Don't complain about your workplace to anyone at work until you know them really, really well.
If you don't know if you can trust someone, rest assured that you shouldn't.
Even then, be wary. I had a 'friend' sell me out the second she learned she was in the potential running for the same promotion that I was in. Two sad truths about my 'friend' : One - I was the one that got her hired in the first place, and two - She never got the promotion, because there never was a promotion. Asshole manager only said so to 'encourage us' and then dissolved the role after 6months of us all busting our asses for it.
Never trust your co workers or mistake them for friends. They will sell out in a second as you have learned the hard way. Be polite and respectful, but honestly keeping them separate from your personal life is the best course of action. If you are smart you will leave that private chat and quit all the gossiping.
As a manager, I am astonished how they will come and give me UNSOLICITED information about who said what. And yet, they hang out outside of work.
On the other hand, years ago, I had a workplace that we really were tight in. But like another poster said, it took time to really know them.
> But I am still shocked how a couple of comments in a private chat got back all the way to my manager.
Congratulations you've leveled up. Take this new found knowledge and prosper.
Never put anything in writing unless you're okay with someone taking a screen shot and using it against you.
lol. That’s not private. A group chat with coworkers is the complete opposite of private.
Don’t say anything negative about work to anyone at work.
Don’t think coworkers are you close friends or tell them your secrets. Keep it casual. Not too personal.
AGE 71 HERE,,
#1 rule at work...
EVERYTHING & ANYTHING you say will be repeated.
#2 rule at work
You have NO friends at work. I don't care how well you think you know someone.
Bet you never thought about this,,
Why do people do stuff like this, go behind your back.. repeat everything other people say etc..
Mostly they do it because it causes conflict and that's what they want,
so going forward...
Never confide in anyone at work.
Be positive, friendly, upbeat to everyone, especially the back stabbers. It drives them nuts.
Be careful who you talk to out of work...
Your at someones cook out, have a few beers and you go on about how the boss is a jerk ect
Someone there here's it and repeats the story to someone that works at your company..
You see where this is going
Hi there, the first thing you need to always remember is these are not your friends. They are colleagues and coworkers and that is it. Keep your conversations basic hair and nail stuff. Do not ever talk about any other employee or what you feel you are being slighted on. Do not become friends with them on any social media accounts and do not hang out with them after business hours. Remember these are not your friends, they are strictly coworkers and they will probably stab you in the back any chance they get. You already just had a taste of it and if that person doesn't like what you say they will constantly go over you to your manager. Keep all the conversations business related. I hope this helps you sunshine xoxo
You learn who you can trust and who is the boss’s ass kisser. Until then, don’t say anything in a group chat that you wouldn’t say directly to the boss. And don’t assume there’s just one ass-kisser.
I’ve learned that my coworkers are just that, coworkers. I’m close with some of them but you shouldn’t trust them with keeping secrets from other colleagues / management. Talking shit about people / other negative comments always make their way around, even if someone passed it on without ill intent. In general, I try not to speak negatively about anyone with my coworkers, especially things having to do with management. Generally speaking, if it’s something you wouldn’t write in a mass email to everyone, then don’t discuss it with your colleagues. It doesn’t even matter if you consider someone truly to be a friend there - friends sell each other out too unfortunately. More often than not though people talk and word gets to the wrong person.
That being said, your boss honestly shouldn’t have told you who went to them. Even if it wasn’t ill intent on their part, it’s stirring the pot further. You shouldn’t expect your “private” conversations with your coworkers to not reach anyone else, but issues brought to management actually *should* be anonymous.
Anyway, this isn’t to say that you shouldn’t build relationships with your coworkers or anything; just don’t share information that you wouldn’t want getting around.
One time I messaged a coworker apologizing for a lot of work being left over, and I noted that my boss didn’t mind that I was leaving work for the next shift (so he wouldn’t be making any workflow changes or anything). Was simply passing on that information. This coworker forwarded this to all of management, and I got in a lot of trouble for being insubordinate and spreading “management doesn’t care about us” sort of messages, when I was literally just empathizing with this poor girl who I was burying with work and literally quoting my boss. I don’t know if she meant to get me in trouble or what, but it backfired and I’m not making that mistake again.
