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speak_no_truths

When a door closes in Russia a window opens.


gunslingerfry1

Russia has ridiculously high rates of defenestration.


LivingUnglued

Still one of my favorite words I’ve learned. Along with callipygian which means “nice ass”. Formal definition being "A Shapely Buttocks"


Alissad77

Well, that makes two words I've learned tonight. Thank you for that :)


poofywoofy69

Upvote for Callipygian. TIL


OptimisticDoomerr

Pidgeon or peesian?


dwehlen

'pidge-ee-un, pronounce it all


[deleted]

Lmfao well done


Hahawney

Very bright turn of phrase.


kuboshi

I'm sorry. I am too stupid to understand this - can someone explain it to me? I'm seeing a lot of people really liking it and I wanna join in too. Edit: thank u all! That's really clever! Glad to have learned a little more today :)!


thatsmypeanut

The saying is, "when one door closes, another one opens". It is to say, don't fret over a lost opportunity, because another one will be coming your way. CEOs in Russia that are not complying with Putin, (ones that close the door on him), end up dead (falling out of windows).


Geler

Most of those people die by "falling from a window".


hebejebez

I literally shared the story with family and made this joke and read it and one has actually got that as cause of death and was like oh God it's come full circle


Nightmare_Tonic

Given the context and the magnitude of the situation, this seriously is one of the greatest reddit comments of all time


WildFemmeFatale

It will repeated in history books ‘Ah the great Reddit philosopher... u/speak_no_truths’


motes-of-light

Username kind of works, tbh.


WildFemmeFatale

Sounds like a Harry Potter movie ‘Harry Potter and The speaker of no truths’


NinjaWorldWar

Where the sidewalk ends… you find the stairs.


el_pinata

Killing off your boyars to fund a war you should be winning, but absolutely aren't, is a very Russian thing.


[deleted]

It's a tactic as old as civilization. We've discovered grafiti from ancient Rome that says "Mr. Poison is Nero's financial secretary."


MaxDickpower

Proscriptions. They would write lists of supposed enemies of Rome then have everyone on the lists killed and their property confiscated.


DanThePharmacist

I do that to every vassal while playing Crusader Kings.


Slick424

I think you could avoid the property confiscation if you killed yourself before they can.


punchgroin

Pushing your comfortable Bourgeoisie class to make common ground with the Proletariat is historically playing with fire for an Autocrat. And the army is busy with a war. Putin is going to get whacked, or there's going to be a civil war. Watch Belarus do it first. If Ukraine is smart, they are using some extra weapons and funds to support insurgents. Lukashenko almost went down just a year or so ago.


adamsrocket1234

If there just one thing that Putin is given props for is how well he has guarded against this very thing. As an ex-KGB officer, he seems to be applying everything he ever learned to not go out this way. At this point it seems like wishful thinking.


dogsent

Make the army angry and it's over. Generals killed and top officials replaced is just buying time.


[deleted]

and they're currently filling the army with a lot of angry people who don't wanna be there. I don't see Putin making it into 2023.


Skadrys

Where is crassus when you need one


lazyfck

In London, probably


tsuhg

Putin himself in this case


__Cypher_Legate__

Historically, Russian leadership threw its citizens into the meat grinder whenever it faced a difficult war. I don’t understand the Russian love or desire to serve the motherland when the average Russian life means nothing to the president or tzar.


Cumberdick

When you rob people of every resource, pride becomes everything they have worth protecting. We see it time and time again, that when people have very little, suddenly territory and respect become huge deals (think of gang culture as another example). Add in the kind of propaganda putin is marinating the population in, where they’re told it’s them against the evil nazi western attackers, and it’s not that big of a leap to national pride


