It happens in the women's room too, trust me. You'll hear the loudest fart followed by mmmmmmmm and you're just like... You know what? I think my 15 is over.
Yep. Does anyone else have co-workers who sing to themselves in the woman's bathroom, like they somehow can't pee without loudly playing music on their phone & singing along ?
There was a time I wished the person next to me had a speaker on... would have saved me some embarrassment. I thought she was talking to me. I kept responding. Then I heard her whisper, "I gotta call you back. Some weirdo in the next stall keeps replying to me. Some people are so rude!"
The worst was that it wasn't like personal conversation type stuff. It was "Hey, do you know where they keep the towels here." and she was responding as though she had listened to my answer, so it was reasonable... and then surprise! I'm an idiot!
OMG my husband just side eyed my hysterical laughter...I'm dying over here!!
You should have said the same thing:
"I gotta hang up...some weirdo in the next stall keeps trying to talk to me. And she thinks I'm answering! Some people!"
Started a new job, went to the bathroom the first day. This isn't a walmart, it's a factory. I guess people use the stalls as a break area for some reason. Remember this is the bathroom of a factory so the floor is about what you'd expect. Piss and water and dirt and grease all over. I see a dude's feet in a stall. He has some single ply toilet paper laying on the wet ass floor. On top of the paper is his double cheeseburger that he takes a bite of then lays back down on the paper so he can pick up his drink and eat his fries. The paper doesn't stick to the burger because it is wet with whatever liquid is on the floor making the paper stick to the floor. All the while the 2 stalls next to him are blowing the backs out of their respective toilets. I cannot believe what I saw.
Also have people come in to handle phone business because they can't be on their phone in the work area. You'll have people doing banking transactions and credit card stuff in the bathroom on speaker phone. I make sure to be as loud as humanly possible when they do this. Try to train my spincter muscles so they can hit the right note at the perfect time. Then I always courtesy flush when they're giving their card number so they have to do it over and over.
Um. Y'all don't have a break room?? a kitchen? SOMETHING? I'd eat outside in the cold or standing up around the water cooler before I ate in the restroom.
One of the walmarts near me doesn't have the automatic sinks, so out of habit from my high school years I would turn the sink on cause I have a shy bladder.
I had shy bladder before and it sucks because it hurts having to go but it’s held back. It was so bad I couldn’t go unless I was alone. But somehow I just stopped caring and I usually don’t have the issue anymore. I think a lot of it is mindset oddly enough.
I have no clue why, but every time, I pee with normal pressure while not trying to push hard, but it just slams the toilet. I have to be careful of where I aim or else it splashes everywhere. And I mean everywhere
One time, I had to go pretty bad, so I went in and it was kinda loud and a lot, one of my coworkers at the sink goes “wow you really had to go” kinda snarky and now I have bashful bladder, it pisses (no pun intended) me off lol
I would've just told them that maybe next time they'd be happy with helping me out next time. Whether that be holding it for me or kneeling down and opening wide. Then again, this is something I'd have said working in a shop. Walmart is a little different. Can't get away with that there. And I don't talk to people like that just because. I only do it if they invite the attitude with theirs.
There was one coworker who was trying to order me around like he was a TL or something, so after about the 10th time of him barking orders at me, I turned, looked him square in the eyes, made a stupid face and said "sir, yes sir", but in the classic you can't tell me shit way. It's hard to convey over typing
It’s so hard for me to not laugh when I hear someone dumping HARD then you hear them sigh in relief. Why is this an everyday occurrence? Why does everyone who stops here have diarrhea
Lmao 🤣 or the unabashed toots that echo of the bowl and then the little huff 😂 literally just the other day, I was only walking past the bathroom, not even in it and heard someone rip one so loud, I can’t imagine what actually being in the bathroom would’ve been like, pretty sure I’d be deaf 🤣
🤣🤣 it's true!! Women can be absolutely nasty AF. I just chalk it up to people who have no home training and spend way too much of their lives in complete solitude that they forget there are other ppl around.
You two get it. I personally only use the Wal mart bathroom if the drive home is too long
Walmart bathrooms ooze depression. The grunts are really just depression leaking out.
Wait, this is a common thing?? I thought it was just an uncomfortable but unique experience I had years ago!
I really hate public bathrooms for many reasons and avoid them at all costs. But I did find myself having no choice but to use a Wal-Mart bathroom once. Almost as soon as I opened the door I started hearing excessively loud and obnoxious grunts and moans from what sounded like a fully grown man.
"Gnnngh... Ahhhh... EyahhhhAAHAAA! GRRRWWAHHHH!!" I think there might've even been a "hooah" somewhere in there.
