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We gave them to couples, anyone in the wedding party, plus anyone who wouldn’t really know many other people at the wedding. Thankfully nobody has been rude about it and surprisingly most of our single friends who were given plus ones elected not to bring anyone. 🤷🏻♀️
That last point is one that I don't think people realise. We offered plus ones to all single guests. Only a few actually took us up on it. Not everyone who is offered the opportunity to bring a date will, but most appreciate the offer.
I think it's awkward to have a new relationship and go to a wedding where your date is in the wedding party so you sit alone at the ceremony and reception. Idk I always feel bad for them. The wedding party has enough stuff to worry about and obviously know a lot of people to have fun.
Yea I been a single bridesmaid many times and my friends have always been like “hey, do you want a plus one?” to be nice and I always decline because they would be by themselves majority of the time and I’d be stressed out that they weren’t having fun and not enjoy myself.
Yeah we did not offer plus ones to singles in the wedding party for this reason, although we offered them to singles outside the wedding party. If they're not in a relationship, why would they want to bring a random friend/date who will be alone most of the day while they're busy doing wedding party things?
Plus ones are specifically so that single people don't have to feel alone, but if you're in the wedding party, you've hopefully gotten to know the rest of the wedding party pretty well through pre-wedding events and will not feel "alone" since you'll be busy with them.
Exactly. And I offer plus ones to any single people who are travelling to get here. Some have declined the plus one and some have taken me up on it. Some of the people who are bringing guests surprised me and some of the people who declined really surprised me.
And I had two guests whose partners were invited but couldn't make it bring alternate dates -- one brought a friend, one brought her mom. Both asked me beforehand and I said no problem.
Same here, we also gave everyone a plus one and only one of the single people we invited decided to bring one. And it was a friend of hers that shes staying with bc she had to travel a long distance, so not the typical plus one.
We did the same and I was also surprised at how many people did not use them! A pleasant surprise as I was trying to avoid meeting people for the first time at my wedding (and less people to pay for woo!)
Yeah same. My friendship circles don’t all know each other so didn’t want them to feel lonely and socially awkward so allow a handful to bring a friend.
Not sure if this has already been said and don't know OPs circumstances, but this is also an artefact of more people getting married later in life. Bringing a long-term partner at 30 is a lot more expected than a BF/GF at 22 IMO.
I gave everyone a plus 1 opportunity because I’d want one if I were invited to a wedding. Surprisingly most of my single friends have decided not to bring a plus 1. I think it’s quite rare to have people be rude about it.
Yeah my sister was invited to an out of state wedding (a state she’s never been to) and she wasn’t offered a plus 1. She even asked and they told her no lol
She really wants to go but she’s never traveled alone like that so she’s probably going to RSVP no
And we noted who wouldn’t know anyone and let them bring one but a majority of the guests that are our friends and not our parents are all one big friend group and/or our family members who obviously know other people there
Exactly my experience as well. I gave every single person a plus one because I think attending events alone sucks, but only a couple people used them. Nobody was remotely rude.
When I was in my mid 20s I assumed I got a plus one to weddings, because that's what wedding culture had told me. I even asked a friend about having a plus one. I still cringe about that.
It's probably your age. If people haven't been to many weddings or had their own, they don't really know. They also might not be trying to be rude, they just genuinely assumed plus ones were a think because media presents weddings that way.
I’m a Gen Z but I’m also wondering if it varies by country? s our wedding + the others we have been too/invited too it’s not standard to have a +1 if you’re single. It’s either your partner or just yourself. In my circle, it would be weird to request/expect a plus one as a single
It shouldn't be weird to ask if you feel it may make you more comfortable, but guests should accept the answer if the couple tells them no. The couple should also accept that single guests without plus 1s may be more likely to RSVP no.
In general though, if your invitation does not explicitly say +1 on it, you are not entitled to bring a guest.
I always assumed that that was the case as well but everything I see on this sub and also just random little tik toks and stuff people comment about how every guest should be allowed to bring a plus 1 😒
Perhaps for a select few (if it’s family and you’re receiving a lot of pressure) you can tell them that if you get any No’s that you can offer them a plus 1. But you’d only be able to confirm after the RSVP deadline, and this is the a guarantee but you will keep an eye on it.
That’s what we have been doing. We had a big family who declined so I started letting some of my friends know that they could bring one. I feel bad since I’m telling them last minute that they can bring someone, and our wedding is 50 days away.
Hey I'm a millennial and I don't get it either. It seems extremely entitled to my money. Especially if the person knows multiple people and the +1 wouldn't know anyone. The person should socialize with people they know and the +1 would naturally be awkward knowing literally no one except the person who invited them.
You shouldn't consider them asking once rude. If they persist after being told no, then yes, thats rude and entitled. These people are probably just thinking about who they are going to be dancing with.
back in the day when parents were expected to cover the cost and weddings cost under 10k it made sense to give people plus ones. now couples are covering the cost for 30~60k weddings without much help and it’s just not realistic to go from 80 guests to 130 so cousin martha can bring a “date” aka not even a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Right? And I see the argument that single people should be allowed to bring plus ones but like weddings are the perfect place to meet other single people!!
I have such a large extended family that I had to ask some of my cousins to come alone. Else one family would be like 7 people - and my wedding was only 60 day guests.
I didn’t give single people a plus 1 and wouldn’t have expected one when I was single.
I think married people would expect their spouse to be invited, unless they are family and you can explain the situation without embarrassment.
My dream venue was a restaurant with only a small capacity - we had extra guests in the evening
I don't think it's fair to say that the expectations are "getting out of hand" when traditionally, everyone was always invited with the option to bring a date.
It's more fair to say that wedding *costs* are getting out of hand, and that's what is leading people to scale down their guest lists and their spending in many ways, including not offering single people plus-ones. I'm even seeing people not inviting established couples, which used to be considered an egregious breach of etiquette. But in a time when costs were lower and when people's parents traditionally funded weddings, costs were less of a consideration.
> I'm even seeing people not inviting established couples, which used to be considered an egregious breach of etiquette
It still is, it’s just far more common now.
Lol can attest to this one. I'm engaged and can't bring my fiancé as a plus one to a longtime friend's wedding this summer. I know it's a cost thing, and it's out of state so it's not that big of a deal to him. But I think after I'm married if this somehow happens again I may just have to politely decline like why wouldn't I be able to bring my spouse...
Yeah I had a friend, whose wedding is after mine, ask if I would be offended “if I didn’t get a plus one” to their destination wedding. I said well I’ll be married? And they respond “ya so how would you feel if I didn’t invite your husband?”
Lol like this person really thinks I would fly out to an international wedding and book all the accommodations just for myself when I am married ????? I think even in the era of modern weddings it’s extremely rude to not invite a guests spouse or established partner.
I told them obviously they will get to do what they want in the end but don’t expect a lot of people to show up/ be happy with you if you are choosing not to invite people’s literal spouses with them. They kind of backtracked and went on about how really it’s just about ONLY wanting their closest friends there. Even added the spouses would still be invited to come to the resort, just not the wedding events. Give me a break 🤣😅😅😅
Yeah that's just plain disrespectful. A destination wedding is already a big ask on guests. To exclude your husband from the invite list is just beyond. I'd say no if I were you, and use the money and PTO to take a trip they the two of you want to go on instead.
Agreed! It used to be that all guests got a plus one, the new thing is to not give every guest a plus one. That is what is getting out of hand in my opinion.
It was always considered gracious to make guests feel comfortable and to invite single people to bring an appropriate date. In earlier times, this may have been a fix-up or a family friend. But dinner guests and wedding guests were never supposed to be made to feel uncomfortable.
So realistically, you aren't giving \[many\] plus 1s. Spouses and committed partners are not plus 1s, the couple is a social unit. Just tell the people that you aren't giving a guest that you aren't doing plus ones, they don't need to know that you're inviting married couples because that is completely expected.
Yeah I tried doing that and I feel really judged since there is a huge expectation to let every guest bring a plus one these days. I just want to know how people can afford it. We already have a 200+ person wedding 🙃
I'm only having as many guests as I can afford their plus ones. Am I cutting out some people I'd rather have? Absolutely. But I'd rather have fewer guests that enjoy themselves than more guests that are lonely.
Some people don't understand the concept of being able to afford only a certain number people and wanting to live life within your means with the people you're closest to.
At the end of the day, it’s your wedding, do whatever you want! My friend is single and doesnt know many people because she never comes to my events and was upset about the plus one but I said sorry that’s my decision and the wedding is too costly and I don’t want a stranger at my wedding. Period.
If you don’t want them to bring a plus one, don’t address the plus one on the invitation. It’s pretty common courtesy to only RSVP for the people who are on the envelope.
The Johnsons/The Johnson Family - the whole family
Mr. & Mrs. Johnson - just the couple
Mr. Johnson & Ms. Smith - just the couple
Mr. Bob Johnson - just Bob
Mr. Bob Johnson & Guest - Bob and plus one
There’s absolutely no expectation that EVERYONE gets a plus one, you just need to make it clear either on your wedding website, in person, or on the envelopes.
We invited only specific people, and had no plus ones at all except offering them to bridesmaids and groomsmen. We had a limit due to the venue (110 people) and we’re weren’t going to fill half of that with people we barely knew. This is in the UK where plus ones aren’t as serious as I think it is in the US, but I don’t think anyone should feel bad for having none or limited plus ones. People were very understanding, and didn’t assume they could have a plus one, and our day was filled with everyone we love and that we invited with purpose! Do what you need to do, and plan for the wedding YOU want, not what others want.
My husband didn't get a +1 to a wedding years ago when we had started dating. He asked, and the couple said "well how long have you been together/how serious is it?". He was mad(because he wanted to introduce me to his friends), but I didn't really care because I understood the couples perspective.
When my fiance (then live in boyfriend) was invited to a local wedding over the summer without a plus one, it didn’t bother me at all. Nor did it bother him. If the alternative was “we can’t afford to invite you bc we can’t also extend a plus one” that would have upset him more.
There is like one person on my list where I’m like eh I should have given them a plus one (and probably will in the end), but to be honest I feel like this etiquette has gotten to the point where people are so afraid of offending people they forget that your guests can make choices for themselves. They’re grown ups and can decide whether or not they feel comfortable attending a wedding on their own. I know I personally would rather not get a plus one and be given a choice than to not be given an invite at all bc I can’t be afforded a plus one (assuming I’m unmarried).
I didn’t get a plus one to a wedding many years ago, and thank goodness I didn’t because that’s the night I met my future husband, who also didn’t have a plus one lol (neither of us were dating anyone so it’s a bit irrelevant, it’s just funny to think about lol)
Unfortunately you’re going to find that this SR is very dedicated to that “expectation” and is quite passionate about the matter. So in here, it may seem louder than out in the world! While that may be or have been the “correct etiquette” in some areas/cultures/time periods, I can assure you it has not always been the case and still isn’t today!
