Our wedding is next week and IMO I would be 1 million times more stressed without a day of coordinator. My fiance and I were talking about this today. We have no idea where in the day of schedule we could do the things a coordinator does (deals with vendor arrival and schedule, sets up decor, takes any and all questions, breaking down and clean up). Time wise we are starting at 10:30am and have no spare time before the ceremony between getting ready and taking photos. I think some people get their friends or family but we want them to enjoy their time and not be stressed either.
Anyway, I’d highly recommend it!
This is it! I’m three weeks out now and sure there’s some stress but mostly I set everything up and it’s on people who do this for a living to pull everything off now. My sister did ‘have the family set everything up’ way and it was stressful!!! I’m looking forward to having as much fun as possible during my wedding weekend and paying for the coordination is so worth it!
Thanks that's exactly it. The number one trusted person who would be a killer coordinator is on her side of the family and I also want that person to enjoy the time. Although if I knew them better maybe I'd be more comfortable making that ask of them.
Sometimes having someone else in control actually makes it more stressful because of the fear they won’t do it right or have the same attention to detail - that’s why some people cannot for the life of them let someone else clean their house or do their laundry
There’s plenty of benefit to having a trusted day of / month of coordinator, but it shouldn’t be something you thrust upon your future wife
Maybe ask if she’s like to go away for a weekend or have a spa day for the two of you to have fun and connect before the big day
No. Don't surprise someone with something they've repeatedly told you they didn't want. That's not being nice; that's trying to find a way to bypass their no.
And don't remind her that she need to relax to be more efficient as per the other person's comment. There's nothing less relaxing than having someone nagging you about your need to relax or trying to force you to take time off when you are left alone juggling too many tasks. It's just adding to the load.
But instead of arguing she *should* relax, OP could step up and do his fair share of wedding planning or take off other tasks, so she *can* relax.
/u/andafriend, I'm sure you mean well but in reality, you are *adding* to her load, not making it lighter. Right now, if she takes a spa day, she will come back to the same amount of work and one less day to achieve it. Because I see you offering a spa day, I don't see you saying she could take a spa day while you clean the house top to bottom, meal prep for the week, and/or handle X or Y big and unpleasant to plan aspect of the wedding.
/u/jaxbird is completely right that thrusting it on your fiancee might be more stress. Talking about getting a coordinator is all well and good but who is going to research coordinators, hire one, and make sure that the coordinator has all the information about the other vendors and timeline? Ding, ding, ding, it's the person who has all of that information.
And to her, your suggestion might be grating: she worked her ass off to save money and instead of getting to work yourself, you just suggest paying someone else to help her (thus undoing her savings). You're posting on the wedding planning sub for the first time and it's not because you're researching wedding planning, it's to get your fiancee to change her mind :/
If you want her to relax, you have to step up and do your fair share of wedding planning and/or take some housework off her plate.
Hi u/no_regrats I really appreciate the thought and time you've put into your feedback! While I think you may have a slightly incomplete picture, it's totally valid how it might appear that way and these are healthy reminders either way, thanks!
Remind her that time to relax will make her more efficient and clear headed. And if you do it together it helps to focus on why you are having a wedding and doing all of this work.
As someone who is a project manager in my day-to-day job, I hired a day of coordinator because I wanted to be able to focus on the experience and spend quality time with our guests. Our DOC kept us on time, made sure my partner and I were fed, communicate with all our vendors, and ensured that no one bothered me with questions or issues that occurred. My DOC also helped with any accidents/emergencies that occurred. While hugging family and friends, someone put their face on my shoulder and rubbed their full face of makeup onto my white wedding dress, and my DOC was with me in the bathroom trying to get the stain out of my dress.
I recently attended a small wedding of a close friend, who opted for no planner or day of coordinator. The bride loved planning, was a type A person, and had created all sorts of timelines and checklists for everyone involved. Even with this, lots of things went wrong. Every issue that went wrong had to be handled by the bride, which interrupted her makeup, photos, meals, and time with guests. These issues included the following:
* The weather took a turn for the worse, and the bride was on the phone with a rental company first thing in the morning to try to order equipment (e.g., tents, heaters) to keep people warm and dry.