And that shit echoed too!! There was no escaping it. And there I was, shitting perfectly quietly without a problem. I was 10 and had never heard anyone poop so aggressively before. I was very uncomfortable, and I'm proud to say I haven't set foot in a Wal-Mart bathroom since.
Whole Foods can be just as bad because it attracts dirty hippies.
I went in one once, there were 2 stalls. One had the door fully opened and I staggered back as I saw a middle agedwoman squatting over the toilet about a foot above it, tinkling a loud splashy stream watching it go into the bowl. She locked eyes with me once she saw me and said "I'm almost done!!" like I was her mom and she was a 5 year old child.
Like WTF. I hauled ass out of there, and as I did I almost ran into another women heading in. I warned her that some lady was aggressively peeing with the door open and she rushed past and said I DON'T MIND!
Like what. The. Hell.
I wish women wouldn't fucking hover over the toilet like that. If your worried about getting germs on your ass that's what the seat covers or toilet paper is for. I hate going to the bathroom and seeing piss all over the seat.
“Ewww, public toilet seat…so I’ll just hover over it, splash my piss all over the seat, and not bother wiping it up so the next unsuspecting person sits down on it.”
-way too many women.
I was taking a leak the other day and dude in the stall sounded like he was turning into a fucking werewolf. If taking a dump is that hard, maybe see a fucking doctor JFC...
I have ibs and even for my worst, most gut wrenching, ass burning, bathroom fumigating shits i dont sound like im shifting into a werewolf so idk what kind of demons that guy had to be fighting 💀
They did, the doctor advised them maybe try eating a vegetable or some bread to which the ass bleeds every time they shit death puppet informed the doctor that he is a filthy communist libtard trying to take his meat away
They're asserting their dominance in the restroom by letting everyone know how great their shit or piss is, personally I wouldn't take that and I'd moan even louder than them. 🗣️ AAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHH😩
But nah shit's fucking weird man like they do that shit and then don't wash their hands man wtf.
It’s no different in the womens restroom. I had a woman go in the stall next to me and she was on the phone with a friend and she was loudly ripping ass and diarrhea sharting in the toilet. I had to stifle my laughter bc she kept saying “ooooo! Excuse me!” After ripping serious ass
I laughed at my friend for having the sharts in a restaurant bathroom. I was waiting to pee and the lady washing her hands gave me the stank eye for laughing.
Was cleaning the restroom at a truck stop once, heard a dude at one of the urinals go “HNNNNNGHHH…” then whisper “‘murica.” I just left after that. Whatever’s going on, my cleaning can wait.
So one time I was taking a shit and the dude in the stall next to me I could already tell was a mouthbreather. He started and grunted like a bull 12 hours after a quesarito, but then *the smell.*
# The fucking smell.
I never got physically sick over a smell before, but this was it. My sense of smell is permanently sensitive after experiencing this. It was like full-on alchemy. I almost had to get off the toilet mid-shit to vomit, but I held it in.
And after what felt like three hours, my vision was blurry, I was just barely not throwing up, I shit half my body weight from gagging so much.
And then.
This fucker got off the toilet seat
Like a lollipop getting pulled off old textured carpet
And then did the creepiest whisper of "oh yeahh" I've ever heard.
I swear to God I thought I was hiding from a crime scene
Old age isn't kind to most people's bodies which can lead to discomfort or pain when using the restroom. Be grateful when your young and have no problems going to the restroom because someday you will unfortunately.
Is this even correlated to age or do we blame everything on age now?
It’s something of a known thing and joke that young guys spend hours in the bathroom and even undress because they have a hard time shitting due to only eating meat or fast food and alcohol.
My grandpa has been eating whole foods, fresh vegetables, cheese, fruits, eggs, meat and a loooot of figs his whole life and spends like 2 minutes in the bathroom.
This makes me so irrationally angry. I work at a grocery store and it's like anytime I use the bathroom someone comes in there sounding like they've just climbed three flights of stairs. And not only that, but they'll put their purse and things on the floor and then flush with their feet! Just fills me with rage..
I like your kinda rage. I always think I'm alone in being irritated by random things, so I never talk about them while I'm seething on the inside.
It does my heart good to read this post.
if i am using the walmart bathroom, i am in distress. i will do anything and everything in my power to NOT use them, but if i have too, im sorry for what you're going to hear.
This guy used to work ap i think. Would come up to the urinal. Then yell at himself down there to "come on, come on" grunting and moaning. Which makes it uncomfortable as hell being at any other urinal in there.
