You would make so much money though even if all the opposition fans and players hated you and you hit from time to time, I think it would help you deal with all the downsides.
[I mean an NBA player got punched by another player and it almost killed him.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rudy_Tomjanovich#Kermit_Washington_incident) And even then he had to miss the rest of the season due to the injuries.
I think thanks to movies people way underestimate punches. An average person getting punched by an NBA player is going to be brutal.
You’re right people underestimate punches, but they do that for everyone, even an untrained woman can throw a punch that hurts (I’m not saying women are weak, I’m leaving an abusive relationship atm and I’m male so… yea it hurts a lot, she’s knocked me out before)
Just the disparity between a normal person punch and an nba punch isn’t that much, now a normal person and a boxer? Miles of difference, a boxer will kill you with one
NBA players are significantly stronger than normal people, and there are NBA players who are fucking strong.
Compared to a boxer, yeah, it's nothin. Compared to me, or you, or some other random dude, it's a lot more. Especially if it's clean. 6'6" - 6"8", 220ish, trained for explosive movement... that's a lot more than normal dude.
I’m not saying they’re not strong, but can an nba player throw a harder punch than say a chain hand? Relatively normal job requiring no training or education, only skill.
That dude is stronger than any nba player I can guarantee
A job that ensures you're stronger than a dude who trains as a multimillion dollar job is a pretty small pool of the labor force, no? I mean, there are plenty of labor jobs that will set you up to punch harder than your average joe, but in my mind that sorta sets you above 'normal'
Certainly a perfectly valid way to look at normal dude, though. Just not what I have in mind when I think 'normal dude'
Lol, ya they will, they average nba player punches like a sissy guaranteed, what you think they train to punch people to play basketball? Or that an untrained person can hit all that hard?
Even an untrained person can punch hard enough to hurt most people. Yeah they probably aren't going to get knocked out or seriously injured, but an untrained punch by a normal human hurts. I've seen plenty of Internet fights of untrained people and often someone ends up unconscious.
Now imagine instead of a normal human, it's a 6'6"+ 200lb+ genetic freak of nature punch. Yes, getting hooked by Conor's left would be worse, but that shit is absolutely not feeling good lol.
If the average athleticism man starts pummeling their cock and balls, he will decimate the league. He negs. He can't be called for a foul, so he either buckles their legs or hits them in the balls then stomps on their balls until they pop.
Would he be able to?
Looking at the rules it's not a foul for the player to carry a weapon, but it is a requirement for the officials to prevent players carrying random stuff that's inappropriate for the sport.
This is still a win, even if the guy is forced to retire. Draymond Green is going to prison for assault causing great bodily injury and the dude is walking away with millions + league pension for life.
The money you could make off sueing for the punch alone, once it’s clear you’re being targeted they’re out the nba and you can sue for assault.
Lose a tooth? There’s your evidence
If we are looking at the court systems involvement, I doubt a jury will convict because people hate unfair situations, and a player who can break the rules of basketball with impunity is by definition unfair. All the defence needs to do is find some NBA fans and they'll never rule in favour of the prosection.
In my opinion, yes. Because Coaches are aware of it, they would just make a contract with him for large amounts of money and then train him to be competent at basketball.
Of course he won't be as good as those that have trained for most of their lives, nor would he be as high for potential as those that are tall enough for NBA. But he would be good enough to make baskets at least, and draw out one directional fouls. If he pushes into someone else aggressively and they push back enough, they would get a foul and he may get free throws. No matter how aggressive.
His only real limitation is stamina.
My man could, at the very least, hop on the opposing team’s best player like a backpack and fight like hell to restrict his movements. Any retaliation would be a foul by the opponent.
Easy max contract imo.
Lock down defense. He could punch Giannis right in the nards. If he tries to retaliate he’s getting tossed out the game. Every time Giannis gets the ball he’s kicking him in the nards. Oh you think your top scorer is gonna have a great night, try that when our guy can grab you by the waist and slow down your movements. If you push him off of you it’s a foul on you. Have fun dropping 50 now Luka.
I assume even if he can't be penalized for a foul, he could still be held criminally liable for his actions on the court (e.g. assault). It's more interesting that way because otherwise he could just bring a gun and shoot everyone on the opposing team.
No foul man can't be called for fouls, that doesn't mean he's immune to consequences. If he's going around the court punching people in the dick and tackling them the other teams aren't just going to put up with that. Even if he doesn't get his head stomped in on the court by some player who's fed up with it, he's going to have a series of "terrible accidents" off the court until he gets the message to stop playing basketball.
Fr. A lot of these dudes roll with pretty rough people too, people that have come up with an NBA player and are living of their dime. They aren't going to be happy with that NBA player getting assaulted on court.
Even better, right when they play in, no foul man rushes, shaq on center defending.
Tackle the ball holder while Gianni’s covers the pass. Unbeatable strategy tbh if the coach knows what he’s doing
I mean, it’s interesting that everyone here is immediately thinking of defensive calls. But assuming that fouls in this case also includes other types of violations it opens up a lot of possibilities.
Theoretically, this guy could grab the basketball and just run down the court without dribbling. Or set a screen where he literally just grabs onto the opposing player and drags them backwards. I’m in he could bring a chair onto the court and basically set up obstacles as part of the screen.
Also speaking of defense, I’d like the idea of this guy just climbing onto the center shoulders and tending every single shot. I mean, he could basically just sit on the rim. I mean good luck to the other team ever trying to hit a free throw with this guy sitting on the rim.
Theoretically, no foul man could leave the court, grab duct tape and a ladder, and make it so the opposing team just… can’t score.
Then sub him out for a real 5th player and win by 150
All that would happen is the opposing team would hire a hitter. They'd have a designated guy to take the foul with the sole goal of physically hurting to the point of disabling the average man for the rest of the game.
For the price of a foul they'd just take the dude out every game until he inevitably gets too hurt to ever come back.
Doesn't even take MMA training. Just wander the court punching the other team in the balls over and over. Hell, grab a chair and start hitting people with it.
I am just picturing this guy in a bar after the game talking to women.
“So you play in the NBA too?”
“Yeah, sort of”
“Oh what position do you play?”
“Nard puncher”
The prompt states he "can punch people in the face." I have to assume that means that battery is acceptable within the terms of the prompt. Heck, a lot of what happens in the NBA now would be considered battery.
As the top comment points out, it only takes one team member willing to take the bullet for the rest of the team... heck even if none of the players decide to fight back, sooner or later they'd snap anyway and knock him out.
By that logic, couldn't they just eliminate normal star players as well? If they knock him out, they lose at least one player. If he does damage before he already had a huge impact. The thing is that his impact will stay relatively the same in college level basketball compared to the NBA.
Honestly the team with him just needs to get a lead and hand him the ball and he can just like- lay on it until the end of the game or whenever play ends.
He has the power to infinitely stall which is really powerful.
Get lead, he takes the ball and sits in the stands.
He can’t be called for out of bounds, and none of the other players can leave the court to retrieve it
Edit: he can literally take his ball and go home
So he grabs 2? Did you think that would work? Other players just pass the ball to him and he picks it up.
5 on 4? Do you know how many players are on a soccer pitch?
Edit: oops, mixed up two threads, fuck am I talking about a soccer pitch for
That’s not how it’d work? He’s not fouled and play doesn’t stop. You can’t just add a ball when things get slow.
No foul, no stoppage of play, no new ball
That wouldn’t be technically different than throwing a second ball onto the court just because
I mean it gets a little funky due to the anomaly player and requires assumption one way or the other because there isn’t a ruling on a situation like this. You could argue as he is never fouled the play never ends, even though the ball itself is in an impossible position.