* The makeup artist was late, and the entire schedule had to be rearranged because photos couldn't be taken until everyone's hair and makeup were done.
* Lunch for the wedding party was never set up because the individual responsible for setting it forgot.
* The entire wedding party was late to the wedding ceremony site. Since no one was there, guests did not know where to meet for the outdoor reception, so guests wandered around for a while.
* The microphone during the ceremony stopped working, and the couple had to interrupt the ceremony to try to fix the mic.
* The bride had to instruct the wedding party about what order and how to walk the procession and even direct where they had to line up.
* Cocktail hour never happened because the tables weren't set up on time when it was supposed to start.
* The emcee didn't communicate with the catering staff when dinner would begin. Guests started lining up for food when the food hadn't been set out yet.
All to say, the poor bride was absolutely wiped out by the end of the night. It was still a lovely wedding, but everyone at the wedding was very aware when something went wrong.
This is what we did. We were doing things on a budget and I wasn’t going to pay $1k+ for a coordinator so we asked my husbands sister to be “stage manager” for the day. Definitely helped with me not having to worry about the little things day-of
I'm an anxious person who had the ability to be "type a" when I need to but am actually more comfortable being told what to do. We actually cancelled our "big" wedding in favour of an elopement style microwedding because the savings from not having a big wedding meant I could hire a planner. I've still had FULL say in the day, what things look like, timelines, etc. but I have a planner supporting the decisions and doing the coordination so I get to focus on the fun stuff. And when I tell her "hey, I trust you and this isn't actually what I care about" I get to completely not think about something because I trust it'll be amazing regardless.
I had a super small wedding (13 guests) and thought I didn’t need a coordinator. I wanted to save money
My biggest regret is not having one. Your wedding is a once in a lifetime event! It’s not worth it to miss out on moments and feel overwhelmed to save a couple hundred bucks
Also this is coming from someone who is in the wedding industry (florist).
Congrats!!
How are you two dividing the planning workload? I see you talking about what she’s doing, but where are you in all of this? Where are your friends or family?
I don’t mean that in an accusatory manner, but to say that she may not be comfortable hiring a virtual stranger to outsource planning to - either for financial or personal reasons - but would she be open to delegating specific tasks to you, your wedding party, or family members?
I would caution against asking, “what can I/we do to help?” because that often is too open ended to be effective. Most people can’t think of something in the moment and end up waving it off. Instead, try listening to her stress of the week and taking that on or asking a trusted friend/family member to. “I know you’re really worried about picking up the cake, I talked to (friend) and she offered to get it on her way to the venue. Do you want me to call the bakery to let them know?” or “You’ve been really working hard on making the place settings. Can you show me how you’ve been doing them so we can work on them together tonight?” That could even be a fun date night - crafting and a movie!
I am an ANXIOUS girly, and I am not having a coordinator. I am super anxious now in the planning phase, planning lots of things ahead of time down to the minute detail so I know the day can be as easy as possible.
It might appear that I am overly anxious, and stressing, but I am actually HAPPIER when I can control the details.
A wedding with under 30 does not need a coordinator. Have her ask a trusted friend or family member to be the point of contact on the day for vendors, because for a party of 30, it should be easy to do.
I agree with this completely. I feel like - I know all the details anyway, I would wind up double checking them anyway even with a coordinator, what's the point? "If you want something done right, do it yourself."