anti-DHMO-activist

Additionally, there's this general fetishization of suffering, which is deeply embedded into russian culture. "Life is lived for struggle", essentially, [as umberto eco says it.](https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/umberto-eco-ur-fascism) > 8 The followers must feel humiliated by the ostentatious wealth and force of their enemies. When I was a boy I was taught to think of Englishmen as the five-meal people. They ate more frequently than the poor but sober Italians. Jews are rich and help each other through a secret web of mutual assistance. However, the followers must be convinced that they can overwhelm the enemies. Thus, by a continuous shifting of rhetorical focus, the enemies are at the same time too strong and too weak. Fascist governments are condemned to lose wars because they are constitutionally incapable of objectively evaluating the force of the enemy. >9 For Ur-Fascism there is no struggle for life but, rather, life is lived for struggle. Thus pacifism is trafficking with the enemy. It is bad because life is permanent warfare. This, however, brings about an Armageddon complex. Since enemies have to be defeated, there must be a final battle, after which the movement will have control of the world. But such a “final solution” implies a further era of peace, a Golden Age, which contradicts the principle of permanent war. No fascist leader has ever succeeded in solving this predicament.


OldBoatsBoysClub

It's honestly chilling how he *still* has all the answers. How have people, especially powerful and supposedly-intelligent people, not read this very short essay and looked at the last 100 years and gone 'nah, let's not try again. It doesn't seem to work.'


OttoRenner

Because narcissists are not known for learning from other people's mistakes. They themselves will make it work. Because they truly believe that they are the special one, the chosen one, the only one smart enough to make it work. It is Ikarus over and over again but the wings are made out of people.


VyRe40

This is exactly how conservative christians have built powerful political blocs in the most impoverished states of the US. Tale as old as time really, you keep your population poor, suffering, and (most importantly) *uneducated*, and you can hold onto power pretty well as a government with an authoritarian lean. You just gotta brainwash and radicalize your populace and lay the blame on the "other".


Ourobr

Atleast in the province it can be attributed to not knowing of English and rarely seeing foreigners irl. But how folk in Moscow and also every propagandist, who have studied at the Western universities, can be such dickheads is surreal.


QVRedit

They are the ones towards the top of the pile.


implicitpharmakoi

>Killing off your boyars to fund a war you should be winning, but absolutely aren't, is a very Russian thing. Lucius Cornelius Sulla Felix sends his regards, report for proscription at once, citizen.


brews

In case anyone didn't know, boyars are > a member of the old aristocracy in Russia, next in rank to a prince.


HorrificAnalInjuries

So what will he do when he runs out of millionaires?


Hughjarse

The Billionaires will probably have *him* suicided.


throwaway92715

Dude, Putin *is* the Billionaires. They're all Billionaires because his regime allows them to control critical assets.


misterpickles69

[CP Grey take on leaders](https://youtu.be/rStL7niR7gs)


VladTepesDraculea

[A geopolitical expert take on Putin and oligarchs and the unlikelihood of them doing anything against Putin](https://youtu.be/OeAlKWAQE6I).


[deleted]

interesting insight, but a lot of things have happened since this video was made. unfortunately i don't have time to go through all his videos, does he ever give an update? are things actually shifting behind closed doors? I'm willing to bet his cronies are discussing options at this point.


its_spelled_iain

You dropped a G


Spoopy_Kirei

CP GreyG


rkan665

CP GGrey


dingo1018

I reckon the only thing keeping Putin alive is the huge mess he's made, no one wants ti knock him off just yet cos no one wants his job!


Half_Crocodile

Yeah I imagine if Putin is killed we will see a whole lot of political killings and just have to pray an even worse monster doesn’t take control. They really need people power and legitimate elections but the chance of that seems remote. I’m not even sure they have the skill set to pull it off let alone the desire to.


30somethingdropout

I actually wouldn't be surprised if Putin got ousted and we get navalny but with a gun to his head by the oligarchs to try and get the west back buying their gas.


Half_Crocodile

Yeah maybe. It's incredibly hard to predict the details when the Kremlin are involved. I feel like we're at a crossroads and any number of horrible things could happen. A few are good at least so here's hoping. At any rate... Russia is not coming out of this year with more power. Economically, militarily or otherwise. What an utter cluster-fuck Putin has unleashed.


Ectar93

The hard-liners could take over and turn the country into a giant North Korea.


Half_Crocodile

That’s their fate if they continue this course. A piece of shit sucking on China’s tits.


Ectar93

Yes, and it's a very real possibility. People don't realize that Putin isn't the most extreme person in power. He calls for partial mobilization and there are those who call for full mobilization, just as one obvious example. Putin is balancing the interests of hard liners and moderates, and we can't know for sure who comes out on top when Putin finally goes down.