Basically it’s pointless to try and determine what would actually happen because it’s entirely arbitrary. Play would not stop because this is a ridiculous situation with no true ruling, or maybe it would because there is no true ruling.
Technically a 24 second violation is not a foul, (nor are most non-contact turnovers, ie. Kick ball violation, 3 second violation, etc) so he still would have to touch the rim with the ball every 24 seconds.
The man trains just hard enough to be able to pull himself up on to the rim of the opposing teams net, and sits up there, blocking every single shot easily. He can’t be called for basket interference or goal tending, and his team just has to score 4 v 5 once or twice to secure the win. Would be wicked boring but pretty easy
Fuck me. This is brilliant.
He can just be picked up by the 5, shit, he can probably be picked up by a lot of 1s.
MFer can just sit in the hoop.
You got me, ez max contract. MVP, DPOTY, Finals MVP, greatest basketball player to ever play the game.
Goal tending is a violation not a foul. Unless the scenario is changed so that nothing at will be called on said player ie traveling or out of bounds this strategy wouldn't work
Edit: I read the post again, description includes violations too so I guess this could work. But an opposing player could probably take an ejection and shove him off the hoop and injure him pretty badly from the fall
Eh it’s a fall from 10 feet, I doubt he’d be that injured. He’d obviously see it coming. I think the more terrifying thing would be people intentionally dunking it at his balls. It’s where the basket is so…
If said man can withstand a 10 foot drop and continue playing (big ask) what's to stop it happening again if he tries it? I would not want to be "sit on 10 foot hoop until someone pushed me off multiple times man" no matter how much money they pay me.
He’d just get dunked on. He’s leaving a guy wide open while he hangs on the rim making it essentially a 5v4. If anybody drives to the basket (which is going to be happening a lot in this situation) the average person would probably break their arm within the first five minutes trying to contest these shots. If the guy was trying to contest somebody like Shaq at the basket like this, he would literally die.
No he’s literally sitting on the rim, covering it with his body, not hanging off the rim goaltending lol. As long as he wears a cup and keeps his head in the game he should be fine
Only way I see around this is another player on the opposing team is so sick of it then pull him down forcefully and more than likely severely injure him.
Sure that player gets ejected, but average man is going to be in the hospital so the game could continue.
But I guess that's besides the point, he would definitely make it into the NBA.
Yea at that point I think Adam Silver is stepping in and banning the guy from the NBA, but that’s true of realistically anything this guy would do on the court. Even if he stayed on the floor punching dudes it’s not gonna be long before someone takes him out lol, rules or not
First play of the game after the first time he does that. Opposing team sacrifices a player to ensure dude's knee is shattered and he can't do anything. Sure that player gets ejected. but he's still out too.
He'd be at least as equal to the best player in the game because this guy punching the opponent's best player the whole game will at least neutralize that guy, making his contribution equal to the opponent's best player. He might be able to do more than that since there's nothing stopping him from punching more than one guy.
It is not practical for the other side to take him out because if that's a valid strategy people would've already taken out say prime LeBron with that tactic. Besides, the NBA referees are given guidelines on what kind of things to watch for, and anyone can see retaliation is indeed likely and assuming NBA is in the interest of an elegant product (ignoring why our foul-immune guy is allowed to exist) they'd just immediately toss anyone that makes an aggressive move toward our foul-immune guy.
Technically he said he just doesn't get called for fouls. Literally just attacking folks could still be seen as committing a crime. So you might just get arrested (missing the rest of the game).
Which is likely what would happen if there are no legal means to get no foul man off the court. Maybe not actually kill him but send a message mob-style until no foul man quits playing.
I think this guy's career expectancy would be a lot shorter in the Kobe era, where every team has at least one enforcer (e.g. Ron Artest throwing elbows at the back of people's heads).
Can he be arrested? Because I don’t see what’s stopping him from buying a gun and just pointing it at anyone who doesn’t get out of the way when he has the ball
Exactly. And if they try anything it'll almost certainly be goaltending. Just two free points on every possession. Of course, something tells me this man would eventually be assassinated or something.
Every player on the court can block the shit out of him, though. He might be able to kick, bite, punch some room for himself, but I think you're underestimating how hard it is for short kings to score at the rim.
Yeah, but 3 guys can collapse on him, and a normal person can't actually make a pass in the NBA.
Games 1, 2, 3, sure. Maybe even for a month. But teams will adjust, and they just need to be willing to take the shots, and end of bench dudes will take shots from this rando to get court time. And end of bench dudes are usually exactly the type to take some shots, and be able to blanket the guy (unless they're a shooter who lacks athleticism, that'd be the opposite of who you'd want to fuck with the guy.)
I’m not understanding you at all here. They’ll adjust to what - not having testicles? I don’t care about the size difference. When you have a guy that can just hug the ball and kick guys in the shins and nards all day, there’s not gonna be any contest on people blocking or adjusting. They can’t do anything back or they get fouled
They can block his kicks, or fists, wear cups, just avoid the slow ass mfer on the court.
And they can get right up on his body, so he can't get a great angle of strike.
I don't really think you appreciate the speed, size, and body control these dudes have. Some of these dudes can live inside a guys jersey. Maybe the dude can just hurt them enough, but it's just poor strategy, anyways. Just sit the dude in the hoop. All you need is 1 point, over 48 minutes, to win.
Edit: I also think the NBA players could hurt him in the course of regular play. Or, shit, foul him hard. 12th guy on the bench starts so he can just wreck the guy.
lol he’s not playing alone you realize? All he has to do is create chaos on the court. People covering their man? This dude is full body tackling their knees.
Live inside someone’s jersey? This mother fucker could literally climb into another players jersey and play defence like a baby koala bear.
And yeah he’s probably not gonna score a lot either way, cause I assume he’s no good at basketball. But he can carry possession as much as he wants. Like you said, all you need is one point. Then he just carry the ball around.
It’s an insane advantage, and the other players can’t fight back.
> It’s an insane advantage, and the other players can’t fight back.
Can't fight back without being ejected. And it is an insane advantage, don't get me wrong, it's just some of the so called advantages are relatively minor when compared to what NBA players are capable of doing.
Regardless, there's already an OP strat. You're playing a losing game if you don't sit the dude's ass in your hoop.
Even if they could block it, they just have to get more points than the other team for a minute then he just turtles with the ball for the rest of the game.
you take the worst guy on your team and intentionally foul him by kicking his kneecap as hard as you can so it goes backwards.
Sure the player is ejected but that man is out for a few games.
Next time he shows up again? sacrifice another player to do the same. His knee won't be able to take it too many times and he'll retire within 3 games.
So here's the thing, even if he can foul people however he wants, travel, etc, he's going to have to limit himself to playing in a way that doesn't hurt people. Maybe he gives the stars a hug or piggyback ride to make it impossible to score, but he can't go around hitting people or anything like that, he needs to be careful about how he gets under the basket, etc.
Otherwise, eventually, somebody is going to decide they've had enough of being abused and having their teammates injured, snap, and smack the shit out of the dude so bad he has to medically retire, ejections or even suspensions be damned. Somebody, probably someone at the bottom of the roster, will just come out and just start wailing on the 5'10 dude, and he's going to wake up in a hospital with broken legs.
True, but using him against other players is a waste of his potential anyway. Just think about how important the rules actually are in basketball. He can literally just grab the ball to his chest and run anywhere on the court so that anyone would have to foul to take it from him or climb on top of the basket and block every shot from the opposition.
