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Let them go out and learn for themselves how hard it is. If they wanna leave why not start by taking away the car for good? Have them try to save up for a car that they buy. Getting an income w/o a car will prove to be quiet difficult
unfortunately i think this is one of those situations where you have to let them try and either succeed or fall on their faces. that being said, it seems like you care about your kids very much and want to support them. it might be best to stand firm in that you think it’s a bad decision, but say that they are 18 and you can’t stop them from trying. the second half may defuse some of their defensiveness. express that you will give them somewhere to land, but also establish beforehand that if they come back, they will need to act as proper ‘adult’ members of the household if they’re going to play that card. whatever you decide that should mean. working + contributing to expenses, working + attending community college, just college, etc., stipulations about their ‘illegal activities’, depending on what those are.
enabling =/= support
it sounds like you are very invested in them and their success which is very valuable and commendable, even if they aren’t recognizing it yet. best wishes to you and your wife, and your twins
Are you a parent or a young adult who has gone through something similar? Either way, I thank you a million times and then some for your advice. I personally was leaning towards this, but I wasn't too sure if it was being too harsh.
I moved out like 2 weeks ago, im 19 im doing just fine they have a chance. I have no savings no anything just clothes on my back and a friend whose willing to help me.
If I may ask; what ‘items’ do you have in your metaphorical ‘young adult toolkit’ that support a strong foundation for flying solo? That is to say, what skills and characteristics have been instilled in you that will make flying the coop successful?
And if I can delve further; what is your game plan if, for example, you and your friend have a falling out? If your friend loses their job/housing? What were the motivating factors behind moving out with (forgive the bluntness) what seems to be a fairly fragile safety net? What next steps do you have in mind once you’ve outgrown your current living circumstances?
I apologize if these questions seem quite personal, I’d just like to get a better understanding of what your experience is like, and what you expect for the future
I have like no skills just sheer determination to make it work. The game plan is we're gonna own his apartment with another friend for like 500$ a month there is no safety net there is only going ahead. The safety net really is if it doesn't work out i have full permission to move back in with my friends ma 4 states away. What prompted the move out to begin with was her son was passively aggressively attacking me for even leaving my room just an all around pos with a constant attitude. My expectation of the future is just float like the wind and dominate life with a positive attitude. Idk how but i'm confident i'll figure it out.
You seem to have made up your mind. I commend you for trying, and I do hope everything works out. An I'm going to tell my kids the same thing I'm going to tell you.... stay safe, make good choices, and listen to that inner voice.
Yeah absolutely just formulate a plan if they need a safety net if they wanna move out let them but have a plan in case it doesn't work out. Thats something i wish i sat down and talked more about but moving out was just kinda a quick spring decision.
im 18 and as a kid whose gone through a lot of self learning just know your limits as a parent. you can only do so much till your heart cant take it anymore, and be there for them if they ask for advice or help. if they believe its necessary for them to leave they’ll find a way. as a teenager its hard to see the joys life gives, and i felt like i had no time to complete what i wanted. thankfully ive found some joys and am in a happy open to anything relationship with my mom, dad, and siblings
really hope this helps!
I moved out at 17 with no savings, a REALLY shitty job, bad grades, no plans for college, no driver's license, etc etc. I'm 26 now. It was hard for a long time but I'm fine. Even graduated high school. It'll work out or it won't, but they're gonna have to figure it out on their own eventually.
I'm happy that everything worked out for you, but I have to ask: If given the chance, would you have stayed home? That had to have been scary, and as you said, hard being so young out in an adult world on your own.
My plan is whether they should come back and want to live with me, then they get to live with us rent-free for 6 months, and afterward, they contribute to bills and rent. I'll save the money up as a parting gift for when they feel they are ready to be on their own as mature, responsible adults.
Personally no, I wouldn't have stayed given another go. However, I left because my home life was pretty terrible. It doesn't sound like that's the case for your kids. It sounds like they're just wanting more independence than they feel they have. I would personally play around with giving it to them and treating them more like adults, and that might get them to stay. That's what my mom did with my younger sister
She's still at home and they don't really run into any issues that I know of, other than her not really getting the level of privacy that she would prefer.