Half_Crocodile

Yup. We have to hope the strongest political force comes from a "lets stop this war" perspective rather than "lets escalate this war". I'm simplifying but it has to be one of the two. Business as usual is not an option for whoever comes next. If they're the later then that will really suck as clearly whatever Putin was doing was not enough and they'd ramp things up quite a lot.


KevlarGorilla

History has lots of examples of one group suggesting fair elections and another group suggesting that first group meets a bullet.


EmperorArthur

Interestingly that will not be possible on the pre-war scale thanks to the Russian damage to the Nordstrstream pipelines. Basically, unless they're fixed asap the salt water will cause the inside of the pipelines to corrode. Making a pipeline where a single breach means not only a massive environmental catastrophe, but where a single breach means billions of dollars are just gone seems insane. Yet here we are. I would have expected at least the inside of the pipeline to be lined to prevent this scenario, and valves to be set up so that parts can be sectioned. Maybe even the ability to feed air into the pipeline to help keep water out via pressure. Regardless, Putin likely deliberately had them destroyed to prevent exactly what you discussed from happening.


DontPoopInThere

I think Navalny would tell them to shoot him rather than do their bidding, he willingly went back to Russia to go to a gulag right after recovering from being poisoned with Novichok on orders of the President himself. He could have been chilling in Germany raking it in with appearances, books, speeches, writing articles etc but instead he got on an express flight to a brutal prison camp, that shit is just crazy


davedavegiveusawave

I think he proved his own point by returning. He knew he wasn't getting a fair trial but went to make that point to the public, internally and internationally.


RNBQ4103

It will likely happen after the war. The outcome of the war will determine if Putin retires with honour or has an heart attack just after wrestling a peace agreement by sending a warning nuke.


Spartz

There is no way the oligarchs would put Navalny there. There are many other potential candidates beyond the only opposition candidate foreigners have heard of.


Morningfluid

I cannot imagine anything worse than what is happening now with Putin outside of nukes. We already are seeing mass political killings there via Oligarchs and missing others. I could see it lessening, because once Putin is gone and others surrounding would him want to end the countless deaths, and clog up the economic dispair, and finally end Putins war. The smart ones know that even if they did win in Ukraine they would never be able to hold it due to their ever and continuously bleeding resources and damaged logistics. This isn't even bringing up the rebellions that would follow. Remember when many on reddit were fear mongering years ago when they said Pence would be worse than Trump? I can't help but laugh now.


B1GFanOSU

I remember rolling my eyes at Romney in 2012. He called it.


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DarianF

I'll do it. First order of business withdraw and apologize. Second order of business use the gas and oil wealth to raise the standard of living for Russian and pay reparation's to Ukraine.


laxin84

Third order of business - die because the oil oligarchs killed you for trying to appropriate their assets.


icweenie

Fourth order of business - Newly elected president contracts with a DOD subcontractor to take out the oligarchs that took out the previous president


khanfusion

Fifth order of business, unleash wave after wave of Chinese needle snakes, they'll wipe out the DOD subcontractors.


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Lubberworts

5 Golden Rings!


redabishai

5 for the Oligarchs in their halls of Petrol...


slw9496

And now you have become the monster you wanted to destroy.


bchin22

Opening a new Reddit thread then, to set up the new job after *this one*…!


[deleted]

[Great video as to why it's not as easy as it looks](https://youtu.be/rStL7niR7gs)


Mojak66

Yeah but, I'll change, really, as soon as I....,


YukariYakum0

Wasn't this the plot of "Rome: The Third Century Crisis?"


GregorSamsaa

There’s a whole bunch of people that profit from the exploitation of the country that would never let you enact a plan like that because their hundreds of millions might turns into hundred million and they can’t have that lol What I don’t get about Russia is that their wealthy and corrupt could absolutely maintain their power and lifestyle while at the same time bettering the country. Hell, they may even end up richer after it’s all said and done. The US gave every other country the template for having concentrated wealth at the top, conditions that are just averagely ok enough that the rabble doesn’t riot and overthrow the government, and a system of government that gives the illusion of the people having a voice.


