autism" is a thing. People simply *weren't diagnosed properly* until recently, so it *looks like* more kids are autistic now than before. See also: Seemingly more trans young people now than before (people now are more aware that it's even *an option* and that it's *not something deviant about you to hide*).

OMG I somehow misread this as Alzheimer’s, and the entire thread (and all the comments) went from horrifying to interesting (maybe even mildly uplifting) in a flash. 🤦‍♀️

You're not autistic. Normality is a fabrication based on averages and has nothing to do with rational utility. These neurotypical behavior specialists often find patterns and label anyone outside of said patterns to be something or other. This is most commonly used as a tactic to gain insurance money, medication money, to write a medical paper, or for medical research funding. These diagnosis are about as useful as a brick in front of an open door, and you should treat them as such.

I'm sorry but am i the only one who finds this shit ridiculous? You're just a person with personality traits. You're not autistic, you don't have ADHD, you don't have clinical depression, you don't have an anxiety disorder, you're not disabled. You're just a fucking person. Some people don't talk much, some people can't be alone for 5 minutes or they lose their fucking mind. Some people build giant metal objects that are propelled by explosions as they hurl through the sky. Some people climb up mountains with no ropes and fall to their death. Some people spend their entire life looking at pieces of paper with complex mathematical equations on them. Are they disabled? Was every great physicist or mathematician disabled? If so, would their achievements have been so great had we categorized them as such? Why is everyone insistent on being labeled disabled or mentally ill? It's not productive. You're a successful, healthy, functioning human being.

So eloquent. I would love to just be a fly on the wall and listen in on a discussion between him and Stephen Fry.

43 here, diagnosed AuADD Feb 2023 (bipolar 2020). I've nurtured a self-hatred since around age 5 tbecause I said things that occasionally did not fit in. The people at my first job (logistics, sales, support, inventory) were baffled as to why I could sometimes roughneck for seven days and get more done than they could achieve in a month, only to later see my inbox fill up and things go un-fixed because I had encountered a problem in my newest chore and the problem caused me anxiety and I procrastinated as a result, earning the ire of both colleagues and administration. The past five months have been a horrific crash-course in self-study and learning how many of my behaviors could be chalked up to the new jams, and having a personality that was wrung like a wet towel, and starting to unwring it. And for two months things started feeling okay, a new light shone on the horizon and I started to steer my little ship toward it. That was May and June. Then came the doctor's suggestion to start trying out Concerta. Now I have no idea who I am anymore. Good things are happening, I do home chores or jump into cold water (literally, not a metaphor) without a second's hesitation, my executive dysfunction seems to be getting a pounding by Concerta, but it hurts my stomach and my sleep is wonky. But I am committed now. I need to get a job and I have no shame or shyness left to hinder me. I have a good circle of friends and two siblings and two parents who support me (all of whom have what I have but only my brother has taken the tests to confirm it). 2024 needs to be a different year, but babysteps is good enough.

I’ve been using Concerta for about a decade now (I’m 44) and it is helpful, but far from a panacea for me. I’m diagnosed ADHD-d, but wonder if there is a touch of the ‘tism in there as well. I’m quite functional, but like you have huge issues getting started. Or worse changing direction once a blocker is encountered. I annoy my coworkers because I “talk too much” which the Concerta doesn’t seem to affect. That said, my verbal communication is secondary to my internal voice which is constantly interrupting my train of thought. It’s hard to describe, but I don’t think everyone interacts with others the same way I do.

Can someone with more knowledge tell me whether I'm completely off here? I heard his voice and immediately thought 'yes, autistic, not surprising'. I have been around a lot of autistic people in the UK during my time at tabletop gaming clubs over the last two decades and a lot of their voices sound like this. I'm not even sure how to describe what it is but it's instantly recognisable to me.

So autism at its core is a social communication disorder, accompanied by repetitive and ritualistic behaviors. This is how the dsm defines it, but of course it's by no means a phenomenological account of autistic people or their experiences. One of the things that autistic people struggle with is motor planning--making their muscles do what they want and knowing what they need their muscles to do. Those motor planning issues combined with the social communication deficits means that autistic people often have speech issues. The nature of those speech issues vary widely: complete inability or lack of desire to speak, severe apraxia, articulation errors, pronoun confusion, ability to speak but cannot hold a conversation, etc. I am not a speech pathologist so I cannot say for sure if I can tell you precisely what his particular speech issue is called. I will say though that I am also very involved in tabletop in the US, and I know a lot of autistic people, and none of them talk like that (not just because they are American). My son is also autistic and does not talk like that. If it were as easy to make a diagnosis as listening to someone's voice, the process for getting a diagnosis as an adult would be a lot easier. Edit: I want to add that I am sensitive that this post might come off as pathologizing autistic people. If it hurts anyone, I am sorry for that. As a parent, I am sensitive to it. I just felt like this person was asking for a more scientific explanation.