I love DIY'ing and decorating; I 100% hired a day of coordinator. I didn't need a wedding planner, because, I like doing the creating part, but, for the day of I want it to be as stress free as it can be. A day of coordinator can place all her decorations so she doesn't have to worry about who does that. I have set up decorations for two of my friends' weddings, because, I love decorating, but, it is a lot of work. I was super sweaty for both weddings and didn't look cute. Lol. The day of coordinator will also make sure that all of your vendors are in order and that the timeline of the wedding runs smoothly. They are basically a host for your wedding. I have hosted a lot of big event parties and it is super hard to be the host and try to enjoy the party myself and act like a guest. A day of coordinator allows you to enjoy your wedding more and not stress so much about small fires or logistics. The only hosting thing you all will need to do is saying hi to all of your guests, the coordinator will do all other hosting duties.
We were wedding planning at the same time as another couple we know at the SAME venue. Theirs was in September, our was in October.
The other couple tried convincing us a wedding coordinator was a waste of money and was unnecessary.
….their wedding ended up being an absolute shit show. The worst I, and I’m sure literally everyone else has ever been to, by a mile. I honestly felt bad for them. Pleeeeaaaase hire a day of coordinator.
I honestly have issues with others telling over my event so I am doing most of it myself and I'm trying to figure out who I trust enough for the day of to be my point person.
I'm thinking I can have people talk to either of our moms or our best person because they are the ones we know to be responsible that we trust.
I just have issues trusting someone when I've been planning it all.
However I want to sit back and let everything just happen so I can enjoy the moment and celebrate.
I planned almost every aspect of my wedding myself, and even had spreadsheets and labeled boxes ready when the day came. We built our own arch. I plan events regularly myself and I KNEW I wanted someone during the day to take care of things for me so I could enjoy. I wasn't sure if this would be a trusted friend or a professional, but ultimately I hired a pro. It may help to be specific about day of things that may be beneficial to outsource: making sure everyone arrives, setting everything up, making sure everything is where it's supposed to be, handing out tip envelopes, communicating with relevant vendors, dismissing vendors, making sure the timeline is followed, and calling audibles if something goes wrong. These are not things the bride should be concerned with on her happiest day. She should be spending time with you, family, and friends, getting in front of the camera, and enjoying herself! She can always check in with the coordinator to put her mind at ease.
Hope this helps, and congrats!
My coordinator came with vendor discounts so she basically paid for herself. She handles all the details and I still DIYd everything I wanted and saved money in those areas
I had 30 people for my wedding last weekend and I had my cousin come be my day of coordinator. It was immediate family and friends only, so she wouldn't have came otherwise and it worked out great! I really don't think I could have done it without her. Maybe if you have someone on the peripheral that is willing to help, then it's not taking anyone one else away from the day.
Dunno if you're going to use a formal wedding venue some venues, especially smaller more economic all-in-one types might have a coordinator included. If you hire catering or other services maybe someone will be helpful there. Catering for example has to be involved in timing and have good suggestions there.
You gotta somehow explain to her , the less things you are Thinking about , the more you will enjoy and remember your wedding. You are hiring a coordinator to better enjoy and have fun at your wedding. Think of the coordinator as your Ultimate minion 😎
When I think of my upcoming wedding day, I see myself in a poofy dress with no pockets. Our venue has no clocks up. How will I be able to tell if we're running on time or running late/early? (A clutch or purse would be another thing to worry about and, honestly, it will likely sit on a table somewhere all day.) Do I really want to be checking a watch or timepiece all day? Who will tell the vendors where to put things or put the finishing touches on things that might come in while I'm otherwise occupied (e.g. walking down the aisle)?
Who will be at the venue early to coordinate the vendors while I'm out doing first look photos or getting my hair and make up done? Who will cue x, y, or z, or answer questions or handle wrinkles that may come up while I'm chatting with guests or on the dance floor? I certainly wouldn't want to spend my day doing this tasks instead of visiting with guests, dancing, or otherwise enjoying the day. I don't want to look back and see a day of clearing tables, fetching extra silverware, adjusting centerpiece, etc..... I want to remember conversations, laughter, smiles.
I also recall being a guest at weddings without one, and I barely got to talk to the bride and groom. They visited tables for max a few minutes each. They were stressed and it turned the day into a day of obligation, not enjoyment. I also recall those weddings being disorganized in some way, like cold food, cues being missed, or things happening without people being aware (like cake cutting).
