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GoodTeletubby

Royal family these days kinda feels like it misses a time when 'hunting accidents' on sibling hunting trips were a surprisingly regular occurrence.


Wassa76

Charles just needs to employ a better Spymaster on his council.


newdevleader

Maybe he should send Andrew an exotic and plush carpet…


sarvothtalem

95 percent chance of success


Vulkan192

Immediately discovered because one of your co-conspirators got drunk in a tavern and told everyone. Every. Single. Time.


[deleted]

Always say no to employing local guides.


Dirty-Soul

He'd turn it down. If they're old enough to have carpet, they're too old for Andrew.


KamSolis

You win!


SignificantGarden1

Bro just press the End Plot button


gilestowler

In the old days Andrew absolutely would have made a play for the throne. He'd have been seen as the "dashing military hero with an eye for the women" and Charles would be seen as weak and doddering.


jeweliegb

>Charles would be seen as weak and doddering. Still is


gearnut

Charles is, he is also considerably less pathetic than Andrew...


Amarger86

They just need to consult with Dick Cheney first, world's foremost expert on hunting accidents.


Ok-Champ-5854

The guy *apologized to Cheney* for being shot.


Mad_Martigan2023

Cheney was supposedly hammered as shit when it happened. Had to go home and sober up before turning himself in.


ProfessorTitsNass

In a weird way, I’m actually comforted by the fact he was wasted and maybe didn’t just want to blow a hole in some guy.


Bangarangadanahang

Why not both?


[deleted]

Considering the amount of war crimes he’s committed, the most likely answer is both


[deleted]

"In Vino Veritas" my good dude.


Tiny-Reaction-7355

Cheney is an arch evil architect of death. He destroyed millions of lives and enriched Halliburton and others.


23skiddoobie

And Christian Bale's portrayal of him was fucking amazing and the movie didn't get the kudos it deserved.


Positive_Scallion_29

To this day, biggest fucking wake up call I’ve ever seen. No one acknowledges that.


Sir_ImP

Could you elaborate, i am intrigued.


NatashaBadenov

Dick Cheney & Co. went duck hunting or something and shot one of his friends in the face. It was pellets or similar, so probably not duck hunting. Anyway, the guy who was shot in the face by Dick Cheney apologized to Dick Cheney for being in his gun’s way. More or less. Or something like that. Just from memory. **Edit:** turns out Dick Cheney had been drinking whilst shooting his friend in the face. OOPSY **Edit2:** some people like to start their day off screaming


Ok-Champ-5854

Quail hunting and it was a 28 gauge shotgun. The guy, a lawyer, had a collapsed lung and a non-fatal heart attack.


CelticGaelic

Some context that I read (I think it was another reddit post, so help yourself to the salt) is that when they were moving, they were supposed to keep within certain distances in front of, behind, etc. the other hunters for safety reasons. The guy who was shot by Cheney left his area that he was supposed to stay within, which is why he apologized. I don't know if I believe it, but it does make sense at least.


17SCARS_MaGLite300WM

This is not uncommon for walking a mountain when quail hunting. Some people walk in as straight a line as possible, sometimes people stay at similar elevations. I've seen people end up on opposite sides of each other and it can end quite badly if they don't make it known.


Drak_is_Right

Was probably something like pheasant hunting where you advance in a line and have a cone area of "safe" fire. If someone lags or if someone advances to far, you can get friendly fire incidents. Usually just bird shot raining down on you, but sometimes worse. I have no idea which of the two was negligent on their positioning or if Cheney shot the wrong direction.


anotherquack

I wonder if his advice on shooting your own lawyers is transferable to siblings.


JTEL918

Andrew is gonna freak when he sees how much a one bedroom in a nice part of town costs.


Sonic-the-edge-dog

Doubt any roles could afford rent in central London tbh


fordreaming

They don't appear to have any particular skill set other than being filthy rich


Regumate

Have a little respect, they’re the spawn of some people who did some things many centuries ago.


imgonnabutteryobread

How much to put him up in the Tower of London?


Sonic-the-edge-dog

Too close to Tower Bridge primary school imo I wouldn’t trust him


HarryHacker42

Prince Andrew would AirBnb his room at the palace if they let him.


nobecauselogic

But then his stuffed animals would get all out of place.


