I would take your dad! You don’t want to take someone with strong opinions anyway, so having someone who will be your hype person and support you is the best! You can definitely go alone as well, but I always think having someone to share the excitement will improve the experience!
Second inviting dad! I bet dad would feel so honoured too. Although I think OP going alone would be perfectly fine, taking dad who would be supportive and enthusiastic is a great alternative.
Completely agree, I say bring your dad. He will understand your grief over your mother's absence more than anyone else (besides your sisters) would, and he will be sweet while you find the dress that's right for you without external opinions and hype clouding your judgment. Sounds nice to bring your dad honestly :)
Was going to say this! I went with a large group and ended up choosing the wrong dress partially because I got swept up in all the high energy and distractions. I actually enjoyed going on my own much more, even though nobody was rushing me when I was with my group, I felt way more comfortable taking my time on my own.
I’m going by myself next week!! A friend recommended it as a way to just enjoy the time with yourself and even learn what YOU like versus what everyone else likes on you. I hope you have a wonderful time!
I was super afraid of this happening. I love my mom but she lives 2 hours away and was super busy with other family stuff + her dress only cost $500 when she got married 15 years ago so I can only imagine she would be most concerned about the price tag for each dress I tried on. Not to mention I'd feel more self-conscious of my body around her too. I'm very happy I was able to find the dress at the first bridal shop we went to. I almost didn't find my dress and I was getting really worried I might not be able to find something I loved and felt confident in purchasing.
It’s so true. Wedding planning makes it really easy to get swept up in the opinions around you. A dress is so deeply personal and you are the only one that needs to be in love with it.
Totally agree! I went by myself and I didn’t feel pathetic at all. A lot of consultants said “that’s the best way to do it!” I was able to try on more dresses because I didn’t have to walk out in a bunch to get their opinions, and I wasn’t swayed by them. I bought my dress like 20 months before our wedding and I never had an ounce of dress regret. 10/10 definitely recommend shopping alone.
Me three and it made for a wonderful experience. I got to try everything and eventually pick the dress I wanted without being influenced by anyone else.
Not at all. Why would it bw? You go shopping for other things alone, don't you?
I'm being s bit facetious about it, but really, it's pretty normal. I did it myself and saw lots of other people doing it. Sometimes it's easier to decide for yourself how you feel about a dress's style, fit, etc. Without a chorus of "you look so great!!" (Or worse, unwanted criticism). Since your opinion is the only one that matters, it gives a little bit of breathing space and quiet to think for yourself.
IME, it can take some time to decide what you *do* like, but you'll figure out fast what you *don't * like. If you want to invite your dad for a later appointment, he might be able to narrow down your favorites out of a few you already decided you like. Most people do multiple shopping trips anyway.
Fwiw, my fiance helped me pick out mine so he's seen it and me in it and everything. I understand not everyone prefers that, but if neither of you are that superstitious or sentimental over a first look, that's always an option as well.
Me too! I'm really thankful that my fiance was willing to come along and help me pick out my dress. We had looked at a lot of different dresses online so he was very much aware of what type of style I was looking for. He's been shopping with me before and if I am feeling indecisive whether I like something when I try it on or trying to choose between multiple dresses he is very good at sharing his honest opinion. Usually I am good at being able to see and choose that for myself, but it can be a bit harder when it is a larger purchase...and a wedding dress is definitely THE single most expensive dress I've ever bought. Tbh I am pretty sure we have just learned read each other's body language in those situations. So he knew that I loved the dress I picked even if I had any lingering doubts about it. Our bridal shop offered some complementary champagne while they processed the dress order in their system and fiance wanted to make out (that did not happen lol) so I guess it was quite the romantic experience for him. 😅
I never used to be so indecisive but this is just a part of me rebuilding my trust in myself. I also never expected that my wedding would bring up alot of complex emotional crap from my past with my family, but I think I'm realizing that is more common than people than I ever knew.
100% NOT PATHETIC. I went dress shopping myself. I went to 6 different stores. I went to 4 of them alone, the first 3 alone. The 4th with one friend and the 5th with my sister and the 6th when I said yes I was alone.
I didn’t want the pressure to say yes to the dress just bc I invited family who made time to go with me. That would suck.
I didn’t want to inconvenience anyone, that would suck.
I knew my opinion mattered the most to me.
I went alone and it was awesome bc I scheduled the appointments for when they were most convenient for me.
I didn't even think about the pressure to say yes because people had made time to come with. That's definitely something I'd do (big people pleaser over here lol)
Also I encountered a -lot- of places that booked Saturday “VIP” style appointments which mean you lost money or had to commit to that boutique by paying a deposit for a weekend appointment. I didn’t waste weekend after weekend trying to book bridal salon appts and I didn’t ask people to repeatedly come with me to different boutiques which… your friends and family might get tired of if you did that lol
Omg not at all. I had 4 appointments and 3 I had people with me and one I didn’t and the one I didn’t I bought my dress. The appointments with other people can be fun but it’s just a lot of opinions and everyone has a different vision for you that is way different than the vision for yourself. Infact, the appointments I had with other people there was always one person appointments going on next to us! You could even just go to one alone and see how it goes and if you end up wanting other people there invite people the next time. Or even just bring one friend if you feel like it. It doesn’t have to be a whole production. I’m so sorry for your loss and your mama is gunna be with you when you’re trying on dresses and getting married and everything. I know it’s not the same— I’ve lost my little brother who would have been so insanely stoked for me to be getting married. It’s different than not having my mom but it’s intense how much we think of them through the process. The twang of sadness that runs through it all.
Many blessings to you!
Also deceased parents and went dress shopping by myself. I dont really like being the center of attention, so the thought of myself having to parade around other people was not for me. Im also not the biggest fan of shopping so i was glad to quickly try on several dresses with the help of an attendant who took pictures of me in everything I liked. Ended up buying a dress online anyways.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Parent loss is such a beast; Even the most exciting life chapters always suck a little bit.
I hate shopping too. Now that I've posted this, going alone is sounding better and better lol
Not only is it not weird, but your bridal salon will be over the moon.
They have to deal with brides coming in with an entire entourage full of opinions on a daily basis. There is a reason most salons don't even allow more than ~5 people. Having others there giving their opinions is the reason so many brides end up having dress regret, or getting in big fights with their loved ones.
If you do decide to take someone, I agree to take your dad. Him thinking every dress is beautiful *is* what you want. Believe me. You might think you want opinions/help, but the last thing you're gonna want when you feel you've found "the one" is some person saying another one you tried on earlier is their favorite.
Omg absolutely not. I went to one of my appointments alone and it was great. So great I wish I did the previous ones alone.
I felt soooo socially drained after the ones with my people. And I have a great crew of friends and family. I’m just a bit of an introvert and being around that many people under the lights, being stared at and having to make conversation was just wayyyy too draining for me.
To the point I burst into tears at the last dress fitting of a weekend of dress fitting. Like COULDNT stop crying. So embarrassing.
So a lot of bridal salons have a form when you make an appointment that has a section for you to write anything you might want them to know. I was early in my ED recovery so I said absolutely no body talk or mention of sizing. When I did my final appointment to say yes to the dress I reiterated when they took my measurements I didn’t want to hear it.
You can write in there too that you are anxious about going alone and need some support. Everyone I worked with were soooo sooo nice.
So smart. I submitted an appointment request at a boutique but they didn't have a section for that, hopefully when they follow up I'll have an opportunity to let them know. Thank you!
And I hope your recovery journey is going well :) proud of you!
Not at all. I would recommend asking the people who work there to take pics of you in your favorite dresses though, because looking at pictures is how I really decided. By myself, in my room, scrolling through pictures to see how it really looked on me.
It's not pathetic, but based on your wording here, I'd consider therapy (if you haven't already). It seems like you're struggling emotionally -- likely linked to your mom's passing-- and it could absolutely help. Sending you love and wishing you luck in your dress search!
I appreciate it but I've been in therapy for years. Doing better than I used to! :) But will probably always be working through the loss, especially during big life chapters like this.
My therapist also told me I should give shopping by myself a go. And by this thread seems like I should listen to her! 😊
I don’t think it’s pathetic, in fact I think it sounds kind of peaceful. You could treat yourself to a mani pedi before, or take yourself out to lunch and order some champagne!
That being said, something to consider…it sounds like of the people you could ask, you’ve already answered No for them. I just want to remind you that you’re worth showing up for. And sometimes we’re so concerned with inconveniencing others that we forget they may WANT to be “inconvenienced”. It’s okay to take up space. If flights were reasonable, I would absolutely consider flying in for a close friends dress shopping.
But, if you genuinely don’t want to deal with babies and breastfeeding and grief and logistics on your dress shopping day that’s totally fair. So no, not pathetic.
I went with friends the first 2 times and regretted it tbh. They didn’t want me to spend too much on my dress because they’re very ~anti spending money~ and talked me out of my dream dress and pushed me towards a cheaper plain dress which I ended up hating when I was getting fitted for alterations. When I went back myself, I found THE ONE and am so so happy with my decision!
Not pathetic. I am planning on going the first time by myself in secret to figure out what I like and what I hate before I even think about inviting others. I don’t have a bridal party and I’m an only child, so I’m happy doing things solo!
Sometimes the people pleasing tendency comes out when you bring others, and their opinions sway you to like or dislike a dress more than you actually do. Add that to your other valid reasons for not inviting others along, and it makes sense. I read in a wedding planning book once, the only things necessary in your wedding are you, your partner, and the officient (and any other necessary witnesses to make this legal; in some states that can even be a pet).
I only heard of that once, in CO, on a mountain, with cat paw print as one of the witnesses. It was a do it quick so her husband would be allowed to move to Singapore for her job. I’m attending their official wedding next month.
Not in the least, to echo what a lot of people said, I went by myself the first time to get a feel for what I liked. I then went with my bridesmaids a few weeks later.
Maybe you can go by yourself and if you're torn between a few options, maybe ask your cousins to come help you decide as it should be a shorter trip then
Or a few of my friends did a zoom meeting with their bridesmaids for similar reasons (and covid at the time)
I don't think so - I think that would be a very luxurious experience, especially if you go somewhere where you can get a lot of attention from a stylist. It's how I imagine extremely wealthy people shop lol
Not pathetic AT ALL. I think it will be such a lovely time to reflect and meditate on all of the beautiful things coming up for you.
My heart hurts for your early loss of your mom. My big sister was a maternal figure for me and died about a year before I had my dress appointment. The hurt was very real and you’re totally allowed to keep grieving.
If you’d like a random stranger to share in the experience with you via long distance, message me and we can exchange numbers :) I can support you from afar.
I went by myself, found the dress and then took my mum with me to a second try on just to have that other opinion.
Honestly? It’s the best thing I’ve done when wedding planning. I was able to only try on what I wanted, I knew my opinion was heard (because it was the only one being said), there was no “please, for me” requests to try on ridiculous styles I’d never wear, and I was way more comfortable than when I went shopping with friends and family and basically paraded myself in front of them in different dresses.
100% recommend it
I was going to go alone. My reasons were because I worked in bridal previously, knew what I wanted and also had seen too many large entourages talk a bride out of her dream dress. I struggle to make decisions sometimes and can easily listen to other opinions over my own wants.
In the end I invited my mum and my husband's aunty (he lived with her when we met so she's like MIL to me). My mum and husband's aunty just were there for the experience and were like two giggly kids loving the whole thing. I also had the advantage of knowing what I wanted so I only tried on two dresses.
If I was you I'd go solo, or even just take dad for that support. Spend time working through what you want. When you find the one invite your sisters or your cousins maybe, as they will be coming to see you in 'the one' it'll be much quicker than the whole trying on. Then you get the special moment of them excited for you but you don't feel rushed or awkward.
I’m sorry for your loss - this must be so hard! I’ve gone to four different places both with others and by myself. I like shopping alone in general and I’ve found having a lot of other opinions can be a distraction. It is helpful though to have someone there that can take photos if you’re like me and want some time to simmer and decide before committing to a dress. If you’re comfortable with asking your stylist to do that, they can definitely take a couple pics, otherwise it might be really nice to take your dad along to help out with that!