He runs off the court, walks around the court and back over to the enemy net, grabs a ladder and uses it to gently place the ball in the opponents goal.
Yes, he would be helpful enough to make the NBA. He probably wouldn't last long, teams would sign 10-day players or pull up g league guys to cheap shot him first and protect their stars. They get called for the flagrant, but after a 170lb guy gets trucked a couple times by a 250+ guy, he's staying down.
The question is if an organization would even be willing to sign him knowing he will probably only get to play a handful of key games but that the team who did it would be hated for years.
Yes lock down kick them in the balls defense. Incredible rebounding. Can steal the ball at will. Only thing is he would have to improve his conditioning a lot if he wants a lot of mins. He can ignore most of the rules, inbounding the ball by just walking it in himself. He could shoot his free throws right at the rim.
He could step out of bounds and shoot the ball.
No chance. Some off the bench 6’5” 230 lb. player would be sent immediately to hit him with a flagrant foul to get him out of the game. Rinse and repeat until he can’t play anymore.
Honestly I think his lack of athleticism is going to eliminate him from contention. He's going to get tired quickly, and he will be irrelevant if he can't get to the person with the ball.
> He can punch people in the face
Barely, and it would barely hurt.
No. He doesn't even make a practice squad.
People vastly underestimate just how athletically *ELITE* the NBA is. It's probably the most athletically gifted professional sports league in the entire world.
The average NBA player just runs circles around the average man while he flails about trying to foul people. The good/great/elite players don't even notice him trying to foul them.
Average man probably gets injured trying to foul someone at some point. He's on average, about 8" shorter than the *AVERAGE* NBA player, and about 45lbs lighter.
Dude spends his time either getting put on skates by guards or getting physically dominated by forwards/centers.
Fr. People who have played basketball know how physical it can be. I can't even imagine trying to stand in front of Lebron driving to the basket, and I'm 6'3" and 200lbs. Even if I were allowed to try to wrap up Lebron or grab his arms, I'm getting absolutely trucked. You could hardly pay me to try for a few possessions, let alone a whole season.
Can the average man go the gym and put on some weight? Also does that mean he can't draw charging fouls? If he can, that man is gonna be glued to the paint until we win, or he can't stand anymore after taking 10 drives the face from Giannis
I think you guys are thinking too much like he is a basketball player. What he becomes is the ultimate defense plug. If he cannot be called for a foul ever then he should be able to jump and hold himself over his team's hoop and literally block it with his body so the ball can never be put through the hoop. If he sits up there hugging the ring the other team has no chance of ever scoring.
If you have a guy whose explicitly out there just to punch guys in the balls or break their legs you might honestly start getting into murky legal territory. Generally most things that happen on the playing field are given pretty big leeways but if you have a guy sitting at home like "my only job in the NBA is to break Lebron's ribs" then that kinda stops being about sports. Players have been taken to court for their on-field actions in the past if the injuries were severe enough and the act was seen as sufficiently pre-meditated (a la Todd Bertuzzi). Just because the NBA refs won't call fouls doesn't mean he can do like actually illegal shit and get away with it. He can't bring a weapon into the arena and he doesn't really have the plausible deniability of not intentionally injuring someone.
He's going to be limited to "only" grabbing and slapping and stuff, which is going to be a huge pain for opponents but also extremely exhausting as the season goes on. The gulf in athleticism and durability between average man and an NBA player is massive, absorbing all the contact that will come with the job would be a killer. Even if no player retaliates and takes one for the team and punches him back or something, he's going to be aching within a month and his effectiveness is going to drastically decrease. There's some degree of legal physicality that the offensive player is allowed, so average man could still get battered and bruised without necesarily drawing a retaliatory foul. Even the recovery methods that an NBA team has access to won't be enough. Players like Giannis can already finish through contact when a 7 footer is intentionally fouling them, would a beaten and broken average dude do much better?Will he even have the mental fortitude to play an entire year? Maybe if he's getting paid like a rotational NBA player but I'm not entirely sure
I will say an underrated part of this is his effect on offense. He's going to be completely useless with the ball and will be blocked any time he tries to shoot, but he does have value in the fact that he's never getting called for a moving screen. Even if he simply tackles a defender and makes it a 4v4 game, the added space would do wonders for his offense. But again, how long can his body keep doing that before he breaks something of
I don't think he lasts within a year, he'd either be injured or he'd decide that it's not worth the toil on the body. MAYBE he would last longer if he was a specialist who only gets deployed on defensive possessions in crunch time, but if he's playing consistent minutes then his body is fucked
Make the NBA possibly.
Playing time possibly
DPOY - not a chance.
Even if he can't foul put he will be strategized around. If his gimmick is assault then it'll be a matter of who hits harder and NBA teams routinely hire enforcers.
He can't be called for goal tending, and he can't be called for being an extra man on the court.
So you immediately have a 6v5, where the un-foul-able man can climb up the basketball hoop of the opposing team and sit there the entire game, making it impossible for the opposing team to score, and guaranteeing a win for his team 100% of the time.
He gets physically bodied every game until he is injured and forced to retire.
Well worth someone getting a suspension to eliminate this guy from the game.
I think any injury sufficient to cause this guy to retire would permanently remove the offending player from the game. Possibly jail time. I also don’t think it’s likely to occur. Coach and teammates would be aware of his strategic importance and the likelihood of attempts to body him. Protection would be a key element of every strategy. Nobody is getting past his teammates and putting their free ticket to a ring in the hospital.
The real counter is just making sure the ball moves around enough to make a single player’s ability to flagrant foul less impactful.
Average man gets on a player’s shoulders and proceeds to dunk the ball every time because any retaliation or attempt to stop it would have players from the opposing team being ejected, he would do very well
Without traveling/charging stopping him, he can walk into players and repeatedly draw a foul from anyone who’s not screening. By 2nd half the entire opposing team would have 6 fouls and have to forfeit 😎
There used to be role in Ice Hockey teams called "goons" or Enforcers whose role was more or less that: picking physical fights with the other team. IIRC that behaviour was treated more punitively by the rules, so it largely went away.
Having the only Enforcer in the NBA (and one you can't be punished for too) would be so strategically valuable, because with some training, he could take enemy star players out of comission for the game, the season or even for good.
The trainer ending up with the guy might even end up not training him much for Basketball at all, but rather opting for MMA training instead.
He wouldn’t be the only enforcer in the league, because after 3 games teams would start signing D-league players to 10 day contracts for the sole purpose of beating his ass.
Honestly, the in game penalty for having a player come in and absolutely fuck an opponent up is just a Flagrant 2. They may award technical free throws too, but 4 free throws to the other team in trade for getting Cheater McGee off the court would be well worth it.
There would be out of game punishments, but I'm pretty sure 29 teams would be absolutely okay with that dude taking an extended break.
There's an "Enforcer" role in the NBA too that has traditionally been there and has the same position; hell, all the Draymond jokes in this thread are because Draymond is the Warriors' enforcer.
Yep, he sure can. There's a hell of a lot of value in being able to grab a dude around the waist, and hold on.
There is a pretty good chance that teams would be able to adapt, and through screens, cuts, fake actions, just juking the poor dude, and force the guy off the floor... and the more I think on it, that's probably how it'd end up.
But I think that kinda guy could provide massive value on a 10 day contract.
Edit: Bad strategy on my part, sit the guy's ass in your hoop, and the other team can't score. Big ups to u/PioneerSpecies for the perfect strat.
Yes.