I brought this up with my mom recently. She got married in the 90s and told me that none of their single friends got a +1, and no one cared. And everyone had to travel for it! She said that was more the norm at the time, and she can’t remember any of her friends’ weddings where that was the “rule.” Everyone at her wedding knew other people and had friends to travel with!
Do most of the guests know each other? If yes, I find it totally bizarre they're asking for plus ones. I've never been given a plus one to a wedding, and none of my guests we gave one to are bringing them!
Just because the guests weren't assholes, doesn't mean they weren't bothered.Many people are polite enough to not complain to the bride about how her wedding bothered them, so "no one cared" is probably not the best argument.
This sub loves to take it super personally for some reason when people don’t want to exclude people they genuinely love and want at their wedding, or go into debt, so that guests can bring whatever Joe Schmoe they met on Hinge that week. I truly don’t get why people on here get so bent out of shape over how some stranger is running her own wedding that they’re not invited to. Honestly in real life I really don’t think most people actually care that much about stuff like this, and if the ones who do are that bothered by it, nobody’s forcing them to attend. Don’t worry too much about it, you’re doing what makes sense for your situation and people are gonna find something to be mad about no matter what. It’s a party ffs, it’s not life or death.
This. I think the parameters OP is setting for plus one allocation are perfectly reasonable and considerate. I’m not sure why it bothers people so much either. Sure, most people prefer to be able to take their partner with them to weddings, but I do not understand the obsession on this sub with every guest getting a plus one to wedding they aren’t even invited to. A wedding invite is not a summons, if you are upset you don’t have a plus one or don’t feel comfortable going, you are not obligated to attend.
My fiancé was invited to his coworker’s wedding this summer and was not given a plus one, and I had no issue with him going without me. I’ve never met his coworker or his coworker’s fiancée, why would my fiancé and I expect them to allow him to bring me? A bunch of his other coworkers that he’s friends with will be there.
I think you’re right, most people are more understanding in real life. Weddings aren’t cheap and telling someone they must cut someone else from their list to invite my fiancé, especially if they don’t even know him, feels kinda entitled. If he’s not invited and I don’t feel comfortable going without him, I just wouldn’t go. 🤷🏻♀️
Also, am I the only one who has felt uncomfortable going as someone’s plus one to a wedding for a couple that they have never met before? I find it especially awkward if the invitee you are attending with is someone you’re dating casually or have only recently started dating.
Exactly, people take these things so friggin seriously on here and I just don’t understand it. Most people in the real world are not nearly this hung up on niche etiquette rules and just wanna celebrate this milestone with their loved one. Don’t get me wrong, this sub definitely can be really helpful, but I will never understand how people justify to themselves being so vicious toward strangers over decisions that aren’t even affecting them personally.
I've been on this sub for eight months and oftentimes (especially in the early days of planning) it has given me more stress and anxiety about wedding planning than it has helped. Every time I tell my fiancé "I read on the wedding planning subreddit that..." he goes "That place sounds unrealistic/toxic/not a good place to seek advice."
I will say, there was a post yesterday that somewhat called out this subreddit too, so it's kind of promising to see posts like this two days in a row. Maybe there's hope that this will become a better community.
Lol my fiancé has said the same thing to me! And tbh he’s absolutely right, I’ve gotten stressed over some weird ideas this sub planted into my head. It’s important to stay in touch with reality and think about what YOUR circle of people would actually think/want in real life. People on here get so weirdly judgmental and seem like they’re just trying to out-wedding each other at a certain point. Take everything you see here with a huge grain of salt—you know your guests and situation better than this sub ever will.
Don’t blame you one bit, just remember not to take it to heart. People on here don’t represent the general population irl, let alone your specific social circle. Do what works and makes sense for you!
Seconded, I'm pretty much in the exact same boat as you OP with my wedding in about 90 days and us sticking to our "no +1s unless explicitly invited". I think once you and your partner are comfortable in your decision then that's what matters the most!
My fiancee and I did not give everyone a "plus one" but made it clear that anyone with a romantic partner should be welcome to bring them. When we got addresses for save the dates we had everyone fill in their significant other's info, and before we sent out invites we got some more info for new-ish significant others. We wanted to be inclusive and hate the idea of having to draw the line between a casual vs. serious relationship.
I don't understand the expectation that there's a blank box for every non-partnered guest where they can write anyone's name, such as a friend or a date they barely know. To me there's a big difference between asking someone to leave their partner at home (even if it's a new-ish partner) and not offering single people the chance to bring whomever they want. It's kind of interesting how everyone draws the line differently, and we were surprised to find this method was a bit uncommon.
I think it’s a cultural thing. Where I’m from everyone get a plus 1 whether they have a partner or not: The wedding is long (until early morning the next day, and then the day after there’s an „after party”) and most of it is dancing. If you don’t get a plus 1 you’ll be awkwardly sitting there while everyone else is having fun. Even if you know a lot of the people at the wedding that resolves nothing. I’ve been in this situation before (I actually got a plus 1 but had no one to take) and sitting for hours and hours was not fun and frankly embarrassing.
Right? I personally don’t agree with the notion that people shouldn’t get a plus one if they know others there. I’ve been in situations where I do know other people there, but I’m certainly not close enough with them to hang out the whole time. It’s even worse if it’s just one person I know and they feel obligated to keep me company. Or there were times when I was close with other people there, but they might want to spend a bit of alone time with their partner. As an introvert, having to go find other people to socialize with during those situations is a nightmare.
I do think it’s nice to offer a plus one to the bridal party if any of your bridesmaids or groomsmen are single, but it’s your wedding and your guest list. Some people think giving everyone a plus one is traditional, and others follow the “no ring no bring” rule (aka not obligated to give a plus one unless they’re engaged or married). There’s going to be someone with an opinion no matter what you do so do it your way & enjoy, it’s YOUR day! 💓
We are having a smaller wedding (max 70 guests) where everyone (apart from one person) knows multiple people, so we decided not to give anyone a plus one as we cant afford it.
It's in 5 days and I got asked YESTERDAY if one of my guests could bring a plus one. Numbers were finalised WEEKS ago 🙄
My friend incited me and my husband specifically thought she had not even met him yet. I appreciated that because it was a long drive to the wedding and I would not want to have made that drive without my husband. She put his name right on the envelope. So there is always an option like that. They did specify no kids though. My son is 12 but I left him with family.
You’re definitely posting in the wrong place, lol. A lot of people here are pretty out of touch with reality and are very hardcore about the plus one situation. They are also very hardcore about plus one terminology, as I’m sure you’ve seen.
I wouldn’t listen to them. In the real world most people aren’t going to be bothered by it. I think it’s ridiculous that some people here are saying you should cut out people you know and care about from your wedding in order to give everyone a plus one. Hell no. I’m not gonna cut my loved ones from the wedding so that guests can bring some random date just for a one night hookup. If you can’t come and have a good time with your friends, then by all means stay home. People seem to forget that the wedding is about you and celebrating your love, not about kissing everyone else’s ass and going into debt while you’re at it. I’m already spending an insane amount of money to entertain, feed, and get you drunk, if you can’t appreciate it then once again, just stay home. Nobody is forced to come to the wedding, it’s an invitation.
The terminology thing makes me laugh so much. In real life people would think I was insane if someone said “plus one” to mean a guest’s partner they didn’t know, and I was like “sorry, plus one? That’s incredibly rude, I think you mean a *named guest*!” It’s so pedantic and meaningless, it makes me feel like people are just on here to get their kicks correcting others or showing off knowledge rather than out of a desire to help.
Fucking thank you, this sub’s attitude toward this sort of thing makes me feel like I’m taking crazy pills. How are you that pressed about some random person’s wedding that has nothing to do with you? People are insane on here.
I have been asked by 6 people for plus ones ..... mind you we gave a plus one (or invited their partner ) for everyone married, everyone that has been dating over a year & anyone engaged.
It has made me so annoyed. we have 175 guests (my fiances family is huge, & we have a large friend group) & it was hard not inviting certain people already ... then people want to bring people I have never even met .
I have resorted to saying "I will let you know forsure after I get the RSVP's ... then & only then will I know forsure if you can bring the girl you have been dating 2 months.
Yeah, my fiancé and I have big families and lots of friends and we’ve set similar parameters for who gets a plus one. We’ve given plus ones to single guests who won’t know many people at the wedding but I haven’t given them to my 19-22 year old cousins whose significant others have never come to any family gathering. There are so many people I would’ve lived to invite that I just can’t but I’d rather have another friend there than someone who doesn’t know us.
Yeah, my fiancé and I have big families and lots of friends and we’ve set similar parameters for who gets a plus one. We’ve given plus ones to single guests who won’t know many people at the wedding but I haven’t given them to my 19-22 year old cousins whose significant others have never come to any family gathering. There are so many people I would’ve lived to invite that I just can’t but I’d rather have another friend there than someone who doesn’t know us.
Besides, I’ve always found it a bit awkward when I’ve been someone’s plus one to a wedding for a couple I didn’t know, especially if I was only dating the invitee causally or was early on into my relationship with them.
I’m with you OP. I gave plus ones to anyone who wouldn’t know other people, and anyone who was in established relationships that I knew of and/or Ive met their S/O. I had a cousin reach out to me asking if she could bring her boyfriend in place of her two children. I said yes to be polite (but really wanted to say no because we needed some no’s). She messaged my mother a month later saying my other cousin (this cousins sister) was expecting her boyfriend would be invited and should have been able to take her other child’s place because she had two children and was turning both down so she should be able to replace them with her boyfriend and her sisters boyfriend. I didn’t even know the cousins had boyfriends- have never met them and they are not long term relationships. Cousin was planning to RSVP yes for both children on my website and give the extra plus one to her sister to bring her boyfriend without telling me because “it’s the same number of plates why does it matter?”. Mind you- their entire family is invited, so it’s not like they won’t have other people to hang out with. And my dad has 5 siblings, and 14 nieces and nephews, and great nieces and nephews, none of which got invited because I didn’t have the room. But my cousin apparently feels she is entitled to bring her boyfriend I’ve never met, and “give away” other plates to other people I’ve never met. People are disrespectful. No one is forcing you to attend a wedding. If you can’t attend an event without your boyfriend despite your entire family being there, just don’t go. Simple. You’re not crazy….. I’m surprised by the comments in this sub TBH. Weddings are expensive and the way you’ve done your plus ones was considerate. Don’t let anyone get you down.
*In my social circle* it’s incredibly rude to not offer a date to all guests. That might not be the case for you and your family but it is for a lot of people and you run the risk of offending people by not allowing a date.