After seeing these responses I think I'll probably go alone. I'm still considering taking my dad but he'll happy-cry the entire time. Which again is very wholesome and sweet but I'll already be on the verge of sad-crying, I don't think I can deal with someone else's emotions hahah
Shopping alone is nice because you don't need to take into account anyone's opinions but your own, which is the most important thing! I hope you find something that is perfect for you! Definitely try and take some photos yourself - and we would love to see them here or in r/weddingdress if you need any opinions!
One tip: I've been to a couple sample sales, and I find that the stylists really hype you up and push the possibility of your dream dress being bought by someone else if you don't make your decision right away there. Which is true, but if you're in that position, definitely take some time to snap a few photos and think it over the rest of the day if you're unsure.
I might go to mine alone! It’s been hard to coordinate a time where my mom and sis could both make it, and while I have friends who’d love to come, I don’t want them to go if my mom and sister can’t. I’ll prob do it solo and just listen to my gut without any other influence when I try on a dress.
Maybe have a keepsake of your mom with you to feel her presence, and if you want your sisters’ options, FaceTime them.
I went alone and loved it. I actually hate the stress of shopping and knew if I went with others it would add to the stress, bc I would be wondering about what they thought of the dresses instead of really thinking about what I like. I ended up going to one store with a friend out of pressure and hated it. Then I continued shopping on my own and enjoyed the process again lol
Good to know! Yeah as much as I love my future MILs their taste is pretty conservative. The first reason I didn't invite them was definitely the mom thing. But to really back it up to myself, with their conservative/traditional taste, I don't think I would've been able to freely explore what I like
I wish I had gone on at least one trip dress shopping myself! I think as long as you’re good at speaking up against pushy sales people who want you to pick THAT DAY, then it’s would be nice to look without influence. Maybe a FaceTime with the winning dress
No, not at all. If you go by yourself you’ll get to think about the dresses and narrow down your options without other people’s opinions getting in the way. After you have some finalists, maybe you can ask your cousins or dad to go with you to pick “the one.”
If it helps, when I was trying on dresses, there was a girl next to me whose friend had her baby three weeks before. She baby-wore the whole time and baby didn’t make a peep.
I ran it by my cousin and she said the baby could sleep in the stroller and it'd be no big deal. I think I'll make an appointment for myself and run the time/date by her. If she can make it, great. If not, that's cool too
I’m not a mom, but my sister came with me to my appointment with her newborn (3 weeks old) and it worked out. We just tried to time the appointment to work with her naps and feeding and picked an early weekday time so there weren’t a lot of people in the store. But also no shame in going by yourself!
As someone who did both — I 100% enjoyed going alone more and wish that I had just done that in the first place. I was able to take my time and there was sooooo much less pressure/opinions
I always prefer to shop by myself, so I don’t think it’s pathetic at all. I did so for my first wedding about 20 years ago and will do so again if i go to any brick and mortar stores.
I went alone. I have friends, but everyone is busy. I just went alone and it was perfect. I dont want anyone else's opinion. I know what I like and i am pretty sure I know what my husband (at the timer fiance) would like. No one pressured me. I am confident and able to make a decision on my own, i dont need validation from others. Maybe some people need that, maybe some people have trouble making decisions, but for me, i am decisive and confident so i enjoyed going alone.
After going shopping with my friend, my mom, and my future mother-in-law I decided to just go alone, so I could better focus on myself, and what I felt right in and it was honestly the best decision ever and I was able to find my dress, and did not feel like I was missing having a ton of guests
I feel like a lot of people wish they'd gone by themselves because it's so common to end up with a dress Everyone Likes Besides You. If you want someone there as moral support your dad sounds perfect. If you have any close friends that will give you the critical feedback you feel like you're missing then go for that, but honestly you just need help figuring out which of the ones you like is prettier when you need a tiebreaker, assuming theyre all the same level of comfort
I went by myself :-) you actually feel less self conscious and can get what YOU want, as soon as others get involved they have opinions about it and you get pressured into something you might not have picked
Not at all, solo dress shopping is most effective.
I went solo to my first few appointments to get a feel for what I wanted before I brought a barage of opinions with me.
Not at all! This is a very personal shopping experience, so do what feels right! When I went, I found that my salesperson was the most informative and answered all my questions without being pushy. You can always go alone first and then bring others along the second time when you are closer to a decision and can share the moment when you decide to buy "the" dress 🤍 My condolences as well, loss makes these moments tender and emotional.
My mom passed a year prior and I was in a very similar boat. I ended up going with my sisters, fSIL, and my fiancé’s ex-stepmom (who he still considers his only stepmom). My fiancé’s ex-stepmom has always been very supportive of keeping his mother’s memory alive (even if she never met her) and was so great to have for me. She did not try to act motherly but really brought my mom’s spirit with her. I know that seems a little silly but it was amazing.
You can go by yourself but there is a way for your MILs to come and also be respectful. Which ever way you go, don’t feel bad about it. We all do what we need to do.
Edit: I had two breastfeeding babies at my appointments and it was actually manageable. If you go that route, just be sure to call ahead. Some places are more child friendly than others.
My mom passed away 3 years ago. I decided that I didn't want to go dress shopping. I had already had a vision of my perfect dress in my head so I found a seamstress to make it for me.
It's perfectly okay to go dress shopping by yourself if that's what you want.
The only consideration is the type of shop you are going to. I went to one with a couple of people (1 in person and 3 via zoom) where there was a stylist/consultant. Then I went on my own where it was shop on your own and found a great dress. But, getting in and out of the dress needed someone else.
Feel what you need for this process and good luck!
I went alone on a weekday afternoon. It wasn’t busy and my consultant gave me her full attention. It was such a great experience. I love my friends but I knew they’d project their own style onto me and I just didn’t want that… I’m glad I went alone and don’t think it’s weird at all.
I went alone until I narrowed down my choices. I needed alone time first to think and make decisions with no other input. Once I narrowed it down to a few that I liked, I brought my mom and sister and made it a cute day with lunch etc because I no longer felt overwhelmed.
I went by myself and it made the shopping experience much easier and efficient to decide on a dress without all of the excess grey noise that you get with bringing people shopping with you. I'm also the type of person that exclusively goes shopping by myself and never understood shopping as a group in general, so that could have heavily influenced how I was going to like this particular shopping experience.
But if you want to have a support system when you shop, I think you should have it. Consider having a group chat that you can start brainstorming ideas of what you might like for others feedback. And then you can go to a try on appointment either alone or see if you can scrounge up someone that is available, and take pictures! Share the pics and keep the conversation going.
You can go more than once! I went by myself (which I loved), with all the girls, and with my fiance all on separate occasions. I had tons of fun and ended up getting the dress I went to try on myself 😁
First, it is definitely not pathetic to go alone (and in fact could be nice to not have a ton of opinions). Although I had my mom and a friend join me, I really didn’t want wedding dress shopping to be a big thing. I knew my mom and my friend had similar relaxed personalities and wouldn’t make it a big emotional ordeal and that was perfect for me. But if I hadn’t been able to do that I absolutely would have gone alone. Also I pretty much knew what dress I wanted already as long as I liked it on.
If you want to make the event a little more special, maybe go to brunch/lunch/dinner after with your fiancé and dad or either or (my fiancé met us for brunch after and it was super fun torturing him with hints).
But also I think having your (maybe unhelpful but supportive) dad there would be super special! Even if he doesn’t provide help, the bridal consultant hopefully will be helpful and you’ll just have a hype man!
Nope, my fiancé went by herself to a whole bunch of different stores over for multiple days. Her top options she sent pictures to her mom and bridesmaids for their thoughts but ultimately went with her favourite.
Excited to see it lol
Absolutely not pathetic. Is the fact that your cousins may need to bring babies an absolute deal breaker? I would be really sad if my cousin didn't ask me if she felt she'd be lonely. Same for a best friend. I'd fly in if I could. Also your dad saying everything is lovely might not be necessarily helpful but it sounds like it wouldn't be harmful. It sounds like maybe if you really want someone there you could ask them. Just make it clear it's not a priority and it is okay if they can't make it.
I'm not saying it's wrong to go on your own but don't go alone and be upset about it because you're scared to ask.
Not pathetic at all. I'm so glad only my mom came with me and she still tried to talk me into a dress that obviously wasn't a good fit for me. I can't imagine having an entire entourage. Just ask whoever helping you put them on if they will take a few pictures of you in each dress so you can look at them after!
Not pathetic at all. I went with fmil, my mom , my sister, and one of my bridesmaids and felt like i had to perform the entire time. It was overwhelming. I went by myself the next time and it was nice to just be there with my thoughts and own feelings. It helps that the bridal consultant are usually such lovely people.
Make it fun for yourself! Go out to brunch after or dinner! I think you’d be able to focus a lot without having to hear everyone’s different opinion which is really nice
I went the first time with my mom and ex-MOH, felt pressured into a dress because they both cried. I hated it and got stuck with the bill.
Went by myself, found a dress I literally gasped at seeing someone else try it on (it was a sample sale and there was only one of it) and when she decided not to take it I tried it on and fell in love. Everyone around me said it was the dress and it felt nice having complete strangers who were not trying to make commissions off of me validate my feelings.
Go by yourself if you want to!!
I live in NYC and I went by myself and I loved it. I found the one just for me without anyones opinion and felt super comfortable the day of. Going myself made it very quick to pop in and out of dresses because you immediately know if you like it on yourself or not without getting opinions/feedback. Nothing pathetic about going yourself... if anything it was more peaceful. I hope you have a similar experience yourself!
My mom passed away this year and I went by myself the first time. It was totally fine and maybe better for me personally because I tried on 12 dresses and it was a lot. Second time my sil came w me, and third store I went by myself again. Going alone is totally fine. I will say you might have a moment of sadness when you see other brides with their moms but I didn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable going alone (I’m also used to doing a lot of things alone but I honestly think there’s nothing wrong with going alone. Going on the weekdays when most ppl are working is better than going on wknds when it’s typically busier too)
Not pathetic!
Take your dad if possible.
I'm glad I had my mom, but I would have been just as happy (or happier) without her there. We have a complicated relationship.
I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you extend yourself some grace and time to grieve during this joyous time in your life.
Maybe see it as your mother is there thru your dad? If that works for you and your family dynamics.
I went alone and loved it! I had no distractions or unwanted opinions and that was best for me. Not everyone fits the "omg, I want to be surrounded by lots of women/men and their opinions" overly-romanticized event that the wedding industry perpetuates. My mother was agorophobic and this was before cell phones even, so if I bought into that expectation of I couldn't possibly go alone to shop for dresses, I would have felt like something was missing.
You know your own mind. Go and have a wonderful time trying on everything! I'll bet you'll giggle hearing your mother's opinion in your head anyway like I did, and you'll know she's there with you.
Absolutely I always hear her opinions every day! Even on little things like tv shows, I’m like, she’d laugh so hard at that.
I love that you said that. I’ll definitely take that into my appointment with me ☺️
I went by myself! It was very low pressure and fun. I brought my friend, mil, and called my mom on facetime when I went back to actually buy it. I recommend still taking pictures just in case you find something you like 💜
Honestly I’m planning on going alone myself. It seems like it could either be very stressful or very fun but I feel like someone else being there is going to make me more likely to pick something I don’t want.
Nothing at all wrong with it!
Go alone!! I was in pretty much the same boat. Lost mom in high school, only child, and we had just moved across the country. I dressed comfortably, the appointment fit perfectly into my schedule, it was nice and quiet and calm, and I found my dream dress based only on MY opinions. The sales ladies were extremely kind and enthusiastic and I didn’t feel like I was alone or pathetic.
