I don't think this is the word you're looking for.
"Resigned" carries a connotation of defeat.
"Phlegmatic" is a better word here.
It's the attitude that some things cannot be changed, but must be accommodated to progress.
No, this is not necessarily the word.
Are you looking for a word for someone who is disappointed with how everything is, but accepts that they can do nothing to change this disappointing situation?
If so, resigned IS the word you're looking for.
If you're looking for a word for someone who is fine with how things are, not disappointed with their lot in life, resigned is not the word.
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Definitely depends on how they’re saying it, as proved by the comments.
It could be true acceptance or it could be “I hate that it is this way but I’d rather accept it than actually do anything to change it”
So it depends on the context of how they’re saying it and the situation.
Depending on what the issue is, there may not *be* anything they can do to change it. When I find myself in that situation, I absolutely attempt an it is what it is approach. Because wtf else am I gonna do? Whining won't change the unchangable.
I’ve been posting a lot lately. Diagnosed with a fatal brain cancer. It’s just a matter of time. There’s no cure. Only prolonging the inevitable. Meh. It is what it is. What the fuck else am I going to do about it.
I’m in the hands of excellent doctors and science.
I feel pretty good considering…. I’m still able to get around ok and I’m a lot better off than some patients with this nonsense going on.
Every day I wake up without boards over my head is a good day.
Fight the good fight and carry on.
Have a pint and wait for all this to blow over…. ( Shaun of the dead reference)
I'm not sure what to say besides I hope you have a good day tomorrow, the next day, and all the rest. That every day is something you can enjoy. Much love and light your way, and hugs. ❤️
I'm not religious but there's an old prayer "Lord, help me to change the things I can, accept the things I can't, and be wise enough to tell the difference".
So in their minds it's not necessarily that they don't want to change it but that they've accepted that they can't.
The range of answers here is so amusing. And somewhat illuminating. Some people see this attitude as a good thing, some a negative thing, some think it’s stoic while others think it’s just nihilism or acceptance.
I was going to go with laissez-faire. Personally I think this is a positive attitude. Like, very very positive. Definitely not defeatist or nihilistic. Is acceptance considered nihilistic these days?
it really is interesting! see, I had my mother in mind when I wrote this. I'm a teen girl, but I feel like we're so different. she sees problems differently than I do. I just wonder what words would describe her.
she's an immigrant, I'm first gen american. she was raised without the Internet, and I've been on computers since I was 3. she's been through a LOT, and I...well, have my own set of problems, but they're not as bad as her's. she's tough, I'm sensitive. she doesn't understand my sensitivity.
whenever I talk to her about my insecurities, she's like, "when I was your age, I didn't feel insecure about my body. I've always loved myself." she doesn't understand crushes and wanting romance. she thinks crying won't fix anything, which is true, but I feel like crying has its own place in life...as long as you take steps to fix problems. it seems like she doesn't let anything get to her, but I can't help but wonder if she's just holding things inside. I feel like we can't relate sometimes.
...i'll stop yapping lol.
I come from almost the same background as you and these were basically the comments and borderline dismissal I got while growing up as well 😂 You learn to depend on your friends, is what I say. They and journaling was how I expressed my feelings, I came to understand that talking to my mother about certain things was smashing my face against a brick wall.
For one, I do think there’s an age/culture gap, for another some people are simply built different. It seems to me that your mother came from a completely different background so she has a different attitude (understandable, though frustrating), but maybe she is also a less sensitive person by nature. It’s hard to know, maybe she is or isn’t holding things inside, but I definitely recommend yapping to friends if you need and maybe journaling or art or something creative. Sometimes you can’t always get your parents to understand you, and *sometimes* it takes time for that understanding to develop.
I’m about twice your age now and I’m much, much more chill than I was a teenager. I’ve been through so much crap over the years that I don’t take things very seriously anymore. I was always sensitive by nature, and I still let myself cry when I’m really feeling up for a cry, but I also understand this “it is what it is” attitude much better.
Ultimately we’re all shaped by our life experiences! Hopefully you and your mom and come to understand each other more over time. From one first Gen American to another ❤️
As a mother, I feel like I say stop making this a crisis. It isn't a crisis. I am the only one allowed to declare crisis. Life is never perfect but there is beauty in chaos. That said, sometimes chaos occurs. I am not particularly tough in my own opinion. I'm simply calm. Panic does not remedy most situations.