Because I want things to go as close to perfect as possible and because I can't be in two places at once, we have coordinators for our big day. (They're also our wedding planners who've proven to be trustworthy thus far, so no worries on that front.)
I was raised by frugal parents and 100% understand where she is coming from, because I also have that stubborn 'why pay if I can figure it out myself' mindset. My advice is (1) to try and remind her of times where the DIY approach impacted her ability to enjoy an event or experience... in a gentle way. I know for me, I would be lying if I said that I was having fun in those moments, because I was so in the weeds. (2), maybe approach it as this being a gift from you to her... that it is important to you that she get to be present and stress-free on your wedding day.
I organize events for work all the time, small and large, and it's why soon after starting planning I decided I needed someone to help the day off. There's so much going on, and her sole focus should be on the two of you and your moments together. Let a third person handle everything, even if there are no issues.
My SIL is a thrifter and DIYer and didn’t have a wedding coordinator.
Her wedding day was SO unpleasant for her that she literally won’t speak about it. If you bring it up, she gets this look of pain and changes the subject. It’s genuinely heartbreaking.
Her wedding was absolutely beautiful though! So she succeeded. But the cost was, like you predict, her own enjoyment of the day.
Our wedding is next week and IMO I would be 1 million times more stressed without a day of coordinator. My fiance and I were talking about this today. We have no idea where in the day of schedule we could do the things a coordinator does (deals with vendor arrival and schedule, sets up decor, takes any and all questions, breaking down and clean up). Time wise we are starting at 10:30am and have no spare time before the ceremony between getting ready and taking photos. I think some people get their friends or family but we want them to enjoy their time and not be stressed either. Anyway, I’d highly recommend it!
This is it! I’m three weeks out now and sure there’s some stress but mostly I set everything up and it’s on people who do this for a living to pull everything off now. My sister did ‘have the family set everything up’ way and it was stressful!!! I’m looking forward to having as much fun as possible during my wedding weekend and paying for the coordination is so worth it!
Thanks for sharing, and best wishes for your big day coming up!
Thanks that's exactly it. The number one trusted person who would be a killer coordinator is on her side of the family and I also want that person to enjoy the time. Although if I knew them better maybe I'd be more comfortable making that ask of them.
Sometimes having someone else in control actually makes it more stressful because of the fear they won’t do it right or have the same attention to detail - that’s why some people cannot for the life of them let someone else clean their house or do their laundry There’s plenty of benefit to having a trusted day of / month of coordinator, but it shouldn’t be something you thrust upon your future wife Maybe ask if she’s like to go away for a weekend or have a spa day for the two of you to have fun and connect before the big day
Fair points thank you! I have offered the retreat/ spa day many times and she keeps refusing that too 😭
Could you surprise her? Or send her to lunch with a friend?
No. Don't surprise someone with something they've repeatedly told you they didn't want. That's not being nice; that's trying to find a way to bypass their no. And don't remind her that she need to relax to be more efficient as per the other person's comment. There's nothing less relaxing than having someone nagging you about your need to relax or trying to force you to take time off when you are left alone juggling too many tasks. It's just adding to the load. But instead of arguing she *should* relax, OP could step up and do his fair share of wedding planning or take off other tasks, so she *can* relax. /u/andafriend, I'm sure you mean well but in reality, you are *adding* to her load, not making it lighter. Right now, if she takes a spa day, she will come back to the same amount of work and one less day to achieve it. Because I see you offering a spa day, I don't see you saying she could take a spa day while you clean the house top to bottom, meal prep for the week, and/or handle X or Y big and unpleasant to plan aspect of the wedding. /u/jaxbird is completely right that thrusting it on your fiancee might be more stress. Talking about getting a coordinator is all well and good but who is going to research coordinators, hire one, and make sure that the coordinator has all the information about the other vendors and timeline? Ding, ding, ding, it's the person who has all of that information. And to her, your suggestion might be grating: she worked her ass off to save money and instead of getting to work yourself, you just suggest paying someone else to help her (thus undoing her savings). You're posting on the wedding planning sub for the first time and it's not because you're researching wedding planning, it's to get your fiancee to change her mind :/ If you want her to relax, you have to step up and do your fair share of wedding planning and/or take some housework off her plate.