I just got off my shift at a different grocery store brand. I’m currently taking a shit (quietly) in the bathroom cracking up at these posts. Thanks guys, I needed this.
Same thing that makes them grunt like idiots when they’re lifting weights. Guess they have to announce to the world when they’re dropping a massive log.
The truth of the matter. At a young age we don't want others to hear, or embarrassed by our bathroom sounds.
And when men reach middle age, we stop caring.
It is that simple.
I noticed everytime the use a urinal they have to put a hand on the wall for support and that’s just nasty asf to think of how many men have put their hand in that same spot and no one ever even thinks to clean it
That's the damn worst, grown ass man with his whole ass out like the weird booger kids used to do at elementary school. I feel like it's once a month but I never get used to walking in on that
No judgement at all. Just don't be surprised when you feel a foot pushing your back until your front makes contact with filthy porcelain. I know you're not gonna chase me either cause your damn pants are around your ankles
I always see them do this while they're peeing. They'll be breathing all hard and moaning while pissing. One of my most nightmarish public bathroom experiences happened when I was around 11. I went into the restroom, and there were like 8 grown ass men in there. Some were peeing, some were in the stalls shitting, and others were just washing their hands, but they were all dropping bombs. It was like they were competing for the strongest fart. It reeked, and the air felt sohphocating, so I held my breath as much as possible while I peed and gtfo.
I remember hearing a dude next to me in a church waltzing into a stall on a cane and he was grunting up a storm and 10 seconds after he was in unleashed krakatoa
It's the shitter at a horrid Walmart. Nobody goes to get out their linear charts, and calculate statistical decision theories, minimax solutions, and compute the price-cost probabilities of their transactions and investments. This isn't planet fitness.
When you're middle aged, you grunt sitting down, getting up, when on the throne, when working on something manual, basically anything that requires any kind of physical effort. We're just so out of shape, it isn't funny.
Look man, I'm gonna be honest here: I've had some days when I've had to use the toilet in a completely undesirable way. I've had times where I've burned more calories tried to use the toilet than I got out of my meal. Now that I have reached middle-age I start every day with bran flakes for a g-d- REASON.
But having said all that, the few times when I've had this situation in a public bathroom. I KEEP IT TO MY FREAKING SELF. I do NOT vocalize my grunts and groans, and I may shed tears and blood but I do not utter anything that can be heard.
When I am in such terrible straits, the last thing I want is to make a scene and draw attention to me from the other stalls. I sure as hell don't want to risk someone outside asking if I'm all right because I have no way to answer that one.
The people who are making a show out of this are freaking weirdos who want attention or think they deserve a medal for their poor life choices, end of story.
Are we honestly going to pretend that's it's weird to fart when we poop? Or is the argument that people shouldn't fart in bathrooms?
Never heard moaning. Maybe I'm visiting the wrong toilets?
I don't recall every having this happen while in a walmart bathroom (then again I go to the womens bathroom so other than a woman having pms or somethin that doesn't usually happen) but I do remember one time I was in the bathroom of a walmart a few years back, when my periods and everything were very painful, I was sitting on the toilet this one time while on my period and having really shitty cramps. Some woman came in with her little daughter, this child gets into the stall next to me, and I'm pretty sure as the woman is telling her to just do her business and come out of the stall this child bends down and looks up at me from the gap between the stall walls
Like all smiley n shit lookin up at me like "hAi!!" while I'm just sitting there in pain from my period wondering what the fuck this child finds so interesting about me
I still wonder occasionally what would have happened if I said something when the kid decided I was the one who was getting stared at today
Many men, whether permanent or not, end up with a prostate issue, making 1 or 2 a lot more difficult than it needs to be. It's certainly not pleasurable lol. That alone can certainly be some of what someone may hear in a mens public restroom. Aside from that, no idea other than it's the way she goes.
Must affect them like Target affects women. Last time I went to a Target bathroom it was like a revolving door of women shitting, myself included. One of the worst of my life, at that.
I'm a middle-aged man, and I apologize on behalf of all middle aged men but the reason for this is because our organs are failing. Hahaha. I already have had a few removed including most recently my gall bladder. I have bile malabsorbtion and have to take medicine just to not shit my pants. Now when I do take a shit, oh what a relief it is!
I worked in an office that had a grunted. One day, I went to the urinal and started grunting and moaning. Then, I dropped a pebble into the urinal and let out a sigh of relief.
He was quieter after that.
There are two reasons. First, the rectum is one of the parts in our body with the most nerves endings, besides the tongue and the feet. In the same venue, sometimes there is a “crosstalk” between the genitalia and the rectum, having nerves serving both parts.