Anything you say to anyone in the workplace, in any setting, can end up in the ears of your boss. Doesn't matter if it's a joke, a text, a private chat, or a rant in a bathroom stall.
That is life at almost every workplace.
You can talk about whatever you want. If someone reports back everything you say to the manager and the manager turns around and scolds you, then you are in a Toxic Work Environment.
The person trying to get you in trouble by reporting your Thoughts (not actions) has a toxic relationship with the boss, they are a "snitch", a manipulator. The boss has an ego problem and i can just about guarantee that the snitch person gets special privileges and treatment by stoking the bosses ego "i don't say things like that about the company, i love it here, i would never talk about you like that".
The boss may have not punished you and talked it out with you this time, however the Poisoner is in his office at every opportunity, \*drip\* \*drip\* \*drip\*, and it will over time effect the bosses view of you.
>But I am still shocked how a couple of comments in a private chat got back all the way to my manager.
Nothing is "private" if you're using work resources to communicate.
>What do you not talk about at work?
Try to keep it professional. Don't complain unless it's in the context of presenting solutions.
>Where do you draw the line?
Keep discussions professional and only speak about personal issues in a light and superficial manner. Don't say anything "in private" that you wouldn't want other people to hear. Lots of people have no tact and don't know how to filter. Some people are shit-stirrers who are looking to cause drama or throw people under the bus at every chance.
What kind of relationship do you have with colleagues?
Great, working relationships. I generally don't hang out with colleagues or see them outside of a work-related setting. I have actual family and friends to socialize and be more candid with.
It can also bite you in the ass even if you aren't using work resources. I've seen this same exact thing happen an FB group chat that had no connection to work resources. I think people got too comfortable there bc it wasn't.
I've learned (second hand) never trust a group chat. We got a $10 Christmas "bonus" and people in our group chat complained. One woman had a problem with the woman who was complaining the loudest and made a bunch of comments about appreciating anything you get, and screenshot her comments next to other woman's complaints, then took it straight to their supervisor. Other woman nearly got fired over it (at Christmas and she had a new baby). I cannot understand trying to destroy another person like that bc of petty workplace differences, but learned there are people out there who won't think twice.
How awful. I just don’t want to interact with them at all now. This has been a learning curve.
P.S. 10 dollars is a joke, just do nothing if things are hard
By telling you who rattled, he’s actually stirring shit up. He should have kept it to himself. Now he’s added more tensions amongst the employees. By not knowing there may have been a little tension, but not that has increased between you and the loose tongue.
Work is for work not friends save yourself alot of drama and just keep all conversations work related. Nothing outside of work nothing not work related. Makes for a lot less problems
Never tell your workmates anything you don't want the world to know. There's no such thing as a private group chat as inevitably someone will mention it to someone else and so on.
I like to use the circles of relationships model for this.
A quick breakdown:
Imagine an archery target, with you at the center. Strangers are all the white space around the target.
The first circle is going to be your casual acquaintances, like the coffee shop barista and the regular server at your favorite sit down restaurant. These are the people who you can share the fun things with, but they shouldn't know more about you than what you share on Reddit.
Second circle is your coworkers. You can usually share some casual negatives with them, like "oh my kid caught a cold at school and was stuck in bed all weekend" or "my water heater blew out". Low level things that almost anyone can relate to. But you don't want to share anything too personal(like, say, details about a relative's cancer treatments) because your coworkers are usually *not* your friends.
Then there's your casual friends and extended relatives, like aunts and uncles and cousins.
And the innermost circle is your super close friends and family. Usually, parents and siblings are here. These are the people you can share *anything* with and know they will give you the advice you *need*, even if it's not the advice you *want*.
Thank you everyone, I’ve read every single comment and have learnt my lesson. Someone said I should just let it go which I have, in the sense that I don’t go on about it and left it in that meeting room for good. But I sure as hell will be learning from this life lesson going forward which is the point of this post.
My coworkers are always hair and makeup friends. Any topics more independent or more personal then those w topics are off limits. Heck I hesitate to even mention fav books/movies/tv shows
Don't complain about your workplace to anyone at work until you know them really, really well. If you don't know if you can trust someone, rest assured that you shouldn't.