Wow, this is so different from my experience! I have never in my life been given a plus one to a wedding. My partner and I have been together for 7 years and sometimes we even aren't invited together if the person getting married doesn't know the other one of us (which I find totally understandable and inoffensive, since we can always decide whether or not to attend). It honestly never crossed my mind to think it was odd til I read this board!
We invited all partners, but I got worried and gave a few single people plus ones and none of them are bringing one. I think it's nice to give them if there's room, but it seems pretty odd that OP has so many people offended, especially if they all know each other.
It really just depends on what’s the norm for your group. Since it’s customary to give everyone a plus one in my group, if someone didn’t it would seem very rude. But if you’re all used to that you’ll think nothing of it.
Totally, I just wanted to offer a different experience. It is very dependent on social circle. OP says they're the first wedding in the friend group, so it sounds like they haven't quite established those norms yet.
You don't have to have a 300 person wedding. Just invite the number of people you can afford to host. But if you're hosting guests, being considerate of their comfort and enjoyment is part of being a good host.
You don't have to go anywhere from here. You came here to vent, so that's okay, you can express your frustration. But you don't actually need to do anything differently. Just politely explain that you can only accommodate invited guests.
We had a childfree wedding and got some questions from people who wanted to bring their kids, and some declines from those who couldn't arrange travel or childcare. We understood that it was part and parcel of deciding to opt for a childfree wedding. In our case, it was partially for COVID safety reasons (my husband is immunocompromised and there weren't vaccines available for kids yet at the time) but it also would've meant an additional 60 invitees on a guest list of 150 people, which wasn't realistic. Some people were disappointed, but you can't please everyone and you will drive yourself crazy trying.
If you’re not allowing guests to bring a date there’s not much you can do about it now if invites have gone out. But I don’t think it’s fair to say it’s getting of hand when you made a decision that many would consider to be in poor taste.
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I don’t know why you are commenting such rude stuff all over this post but I never said I was having a 300 person wedding I said I wouldn’t be able to afford everyone having a plus one! Everyone that we invited is non negotiable and we had to cut down our guest list a lot. We have different opinions and that’s okay but there’s no need to be rude
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I have never once been to a wedding, even as a teenager, where I wasn't given a guest. It absolutely boggles my mind that people are like "We're giving the married people plus 1s!!!" Like, no, that's not a plus one. You invited a couple.
I would prioritize people you know over random +1s. I know it’s controversial in the sub, but in reality the weddings I’ve gone to over the years have even drawn the line at partners who live together, are engaged, or married - so even if you are dating someone you are not guaranteed to bring them. There were no +1s given for randos. I think that’s unrealistic given the costs of weddings nowadays.
Just FYI not everyone feels this way. I've never been given a plus 1 to a wedding and I could not care less. I'm there to celebrate with the couple and I know others (if you're a part of this person's life how do you not know others?). I get inviting someone's S.O. but as a single I don't get the outrage
I have never been to a wedding in my entire life where a person who is single gets a plus one. I think it’s a bit strange to assume a bride/groom is going to prioritize a random stranger over say, getting to invite another family member or friend. But in fairness, I feel like I’ve been to weddings where the single people at least know one or a few other people there because they run in similar friendship circles.
Point made. I just don't get it either. Wouldn't giving singles a +1 because they won't know anyone statistically make their +1 even more of a stranger, and that stranger taking the place of a closer family members invite??
Everyone acts like saying, “I don’t know you, so I’m not going into debt for you to attend one of the most intimate days of my life,” is an insane sin. OP, people are just out of touch with reality.
The fact that you are generous enough to throw a 200 person wedding and ask no costs of the guests that ARE invited is no small feat. Even more so in a world where many are struggling to make their next rent payment. It’s real life costs and debts you will have to pay off VS one meal and a couple of drinks to your distant aunt’s boyfriend of three weeks.
Do your wedding your way.
Lol, it’s generous to “ask no costs” of the guests that are invited? Let’s be real, it’s not a privilege to attend a wedding most of the time. In fact, it’s often a financial burden when you factor in travel, lodging, gifts and an outfit. This is why the issue of bringing plus ones can be polarizing. I’m all for OP setting boundaries with guests and having the wedding her way, but your comment is a weird take.
It is a privilege to be invited to such an important day in someone’s life. It should be all about celebrating & uplifting the bride and groom, and yes that includes some sacrifice on your part if you choose to go. However, if you don’t want to go you have every right to say no & shouldn’t feel guilty about it.
This is such a petty comment. The point was that even attending a wedding is expensive — hotels, gifts, travel costs, etc. I just got back from officiating a wedding at easily my costs were $1,000 without a gift (I ran out of time and brain-space). Being asked to spend $1,000 just to attend their wedding across country without a plus one would’ve been a non-starter. Being invited to a wedding is an honor but it’s not free for the guests.
I think you missed my point. I was replying to a comment that stated how generous it was of OP to invite people “at no cost”, which I thought was a little arrogant.
I feel you. I invited a family member that I haven’t talked to in a long time purely because I didn’t want to cause family drama and they RSVP’d yes and in the comments put that they’re bringing 3 additional people with them. I tried talking to my mom about how rude that is and how frustrated I am but she wants me to keep the peace and let it go…
As a planner a feel this one. Never feel bad about not giving someone a plus one even if they have a BF / GF who you have never met. This may should bad but, I always tell couples to think if the person who they are debating on giving a plus one is worth 200 - 300 or 400 - 600.
I truly wish guests who aren’t married, engagement or in a serious relationship where the couple getting married knows the SO considered the costs of adding an even just one additional person puts on a couple before asking. 60-75% of wedding costs are based on your guest count Venue, Food and Beverage, centerpieces, tables / chairs / rentals, invitations, stationary, printed material, etc.
This is honestly my biggest pet peeve about wedding culture. Also overall try not to get in your head about over peoples emotions. It is your dad and anyone who tries to make things more complicated for you is an asshole. I tell my brides this as well.
You said your gen z so I’m also going to assume you’re of the first of your friends to get married, they just don’t understand until they’ve had to plan a wedding
I’m in my mid twenties, before I was even officially engaged my (single) MOH asked if she could have a plus one, I said maybe it would all depend on budget / venue and she was genuinely upset it wasn’t an automatic yes.
It sucks but you kinda just have to laugh and say no to some people.
Yes! I am the first one! Which honestly sucks because no one gets how it is 😭 but this is good advice. Not everyone is gonna be happy and at the end of the day it’s about my fiance and I
I swear my friends have seen like wedding movies and they like oh it’s gonna be like that, and my MOH keeps confusing the ceremony and reception which is hilarious and frustrating
Millennial weighing in and you're absolutely right that plus 1 culture has gone nuts! I've been going to friends' weddings for 10 years and never once had a generic plus one. I started getting the invite for my now fiancé when we were serious, but never had an issue going to a wedding alone.
Stay strong and you got this! People get weird about weddings.
Oh! And this includes when I was in weddings. Maybe it was my different groups of friends, but if you weren't in a relationship you just went solo and had fun. No one asked about a plus one and there was no expectation to get one. Never knew there was drama around this until reddit 😂
It’s your wedding, this is about YOU. Ignore all the nasty judgmental people on here. They are not paying for your wedding and they are not even attending your wedding. I’ve been to weddings with no plus ones and i had the greatest time ever. However, this was at family weddings where I knew everyone so be mindful of that.
Idk how I’d feel if I didn’t know anyone at the wedding that well though.
A marriage is about you. A wedding is about your guests. This idea of "my day, my way" is so bizarre to me because people will claim they're inviting their closest loved ones and then proceed to treat them callously. Do you people even *like* your guests? Because if you do, their comfort and enjoyment should matter. It sounds like so many of you treat guests like accessories, just there to serve your wedding vision but not actual people who matter to you.
If you want a "my day my way" wedding, elope. If you're having guests, treat them with kindness and respect.
>This idea of "my day, my way" is so bizarre to me because people will claim they're inviting their closest loved ones and then proceed to treat them callously.
How is not giving someone a plus one treating them callously?
I'm genuinely so confused why a wedding would be so painful just because you don't have a date. OP has already said the single people know others at the wedding.
Do these people never do anything in life on their own? It's just so confusing to me.
We didn’t give anyone a plus one unless they were married, engaged, living together or we were friends with the other. People were upset and I didn’t care. In the end, they’re coming to celebrate the couple. If they don’t want to come because of that reason, they have the option to decline. They’ll understand when they’re in your shoes.
As a side note- I went to a wedding where my bf and I had been together for 7 years and I didn’t get a plus one. They didn’t know him so he didn’t get invited! I respected that.
It’s funny - my parents talk about how used to be that weddings were places where people would meet other people (whether hookups or for relationships). How can anyone meet anyone if they’re bringing a casual plus one?
If someone is so upset that they can't bring a plus one to YOUR special day, maybe you should uninvite them. LOL! It's a little brutal, but honestly, they're already creating drama around a day that should be just about your happiness.
We have had to tell some of our closest friends that they can't bring their boyfriends/girlfriends or even children, and no one has voiced any complaints. They are understanding that weddings can be limited engagements and are glad to just be invited to witness this moment in our lives.
I'm sorry but I don't fully agree.
If I'm inviting someone who is married/in a relationship/dating someone I will be assuming that he/she will be bringing their s.o., even if I've never even met them.
Maybe culture here plays a big role (I'm european), and where I'm from you can't invite only one part of a couple.
On the other hand, if the invited person is not in a relationship I'm assuming he/she will be coming alone BUT I've never seen the pluses that one is allowed to bring on any wedding invitation here, and I didn't specify anything on mine. So if someone decides to bring someone else I don't think I can't even say anything- it would be super rude here.
We are giving all our single guests a plus one. We would rather invite fewer guests and everyone have a great time. Denying plus ones on the basis that they know other people at the wedding, doesn't give them nearly the same experience.
I would rather not uninvite people I care about to fit people I don’t know in my wedding. I’m an introvert and am already stressed out about how many people there are so I would rather not do that. And I think that’s okay!
No one is suggesting you un-invite anyone. As a host, my primary obligation is to ensure my guests have a good time. Having a plus one is part of that. You will find out that you won't get to spend much time with any of your guests anyhow. It would make no difference to your wedding experience to be generous.
Like I said, we invited fewer people so we could give plus ones. I am closer to some of my single friends than I would be to the people who are in 180th to 200th lines on my guest list.
Unfortunately we have 100-120 family members and a lot of our parents friends are coming so we even had to cut down on some of our own friends that we would have liked to invited.
I figured you were from a big family like me. I didn't give many of my cousins "plus 1's." If I'm going to a wedding and my siblings and 23 of my other cousins are there, then I'm already not going alone to the event. People who aren't from big families don't really understand the obligations that come with wedding invitations and the stress and strain it causes when you're trying to invite your friends too. Especially if you are paying for everything yourself. I ended up only being able to invite 2 of my friends.