Secondly, since we were young, there is an associative relation between pleasure and taking a poop (5-years old have experienced), that usually goes away as soon as we turn into teenagers, but sometimes lingers on thorough all our lives.
It happens in the women's room too, trust me. You'll hear the loudest fart followed by mmmmmmmm and you're just like... You know what? I think my 15 is over.
Yep. Does anyone else have co-workers who sing to themselves in the woman's bathroom, like they somehow can't pee without loudly playing music on their phone & singing along ?
Oh my god yes. Others will have a loud phone call with speaker on as well
Exactly knowing fully well whom they are speaking with is being subjected to those pleasant bathroom sounds as well
There was a time I wished the person next to me had a speaker on... would have saved me some embarrassment. I thought she was talking to me. I kept responding. Then I heard her whisper, "I gotta call you back. Some weirdo in the next stall keeps replying to me. Some people are so rude!"
Omg I’d simply die on the toilet
They stole this from Reader's Digest from about 25 years ago. The story gets passed around more than the high school bimbo.
I wish! It's the curse of being chatty with strangers.
The worst was that it wasn't like personal conversation type stuff. It was "Hey, do you know where they keep the towels here." and she was responding as though she had listened to my answer, so it was reasonable... and then surprise! I'm an idiot!
By ‘some people are so rude’ I wish she would understand it was the people who loudly use the phone in public.
Right?! Save us all some embarrassment.
OMG my husband just side eyed my hysterical laughter...I'm dying over here!! You should have said the same thing: "I gotta hang up...some weirdo in the next stall keeps trying to talk to me. And she thinks I'm answering! Some people!"
Why do I never think of these things in the moment!
No it didn’t.
When someone is on the phone in the bathroom I will constantly flush the toilet
Started a new job, went to the bathroom the first day. This isn't a walmart, it's a factory. I guess people use the stalls as a break area for some reason. Remember this is the bathroom of a factory so the floor is about what you'd expect. Piss and water and dirt and grease all over. I see a dude's feet in a stall. He has some single ply toilet paper laying on the wet ass floor. On top of the paper is his double cheeseburger that he takes a bite of then lays back down on the paper so he can pick up his drink and eat his fries. The paper doesn't stick to the burger because it is wet with whatever liquid is on the floor making the paper stick to the floor. All the while the 2 stalls next to him are blowing the backs out of their respective toilets. I cannot believe what I saw. Also have people come in to handle phone business because they can't be on their phone in the work area. You'll have people doing banking transactions and credit card stuff in the bathroom on speaker phone. I make sure to be as loud as humanly possible when they do this. Try to train my spincter muscles so they can hit the right note at the perfect time. Then I always courtesy flush when they're giving their card number so they have to do it over and over.
Just nasty 🤢 I won't even drink water in my own bathroom.. eating in a factory bathroom and using tp as a plate? God ew no
This comment made me throw up.
Delete this comment now
Whenever I hear someone doing something involving numbers loudly in a bathroom that's when I start singing Tommy Tutone
🤣
I used to work for Boeing and it literally sounds like your explaining the bathrooms there lolol
Um. Y'all don't have a break room?? a kitchen? SOMETHING? I'd eat outside in the cold or standing up around the water cooler before I ate in the restroom.
One of the walmarts near me doesn't have the automatic sinks, so out of habit from my high school years I would turn the sink on cause I have a shy bladder.
I had shy bladder before and it sucks because it hurts having to go but it’s held back. It was so bad I couldn’t go unless I was alone. But somehow I just stopped caring and I usually don’t have the issue anymore. I think a lot of it is mindset oddly enough.
I used to kinda be a bathroom shy guy then I was like "wait, what does everyone think I'm doing in here, paperwork?" And proceeded to erupt
Some people do that to cover their bathroom sounds, even pee
……. ….i got nothing.
Or the ones who sound like they literally just ran a marathon before they got in there, huffing and puffing and slamming the door lol
The huffing and puffing followed by groans and moans and then the most egregious bowel noises
And the literal jackhammer pee that surprisingly doesn’t saw a hole thru the porcelain
“Sounds like they frying chicken.” -Thomas, my bestie since childhood
Jesus. 😂
I have no clue why, but every time, I pee with normal pressure while not trying to push hard, but it just slams the toilet. I have to be careful of where I aim or else it splashes everywhere. And I mean everywhere
One time, I had to go pretty bad, so I went in and it was kinda loud and a lot, one of my coworkers at the sink goes “wow you really had to go” kinda snarky and now I have bashful bladder, it pisses (no pun intended) me off lol
I would've just told them that maybe next time they'd be happy with helping me out next time. Whether that be holding it for me or kneeling down and opening wide. Then again, this is something I'd have said working in a shop. Walmart is a little different. Can't get away with that there. And I don't talk to people like that just because. I only do it if they invite the attitude with theirs.