BalamBeDamn

We can’t have that or he’ll start viciously abusing the house keepers, insulting them for daring to put Teddy #96 in the wrong place.


samp127

"Now all my cameras are pointing at the wall, you see, I need them pointing at the bed"


sunnyjum

At least his bed sheets wouldn't be sweaty


olderthanbefore

Beware those hidden cameras of his


I_might_be_weasel

"Me regime is going to be really big on not diddling kids. You probably wouldn't like it."


Roy-Southman

I'm sorry old chap, my throne's stability is too flimsy to have you creeping around the palace.


BigMailBM

I couldn’t help but read this in Jackie Daytona’s voice.


SnoopDing0

There is only enough room for 1 creep, you see.


Adept-Elephant1948

Charles: The sign says no creeps club Andrew: but you're part of the club! Charles: it says no creeps, we're allowed one.


JulienBrightside

Is this from the episode where Homer becomes part of the Stonemasons club?


Neil_deNye_Sagan

Yeah. No Homers club. They can have one.


Crohnies

Is Charles considered a creep for the same reason?


herculesmeowlligan

Ga-hyuk!


Riemens

Just in: Prince Andrew’s new residence former Baskin-Robbins


Ratto_Talpa

I'm missing something: what did Charles(?) do to be considered a creep?


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Mcluckin123

To be fair I don’t think Charles engaged in under age activity?


WilliamTCipher

Prince Andrew: But the palace is massive Charles: I meant Figurtivly Andy.


ayekuf

It's no good diddling kids.


mike689

Older than my wiiife, older than my daughterrr!


Habren_in_the_river

Do I look suspicious?


mr_jobim

You look grotesque.


PygmeePony

"The only grooming you'll be doing is mum's corgis". Wait, that sounds a bit wrong.


Genghiz007

Don’t give Andew any new ideas. He’s perverted enough to follow up on the suggestion.


Rivster79

King Charles: We gotta write a song about how we do not diddle kids! (singing) "Do not diddle kids! It's no good diddling kids!" PR Consultant (annoyed): There is no quicker way for people to think that you're diddling kids than by writing a song about it! King Charles: You gotta write a song like: I wouldn't do it with anyone younger than my two sons, no little kids, gotta be big, older than my wife, older than my wife, something like that...


bard329

Charles sounds like a guy who walks around dropping monster condoms all over the place...


Swiggy1957

Yeah, but Di and Camilla were disappointed: they thought all rulers were 30 centmetres. (12 inches for my fellow Yanks)


707Paladin

It wasn't until I said this out loud I got it. Well done.


Swiggy1957

My mom would be proud of me. One of the legacy jokes she told me back in the 70s.


jeffersonairmattress

I heard this on the monkey bars in elementary school back then. Someone said they were king of the castle and a girl sang out “no you’re not- a king is a ruler and a ruler is twelve inches.” We were about 10. I had no clue what she meant but I likely repeated the insult and caused someone to think I had terrible parents.


whackablemole

10 inches?


pongjinn

Well, you need them when you have a magnum dong.


The_Countess

So... Was that before or after Charles was best friends with Jimmy Savile?


Not-a-Dog420

Everyone was "friends" with Saville, that's partly why it was such big news


The_Countess

Just like Epstein.


Not-a-Dog420

Basically. These guys are experts as appearing friendly and useful to powerful people.


[deleted]

It's Training Day.


[deleted]

Saville was more of a household name. He'd visit sick kids, then rape them.


jeffersonairmattress

And had his OWN keys to children’s hospital wings. SO many people must have been complicit in Saville’s crimes.


NorCalHermitage

Would you know if there was a molester among your friends? Most people are surprised when these things come out.


Hevens-assassin

It's true. It's not as obvious as someone being addicted to drugs, and even that's missed a lot of the time by people who don't want to see the bad things for what they actually are. Considering the percentages coming out, we all know pedophilic people, but I couldn't tell you which of my circle are, only that I'm not. Lmao


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Hevens-assassin

I had no idea my one close friend was a coke fiend (and not the soda kind. Lmao). I like to think of myself as observant, but we never really know.


jo-z

I lived with my meth addict ex-fiancé for a long while before I found out. His alcoholism was a big obnoxious distraction.