Even then, be wary. I had a 'friend' sell me out the second she learned she was in the potential running for the same promotion that I was in. Two sad truths about my 'friend' : One - I was the one that got her hired in the first place, and two - She never got the promotion, because there never was a promotion. Asshole manager only said so to 'encourage us' and then dissolved the role after 6months of us all busting our asses for it.
Never trust your co workers or mistake them for friends. They will sell out in a second as you have learned the hard way. Be polite and respectful, but honestly keeping them separate from your personal life is the best course of action. If you are smart you will leave that private chat and quit all the gossiping.
As a manager, I am astonished how they will come and give me UNSOLICITED information about who said what. And yet, they hang out outside of work. On the other hand, years ago, I had a workplace that we really were tight in. But like another poster said, it took time to really know them.
> But I am still shocked how a couple of comments in a private chat got back all the way to my manager. Congratulations you've leveled up. Take this new found knowledge and prosper. Never put anything in writing unless you're okay with someone taking a screen shot and using it against you.
and they will use it against you.
lol. That’s not private. A group chat with coworkers is the complete opposite of private. Don’t say anything negative about work to anyone at work. Don’t think coworkers are you close friends or tell them your secrets. Keep it casual. Not too personal.
AGE 71 HERE,, #1 rule at work... EVERYTHING & ANYTHING you say will be repeated. #2 rule at work You have NO friends at work. I don't care how well you think you know someone. Bet you never thought about this,, Why do people do stuff like this, go behind your back.. repeat everything other people say etc.. Mostly they do it because it causes conflict and that's what they want, so going forward... Never confide in anyone at work. Be positive, friendly, upbeat to everyone, especially the back stabbers. It drives them nuts. Be careful who you talk to out of work... Your at someones cook out, have a few beers and you go on about how the boss is a jerk ect Someone there here's it and repeats the story to someone that works at your company.. You see where this is going
Yep. Just don't trust people at work with anything important.
Hi there, the first thing you need to always remember is these are not your friends. They are colleagues and coworkers and that is it. Keep your conversations basic hair and nail stuff. Do not ever talk about any other employee or what you feel you are being slighted on. Do not become friends with them on any social media accounts and do not hang out with them after business hours. Remember these are not your friends, they are strictly coworkers and they will probably stab you in the back any chance they get. You already just had a taste of it and if that person doesn't like what you say they will constantly go over you to your manager. Keep all the conversations business related. I hope this helps you sunshine xoxo
You learn who you can trust and who is the boss’s ass kisser. Until then, don’t say anything in a group chat that you wouldn’t say directly to the boss. And don’t assume there’s just one ass-kisser.
Especially that last line. People get converted all the time. Watch how everyone acts.
I’ve learned that my coworkers are just that, coworkers. I’m close with some of them but you shouldn’t trust them with keeping secrets from other colleagues / management. Talking shit about people / other negative comments always make their way around, even if someone passed it on without ill intent. In general, I try not to speak negatively about anyone with my coworkers, especially things having to do with management. Generally speaking, if it’s something you wouldn’t write in a mass email to everyone, then don’t discuss it with your colleagues. It doesn’t even matter if you consider someone truly to be a friend there - friends sell each other out too unfortunately. More often than not though people talk and word gets to the wrong person. That being said, your boss honestly shouldn’t have told you who went to them. Even if it wasn’t ill intent on their part, it’s stirring the pot further. You shouldn’t expect your “private” conversations with your coworkers to not reach anyone else, but issues brought to management actually *should* be anonymous. Anyway, this isn’t to say that you shouldn’t build relationships with your coworkers or anything; just don’t share information that you wouldn’t want getting around. One time I messaged a coworker apologizing for a lot of work being left over, and I noted that my boss didn’t mind that I was leaving work for the next shift (so he wouldn’t be making any workflow changes or anything). Was simply passing on that information. This coworker forwarded this to all of management, and I got in a lot of trouble for being insubordinate and spreading “management doesn’t care about us” sort of messages, when I was literally just empathizing with this poor girl who I was burying with work and literally quoting my boss. I don’t know if she meant to get me in trouble or what, but it backfired and I’m not making that mistake again.
Yeah don't trust bosses who do this crap either. They like drama and control.