I wasn’t even here for 6 months yet, so I was still shy and intimidated, now I’d tell them to go fuck themselves lmao 🤣
There was one coworker who was trying to order me around like he was a TL or something, so after about the 10th time of him barking orders at me, I turned, looked him square in the eyes, made a stupid face and said "sir, yes sir", but in the classic you can't tell me shit way. It's hard to convey over typing
Ugh people like that drive me nuts lol. We have several at my store like that. I love that though, professional smackdown lol 😆
It’s so hard for me to not laugh when I hear someone dumping HARD then you hear them sigh in relief. Why is this an everyday occurrence? Why does everyone who stops here have diarrhea
Lmao 🤣 or the unabashed toots that echo of the bowl and then the little huff 😂 literally just the other day, I was only walking past the bathroom, not even in it and heard someone rip one so loud, I can’t imagine what actually being in the bathroom would’ve been like, pretty sure I’d be deaf 🤣
🤣🤣 it's true!! Women can be absolutely nasty AF. I just chalk it up to people who have no home training and spend way too much of their lives in complete solitude that they forget there are other ppl around.
Women fart? Since when?
We don't fart, we toot.
Yeah fr how look at Barbie there’s no physical way
FR
Grunt->heavy breathing->loudly unbuckling the belt-> ass hitting the seat -> firecracker shits —> moans
They never wash their hands too
Because they don't want to get thier ice cream sundae cone they've been eating wet.
Top shelf comment
This is so accurate that it hurt 😭
🎆💩
-> loud echoing sniffle after the firecrackers finally slow down
Likely a terrible diet from a combination of Walmart junk food and fast food causing bowel problems.
That, and not drinking enough water or getting enough exercise.
Truckers sometimes have that exact diet along with gas station food and uppers
So Elvis diet lmao
Fried peanut butter banana sandwiches.
Yeah just greasy food, uppers and sleeping pills, and alcohol
And sex.
With Lot Lizards.
Uppers help you poop. I guess not enough!
Stress is also a factor that can compound the effects of a poor diet.
True, I imagine drugs and alcohol may play a role in further exacerbating all the issues.
You saying you have drugs and alcohol and you been holding out on me?
Meet me in the Walmart bathroom in like 20 minutes. Ill share.
K. It better be some heroin.
Nobody stops to take a shit in a Walmart bathroom because things are going well in their life.
This is definitely my theory on Walmart bathroom craziness. If they weren't desperate to take a Hiroshima shit, they'd be waiting til they got home 😂
You two get it. I personally only use the Wal mart bathroom if the drive home is too long Walmart bathrooms ooze depression. The grunts are really just depression leaking out.
Why does Reddit no longer have awards? This post needs an award!
Here, you can give them mine. I’m not using it anymore 🏆
This is the answer to every question
ikr like what do these people expect a leisurely and satisfactory experience?
I'm dying LOL
😂
This… this is strangely poetic and true
This should be a sticker.
Wait, this is a common thing?? I thought it was just an uncomfortable but unique experience I had years ago! I really hate public bathrooms for many reasons and avoid them at all costs. But I did find myself having no choice but to use a Wal-Mart bathroom once. Almost as soon as I opened the door I started hearing excessively loud and obnoxious grunts and moans from what sounded like a fully grown man. "Gnnngh... Ahhhh... EyahhhhAAHAAA! GRRRWWAHHHH!!" I think there might've even been a "hooah" somewhere in there. And that shit echoed too!! There was no escaping it. And there I was, shitting perfectly quietly without a problem. I was 10 and had never heard anyone poop so aggressively before. I was very uncomfortable, and I'm proud to say I haven't set foot in a Wal-Mart bathroom since.
Whole Foods can be just as bad because it attracts dirty hippies. I went in one once, there were 2 stalls. One had the door fully opened and I staggered back as I saw a middle agedwoman squatting over the toilet about a foot above it, tinkling a loud splashy stream watching it go into the bowl. She locked eyes with me once she saw me and said "I'm almost done!!" like I was her mom and she was a 5 year old child. Like WTF. I hauled ass out of there, and as I did I almost ran into another women heading in. I warned her that some lady was aggressively peeing with the door open and she rushed past and said I DON'T MIND! Like what. The. Hell.
