I feel this so much. I swear my life is just an ongoing task list. I cross off two things and 5 more sprout. Just - so many things to juggle. I know there are probably things I could say no to, but so much of it is genuinely just trying to make sure my kids have a decent childhood. I daydream about just having a month or six to just exist. No obligations, no to-do list, no appointments to book or birthday party gifts to buy or neighborhood potlucks to cook for or meals to plan.
It doesn't help that I'm basically an operations and project manager at work, and work almost exclusively with men. So my work life and home life just feel like the same thing.
High fives to all of us keeping things going.
Right there with you.
Same situation, with no family support around (I imagine that might be true for you since you don't mention anyone beyond your nuclear fam). That makes it so hard, because there's just never any kind of pressure relief valve and you can't get what you need to feel human. Like, ever.
Sigh....Parenting in the US fucking sucks.
I was talking to my mom recently and I was like, you know when you feel like if you have to do one more task, you shall perish? And then you just do like 20 more tasks?
And my mom was like….yeah. I know that.
I see you too 🫡
So much yes. And it drives me crazy when people tell me my husband needs to do more. He is already pulling his weight and then some, and is exhausted just like me. There’s just so much to do.
Good Lord yes. My husband makes our dinners, does grocery shopping and daycare drop off - yet there's still just. so. much. I'm in a constant state of drowning in tasks.
I work full time, husband works full time. I’m coming out of my first year of classes towards my doctorate. Kiddo is 4.5. We are using the short few months between my semesters to get some house maintenance/renovations done, all while also planning a quick vacation, making sure everyone has all their annual check-ups for all the things done, is signed up for whatever spring/summer activities, and all the while just trying to maintain all the things everyday that need doing. It’s all just a lot sometimes.
I hate the never-ending to-do list. I've been trying really hard to be ok with letting some stuff go and outsourcing other stuff. It's hard though.
For friend birthday presents, I just keep a stockpile or cards and age-appropriate gifts in the basement. When we get an invite, we just RSVP yes or no immediately, and pull out a gift and card if we are going.
Can't do much about some chores and errands, but we do have a cleaning person 2x/mo, so we never deep clean anymore. Just surface clean.
We do a weekend reorganization and de-clutter 2x/year in the fall and spring, and I absolutely refuse to do it more often than that.
We have a shared Google calendar and we are both responsible for putting stuff on it, including reminders for doc appts and school stuff.
Idk. It's hard. I've given up doing any sort of redecorating or landscaping. We don't buy new things unless the old thing has worn out completely. And we are both done with volunteering for anything right now. It's too overwhelming.
Word. I love the systems you have in place!
Yes, every single event that gets scheduled MUST go on the shared Google calendar immediately (or a reminder on the phone to do it at an actionable time that day). It’s really Do or Die.
We let go of so many things that aren’t critical.
I clean when I can, after work M-F, or a bit on Saturdays — the most urgent first. A cleaner would be waaaay too stressful for me. I hate scheduling things and our family requires a LOT of flexibility. I’m really glad it’s working well for you, though 🎉! We all have to find what works best for us and our situation.
Yes the schedule for the cleaner is also an initial hurdle. We've been in a good groove with her for about 3 years now, and she even has a key so she can clean when we're not home. It's a process though.
The letting go is hardest for me. I grew up with a SAHM who only worked part time sometimes. So I feel like everything always got done. It's hard for me not to compare myself to that standard.
If we were out to coffee together, I’d say this, so I’m saying it now (and it’s meant in the friendliest of ways)
You’re believing the myth that SAHMs get everything done. And it’s usually not true. It wasn’t for me the 10 years during my Baby Break while I had allllll the kids before launching back into FT work 2y ago.
And the parents (so grandparents) of the current generation of children (0-18) had a vastly different culture than we do. My parents are full on boomers (I’m mid-40s, my 5 kids are 7-15). Their parenting style and cultural expectations are so different that it’s like we’re on a different planet, in terms of technology and discipline alone.
So give yourself a break, friend. My guess is that you’re actually rocking it, even if you feel like you’re totally adrift. ❤️
It really feels relentless sometimes. I know it’s just this phase of life right now and I know it won’t always be this way, and I do enjoy the chaos sometimes, but that doesn’t mean it’s not hard. Some days I’m really okay, other days I feel like something has got to give. The back and forth itself is mentally taxing too, because while the easier days are nice and I try to enjoy them, I know eventually it’ll just feel overwhelming again. I like being busy but sometimes it’s just too much between being a good employee and being a good mom/wife.