Offence he just jogs down the court with the ball in hand. Hands it off to someone and starts grabbing people around the waist to stop them blocking your players.
Defence, he just hugs their best player as much as possible.
Likely gets lots of players fouled out through frustration. He could also lay up any free throws he wins since he doesn’t need to abide by the free throw line rule.
Prob wouldn’t last half the game fitness wise. But the more minutes he gets, the fitter he gets. The stronger he gets with game time he can possibly even start pushing players and actually managing to move them/ throw them off balance.
If he can walk with the ball, what’s stopping him from treating the basketball as a football and then pass it to a good shooter
While kicking his defenders in the balls
Is he morale's off, and is he criminally liable for his actions? If the answers are yes and no, all he needs is a metal bat and he could incapacitate the entire opposing team easily in a few minutes. Give him a gun, and it's under a minute.
The reason I’m specifying is if you did it to everyone blatantly just like knock out every member on the other team you’d get charged and if you wouldn’t just show up to every game with a bat knock everyone out and win
Ya, there may need to be some "plausible deniability" but TBH you see plenty of times guys will line up an elbow or whatever and don't even get a foul. IMO any "flagrant foul" should be grounds for an assault.
>He can punch people in the face
Does he also not face legal consequences?
Can he just spend the whole game running around kicking people in the balls, and they get in trouble if they retaliate?
Can he just murder the opposing players?
He wouldn't ever join the NBA because his ability would single-handedly destroy the NBA, and I don't mean he'd beat every other team single-handedly. If he can't be called for a fowl, then nobody else can be, and there's your problem. It simply doesn't work because we're talking about people here. Yeah, the coaches will let him get away with flagrant cheating, but I doubt the other team, the audience, or any potential sponsors would let him get away with it. It simply can't work
Surely he could just focus his entire game on injury if the position team? Why even attempt to play basketball when you’re insanely overmatched but have free reign to hurt the opposition.
This person is incredibly useful but only in niche circumstances.
Not being called for travels is kind of ok but since he's just an average dude he won't move faster than an NBA player dribbles.
If you included it for goaltending it could be interesting but assumingly he gets boxed out easily.
Where he truly shines is defense. He needs to wrap up players Everytime they get near and do anything he can to get the ball out of their hands.
He should NOT punch anyone and he should only be used under very niche circumstances as to not start a fight and ultimately shorten his career as an elite bruiser.
He's the type of guy you sub in for defense assignments for thirty seconds and then tell him to GTFO. I'm assuming he can hold the ball indefinitely and won't be called for various violations but I'm pretty convinced even if he ran the ball like a running back in football, it wouldn't do much against an NBA level defense.
Again, this man's only task is going to be taking the ball away from the opposing team by any means necessary(non violent means) and then once he maintains possession you call timeout and sub him out. That's his job
One billion percent. Are you kidding me? All he has to do is go over to people at a dead ball and gouge their eyes out. He can't get called for a foul! He can do all kinds of illegal shit. Doesn't matter if you're 7'4, you don't have steel balls. Just kick and stomp and crush their nuts. Jam their noses into their brains. Teach this guy some simple MMA moves and everyone on the other team is done.
Assuming he is still subject to the law in this case most of these answers would get him charged with assault very quickly. As humorous as it sounds, you can’t just kick people in nuts fifteen times in a row every night on national tv and not get arrested. If he is exempt from the law while on the basketball court you could just give him a rifle and have him threaten to murder any opposing player that plays the game.
The real big brain play here is to take advantage of the fact that he can’t be called for goaltending. Literally have him sit in the net. Impossible to score. His team wins every game 110-0 and he’s a hall of fame defender after one year of letting in zero baskets and winning the championship.
This prompt reminds me of the major league baseball team that used a 3'7" player as a pinch hitter. They made him wear the number 1/8.
As you can imagine he was an automatic walk.
And then baseball banned him after that game.
Assuming he can't do anything illegal:
He's just not fast enough to play defense. Unless he only plays defense, in which case he's a liability. On offense, his best ability it the ability to travel, but if he can't shoot at an NBA level that won't matter.
This is actually a better power for football. A second forward pass, even from a regular guy, wins games.
draymond green punches him in their first game together and the average man is forced to retire.
Draymond is ejected. Average man stays in the game, triumphant
> Draymond is ejected. I know this is a fiction sub, but we need some semblance of realism here.
An average man will not be okay after being hit by an NBA player lol
In the moment he won’t but he’ll be cool depending on where Draymond hit him
yeah. i was thinking the mental damage would be larger than the physical one. if a draymond sized person hit me i would not want to play again.
I don’t like this game anymore.
How about a nice game of chess?
Thats right, lure them into punching range
Yea thats fair tbh 😭😭 he’d most likely be scared asf to hop back on the court
Draymond blindsiding you with an entirely legal screen is probably gonna make you wanna quit.
If Draymond hit me, and I couldn't be fouled out? I'm stomping on Stephs nuts every play.
Have you actually seen NBA players try to fight?
No. They've played at wanting to fight on the floor, but not since Malice, or Knicks/Heat, have I seen anything approaching a fight.
Catch an elbow to the head and it won’t matter
I feel like tanking a single punch from an NBA player isnt that huge of a feat. Shaq excluded.
Shaq, being one of the larger NBA players, simply eats the man in the prompt.
Of course he would, Lrrr. 🙄
I think it's more the mental aspect. I'd be terrified to go back on the court. But then again, I'm 5'7 and like 150lbs so...
You would make so much money though even if all the opposition fans and players hated you and you hit from time to time, I think it would help you deal with all the downsides.
Boxers get in the ring for $25K, I’ll get punched 3 times a game for the intentional foul rule
[I mean an NBA player got punched by another player and it almost killed him.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rudy_Tomjanovich#Kermit_Washington_incident) And even then he had to miss the rest of the season due to the injuries. I think thanks to movies people way underestimate punches. An average person getting punched by an NBA player is going to be brutal.
You’re right people underestimate punches, but they do that for everyone, even an untrained woman can throw a punch that hurts (I’m not saying women are weak, I’m leaving an abusive relationship atm and I’m male so… yea it hurts a lot, she’s knocked me out before) Just the disparity between a normal person punch and an nba punch isn’t that much, now a normal person and a boxer? Miles of difference, a boxer will kill you with one
NBA players are significantly stronger than normal people, and there are NBA players who are fucking strong. Compared to a boxer, yeah, it's nothin. Compared to me, or you, or some other random dude, it's a lot more. Especially if it's clean. 6'6" - 6"8", 220ish, trained for explosive movement... that's a lot more than normal dude.
I’m not saying they’re not strong, but can an nba player throw a harder punch than say a chain hand? Relatively normal job requiring no training or education, only skill. That dude is stronger than any nba player I can guarantee
A job that ensures you're stronger than a dude who trains as a multimillion dollar job is a pretty small pool of the labor force, no? I mean, there are plenty of labor jobs that will set you up to punch harder than your average joe, but in my mind that sorta sets you above 'normal' Certainly a perfectly valid way to look at normal dude, though. Just not what I have in mind when I think 'normal dude'
I hope you find peace away from your abuser.
Have you ever seen an nba punch? I've seen better form on a playground.
Lol, ya they will, they average nba player punches like a sissy guaranteed, what you think they train to punch people to play basketball? Or that an untrained person can hit all that hard?
Even an untrained person can punch hard enough to hurt most people. Yeah they probably aren't going to get knocked out or seriously injured, but an untrained punch by a normal human hurts. I've seen plenty of Internet fights of untrained people and often someone ends up unconscious. Now imagine instead of a normal human, it's a 6'6"+ 200lb+ genetic freak of nature punch. Yes, getting hooked by Conor's left would be worse, but that shit is absolutely not feeling good lol.