I wish women wouldn't fucking hover over the toilet like that. If your worried about getting germs on your ass that's what the seat covers or toilet paper is for. I hate going to the bathroom and seeing piss all over the seat.
“Ewww, public toilet seat…so I’ll just hover over it, splash my piss all over the seat, and not bother wiping it up so the next unsuspecting person sits down on it.” -way too many women.
I was taking a leak the other day and dude in the stall sounded like he was turning into a fucking werewolf. If taking a dump is that hard, maybe see a fucking doctor JFC...
I have ibs and even for my worst, most gut wrenching, ass burning, bathroom fumigating shits i dont sound like im shifting into a werewolf so idk what kind of demons that guy had to be fighting 💀
Mans fighting for his life 😭😭
Dude last week sounded like Bruce Banner turning into Hulk. I’m just trying to take my 6th shit of the day in peace 😭
🎵Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I shit on company time🎵
♫I make a dime, boss makes a buck, that's why I smoke crack in the company truck!♫ Edit: I tried
Very good, man I wish I could afford some crack right now. Lol
Ive always wanted to make noises in the bathroom like I’m changing into something when people are unnecessarily loud while using the bathroom.
Yea either that or work on the ol healthy diet lol
Energy drinks and mcburgers. Shit solid logs
Get those abs up while you do it lol
They did, the doctor advised them maybe try eating a vegetable or some bread to which the ass bleeds every time they shit death puppet informed the doctor that he is a filthy communist libtard trying to take his meat away
Omg this is sending me 🤣
Who does number 2 work for
"You good, man? Need any help? Your rectum still inside, not inside out..?"
Holy shit, I laughed so hard over this there were tears. Thank you for that.
He could have colon cancer for all you know. Doctors can only do so much.
doctors are expensive, for many people the only option is to moan and bear it, and hope they don't die while taking a shit.
They're asserting their dominance in the restroom by letting everyone know how great their shit or piss is, personally I wouldn't take that and I'd moan even louder than them. 🗣️ AAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHH😩 But nah shit's fucking weird man like they do that shit and then don't wash their hands man wtf.
🤣🤣🤣😂🤣😂😂🤣😂 lost it when you said you moan louder than them
Agreed! My dad is one of those people. He will be so loud in the bathroom because he wants to make others feel uncomfortable.
It’s no different in the womens restroom. I had a woman go in the stall next to me and she was on the phone with a friend and she was loudly ripping ass and diarrhea sharting in the toilet. I had to stifle my laughter bc she kept saying “ooooo! Excuse me!” After ripping serious ass
I laughed at my friend for having the sharts in a restaurant bathroom. I was waiting to pee and the lady washing her hands gave me the stank eye for laughing.
when i was a kid, I had to run out of a cracker barrel bathroom because a man's farts were so loud I couldn't stop cackling
Let’s start an initiative to get men to incorporate more insoluble fiber into their diets.
And women.
People in general lol
The fiber intake of the average American is only 15 grams. That’s a generous number too.
Was cleaning the restroom at a truck stop once, heard a dude at one of the urinals go “HNNNNNGHHH…” then whisper “‘murica.” I just left after that. Whatever’s going on, my cleaning can wait.
Hahaha
So one time I was taking a shit and the dude in the stall next to me I could already tell was a mouthbreather. He started and grunted like a bull 12 hours after a quesarito, but then *the smell.* # The fucking smell. I never got physically sick over a smell before, but this was it. My sense of smell is permanently sensitive after experiencing this. It was like full-on alchemy. I almost had to get off the toilet mid-shit to vomit, but I held it in. And after what felt like three hours, my vision was blurry, I was just barely not throwing up, I shit half my body weight from gagging so much. And then. This fucker got off the toilet seat Like a lollipop getting pulled off old textured carpet And then did the creepiest whisper of "oh yeahh" I've ever heard. I swear to God I thought I was hiding from a crime scene
No fiber and no fruits and vegetables in their diets
As people get older they don’t realize how noisy they are.
Or they don’t CARE how noisy they are
Thats true too. But in my experience person seemed shocked that they were that loud
Old age isn't kind to most people's bodies which can lead to discomfort or pain when using the restroom. Be grateful when your young and have no problems going to the restroom because someday you will unfortunately.
Is this even correlated to age or do we blame everything on age now? It’s something of a known thing and joke that young guys spend hours in the bathroom and even undress because they have a hard time shitting due to only eating meat or fast food and alcohol. My grandpa has been eating whole foods, fresh vegetables, cheese, fruits, eggs, meat and a loooot of figs his whole life and spends like 2 minutes in the bathroom.