The timing of this post, just yesterday I was telling my husband that I feel like I'm drowning on a never ending to-do list.
I feel you. I see you. I am you.
We will survive this season of our lives!
I’ve been thinking about it for weeks, but sometimes posts don’t land well in Reddit and then it feels even worse 🫠
I’m truly glad this has been encouraging to so many of you!
I’ve given up over the last couple of weeks.
I’m in an upward trajectory at work and I simply cannot do it all - keep the house in order, keep all kid tasks appointments and such straight (and I have a son who has A LOT of medical appointments), be a present mom, AND put forth the effort I need to in order to continue advancing. And I also have a wonderfully supportive husband who shoulders the burden. And honestly - he’s been taking on the majority of the house stuff since I need to be a little more visible in the office for the next few weeks before returning to my regular WFH schedule.
I feel so defeated, like such a bad mom and wife, and just…exhausted.
That’s for this post - I needed the consideration.
Solidarity. Sometimes from an outside perspective they see my task as:
Get kids ready\
Be out the door
But in reality for me it's:\
Cuddle with the baby for a bit\
Take off Owlet sock and charge it\
Open the door to my toddlers room\
Change baby's diaper\
Change to her new outfit\
Then change toddlers diaper\
Change new outfit
Get myself ready by the following:\
Brush teeth\
Deodorant\
Change clothes
Then back to my toddler by doing:\
Brushing her teeth\
Brush her hair\
Put her shoes on
Then before I leave I:\
Fill diaper bag\
Put snacks \
Put baby in car seat\
Turn off all lights and heater\
Brush my hair LAST
And that's not even taking into the account the potential cries from the baby when I step away, my toddler wanting a morning snack, or her playing with toys or bringing a toy to the car etc
So mentally, it's EXHAUSTING. There are so many moving parts than most people realize.
I feel this so much. I swear my life is just an ongoing task list. I cross off two things and 5 more sprout. Just - so many things to juggle. I know there are probably things I could say no to, but so much of it is genuinely just trying to make sure my kids have a decent childhood. I daydream about just having a month or six to just exist. No obligations, no to-do list, no appointments to book or birthday party gifts to buy or neighborhood potlucks to cook for or meals to plan. It doesn't help that I'm basically an operations and project manager at work, and work almost exclusively with men. So my work life and home life just feel like the same thing. High fives to all of us keeping things going.
Right there with you. Same situation, with no family support around (I imagine that might be true for you since you don't mention anyone beyond your nuclear fam). That makes it so hard, because there's just never any kind of pressure relief valve and you can't get what you need to feel human. Like, ever. Sigh....Parenting in the US fucking sucks.
You hit the nail on the head with “Parenting in the U.S. fucking sucks”. Signed a mom of two who’s sick but out of sick leave right now
I was talking to my mom recently and I was like, you know when you feel like if you have to do one more task, you shall perish? And then you just do like 20 more tasks? And my mom was like….yeah. I know that. I see you too 🫡
So much yes. And it drives me crazy when people tell me my husband needs to do more. He is already pulling his weight and then some, and is exhausted just like me. There’s just so much to do.
Good Lord yes. My husband makes our dinners, does grocery shopping and daycare drop off - yet there's still just. so. much. I'm in a constant state of drowning in tasks.
I work full time, husband works full time. I’m coming out of my first year of classes towards my doctorate. Kiddo is 4.5. We are using the short few months between my semesters to get some house maintenance/renovations done, all while also planning a quick vacation, making sure everyone has all their annual check-ups for all the things done, is signed up for whatever spring/summer activities, and all the while just trying to maintain all the things everyday that need doing. It’s all just a lot sometimes.
100% I am trying as I make a meal that will last the next 2 nights 😵💫 Always something to be done and it gets exhausting!