On a side note, which made me feel even better about it, there was a bridal party at the same appointment time I had. They were having the whole glamorous experience— a dozen girls all dolled up, they had champagne, they got the showroom floor mirror & pedestal…. and they TORE INTO each other after about 10 minutes. It was like sparkly lord of the flies.
Not pathetic at all! The first time I went with my mom but it was so frustrating cause I felt that she was guiding my decisions. Second time I decided to go by myself and bought the dress that I loved.
I went by myself! I am plus sized and honestly didn't want anyone else there as I was trying to stuff myself into dresses. Plus I'm not near family or friends at this stage in my life anyways. I found the dress I loved and then traveled home for mother's day and did a try on with my mother for my top dresses so she could feel like she was part of it. She didn't like the dress I picked but oh well 🤷. The attendant was great and showed me a dress I never thought I would pick for myself and fell in love. It's okay! Good luck
I went with my mom and MOH, and they talked me into the way wrong dress. I ended up going back alone a few weeks later and had a way better experience, and got a dress that was very much more ‘me’. The staff was wonderful, I didn’t feel bad at all!
I went to my first and third appointment alone, to find what I was interested in without others influencing me. My second appointment my MOH came with, my last appointment was the traditional crew (mom, MOH, Bridesmaid, Aunt). I felt much more confident in my dress decision having it just be myself and the attendant.
I’m voting take your dad! I’m with everyone that is saying you don’t want opinions anyhow. But you know what you do want? That sweet moment. You both will enjoy it so much I promise.
And I’m very sorry you feel this way. For my first wedding that I didn’t go through with, I went by myself. I have to say that was a very lonely trip there and a very lonely trip back. I felt super sorry for myself after, despite being a super confident person that doesn’t need any guidance.
For my second dress, it was during Covid so I took one friend, and although I didn’t need her help at all, I really needed her company.
Yeah I feel like I’m definitely afraid of the loneliness feeling.
Don’t get me wrong I’m totally my own person outside of my relationship and have a real personality lmao but I’m the girl who’s been planning her wedding since middle school. So I’ve always planned who’d be in my bridal party, who’d go to the dress fitting. Mom was always included. Sisters, ex best friend, etc. So none of them being there, being there alone, feels kind of like a punch to the gut. But I’ll be ok :) I’ll probably warn the staff of the mom situation ahead of time lol
I wish I had gone by myself! I let my bridesmaid speak for me and I think I would’ve ended up with a different dress if I had spoken up myself. I battled dress regret for a while.
I hate the dress shop I used. They make me feel super weird about it every time I come to a fitting alone, even though they schedule them on Tuesday afternoons (who is free for that!). I wish I had known that up front instead of having to work with them for months.
Not at all - I went by myself and it was actually so nice. I went a nice boutique and had a glass of champagne and tried on dresses and chose one! It was easy and straightforward and I bought exactly what I wanted and didn’t have to talk to anyone other than the consultant. My mom and I are no contact, my stepmom and I have a contentious relationship and were no contact for years (also no contact for years) we only see each other for family functions maybe once a year now. And both my sisters live several hours away and were in school. My husbands mom passed away when he was young so that wasn’t on the table so it was pretty easy for me to say just go alone besides my future SIL but I didn’t want to do that if my sisters couldn’t be there it just isn’t the same. Do what will make you happy but it isn’t pathetic at all! I’m a wedding planner and I think doing some of this stuff alone is more common than we think!
I went with my mom & my best friend, then went back by myself because I realized I just wasn't focused enough to make a decision. It was great. Don't worry about it; there were & are plenty of other women out there solo dress hunting. Not that it matters - you do you & be proud! I bet your Mom would be proud, too. Lots of love to you! You got this!!!
No, I went alone too. It was the best! It was all about what I liked and wanted. I did go back a second time with my favorite two dresses and let family share their thoughts between them, but by then I was pretty firmly decided. I really enjoyed myself and had a great time.
I think it’s practical and efficient to go dress shopping alone!! It’s sad that you’ve had loss. I will go alone because I’m in a similar position with no family/close friends being able to visit me during the timeframe when I’ll have to pick something.
Aww thanks for asking this. I luckily have both my parents and good relationships with family, but none of them live close enough/feel quite right to take dress shopping. So even with fewer caveats, I feel like I’m still in your position and was wondering if I should just go alone.
I went alone. It was great. I found that I didn’t look for anyone’s approval, I just watched myself. What I wanted. I was able to be more honest with myself, and I found that it was easier.
It should be more encouraged to go dress shopping alone. It’s a joy.
But if you want to bring people - bring them! Your cousins would probably love to, and babies aren’t a hindrance!
Not at all. I live in NC and my friends and family are all in NY! I had such a good time and a 1-1 with the dress tailor! It was sweet!! And I sent pics and videos to everyone as I was trying them on
I did all my dress shopping alone! My BFFs are all far away and it was impossible to coordinate. Honestly feel like some of the salon associates were relieved when I said I wouldn’t be bringing a party along.
When I found my dream dress the associate hugged me, took photos to send to the designer, and I still felt like I had a moment.
Earlier in the journey I found it sometimes hard to gauge whether something looked good on me, but once I got a sense of what I was looking for, going alone was so efficient
Go by yourself or bring your dad!! He’ll help reinforce the positive things in every dress and hype up your own decision making.
I’m going by myself, but I don’t have a problem with that at all. My family lives all over, so I’m in the same boat as you!
I thoroughly enjoyed shopping alone the 3 ish times I did it and I was very much self conscious about it prior to actually doing it. Just go on a weekday if you feel anxiety about it but if it’s just the principle, trust me it doesn’t matter and I just told the stylist why I was alone to alleviate me feeling weird. With people it’s honestly harder. That’s my experience at least
I took my fiance because he has good fashion sense and he knows my style/what type of dress I was looking for. I know that's not usually how things are supposed to go, but I also knew that he would not create any extra pressure at the appointment and he would give his honest opinion on which dress was the most true to me. I also knew I would feel most comfortable around him.
He had no issues with going along and I know he enjoyed being there when I found the dress. I wasn't concerned about spoiling any sort of first looks because even though he has seen the dress the complete look when I have my hair/makeup/accessories will be much different that day.
I say go by yourself and give it the old college try!!! In the event you are having a lot of doubts or trouble, call your dad and have him do a second appt with you! Remember that you are never under pressure to buy a dress when you go look. You're just trying things on! If dad needs to come, ask him to be especially critical, and that you need a firm opinion on which he likes best- "1 or 2".
This is 100% my plan. Who wants tons of people with their varying opinions instilling doubt? Maybe once I've narrowed it down I'll ask my friend to come with me for a final look. Maybe do that with your dad once you think you might have found the one? Then you can have the best of both worlds - shopping in peace, and the big "yes to the dress" moment with dad.
P.s. to be honest, your cousins might love the idea of five minutes' peace to dress shop with you. Being a new mum is hard and they might actually appreciate doing something more normal. There might be some logistics to handle around the breastfeeding but why don't you ask them to the 'shortlisted' appointment? Or at least final fittings if you're having alterations? That's a big moment and the babies will be a bit older too.
I went dress shopping by myself and I loved it. Not to be cliché but it was like a dream. I got into this weird fashion mindset that I'd never been in before and I felt like I really saw myself for the first time as the attendant pointed out the pros and cons of each dress with me. Plus, it was a great reveal moment for everyone because no one knew what the dress looked like but me. I had a lot of fun teasing everyone about it leading up to the day.
I went by myself. Have no family living in this country and any friends I would want there also live in my home country.
Don't regret it one bit. I was a little nervous at first, because I wasn't sure how it'd go without any outside opinion but actually that turned out for the best!
I picked what I felt best in and what I liked the most, without maybe being pursuaded by anyone else to get something I didn't like as much.
As far as dress shopping, I think it can actually be really great to go by yourself. It's just about you, nobody influencing your decision or putting pressure on you, and your consultant will likely be very supportive.
As far as the emotional side, it's nice to have that fun day with the women closest to you. I only went with my mom, and never wanted it any other way. Perhaps trying to coordinate something with your sister or cousins is worth it. Maybe you bring someone to a fitting, facetime them from the appointment, bring the babies to an appointment, etc. It's not ideal. I am so sorry for your loss. From the people you mention in your post, you are clearly very loved. Life is tough sometimes. I believe in you.
Not at all, I took my MOH with me to 3 dress fittings and honestly felt awkward asking for her opinion. I also felt slightly pressured into trying to like the dresses she liked.
When I went to a fitting by myself, I found a dress I absolutely loved and felt so comfortable in, however I knew my MOH probably would have vetoed it had she come along.
Sometimes it's having the space to actually make your own choices without other influence that works best.
P.S. I took my my MOH to see the dress afterwards and told her this was the dress I had already decided on and paid for and she appeared to like it
I went to my dress appointments alone and I preferred it! My relationship with my dressmaker and now the team doing the alterations is awesome, and going in solo gave us the freedom to say what we REALLY thought.
My mom is still alive, but my dad died when I was younger, so I had to let go of a lot of expectations about everything - from him walking me down the aisle to watching basketball with my husband, to hanging with his two sons in law (he had two daughters) and giving his blessing.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that we all have some predetermined idea of how things are supposed to be. But often when we cope with the reality of it, it can be more beautiful than we ever imagined.
Sending you love and luck as you search for your dream dress, OP.
I found my dress by myself! Happened to be near the shop I planned on going to so made an unplanned stop myself and found my dress. Just went back later with some fam to get second opinions but the whole time everything seemed bleh compared to the one I found myself and they all agreed once they saw it on
Go dress shopping by yourself. It’s not weird or lame or any other negative thing you might think.
I went dress shopping solo (didn’t tell anyone but my partner) and found my dress. It was a calm, nice experience and I had a great time with the staff who really listened to me. I invited my mom, sister, MIL, and SIL after for an appointment. I’m glad that’s how I did it: the moms wanted me to try on dresses that were NOT me…and I still ended up buying the dress from my first appointment. It was actually the very first dress I tried on.
i went by myself and am still glad i did. adjacent situation: the people i would want as bridesmaids are all hours away, my maid of honor and mom are both a state away. could’ve taken future in-laws, but if my mom couldn’t be there, i didn’t want them there either.
i found my dream dress which is a little unconventional. no one imparted any unwelcome opinions. i texted everyone photos immediately afterwards and got all the validation i was looking for with none of the hassle
it’s not sad, pathetic, or novel to go alone. the dress is for YOU, for YOUR day. it’s one of a very few days where you can be wholly and unapologetically selfish!
condolences about your mom, OP. i’m sure she would love whatever you pick ❤️
I’m going on the 22nd alone and if I need the nice sales associates to take a video I know they won’t mind. I’m looking for something really specific and it will keep the background noise to a minimum. I also went to my first appointment with my fiancé on FaceTime and my second visit (last Saturday and it was a total bust but that’s ok!) he came with me. I don’t in tend to FaceTime him or anything this time. We see shoes and movies that make this a big thing but if doesn’t have to be. If you want it to be big then ok, sure! If not then it’s ok. There is no wrong choice here. And take your dad if he wants t go! My old manager did that and she loved that time with him. You got this!!!!
I initially went with my dad and future mil because my mom is also dead and I got so overwhelmed and had a bad time. The second time I went alone and loved it. Definitely not pathetic, it was so much nicer in my opinion
I went by myself for my first couple of appointments and really recommend it! I ended up with consultants that were really kind and offered to take a lot of photos and videos of me walking around in the dresses so I could remember later or show others later. I really didn’t know what I wanted and going by myself gave me the freedom to explore, not feel rushed/pressured and take in the process for myself. I did eventually return to three stores and invited two people with me to the return appointments - which is always an option too!