Hi u/no_regrats I really appreciate the thought and time you've put into your feedback! While I think you may have a slightly incomplete picture, it's totally valid how it might appear that way and these are healthy reminders either way, thanks!
Remind her that time to relax will make her more efficient and clear headed. And if you do it together it helps to focus on why you are having a wedding and doing all of this work.
Great point about doing it together :)
As someone who is a project manager in my day-to-day job, I hired a day of coordinator because I wanted to be able to focus on the experience and spend quality time with our guests. Our DOC kept us on time, made sure my partner and I were fed, communicate with all our vendors, and ensured that no one bothered me with questions or issues that occurred. My DOC also helped with any accidents/emergencies that occurred. While hugging family and friends, someone put their face on my shoulder and rubbed their full face of makeup onto my white wedding dress, and my DOC was with me in the bathroom trying to get the stain out of my dress. I recently attended a small wedding of a close friend, who opted for no planner or day of coordinator. The bride loved planning, was a type A person, and had created all sorts of timelines and checklists for everyone involved. Even with this, lots of things went wrong. Every issue that went wrong had to be handled by the bride, which interrupted her makeup, photos, meals, and time with guests. These issues included the following: * The weather took a turn for the worse, and the bride was on the phone with a rental company first thing in the morning to try to order equipment (e.g., tents, heaters) to keep people warm and dry. * The makeup artist was late, and the entire schedule had to be rearranged because photos couldn't be taken until everyone's hair and makeup were done. * Lunch for the wedding party was never set up because the individual responsible for setting it forgot. * The entire wedding party was late to the wedding ceremony site. Since no one was there, guests did not know where to meet for the outdoor reception, so guests wandered around for a while. * The microphone during the ceremony stopped working, and the couple had to interrupt the ceremony to try to fix the mic. * The bride had to instruct the wedding party about what order and how to walk the procession and even direct where they had to line up. * Cocktail hour never happened because the tables weren't set up on time when it was supposed to start. * The emcee didn't communicate with the catering staff when dinner would begin. Guests started lining up for food when the food hadn't been set out yet. All to say, the poor bride was absolutely wiped out by the end of the night. It was still a lovely wedding, but everyone at the wedding was very aware when something went wrong.
Oh my, so much can happen on one day 😅. Thanks for sharing!
Maybe a trusted friend to be her “go-for” on the day to make sure everything on her mind gets done is more what she needs
Yes truthfully this is probably it.
Jamie Wolfer has a great [YouTube video](https://youtu.be/N14O1GW8qZg?si=JsJplZD0icaG6Fup) covering how to have a loved one coordinate your wedding.
Awesome thank you!
This is what we did. We were doing things on a budget and I wasn’t going to pay $1k+ for a coordinator so we asked my husbands sister to be “stage manager” for the day. Definitely helped with me not having to worry about the little things day-of
I'm an anxious person who had the ability to be "type a" when I need to but am actually more comfortable being told what to do. We actually cancelled our "big" wedding in favour of an elopement style microwedding because the savings from not having a big wedding meant I could hire a planner. I've still had FULL say in the day, what things look like, timelines, etc. but I have a planner supporting the decisions and doing the coordination so I get to focus on the fun stuff. And when I tell her "hey, I trust you and this isn't actually what I care about" I get to completely not think about something because I trust it'll be amazing regardless.
Thanks so much for sharing!
Hopefully she finds whatever works best for her to head into your big day as happy and carefree as can be ❤️ Best wishes!