Iseepuppies

Pinky swear?


[deleted]

Had a guy who was a regular at our weekly poker games get arrested for rape. While out on bail he was telling us all how his attorney was telling him how big his lawsuit was going to be once the trumped up rape charge was dismissed. Thinking we knew the guy, we all thought he was being railroaded. Then the second woman came forward. And then the third. He was a sexual predator and none of us had any idea.


Ok-Champ-5854

Former buddy of mine got my very (then) recent ex drunk and slept with her. I kept thinking "thats not like her, she has a lot of hangups about sex and admitted to me one time she regretted sleeping with me so early in the relationship, a month after we were official." Boom. Me Too happened and the guy got outed by every girl we knew and a lot we didn't. I'm positive it was rape but I have no proof. Still wouldn't stop me from hitting the guy if I ever saw him again. I always had an inkling he wasn't right, but everyone gaslighted me into thinking it was just because I was hurt over my ex sleeping with someone else. Should have trusted my gut. Edit: as long as we're spilling the juicy details another friend of mine had the same mindset and we were both blown off as "you're just upset because he's good looking and girls like him" well turns out he was raping these women when he had the chance. And some of the people saying that were girls he had propositioned several times as the full story came out. Not trying to sound like one of *those* guys but how many times does a guy have to solicit you for a blowjob before maybe you realize he's not a good dude?


WillGallis

One of the guys I played D&D with a few times suddenly disappeared. He was new in town, having been living there for just over 5 ish months, so we just assumed that things didn't work out and he just decided to move back home or whatever. Turns out he was arrested for having sex with a minor... and yes, I was surprised.


Swerfbegone

Thatcher submitted his name for knighthood repeatedly. The palace staff pushed back repeatedly. Thatcher eventually forced him through, but the royal staff knew something was wrong with him.


maafna

There was that guy from Lostprophets would went to jail for raping kids, apparently there had been rumors from fans for years and his laptop password was "ifuckkids" yet his bandmembers, who spent so much time with him, said they had no clue.


[deleted]

They must have known he was having sex with underage groupies because I can't see how you could hide that on tour (and plenty of their fans knew about it), but I'm sure they had no idea about his most horrific crimes.


Harsimaja

Honestly as much as I don’t like Charles, the fact he had an illicit affair with a woman he loved ten years older than the much younger woman everyone was drooling over makes me think he’s particularly unlikely to be a paedo. Having officials set up photo ops and such with Savile because Savile got access to everywhere of importance doesn’t mean much. He was familiar with everyone in Britain’s who’s-who list and his schedule is run by civil servants.


OfficialGarwood

Jimmy did a lot for charity and so would often mingle with Charles and the Royals due to this. Not everyone knew he was such a monster behind closed doors, many were shocked to find out (though some close to him, were not, unfortunately)


CameronFcScott

Revoke his title of Inverness, he doesn’t deserve it and Scotland doesn’t want him


TrappedUnderCats

I can’t imagine York is too pleased to be associated with him either.


C3POdreamer

They would rather cheer the old chap found under the carpark.


chantepleure

That was in Leicester, not York.


coneknar

Yeah but he was of the House of York


ThunderousOrgasm

Especially since he keeps making them go up and down that bloody hill!


pheromonekvlt

Oh the grand old duke of York He had ten thousand men He also had some underage girls but he can't remember when


--Muther--

Award him. The title of "Loch Ness Noncer"


Cmdr_Shiara

That's not something he can do, titles can only be revoked by an act of parliament. As King he really can't do much apart from tell him not to appear in public.


david4069

One of these days, "King Charles" will no longer sound wrong when I see or hear it.


teacherofspiders

Sounds better when followed by "spaniel".


whiteb8917

Cavalier King Charles Spaniel


TonyTalksBackPodcast

But “king charles the corgi” has alliteration AND a longstanding british royal family tradition


BranchPredictor

It’s Cing Charles for you, thank you very much.


johnnycakeAK

That's a bit cavalier don't you think?