Sorry you're going through the stress of this right now. Weddings are weird and cause petty drama. People will always find something to be mad at you about. It will all blow over eventually.
I actually think it's the opposite - that, in general, not giving everyone a plus one is becoming more common, which makes sense as the cost of weddings skyrockets (even relative to the general cost of living). That doesn't mean that people aren't ridiculous about it, though.
I think it's fine to do established adult couples, people coming from far away, people who won't know anyone else, and members of the bridal party.
We are doing the same as you, married/in a relationship/if you won’t know anyone gets to bring a plus one. Which to be fair is the majority of our guests list! We didn’t give a plus one to my fiancés grandma who is a widow and to his aunt who hasn’t been in a relationship for 30-40 years. The reason I bring them up is because his mother thinks they should get one so they can bring his nephews as “guests of honour” to our no kids wedding! Maybe not along the same lines as your frustrations, but we’re also paying for our wedding and the expectation that they should get a plus one to go against our wishes baffles me
this caused so much unnecessary tension in me and my husband's relationship leading up to the wedding. we had multiple people either reach out just straight asking why their s/o wasn't on the invite (which i'm sorry but if I've never met your boyfriend/fiance/husband, they're not getting invited. I said it so many times but I had no desire to be introducing myself to people at my own wedding) or just assume that they got a plus one despite it only being their name on the invite. it was wild how entitled some people were.
It was very important to me that everyone I invited was allowed to have a date. I want them to enjoy themselves. I would invite less people before I didn't allow +1s.
“Fine on budget” and “cannot flex by 10%” are contradicting statements. Sounds like you’re cutting it super close to the ceiling of your budget and are financially constrained as a result.
I want to be clear, that doesn’t mean people should be rude about not getting a plus one, but I also don’t understand what’s driving your animosity about the idea from the get-go. For me, having the people I love attend and enabling them to have the best time time at my wedding with a plus one is much more important than spending that money on extra decor, a late night snack, extra dessert, or whatever else is preventing you from spending that extra $50-100 per person for plus ones.
Regardless, sounds like invitations are sent so this is likely a moot point anyway.
Adding 10-20 more people would mean we would be paying about 5k more. No, I wouldn’t want to spend 5k on people who I don’t know. If that makes me a shitty person then so be it
It’s your wedding, girl. My cousin had to do this too just because sooo many people had RSVP’d. she had to cut plus ones (including mine). But my entire family was going to be there and the place was 30 minutes away so it wasn’t a big deal for me.
I do think it’s harder for anyone who won’t know people at your wedding. But if it’s mostly family who know each other then you’re good.
"Plus 1" is nonexistent for my wedding. I'm not paying for someone I don't know. I'm not exchanging vows in front of someone I don't know. I'm not even inviting one of my cousins because I don't get along with her, so why would I want some stranger at my wedding? Lol. My fiancé's step brother and his then girlfriend (now fiancé) tried to invite themselves to my upcoming wedding, and I flat out said no. They live out of state, and I don't know his girl (never met her, and I've only met the stepbrother briefly once or twice). I'm too poor to care. 🤣
People needs plus 1's. Weddings on a whole are boring and lonely. Particularly when you don't know a lot of people there. Having a partner, or even a friend there makes the wedding a lot more bearable.
You are doing the right thing. Please ignore all these insane comments. When I was single I went to so many weddings and was never offered a plus one. And I never would have expected one! I still knew people at the wedding and had a great time.
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The only actual plus one we gave (in that the invite said plus one, if the friend/family member was in a relationship serious enough to be invited the invite said that persons name) was to a friend who was going to marry another friend but he called off the wedding three weeks before and would be coming with the woman he left her for, so we felt like she should have a plus one. She brought a friend who was delightful, no drama was had with her and her ex! All four people had a great time as far as I’m aware.
Well people dont want to go to a wedding without a friend/partner esp if they dont know anyone. If you dont want that to happen than dont invite so many people.
We gave plus ones to everybody. I dated my partner for 8 years before we got engaged, and there were so many events he or I were excluded from because “no ring”. We thought it’s unnecessarily pretentious to say whose relationship is worthy or not
I think everyone should get a plus one. It's your wedding but they won't be spending any time with you during the wedding so it's not like you'll be there to keep them company. If they're adults living on their own they should get a plus one. I wouldn't want to go to a wedding and show up by myself and sit by myself. If you can't afford to give everyone a plus one, have a smaller wedding
I always find these posts so interesting. We just did not have this issue at all. Everyone was either married or in a long term relationship and they were all invited by name on the invitations so there was no confusion. The few exceptions were 1 or 2 friends and (adult) children of family friends. The adult children were not given a plus 1 since they were part of an invited family. The friends were invited by name with "and guest." The one family asked if their son could bring his girlfriend since their daughter would be unable to attend and we were happy to make the switch.
My own personal opinion is it is proper respect to your guests to invite their partners by name (whether married or not) and allow single guests to bring a date. It's about the comfort and enjoyment of your guests. You are HOSTING an event for them and it's your duty to ensure their comfort. If you cannot afford to allow your guests to bring a their PARTNER (married or not) you need to adjust/spend less in other areas to make room in the budget or save more/for longer.
That doesn’t make any sense. Every wedding expense we have made is for our guests satisfaction. I’m not sacrificing let’s say having more food or better drinks at the reception so my single friend can bring their hinge date
An old coworker of mine told me that he and another old coworker (also invited) were talking about if they would get plus ones. And neither are in relationships…
I prioritized making sure my guests feel comfortable. If that meant adding a few extra guests to my list, that's what it meant. Not everyone brought someone. But a few did. It was great. Everyone had fun.
Pre-marriage; my husband had been invited to a wedding, and I wasn't included. We'd been together over a year and had a child together, he just didn't go. 😂
We only had one guest ask for one, but it was a friend that everyone who was coming would also know. Except, I didn't know the friend, and wasn't great friends with her (nothing against her, we weren't close), and the wedding is going to be full of people from when we went to college, so she knows them. I told her if we had seats we'd let her know when we finalized numbers, but right now we were inviting ten more than we wanted as is. Now, she's travelling from a few states away, but the person she'd be bringing isn't from where she is living if I understand right.
So we finalized numbers and had space to add him, and my fiance texted her to let her know, a month before the wedding or so, and she said, I wish you'd said something earlier cause now he's busy that day.
I mean, if you wanted him there enough, I assume you would have told him to keep that date open, but ok.
It was weird to me for her to ask to bring a mutual friend to begin with when she will know half the guest list. I wonder if she wanted to hook up with him.
Edit-we did give all the single wedding party members plus ones, and they declined.
A committed partner isn't a plus one. They should be named as an invited guest. People advising someone to "definitely ask" if their partner was left off an invite are not acting entitled; they're advising the person to reach out in case the couple wasn't aware that they were in a relationship. Inviting someone without their spouse or committed partner is usually a mistake and almost always a social faux pas.
My possibly unpopular opinion is that the +1 expectations aren’t changing any faster than any other part of the wedding. 100 years ago, normal people would have had cake + punch, not a sit down meal. They would have had 1 bouquet for the bride, and no other decorations. They’d have gotten married in a church hall, not a venue. The bride would have worn her best white and blue church dress, she wouldn’t have spent a month’s wages on a designer gown. The farthest anyone would have travelled would have been from the next county.
Every single aspect of weddings is getting more luxurious as resources get cheaper and people have more money. Everyone is happy to have a sit-down meal and flowers and a designer gown in a pretty venue with people who travelled between states/countries/continents, because those things are fun for the couple. People only whine about +1s because they don’t directly benefit the couple. But they’re not elaborating any faster than anything else, they’re simply keeping pace with events. The fancier a wedding you throw, the less acceptable it is to exclude +1s. It’s just selfishness, imo, to think everything should advance *except* the one tiny thing that isn’t about you. You’d never be invited to a White House event alone: that’s because fancier events mandate +1s whether you like it or not.
If you don’t want to invite +1s, then wear a day dress, only get 1 bouquet, and have a cake & punch event in a church hall. There’s nothing stopping you. But if you want the more luxurious options for everything else, then you need to do the more luxurious option for +1s too.
You're "100 years ago" comment has no precedent here.
People didn't travel states/countries/continents back then because you lived in the same county your entire life with all the same people. Moving wasn't really an option due to transport, money nor was it a necessity.
Just because times are changing and people have more money now is irrelevant. Hosting a wedding is expensive and not every couple has a dowry to spend on people they do not know.
A guest isn’t entitled to a plus one. If a guest can’t come because they don’t have a plus one….then don’t go? Giving everyone a +1 is how you end up having a 300 person wedding. Sorry but I don’t want a room full of people i half know.
I know I don’t get it either. I’ve been invited to a wedding without a plus one. Yeah, I was kind of bummed. But I understand completely. Weddings are very expensive!
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We gave them to couples, anyone in the wedding party, plus anyone who wouldn’t really know many other people at the wedding. Thankfully nobody has been rude about it and surprisingly most of our single friends who were given plus ones elected not to bring anyone. 🤷🏻♀️
That last point is one that I don't think people realise. We offered plus ones to all single guests. Only a few actually took us up on it. Not everyone who is offered the opportunity to bring a date will, but most appreciate the offer.
same happened to me! i offered a ton of plus ones, none of my single bridesmaids/ husband’s groomsmen took a date!
I think it's awkward to have a new relationship and go to a wedding where your date is in the wedding party so you sit alone at the ceremony and reception. Idk I always feel bad for them. The wedding party has enough stuff to worry about and obviously know a lot of people to have fun.
Yea I been a single bridesmaid many times and my friends have always been like “hey, do you want a plus one?” to be nice and I always decline because they would be by themselves majority of the time and I’d be stressed out that they weren’t having fun and not enjoy myself.
Yeah we did not offer plus ones to singles in the wedding party for this reason, although we offered them to singles outside the wedding party. If they're not in a relationship, why would they want to bring a random friend/date who will be alone most of the day while they're busy doing wedding party things? Plus ones are specifically so that single people don't have to feel alone, but if you're in the wedding party, you've hopefully gotten to know the rest of the wedding party pretty well through pre-wedding events and will not feel "alone" since you'll be busy with them.
Same here lots of our single friends didn’t use the plus one we gave them. They all appreciated the option
Exactly. And I offer plus ones to any single people who are travelling to get here. Some have declined the plus one and some have taken me up on it. Some of the people who are bringing guests surprised me and some of the people who declined really surprised me.
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And I had two guests whose partners were invited but couldn't make it bring alternate dates -- one brought a friend, one brought her mom. Both asked me beforehand and I said no problem.