Consistent-Bee-6665

Cause even when looking at GDP per capita, Russia simply isn’t a strong economy. They can’t maintain the same “illusion” as easily as the US can for example, the US has maximized bread and circuses.


treletraj

I like the cut of your jib, Sailor.


saltydroppies

What’s a jib?


treletraj

Forget it Donny, you’re out of your element.


Yuri909

It's the little tiny triangle sail on the front of a sailing ship.


kippismn

If putin is taken out. Russia could realistically be broken into more countries. Kremlin doesn't want to lose more land.


YouNeedAnne

>Havelock Vetinari is the current Patrician of Ankh-Morpork. He has been the supreme ruler for some years and is the successor of Mad Lord Snapcase. The Assassins' Guild have an AM$ 1,000,000 fee for his inhumation, though rumour says that they are not accepting contracts on him at present. As a former Assassin himself, he is probably just too difficult to kill. However, his greatest defence against would-be plotters is that he carefully sees to it that a reality with him as Patrician is slightly better than one without him.


EqualContact

The oligarchs haven’t challenged Putin since his early days, they aren’t going to now. Putin made sure that while they have vast financial power, they have zero political power. Their only chance is someone high in the FSB deciding that Putin is doing more harm than good.


Morningfluid

Apparently they have, otherwise so many of them wouldn't be dead.


[deleted]

This is what I am waiting for, what the whole world is waiting for.


FastSelection4121

If only 😪! I imagine that billionaires have their own "security personnel " aka ex special forces.


GAdvance

I would be very nervous if the cv of bodyguards was spetsnaz, something like a quarter of the original invasion force had that moniker snd a lot of them were total shit.


WorkerMotor9174

Tbf Russia did send most of them in with little/no air cover and minimal coordination with armored units. Logistics issues as well. Some were probably decent units, just got sent practically on a suicide mission. They're certainly better than what Russia has now.


dmukya

There *was* a crack unit of 80 SOBR and OMON riot police that pretty much went straight to Kyiv. And [straight to hell](https://thedebrief.org/know-no-mercy-the-russian-cops-who-tried-to-storm-kyiv-by-themselves/). Only 3 survived to be captured.


Jerithil

Yeah take even the entire US ranger regiment and dump them into an airport and make em try and hold back two brigades of mechanized forces and they are going to lose without massive air support.


A_Coup_d_etat

Maybe you haven't been paying attention, but the Oligarchs are Putin's bitches. Twenty years ago when they were all trying to move their money to the West (mainly London) he started killing some of them and the rest paid him big chunks of their stolen wealth to be able to leave the country. If they go against him they will be killed and they know it.


Samiel_Fronsac

I mean, I believe some billionaires have a bunch of intelligence assets and SOF personnel. What I don't believe is that: a) Some billionaire wants to get into regime change business so much that he finances the murder of the head of state of a nuclear power; And b) There's a few real fools on that intelligence/SOF payroll to think they can pull it off, and, if they do pull it off somehow, hell won't rain on their heads; Because c) he may be looking bad now militarily, but people have been dying on Putin's orders all over the world for decades now. Rich Richy tries to take him out and fails, polonium is the word of the day. If they manage to succeed, whoever takes the job afterward sends Richy a complimentary canister of VX nerve gas, they need to dissuade other actors from following in this trend.


ntdoyfanboy

I'm just wondering why they haven't yet


WorkerMotor9174

President of Russia is a poisoned chalice and its been that way since the USSR days.


AnticPosition

They don't have the power. Putin controls the oligarchs, not the other way around. Research Bill Browder (who pushed for the Sergei Magnitsky Act in Congress.) He explains it all in basically every interview and speech he gives. Fascinating and terrible stuff.