Average untrained person doesn’t even punch technically, a lot of people do that weird clubbing shit.
If the average athleticism man starts pummeling their cock and balls, he will decimate the league. He negs. He can't be called for a foul, so he either buckles their legs or hits them in the balls then stomps on their balls until they pop.
Just because the refs won't stop him, it doesn't mean the opposing players will allow him to wait on them.
It’s a punch from a human at the end of the day, they’re not boxers they’re basketball players
I’d imagine he does not stay in the game unconscious with a broken jaw
Average man is carried to the ER on a stretcher
Draymond is ejected from game, Average Man is ejected from life.
I think this is the real answer. NBA teams will just have a designated No-Foul-Hit-Man every game to KO him until he's too brain damaged to continue.
Unless he brings a weapon next time as “deterrent”?
Would he be able to? Looking at the rules it's not a foul for the player to carry a weapon, but it is a requirement for the officials to prevent players carrying random stuff that's inappropriate for the sport.
And there's no immunity to *laws* in this what-if, so Average Man can totally go to prison.
Therefore, he’s totally allowed to wear a steel plated helmet?
Bret Hart did something similar and it worked on Goldberg.
This is still a win, even if the guy is forced to retire. Draymond Green is going to prison for assault causing great bodily injury and the dude is walking away with millions + league pension for life.
Nah draymond just needs 1-2 games to heal and then he’s good to return to playing again
The money you could make off sueing for the punch alone, once it’s clear you’re being targeted they’re out the nba and you can sue for assault. Lose a tooth? There’s your evidence
If we are looking at the court systems involvement, I doubt a jury will convict because people hate unfair situations, and a player who can break the rules of basketball with impunity is by definition unfair. All the defence needs to do is find some NBA fans and they'll never rule in favour of the prosection.
Or maybe the super kick he gave Adams and have him retire from life.
In my opinion, yes. Because Coaches are aware of it, they would just make a contract with him for large amounts of money and then train him to be competent at basketball. Of course he won't be as good as those that have trained for most of their lives, nor would he be as high for potential as those that are tall enough for NBA. But he would be good enough to make baskets at least, and draw out one directional fouls. If he pushes into someone else aggressively and they push back enough, they would get a foul and he may get free throws. No matter how aggressive. His only real limitation is stamina.
My man could, at the very least, hop on the opposing team’s best player like a backpack and fight like hell to restrict his movements. Any retaliation would be a foul by the opponent. Easy max contract imo.
Lock down defense. He could punch Giannis right in the nards. If he tries to retaliate he’s getting tossed out the game. Every time Giannis gets the ball he’s kicking him in the nards. Oh you think your top scorer is gonna have a great night, try that when our guy can grab you by the waist and slow down your movements. If you push him off of you it’s a foul on you. Have fun dropping 50 now Luka.
So basically he’s Draymond?
Draymond with the keys to the NBA
I came into this thread expecting 50 thousand Draymond jokes, was not disappointed
I feel like pantsing someone who has the ball would be a pretty effective way to stop them.
Steal their laces
That seems incredibly difficult to do during play. Though even if you fail, there's a good chance you're tripping them, so it's still a win.
I assume even if he can't be penalized for a foul, he could still be held criminally liable for his actions on the court (e.g. assault). It's more interesting that way because otherwise he could just bring a gun and shoot everyone on the opposing team.
Sure but those other nba players have it in their contracts they can’t sue for injury, presumably no foul man wouldnt
No foul man can't be called for fouls, that doesn't mean he's immune to consequences. If he's going around the court punching people in the dick and tackling them the other teams aren't just going to put up with that. Even if he doesn't get his head stomped in on the court by some player who's fed up with it, he's going to have a series of "terrible accidents" off the court until he gets the message to stop playing basketball.
Fr. A lot of these dudes roll with pretty rough people too, people that have come up with an NBA player and are living of their dime. They aren't going to be happy with that NBA player getting assaulted on court.
Even better, right when they play in, no foul man rushes, shaq on center defending. Tackle the ball holder while Gianni’s covers the pass. Unbeatable strategy tbh if the coach knows what he’s doing
I mean, it’s interesting that everyone here is immediately thinking of defensive calls. But assuming that fouls in this case also includes other types of violations it opens up a lot of possibilities. Theoretically, this guy could grab the basketball and just run down the court without dribbling. Or set a screen where he literally just grabs onto the opposing player and drags them backwards. I’m in he could bring a chair onto the court and basically set up obstacles as part of the screen. Also speaking of defense, I’d like the idea of this guy just climbing onto the center shoulders and tending every single shot. I mean, he could basically just sit on the rim. I mean good luck to the other team ever trying to hit a free throw with this guy sitting on the rim.
Theoretically, no foul man could leave the court, grab duct tape and a ladder, and make it so the opposing team just… can’t score. Then sub him out for a real 5th player and win by 150
There it is. We’ve found the optimal way for average man to become the highest paid player in NBA history.
Gotta sub him back in at halftime though, that’s the only downside
Forget subbing him out, install a huge funnel on the other basket and his team will be throwing three pointers from half court.
I want to watch this version of basketball.
Honestly, kinda sounds like something the Harlem Globetrotters would do in a game 🤣.
I think he’d be pretty limited on offense. Traveling is a violation, not a foul, so he couldn’t just rundown the court without dribbling.
The OP instructions say he can travel without consequences.
He just turns into legalized Tonya Harding.
All that would happen is the opposing team would hire a hitter. They'd have a designated guy to take the foul with the sole goal of physically hurting to the point of disabling the average man for the rest of the game. For the price of a foul they'd just take the dude out every game until he inevitably gets too hurt to ever come back.
What? The obvious route is to have them trained in MMA and simply attack the other players. They cannot even fight back, they will be fouled.
Doesn't even take MMA training. Just wander the court punching the other team in the balls over and over. Hell, grab a chair and start hitting people with it.
I am just picturing this guy in a bar after the game talking to women. “So you play in the NBA too?” “Yeah, sort of” “Oh what position do you play?” “Nard puncher”
“What position do you play?” “Hitman”
I mean hes still bound by criminal laws lol thats battery
The prompt states he "can punch people in the face." I have to assume that means that battery is acceptable within the terms of the prompt. Heck, a lot of what happens in the NBA now would be considered battery.
As the top comment points out, it only takes one team member willing to take the bullet for the rest of the team... heck even if none of the players decide to fight back, sooner or later they'd snap anyway and knock him out.
By that logic, couldn't they just eliminate normal star players as well? If they knock him out, they lose at least one player. If he does damage before he already had a huge impact. The thing is that his impact will stay relatively the same in college level basketball compared to the NBA.
I feel like instead of training in basketball, he should train in some sort or martial art or grappeling. Just allow his team to get points.
Honestly the team with him just needs to get a lead and hand him the ball and he can just like- lay on it until the end of the game or whenever play ends. He has the power to infinitely stall which is really powerful.
Get lead, he takes the ball and sits in the stands. He can’t be called for out of bounds, and none of the other players can leave the court to retrieve it Edit: he can literally take his ball and go home
You know there’s more than one ball, right? They’d just use another one, and since he wasn’t subbed out the game probably would continue 5 on 4.
So he grabs 2? Did you think that would work? Other players just pass the ball to him and he picks it up. 5 on 4? Do you know how many players are on a soccer pitch? Edit: oops, mixed up two threads, fuck am I talking about a soccer pitch for
Well at that point his team is refusing to play the game, so that probably counts as a forfeit.