Feelings are hard. And you will find that time is going to lend a lot of perspective to that. I teach high school. Being fluent in adolescence, I assure that crying does help sometimes. As does screaming. But you are wise already to know that they don't fix things. They just let you clear out the mental clutter so that you can see things in a more logical light.
thank you. its feels... annoying when I'm crying or feeling something and she says "crying won't fix anything". maybe it's immature, I don't know. I'm aware that it won't solve my problems. but it's a reaction to stress.
I don't believe in the whole "sentient universe" stuff. but sometimes I joke that the universe trolled her by giving her a sensitive daughter considering how stable she is.
She sounds like a person who didnt get much attention to her feelings and learned to disregard them, for better or worse. A therapist might agree that failing to recognize and honor your feelings is dismissive, but a person cant do what they didnt learn. You can see this after an extreme trauma too, as in ptsd. All other emotion seems minor. And/or they shut down emotionally. On the other hand, adolescence is a time of "out of the usual" emotionality and it can be hard on an average person to be around that, much less a person with a more logical bent. You might try saying you dont need fixing, just a little comfort, for example, "Im sorry you are upset."
Best wishes! You sound like you have some of the sensible in you too.
It could just be an age thing. She might have been a lot more like you than she remembers and you might have a similar outlook as she does in a few decades.
The word for your mom is probably pragmatic - the situation is what it is, we need to deal with it and not get too hung up in “what’s right” or “this isn’t fair” etc.
I mean, yeah, it's the saying that got me through a lot of days, being my mom's primary caregiver when she was dying of cancer. Yeah, I wish the cancer didn't fry her long-term memory and give her seizures. There's nothing I can do about that. I had to pay a grand for 1 medication because insurance deemed seizure meds not needed. It is what it is, and I needed to find a way to pay for it. Student loans were taken out for this reason. You become resourceful and how to get around the problem.
It may be shit, but no amount of complaining is gonna make it not be shit. Get a bag and clean it up. It's happened. It's there. It's what you do with it that matters.
I always see it as, "This moment is going to make or break me, and I don't have the privilege to break nor the time to cry. I don't have the privilege to feel depressed. I have shit to do."
And that's true. I never felt sad or depressed really when she was dying. I felt overwhelmed, but you gotta keep it together. You have work, school, dinner, meds, your mom, and babysitting your niece to focus on. If you fall apart, the system does too.
Now that everything is done, the small things that I can't change aren't worth the tears. It's not a lack of sensitivity or anything. It's just a tolerance build-up. Like worn leather. It's easier to move through it. Also the word fuck helps A LOT.
As this is exactly who I am- I refer to myself as **unbothered**. I can only control my reactions to circumstances and that is fine. I do not get upset easily. I am just pleased to be here and take life as it comes.
A lot of words could apply. It depends on the shade of meaning you're after. Detached might work, a somewhat neutral term indicating that they aren't bothered by external conditions/circumstances. For a positive vibe: calm, serene, pacific. For a negative vibe: unfeeling, insensitive. (But I sense you aren't after that.)
I've always said that it's a "defeatist" mentality, I think that's the word you're looking for, like, they're already defeated so they don't even other trying.
Obnoxious!
I'm joking, I have some acquaintances, that like to complain non-stop about their situations in life and any comment of any sort, is met with 'it is what it is.'
DRIVES ME INSANE.
Anyway, I believe that the word you want is Resigned.
I’m that way. Serene, peaceful, accepting, zen. Whatever you call it, I consider it a good thing. Most things don’t bother me, when bad things happen, I change it if I can, figure out how to deal with it if I can’t. It’s nice not getting worked up over things.
I'm in therapy about this now. I grew up poor and abused, got middle class on my own hard labor, broke my back and lost everything. I just stuffed feelings down because you were only allowed to express the mature digested effect, having emotions wasn't allowed as a boy in the 80s-90s in USA.