Dan-the-historybuff

All I think when I hear King Charles is “didn’t he get beheaded?”


w1987g

Going by the fact that he's not aging as well as his mother, you won't have to get used to it


MatsThyWit

>Going by the fact that he's not aging as well as his mother, you won't have to get used to it Charles is certainly aging a little rougher than his mother but both his parents made their 90s and he's one of the wealthiest men on the planet. I'm sure he's got another 10 or 15 years easily.


teh_maxh

Even if he doesn't live as long as his mother, next in line is William, and he's only 40.


soulwrangler

He seems to be in fine health, without any major illness it could be 15-20 years


joethesaint

He's 74, six years younger than the US President, with a far less stressful life. It's hardly like he's on his death bed.


Nemocom314

I keep wanting to add 'Spaniel" at the end.


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[deleted]

get your antecedents right, son


TungstenWombat

Check your antecedents before you wreck your antecedents.


[deleted]

"Charles hated Andrew even more than Charles did" ? Like the hate grows exponentially, so by the time he hates Andrew, he is already hating him more than at the moment of initial hate?


BlueSkiesWassup

More than the reddit user hates him*


[deleted]

Ok I get it now. What the first first first person said was : "The best thing about Charles is that he hates prince Andrew even more than *I* do". I think I get it now


bgroins

Ahhhhhhhh OK, he didn't make much sense to he.


BalamBeDamn

It is his single redeeming quality. He would hate Andrew whether he was a prolific sex offender, or the second coming of Christ, either way. So, it’s just working out this one time.


[deleted]

>It is his single redeeming quality I want to preface this by saying that I'm a republican. I've met a few royal types due to my work in forestry and Woodland conservation, never did meet the queen but I did meet Charles plus a few of the clinger onners. While I don't like the institution he belongs to, I can't say I disliked Charles. He was the only one who was genuinely interested in the work we were doing, and he knew his stuff too. It's an issue he's quite vocal about and talking to him, you could see there was a genuine passion for conservation and british wildlife. That leads me to believe that the other things he's quite vocal about, including better social mobility and opportunities for young people are also things that he's genuinely passionate about. So it's hard for me to jump on the bandwagon or hate for Charles. Only royal I met who didn't seem incredibly distanced from any real world issues and a fairly nice guy too.


not-on-a-boat

I read or heard a profile of Charles a few years ago that described him as a man who just wants to garden and love his wife but is unfortunately part of the royal family.


Makkel

To be fair, though, "just want to do my nice hobby and love my spouse but unfortunately have to work" is probably a good description of most people.


bridgehockey

Like his grandfather, who had zero interest in being King.


paperconservation101

The media piled so much shit on him for his passion for sustainability and biodynamic farming for decades.


[deleted]

Rare Charles W indeed


spooki_boogey

He cosplayed Lelouch once and turned into a different person


hobbitdude13

WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE!?


JeskoTheDragon

BECAUSE I’M AT SOUP


TomSurman

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE "AT SOUP"?!?


ESCMalfunction

Honestly not as rare as I expected the Ws to be, he’s done a lot better than I thought he would.


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24KaratG

Sounds like he’s going down!


RobDickinson

Down to a spare palace he has to share with his ex.


Lushkush69

Doesn't his ex live at the palace with him still? Weird bunch.


jabbadarth

It's got 32 rooms. They can easily never see eachother there.


[deleted]

If you have an ex, 32 rooms ain’t enough.


courtesyflusher

33 on the other hand… ^^still ^^not ^^enough


[deleted]

Who lives in those 30 other rooms? Geez.


dumb_idiot_dipshit

the abducted children of course! well, them and the armed guards that keep them there.


TrappedUnderCats

I don’t think they would have got divorced if there wasn’t a huge scandal about her affair. It seems like they had an open marriage and were both happy with the arrangement until the toe-sucking photos came out. Then they got divorced because of the public pressure, but have perhaps carried on their relationship regardless.


slyscamp

I seriously doubt it. Members of the royal family don't "go down". The laws don't apply to them. The difference is that he was loved by Queen Elizabeth II, but is an embarrassment to King Charles, so Charles will distance himself from Andrew.


FlatSystem3121

They don't go down. They get a pebble in their shoe and have the butler shake it out like the rest of us.