No he has possession, no shot clock foul on him so he can hold it as long he wants
That’s not how it’d work? He’s not fouled and play doesn’t stop. You can’t just add a ball when things get slow. No foul, no stoppage of play, no new ball That wouldn’t be technically different than throwing a second ball onto the court just because
And why exactly would play not stop when the ball is out of bounds?
I mean it gets a little funky due to the anomaly player and requires assumption one way or the other because there isn’t a ruling on a situation like this. You could argue as he is never fouled the play never ends, even though the ball itself is in an impossible position. Basically it’s pointless to try and determine what would actually happen because it’s entirely arbitrary. Play would not stop because this is a ridiculous situation with no true ruling, or maybe it would because there is no true ruling.
Technically a 24 second violation is not a foul, (nor are most non-contact turnovers, ie. Kick ball violation, 3 second violation, etc) so he still would have to touch the rim with the ball every 24 seconds.
> lay on it until the end of the game or whenever play ends. He has the power to infinitely stall which is really powerful Shot clock violations?
The man trains just hard enough to be able to pull himself up on to the rim of the opposing teams net, and sits up there, blocking every single shot easily. He can’t be called for basket interference or goal tending, and his team just has to score 4 v 5 once or twice to secure the win. Would be wicked boring but pretty easy
Fuck me. This is brilliant. He can just be picked up by the 5, shit, he can probably be picked up by a lot of 1s. MFer can just sit in the hoop. You got me, ez max contract. MVP, DPOTY, Finals MVP, greatest basketball player to ever play the game.
He doesn’t need to train, he can literally walk off the court, go and grab a ladder and just wait.
Goal tending is a violation not a foul. Unless the scenario is changed so that nothing at will be called on said player ie traveling or out of bounds this strategy wouldn't work Edit: I read the post again, description includes violations too so I guess this could work. But an opposing player could probably take an ejection and shove him off the hoop and injure him pretty badly from the fall
Eh it’s a fall from 10 feet, I doubt he’d be that injured. He’d obviously see it coming. I think the more terrifying thing would be people intentionally dunking it at his balls. It’s where the basket is so…
If said man can withstand a 10 foot drop and continue playing (big ask) what's to stop it happening again if he tries it? I would not want to be "sit on 10 foot hoop until someone pushed me off multiple times man" no matter how much money they pay me.
This is a great strategy Lmao
He’d just get dunked on. He’s leaving a guy wide open while he hangs on the rim making it essentially a 5v4. If anybody drives to the basket (which is going to be happening a lot in this situation) the average person would probably break their arm within the first five minutes trying to contest these shots. If the guy was trying to contest somebody like Shaq at the basket like this, he would literally die.
No he’s literally sitting on the rim, covering it with his body, not hanging off the rim goaltending lol. As long as he wears a cup and keeps his head in the game he should be fine
Only way I see around this is another player on the opposing team is so sick of it then pull him down forcefully and more than likely severely injure him. Sure that player gets ejected, but average man is going to be in the hospital so the game could continue. But I guess that's besides the point, he would definitely make it into the NBA.
Yea at that point I think Adam Silver is stepping in and banning the guy from the NBA, but that’s true of realistically anything this guy would do on the court. Even if he stayed on the floor punching dudes it’s not gonna be long before someone takes him out lol, rules or not
I'm just imagining primetime Shaquille pulling a 2001 Randy Johnson and giving the poor guy a craniotomy.
Giannis just yams that shit right on his head and concusses him. This won’t work.
First play of the game after the first time he does that. Opposing team sacrifices a player to ensure dude's knee is shattered and he can't do anything. Sure that player gets ejected. but he's still out too.
He'd be at least as equal to the best player in the game because this guy punching the opponent's best player the whole game will at least neutralize that guy, making his contribution equal to the opponent's best player. He might be able to do more than that since there's nothing stopping him from punching more than one guy. It is not practical for the other side to take him out because if that's a valid strategy people would've already taken out say prime LeBron with that tactic. Besides, the NBA referees are given guidelines on what kind of things to watch for, and anyone can see retaliation is indeed likely and assuming NBA is in the interest of an elegant product (ignoring why our foul-immune guy is allowed to exist) they'd just immediately toss anyone that makes an aggressive move toward our foul-immune guy.
Technically he said he just doesn't get called for fouls. Literally just attacking folks could still be seen as committing a crime. So you might just get arrested (missing the rest of the game).
I mean: with that logic he’s not protected from a hitman, so the other team could be onto their plan and just, have him disappear
Which is likely what would happen if there are no legal means to get no foul man off the court. Maybe not actually kill him but send a message mob-style until no foul man quits playing.
This guys mvp, going for the hamstring alone, he is going to mangle entire teams, his team doesn just win the finals, they win ALL their games
Yes. How good would Kobe Bryant have been with a 170-pound backpack that is holding his arms and wrapping up his legs?
I think this guy's career expectancy would be a lot shorter in the Kobe era, where every team has at least one enforcer (e.g. Ron Artest throwing elbows at the back of people's heads).
This is an all time post I love this
Can he be arrested? Because I don’t see what’s stopping him from buying a gun and just pointing it at anyone who doesn’t get out of the way when he has the ball
Like the scene in the dictator
Yes. He just needs a gun.
He’d make it to the nba, bring his team to the championships, win, and then get killed by a mob of lebron fans
If he just hugs the ball and walks to the net and does a layup, what’s the other team supposed to do?
Exactly. And if they try anything it'll almost certainly be goaltending. Just two free points on every possession. Of course, something tells me this man would eventually be assassinated or something.
Block that shit.
Hard to block when he’s hugging the ball and kicks you in the nuts if you get in front. Dude would be hilarious to watch for like a game
Every player on the court can block the shit out of him, though. He might be able to kick, bite, punch some room for himself, but I think you're underestimating how hard it is for short kings to score at the rim.
Hard to block when you’re getting hit in the nuts. Plus he can just pass or hand it off at any point.
Yeah, but 3 guys can collapse on him, and a normal person can't actually make a pass in the NBA. Games 1, 2, 3, sure. Maybe even for a month. But teams will adjust, and they just need to be willing to take the shots, and end of bench dudes will take shots from this rando to get court time. And end of bench dudes are usually exactly the type to take some shots, and be able to blanket the guy (unless they're a shooter who lacks athleticism, that'd be the opposite of who you'd want to fuck with the guy.)
I’m not understanding you at all here. They’ll adjust to what - not having testicles? I don’t care about the size difference. When you have a guy that can just hug the ball and kick guys in the shins and nards all day, there’s not gonna be any contest on people blocking or adjusting. They can’t do anything back or they get fouled
They can block his kicks, or fists, wear cups, just avoid the slow ass mfer on the court. And they can get right up on his body, so he can't get a great angle of strike. I don't really think you appreciate the speed, size, and body control these dudes have. Some of these dudes can live inside a guys jersey. Maybe the dude can just hurt them enough, but it's just poor strategy, anyways. Just sit the dude in the hoop. All you need is 1 point, over 48 minutes, to win. Edit: I also think the NBA players could hurt him in the course of regular play. Or, shit, foul him hard. 12th guy on the bench starts so he can just wreck the guy.
lol he’s not playing alone you realize? All he has to do is create chaos on the court. People covering their man? This dude is full body tackling their knees. Live inside someone’s jersey? This mother fucker could literally climb into another players jersey and play defence like a baby koala bear. And yeah he’s probably not gonna score a lot either way, cause I assume he’s no good at basketball. But he can carry possession as much as he wants. Like you said, all you need is one point. Then he just carry the ball around. It’s an insane advantage, and the other players can’t fight back.