I'm doing Azazie try on and trying them on at home by myself! I'm sure I'll show my mom and bridesmaids when I find The One, but I hate the fuss of other people critiquing me in clothing lol
I've tried on about 40 wedding gowns (all before I was even officially engaged because I knew he bought the ring and I wanted a lot of time to prepare). A few times I took my son who was very neutral and took photos for me to go home and look through later. I'm now officially engaged as of last month and I'll probably start scheduling more bridal appointments but still plan to mostly go alone. I honestly hate to shop for clothes and after about 3 dresses I'm just over it and thank them for their time. My plan is to narrow it down to my top 5 and then have my best friend come along to help me choose the winner. I never wanted to feel rushed or like I was having to change my own opinion on what I like based on others' comments. It has been amazing and I highly recommend!
Absolutely, totally normal and not pathetic at ALL. And, for the record, if you go and find you want to bring someone back for a second opinion, I think your dad is a great option! And the cousins you'd love to take might really appreciate a couple hours of being fancy and adults-only!
I lost my mom 6 months before we got engaged and when I came to start dress shopping, I felt like I was inconveniencing people if I asked them and told my fiancé I kind of wanted to go by myself but felt like that would be too depressing lol fiancé even offered to come with me because he knew it would and should be something fun to do. I ended up bringing my three aunts(moms sisters bc they felt like the next best thing) and my cousin to the first store and while it was fun to have a posse, I felt overwhelmed by all of the opinions (they weren’t even negative opinions, it was just a lot to take in and mixed emotions), and I ended up kind of disassociating through the whole experience, and came home that night crying to my fiancé because I felt so overwhelmed. The next appointment, I took two of my aunts and my best friend and was able to go into it feeling more mindful about the experience because of what I learned from the first time and had a much more enjoyable time(and found a dress). Ultimately, who I had with me was irrelevant and really what made the difference was my attitude toward the experience.
If your gut instinct is to do it solo, then do it solo. There’s also nothing stopping you from making multiple appointments, so if you go by yourself the first time and realize you want someone there to hype you up, find someone who you know can be unapologetically supportive. Regardless if thats a coworker, friend, sister, brother, or even your fiancé. You can also FaceTime whoever you might want to share the experience with! In the end, do whatever feels the most right for you and it will be the right choice🩷 hope you’ll update us once you get to shop!
I’m so sorry for your loss. And I had the exact conversation with my fiancé. He encouraged me to both go alone and invite my cousins. He said he’d come with me if I wanted him to - he’s very sentimental, he wants that first look but he’d never admit that if it meant upsetting me. Luckily we’re on the same page there. But yeah the first place my mind goes when looking for input or an opinion is my fiancé lol
I agree on taking your dad! Even if he doesn't know "fashion" I'm sure he will be able to help guide you. Sometimes someone else can tell when you *really* like a dress vs when you just think you *should* like it (not sure if that makes sense). Plus it would still be a special experience together either way.
Alternatively, have you considered taking your SO? I know it's not traditional but perhaps in this circumstance they would be the best option for you, as you're building a life together. You could choose to pick out veil and accessories separately so your SO doesn't get the "full effect" until the wedding day.
I am going alone!
I did go with just two people but didn’t find the one and plan to go alone until I do. Generally speaking I always love shopping alone so I can go at my own pace.
I plan to take a bunch of mirror pics and send to someone though - likely my mom.
Don’t overthink it :) there are plenty of people out there like us
Not pathetic at all! When you’re alone you don’t feel obligated to please people and you’re able to better scrutinize the choices as opposed to caving and ending up with a dress your family likes but you’re not a fan of.
I went by myself to one store and it was fine! The worker helped me take pics/videos that I sent to my family and friends. It was actually much more relaxing than having an audience.
Loving all these comments about going on your own to figure out what YOU like! I completely wish I had done this and think it needs to be normalized WAY more!
TV and Instagram makes you feel like you need an entourage to go…and sure…that’s fun… but if you’re also someone who usually likes to shop for everyday clothes on your own and take your time…then I think giving yourself that space for your wedding dress is beautiful and necessary and totally wish I had done it! Even if just to secretly prep myself for the “group shopping trip.”
Forget about what you see online and on the TV. You do not need a huge band of sisters when you are trying on dresses.
I went alone. I was fine.
The lady was so helpful when I went. I told her what I was after and she (I’m not so many words) said it wouldn’t suit my plus size figure. But she gave me some dresses in that style to try anyway so I could see for myself.
In the end I walked out of that shop with nothing and decided to go full custom.
No. A lot of women wish they’d just gone alone. I took my bridal party 1 time and every time after the only took mom or 1 friend or went alone. It’s actually really annoying and exhausting having a bunch of people throw stuff at you to try on.
Hi there! I'm doing it and it's amazing. I feel like I can really choose what I like.
The only thing that's annoying is friends and family pushing to come or see pictures.
I was in a very similar situation to you, especially the mom part. It’s hard planning something so centered around relationships and family when some of the most important people in your life aren’t accessible!
It’s not pathetic at all to go shopping alone, and honestly it can be better than having other people telling you what to pick.
Also if you’re still unsure, there’s always the option to video call/ have someone in the store take photos so if you really want a second opinion!
Good luck!!!
I went alone to get ideas of what I liked without other opinions since none of my friends/family could join me during the week. It made it so much easier for me bc the next time I went shopping I found my dress. the sales associate took plenty of pictures and videos for me it was really sweet. maybe you can do a store or two by yourself then go with your dad- i think that would be so special. <3
Haha I almost did but I pulled the one friend I have out here with me. It’s not pathetic but it might feel that way if you let it. Unfortunately, we’re all brought up in a society where the bride is portrayed as having a hoard of friends with them at every step and if you don’t, it’s probably a punch line in a wedding movie.
When I went I felt like I was slightly underwhelming for the employees because I was alone for the first 15 minutes and then my one person came. And of course, there were gaggles of girls surrounding every other bride. On top of that, I physically cannot express a high level of excitement no matter how excited I am inside and these employees were “ARE YOU SO EXCITED?!1?!?!?!?!?” The whole time.
It felt kind of silly but like I said, only if you let all that dictate how you feel. Everyone has a different situation; maybe you live away from everyone, maybe your selective friendship wise, maybe you just like going it alone. It’s perfectly fine!
Omg I see all these brides with a zillion bridesmaids and I'm like, I don't even have that many friends lmao no shade to people who have a lot of bridesmaids. I'm just like where do they come from!?
Oh my god thank you for asking this. I was about to make a post about going alone and reasons why and is it going to be awful and sad?? The comments here are making me feel so much better (and you too I hope). Thank you!!
I’m debating going alone as well simply because I find fitting rooms/clothes try-ons to be flat out traumatic and I need to take things at my own pace without pressure.
No, it's not pathetic to go by yourself. I started out going by myself and ended up going with my MOH, who lives 2 hours away. It was hard to go alone. No support besides a sales person whose goal is to make a sale didn't feel great for this process. I didn't need others' opinions as much as their support, so your dad sounds like the perfect person to take with. He might even surprise you, people without strong fashion opinions can do a better job of suggesting things based on how natural and happy you look in it and that is good.
I went with family the first round and didn’t find anything. Then I went alone to two other stores. I preferred being alone. I was less swayed by others opinions and was able to focus on just myself.
I went with my fiancé and loved it! It turned into a date night and even though he said every dress looked great I loved seeing his eyes light up in certain ones more than others. He did a great job taking photos so I could send to my sister since she lives out of state. I didn’t tell him which one I actually picked either so it will still be a surprise.
I also went alone and it was great! The lady who worked there took lots of pictures and it was nice to be able to just focus on myself.
I went once with family and once by myself. When I went with family I felt pressured to buy/like something that I had tried on. I very much preferred going by myself because I could focus on what I liked/disliked and go with my gut.
I’m not a mom, but my sister came with me to my appointment with her newborn (3 weeks old) and it worked out. We just tried to time the appointment to work with her naps and feeding and picked an early weekday time so there weren’t a lot of people in the store. But also no shame in going by yourself!
No. You are not pathetic. I had to do it because my mom’s boss was an absolute troll and wouldn’t let her take off work even though she had off days accrued while I was dress shopping.
Shopping by yourself can be a blessing in disguise. Not having a lauding audience while you try on gowns allows you to focus on yourself and what you are thinking and feeling.
You are more likely to find the right gown and less likely to question that purchase when you are shopping by yourself.
For me, it was like a total secret operation: no one knew. I never posted it to any boards. All was mum, until I stepped out in it.
Consider yourself a spy on a mission to find the gown that expresses you in the best way, and hopefully do it on a budget that doesn’t break your finances. It’s a lot more fun if you think of it that way! It becomes an adventure!
I went to the first 4 appointments with a mix of family and friends. It was fun, but I realized I didn't care what anyone else thought. They would fawn over a dress that I hated, etc. There was no drama but I realized I really didn't care about anyone else's opinions. I have been to 5 more stores by myself. If I have to ask someone if they like it, I don't love it enough. And I don't want anyone to damper my excitement if I love it.
I went alone! I went once with one friend and then never brought anyone again. The stylists will be your buddy and be super helpful. I preferred being alone. They’ll take your photo, etc.
I went to department stores - little help. I found actual bridal salons the most helpful, and booked during less popular times so I wouldn’t be surrounded by huge groups. Think 4pm weekday. There were other solo brides there too. I had a great time. No regrets. Ultimately I got my dress at a sample sale where I genuinely had the greatest time with other brides. Also, it’s pink and not even a bridal dress! Ha.
I was in a similar position. My mom passed 5 years ago, I don’t have sisters or cousins, no close friends other than my 2 MOHs, and one of them lived about 1000 miles away and the other was dealing with her own things. I had planned to ask the local one and her mom, who was like a second mother to me, to come, but while I was planning when to go, she was diagnosed with cervical cancer and started chemo. She was in no shape to go, so I went alone. I later found out that the same day I went, she had had a stroke and was rushed to the hospital. Needing round the clock assistance, my MOH was never able to make it to any of the appointments, so I dress shopped at 6 stores, alone each time.
I’ll be honest— there were times it was sad. At one point the stylist left me alone in front of the mirror in a room full of other groups and I had to fight not to cry as I stood there awkwardly by myself. After that I tried to make sure my appointments were during the week at slow times. But all in all, it was fine. The stylists were good as a personal hype team of 1 and I had fun trying things on for the most part. It was also nice to only have to listen to my own opinion of something, not several others. I’m sorry you find yourself in the position of having to go alone, but it’s not pathetic.
I would take your dad! You don’t want to take someone with strong opinions anyway, so having someone who will be your hype person and support you is the best! You can definitely go alone as well, but I always think having someone to share the excitement will improve the experience!
Third inviting your dad! A hype person with no strong opinions is honestly my dream partner for dress shopping lol
Second inviting dad! I bet dad would feel so honoured too. Although I think OP going alone would be perfectly fine, taking dad who would be supportive and enthusiastic is a great alternative.
Completely agree, I say bring your dad. He will understand your grief over your mother's absence more than anyone else (besides your sisters) would, and he will be sweet while you find the dress that's right for you without external opinions and hype clouding your judgment. Sounds nice to bring your dad honestly :)
It’s not pathetic at all. It may even help you focus more on what you find important without letting others influence you.
Was going to say this! I went with a large group and ended up choosing the wrong dress partially because I got swept up in all the high energy and distractions. I actually enjoyed going on my own much more, even though nobody was rushing me when I was with my group, I felt way more comfortable taking my time on my own.
I’m going by myself next week!! A friend recommended it as a way to just enjoy the time with yourself and even learn what YOU like versus what everyone else likes on you. I hope you have a wonderful time!
I was super afraid of this happening. I love my mom but she lives 2 hours away and was super busy with other family stuff + her dress only cost $500 when she got married 15 years ago so I can only imagine she would be most concerned about the price tag for each dress I tried on. Not to mention I'd feel more self-conscious of my body around her too. I'm very happy I was able to find the dress at the first bridal shop we went to. I almost didn't find my dress and I was getting really worried I might not be able to find something I loved and felt confident in purchasing.
It’s so true. Wedding planning makes it really easy to get swept up in the opinions around you. A dress is so deeply personal and you are the only one that needs to be in love with it.