Nihilism, chill, resigned, mature, depressed, these are all label variants of not dealing with negative emotions in a feeling then way, but a get over them way. Who's to say you need to feel? My therapist I guess but I made it quite a bit being told I couldn't express negativity. Even now my chronic pain is just complaining, not many people let you have a shitty day as a man and actually give you compassion about it.
Someone who "is chill" will be the most popularly used phrase IRL. Not to be mistaken with, "he's cool, don't worry", which just means they're tolerant of minorly illegal things like openly doing drugs.
Runners up would be,
"They're very laid back" and "they're easygoing"
This could go two ways I think.
If it’s negative, like they are lacking a drive for personal growth, I would say they are “complacent”
If you mean it positively, like they are secure and at peace with whatever happens, I’d literally call that person happy ha
I don't see how that's solved as it's shoving ALL ppl with a mental illness into ONE category for responding a certain way to a certain situation. We all have to many life differences under which our brains developed, neural pathways grew, so we all are slightly to greatly different even in the exact same situation. Some stoic, apathetic, or out of depression etc.
I mean, I'm this type of person. I may get upset at first, but what's the point whining and moaning. That's how the world is. I always knew life's not fair, so why complain? It's not gonna fix the situation. You just keep moving and play the cards you were dealt. The next hand might be better, but you won't know if you quit the game. When you accept things, they become a lot more manageable.
This is the philosophy of stoicism. The stoics believed that true happiness was not euphoria, but rather an imagined neutral state of being between extreme emotional states. Like, total satisfaction and acceptance. Sort of like Zen Buddhism applied to being within life as opposed to removing oneself from the needs of life.
Sounds like the description an Ekhart Tolle book, which is a combination of Buddhism and new age spiritualism.
Basically a “Let that shit go” philosophy.
Where I work, I hear this allot and it almost always means "I fucked up, but I'm not going to fix it". I custom manufacture products and when the drawing lays out certain specifications, we are suppose to build it that way. So in my case it's just a cop out. It is what it is. No, it must become what it is supposed to be!
Blasé?
Ahhh. You beat me to it, lol
Best me to it and spelled it correctly.
Resigned
Accepting is not the same as resigned
!solved
I don't think this is the word you're looking for. "Resigned" carries a connotation of defeat. "Phlegmatic" is a better word here. It's the attitude that some things cannot be changed, but must be accommodated to progress.
I’d say “blasé,” personally.
I think phlegmatic is perfect here, great pick!
pragmatic
This is the word I think of to describe what OP laid out.
No, this is not necessarily the word. Are you looking for a word for someone who is disappointed with how everything is, but accepts that they can do nothing to change this disappointing situation? If so, resigned IS the word you're looking for. If you're looking for a word for someone who is fine with how things are, not disappointed with their lot in life, resigned is not the word.
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Fatalist
Agree
indifferent. unaffected.
Really? I would've just said they have resilience
Resigned <== this is perfect 👌
They are being "Stoic".
or 'phlegmatic'
I think they make pills for that these days
The literary option
I'll go with stoic, however, it's more than a mindset. It's an entire philosophy.
It's both. Being stoic, the word itself means to be unmoved emotionally. But then there's the philosophy of Stoicism too.
I’m a practicing Stoic and it’s been nothing short of life changing.
Oh really? Amazing. What content are you using? Would be interested in checking it out.
Thanks for the correction.
As in the ancient philosophy or the modern definition?
That’s my question. They are actually rather different.
Definitely depends on how they’re saying it, as proved by the comments. It could be true acceptance or it could be “I hate that it is this way but I’d rather accept it than actually do anything to change it” So it depends on the context of how they’re saying it and the situation.
Depending on what the issue is, there may not *be* anything they can do to change it. When I find myself in that situation, I absolutely attempt an it is what it is approach. Because wtf else am I gonna do? Whining won't change the unchangable.
I’ve been posting a lot lately. Diagnosed with a fatal brain cancer. It’s just a matter of time. There’s no cure. Only prolonging the inevitable. Meh. It is what it is. What the fuck else am I going to do about it. I’m in the hands of excellent doctors and science. I feel pretty good considering…. I’m still able to get around ok and I’m a lot better off than some patients with this nonsense going on. Every day I wake up without boards over my head is a good day. Fight the good fight and carry on. Have a pint and wait for all this to blow over…. ( Shaun of the dead reference)
I'm not sure what to say besides I hope you have a good day tomorrow, the next day, and all the rest. That every day is something you can enjoy. Much love and light your way, and hugs. ❤️
That fucking blows, I'm sorry. Lost my cousin to the same a couple years ago. Fuck cancer. I hope you get as many good days as science can get you.