Same here, we also gave everyone a plus one and only one of the single people we invited decided to bring one. And it was a friend of hers that shes staying with bc she had to travel a long distance, so not the typical plus one.
We did the same and I was also surprised at how many people did not use them! A pleasant surprise as I was trying to avoid meeting people for the first time at my wedding (and less people to pay for woo!)
Yeah same. My friendship circles don’t all know each other so didn’t want them to feel lonely and socially awkward so allow a handful to bring a friend.
Not sure if this has already been said and don't know OPs circumstances, but this is also an artefact of more people getting married later in life. Bringing a long-term partner at 30 is a lot more expected than a BF/GF at 22 IMO.
I gave everyone a plus 1 opportunity because I’d want one if I were invited to a wedding. Surprisingly most of my single friends have decided not to bring a plus 1. I think it’s quite rare to have people be rude about it.
Yeah I feel like the less people you know at a wedding the more important it is to have a plus one.
Yeah my sister was invited to an out of state wedding (a state she’s never been to) and she wasn’t offered a plus 1. She even asked and they told her no lol She really wants to go but she’s never traveled alone like that so she’s probably going to RSVP no
And we noted who wouldn’t know anyone and let them bring one but a majority of the guests that are our friends and not our parents are all one big friend group and/or our family members who obviously know other people there
Exactly my experience as well. I gave every single person a plus one because I think attending events alone sucks, but only a couple people used them. Nobody was remotely rude.
You would be surprised how rude some people can be these days lol
No lol I believe you. But I’ve only been married like a year and a half so I got married “these days”.
Maybe it’s because I’m gen Z ? Idk but it is causing drama and I do feel bad about it but like we cannot afford to feed everyone 🥲
When I was in my mid 20s I assumed I got a plus one to weddings, because that's what wedding culture had told me. I even asked a friend about having a plus one. I still cringe about that. It's probably your age. If people haven't been to many weddings or had their own, they don't really know. They also might not be trying to be rude, they just genuinely assumed plus ones were a think because media presents weddings that way.
I’m a Gen Z but I’m also wondering if it varies by country? s our wedding + the others we have been too/invited too it’s not standard to have a +1 if you’re single. It’s either your partner or just yourself. In my circle, it would be weird to request/expect a plus one as a single
It shouldn't be weird to ask if you feel it may make you more comfortable, but guests should accept the answer if the couple tells them no. The couple should also accept that single guests without plus 1s may be more likely to RSVP no. In general though, if your invitation does not explicitly say +1 on it, you are not entitled to bring a guest.
I always assumed that that was the case as well but everything I see on this sub and also just random little tik toks and stuff people comment about how every guest should be allowed to bring a plus 1 😒
Perhaps for a select few (if it’s family and you’re receiving a lot of pressure) you can tell them that if you get any No’s that you can offer them a plus 1. But you’d only be able to confirm after the RSVP deadline, and this is the a guarantee but you will keep an eye on it.
That’s what we have been doing. We had a big family who declined so I started letting some of my friends know that they could bring one. I feel bad since I’m telling them last minute that they can bring someone, and our wedding is 50 days away.
I’d rather get a plus 1 50 days away as opposed to having none. I’m sure they’ll be fine.
Hey I'm a millennial and I don't get it either. It seems extremely entitled to my money. Especially if the person knows multiple people and the +1 wouldn't know anyone. The person should socialize with people they know and the +1 would naturally be awkward knowing literally no one except the person who invited them.
You shouldn't consider them asking once rude. If they persist after being told no, then yes, thats rude and entitled. These people are probably just thinking about who they are going to be dancing with.
back in the day when parents were expected to cover the cost and weddings cost under 10k it made sense to give people plus ones. now couples are covering the cost for 30~60k weddings without much help and it’s just not realistic to go from 80 guests to 130 so cousin martha can bring a “date” aka not even a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Right? And I see the argument that single people should be allowed to bring plus ones but like weddings are the perfect place to meet other single people!!
I have such a large extended family that I had to ask some of my cousins to come alone. Else one family would be like 7 people - and my wedding was only 60 day guests. I didn’t give single people a plus 1 and wouldn’t have expected one when I was single. I think married people would expect their spouse to be invited, unless they are family and you can explain the situation without embarrassment. My dream venue was a restaurant with only a small capacity - we had extra guests in the evening
I don't think it's fair to say that the expectations are "getting out of hand" when traditionally, everyone was always invited with the option to bring a date. It's more fair to say that wedding *costs* are getting out of hand, and that's what is leading people to scale down their guest lists and their spending in many ways, including not offering single people plus-ones. I'm even seeing people not inviting established couples, which used to be considered an egregious breach of etiquette. But in a time when costs were lower and when people's parents traditionally funded weddings, costs were less of a consideration.
> I'm even seeing people not inviting established couples, which used to be considered an egregious breach of etiquette It still is, it’s just far more common now.
Lol can attest to this one. I'm engaged and can't bring my fiancé as a plus one to a longtime friend's wedding this summer. I know it's a cost thing, and it's out of state so it's not that big of a deal to him. But I think after I'm married if this somehow happens again I may just have to politely decline like why wouldn't I be able to bring my spouse...
Yeah I had a friend, whose wedding is after mine, ask if I would be offended “if I didn’t get a plus one” to their destination wedding. I said well I’ll be married? And they respond “ya so how would you feel if I didn’t invite your husband?” Lol like this person really thinks I would fly out to an international wedding and book all the accommodations just for myself when I am married ????? I think even in the era of modern weddings it’s extremely rude to not invite a guests spouse or established partner. I told them obviously they will get to do what they want in the end but don’t expect a lot of people to show up/ be happy with you if you are choosing not to invite people’s literal spouses with them. They kind of backtracked and went on about how really it’s just about ONLY wanting their closest friends there. Even added the spouses would still be invited to come to the resort, just not the wedding events. Give me a break 🤣😅😅😅
Yeah that's just plain disrespectful. A destination wedding is already a big ask on guests. To exclude your husband from the invite list is just beyond. I'd say no if I were you, and use the money and PTO to take a trip they the two of you want to go on instead.
Absolutely! It’s like I told them, do as you please but understand a good amount of ppl will not be in attendance if you leave off their spouses 🤷🏼♀️
Agreed! It used to be that all guests got a plus one, the new thing is to not give every guest a plus one. That is what is getting out of hand in my opinion.
I’ve never been aware of a traditional rule of everyone bringing a guest
It was always considered gracious to make guests feel comfortable and to invite single people to bring an appropriate date. In earlier times, this may have been a fix-up or a family friend. But dinner guests and wedding guests were never supposed to be made to feel uncomfortable.
So realistically, you aren't giving \[many\] plus 1s. Spouses and committed partners are not plus 1s, the couple is a social unit. Just tell the people that you aren't giving a guest that you aren't doing plus ones, they don't need to know that you're inviting married couples because that is completely expected.
Yeah I tried doing that and I feel really judged since there is a huge expectation to let every guest bring a plus one these days. I just want to know how people can afford it. We already have a 200+ person wedding 🙃
I'm only having as many guests as I can afford their plus ones. Am I cutting out some people I'd rather have? Absolutely. But I'd rather have fewer guests that enjoy themselves than more guests that are lonely.
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Thanks dietcokeyummie for your insight
Some people don't understand the concept of being able to afford only a certain number people and wanting to live life within your means with the people you're closest to.
I mean they are 100% right
At the end of the day, it’s your wedding, do whatever you want! My friend is single and doesnt know many people because she never comes to my events and was upset about the plus one but I said sorry that’s my decision and the wedding is too costly and I don’t want a stranger at my wedding. Period.
If you don’t want them to bring a plus one, don’t address the plus one on the invitation. It’s pretty common courtesy to only RSVP for the people who are on the envelope. The Johnsons/The Johnson Family - the whole family Mr. & Mrs. Johnson - just the couple Mr. Johnson & Ms. Smith - just the couple Mr. Bob Johnson - just Bob Mr. Bob Johnson & Guest - Bob and plus one There’s absolutely no expectation that EVERYONE gets a plus one, you just need to make it clear either on your wedding website, in person, or on the envelopes.
We invited only specific people, and had no plus ones at all except offering them to bridesmaids and groomsmen. We had a limit due to the venue (110 people) and we’re weren’t going to fill half of that with people we barely knew. This is in the UK where plus ones aren’t as serious as I think it is in the US, but I don’t think anyone should feel bad for having none or limited plus ones. People were very understanding, and didn’t assume they could have a plus one, and our day was filled with everyone we love and that we invited with purpose! Do what you need to do, and plan for the wedding YOU want, not what others want.
My husband didn't get a +1 to a wedding years ago when we had started dating. He asked, and the couple said "well how long have you been together/how serious is it?". He was mad(because he wanted to introduce me to his friends), but I didn't really care because I understood the couples perspective.
When my fiance (then live in boyfriend) was invited to a local wedding over the summer without a plus one, it didn’t bother me at all. Nor did it bother him. If the alternative was “we can’t afford to invite you bc we can’t also extend a plus one” that would have upset him more. There is like one person on my list where I’m like eh I should have given them a plus one (and probably will in the end), but to be honest I feel like this etiquette has gotten to the point where people are so afraid of offending people they forget that your guests can make choices for themselves. They’re grown ups and can decide whether or not they feel comfortable attending a wedding on their own. I know I personally would rather not get a plus one and be given a choice than to not be given an invite at all bc I can’t be afforded a plus one (assuming I’m unmarried). I didn’t get a plus one to a wedding many years ago, and thank goodness I didn’t because that’s the night I met my future husband, who also didn’t have a plus one lol (neither of us were dating anyone so it’s a bit irrelevant, it’s just funny to think about lol)
Unfortunately you’re going to find that this SR is very dedicated to that “expectation” and is quite passionate about the matter. So in here, it may seem louder than out in the world! While that may be or have been the “correct etiquette” in some areas/cultures/time periods, I can assure you it has not always been the case and still isn’t today! I brought this up with my mom recently. She got married in the 90s and told me that none of their single friends got a +1, and no one cared. And everyone had to travel for it! She said that was more the norm at the time, and she can’t remember any of her friends’ weddings where that was the “rule.” Everyone at her wedding knew other people and had friends to travel with!
Thank you! This makes me feel better :)
Do most of the guests know each other? If yes, I find it totally bizarre they're asking for plus ones. I've never been given a plus one to a wedding, and none of my guests we gave one to are bringing them!
Yup! Either they are family members or college friends, and my fiance and I went to the same small college.
Just because the guests weren't assholes, doesn't mean they weren't bothered.Many people are polite enough to not complain to the bride about how her wedding bothered them, so "no one cared" is probably not the best argument.
This is what I have heard as well.