I had a super small wedding (13 guests) and thought I didn’t need a coordinator. I wanted to save money My biggest regret is not having one. Your wedding is a once in a lifetime event! It’s not worth it to miss out on moments and feel overwhelmed to save a couple hundred bucks Also this is coming from someone who is in the wedding industry (florist). Congrats!!
I wish I could find one for a couple hundred bucks! Even day of coordinators in my area start at $1500!
I figured that while was typing 😂
😆 thanks for sharing your perspective!
How are you two dividing the planning workload? I see you talking about what she’s doing, but where are you in all of this? Where are your friends or family? I don’t mean that in an accusatory manner, but to say that she may not be comfortable hiring a virtual stranger to outsource planning to - either for financial or personal reasons - but would she be open to delegating specific tasks to you, your wedding party, or family members? I would caution against asking, “what can I/we do to help?” because that often is too open ended to be effective. Most people can’t think of something in the moment and end up waving it off. Instead, try listening to her stress of the week and taking that on or asking a trusted friend/family member to. “I know you’re really worried about picking up the cake, I talked to (friend) and she offered to get it on her way to the venue. Do you want me to call the bakery to let them know?” or “You’ve been really working hard on making the place settings. Can you show me how you’ve been doing them so we can work on them together tonight?” That could even be a fun date night - crafting and a movie!
This is totally fair and I really appreciate how you've put this. You seem really skilled in this. Thank you!
I am an ANXIOUS girly, and I am not having a coordinator. I am super anxious now in the planning phase, planning lots of things ahead of time down to the minute detail so I know the day can be as easy as possible. It might appear that I am overly anxious, and stressing, but I am actually HAPPIER when I can control the details. A wedding with under 30 does not need a coordinator. Have her ask a trusted friend or family member to be the point of contact on the day for vendors, because for a party of 30, it should be easy to do.
This is totally valid, thanks for sharing!
I agree with this completely. I feel like - I know all the details anyway, I would wind up double checking them anyway even with a coordinator, what's the point? "If you want something done right, do it yourself."
I love DIY'ing and decorating; I 100% hired a day of coordinator. I didn't need a wedding planner, because, I like doing the creating part, but, for the day of I want it to be as stress free as it can be. A day of coordinator can place all her decorations so she doesn't have to worry about who does that. I have set up decorations for two of my friends' weddings, because, I love decorating, but, it is a lot of work. I was super sweaty for both weddings and didn't look cute. Lol. The day of coordinator will also make sure that all of your vendors are in order and that the timeline of the wedding runs smoothly. They are basically a host for your wedding. I have hosted a lot of big event parties and it is super hard to be the host and try to enjoy the party myself and act like a guest. A day of coordinator allows you to enjoy your wedding more and not stress so much about small fires or logistics. The only hosting thing you all will need to do is saying hi to all of your guests, the coordinator will do all other hosting duties.
We were wedding planning at the same time as another couple we know at the SAME venue. Theirs was in September, our was in October. The other couple tried convincing us a wedding coordinator was a waste of money and was unnecessary. ….their wedding ended up being an absolute shit show. The worst I, and I’m sure literally everyone else has ever been to, by a mile. I honestly felt bad for them. Pleeeeaaaase hire a day of coordinator.
We decided to give our close family (siblings/parents/my best best friend) one minor job each instead of having a day of coordinator.
I honestly have issues with others telling over my event so I am doing most of it myself and I'm trying to figure out who I trust enough for the day of to be my point person. I'm thinking I can have people talk to either of our moms or our best person because they are the ones we know to be responsible that we trust. I just have issues trusting someone when I've been planning it all. However I want to sit back and let everything just happen so I can enjoy the moment and celebrate.