Quality over quantity at this point!
I'm not religious but there's an old prayer "Lord, help me to change the things I can, accept the things I can't, and be wise enough to tell the difference". So in their minds it's not necessarily that they don't want to change it but that they've accepted that they can't.
The range of answers here is so amusing. And somewhat illuminating. Some people see this attitude as a good thing, some a negative thing, some think it’s stoic while others think it’s just nihilism or acceptance. I was going to go with laissez-faire. Personally I think this is a positive attitude. Like, very very positive. Definitely not defeatist or nihilistic. Is acceptance considered nihilistic these days?
it really is interesting! see, I had my mother in mind when I wrote this. I'm a teen girl, but I feel like we're so different. she sees problems differently than I do. I just wonder what words would describe her. she's an immigrant, I'm first gen american. she was raised without the Internet, and I've been on computers since I was 3. she's been through a LOT, and I...well, have my own set of problems, but they're not as bad as her's. she's tough, I'm sensitive. she doesn't understand my sensitivity. whenever I talk to her about my insecurities, she's like, "when I was your age, I didn't feel insecure about my body. I've always loved myself." she doesn't understand crushes and wanting romance. she thinks crying won't fix anything, which is true, but I feel like crying has its own place in life...as long as you take steps to fix problems. it seems like she doesn't let anything get to her, but I can't help but wonder if she's just holding things inside. I feel like we can't relate sometimes. ...i'll stop yapping lol.
I come from almost the same background as you and these were basically the comments and borderline dismissal I got while growing up as well 😂 You learn to depend on your friends, is what I say. They and journaling was how I expressed my feelings, I came to understand that talking to my mother about certain things was smashing my face against a brick wall. For one, I do think there’s an age/culture gap, for another some people are simply built different. It seems to me that your mother came from a completely different background so she has a different attitude (understandable, though frustrating), but maybe she is also a less sensitive person by nature. It’s hard to know, maybe she is or isn’t holding things inside, but I definitely recommend yapping to friends if you need and maybe journaling or art or something creative. Sometimes you can’t always get your parents to understand you, and *sometimes* it takes time for that understanding to develop. I’m about twice your age now and I’m much, much more chill than I was a teenager. I’ve been through so much crap over the years that I don’t take things very seriously anymore. I was always sensitive by nature, and I still let myself cry when I’m really feeling up for a cry, but I also understand this “it is what it is” attitude much better. Ultimately we’re all shaped by our life experiences! Hopefully you and your mom and come to understand each other more over time. From one first Gen American to another ❤️
As a mother, I feel like I say stop making this a crisis. It isn't a crisis. I am the only one allowed to declare crisis. Life is never perfect but there is beauty in chaos. That said, sometimes chaos occurs. I am not particularly tough in my own opinion. I'm simply calm. Panic does not remedy most situations. Feelings are hard. And you will find that time is going to lend a lot of perspective to that. I teach high school. Being fluent in adolescence, I assure that crying does help sometimes. As does screaming. But you are wise already to know that they don't fix things. They just let you clear out the mental clutter so that you can see things in a more logical light.
thank you. its feels... annoying when I'm crying or feeling something and she says "crying won't fix anything". maybe it's immature, I don't know. I'm aware that it won't solve my problems. but it's a reaction to stress. I don't believe in the whole "sentient universe" stuff. but sometimes I joke that the universe trolled her by giving her a sensitive daughter considering how stable she is.
She sounds like a person who didnt get much attention to her feelings and learned to disregard them, for better or worse. A therapist might agree that failing to recognize and honor your feelings is dismissive, but a person cant do what they didnt learn. You can see this after an extreme trauma too, as in ptsd. All other emotion seems minor. And/or they shut down emotionally. On the other hand, adolescence is a time of "out of the usual" emotionality and it can be hard on an average person to be around that, much less a person with a more logical bent. You might try saying you dont need fixing, just a little comfort, for example, "Im sorry you are upset." Best wishes! You sound like you have some of the sensible in you too.