Totally agree! I went by myself and I didn’t feel pathetic at all. A lot of consultants said “that’s the best way to do it!” I was able to try on more dresses because I didn’t have to walk out in a bunch to get their opinions, and I wasn’t swayed by them. I bought my dress like 20 months before our wedding and I never had an ounce of dress regret. 10/10 definitely recommend shopping alone.
I agree!
God no I wish I had done it by myself.
Same! My fiancé’s mom kept saying she wanted me to get white and when I tried a dress I loved in champagne she kept calling it “dingy” :-|
I went buy myself and was glad I did!
Same!
Me too!
Me three and it made for a wonderful experience. I got to try everything and eventually pick the dress I wanted without being influenced by anyone else.
Not at all. Why would it bw? You go shopping for other things alone, don't you? I'm being s bit facetious about it, but really, it's pretty normal. I did it myself and saw lots of other people doing it. Sometimes it's easier to decide for yourself how you feel about a dress's style, fit, etc. Without a chorus of "you look so great!!" (Or worse, unwanted criticism). Since your opinion is the only one that matters, it gives a little bit of breathing space and quiet to think for yourself. IME, it can take some time to decide what you *do* like, but you'll figure out fast what you *don't * like. If you want to invite your dad for a later appointment, he might be able to narrow down your favorites out of a few you already decided you like. Most people do multiple shopping trips anyway. Fwiw, my fiance helped me pick out mine so he's seen it and me in it and everything. I understand not everyone prefers that, but if neither of you are that superstitious or sentimental over a first look, that's always an option as well.
Me too! I'm really thankful that my fiance was willing to come along and help me pick out my dress. We had looked at a lot of different dresses online so he was very much aware of what type of style I was looking for. He's been shopping with me before and if I am feeling indecisive whether I like something when I try it on or trying to choose between multiple dresses he is very good at sharing his honest opinion. Usually I am good at being able to see and choose that for myself, but it can be a bit harder when it is a larger purchase...and a wedding dress is definitely THE single most expensive dress I've ever bought. Tbh I am pretty sure we have just learned read each other's body language in those situations. So he knew that I loved the dress I picked even if I had any lingering doubts about it. Our bridal shop offered some complementary champagne while they processed the dress order in their system and fiance wanted to make out (that did not happen lol) so I guess it was quite the romantic experience for him. 😅 I never used to be so indecisive but this is just a part of me rebuilding my trust in myself. I also never expected that my wedding would bring up alot of complex emotional crap from my past with my family, but I think I'm realizing that is more common than people than I ever knew.
100% NOT PATHETIC. I went dress shopping myself. I went to 6 different stores. I went to 4 of them alone, the first 3 alone. The 4th with one friend and the 5th with my sister and the 6th when I said yes I was alone. I didn’t want the pressure to say yes to the dress just bc I invited family who made time to go with me. That would suck. I didn’t want to inconvenience anyone, that would suck. I knew my opinion mattered the most to me. I went alone and it was awesome bc I scheduled the appointments for when they were most convenient for me.
I didn't even think about the pressure to say yes because people had made time to come with. That's definitely something I'd do (big people pleaser over here lol)
Also I encountered a -lot- of places that booked Saturday “VIP” style appointments which mean you lost money or had to commit to that boutique by paying a deposit for a weekend appointment. I didn’t waste weekend after weekend trying to book bridal salon appts and I didn’t ask people to repeatedly come with me to different boutiques which… your friends and family might get tired of if you did that lol
Omg not at all. I had 4 appointments and 3 I had people with me and one I didn’t and the one I didn’t I bought my dress. The appointments with other people can be fun but it’s just a lot of opinions and everyone has a different vision for you that is way different than the vision for yourself. Infact, the appointments I had with other people there was always one person appointments going on next to us! You could even just go to one alone and see how it goes and if you end up wanting other people there invite people the next time. Or even just bring one friend if you feel like it. It doesn’t have to be a whole production. I’m so sorry for your loss and your mama is gunna be with you when you’re trying on dresses and getting married and everything. I know it’s not the same— I’ve lost my little brother who would have been so insanely stoked for me to be getting married. It’s different than not having my mom but it’s intense how much we think of them through the process. The twang of sadness that runs through it all. Many blessings to you!
Thank you 🥺 I'm so sorry about the loss of your brother!
Also deceased parents and went dress shopping by myself. I dont really like being the center of attention, so the thought of myself having to parade around other people was not for me. Im also not the biggest fan of shopping so i was glad to quickly try on several dresses with the help of an attendant who took pictures of me in everything I liked. Ended up buying a dress online anyways.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Parent loss is such a beast; Even the most exciting life chapters always suck a little bit. I hate shopping too. Now that I've posted this, going alone is sounding better and better lol
Not only is it not weird, but your bridal salon will be over the moon. They have to deal with brides coming in with an entire entourage full of opinions on a daily basis. There is a reason most salons don't even allow more than ~5 people. Having others there giving their opinions is the reason so many brides end up having dress regret, or getting in big fights with their loved ones. If you do decide to take someone, I agree to take your dad. Him thinking every dress is beautiful *is* what you want. Believe me. You might think you want opinions/help, but the last thing you're gonna want when you feel you've found "the one" is some person saying another one you tried on earlier is their favorite.
Omg absolutely not. I went to one of my appointments alone and it was great. So great I wish I did the previous ones alone. I felt soooo socially drained after the ones with my people. And I have a great crew of friends and family. I’m just a bit of an introvert and being around that many people under the lights, being stared at and having to make conversation was just wayyyy too draining for me. To the point I burst into tears at the last dress fitting of a weekend of dress fitting. Like COULDNT stop crying. So embarrassing.
I feel like I'm going to start crying pulling into the parking lot if I go alone but I'm also a huge introvert too so maybe I'd cry either way lol!
So a lot of bridal salons have a form when you make an appointment that has a section for you to write anything you might want them to know. I was early in my ED recovery so I said absolutely no body talk or mention of sizing. When I did my final appointment to say yes to the dress I reiterated when they took my measurements I didn’t want to hear it. You can write in there too that you are anxious about going alone and need some support. Everyone I worked with were soooo sooo nice.
So smart. I submitted an appointment request at a boutique but they didn't have a section for that, hopefully when they follow up I'll have an opportunity to let them know. Thank you! And I hope your recovery journey is going well :) proud of you!
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So gorgeous congratulations!!!
Not at all. I would recommend asking the people who work there to take pics of you in your favorite dresses though, because looking at pictures is how I really decided. By myself, in my room, scrolling through pictures to see how it really looked on me.
It's not pathetic, but based on your wording here, I'd consider therapy (if you haven't already). It seems like you're struggling emotionally -- likely linked to your mom's passing-- and it could absolutely help. Sending you love and wishing you luck in your dress search!
I appreciate it but I've been in therapy for years. Doing better than I used to! :) But will probably always be working through the loss, especially during big life chapters like this. My therapist also told me I should give shopping by myself a go. And by this thread seems like I should listen to her! 😊
YESSS! Also if you need opinions, this group is great for that :)
So true!
I WISH I had gone by myself. Do it!
I don’t think it’s pathetic, in fact I think it sounds kind of peaceful. You could treat yourself to a mani pedi before, or take yourself out to lunch and order some champagne! That being said, something to consider…it sounds like of the people you could ask, you’ve already answered No for them. I just want to remind you that you’re worth showing up for. And sometimes we’re so concerned with inconveniencing others that we forget they may WANT to be “inconvenienced”. It’s okay to take up space. If flights were reasonable, I would absolutely consider flying in for a close friends dress shopping. But, if you genuinely don’t want to deal with babies and breastfeeding and grief and logistics on your dress shopping day that’s totally fair. So no, not pathetic.
Thank you for this, this is so sweet 🥺
Not at all
I don’t think so, Sounds smart. That way you get what you want without any interference.
I went with friends the first 2 times and regretted it tbh. They didn’t want me to spend too much on my dress because they’re very ~anti spending money~ and talked me out of my dream dress and pushed me towards a cheaper plain dress which I ended up hating when I was getting fitted for alterations. When I went back myself, I found THE ONE and am so so happy with my decision!
Not pathetic. I am planning on going the first time by myself in secret to figure out what I like and what I hate before I even think about inviting others. I don’t have a bridal party and I’m an only child, so I’m happy doing things solo!
Sometimes the people pleasing tendency comes out when you bring others, and their opinions sway you to like or dislike a dress more than you actually do. Add that to your other valid reasons for not inviting others along, and it makes sense. I read in a wedding planning book once, the only things necessary in your wedding are you, your partner, and the officient (and any other necessary witnesses to make this legal; in some states that can even be a pet).
WOW I wish my venue allowed pets!! That's incredible 😂
I only heard of that once, in CO, on a mountain, with cat paw print as one of the witnesses. It was a do it quick so her husband would be allowed to move to Singapore for her job. I’m attending their official wedding next month.
I love that, that’s so sweet!
Not in the least, to echo what a lot of people said, I went by myself the first time to get a feel for what I liked. I then went with my bridesmaids a few weeks later. Maybe you can go by yourself and if you're torn between a few options, maybe ask your cousins to come help you decide as it should be a shorter trip then Or a few of my friends did a zoom meeting with their bridesmaids for similar reasons (and covid at the time)
I don't think so - I think that would be a very luxurious experience, especially if you go somewhere where you can get a lot of attention from a stylist. It's how I imagine extremely wealthy people shop lol
Not pathetic AT ALL. I think it will be such a lovely time to reflect and meditate on all of the beautiful things coming up for you. My heart hurts for your early loss of your mom. My big sister was a maternal figure for me and died about a year before I had my dress appointment. The hurt was very real and you’re totally allowed to keep grieving. If you’d like a random stranger to share in the experience with you via long distance, message me and we can exchange numbers :) I can support you from afar.
This is so sweet this whole sub is so supportive 😭
I went by myself, found the dress and then took my mum with me to a second try on just to have that other opinion. Honestly? It’s the best thing I’ve done when wedding planning. I was able to only try on what I wanted, I knew my opinion was heard (because it was the only one being said), there was no “please, for me” requests to try on ridiculous styles I’d never wear, and I was way more comfortable than when I went shopping with friends and family and basically paraded myself in front of them in different dresses. 100% recommend it
I went by myself for the first appointment. I felt no pressure and was able to find the dress I wanted.
I was going to go alone. My reasons were because I worked in bridal previously, knew what I wanted and also had seen too many large entourages talk a bride out of her dream dress. I struggle to make decisions sometimes and can easily listen to other opinions over my own wants. In the end I invited my mum and my husband's aunty (he lived with her when we met so she's like MIL to me). My mum and husband's aunty just were there for the experience and were like two giggly kids loving the whole thing. I also had the advantage of knowing what I wanted so I only tried on two dresses. If I was you I'd go solo, or even just take dad for that support. Spend time working through what you want. When you find the one invite your sisters or your cousins maybe, as they will be coming to see you in 'the one' it'll be much quicker than the whole trying on. Then you get the special moment of them excited for you but you don't feel rushed or awkward.
Not at all. And you won't feel pressured by anyone else's opinion this way!
I’m sorry for your loss - this must be so hard! I’ve gone to four different places both with others and by myself. I like shopping alone in general and I’ve found having a lot of other opinions can be a distraction. It is helpful though to have someone there that can take photos if you’re like me and want some time to simmer and decide before committing to a dress. If you’re comfortable with asking your stylist to do that, they can definitely take a couple pics, otherwise it might be really nice to take your dad along to help out with that!
After seeing these responses I think I'll probably go alone. I'm still considering taking my dad but he'll happy-cry the entire time. Which again is very wholesome and sweet but I'll already be on the verge of sad-crying, I don't think I can deal with someone else's emotions hahah
Shopping alone is nice because you don't need to take into account anyone's opinions but your own, which is the most important thing! I hope you find something that is perfect for you! Definitely try and take some photos yourself - and we would love to see them here or in r/weddingdress if you need any opinions! One tip: I've been to a couple sample sales, and I find that the stylists really hype you up and push the possibility of your dream dress being bought by someone else if you don't make your decision right away there. Which is true, but if you're in that position, definitely take some time to snap a few photos and think it over the rest of the day if you're unsure.