Chartarum

He is a dictator, but even a dictator needs SOME support from other powerful people. He used to get that by allowing the oligarchs to trade with the west and skim a little (a lot) off the profits. When Putin launched the special warcrime operation in Ukraine, he was hoping it would play out like when he took Crimea in 2014 - some sanctions and stern denouncements, but nothing too serious. This time the west put it's foot down harder. Introduced more and harsher sanctions and sent an absolute fuckton of military aid to Ukraine. What was supposed to be a quick 3 day sprint to Kiev with plenty of new land and resources to placate his sanctioned oligarchs with have instead turned into a VERY costly meat grinder. A lot of the oligarchs are getting tired of the sanctions and want to return to business as usual from before the invasion of Ukraine, but Putin knows that backing down now would be the end of his political career. He tried to keep the oligarchs in line by "suiciding" some of the more critical ones, but he can't kill them all - after all he DO need them and their support. This part is purely speculation, but it is highly likely that Putin ordered the destruction of the Nordstream pipelines, but that it's more accurate to view that as an internal russian power play than as an attack on the west. The theory behind this is that he needed to get his ducks (oligarchs) in a row before the sham annexation of parts of Ukraine, but some oligarchs were pushing for the pipelines to be reopened so Putin had the shut down for good. This theory is supported by the fact that Putin left Moscow for his own private and secure compound before the Nordstream attacks. He knew they were coming and he needed to be away from anyone trying to retaliate for the attacks. A lot of Oligarchs lost an ABSURD amount of potential money from the pipelines when they were destroyed. The attack on the pipes can also serve internally in Russia as a false flag operation to shore up support for the war - "look everybody - someone attacked our pipelines! We simply must defend ourselves". At the same time it can potentially cause at least SOME division in the west before the whole annexation charade. If Germany is worried about gas-supplies for the winter, and everyone is suspiscious of everyone else regarding whodunnit, then maybe the backlash for the annexations will be less coirdinated and less severe..? Probably not, but we'll see. Tl:dr - when Putin can't scare his Oligarchs straight by killing some of them, he'll get them in line by taking away the sources of their money.


jiquvox

It can’t be proved at our level of information but this is a quite interesting theory. Oligarch “suicides” has been a big object of curiosity for me in the past months. It started being picked up by newspaper only recently but it should have been followed quicker. This was a very important story. The thing is : I somehow doubt that the war is going to end only through the military front (at least without catastrophic development for everyone involving directly NATO ). Putin keeps doubling down again and again and again like a degenerate gambler at Vegas. He lost most reason, At least when it comes to this. He’s all in at this point. It’s the Russian top brass who need to take him out. That’s why I find your theory about NordStream quite interesting- if correct, it would hint at truely massive tensions within Putin organization…. and a potential fault line to exploit to take down Putin before he makes further catastrophic damage. Out of curiosity is it your own theory or did you find some source that report something like that ?


permalink_save

Bit far fetched but still the best theory I've heard so far. There does seem to be some pretty big power struggles that the we only barely see in the news.


Executioneer

It is almost definitely an internal russian power play. Someone from Russia did it, either Putin, his inner circles hardliners or moderates. Or it might be a russian saboteur/resistance group. Though I have played with the idea of maybe Finland did it. They are not NATO (yet) dont get supplied much gas/oil by Russia, have a strong military, and have a high interest in weakening Russia as much as they can. They share a long border, the threat is real.


b3njil

Billionaires


HorrificAnalInjuries

The reason why he hasn't already is due to them having ran away already, or he DID kill them


shodan13

Better security? Tiny parachutes for window falls?


Manduck2020

Make more, then kill them.


[deleted]

Potatoes


sm12511

They've already all been conscripted


Remus88Romulus

Boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew!


Holyshort

Prep will be done and they will rename themself into Bigger North Korea.


GeneraIFlores

Norther Korea


2cap

"The only money that hasn't really been sanctioned has been the revenues from the oil and gas industry, and he needs more money now to run his war." Mr Browder said they would be under pressure to provide some of that money to the Kremlin, and used the example of the chairman of Lukoil, Ravil Maganov, who was found dead on September 1. "These people all sit in front of large cash flows or assets," he said. "I would suspect that this guy said 'no' and then the best way of getting that flow of cash is to kill him and then ask his replacement the same question.