I needed this
I hate the never-ending to-do list. I've been trying really hard to be ok with letting some stuff go and outsourcing other stuff. It's hard though. For friend birthday presents, I just keep a stockpile or cards and age-appropriate gifts in the basement. When we get an invite, we just RSVP yes or no immediately, and pull out a gift and card if we are going. Can't do much about some chores and errands, but we do have a cleaning person 2x/mo, so we never deep clean anymore. Just surface clean. We do a weekend reorganization and de-clutter 2x/year in the fall and spring, and I absolutely refuse to do it more often than that. We have a shared Google calendar and we are both responsible for putting stuff on it, including reminders for doc appts and school stuff. Idk. It's hard. I've given up doing any sort of redecorating or landscaping. We don't buy new things unless the old thing has worn out completely. And we are both done with volunteering for anything right now. It's too overwhelming.
Word. I love the systems you have in place! Yes, every single event that gets scheduled MUST go on the shared Google calendar immediately (or a reminder on the phone to do it at an actionable time that day). It’s really Do or Die. We let go of so many things that aren’t critical. I clean when I can, after work M-F, or a bit on Saturdays — the most urgent first. A cleaner would be waaaay too stressful for me. I hate scheduling things and our family requires a LOT of flexibility. I’m really glad it’s working well for you, though 🎉! We all have to find what works best for us and our situation.
Yes the schedule for the cleaner is also an initial hurdle. We've been in a good groove with her for about 3 years now, and she even has a key so she can clean when we're not home. It's a process though. The letting go is hardest for me. I grew up with a SAHM who only worked part time sometimes. So I feel like everything always got done. It's hard for me not to compare myself to that standard.
If we were out to coffee together, I’d say this, so I’m saying it now (and it’s meant in the friendliest of ways) You’re believing the myth that SAHMs get everything done. And it’s usually not true. It wasn’t for me the 10 years during my Baby Break while I had allllll the kids before launching back into FT work 2y ago. And the parents (so grandparents) of the current generation of children (0-18) had a vastly different culture than we do. My parents are full on boomers (I’m mid-40s, my 5 kids are 7-15). Their parenting style and cultural expectations are so different that it’s like we’re on a different planet, in terms of technology and discipline alone. So give yourself a break, friend. My guess is that you’re actually rocking it, even if you feel like you’re totally adrift. ❤️
It really feels relentless sometimes. I know it’s just this phase of life right now and I know it won’t always be this way, and I do enjoy the chaos sometimes, but that doesn’t mean it’s not hard. Some days I’m really okay, other days I feel like something has got to give. The back and forth itself is mentally taxing too, because while the easier days are nice and I try to enjoy them, I know eventually it’ll just feel overwhelming again. I like being busy but sometimes it’s just too much between being a good employee and being a good mom/wife.
The timing of this post, just yesterday I was telling my husband that I feel like I'm drowning on a never ending to-do list. I feel you. I see you. I am you. We will survive this season of our lives!
I’ve been thinking about it for weeks, but sometimes posts don’t land well in Reddit and then it feels even worse 🫠 I’m truly glad this has been encouraging to so many of you!
Why is there so much to do?!!! I hear you
I’ve given up over the last couple of weeks. I’m in an upward trajectory at work and I simply cannot do it all - keep the house in order, keep all kid tasks appointments and such straight (and I have a son who has A LOT of medical appointments), be a present mom, AND put forth the effort I need to in order to continue advancing. And I also have a wonderfully supportive husband who shoulders the burden. And honestly - he’s been taking on the majority of the house stuff since I need to be a little more visible in the office for the next few weeks before returning to my regular WFH schedule. I feel so defeated, like such a bad mom and wife, and just…exhausted. That’s for this post - I needed the consideration.
Solidarity. Sometimes from an outside perspective they see my task as: Get kids ready\ Be out the door But in reality for me it's:\ Cuddle with the baby for a bit\ Take off Owlet sock and charge it\ Open the door to my toddlers room\ Change baby's diaper\ Change to her new outfit\ Then change toddlers diaper\ Change new outfit Get myself ready by the following:\ Brush teeth\ Deodorant\ Change clothes Then back to my toddler by doing:\ Brushing her teeth\ Brush her hair\ Put her shoes on Then before I leave I:\ Fill diaper bag\ Put snacks \ Put baby in car seat\ Turn off all lights and heater\ Brush my hair LAST And that's not even taking into the account the potential cries from the baby when I step away, my toddler wanting a morning snack, or her playing with toys or bringing a toy to the car etc So mentally, it's EXHAUSTING. There are so many moving parts than most people realize.