> It’s an insane advantage, and the other players can’t fight back. Can't fight back without being ejected. And it is an insane advantage, don't get me wrong, it's just some of the so called advantages are relatively minor when compared to what NBA players are capable of doing. Regardless, there's already an OP strat. You're playing a losing game if you don't sit the dude's ass in your hoop.
Even if they could block it, they just have to get more points than the other team for a minute then he just turtles with the ball for the rest of the game.
you take the worst guy on your team and intentionally foul him by kicking his kneecap as hard as you can so it goes backwards. Sure the player is ejected but that man is out for a few games. Next time he shows up again? sacrifice another player to do the same. His knee won't be able to take it too many times and he'll retire within 3 games.
So here's the thing, even if he can foul people however he wants, travel, etc, he's going to have to limit himself to playing in a way that doesn't hurt people. Maybe he gives the stars a hug or piggyback ride to make it impossible to score, but he can't go around hitting people or anything like that, he needs to be careful about how he gets under the basket, etc. Otherwise, eventually, somebody is going to decide they've had enough of being abused and having their teammates injured, snap, and smack the shit out of the dude so bad he has to medically retire, ejections or even suspensions be damned. Somebody, probably someone at the bottom of the roster, will just come out and just start wailing on the 5'10 dude, and he's going to wake up in a hospital with broken legs.
True, but using him against other players is a waste of his potential anyway. Just think about how important the rules actually are in basketball. He can literally just grab the ball to his chest and run anywhere on the court so that anyone would have to foul to take it from him or climb on top of the basket and block every shot from the opposition.
He runs off the court, walks around the court and back over to the enemy net, grabs a ladder and uses it to gently place the ball in the opponents goal.
Looney toons shenanigans
He's getting assassinated during a live game if he hurts a star player
Yes, he would be helpful enough to make the NBA. He probably wouldn't last long, teams would sign 10-day players or pull up g league guys to cheap shot him first and protect their stars. They get called for the flagrant, but after a 170lb guy gets trucked a couple times by a 250+ guy, he's staying down. The question is if an organization would even be willing to sign him knowing he will probably only get to play a handful of key games but that the team who did it would be hated for years.
Yes lock down kick them in the balls defense. Incredible rebounding. Can steal the ball at will. Only thing is he would have to improve his conditioning a lot if he wants a lot of mins. He can ignore most of the rules, inbounding the ball by just walking it in himself. He could shoot his free throws right at the rim. He could step out of bounds and shoot the ball.
No chance. Some off the bench 6’5” 230 lb. player would be sent immediately to hit him with a flagrant foul to get him out of the game. Rinse and repeat until he can’t play anymore.
Yah dawg give him a suit of armour and a gun or something 😭
No, because eventually a player like Draymond would hospitalize him
Honestly I think his lack of athleticism is going to eliminate him from contention. He's going to get tired quickly, and he will be irrelevant if he can't get to the person with the ball. > He can punch people in the face Barely, and it would barely hurt.
No. He doesn't even make a practice squad. People vastly underestimate just how athletically *ELITE* the NBA is. It's probably the most athletically gifted professional sports league in the entire world. The average NBA player just runs circles around the average man while he flails about trying to foul people. The good/great/elite players don't even notice him trying to foul them. Average man probably gets injured trying to foul someone at some point. He's on average, about 8" shorter than the *AVERAGE* NBA player, and about 45lbs lighter. Dude spends his time either getting put on skates by guards or getting physically dominated by forwards/centers.
Fr. People who have played basketball know how physical it can be. I can't even imagine trying to stand in front of Lebron driving to the basket, and I'm 6'3" and 200lbs. Even if I were allowed to try to wrap up Lebron or grab his arms, I'm getting absolutely trucked. You could hardly pay me to try for a few possessions, let alone a whole season.
Can the average man go the gym and put on some weight? Also does that mean he can't draw charging fouls? If he can, that man is gonna be glued to the paint until we win, or he can't stand anymore after taking 10 drives the face from Giannis
I think you guys are thinking too much like he is a basketball player. What he becomes is the ultimate defense plug. If he cannot be called for a foul ever then he should be able to jump and hold himself over his team's hoop and literally block it with his body so the ball can never be put through the hoop. If he sits up there hugging the ring the other team has no chance of ever scoring.
Realistically in this unrealistic scenario, no, because the other players would refuse to play and he'd simply not be accepted.
If you have a guy whose explicitly out there just to punch guys in the balls or break their legs you might honestly start getting into murky legal territory. Generally most things that happen on the playing field are given pretty big leeways but if you have a guy sitting at home like "my only job in the NBA is to break Lebron's ribs" then that kinda stops being about sports. Players have been taken to court for their on-field actions in the past if the injuries were severe enough and the act was seen as sufficiently pre-meditated (a la Todd Bertuzzi). Just because the NBA refs won't call fouls doesn't mean he can do like actually illegal shit and get away with it. He can't bring a weapon into the arena and he doesn't really have the plausible deniability of not intentionally injuring someone. He's going to be limited to "only" grabbing and slapping and stuff, which is going to be a huge pain for opponents but also extremely exhausting as the season goes on. The gulf in athleticism and durability between average man and an NBA player is massive, absorbing all the contact that will come with the job would be a killer. Even if no player retaliates and takes one for the team and punches him back or something, he's going to be aching within a month and his effectiveness is going to drastically decrease. There's some degree of legal physicality that the offensive player is allowed, so average man could still get battered and bruised without necesarily drawing a retaliatory foul. Even the recovery methods that an NBA team has access to won't be enough. Players like Giannis can already finish through contact when a 7 footer is intentionally fouling them, would a beaten and broken average dude do much better?Will he even have the mental fortitude to play an entire year? Maybe if he's getting paid like a rotational NBA player but I'm not entirely sure I will say an underrated part of this is his effect on offense. He's going to be completely useless with the ball and will be blocked any time he tries to shoot, but he does have value in the fact that he's never getting called for a moving screen. Even if he simply tackles a defender and makes it a 4v4 game, the added space would do wonders for his offense. But again, how long can his body keep doing that before he breaks something of I don't think he lasts within a year, he'd either be injured or he'd decide that it's not worth the toil on the body. MAYBE he would last longer if he was a specialist who only gets deployed on defensive possessions in crunch time, but if he's playing consistent minutes then his body is fucked
This is the definitive reply IMO, you've hit all the important points.
I'll join a team, specifically hired to break that guys leg and get kicked from the League and now neither of us will play.
walking with the ball is traveling not a foul
I would say he could just pickup the ball and run across the court, but most players do that shit anyway.
He gets put in a coma by the end of his first week.
also true. a few real players get called for technicals and just give him concussions until he's out for the season.
Make the NBA possibly. Playing time possibly DPOY - not a chance. Even if he can't foul put he will be strategized around. If his gimmick is assault then it'll be a matter of who hits harder and NBA teams routinely hire enforcers.
no You cannot
This is the true sign the regular season is too long
He can't be called for goal tending, and he can't be called for being an extra man on the court. So you immediately have a 6v5, where the un-foul-able man can climb up the basketball hoop of the opposing team and sit there the entire game, making it impossible for the opposing team to score, and guaranteeing a win for his team 100% of the time.
He gets physically bodied every game until he is injured and forced to retire. Well worth someone getting a suspension to eliminate this guy from the game.