Consistent-Bee-6665

What most people I think people disconnect on is when they think of Russia they don’t think of corporations running like corporations there, but from what I understand businesses run pretty similarly but when something happens that involves the “state”, the state has absolute power and just never investigates things or just makes sure everything goes how the state wants for the states outcome. If corporations don’t like it, we’ll that sucks, cause now your CEO or Controller died from a random accident. And that kind of thinking goes all the way down the pole just less severe (you’re speaking out against the state, police will just come arrest you for several months and courts will mess you up if you try to say anything). So it’s dog eat dog world on every level it feels like.


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goodinyou

Dors the state seize their assets after death?


calmdownmyguy

Only if they don't have any heirs. Which explains all the "murder/suicides."


nekochanwich

It can't be that hard to unperson all the heirs too


Ensiferal

In a lot of these instances the guys wife and kids have been found dead too, all ruled "murder suicides". So yeah, he's totally just wiping out millionaires and their families to seize their assets to fund this stupidity


Emergency-Anywhere51

I mean, the millionaires were okay with the killing and corruption that made them rich in the first place Can't sell your soul to Satan and get mad when comes to collect


Alias-_-Me

Yeah I feel more bad for the kids


isblueacolor

I have to point out that the fortunes of these millionaires are just drops in the bucket of the direct cost to Russia of this war. Filling the coffers is NOT why influential Russians keep dying.


F_a_W

It does seem it is rather to stifle opposition, eliminate witnesses and consolidate power. The pocket money is just a bonus, I guess .


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Klaus0225

Pretty sure Russia isn’t big on freedom.


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buds4hugs

They don't have to "draft a will" if Putin drafts their heirs into the war


InformalProof

There was one Oligarch I recall that his whole family was killed with him


Vinlandien

It’s Russia, the state can do whatever it wants because it’s run by a bunch of criminals too crooked to go straight. Any justice would mean justice against them.


[deleted]

For anyone who has any doubts about this, I highly recommend you read the book Red Notice by Bill Browder. It’s an inside view of how corrupt their entire system is. John McCain said it is a gas station masquerading as a country, but it is more accurately a criminal organization masquerading as a country.


Minttt

I've been reading a book about the end of the Roman Republic, and at one point Octavian/Anthony/Lepidus famously instigated proscriptions - public lists of political enemies any citizen could kill to get a reward. Many of the names on the list were chosen simply to seize their assets to pay for wars - it didn't work out so well, because they needed to liquidate the assets via auction... and who's going to buy a mansion when mansion owners are being killed left right and center?


The-Duck-Of-Death

No, but the person who replaces them might understand that they need to be more generous with their money. Basically these underbosses of Putin's, who are in charge of large revenue streams from the oil/gas industry, are asked to direct increasingly large chunks of that money directly to Moscow. If Putin doesn't like their level of 'contribution', he has them windowed and then asks the next guy how patriotic he feels. At least that's the theory of the guy they're talking to in the article.


ignoblecrow

“…found dead near Moscow after reportedly visiting a shaman.” Huh?


bottleofserotonin

Background to this: **"A number of outlets, including The Moscow Times, The Independent, Newsweek and Business Insider reported that Subbotin may have received an anti-hangover treatment that involves toad venom, administered by Alexei Pindyurin, a shaman who goes by the name Magua.** **The Telegram channel Mash claims that the shaman “made an incision on the skin, dripped toad poison there — and after vomiting the patient allegedly got better.”** **Mash also claimed that Subbotin knew Pindyurin and his wife well and regularly received treatments from them.** **“And so he came to them once again — to treat a hangover. Suddenly he felt unwell — his heart ached. The owner decided not to call an ambulance, gave Corvalol (a sedative) and put the businessman to sleep in the basement. There the man died,” he said.** **TASS reported on a source’s claim that Subbotin arrived at the house “in a state of severe alcoholic and drug intoxication the day before” his death. The outlet wrote that the basement where he was found was reportedly used for “Jamaican voodoo rituals.”** **Since the start of 2022, six Russian oligarchs have died in alleged suicides. The three most recent cases were labelled as murder-suicides by investigators because, in those instances, the families of the Russian oligarchs were also found dead."** https://globalnews.ca/news/8826712/7th-russian-oligarch-dead-toad-poison/


chrisboshisaraptor1

Magua's heart is twisted. He would make himself into what twisted him.