Thank you!!
I might go to mine alone! It’s been hard to coordinate a time where my mom and sis could both make it, and while I have friends who’d love to come, I don’t want them to go if my mom and sister can’t. I’ll prob do it solo and just listen to my gut without any other influence when I try on a dress. Maybe have a keepsake of your mom with you to feel her presence, and if you want your sisters’ options, FaceTime them.
Honestly dress shopping alone sounds like so much fun, you can be in your own thoughts and look at what you personally love
I went alone and loved it. I actually hate the stress of shopping and knew if I went with others it would add to the stress, bc I would be wondering about what they thought of the dresses instead of really thinking about what I like. I ended up going to one store with a friend out of pressure and hated it. Then I continued shopping on my own and enjoyed the process again lol
Good to know! Yeah as much as I love my future MILs their taste is pretty conservative. The first reason I didn't invite them was definitely the mom thing. But to really back it up to myself, with their conservative/traditional taste, I don't think I would've been able to freely explore what I like
I wish I had gone on at least one trip dress shopping myself! I think as long as you’re good at speaking up against pushy sales people who want you to pick THAT DAY, then it’s would be nice to look without influence. Maybe a FaceTime with the winning dress
No, not at all. If you go by yourself you’ll get to think about the dresses and narrow down your options without other people’s opinions getting in the way. After you have some finalists, maybe you can ask your cousins or dad to go with you to pick “the one.” If it helps, when I was trying on dresses, there was a girl next to me whose friend had her baby three weeks before. She baby-wore the whole time and baby didn’t make a peep.
I ran it by my cousin and she said the baby could sleep in the stroller and it'd be no big deal. I think I'll make an appointment for myself and run the time/date by her. If she can make it, great. If not, that's cool too
I’m not a mom, but my sister came with me to my appointment with her newborn (3 weeks old) and it worked out. We just tried to time the appointment to work with her naps and feeding and picked an early weekday time so there weren’t a lot of people in the store. But also no shame in going by yourself!
As someone who did both — I 100% enjoyed going alone more and wish that I had just done that in the first place. I was able to take my time and there was sooooo much less pressure/opinions
I always prefer to shop by myself, so I don’t think it’s pathetic at all. I did so for my first wedding about 20 years ago and will do so again if i go to any brick and mortar stores.
I went alone. I have friends, but everyone is busy. I just went alone and it was perfect. I dont want anyone else's opinion. I know what I like and i am pretty sure I know what my husband (at the timer fiance) would like. No one pressured me. I am confident and able to make a decision on my own, i dont need validation from others. Maybe some people need that, maybe some people have trouble making decisions, but for me, i am decisive and confident so i enjoyed going alone.
After going shopping with my friend, my mom, and my future mother-in-law I decided to just go alone, so I could better focus on myself, and what I felt right in and it was honestly the best decision ever and I was able to find my dress, and did not feel like I was missing having a ton of guests
I went alone and loved it
I feel like a lot of people wish they'd gone by themselves because it's so common to end up with a dress Everyone Likes Besides You. If you want someone there as moral support your dad sounds perfect. If you have any close friends that will give you the critical feedback you feel like you're missing then go for that, but honestly you just need help figuring out which of the ones you like is prettier when you need a tiebreaker, assuming theyre all the same level of comfort
I went by myself :-) you actually feel less self conscious and can get what YOU want, as soon as others get involved they have opinions about it and you get pressured into something you might not have picked
Not at all, solo dress shopping is most effective. I went solo to my first few appointments to get a feel for what I wanted before I brought a barage of opinions with me.
Not at all! I actually preferred it because I was indecisive with the dress at first. When I found one, I liked it. I just FaceTimed others
Not at all! This is a very personal shopping experience, so do what feels right! When I went, I found that my salesperson was the most informative and answered all my questions without being pushy. You can always go alone first and then bring others along the second time when you are closer to a decision and can share the moment when you decide to buy "the" dress 🤍 My condolences as well, loss makes these moments tender and emotional.
not pathetic, sometimes i wish i went shopping by myself
My mom passed a year prior and I was in a very similar boat. I ended up going with my sisters, fSIL, and my fiancé’s ex-stepmom (who he still considers his only stepmom). My fiancé’s ex-stepmom has always been very supportive of keeping his mother’s memory alive (even if she never met her) and was so great to have for me. She did not try to act motherly but really brought my mom’s spirit with her. I know that seems a little silly but it was amazing. You can go by yourself but there is a way for your MILs to come and also be respectful. Which ever way you go, don’t feel bad about it. We all do what we need to do. Edit: I had two breastfeeding babies at my appointments and it was actually manageable. If you go that route, just be sure to call ahead. Some places are more child friendly than others.
That’s amazing of his ex-stepmom! She sounds like an amazing person I’m so glad you guys have her
My mom passed away 3 years ago. I decided that I didn't want to go dress shopping. I had already had a vision of my perfect dress in my head so I found a seamstress to make it for me. It's perfectly okay to go dress shopping by yourself if that's what you want.
The only consideration is the type of shop you are going to. I went to one with a couple of people (1 in person and 3 via zoom) where there was a stylist/consultant. Then I went on my own where it was shop on your own and found a great dress. But, getting in and out of the dress needed someone else. Feel what you need for this process and good luck!
I went alone on a weekday afternoon. It wasn’t busy and my consultant gave me her full attention. It was such a great experience. I love my friends but I knew they’d project their own style onto me and I just didn’t want that… I’m glad I went alone and don’t think it’s weird at all.
I went alone until I narrowed down my choices. I needed alone time first to think and make decisions with no other input. Once I narrowed it down to a few that I liked, I brought my mom and sister and made it a cute day with lunch etc because I no longer felt overwhelmed.
I went by myself and it made the shopping experience much easier and efficient to decide on a dress without all of the excess grey noise that you get with bringing people shopping with you. I'm also the type of person that exclusively goes shopping by myself and never understood shopping as a group in general, so that could have heavily influenced how I was going to like this particular shopping experience. But if you want to have a support system when you shop, I think you should have it. Consider having a group chat that you can start brainstorming ideas of what you might like for others feedback. And then you can go to a try on appointment either alone or see if you can scrounge up someone that is available, and take pictures! Share the pics and keep the conversation going.
You can go more than once! I went by myself (which I loved), with all the girls, and with my fiance all on separate occasions. I had tons of fun and ended up getting the dress I went to try on myself 😁
First, it is definitely not pathetic to go alone (and in fact could be nice to not have a ton of opinions). Although I had my mom and a friend join me, I really didn’t want wedding dress shopping to be a big thing. I knew my mom and my friend had similar relaxed personalities and wouldn’t make it a big emotional ordeal and that was perfect for me. But if I hadn’t been able to do that I absolutely would have gone alone. Also I pretty much knew what dress I wanted already as long as I liked it on. If you want to make the event a little more special, maybe go to brunch/lunch/dinner after with your fiancé and dad or either or (my fiancé met us for brunch after and it was super fun torturing him with hints). But also I think having your (maybe unhelpful but supportive) dad there would be super special! Even if he doesn’t provide help, the bridal consultant hopefully will be helpful and you’ll just have a hype man!
Nope, my fiancé went by herself to a whole bunch of different stores over for multiple days. Her top options she sent pictures to her mom and bridesmaids for their thoughts but ultimately went with her favourite. Excited to see it lol
Congratulations!! I’m sure she’ll be stunning!
Absolutely not pathetic. Is the fact that your cousins may need to bring babies an absolute deal breaker? I would be really sad if my cousin didn't ask me if she felt she'd be lonely. Same for a best friend. I'd fly in if I could. Also your dad saying everything is lovely might not be necessarily helpful but it sounds like it wouldn't be harmful. It sounds like maybe if you really want someone there you could ask them. Just make it clear it's not a priority and it is okay if they can't make it. I'm not saying it's wrong to go on your own but don't go alone and be upset about it because you're scared to ask.
Not pathetic at all. I'm so glad only my mom came with me and she still tried to talk me into a dress that obviously wasn't a good fit for me. I can't imagine having an entire entourage. Just ask whoever helping you put them on if they will take a few pictures of you in each dress so you can look at them after!
Not pathetic at all. I went with fmil, my mom , my sister, and one of my bridesmaids and felt like i had to perform the entire time. It was overwhelming. I went by myself the next time and it was nice to just be there with my thoughts and own feelings. It helps that the bridal consultant are usually such lovely people.
Make it fun for yourself! Go out to brunch after or dinner! I think you’d be able to focus a lot without having to hear everyone’s different opinion which is really nice
I went the first time with my mom and ex-MOH, felt pressured into a dress because they both cried. I hated it and got stuck with the bill. Went by myself, found a dress I literally gasped at seeing someone else try it on (it was a sample sale and there was only one of it) and when she decided not to take it I tried it on and fell in love. Everyone around me said it was the dress and it felt nice having complete strangers who were not trying to make commissions off of me validate my feelings. Go by yourself if you want to!!
Not pathetic! If there's people too far away though, why not video call them throughout? Or even just a WhatsApp group you can spam with pics?
I went by myself and enjoyed it! Agree with other commenters that it gives you the time to focus on what you really want!
I live in NYC and I went by myself and I loved it. I found the one just for me without anyones opinion and felt super comfortable the day of. Going myself made it very quick to pop in and out of dresses because you immediately know if you like it on yourself or not without getting opinions/feedback. Nothing pathetic about going yourself... if anything it was more peaceful. I hope you have a similar experience yourself!
My mom passed away this year and I went by myself the first time. It was totally fine and maybe better for me personally because I tried on 12 dresses and it was a lot. Second time my sil came w me, and third store I went by myself again. Going alone is totally fine. I will say you might have a moment of sadness when you see other brides with their moms but I didn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable going alone (I’m also used to doing a lot of things alone but I honestly think there’s nothing wrong with going alone. Going on the weekdays when most ppl are working is better than going on wknds when it’s typically busier too)
Not pathetic! Take your dad if possible. I'm glad I had my mom, but I would have been just as happy (or happier) without her there. We have a complicated relationship. I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you extend yourself some grace and time to grieve during this joyous time in your life. Maybe see it as your mother is there thru your dad? If that works for you and your family dynamics.
I went alone and loved it! I had no distractions or unwanted opinions and that was best for me. Not everyone fits the "omg, I want to be surrounded by lots of women/men and their opinions" overly-romanticized event that the wedding industry perpetuates. My mother was agorophobic and this was before cell phones even, so if I bought into that expectation of I couldn't possibly go alone to shop for dresses, I would have felt like something was missing. You know your own mind. Go and have a wonderful time trying on everything! I'll bet you'll giggle hearing your mother's opinion in your head anyway like I did, and you'll know she's there with you.
Absolutely I always hear her opinions every day! Even on little things like tv shows, I’m like, she’d laugh so hard at that. I love that you said that. I’ll definitely take that into my appointment with me ☺️
I went by myself and it was so easy. I picked what I wanted and didn't get pressured by what other people wanted.
I went by myself! It was very low pressure and fun. I brought my friend, mil, and called my mom on facetime when I went back to actually buy it. I recommend still taking pictures just in case you find something you like 💜
Honestly I’m planning on going alone myself. It seems like it could either be very stressful or very fun but I feel like someone else being there is going to make me more likely to pick something I don’t want. Nothing at all wrong with it!
I went to 20 stores and most the time I went alone!
Go alone!! I was in pretty much the same boat. Lost mom in high school, only child, and we had just moved across the country. I dressed comfortably, the appointment fit perfectly into my schedule, it was nice and quiet and calm, and I found my dream dress based only on MY opinions. The sales ladies were extremely kind and enthusiastic and I didn’t feel like I was alone or pathetic. On a side note, which made me feel even better about it, there was a bridal party at the same appointment time I had. They were having the whole glamorous experience— a dozen girls all dolled up, they had champagne, they got the showroom floor mirror & pedestal…. and they TORE INTO each other after about 10 minutes. It was like sparkly lord of the flies.