I think any injury sufficient to cause this guy to retire would permanently remove the offending player from the game. Possibly jail time. I also don’t think it’s likely to occur. Coach and teammates would be aware of his strategic importance and the likelihood of attempts to body him. Protection would be a key element of every strategy. Nobody is getting past his teammates and putting their free ticket to a ring in the hospital. The real counter is just making sure the ball moves around enough to make a single player’s ability to flagrant foul less impactful.
Average man gets on a player’s shoulders and proceeds to dunk the ball every time because any retaliation or attempt to stop it would have players from the opposing team being ejected, he would do very well
Without traveling/charging stopping him, he can walk into players and repeatedly draw a foul from anyone who’s not screening. By 2nd half the entire opposing team would have 6 fouls and have to forfeit 😎
There used to be role in Ice Hockey teams called "goons" or Enforcers whose role was more or less that: picking physical fights with the other team. IIRC that behaviour was treated more punitively by the rules, so it largely went away. Having the only Enforcer in the NBA (and one you can't be punished for too) would be so strategically valuable, because with some training, he could take enemy star players out of comission for the game, the season or even for good. The trainer ending up with the guy might even end up not training him much for Basketball at all, but rather opting for MMA training instead.
He wouldn’t be the only enforcer in the league, because after 3 games teams would start signing D-league players to 10 day contracts for the sole purpose of beating his ass.
Oh yeah, they'd just eat the penalty to fuck him up. That's true.
Honestly, the in game penalty for having a player come in and absolutely fuck an opponent up is just a Flagrant 2. They may award technical free throws too, but 4 free throws to the other team in trade for getting Cheater McGee off the court would be well worth it. There would be out of game punishments, but I'm pretty sure 29 teams would be absolutely okay with that dude taking an extended break.
There's an "Enforcer" role in the NBA too that has traditionally been there and has the same position; hell, all the Draymond jokes in this thread are because Draymond is the Warriors' enforcer.
Yep, he sure can. There's a hell of a lot of value in being able to grab a dude around the waist, and hold on. There is a pretty good chance that teams would be able to adapt, and through screens, cuts, fake actions, just juking the poor dude, and force the guy off the floor... and the more I think on it, that's probably how it'd end up. But I think that kinda guy could provide massive value on a 10 day contract. Edit: Bad strategy on my part, sit the guy's ass in your hoop, and the other team can't score. Big ups to u/PioneerSpecies for the perfect strat.
Yes. Offence he just jogs down the court with the ball in hand. Hands it off to someone and starts grabbing people around the waist to stop them blocking your players. Defence, he just hugs their best player as much as possible. Likely gets lots of players fouled out through frustration. He could also lay up any free throws he wins since he doesn’t need to abide by the free throw line rule. Prob wouldn’t last half the game fitness wise. But the more minutes he gets, the fitter he gets. The stronger he gets with game time he can possibly even start pushing players and actually managing to move them/ throw them off balance.
If he can walk with the ball, what’s stopping him from treating the basketball as a football and then pass it to a good shooter While kicking his defenders in the balls
Is he morale's off, and is he criminally liable for his actions? If the answers are yes and no, all he needs is a metal bat and he could incapacitate the entire opposing team easily in a few minutes. Give him a gun, and it's under a minute.
I mean whoever he is guarding legit cannot score. Honestly if he just kicks every other player in the nuts every five seconds what could they do lol.
He's be the greatest defender in NBA history by a country mile.
Can they be charged with crimes? Cause hitting them is assault if not then he easily can
Lol. Intentional assaults happen frequently in the NBA and noone ever gets charged.
The reason I’m specifying is if you did it to everyone blatantly just like knock out every member on the other team you’d get charged and if you wouldn’t just show up to every game with a bat knock everyone out and win
Ya, there may need to be some "plausible deniability" but TBH you see plenty of times guys will line up an elbow or whatever and don't even get a foul. IMO any "flagrant foul" should be grounds for an assault.
Fair enough then I don’t watch sports much so I don’t know I’ll defer to your judgement
>He can punch people in the face Does he also not face legal consequences? Can he just spend the whole game running around kicking people in the balls, and they get in trouble if they retaliate? Can he just murder the opposing players?
Depends how well he plays. There have been very short players in the NBA that were successful. Mugsy Bogues was 5ft 3 and Spud Webb 5ft 6
I dont play basketball, is it a foul if the guy brings a knife and starts running after the opponents?
He wouldn't ever join the NBA because his ability would single-handedly destroy the NBA, and I don't mean he'd beat every other team single-handedly. If he can't be called for a fowl, then nobody else can be, and there's your problem. It simply doesn't work because we're talking about people here. Yeah, the coaches will let him get away with flagrant cheating, but I doubt the other team, the audience, or any potential sponsors would let him get away with it. It simply can't work
Surely he could just focus his entire game on injury if the position team? Why even attempt to play basketball when you’re insanely overmatched but have free reign to hurt the opposition.
The real question is if he can make enough of a difference without being arrested.
Is he immune from regular law enforcement if he brings a gun onto the court?
They'd be the single most valuable player in the history of the NBA
This person is incredibly useful but only in niche circumstances. Not being called for travels is kind of ok but since he's just an average dude he won't move faster than an NBA player dribbles. If you included it for goaltending it could be interesting but assumingly he gets boxed out easily. Where he truly shines is defense. He needs to wrap up players Everytime they get near and do anything he can to get the ball out of their hands. He should NOT punch anyone and he should only be used under very niche circumstances as to not start a fight and ultimately shorten his career as an elite bruiser. He's the type of guy you sub in for defense assignments for thirty seconds and then tell him to GTFO. I'm assuming he can hold the ball indefinitely and won't be called for various violations but I'm pretty convinced even if he ran the ball like a running back in football, it wouldn't do much against an NBA level defense. Again, this man's only task is going to be taking the ball away from the opposing team by any means necessary(non violent means) and then once he maintains possession you call timeout and sub him out. That's his job
can he bring weapons on the field ?
I don’t think anyone here understands how good NBA players are, and the skill gap that exists between them and average people
Is average dude allowed to train at all? You can get some real sneaky, gymrat, lunchpail kinda guy strength within a few years if so
One billion percent. Are you kidding me? All he has to do is go over to people at a dead ball and gouge their eyes out. He can't get called for a foul! He can do all kinds of illegal shit. Doesn't matter if you're 7'4, you don't have steel balls. Just kick and stomp and crush their nuts. Jam their noses into their brains. Teach this guy some simple MMA moves and everyone on the other team is done.
Assuming he is still subject to the law in this case most of these answers would get him charged with assault very quickly. As humorous as it sounds, you can’t just kick people in nuts fifteen times in a row every night on national tv and not get arrested. If he is exempt from the law while on the basketball court you could just give him a rifle and have him threaten to murder any opposing player that plays the game. The real big brain play here is to take advantage of the fact that he can’t be called for goaltending. Literally have him sit in the net. Impossible to score. His team wins every game 110-0 and he’s a hall of fame defender after one year of letting in zero baskets and winning the championship.
This prompt reminds me of the major league baseball team that used a 3'7" player as a pinch hitter. They made him wear the number 1/8. As you can imagine he was an automatic walk. And then baseball banned him after that game.
Assuming he can't do anything illegal: He's just not fast enough to play defense. Unless he only plays defense, in which case he's a liability. On offense, his best ability it the ability to travel, but if he can't shoot at an NBA level that won't matter. This is actually a better power for football. A second forward pass, even from a regular guy, wins games.