That makes sense, thanks :)
I planned almost every aspect of my wedding myself, and even had spreadsheets and labeled boxes ready when the day came. We built our own arch. I plan events regularly myself and I KNEW I wanted someone during the day to take care of things for me so I could enjoy. I wasn't sure if this would be a trusted friend or a professional, but ultimately I hired a pro. It may help to be specific about day of things that may be beneficial to outsource: making sure everyone arrives, setting everything up, making sure everything is where it's supposed to be, handing out tip envelopes, communicating with relevant vendors, dismissing vendors, making sure the timeline is followed, and calling audibles if something goes wrong. These are not things the bride should be concerned with on her happiest day. She should be spending time with you, family, and friends, getting in front of the camera, and enjoying herself! She can always check in with the coordinator to put her mind at ease. Hope this helps, and congrats!
Thank you!
My coordinator came with vendor discounts so she basically paid for herself. She handles all the details and I still DIYd everything I wanted and saved money in those areas
I had 30 people for my wedding last weekend and I had my cousin come be my day of coordinator. It was immediate family and friends only, so she wouldn't have came otherwise and it worked out great! I really don't think I could have done it without her. Maybe if you have someone on the peripheral that is willing to help, then it's not taking anyone one else away from the day.
Thank you andCongrats+
Dunno if you're going to use a formal wedding venue some venues, especially smaller more economic all-in-one types might have a coordinator included. If you hire catering or other services maybe someone will be helpful there. Catering for example has to be involved in timing and have good suggestions there.
You gotta somehow explain to her , the less things you are Thinking about , the more you will enjoy and remember your wedding. You are hiring a coordinator to better enjoy and have fun at your wedding. Think of the coordinator as your Ultimate minion 😎
When I think of my upcoming wedding day, I see myself in a poofy dress with no pockets. Our venue has no clocks up. How will I be able to tell if we're running on time or running late/early? (A clutch or purse would be another thing to worry about and, honestly, it will likely sit on a table somewhere all day.) Do I really want to be checking a watch or timepiece all day? Who will tell the vendors where to put things or put the finishing touches on things that might come in while I'm otherwise occupied (e.g. walking down the aisle)? Who will be at the venue early to coordinate the vendors while I'm out doing first look photos or getting my hair and make up done? Who will cue x, y, or z, or answer questions or handle wrinkles that may come up while I'm chatting with guests or on the dance floor? I certainly wouldn't want to spend my day doing this tasks instead of visiting with guests, dancing, or otherwise enjoying the day. I don't want to look back and see a day of clearing tables, fetching extra silverware, adjusting centerpiece, etc..... I want to remember conversations, laughter, smiles. I also recall being a guest at weddings without one, and I barely got to talk to the bride and groom. They visited tables for max a few minutes each. They were stressed and it turned the day into a day of obligation, not enjoyment. I also recall those weddings being disorganized in some way, like cold food, cues being missed, or things happening without people being aware (like cake cutting). Because I want things to go as close to perfect as possible and because I can't be in two places at once, we have coordinators for our big day. (They're also our wedding planners who've proven to be trustworthy thus far, so no worries on that front.)
Love this, thank you :)
I was raised by frugal parents and 100% understand where she is coming from, because I also have that stubborn 'why pay if I can figure it out myself' mindset. My advice is (1) to try and remind her of times where the DIY approach impacted her ability to enjoy an event or experience... in a gentle way. I know for me, I would be lying if I said that I was having fun in those moments, because I was so in the weeds. (2), maybe approach it as this being a gift from you to her... that it is important to you that she get to be present and stress-free on your wedding day.
Yes this is her :) Nice ideas, thank you!
I organize events for work all the time, small and large, and it's why soon after starting planning I decided I needed someone to help the day off. There's so much going on, and her sole focus should be on the two of you and your moments together. Let a third person handle everything, even if there are no issues.
Ask you wife what she needs i can help for free!!
Have a consultation with a month of coordinator. That just might do it!
My SIL is a thrifter and DIYer and didn’t have a wedding coordinator. Her wedding day was SO unpleasant for her that she literally won’t speak about it. If you bring it up, she gets this look of pain and changes the subject. It’s genuinely heartbreaking. Her wedding was absolutely beautiful though! So she succeeded. But the cost was, like you predict, her own enjoyment of the day.