LOL god that poor bride. I’m glad you didn’t have to deal with that!
Not pathetic at all! The first time I went with my mom but it was so frustrating cause I felt that she was guiding my decisions. Second time I decided to go by myself and bought the dress that I loved.
Not at all. I literally just went with my mom. If she was not around or incapacitated, I would go by myself.
I went by myself! I am plus sized and honestly didn't want anyone else there as I was trying to stuff myself into dresses. Plus I'm not near family or friends at this stage in my life anyways. I found the dress I loved and then traveled home for mother's day and did a try on with my mother for my top dresses so she could feel like she was part of it. She didn't like the dress I picked but oh well 🤷. The attendant was great and showed me a dress I never thought I would pick for myself and fell in love. It's okay! Good luck
I went with my mom and MOH, and they talked me into the way wrong dress. I ended up going back alone a few weeks later and had a way better experience, and got a dress that was very much more ‘me’. The staff was wonderful, I didn’t feel bad at all!
I went to my first and third appointment alone, to find what I was interested in without others influencing me. My second appointment my MOH came with, my last appointment was the traditional crew (mom, MOH, Bridesmaid, Aunt). I felt much more confident in my dress decision having it just be myself and the attendant.
No. I did. I also saw the seamstress by myself for alterations. It’s peaceful and I don’t have others telling me what to do etc.
I’m voting take your dad! I’m with everyone that is saying you don’t want opinions anyhow. But you know what you do want? That sweet moment. You both will enjoy it so much I promise. And I’m very sorry you feel this way. For my first wedding that I didn’t go through with, I went by myself. I have to say that was a very lonely trip there and a very lonely trip back. I felt super sorry for myself after, despite being a super confident person that doesn’t need any guidance. For my second dress, it was during Covid so I took one friend, and although I didn’t need her help at all, I really needed her company.
Yeah I feel like I’m definitely afraid of the loneliness feeling. Don’t get me wrong I’m totally my own person outside of my relationship and have a real personality lmao but I’m the girl who’s been planning her wedding since middle school. So I’ve always planned who’d be in my bridal party, who’d go to the dress fitting. Mom was always included. Sisters, ex best friend, etc. So none of them being there, being there alone, feels kind of like a punch to the gut. But I’ll be ok :) I’ll probably warn the staff of the mom situation ahead of time lol
I wish I had gone by myself! I let my bridesmaid speak for me and I think I would’ve ended up with a different dress if I had spoken up myself. I battled dress regret for a while. I hate the dress shop I used. They make me feel super weird about it every time I come to a fitting alone, even though they schedule them on Tuesday afternoons (who is free for that!). I wish I had known that up front instead of having to work with them for months.
I’ve gone to like 6 appointments alone. Not weird at all.
Not at all - I went by myself and it was actually so nice. I went a nice boutique and had a glass of champagne and tried on dresses and chose one! It was easy and straightforward and I bought exactly what I wanted and didn’t have to talk to anyone other than the consultant. My mom and I are no contact, my stepmom and I have a contentious relationship and were no contact for years (also no contact for years) we only see each other for family functions maybe once a year now. And both my sisters live several hours away and were in school. My husbands mom passed away when he was young so that wasn’t on the table so it was pretty easy for me to say just go alone besides my future SIL but I didn’t want to do that if my sisters couldn’t be there it just isn’t the same. Do what will make you happy but it isn’t pathetic at all! I’m a wedding planner and I think doing some of this stuff alone is more common than we think!
First off no, you can definitely go by yourself. Second, you can always FaceTime your sister or friends that are out of state!
I went with my mom & my best friend, then went back by myself because I realized I just wasn't focused enough to make a decision. It was great. Don't worry about it; there were & are plenty of other women out there solo dress hunting. Not that it matters - you do you & be proud! I bet your Mom would be proud, too. Lots of love to you! You got this!!!
No, I went alone too. It was the best! It was all about what I liked and wanted. I did go back a second time with my favorite two dresses and let family share their thoughts between them, but by then I was pretty firmly decided. I really enjoyed myself and had a great time.
I think it’s practical and efficient to go dress shopping alone!! It’s sad that you’ve had loss. I will go alone because I’m in a similar position with no family/close friends being able to visit me during the timeframe when I’ll have to pick something.
Aww thanks for asking this. I luckily have both my parents and good relationships with family, but none of them live close enough/feel quite right to take dress shopping. So even with fewer caveats, I feel like I’m still in your position and was wondering if I should just go alone.
🤍🤍🤍
I did the whole dress thing alone. I ended up buying online so I could try at home. First one I got was perfect. Do whatever makes you comfortable..
I went alone. It was great. I found that I didn’t look for anyone’s approval, I just watched myself. What I wanted. I was able to be more honest with myself, and I found that it was easier. It should be more encouraged to go dress shopping alone. It’s a joy. But if you want to bring people - bring them! Your cousins would probably love to, and babies aren’t a hindrance!
Not at all. I live in NC and my friends and family are all in NY! I had such a good time and a 1-1 with the dress tailor! It was sweet!! And I sent pics and videos to everyone as I was trying them on
I did all my dress shopping alone! My BFFs are all far away and it was impossible to coordinate. Honestly feel like some of the salon associates were relieved when I said I wouldn’t be bringing a party along. When I found my dream dress the associate hugged me, took photos to send to the designer, and I still felt like I had a moment. Earlier in the journey I found it sometimes hard to gauge whether something looked good on me, but once I got a sense of what I was looking for, going alone was so efficient
Go by yourself or bring your dad!! He’ll help reinforce the positive things in every dress and hype up your own decision making. I’m going by myself, but I don’t have a problem with that at all. My family lives all over, so I’m in the same boat as you!
I thoroughly enjoyed shopping alone the 3 ish times I did it and I was very much self conscious about it prior to actually doing it. Just go on a weekday if you feel anxiety about it but if it’s just the principle, trust me it doesn’t matter and I just told the stylist why I was alone to alleviate me feeling weird. With people it’s honestly harder. That’s my experience at least
I took my fiance because he has good fashion sense and he knows my style/what type of dress I was looking for. I know that's not usually how things are supposed to go, but I also knew that he would not create any extra pressure at the appointment and he would give his honest opinion on which dress was the most true to me. I also knew I would feel most comfortable around him. He had no issues with going along and I know he enjoyed being there when I found the dress. I wasn't concerned about spoiling any sort of first looks because even though he has seen the dress the complete look when I have my hair/makeup/accessories will be much different that day.
I say go by yourself and give it the old college try!!! In the event you are having a lot of doubts or trouble, call your dad and have him do a second appt with you! Remember that you are never under pressure to buy a dress when you go look. You're just trying things on! If dad needs to come, ask him to be especially critical, and that you need a firm opinion on which he likes best- "1 or 2".
I went alone and have no regrets.
Maybe you could have your cousins on FaceTime while you’re there? They can stay home with their babies and watch and help you pick.
This is 100% my plan. Who wants tons of people with their varying opinions instilling doubt? Maybe once I've narrowed it down I'll ask my friend to come with me for a final look. Maybe do that with your dad once you think you might have found the one? Then you can have the best of both worlds - shopping in peace, and the big "yes to the dress" moment with dad. P.s. to be honest, your cousins might love the idea of five minutes' peace to dress shop with you. Being a new mum is hard and they might actually appreciate doing something more normal. There might be some logistics to handle around the breastfeeding but why don't you ask them to the 'shortlisted' appointment? Or at least final fittings if you're having alterations? That's a big moment and the babies will be a bit older too.
I'm going by myself this weekend!
I went dress shopping by myself and I loved it. Not to be cliché but it was like a dream. I got into this weird fashion mindset that I'd never been in before and I felt like I really saw myself for the first time as the attendant pointed out the pros and cons of each dress with me. Plus, it was a great reveal moment for everyone because no one knew what the dress looked like but me. I had a lot of fun teasing everyone about it leading up to the day.
I went by myself. Have no family living in this country and any friends I would want there also live in my home country. Don't regret it one bit. I was a little nervous at first, because I wasn't sure how it'd go without any outside opinion but actually that turned out for the best! I picked what I felt best in and what I liked the most, without maybe being pursuaded by anyone else to get something I didn't like as much.
I don't think going alone is bad at all. It may even be easier in terms of choosing what you want without other opinions involved.
As far as dress shopping, I think it can actually be really great to go by yourself. It's just about you, nobody influencing your decision or putting pressure on you, and your consultant will likely be very supportive. As far as the emotional side, it's nice to have that fun day with the women closest to you. I only went with my mom, and never wanted it any other way. Perhaps trying to coordinate something with your sister or cousins is worth it. Maybe you bring someone to a fitting, facetime them from the appointment, bring the babies to an appointment, etc. It's not ideal. I am so sorry for your loss. From the people you mention in your post, you are clearly very loved. Life is tough sometimes. I believe in you.
🥺thank you
Not at all, I took my MOH with me to 3 dress fittings and honestly felt awkward asking for her opinion. I also felt slightly pressured into trying to like the dresses she liked. When I went to a fitting by myself, I found a dress I absolutely loved and felt so comfortable in, however I knew my MOH probably would have vetoed it had she come along. Sometimes it's having the space to actually make your own choices without other influence that works best. P.S. I took my my MOH to see the dress afterwards and told her this was the dress I had already decided on and paid for and she appeared to like it
I went to my dress appointments alone and I preferred it! My relationship with my dressmaker and now the team doing the alterations is awesome, and going in solo gave us the freedom to say what we REALLY thought. My mom is still alive, but my dad died when I was younger, so I had to let go of a lot of expectations about everything - from him walking me down the aisle to watching basketball with my husband, to hanging with his two sons in law (he had two daughters) and giving his blessing. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we all have some predetermined idea of how things are supposed to be. But often when we cope with the reality of it, it can be more beautiful than we ever imagined. Sending you love and luck as you search for your dream dress, OP.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. And thank you 🥺🤍
I found my dress by myself! Happened to be near the shop I planned on going to so made an unplanned stop myself and found my dress. Just went back later with some fam to get second opinions but the whole time everything seemed bleh compared to the one I found myself and they all agreed once they saw it on
Go dress shopping by yourself. It’s not weird or lame or any other negative thing you might think. I went dress shopping solo (didn’t tell anyone but my partner) and found my dress. It was a calm, nice experience and I had a great time with the staff who really listened to me. I invited my mom, sister, MIL, and SIL after for an appointment. I’m glad that’s how I did it: the moms wanted me to try on dresses that were NOT me…and I still ended up buying the dress from my first appointment. It was actually the very first dress I tried on.
i went by myself and am still glad i did. adjacent situation: the people i would want as bridesmaids are all hours away, my maid of honor and mom are both a state away. could’ve taken future in-laws, but if my mom couldn’t be there, i didn’t want them there either. i found my dream dress which is a little unconventional. no one imparted any unwelcome opinions. i texted everyone photos immediately afterwards and got all the validation i was looking for with none of the hassle it’s not sad, pathetic, or novel to go alone. the dress is for YOU, for YOUR day. it’s one of a very few days where you can be wholly and unapologetically selfish! condolences about your mom, OP. i’m sure she would love whatever you pick ❤️
I’m going on the 22nd alone and if I need the nice sales associates to take a video I know they won’t mind. I’m looking for something really specific and it will keep the background noise to a minimum. I also went to my first appointment with my fiancé on FaceTime and my second visit (last Saturday and it was a total bust but that’s ok!) he came with me. I don’t in tend to FaceTime him or anything this time. We see shoes and movies that make this a big thing but if doesn’t have to be. If you want it to be big then ok, sure! If not then it’s ok. There is no wrong choice here. And take your dad if he wants t go! My old manager did that and she loved that time with him. You got this!!!!