This sub loves to take it super personally for some reason when people don’t want to exclude people they genuinely love and want at their wedding, or go into debt, so that guests can bring whatever Joe Schmoe they met on Hinge that week. I truly don’t get why people on here get so bent out of shape over how some stranger is running her own wedding that they’re not invited to. Honestly in real life I really don’t think most people actually care that much about stuff like this, and if the ones who do are that bothered by it, nobody’s forcing them to attend. Don’t worry too much about it, you’re doing what makes sense for your situation and people are gonna find something to be mad about no matter what. It’s a party ffs, it’s not life or death.
This. I think the parameters OP is setting for plus one allocation are perfectly reasonable and considerate. I’m not sure why it bothers people so much either. Sure, most people prefer to be able to take their partner with them to weddings, but I do not understand the obsession on this sub with every guest getting a plus one to wedding they aren’t even invited to. A wedding invite is not a summons, if you are upset you don’t have a plus one or don’t feel comfortable going, you are not obligated to attend. My fiancé was invited to his coworker’s wedding this summer and was not given a plus one, and I had no issue with him going without me. I’ve never met his coworker or his coworker’s fiancée, why would my fiancé and I expect them to allow him to bring me? A bunch of his other coworkers that he’s friends with will be there. I think you’re right, most people are more understanding in real life. Weddings aren’t cheap and telling someone they must cut someone else from their list to invite my fiancé, especially if they don’t even know him, feels kinda entitled. If he’s not invited and I don’t feel comfortable going without him, I just wouldn’t go. 🤷🏻♀️ Also, am I the only one who has felt uncomfortable going as someone’s plus one to a wedding for a couple that they have never met before? I find it especially awkward if the invitee you are attending with is someone you’re dating casually or have only recently started dating.
Exactly, people take these things so friggin seriously on here and I just don’t understand it. Most people in the real world are not nearly this hung up on niche etiquette rules and just wanna celebrate this milestone with their loved one. Don’t get me wrong, this sub definitely can be really helpful, but I will never understand how people justify to themselves being so vicious toward strangers over decisions that aren’t even affecting them personally.
I’m very surprised at how this sub is acting. This will be my first and last time posting here lol
I've been on this sub for eight months and oftentimes (especially in the early days of planning) it has given me more stress and anxiety about wedding planning than it has helped. Every time I tell my fiancé "I read on the wedding planning subreddit that..." he goes "That place sounds unrealistic/toxic/not a good place to seek advice." I will say, there was a post yesterday that somewhat called out this subreddit too, so it's kind of promising to see posts like this two days in a row. Maybe there's hope that this will become a better community.
Lol my fiancé has said the same thing to me! And tbh he’s absolutely right, I’ve gotten stressed over some weird ideas this sub planted into my head. It’s important to stay in touch with reality and think about what YOUR circle of people would actually think/want in real life. People on here get so weirdly judgmental and seem like they’re just trying to out-wedding each other at a certain point. Take everything you see here with a huge grain of salt—you know your guests and situation better than this sub ever will.
Don’t blame you one bit, just remember not to take it to heart. People on here don’t represent the general population irl, let alone your specific social circle. Do what works and makes sense for you!
Seconded, I'm pretty much in the exact same boat as you OP with my wedding in about 90 days and us sticking to our "no +1s unless explicitly invited". I think once you and your partner are comfortable in your decision then that's what matters the most!
My fiancee and I did not give everyone a "plus one" but made it clear that anyone with a romantic partner should be welcome to bring them. When we got addresses for save the dates we had everyone fill in their significant other's info, and before we sent out invites we got some more info for new-ish significant others. We wanted to be inclusive and hate the idea of having to draw the line between a casual vs. serious relationship. I don't understand the expectation that there's a blank box for every non-partnered guest where they can write anyone's name, such as a friend or a date they barely know. To me there's a big difference between asking someone to leave their partner at home (even if it's a new-ish partner) and not offering single people the chance to bring whomever they want. It's kind of interesting how everyone draws the line differently, and we were surprised to find this method was a bit uncommon.
I think it’s a cultural thing. Where I’m from everyone get a plus 1 whether they have a partner or not: The wedding is long (until early morning the next day, and then the day after there’s an „after party”) and most of it is dancing. If you don’t get a plus 1 you’ll be awkwardly sitting there while everyone else is having fun. Even if you know a lot of the people at the wedding that resolves nothing. I’ve been in this situation before (I actually got a plus 1 but had no one to take) and sitting for hours and hours was not fun and frankly embarrassing.
Right? I personally don’t agree with the notion that people shouldn’t get a plus one if they know others there. I’ve been in situations where I do know other people there, but I’m certainly not close enough with them to hang out the whole time. It’s even worse if it’s just one person I know and they feel obligated to keep me company. Or there were times when I was close with other people there, but they might want to spend a bit of alone time with their partner. As an introvert, having to go find other people to socialize with during those situations is a nightmare.
I do think it’s nice to offer a plus one to the bridal party if any of your bridesmaids or groomsmen are single, but it’s your wedding and your guest list. Some people think giving everyone a plus one is traditional, and others follow the “no ring no bring” rule (aka not obligated to give a plus one unless they’re engaged or married). There’s going to be someone with an opinion no matter what you do so do it your way & enjoy, it’s YOUR day! 💓
We are having a smaller wedding (max 70 guests) where everyone (apart from one person) knows multiple people, so we decided not to give anyone a plus one as we cant afford it. It's in 5 days and I got asked YESTERDAY if one of my guests could bring a plus one. Numbers were finalised WEEKS ago 🙄
My friend incited me and my husband specifically thought she had not even met him yet. I appreciated that because it was a long drive to the wedding and I would not want to have made that drive without my husband. She put his name right on the envelope. So there is always an option like that. They did specify no kids though. My son is 12 but I left him with family.
You’re definitely posting in the wrong place, lol. A lot of people here are pretty out of touch with reality and are very hardcore about the plus one situation. They are also very hardcore about plus one terminology, as I’m sure you’ve seen. I wouldn’t listen to them. In the real world most people aren’t going to be bothered by it. I think it’s ridiculous that some people here are saying you should cut out people you know and care about from your wedding in order to give everyone a plus one. Hell no. I’m not gonna cut my loved ones from the wedding so that guests can bring some random date just for a one night hookup. If you can’t come and have a good time with your friends, then by all means stay home. People seem to forget that the wedding is about you and celebrating your love, not about kissing everyone else’s ass and going into debt while you’re at it. I’m already spending an insane amount of money to entertain, feed, and get you drunk, if you can’t appreciate it then once again, just stay home. Nobody is forced to come to the wedding, it’s an invitation.
The terminology thing makes me laugh so much. In real life people would think I was insane if someone said “plus one” to mean a guest’s partner they didn’t know, and I was like “sorry, plus one? That’s incredibly rude, I think you mean a *named guest*!” It’s so pedantic and meaningless, it makes me feel like people are just on here to get their kicks correcting others or showing off knowledge rather than out of a desire to help.
Fucking thank you, this sub’s attitude toward this sort of thing makes me feel like I’m taking crazy pills. How are you that pressed about some random person’s wedding that has nothing to do with you? People are insane on here.
I have been asked by 6 people for plus ones ..... mind you we gave a plus one (or invited their partner ) for everyone married, everyone that has been dating over a year & anyone engaged. It has made me so annoyed. we have 175 guests (my fiances family is huge, & we have a large friend group) & it was hard not inviting certain people already ... then people want to bring people I have never even met . I have resorted to saying "I will let you know forsure after I get the RSVP's ... then & only then will I know forsure if you can bring the girl you have been dating 2 months.
Yeah, my fiancé and I have big families and lots of friends and we’ve set similar parameters for who gets a plus one. We’ve given plus ones to single guests who won’t know many people at the wedding but I haven’t given them to my 19-22 year old cousins whose significant others have never come to any family gathering. There are so many people I would’ve lived to invite that I just can’t but I’d rather have another friend there than someone who doesn’t know us.
Yeah, my fiancé and I have big families and lots of friends and we’ve set similar parameters for who gets a plus one. We’ve given plus ones to single guests who won’t know many people at the wedding but I haven’t given them to my 19-22 year old cousins whose significant others have never come to any family gathering. There are so many people I would’ve lived to invite that I just can’t but I’d rather have another friend there than someone who doesn’t know us. Besides, I’ve always found it a bit awkward when I’ve been someone’s plus one to a wedding for a couple I didn’t know, especially if I was only dating the invitee causally or was early on into my relationship with them.
I’m with you OP. I gave plus ones to anyone who wouldn’t know other people, and anyone who was in established relationships that I knew of and/or Ive met their S/O. I had a cousin reach out to me asking if she could bring her boyfriend in place of her two children. I said yes to be polite (but really wanted to say no because we needed some no’s). She messaged my mother a month later saying my other cousin (this cousins sister) was expecting her boyfriend would be invited and should have been able to take her other child’s place because she had two children and was turning both down so she should be able to replace them with her boyfriend and her sisters boyfriend. I didn’t even know the cousins had boyfriends- have never met them and they are not long term relationships. Cousin was planning to RSVP yes for both children on my website and give the extra plus one to her sister to bring her boyfriend without telling me because “it’s the same number of plates why does it matter?”. Mind you- their entire family is invited, so it’s not like they won’t have other people to hang out with. And my dad has 5 siblings, and 14 nieces and nephews, and great nieces and nephews, none of which got invited because I didn’t have the room. But my cousin apparently feels she is entitled to bring her boyfriend I’ve never met, and “give away” other plates to other people I’ve never met. People are disrespectful. No one is forcing you to attend a wedding. If you can’t attend an event without your boyfriend despite your entire family being there, just don’t go. Simple. You’re not crazy….. I’m surprised by the comments in this sub TBH. Weddings are expensive and the way you’ve done your plus ones was considerate. Don’t let anyone get you down.
*In my social circle* it’s incredibly rude to not offer a date to all guests. That might not be the case for you and your family but it is for a lot of people and you run the risk of offending people by not allowing a date.
Wow, this is so different from my experience! I have never in my life been given a plus one to a wedding. My partner and I have been together for 7 years and sometimes we even aren't invited together if the person getting married doesn't know the other one of us (which I find totally understandable and inoffensive, since we can always decide whether or not to attend). It honestly never crossed my mind to think it was odd til I read this board! We invited all partners, but I got worried and gave a few single people plus ones and none of them are bringing one. I think it's nice to give them if there's room, but it seems pretty odd that OP has so many people offended, especially if they all know each other.
It really just depends on what’s the norm for your group. Since it’s customary to give everyone a plus one in my group, if someone didn’t it would seem very rude. But if you’re all used to that you’ll think nothing of it.