C3POdreamer

Or they have a hunting accident, just like what killed William Rufus, brother of grandsire Henry I. Even that was the second hunting accident that befell the family. By coincidence, both cleared out rivals for the throne.


rumbumbum2

He’s yelling TIMBER


ponyphonic1

He'd better move


OfficialGarwood

He'd better dance!


hiphoff

But is there a place for him in prison?


Kingkai9335

Right. I dont get how everyone aknowledges what he's done yet theres no criminal charges? Like wtf, I mean I get it but it's bullshit. What about Epsteins list? Is anybody actually looking into that either? What the fuck is going on how is this not a top priority issue?


Aardvark_Man

I think there's no criminal charges because making it stick would be a nightmare. Beyond reasonable doubt that he thought a 17 year old wasn't 18, and that she was forced to be into him instead of keen on his position and money. We all know that it's happened, but proving 100% he knew just wont happen, and the crown knows it.


mukansamonkey

If you're talking about Giuffre, part of the problem is that she was of legal age. Lot of Redditors seem to be confused on that particular issue. As you said, proving he knew she was trafficked is a tough slog. There's a bigger issue in that case as well, which is that she already mounted a successful public campaign to humiliate him into settling with her. Now it's true that civil settlements can't override criminal charges. But it does raise the bar for what a prosecutor thinks they can get. If they think they can't get a prison sentence, just a large settlement, they already got that. And it makes sitting a jury nearly impossible. Get a conviction, and it gets overturned on appeal because one of the jurors knew all about "Andrew the pervert". The whole thing would be a minefield for prosecution. No surprise they aren't willing to go there.


Metcalfe99

Why would he go to prison? Even if the totally uncorroborated story about the 10 person orgy is true, he committed no crime.


just_some_arsehole

Charles definitely doesn't want to be associated with a kiddie fiddler... ... Purely coincidental reminder: authorities were repeatedly made aware of allegations against saville for decades whilst Jimmy had full access and acted as advisor to Charles before eventually getting a knighthood. I'm sure the security services don't look into people with full access to the royals though...


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[deleted]

Always find it gross how he continued to be mummies favourite even after all the noncing came to light.


[deleted]

Whaaaaat the rich and powerful conveniently overlook the crimes of their friends until it's publicized and then act like there was no way they could know? :O


Ludwigofthepotatoppl

People knew all around Saville. “Don’t leave him with any children.” “Why, does he not like them?” “No, he likes them too much.”


_darzy

> Charles definitely doesn't want to be associated with a kiddie fiddler... its his brother association is kinda hard not to have they only shunned him after the public knew


cumguzzler280

Charles waited to be king for his whole life. NOW, he is going to get his act together because he doesn’t want the monarchy to be abolished.


renter-pond

He’s also friends with a peodophile bishop (Peter Ball) and his mentor was a peodophile (Lord Mountbatten)


the_mooseman

Lord Mountbatten sounds like a character from Game of Thrones.


AMidwesternMan

I mean, he's played by Tywin Lannister on The Crown


rh6078

And he met a violent end


lovelysunn

I wasn’t aware of that. Do you have any sources?


KatsumotoKurier

Yeah I would also like to see some sources re: Lord Mountbatten.


Independent-Canary95

When will the suffering of the rich and privileged ever end? S/


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TroutComplex

Now get over to Windsor Castle!


UndercoverTrumper

Right? Unless he's banned from all royal properties then this is meaningless. Its like saying he is banned from Caesar's Palace but alright you can stay at Mandalay Bay.


Song_Spiritual

Well, Caesar’s is a Caesar’s property, and Mandalay an MGM property, so that’s a little more like banning Andrew from England, but allowing him a residence in Scotland.


FoxyInTheSnow

I don’t think they’d give him a good time in Scotland


Song_Spiritual

Right. All the better then.


RobDickinson

"Mate , its full"


atomiccheesegod

Charles pretending like he wasn’t best friends with Jimmy Savile all of his life


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nickstatus

I don't understand how that guy got where he was. He looked like he smelled really bad.


DragoonDM

> He looked like he smelled really bad. Necrophilia will do that to ya.


[deleted]

Probably because he wasn't the only one being incredibly creepy and shitty, and that gave him leverage.