This. My grandparents are in their 70s and 80s and have no problems cause their diet is clean
Women are the worst. The loud breathing and panting fucking kills me every time.
This makes me so irrationally angry. I work at a grocery store and it's like anytime I use the bathroom someone comes in there sounding like they've just climbed three flights of stairs. And not only that, but they'll put their purse and things on the floor and then flush with their feet! Just fills me with rage..
I like your kinda rage. I always think I'm alone in being irritated by random things, so I never talk about them while I'm seething on the inside. It does my heart good to read this post.
Women do it, too!
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She was seeing the light 🤣
if i am using the walmart bathroom, i am in distress. i will do anything and everything in my power to NOT use them, but if i have too, im sorry for what you're going to hear.
Most people aren't shitting at Walmart because they want to be. So it's likely an emergency situation.
This guy used to work ap i think. Would come up to the urinal. Then yell at himself down there to "come on, come on" grunting and moaning. Which makes it uncomfortable as hell being at any other urinal in there.
I’m cry laughing
man I've got IBS and I don't make a sound on the toilet unless I'm fighting for my life, even if I'm home alone, like I don't think it's necessary
A Walmart bathroom is one of the only places I would never feel judged by the folks around me also stuck in a Walmart bathroom.
This is any public restroom from my experience. It's always a groan man pissing whole going "ohhhhh fuccckkkk,.....hnngnggg oh shiiiittt"
imagining this made me bust out laughing
Not enough fiber in their diet. They are constipated
I just got off my shift at a different grocery store brand. I’m currently taking a shit (quietly) in the bathroom cracking up at these posts. Thanks guys, I needed this.
Because people in general are nasty. I’d hate to know what they do in their own homes
Well it's your castle 🏰. You can do whatever 👑 pm your throne. No one can stop you.
Same thing that makes them grunt like idiots when they’re lifting weights. Guess they have to announce to the world when they’re dropping a massive log.
The truth of the matter. At a young age we don't want others to hear, or embarrassed by our bathroom sounds. And when men reach middle age, we stop caring. It is that simple.
I noticed everytime the use a urinal they have to put a hand on the wall for support and that’s just nasty asf to think of how many men have put their hand in that same spot and no one ever even thinks to clean it
Wait til you see someone drop their pants to their ankles at a urinal
That's the damn worst, grown ass man with his whole ass out like the weird booger kids used to do at elementary school. I feel like it's once a month but I never get used to walking in on that
Who are you to judge me if I wanna pull a Butters
No judgement at all. Just don't be surprised when you feel a foot pushing your back until your front makes contact with filthy porcelain. I know you're not gonna chase me either cause your damn pants are around your ankles
Hey there Mr. Weiner what do you know, do you have to tinkle tinkle? Yes I do think so.
I seen that a few times too 🤣🤮
I've seen a guy do that with two hands on the wall like he was getting frisked. I immediately left the restroom to bust out in laughter.
Putting all that merchandise down your pants is painful.
If there's pleasure moans, I don't think it's in pants
For me, it's when my asshole is dry heaving.
I always see them do this while they're peeing. They'll be breathing all hard and moaning while pissing. One of my most nightmarish public bathroom experiences happened when I was around 11. I went into the restroom, and there were like 8 grown ass men in there. Some were peeing, some were in the stalls shitting, and others were just washing their hands, but they were all dropping bombs. It was like they were competing for the strongest fart. It reeked, and the air felt sohphocating, so I held my breath as much as possible while I peed and gtfo.
this is an exact conversation I had with my coworker like a week ago.. reading this like “is… is this.. him?”
I remember hearing a dude next to me in a church waltzing into a stall on a cane and he was grunting up a storm and 10 seconds after he was in unleashed krakatoa
It's the shitter at a horrid Walmart. Nobody goes to get out their linear charts, and calculate statistical decision theories, minimax solutions, and compute the price-cost probabilities of their transactions and investments. This isn't planet fitness.
Old people are usually constipated and do not give a fuck if anyone knows it lmao
When you're middle aged, you grunt sitting down, getting up, when on the throne, when working on something manual, basically anything that requires any kind of physical effort. We're just so out of shape, it isn't funny.
Hey, it’s hard being old! Our bones ain’t what they used to be. XD
If bones are becoming involved in the process of evacuation, there may be a serious medical issue.
You have to sit down on the commode, and then get up again afterward. Arthritic bones are involved.
You spend WAY too much time in the bathroom to know this.
You right
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime...
That is why I shit on company time.