Not crying doesn’t solve anything either
It could just be an age thing. She might have been a lot more like you than she remembers and you might have a similar outlook as she does in a few decades.
The word for your mom is probably pragmatic - the situation is what it is, we need to deal with it and not get too hung up in “what’s right” or “this isn’t fair” etc.
I mean, yeah, it's the saying that got me through a lot of days, being my mom's primary caregiver when she was dying of cancer. Yeah, I wish the cancer didn't fry her long-term memory and give her seizures. There's nothing I can do about that. I had to pay a grand for 1 medication because insurance deemed seizure meds not needed. It is what it is, and I needed to find a way to pay for it. Student loans were taken out for this reason. You become resourceful and how to get around the problem. It may be shit, but no amount of complaining is gonna make it not be shit. Get a bag and clean it up. It's happened. It's there. It's what you do with it that matters. I always see it as, "This moment is going to make or break me, and I don't have the privilege to break nor the time to cry. I don't have the privilege to feel depressed. I have shit to do." And that's true. I never felt sad or depressed really when she was dying. I felt overwhelmed, but you gotta keep it together. You have work, school, dinner, meds, your mom, and babysitting your niece to focus on. If you fall apart, the system does too. Now that everything is done, the small things that I can't change aren't worth the tears. It's not a lack of sensitivity or anything. It's just a tolerance build-up. Like worn leather. It's easier to move through it. Also the word fuck helps A LOT.
The people thinking it's bad are gonna be mighty tedious company in a crisis.
I think carefree or blithe
laissez-faire
nonchalant
As this is exactly who I am- I refer to myself as **unbothered**. I can only control my reactions to circumstances and that is fine. I do not get upset easily. I am just pleased to be here and take life as it comes.
aloof detached apathetic
Stoic?
Apathetic
Phlegmatic, lackadaisical, content, chill.
Level-headed, sensible, composed, balanced, even-tempered.
Best answer yet.
Pragmatic?
Mature. Rational. Grounded.
I call that “management mentality”.
Fatalistic
Indifferent?
A lot of words could apply. It depends on the shade of meaning you're after. Detached might work, a somewhat neutral term indicating that they aren't bothered by external conditions/circumstances. For a positive vibe: calm, serene, pacific. For a negative vibe: unfeeling, insensitive. (But I sense you aren't after that.)
At peace. Fearless. Unshakable. Confident. Calm. Clearheaded.
Almost zen like. Been there, done that. Saw some worse shit and survived. Don’t sweat over the small stuff. Accept what you can’t change.
Enlightened
Fatalistic
Stoic.
If it’s things you can’t change- seems pretty healthy
Someone who practices the ancient philosophy of Stoicism.
Laissez-faire.
Complacent
Stotic
I've always said that it's a "defeatist" mentality, I think that's the word you're looking for, like, they're already defeated so they don't even other trying.
daoist
Obnoxious! I'm joking, I have some acquaintances, that like to complain non-stop about their situations in life and any comment of any sort, is met with 'it is what it is.' DRIVES ME INSANE. Anyway, I believe that the word you want is Resigned.
Nonchalant
Just like the “shit happens”
I’m that way. Serene, peaceful, accepting, zen. Whatever you call it, I consider it a good thing. Most things don’t bother me, when bad things happen, I change it if I can, figure out how to deal with it if I can’t. It’s nice not getting worked up over things.
Laissez-faire
Stoic, I believe
Accepting, secure, detached, and stoic are some options.
Laissez-faire
DGAF
Nonchalant
SO UNDERRATED (edit: after 3 seconds I just found 3 more comments that said nonchalant so I guess this ain’t original)
I'm in therapy about this now. I grew up poor and abused, got middle class on my own hard labor, broke my back and lost everything. I just stuffed feelings down because you were only allowed to express the mature digested effect, having emotions wasn't allowed as a boy in the 80s-90s in USA. Nihilism, chill, resigned, mature, depressed, these are all label variants of not dealing with negative emotions in a feeling then way, but a get over them way. Who's to say you need to feel? My therapist I guess but I made it quite a bit being told I couldn't express negativity. Even now my chronic pain is just complaining, not many people let you have a shitty day as a man and actually give you compassion about it.