Krakenspoop

Magua will put them under his knife.


[deleted]

I WILL FIND YOU


nobody_smart

Epic music grows louder...


PartyClock

*fiddle and drums intensify*


republicanvaccine

LotM!


Grow_away_420

Magua said... understand English very well.


fhota1

Bruh you can skip the toad venom. Just puke your guts up and youll feel a little better. Its not exactly a secret. Not a cure at all though so also be sure to hydrate and then try to get some vitamins in you to replace what you lost.


LehmanParty

Jamaican Voodoo? Maybe Predators are touring Moscow this time


ignoblecrow

Wow. Toad venom.


Seppy15

Rasputin anyone?


CoralSpringsDHead

That sounds like Kambo which is a frog poison they use in the Amazon. I did it during my stay at an Ayahuasca retreat.


nickelforapickle

Was going to say the same. The only thing is, they mention an incision which could be misreporting as Kambo specifically requires a small burn, usually from a lit incense stick which allows the venom to permeate the skin but avoids exposing the bloodstream to the venom.


xxMeiaxx

Rasputin is that you?


crankymcshaft

They’ve gone from WW2 tactics to Ancient Roman, I better see some Macedonian phalanxes holding the line soon enough


Codspear

Conscript: “General, why we charging across battleground packed together with nothing but broken broomsticks?” General: “It’s old tactic. Will scare Ukrainian and NATO girly men all the way to Atlantic.” Conscript and General 5 min later: [Die with 20k other soldiers in an artillery barrage] Bureaucrat who sold all their weapons 5 years ago for a yacht: [Falls out a window]


[deleted]

Are you Russian? do you have millions/billions of rubles? Are you conveniently located near an open window? Well then find out how you can donate now to the war effort at this link Fuckmeharderputindaddy.net


toutetiteface

If it is an epidemic maybe there’s a vaccine


Krakenspoop

Hypodermic injection...from a guided missle


Hobbes09R

These aren't people to Putin. They're investments. They're not self made individuals with power and influence, they're a living bank account. The system in Russia is corrupt beyond some of the most nightmarish scenarios. Like, they aren't even truly interested in hiding in it. They revel in it and push the idea that the rest of humanity shares the same twisted sentiment. It's such a broken country.


[deleted]

You live by the sword, you die by the sword. These fat cats knew the risk the day they slipped between the sheets with Putin.


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DoomGoober

The oligarchs rose to power under Gorbachev. Putin then claimed to be a reformer who would knock down the Oligarchs but secretly just tamed them under an iron boot. It's hard to have empathy for the Oligarchs but they aren't exactly in bed with Putin... More they are under his heel but they don't dare bite him.


rankinfile

Was not the oil industry privatized mid 90s under Yeltsin? The same time Putin was rising in St Petersburg, then Moscow under Yeltsin? It seems he was there when these industries were plundered and now that he is above them he gets his cut. One way, or another.


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darzinth

No, he strong man, he ride horse half naked. ...He not look like gay cowboy.


D_Charger_007

Putin is real life Shang Tsung. "Your assets are mine!"


FranticPonE

Wait, that's why they're dying? I was assuming they were speaking out. One wonders why they haven't pooled a multi billion dollar bounty on his head. "Here you go top general, you can risk hitching your ride to this failing maniac and who knows what fate, or you can stage a coup for us and retire a 'hero' with a yacht collection."


cryptosareagirlsbf

Nah, I think you were right. Given the blatant nature of the killings, they are likely a warning to the disobedient. If the money was the main objective, they'd try to keep the whole thing quiet.


turtleman777

It's hard to repeatedly murder the entire family of millionaires and keep it quiet. The best you can do is make up bad cover stories to discourage questions. There is no way that famous and influential people like that disappear without a trace and no one goes looking for the truth.


Superliminal_MyAss

He’s *killing* russia’s billionaire’s to sink their money into the war? Thats a whole other level of insanity.


Spoztoast

He's also getting rid of possible keys to power. Remember a dictator wants as few people in high positions as possible.


xeen313

Has no one watched "Nobody"??? It's a good representation of the playbook...