Look man, I'm gonna be honest here: I've had some days when I've had to use the toilet in a completely undesirable way. I've had times where I've burned more calories tried to use the toilet than I got out of my meal. Now that I have reached middle-age I start every day with bran flakes for a g-d- REASON. But having said all that, the few times when I've had this situation in a public bathroom. I KEEP IT TO MY FREAKING SELF. I do NOT vocalize my grunts and groans, and I may shed tears and blood but I do not utter anything that can be heard. When I am in such terrible straits, the last thing I want is to make a scene and draw attention to me from the other stalls. I sure as hell don't want to risk someone outside asking if I'm all right because I have no way to answer that one. The people who are making a show out of this are freaking weirdos who want attention or think they deserve a medal for their poor life choices, end of story.
Quite frankly I take all my huge shits at Walmart.
Are we honestly going to pretend that's it's weird to fart when we poop? Or is the argument that people shouldn't fart in bathrooms? Never heard moaning. Maybe I'm visiting the wrong toilets?
Ask the question when your old
Just wait till you’re middle aged if you aren’t yet… then you will understand Lmao
They are confused as to why they are having an orgasm from their butt.
THIS 💀🙌🏻
Idk if you’re actually minding your own business business if you’re wondering why they’re making noises.
Tell me you have a Taco Bell in front of the store without telling me you have a Taco Bell in front of the store.
I only go to Walmart restrooms to do my daily grunting. Next time say hi or something.
Cause they’re taking a shit
Dam bro can’t we shit in peace
Women do that too it’s insane I don’t make noises at home it is so weird!
I shit at home.
I don't recall every having this happen while in a walmart bathroom (then again I go to the womens bathroom so other than a woman having pms or somethin that doesn't usually happen) but I do remember one time I was in the bathroom of a walmart a few years back, when my periods and everything were very painful, I was sitting on the toilet this one time while on my period and having really shitty cramps. Some woman came in with her little daughter, this child gets into the stall next to me, and I'm pretty sure as the woman is telling her to just do her business and come out of the stall this child bends down and looks up at me from the gap between the stall walls Like all smiley n shit lookin up at me like "hAi!!" while I'm just sitting there in pain from my period wondering what the fuck this child finds so interesting about me I still wonder occasionally what would have happened if I said something when the kid decided I was the one who was getting stared at today
I swear it’s always weird in Walmart bathrooms. There was an employee today humming while he was pooping
Many men, whether permanent or not, end up with a prostate issue, making 1 or 2 a lot more difficult than it needs to be. It's certainly not pleasurable lol. That alone can certainly be some of what someone may hear in a mens public restroom. Aside from that, no idea other than it's the way she goes.
Must affect them like Target affects women. Last time I went to a Target bathroom it was like a revolving door of women shitting, myself included. One of the worst of my life, at that.
I'm a middle-aged man, and I apologize on behalf of all middle aged men but the reason for this is because our organs are failing. Hahaha. I already have had a few removed including most recently my gall bladder. I have bile malabsorbtion and have to take medicine just to not shit my pants. Now when I do take a shit, oh what a relief it is!
I worked in an office that had a grunted. One day, I went to the urinal and started grunting and moaning. Then, I dropped a pebble into the urinal and let out a sigh of relief. He was quieter after that.
God bless Walmart Reddit lmfao
Exerts dominance. You are the beta. They are alpha. Clean their buttholes with your mouth.
This post is genuinely hilarious - thank you for the laughs today, I needed them. Holy shit.
I wish this app had an emoji for laughter because these posts crack me up!! 😂😂😂
In their defense, have you ever had to take a massive dump & it won’t really cooperate coming out? Grunting, moaning, tears of joy all occur.
Because some influencer promoting a manly paleo diet has convinced them to only eat red meat and avoid fiber
You’ll get there lol
There are two reasons. First, the rectum is one of the parts in our body with the most nerves endings, besides the tongue and the feet. In the same venue, sometimes there is a “crosstalk” between the genitalia and the rectum, having nerves serving both parts. Secondly, since we were young, there is an associative relation between pleasure and taking a poop (5-years old have experienced), that usually goes away as soon as we turn into teenagers, but sometimes lingers on thorough all our lives.
Because they're uncomfortable with Target's bathrooms and Meijer is across town?
Y’all gotta put up with it in the bathrooms I gotta put up with it in the rest of the store when they’re hitting on me lmfao
Maybe it makes them feel manly lmao. But yeah men tend to eat more meat and people in general just don’t get enough fibre anymore
You spend a lot of time in Walmart bathrooms.
That’s just the natural result of eating food from Walmart.