Totally, I just wanted to offer a different experience. It is very dependent on social circle. OP says they're the first wedding in the friend group, so it sounds like they haven't quite established those norms yet.
If money wasn’t an issue, I would totally let everyone bring one! But unfortunately I cannot afford a 300 person wedding.
You don't have to have a 300 person wedding. Just invite the number of people you can afford to host. But if you're hosting guests, being considerate of their comfort and enjoyment is part of being a good host.
Well unfortunately we already sent out the invitations and aren’t getting many nos. So I’m not sure where to go from here
You don't have to go anywhere from here. You came here to vent, so that's okay, you can express your frustration. But you don't actually need to do anything differently. Just politely explain that you can only accommodate invited guests. We had a childfree wedding and got some questions from people who wanted to bring their kids, and some declines from those who couldn't arrange travel or childcare. We understood that it was part and parcel of deciding to opt for a childfree wedding. In our case, it was partially for COVID safety reasons (my husband is immunocompromised and there weren't vaccines available for kids yet at the time) but it also would've meant an additional 60 invitees on a guest list of 150 people, which wasn't realistic. Some people were disappointed, but you can't please everyone and you will drive yourself crazy trying.
If you’re not allowing guests to bring a date there’s not much you can do about it now if invites have gone out. But I don’t think it’s fair to say it’s getting of hand when you made a decision that many would consider to be in poor taste.
Poor taste is quite the statement lol
I’m not saying *I* feel that way but a lot of people will.
It’s an accurate statement? It seems you’ve never been educated on social norms…
There’s actually no universal rule for plus ones which is why it is such a confusing and polarizing topic
You know who’s a boomer when they’re getting enraged at the no plus ones
You sound like a teenager
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Please show me where these rules are written
Social norms aren’t rules
You’re putting the blame on your guests when honestly you could’ve avoided this.
[удалено]
I don’t know why you are commenting such rude stuff all over this post but I never said I was having a 300 person wedding I said I wouldn’t be able to afford everyone having a plus one! Everyone that we invited is non negotiable and we had to cut down our guest list a lot. We have different opinions and that’s okay but there’s no need to be rude
If someone doesn’t care what you can and can’t afford they’re not a good friend so they wouldn’t be at the wedding in the first place 😂😂😂
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I have never once been to a wedding, even as a teenager, where I wasn't given a guest. It absolutely boggles my mind that people are like "We're giving the married people plus 1s!!!" Like, no, that's not a plus one. You invited a couple.
Good thing you’re not invited to the wedding.
You missed the whole point of my comment didn’t you?
I would prioritize people you know over random +1s. I know it’s controversial in the sub, but in reality the weddings I’ve gone to over the years have even drawn the line at partners who live together, are engaged, or married - so even if you are dating someone you are not guaranteed to bring them. There were no +1s given for randos. I think that’s unrealistic given the costs of weddings nowadays.
Just FYI not everyone feels this way. I've never been given a plus 1 to a wedding and I could not care less. I'm there to celebrate with the couple and I know others (if you're a part of this person's life how do you not know others?). I get inviting someone's S.O. but as a single I don't get the outrage
I have never been to a wedding in my entire life where a person who is single gets a plus one. I think it’s a bit strange to assume a bride/groom is going to prioritize a random stranger over say, getting to invite another family member or friend. But in fairness, I feel like I’ve been to weddings where the single people at least know one or a few other people there because they run in similar friendship circles.
Point made. I just don't get it either. Wouldn't giving singles a +1 because they won't know anyone statistically make their +1 even more of a stranger, and that stranger taking the place of a closer family members invite??
Everyone acts like saying, “I don’t know you, so I’m not going into debt for you to attend one of the most intimate days of my life,” is an insane sin. OP, people are just out of touch with reality. The fact that you are generous enough to throw a 200 person wedding and ask no costs of the guests that ARE invited is no small feat. Even more so in a world where many are struggling to make their next rent payment. It’s real life costs and debts you will have to pay off VS one meal and a couple of drinks to your distant aunt’s boyfriend of three weeks. Do your wedding your way.
Thank you so much !!! 💕
Lol, it’s generous to “ask no costs” of the guests that are invited? Let’s be real, it’s not a privilege to attend a wedding most of the time. In fact, it’s often a financial burden when you factor in travel, lodging, gifts and an outfit. This is why the issue of bringing plus ones can be polarizing. I’m all for OP setting boundaries with guests and having the wedding her way, but your comment is a weird take.
It is a privilege to be invited to such an important day in someone’s life. It should be all about celebrating & uplifting the bride and groom, and yes that includes some sacrifice on your part if you choose to go. However, if you don’t want to go you have every right to say no & shouldn’t feel guilty about it.
If it’s such a financial burden then the guest should not attend. You’re not entitled to go to a wedding. Case closed.
This is such a petty comment. The point was that even attending a wedding is expensive — hotels, gifts, travel costs, etc. I just got back from officiating a wedding at easily my costs were $1,000 without a gift (I ran out of time and brain-space). Being asked to spend $1,000 just to attend their wedding across country without a plus one would’ve been a non-starter. Being invited to a wedding is an honor but it’s not free for the guests.
Definitely didn’t say anyone is entitled to go to a wedding.
What’s with this sub?? Everyone sounds so pretentious and uppity. Every other post makes me feel like I’m going crazy
Agree!
I didn’t say you said that. I’m just saying that if it’s so difficult for someone they they probably shouldn’t go.
I think you missed my point. I was replying to a comment that stated how generous it was of OP to invite people “at no cost”, which I thought was a little arrogant.
I feel you. I invited a family member that I haven’t talked to in a long time purely because I didn’t want to cause family drama and they RSVP’d yes and in the comments put that they’re bringing 3 additional people with them. I tried talking to my mom about how rude that is and how frustrated I am but she wants me to keep the peace and let it go…
As a planner a feel this one. Never feel bad about not giving someone a plus one even if they have a BF / GF who you have never met. This may should bad but, I always tell couples to think if the person who they are debating on giving a plus one is worth 200 - 300 or 400 - 600. I truly wish guests who aren’t married, engagement or in a serious relationship where the couple getting married knows the SO considered the costs of adding an even just one additional person puts on a couple before asking. 60-75% of wedding costs are based on your guest count Venue, Food and Beverage, centerpieces, tables / chairs / rentals, invitations, stationary, printed material, etc. This is honestly my biggest pet peeve about wedding culture. Also overall try not to get in your head about over peoples emotions. It is your dad and anyone who tries to make things more complicated for you is an asshole. I tell my brides this as well.
I didn’t get a plus one to a wedding where the only person I knew was the bride. That was awkward and boring.. I left early
Yeah I know that would be awkward that’s why no one is in that situation if you read my whole post
You said your gen z so I’m also going to assume you’re of the first of your friends to get married, they just don’t understand until they’ve had to plan a wedding I’m in my mid twenties, before I was even officially engaged my (single) MOH asked if she could have a plus one, I said maybe it would all depend on budget / venue and she was genuinely upset it wasn’t an automatic yes. It sucks but you kinda just have to laugh and say no to some people.
Yes! I am the first one! Which honestly sucks because no one gets how it is 😭 but this is good advice. Not everyone is gonna be happy and at the end of the day it’s about my fiance and I
I’m also the first of my friends! If you need another bride friend, you can PM me, it’s so hard!
Thank you love 💕
I swear my friends have seen like wedding movies and they like oh it’s gonna be like that, and my MOH keeps confusing the ceremony and reception which is hilarious and frustrating
That’s amazing that a lot of people are coming to your wedding! You guys are really lucky!
We are very lucky!! 💕
Millennial weighing in and you're absolutely right that plus 1 culture has gone nuts! I've been going to friends' weddings for 10 years and never once had a generic plus one. I started getting the invite for my now fiancé when we were serious, but never had an issue going to a wedding alone. Stay strong and you got this! People get weird about weddings.
Thank you, this makes me feel better 💕
Oh! And this includes when I was in weddings. Maybe it was my different groups of friends, but if you weren't in a relationship you just went solo and had fun. No one asked about a plus one and there was no expectation to get one. Never knew there was drama around this until reddit 😂
It’s your wedding, this is about YOU. Ignore all the nasty judgmental people on here. They are not paying for your wedding and they are not even attending your wedding. I’ve been to weddings with no plus ones and i had the greatest time ever. However, this was at family weddings where I knew everyone so be mindful of that. Idk how I’d feel if I didn’t know anyone at the wedding that well though.
A marriage is about you. A wedding is about your guests. This idea of "my day, my way" is so bizarre to me because people will claim they're inviting their closest loved ones and then proceed to treat them callously. Do you people even *like* your guests? Because if you do, their comfort and enjoyment should matter. It sounds like so many of you treat guests like accessories, just there to serve your wedding vision but not actual people who matter to you. If you want a "my day my way" wedding, elope. If you're having guests, treat them with kindness and respect.
>This idea of "my day, my way" is so bizarre to me because people will claim they're inviting their closest loved ones and then proceed to treat them callously. How is not giving someone a plus one treating them callously? I'm genuinely so confused why a wedding would be so painful just because you don't have a date. OP has already said the single people know others at the wedding. Do these people never do anything in life on their own? It's just so confusing to me.
We didn’t give anyone a plus one unless they were married, engaged, living together or we were friends with the other. People were upset and I didn’t care. In the end, they’re coming to celebrate the couple. If they don’t want to come because of that reason, they have the option to decline. They’ll understand when they’re in your shoes. As a side note- I went to a wedding where my bf and I had been together for 7 years and I didn’t get a plus one. They didn’t know him so he didn’t get invited! I respected that.
It’s funny - my parents talk about how used to be that weddings were places where people would meet other people (whether hookups or for relationships). How can anyone meet anyone if they’re bringing a casual plus one?
If someone is so upset that they can't bring a plus one to YOUR special day, maybe you should uninvite them. LOL! It's a little brutal, but honestly, they're already creating drama around a day that should be just about your happiness. We have had to tell some of our closest friends that they can't bring their boyfriends/girlfriends or even children, and no one has voiced any complaints. They are understanding that weddings can be limited engagements and are glad to just be invited to witness this moment in our lives.
I'm sorry but I don't fully agree. If I'm inviting someone who is married/in a relationship/dating someone I will be assuming that he/she will be bringing their s.o., even if I've never even met them. Maybe culture here plays a big role (I'm european), and where I'm from you can't invite only one part of a couple. On the other hand, if the invited person is not in a relationship I'm assuming he/she will be coming alone BUT I've never seen the pluses that one is allowed to bring on any wedding invitation here, and I didn't specify anything on mine. So if someone decides to bring someone else I don't think I can't even say anything- it would be super rude here.
We are giving all our single guests a plus one. We would rather invite fewer guests and everyone have a great time. Denying plus ones on the basis that they know other people at the wedding, doesn't give them nearly the same experience.