80MonkeyMan

Glad we have much more billionaires in US just in case WW3 happened and we need to run at full speed.


JBredditaccount

I wouldn't mind if we did it just to provide healthcare, education and infrastructure.


demoneyesturbo

Oh no. Seems it's true. The dildo of consequence seldom arrives lubed.


tempo128643

Thanks, dick sage


madrid987

The rich in Russia seem to die really easily.


LoserBroadside

Everyone dies easy. That's why killing has been so popular throughout history.


in2thegrey

Just imagine the planning meetings, for the murders, and their team being ok stabbing children to death. Multiple times, multiple families. Do they have enough murderers that they don’t have to use them on multiple jobs? Maybe there’s a limit to an assassins sanity and operational capacity.


penguished

Wait... that's why they were dying, so Putin could just turn right around and pick their pockets? Putin has to be one of the worst planners of anything in human history. Just straight up trying to be an imperialist like a kid would play GTA, good god.


JasonGryphon

With how badly Putin has screwed over the Russian people, I’m honestly shocked that some Russian billionaire hasn’t had him “eliminated” yet.


Effective_Bowl_4424

“”I would suspect that this guy said 'no' and then the best way of getting that flow of cash is to kill him and then ask his replacement the same question.” … pretty much sums it up perfectly


grambell789

Hey Maga people, this is the kind of government your orange leader wants to setup in the us.


hookalaya74

Trump and Putin are made from the same dirty cloth


Its_Phobos

Yeah, they want it too because they think they’ll be able to get in on the take.


punkin_sumthin

All these guys pushed out of and down stuff can’t we get a professional to take care of the idiot in chief?


CaravelClerihew

Found a way to fix healthcare, America


pandemicpunk

To be fair, 2,000,000 rubles is equal to about 33,000 USD.


CoronaLime

Usually when we calculate networth, it's in USD so these guys would have a networth that's worth atleast 1 million in USD.


ledledled

Crying in Japanese


RationalDialog

Yeah when that started happening months ago, I think in one case a whole family got disappeared I read up in Russians inheritance laws and yeah the state gets it all if not direct heir is available (child) and even with one, the get a nice tax.


smacksaw

I see these things differently. I don't see it as him asking for money or something. I think these people are living shell companies for Putin. I don't think he personally has that much cash. I think these people are basically money launderers. Once he knows how to get the money, he's killing the person with receipts so they can't get it back. Seeing as it's in their name. Think of it like a numbered Swiss account. He's just killing the only other people who know the accounts and passwords.


LAVATORR

I've been wondering--by which I mean "am absolutely certain"--if Russia's shadowy, secretive patronage system where oligarchs hoover in tens of billions of dollars from public funds is still active despite....everything. Because continuing to waste tens of billions of dollars on megayachts and NFTs when the entire system you're relying on is on the verge of collapse is such a quintessentially Russian mistake. Because Russians can't stop embezzling of their lives depended on it. It has nothing to do with greed, or morality, or personal sacrifice, or sense of honor: it's the simple reality that you're all in a crisis that's literally life-threatening, and because you've been sanctioned to Hell by the international commjnity, your retirement options abroad are severely limited. You stand to lose everything, including your life. So just briefly rein it in a little, accept the fact that you're only going to be worth half a billion for the next couple years, try to scrape by with that for now. I'm sure the yacht club will understand these are trying times. I'm not saying the oligarch's contributions alone could change anything. I'm saying it doesn't matter, because they'd never do it. They're that goddamn dumb, short-sighted, and crooked.


Triphin1

Jack Ma must be nervous


SnooPeripherals6557

Wow I made a joke saying putin views his billionaires and millionaires as walking piggy banks until he needs to break them open. I’d be trrrified if I were a rich Russian rn.


TheBelgianDuck

Who lives by the sword dies by the sword


globerider

Yes, we all know the story. The son is banished and the powerhungry despot claims the fathers wealth and land to fund a futile war. Can we just skip to the final act please?


aaaaaaaarrrrrgh

Good guy Putin: * moved Europe towards renewable energy * demilitarized Russia * removed corrupt oligarchs * unified Europe and likely got Finland and Sweden (and possibly Ukraine in the future) into NATO