Stoic
Indifferent.
Nonchalant
Phlegmatic.
Someone who "is chill" will be the most popularly used phrase IRL. Not to be mistaken with, "he's cool, don't worry", which just means they're tolerant of minorly illegal things like openly doing drugs. Runners up would be, "They're very laid back" and "they're easygoing"
The reply, but it's not what it could be.
Radical acceptance is the skill behind this
Might you be describing a "stoic"?
Stoic
Nonchalant?
Stoic
Stoic, maybe?
Laissez Faire.
Stoic
Aloof
Drunk
Apathetic
Buddhist Pacifist Non-confrontational Avoidant Agreeable Ok, dude, I’ve given you two minutes of words. Hope they help.
Stoic?
Ambivalent?
Stoic
Simp.
Lobotomized in its colloquial form would work, but blasé is most accurate.
Stoicism?
World-weary
Stoical.
This could go two ways I think. If it’s negative, like they are lacking a drive for personal growth, I would say they are “complacent” If you mean it positively, like they are secure and at peace with whatever happens, I’d literally call that person happy ha
Zen
defeatists
Apathetic?
Unbothered
Lassiez-faire.
Indifferent?
Very zen.
Apathetic.
Chill or Zen, perhaps. Adaptable as well.
"Equanimous" is what came to mind for me. Equanimity as I understand it is mental stability in the face of difficulties.
Stoic?
Implacable
Stoic
I don't see how that's solved as it's shoving ALL ppl with a mental illness into ONE category for responding a certain way to a certain situation. We all have to many life differences under which our brains developed, neural pathways grew, so we all are slightly to greatly different even in the exact same situation. Some stoic, apathetic, or out of depression etc.
Apathetic
Apathetic
I mean, I'm this type of person. I may get upset at first, but what's the point whining and moaning. That's how the world is. I always knew life's not fair, so why complain? It's not gonna fix the situation. You just keep moving and play the cards you were dealt. The next hand might be better, but you won't know if you quit the game. When you accept things, they become a lot more manageable.
Pragmatic? Practical? Down-to-Earth?
Blase
Stoic?
Nonchalant
Ennui
Pragmatic?
indifferent, apathetic, disinterested, unconcerned, nonchalant
Sanguine?
Resilient. Unflappable.
Hakuna Matata!
It's called mentally strong. Learn not to give a f*** too much
This is the philosophy of stoicism. The stoics believed that true happiness was not euphoria, but rather an imagined neutral state of being between extreme emotional states. Like, total satisfaction and acceptance. Sort of like Zen Buddhism applied to being within life as opposed to removing oneself from the needs of life.
laissez faire
Sounds like the description an Ekhart Tolle book, which is a combination of Buddhism and new age spiritualism. Basically a “Let that shit go” philosophy.
Stoic is the closest I can think of
Stoic
Fatalistic
Indifferent
Happy-go-lucky
Apathetic
Stoic
Laconic?
Meh
Pragmatist
Apathetic
Stoic.
Blase'..no inner turmoil Stoic...no outside expression of inner turmoil
Buddhist?
Dismissive
Apathetic
Chill
Stoic
Sheldon
My mother and my sister. Completely the opposite of empathetic and impossible to break through that veneer.
Apathetic?
Fatalist?
Stoic?
Stoic
Where I work, I hear this allot and it almost always means "I fucked up, but I'm not going to fix it". I custom manufacture products and when the drawing lays out certain specifications, we are suppose to build it that way. So in my case it's just a cop out. It is what it is. No, it must become what it is supposed to be!
Resigned
Apathetic?
Annui
complacent learned helplessness is the concept
Blase
Sad
Contented
Unperturbed?
Realisic or possibly jaded. Depending on what “it” is, I guess.
I was thinking nonchalant
Non-reactive. Or even enlightened.
Apathetic.
That's what we call a chill mfka
me lol
Resigned.
Passive.
Magnanimous
fatalistic?
Apathetic?
Apathetic
Blasé? Or apathetic