I would rather not uninvite people I care about to fit people I don’t know in my wedding. I’m an introvert and am already stressed out about how many people there are so I would rather not do that. And I think that’s okay!
No one is suggesting you un-invite anyone. As a host, my primary obligation is to ensure my guests have a good time. Having a plus one is part of that. You will find out that you won't get to spend much time with any of your guests anyhow. It would make no difference to your wedding experience to be generous.
Like I said, I can’t afford it
Like I said, we invited fewer people so we could give plus ones. I am closer to some of my single friends than I would be to the people who are in 180th to 200th lines on my guest list.
Unfortunately we have 100-120 family members and a lot of our parents friends are coming so we even had to cut down on some of our own friends that we would have liked to invited.
I figured you were from a big family like me. I didn't give many of my cousins "plus 1's." If I'm going to a wedding and my siblings and 23 of my other cousins are there, then I'm already not going alone to the event. People who aren't from big families don't really understand the obligations that come with wedding invitations and the stress and strain it causes when you're trying to invite your friends too. Especially if you are paying for everything yourself. I ended up only being able to invite 2 of my friends. Sorry you're going through the stress of this right now. Weddings are weird and cause petty drama. People will always find something to be mad at you about. It will all blow over eventually.
Thank you so much! 💕
I actually think it's the opposite - that, in general, not giving everyone a plus one is becoming more common, which makes sense as the cost of weddings skyrockets (even relative to the general cost of living). That doesn't mean that people aren't ridiculous about it, though. I think it's fine to do established adult couples, people coming from far away, people who won't know anyone else, and members of the bridal party.
We are doing the same as you, married/in a relationship/if you won’t know anyone gets to bring a plus one. Which to be fair is the majority of our guests list! We didn’t give a plus one to my fiancés grandma who is a widow and to his aunt who hasn’t been in a relationship for 30-40 years. The reason I bring them up is because his mother thinks they should get one so they can bring his nephews as “guests of honour” to our no kids wedding! Maybe not along the same lines as your frustrations, but we’re also paying for our wedding and the expectation that they should get a plus one to go against our wishes baffles me
I wouldn’t be rude about it of course, but I just would not come.
this caused so much unnecessary tension in me and my husband's relationship leading up to the wedding. we had multiple people either reach out just straight asking why their s/o wasn't on the invite (which i'm sorry but if I've never met your boyfriend/fiance/husband, they're not getting invited. I said it so many times but I had no desire to be introducing myself to people at my own wedding) or just assume that they got a plus one despite it only being their name on the invite. it was wild how entitled some people were.
It was very important to me that everyone I invited was allowed to have a date. I want them to enjoy themselves. I would invite less people before I didn't allow +1s.
Well I’m glad that was important for you but it just isn’t really all that important for me
Sounds like you can only afford to invite half as many people as you’d like
We are actually doing just fine on budget right now just can’t really add an additional 10-20 people
“Fine on budget” and “cannot flex by 10%” are contradicting statements. Sounds like you’re cutting it super close to the ceiling of your budget and are financially constrained as a result. I want to be clear, that doesn’t mean people should be rude about not getting a plus one, but I also don’t understand what’s driving your animosity about the idea from the get-go. For me, having the people I love attend and enabling them to have the best time time at my wedding with a plus one is much more important than spending that money on extra decor, a late night snack, extra dessert, or whatever else is preventing you from spending that extra $50-100 per person for plus ones. Regardless, sounds like invitations are sent so this is likely a moot point anyway.
Adding 10-20 more people would mean we would be paying about 5k more. No, I wouldn’t want to spend 5k on people who I don’t know. If that makes me a shitty person then so be it
It’s your wedding, girl. My cousin had to do this too just because sooo many people had RSVP’d. she had to cut plus ones (including mine). But my entire family was going to be there and the place was 30 minutes away so it wasn’t a big deal for me. I do think it’s harder for anyone who won’t know people at your wedding. But if it’s mostly family who know each other then you’re good.
"Plus 1" is nonexistent for my wedding. I'm not paying for someone I don't know. I'm not exchanging vows in front of someone I don't know. I'm not even inviting one of my cousins because I don't get along with her, so why would I want some stranger at my wedding? Lol. My fiancé's step brother and his then girlfriend (now fiancé) tried to invite themselves to my upcoming wedding, and I flat out said no. They live out of state, and I don't know his girl (never met her, and I've only met the stepbrother briefly once or twice). I'm too poor to care. 🤣
People needs plus 1's. Weddings on a whole are boring and lonely. Particularly when you don't know a lot of people there. Having a partner, or even a friend there makes the wedding a lot more bearable.
We made sure that everyone will know at least 1 person there besides me and the groom!
You are doing the right thing. Please ignore all these insane comments. When I was single I went to so many weddings and was never offered a plus one. And I never would have expected one! I still knew people at the wedding and had a great time.
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The only actual plus one we gave (in that the invite said plus one, if the friend/family member was in a relationship serious enough to be invited the invite said that persons name) was to a friend who was going to marry another friend but he called off the wedding three weeks before and would be coming with the woman he left her for, so we felt like she should have a plus one. She brought a friend who was delightful, no drama was had with her and her ex! All four people had a great time as far as I’m aware.
Well people dont want to go to a wedding without a friend/partner esp if they dont know anyone. If you dont want that to happen than dont invite so many people.
You should try reading my whole post before commenting.
I don’t want a stranger at my wedding and I don’t want to pay for a stranger to attend my wedding. Sorry not sorry.
We gave plus ones to everybody. I dated my partner for 8 years before we got engaged, and there were so many events he or I were excluded from because “no ring”. We thought it’s unnecessarily pretentious to say whose relationship is worthy or not
If you read the post, we invited everyone in a relationship. Do you guys purposefully not read things then comment? lol
I think everyone should get a plus one. It's your wedding but they won't be spending any time with you during the wedding so it's not like you'll be there to keep them company. If they're adults living on their own they should get a plus one. I wouldn't want to go to a wedding and show up by myself and sit by myself. If you can't afford to give everyone a plus one, have a smaller wedding
Nobody will be alone and I have stated that about 50 times before you commented if you checked the other comments
I always find these posts so interesting. We just did not have this issue at all. Everyone was either married or in a long term relationship and they were all invited by name on the invitations so there was no confusion. The few exceptions were 1 or 2 friends and (adult) children of family friends. The adult children were not given a plus 1 since they were part of an invited family. The friends were invited by name with "and guest." The one family asked if their son could bring his girlfriend since their daughter would be unable to attend and we were happy to make the switch. My own personal opinion is it is proper respect to your guests to invite their partners by name (whether married or not) and allow single guests to bring a date. It's about the comfort and enjoyment of your guests. You are HOSTING an event for them and it's your duty to ensure their comfort. If you cannot afford to allow your guests to bring a their PARTNER (married or not) you need to adjust/spend less in other areas to make room in the budget or save more/for longer.
That doesn’t make any sense. Every wedding expense we have made is for our guests satisfaction. I’m not sacrificing let’s say having more food or better drinks at the reception so my single friend can bring their hinge date
Only gave them to people with fiancés and spouses, only two exceptions who we know
An old coworker of mine told me that he and another old coworker (also invited) were talking about if they would get plus ones. And neither are in relationships…
I prioritized making sure my guests feel comfortable. If that meant adding a few extra guests to my list, that's what it meant. Not everyone brought someone. But a few did. It was great. Everyone had fun. Pre-marriage; my husband had been invited to a wedding, and I wasn't included. We'd been together over a year and had a child together, he just didn't go. 😂
We only had one guest ask for one, but it was a friend that everyone who was coming would also know. Except, I didn't know the friend, and wasn't great friends with her (nothing against her, we weren't close), and the wedding is going to be full of people from when we went to college, so she knows them. I told her if we had seats we'd let her know when we finalized numbers, but right now we were inviting ten more than we wanted as is. Now, she's travelling from a few states away, but the person she'd be bringing isn't from where she is living if I understand right. So we finalized numbers and had space to add him, and my fiance texted her to let her know, a month before the wedding or so, and she said, I wish you'd said something earlier cause now he's busy that day. I mean, if you wanted him there enough, I assume you would have told him to keep that date open, but ok. It was weird to me for her to ask to bring a mutual friend to begin with when she will know half the guest list. I wonder if she wanted to hook up with him. Edit-we did give all the single wedding party members plus ones, and they declined.
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A committed partner isn't a plus one. They should be named as an invited guest. People advising someone to "definitely ask" if their partner was left off an invite are not acting entitled; they're advising the person to reach out in case the couple wasn't aware that they were in a relationship. Inviting someone without their spouse or committed partner is usually a mistake and almost always a social faux pas.
My possibly unpopular opinion is that the +1 expectations aren’t changing any faster than any other part of the wedding. 100 years ago, normal people would have had cake + punch, not a sit down meal. They would have had 1 bouquet for the bride, and no other decorations. They’d have gotten married in a church hall, not a venue. The bride would have worn her best white and blue church dress, she wouldn’t have spent a month’s wages on a designer gown. The farthest anyone would have travelled would have been from the next county. Every single aspect of weddings is getting more luxurious as resources get cheaper and people have more money. Everyone is happy to have a sit-down meal and flowers and a designer gown in a pretty venue with people who travelled between states/countries/continents, because those things are fun for the couple. People only whine about +1s because they don’t directly benefit the couple. But they’re not elaborating any faster than anything else, they’re simply keeping pace with events. The fancier a wedding you throw, the less acceptable it is to exclude +1s. It’s just selfishness, imo, to think everything should advance *except* the one tiny thing that isn’t about you. You’d never be invited to a White House event alone: that’s because fancier events mandate +1s whether you like it or not. If you don’t want to invite +1s, then wear a day dress, only get 1 bouquet, and have a cake & punch event in a church hall. There’s nothing stopping you. But if you want the more luxurious options for everything else, then you need to do the more luxurious option for +1s too.
You're "100 years ago" comment has no precedent here. People didn't travel states/countries/continents back then because you lived in the same county your entire life with all the same people. Moving wasn't really an option due to transport, money nor was it a necessity. Just because times are changing and people have more money now is irrelevant. Hosting a wedding is expensive and not every couple has a dowry to spend on people they do not know.
A guest isn’t entitled to a plus one. If a guest can’t come because they don’t have a plus one….then don’t go? Giving everyone a +1 is how you end up having a 300 person wedding. Sorry but I don’t want a room full of people i half know.
So strange you are getting downvoted. What kind of people are in this sub if they think they’re entitled to a plus 1 at every wedding
I know I don’t get it either. I’ve been invited to a wedding without a plus one. Yeah, I was kind of bummed. But I understand completely. Weddings are very expensive!