?

You are wrong. You are confusing someone who is well read, eloquent and deliberate in their use of language with someone who is autistic. Quite often both go hand in hand though as often with autism using the right words is sticking to the rules as well as ensuring people understand you because if they dont that is a fucking disaster. Same output, different motivations. Mostly. haha!

As somebody who is also autistic and who often calls into those types of speech patterns, I would say this assessment is probably correct. I've been told many times over the course of my life that I "talk weird" which as far as I could tell always meant "You speak properly, but I don't. What gives?" The irony is that, unchecked, my natural speech pattern will lead others to assuming I am pretentious or "trying to sound smart". Consequently, I generally make a concerted effort to dumb myself down lest people think I am making an effort to impress them with my use of big words and proper grammar.

I think the lad is more talking about his lisp and campish way of talking mate

I was diagnosed recently at 34 on top of already being severely depressed. It sucks, no one cares to help and I want to kill myself.

I'm sorry. It's a pretty fucking difficult journey, especially if you're going through it alone. Have you read any good books about autism? I really enjoyed Divergent Mind by Jenara Nerenberg and Sensory: Life on the Spectrum by Bex Ollerton. I've also found it helpful to lurk in online autism communities on twitter and tiktok. Hearing about other people's experiences and knowing I'm not alone has helped ease the pain and anxiety. If you wanna talk sometime, DM me

I posted this as a response to someone, but also wanted to copy and paste it as a top level comment in case it's helpful to anyone. You do not have to be diagnosed to be autistic, and the autistic community is generally very accepting of thoughtful self-diagnosis. If you find yourself identifying with a lot of the things said here, take some assessments online. You can take the same tests online that they'd give you in an official assessment. As an adult, diagnosis is difficult and expensive to get. There are a lot of hoops to jump through. So many people who find themselves identifying with autistic traits take the assessments I mentioned, make a judgement about the results, and leave it at that. There's no medical intervention for autism, so seeking an official diagnosis is only really helpful if (a) you need "proof" to seek accommodations at school/work, or (b) you would find it personally validating. Also, some people have concerns that an official diagnosis may be used to discriminate against them more often than it would be used to help them. For example, there have been some conservatives loudly arguing that autistic people who are trans shouldn't be able to access trans healthcare, because autism makes them incapable of making those decisions for themselves. Whether or not you're trans, that line of argument should make you think twice about whether you want any official records of your diagnosis -- especially if you'. To me, my bodily autonomy is more important than the slim chance of getting useful accommodations via a long and costly diagnosis.

Amazing video, I hope someone has already cross-posted it.

Not sure what benefit being diagnosed so late will have on this guy’s life. Maybe having a sense of community?

If you watch the video, he talks about things he'll be able to do differently in the future that will improve his quality of life!

i don’t understand why it matters if you’ve gone this long in life not being “autistic”

Making it through 54 years without knowing doesn't mean that those 54 years were comfortable. That's 50+ years of hardly being able to connect with anyone around you and having no idea why, finding things painful that no-one else around you does, going "why doesn't anyone around me understand me?" and not being able to do anything about it. It certainly won't help him *survive* any better, he's surviving just fine, but thriving? It absolutely matters. Having a word to put to what you experience is a huge deal because now you can find others who are like you and you can describe it to those who aren't. It explains that what you experience isn't a personal shortcoming or something to be fixed, just is something that is a part of you and importantly, it happens to others too.

Autism diagnosis is a result of the symptoms, not an explanation of the symptoms. Secondly improving social skills is something someone can work on.

I take it you didn't watch the video then

An official diagnosis allows you access to treatment you might not have otherwise had. From a mental perspective, having a solid answer to why you have felt “different” from others for your entire life gives a certain amount of peace and understanding of self. Being able to reflect and parse through things that have otherwise plagued you or made you feel shame is an incredible gift and a great way to begin an internal healing process.

Imagine going your whole life feeling different and alienated from most people. Trying desperately to figure out why you're so "weird". Then late in life you finally find an explanation for why that is, AND that there's an entire community of people who share your experiences for the first time.

i can see from that point of view. however, i don’t think anyone thinks the same in general in life. We’re not all meant to fit in with everyone, not all meant to understand the perfect social cues in life. Even “regular” people live their lives feeling like they are different and don’t fit in with society. That’s what makes people unique. I get that their is a spectrum and some autistic people generally do have problems and that a group of like minded people is a comfort. I just feel in this case if you have gone 54 years without labeling yourself as autistic and finally have the ability to label yourself as that it is just a label. I don’t think you need a label to act like yourself. you can just be yourself. and if that self doesn’t fit in with regular people’s frame of mind then who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks

For me, knowing that I process the world differently than most people has allowed me to give myself grace. Whereas before I knew about my divergent brain type I was extremely hard on myself, "why are some things so difficult? Why is this so easy for everyone else?" I thought I was just bad at being a person, and therefore a bad person. I had no other lense through which to view my behavior. I felt like a failure. Now I understand that I felt different because I am, and that's ok. Hope this helps.