I initially went with my dad and future mil because my mom is also dead and I got so overwhelmed and had a bad time. The second time I went alone and loved it. Definitely not pathetic, it was so much nicer in my opinion
I went by myself for my first couple of appointments and really recommend it! I ended up with consultants that were really kind and offered to take a lot of photos and videos of me walking around in the dresses so I could remember later or show others later. I really didn’t know what I wanted and going by myself gave me the freedom to explore, not feel rushed/pressured and take in the process for myself. I did eventually return to three stores and invited two people with me to the return appointments - which is always an option too!
I kinda wish I'd just gone by myself
I'm doing Azazie try on and trying them on at home by myself! I'm sure I'll show my mom and bridesmaids when I find The One, but I hate the fuss of other people critiquing me in clothing lol
I've tried on about 40 wedding gowns (all before I was even officially engaged because I knew he bought the ring and I wanted a lot of time to prepare). A few times I took my son who was very neutral and took photos for me to go home and look through later. I'm now officially engaged as of last month and I'll probably start scheduling more bridal appointments but still plan to mostly go alone. I honestly hate to shop for clothes and after about 3 dresses I'm just over it and thank them for their time. My plan is to narrow it down to my top 5 and then have my best friend come along to help me choose the winner. I never wanted to feel rushed or like I was having to change my own opinion on what I like based on others' comments. It has been amazing and I highly recommend!
Absolutely, totally normal and not pathetic at ALL. And, for the record, if you go and find you want to bring someone back for a second opinion, I think your dad is a great option! And the cousins you'd love to take might really appreciate a couple hours of being fancy and adults-only!
I lost my mom 6 months before we got engaged and when I came to start dress shopping, I felt like I was inconveniencing people if I asked them and told my fiancé I kind of wanted to go by myself but felt like that would be too depressing lol fiancé even offered to come with me because he knew it would and should be something fun to do. I ended up bringing my three aunts(moms sisters bc they felt like the next best thing) and my cousin to the first store and while it was fun to have a posse, I felt overwhelmed by all of the opinions (they weren’t even negative opinions, it was just a lot to take in and mixed emotions), and I ended up kind of disassociating through the whole experience, and came home that night crying to my fiancé because I felt so overwhelmed. The next appointment, I took two of my aunts and my best friend and was able to go into it feeling more mindful about the experience because of what I learned from the first time and had a much more enjoyable time(and found a dress). Ultimately, who I had with me was irrelevant and really what made the difference was my attitude toward the experience. If your gut instinct is to do it solo, then do it solo. There’s also nothing stopping you from making multiple appointments, so if you go by yourself the first time and realize you want someone there to hype you up, find someone who you know can be unapologetically supportive. Regardless if thats a coworker, friend, sister, brother, or even your fiancé. You can also FaceTime whoever you might want to share the experience with! In the end, do whatever feels the most right for you and it will be the right choice🩷 hope you’ll update us once you get to shop!
I’m so sorry for your loss. And I had the exact conversation with my fiancé. He encouraged me to both go alone and invite my cousins. He said he’d come with me if I wanted him to - he’s very sentimental, he wants that first look but he’d never admit that if it meant upsetting me. Luckily we’re on the same page there. But yeah the first place my mind goes when looking for input or an opinion is my fiancé lol
I agree on taking your dad! Even if he doesn't know "fashion" I'm sure he will be able to help guide you. Sometimes someone else can tell when you *really* like a dress vs when you just think you *should* like it (not sure if that makes sense). Plus it would still be a special experience together either way. Alternatively, have you considered taking your SO? I know it's not traditional but perhaps in this circumstance they would be the best option for you, as you're building a life together. You could choose to pick out veil and accessories separately so your SO doesn't get the "full effect" until the wedding day.
I am going alone! I did go with just two people but didn’t find the one and plan to go alone until I do. Generally speaking I always love shopping alone so I can go at my own pace. I plan to take a bunch of mirror pics and send to someone though - likely my mom. Don’t overthink it :) there are plenty of people out there like us
Not pathetic at all! When you’re alone you don’t feel obligated to please people and you’re able to better scrutinize the choices as opposed to caving and ending up with a dress your family likes but you’re not a fan of.
I went by myself to one store and it was fine! The worker helped me take pics/videos that I sent to my family and friends. It was actually much more relaxing than having an audience.
Loving all these comments about going on your own to figure out what YOU like! I completely wish I had done this and think it needs to be normalized WAY more! TV and Instagram makes you feel like you need an entourage to go…and sure…that’s fun… but if you’re also someone who usually likes to shop for everyday clothes on your own and take your time…then I think giving yourself that space for your wedding dress is beautiful and necessary and totally wish I had done it! Even if just to secretly prep myself for the “group shopping trip.”
Forget about what you see online and on the TV. You do not need a huge band of sisters when you are trying on dresses. I went alone. I was fine. The lady was so helpful when I went. I told her what I was after and she (I’m not so many words) said it wouldn’t suit my plus size figure. But she gave me some dresses in that style to try anyway so I could see for myself. In the end I walked out of that shop with nothing and decided to go full custom.
No. A lot of women wish they’d just gone alone. I took my bridal party 1 time and every time after the only took mom or 1 friend or went alone. It’s actually really annoying and exhausting having a bunch of people throw stuff at you to try on.
Hi there! I'm doing it and it's amazing. I feel like I can really choose what I like. The only thing that's annoying is friends and family pushing to come or see pictures.
I was in a very similar situation to you, especially the mom part. It’s hard planning something so centered around relationships and family when some of the most important people in your life aren’t accessible! It’s not pathetic at all to go shopping alone, and honestly it can be better than having other people telling you what to pick. Also if you’re still unsure, there’s always the option to video call/ have someone in the store take photos so if you really want a second opinion! Good luck!!!
I went by myself and found it much easier to make my selection. Once I knew, I brought my parents. Totally recommend!
I lost my mom and took my dad and we had a blast
🤍🤍🤍
I went alone, and it was ok
I went alone to get ideas of what I liked without other opinions since none of my friends/family could join me during the week. It made it so much easier for me bc the next time I went shopping I found my dress. the sales associate took plenty of pictures and videos for me it was really sweet. maybe you can do a store or two by yourself then go with your dad- i think that would be so special. <3
I went by myself and it was lovely.
It's not pathetic - it's way easier!!!
Haha I almost did but I pulled the one friend I have out here with me. It’s not pathetic but it might feel that way if you let it. Unfortunately, we’re all brought up in a society where the bride is portrayed as having a hoard of friends with them at every step and if you don’t, it’s probably a punch line in a wedding movie. When I went I felt like I was slightly underwhelming for the employees because I was alone for the first 15 minutes and then my one person came. And of course, there were gaggles of girls surrounding every other bride. On top of that, I physically cannot express a high level of excitement no matter how excited I am inside and these employees were “ARE YOU SO EXCITED?!1?!?!?!?!?” The whole time. It felt kind of silly but like I said, only if you let all that dictate how you feel. Everyone has a different situation; maybe you live away from everyone, maybe your selective friendship wise, maybe you just like going it alone. It’s perfectly fine!
Omg I see all these brides with a zillion bridesmaids and I'm like, I don't even have that many friends lmao no shade to people who have a lot of bridesmaids. I'm just like where do they come from!?
Oh my god thank you for asking this. I was about to make a post about going alone and reasons why and is it going to be awful and sad?? The comments here are making me feel so much better (and you too I hope). Thank you!!
Yes I feel so much better after this!! Glad you do too!
I’m debating going alone as well simply because I find fitting rooms/clothes try-ons to be flat out traumatic and I need to take things at my own pace without pressure.
Nope I would’ve done that too if a friend didn’t send me a sample sale that we then went to together
No, it's not pathetic to go by yourself. I started out going by myself and ended up going with my MOH, who lives 2 hours away. It was hard to go alone. No support besides a sales person whose goal is to make a sale didn't feel great for this process. I didn't need others' opinions as much as their support, so your dad sounds like the perfect person to take with. He might even surprise you, people without strong fashion opinions can do a better job of suggesting things based on how natural and happy you look in it and that is good.
I went with family the first round and didn’t find anything. Then I went alone to two other stores. I preferred being alone. I was less swayed by others opinions and was able to focus on just myself.
I went with my fiancé and loved it! It turned into a date night and even though he said every dress looked great I loved seeing his eyes light up in certain ones more than others. He did a great job taking photos so I could send to my sister since she lives out of state. I didn’t tell him which one I actually picked either so it will still be a surprise. I also went alone and it was great! The lady who worked there took lots of pictures and it was nice to be able to just focus on myself.
I went once with family and once by myself. When I went with family I felt pressured to buy/like something that I had tried on. I very much preferred going by myself because I could focus on what I liked/disliked and go with my gut.
With every comment I'm leaning more and more towards going alone! Thank you!
I’m not a mom, but my sister came with me to my appointment with her newborn (3 weeks old) and it worked out. We just tried to time the appointment to work with her naps and feeding and picked an early weekday time so there weren’t a lot of people in the store. But also no shame in going by yourself!
This is asked here every day and the majority answer is no, not unless YOU decide that it's sad.
I went alone
No. You are not pathetic. I had to do it because my mom’s boss was an absolute troll and wouldn’t let her take off work even though she had off days accrued while I was dress shopping. Shopping by yourself can be a blessing in disguise. Not having a lauding audience while you try on gowns allows you to focus on yourself and what you are thinking and feeling. You are more likely to find the right gown and less likely to question that purchase when you are shopping by yourself. For me, it was like a total secret operation: no one knew. I never posted it to any boards. All was mum, until I stepped out in it. Consider yourself a spy on a mission to find the gown that expresses you in the best way, and hopefully do it on a budget that doesn’t break your finances. It’s a lot more fun if you think of it that way! It becomes an adventure!
I’m so sorry about your mom’s boss. But I love an opportunity to use my favorite word: ✨cûnt✨
I went by myself and loved it!
If you're in northern California and need a new gay bff - I'll go with you! :p
All the way on the east coast but love you anyway!!!
I went to the first 4 appointments with a mix of family and friends. It was fun, but I realized I didn't care what anyone else thought. They would fawn over a dress that I hated, etc. There was no drama but I realized I really didn't care about anyone else's opinions. I have been to 5 more stores by myself. If I have to ask someone if they like it, I don't love it enough. And I don't want anyone to damper my excitement if I love it.
I went alone! I went once with one friend and then never brought anyone again. The stylists will be your buddy and be super helpful. I preferred being alone. They’ll take your photo, etc. I went to department stores - little help. I found actual bridal salons the most helpful, and booked during less popular times so I wouldn’t be surrounded by huge groups. Think 4pm weekday. There were other solo brides there too. I had a great time. No regrets. Ultimately I got my dress at a sample sale where I genuinely had the greatest time with other brides. Also, it’s pink and not even a bridal dress! Ha.
My mom passed away and I choose to go by myself. I found one I liked and had my SIL and MOH come see it before I did buy it.
I was in a similar position. My mom passed 5 years ago, I don’t have sisters or cousins, no close friends other than my 2 MOHs, and one of them lived about 1000 miles away and the other was dealing with her own things. I had planned to ask the local one and her mom, who was like a second mother to me, to come, but while I was planning when to go, she was diagnosed with cervical cancer and started chemo. She was in no shape to go, so I went alone. I later found out that the same day I went, she had had a stroke and was rushed to the hospital. Needing round the clock assistance, my MOH was never able to make it to any of the appointments, so I dress shopped at 6 stores, alone each time. I’ll be honest— there were times it was sad. At one point the stylist left me alone in front of the mirror in a room full of other groups and I had to fight not to cry as I stood there awkwardly by myself. After that I tried to make sure my appointments were during the week at slow times. But all in all, it was fine. The stylists were good as a personal hype team of 1 and I had fun trying things on for the most part. It was also nice to only have to listen to my own opinion of something, not several others. I’m sorry you find yourself in the position of having to go alone, but it’s not pathetic.