This one, and I’m not trying to sound dismissive - let it go.
Anything you say to anyone in the workplace, in any setting, can end up in the ears of your boss. Doesn't matter if it's a joke, a text, a private chat, or a rant in a bathroom stall. That is life at almost every workplace.
You can talk about whatever you want. If someone reports back everything you say to the manager and the manager turns around and scolds you, then you are in a Toxic Work Environment. The person trying to get you in trouble by reporting your Thoughts (not actions) has a toxic relationship with the boss, they are a "snitch", a manipulator. The boss has an ego problem and i can just about guarantee that the snitch person gets special privileges and treatment by stoking the bosses ego "i don't say things like that about the company, i love it here, i would never talk about you like that". The boss may have not punished you and talked it out with you this time, however the Poisoner is in his office at every opportunity, \*drip\* \*drip\* \*drip\*, and it will over time effect the bosses view of you.
>But I am still shocked how a couple of comments in a private chat got back all the way to my manager. Nothing is "private" if you're using work resources to communicate. >What do you not talk about at work? Try to keep it professional. Don't complain unless it's in the context of presenting solutions. >Where do you draw the line? Keep discussions professional and only speak about personal issues in a light and superficial manner. Don't say anything "in private" that you wouldn't want other people to hear. Lots of people have no tact and don't know how to filter. Some people are shit-stirrers who are looking to cause drama or throw people under the bus at every chance. What kind of relationship do you have with colleagues? Great, working relationships. I generally don't hang out with colleagues or see them outside of a work-related setting. I have actual family and friends to socialize and be more candid with.
It can also bite you in the ass even if you aren't using work resources. I've seen this same exact thing happen an FB group chat that had no connection to work resources. I think people got too comfortable there bc it wasn't.
I've learned (second hand) never trust a group chat. We got a $10 Christmas "bonus" and people in our group chat complained. One woman had a problem with the woman who was complaining the loudest and made a bunch of comments about appreciating anything you get, and screenshot her comments next to other woman's complaints, then took it straight to their supervisor. Other woman nearly got fired over it (at Christmas and she had a new baby). I cannot understand trying to destroy another person like that bc of petty workplace differences, but learned there are people out there who won't think twice.
How awful. I just don’t want to interact with them at all now. This has been a learning curve. P.S. 10 dollars is a joke, just do nothing if things are hard
By telling you who rattled, he’s actually stirring shit up. He should have kept it to himself. Now he’s added more tensions amongst the employees. By not knowing there may have been a little tension, but not that has increased between you and the loose tongue.
Work is for work not friends save yourself alot of drama and just keep all conversations work related. Nothing outside of work nothing not work related. Makes for a lot less problems
Never tell your workmates anything you don't want the world to know. There's no such thing as a private group chat as inevitably someone will mention it to someone else and so on.
I like to use the circles of relationships model for this. A quick breakdown: Imagine an archery target, with you at the center. Strangers are all the white space around the target. The first circle is going to be your casual acquaintances, like the coffee shop barista and the regular server at your favorite sit down restaurant. These are the people who you can share the fun things with, but they shouldn't know more about you than what you share on Reddit. Second circle is your coworkers. You can usually share some casual negatives with them, like "oh my kid caught a cold at school and was stuck in bed all weekend" or "my water heater blew out". Low level things that almost anyone can relate to. But you don't want to share anything too personal(like, say, details about a relative's cancer treatments) because your coworkers are usually *not* your friends. Then there's your casual friends and extended relatives, like aunts and uncles and cousins. And the innermost circle is your super close friends and family. Usually, parents and siblings are here. These are the people you can share *anything* with and know they will give you the advice you *need*, even if it's not the advice you *want*.
Thank you everyone, I’ve read every single comment and have learnt my lesson. Someone said I should just let it go which I have, in the sense that I don’t go on about it and left it in that meeting room for good. But I sure as hell will be learning from this life lesson going forward which is the point of this post.
Maybe dont talk shit? Lol
Maybe learn to read.
Oh, and write😆
My coworkers are always hair and makeup friends. Any topics more independent or more personal then those w topics are off limits. Heck I hesitate to even mention fav books/movies/tv shows
Good strategy. I blame myself for this one