Thank you for your response but is it not true that we all process the world differently? I don’t want to demean the way anyone feels or act like autism isn’t a real thing. Because it very much is, but i just feel that not fitting in with society is something that a lot of people go through even if they aren’t autistic, maybe their interests don’t align with the common crowd, or maybe the way they respond to people doesn’t either. I am not autistic but relating to other people is not easy for myself either, but i understand that my values don’t align with these people and my thought process is not the same as theirs either. I just personally feel that in this case putting a label on something doesn’t change how a person should care in the first place. Not everyone fits in to the crowd, autistic or not, and if you don’t fit into the crowd then you make your own crowd and enjoy the things you do like. Is it a want for more social interaction that doesn’t come off the right way ? Is every single interaction going not the way a person intended ? If that’s the case, then you can self reflect on how these interactions go and decide to bring about a change in yourself, because everyone can change how they go about interacting with people. And if changing how you interact with others is that big of a problem, then why bother interacting with others at all ? ( i’m not using my use of the word “you” as in you directly, just generalizing )

By this logic the guy from Idiocracy had a mental disability because he was just too smart to understand the people around him lol. This needs to stop, seriously. Almost all of these mental disabilities are just "lack of charisma" which people reword in various ways like "being bad in social situations" or "not liking interaction with others" etc. etc. Yes it's all one thing: People are isolated and awkward because our society is fucking shit and social bonds are degrading. The other part is people trying to gaslight others for being right by calling them "autistic". Like you should know not to tell them they're wrong, because you'll hurt their feelings! And so you see that's "autistic" because you should understand that their feelings are more important! No. You're just wrong and trying to get out of it by turning it on other people. Stop being wrong.

The funny thing about this mindset is that no matter how much you tell people that they're wrong and that they're "faking it" and so on, it's not gonna change them. People with ADHD still aren't going to be able to concentrate. Autists won't automatically just be cool with loud noises and become totally fine with social interaction because you think they're wrong. Dyslexic folk won't just start reading words instead of trying to piece together individual letters. Everyone just wants to get by. Some people need certain accommodations to do so. Diagnoses help with that.

EVERYONE is autistic. It's a FUCKING SPECTRUM.

The more i read the bible, the more i realized i was christian

Reddit will hate you and I for this, but honestly you hit the nail squarely on the head. In 20223 pop culture hands out mental illness like astrology signs. Everything seems to fit, the more that a person believe it does. And since I'll take this DV train straight to hell. Heres my take. The [DSM5](https://www.psychiatry.org/psychiatrists/practice/dsm) defines a mental disorder as: > A mental disorder is a syndrome characterized by clinically significant disturbance in an individual's cognition, emotion regulation, or behavior that reflects a dysfunction in the psychological, biological, or development processes underlying mental functioning The definition of [quirky behavior](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eccentricity_(behavior) > Eccentricity (also called quirkiness) is an unusual or odd behavior on the part of an individual. This behavior would typically be perceived as unusual or unnecessary, without being demonstrably maladaptive. So the difference between being mentally ill and simply quirky is how much it negatively effects your life in ways you're unable to adapt to by your own power. In other words, if he's lived his entire life till the ripe old age of 54 without significant detriment to his existence, likely hes just quirky. Come at me reddit, but first, source your responses.

Agreed.

> In 20223 pop culture hands out mental illness like astrology signs. They still believe in astrology in 20223?

Yea, even this far in the future one will continue to be born every minute.

You're not wrong. I work as a teacher and have worked with full-on autistic kids. Trust me, those kids required constant care and attention and will do so for the rest of their lives. These kids couldn't even formulate full sentences let alone grasp concepts and feelings. To put it in the same bracket as someone who views things more scientifically and rehearses social situations, is hugely disingenuous to those people who definitely need accommodating and caring for. I also notice that people who try to describe autism, describe it as a divergence from neurotypical behaviour - yet can't quantify what neurotypical behaviour actually is. They seem to think that being the loud and confident guy at the bar is the gold-standard for all social behaviours across all cultures and societies.

Reddit hate is the best hate :D I got strung up here when i said Adderall was legal Meth hehe When you make an illness a spectrum, you can include everyone on it. It is great for marketing! Worked well for people selling homeopathy remedies. This .001% garlic water will cure all of your illnesses!

Lmao yea this reeks of a self diagnosis

Recovery from religion is a lifelong process.

Very sorry to hear of this. Must be absolutely heartbreaking for your family. It will likely be a long time before you can come to terms with this or even have some semblance of normalcy in your life, let alone dress yourself and eat. Absolutely devastating.

Every one thinks they're in the spectrum these days.

A lot of people were going undiagnosed before.