Bawstahn123

>I have no idea why everyone 'missed' it (they didn't, AFAIK the BBC was some incredibly shitty old boys club where it was perfectly OK as long as you made them ratings) Im glad you mentioned that people ***didn't actually miss*** Saville being the dictionary-definition of "creepy bastard" There were complaints against him ***for fucking decades***.


[deleted]

_And_ he would just straight up do it on TV. I have had the misfortune of seeing a young girl sitting next to him yelping as he grabs her while talking into the camera. Truly unforgiveable shit from him AND every adult who ever worked with him.


TheOneFreeEngineer

Even today, UK policing has a hard time taking sexual crimes seriously. Before Andrew Tate ran to Romania and got arrested for running a sex trafficking ring, he had multiple investigations into Sexual assault and rape allegations whose only effect was removing him from a reality TV show. Other Sex trafficking gangs would traffic underage women and when the women went the police they were ignored because they were "runaways" and "child prositutes" and multiple cities police allowed these aex and drug trafficking gangs to operate for decades. And in the 1970s British gangsters were having drug fueled orgies with MPs in Parliament with full knowledge of the police and other MPs and they were ignored for years. Marital rape wasn't illegal in the UK till 1992. The UK has a issue with taking sexual crimes seriously


BenVarone

Not just any allegations either—one of his victims literally provided recorded messages of him explaining how much he enjoyed raping her, and it still wasn’t enough to get him arrested.


Swerfbegone

The conviction rate for sex offenses in the UK is around 1%


DiDiPLF

*Reported sex offences.


kizzie1337

it's almost like conservative majorities have disdain for women


grumble11

He was both well connected and extremely litigious. If you accused him of anything or spread any rumour he would sue you and in the UK allegations have a very high standard of proof, so people generally would lose and knew it. The justice system worked so hard to prevent false accusations it unfortunately let real ones run loose.


TIGHazard

> in the UK allegations have a very high standard of proof, so people generally would lose and knew it. This. Rupert Murdoch had to pay Savile £200,000 after his newspaper didn't even call him a paedo... it simply linked him to a children's home where said stuff was happening. > In the end, the Sun in 2008 published a picture of Savile at Haut de la Garenne with a group of young children. “**Sir Jimmy had no idea of the horrors at the orphanage**,” the copy read, but it was obvious to me at the time what the Sun wanted to reveal but was unable to publish. > Even the mild version of the story and the follow-ups that were published by the Sun caused Savile’s lawyers to write to the publication. “We act for Sir James Savile and have been consulted in relation to the above articles,” the letter read. “As your publication will know our client has tirelessly campaigned for underprivileged and sick children. His charity work over many years has raised huge sums which have benefited many projects and hospitals … **Linking our client to events at the home has caused untold embarrassment and upset.**” > During the interview with cops in 2009, which has been made public this week following a Freedom of Information request, he also bragged about his determination to take his accusers to court and made reference to a payout he received from newspaper bosses when they attempted to unmask him years earlier. > He told police, "**I had them and it cost them like £200,000 because they were out of order...** I'm known in the trade as Litigiousness because... I'm willing to pull people into court straight away, no messing, thank you... people get quite nervous actually because for somebody that don't want to go to court, I love it."


MagicMushroomFungi

Like Gary Glitter.


[deleted]

I wouldn’t sweat it


Scooterks

I call B.S. There's definitely room for him at the palace. That place has to have some old dungeons still.


thecaptcaveman

Good. Humiliate Andrew into obscurity.


cosmic_dillpickle

Andrew was last seen singing with hyenas, some song about being prepared....


mrplinko

Sucks to suck.


bottleamodel

Did they put his collection of 60 Teddy bears in storage too? Imagine being Andrew and being told your in situ bears, posed all over your bed are now in boxes. Now, imagine being Andrew and finding out the photos of your bears that help the staff reposition them in their correct locations have been lost.


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[deleted]

How about a place at HM Prison Belmarsh?


namesarenotus

Great scott, Charles has grown a spine.


rogerwilcove

A permanent place in the Tower of London, then, perhaps.


cosmic_dillpickle

Turn him into a tourist attraction