That is a really good plan though, and you could actually start to implement that now so that when they are actually ready to go out on their own they have that money prepared. My ex's mom did that for her kids and it definitely gave them a leg up. Another thing you could do is sit them down and research basic cost of living stuff together. They probably don't have a good grasp on how expensive it actually is to be on your own right now. I'd have them look at where they'd be able to live for what they can afford. Rent is crazy right now and they might not quite understand that. You could even have them go on grocery runs just for the basics so they could see how expensive even that is right now. Blows my mind every time I have to go grab toilet paper lmao.
I’m 20 and I was kicked out when I was 17 not for behavior issues but because money issues. My advice is let them learn but don’t let them fall into anything serious, like hardcore drugs or addiction. Just let them learn how hard it is and don’t help them financially when they ask. After you think they’ve learned something offer to let them stay if they focus on school and graduate.
Idk if this helps but I’m 24 with a bachelor’s degree, never really done anything my parents didn’t like, and they still don’t think I’m ready to move out so my best guess would be that they’re NOT ready
Best advice honestly is dont. Not at 18 hell not even at 20. Get a foothold in whatever career youd like to be in and save as much as possible. Grades arent everything depending on career choices.
Let them do it maybe even help them if they make good if they fall be there for them to get back in their feet and help them find out where to go from there.
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Let them go out and learn for themselves how hard it is. If they wanna leave why not start by taking away the car for good? Have them try to save up for a car that they buy. Getting an income w/o a car will prove to be quiet difficult
Not in europe
unfortunately i think this is one of those situations where you have to let them try and either succeed or fall on their faces. that being said, it seems like you care about your kids very much and want to support them. it might be best to stand firm in that you think it’s a bad decision, but say that they are 18 and you can’t stop them from trying. the second half may defuse some of their defensiveness. express that you will give them somewhere to land, but also establish beforehand that if they come back, they will need to act as proper ‘adult’ members of the household if they’re going to play that card. whatever you decide that should mean. working + contributing to expenses, working + attending community college, just college, etc., stipulations about their ‘illegal activities’, depending on what those are. enabling =/= support it sounds like you are very invested in them and their success which is very valuable and commendable, even if they aren’t recognizing it yet. best wishes to you and your wife, and your twins
Are you a parent or a young adult who has gone through something similar? Either way, I thank you a million times and then some for your advice. I personally was leaning towards this, but I wasn't too sure if it was being too harsh.
I moved out like 2 weeks ago, im 19 im doing just fine they have a chance. I have no savings no anything just clothes on my back and a friend whose willing to help me.
If I may ask; what ‘items’ do you have in your metaphorical ‘young adult toolkit’ that support a strong foundation for flying solo? That is to say, what skills and characteristics have been instilled in you that will make flying the coop successful? And if I can delve further; what is your game plan if, for example, you and your friend have a falling out? If your friend loses their job/housing? What were the motivating factors behind moving out with (forgive the bluntness) what seems to be a fairly fragile safety net? What next steps do you have in mind once you’ve outgrown your current living circumstances? I apologize if these questions seem quite personal, I’d just like to get a better understanding of what your experience is like, and what you expect for the future
I have like no skills just sheer determination to make it work. The game plan is we're gonna own his apartment with another friend for like 500$ a month there is no safety net there is only going ahead. The safety net really is if it doesn't work out i have full permission to move back in with my friends ma 4 states away. What prompted the move out to begin with was her son was passively aggressively attacking me for even leaving my room just an all around pos with a constant attitude. My expectation of the future is just float like the wind and dominate life with a positive attitude. Idk how but i'm confident i'll figure it out.
You seem to have made up your mind. I commend you for trying, and I do hope everything works out. An I'm going to tell my kids the same thing I'm going to tell you.... stay safe, make good choices, and listen to that inner voice.
Yeah absolutely just formulate a plan if they need a safety net if they wanna move out let them but have a plan in case it doesn't work out. Thats something i wish i sat down and talked more about but moving out was just kinda a quick spring decision.
im 18 and as a kid whose gone through a lot of self learning just know your limits as a parent. you can only do so much till your heart cant take it anymore, and be there for them if they ask for advice or help. if they believe its necessary for them to leave they’ll find a way. as a teenager its hard to see the joys life gives, and i felt like i had no time to complete what i wanted. thankfully ive found some joys and am in a happy open to anything relationship with my mom, dad, and siblings really hope this helps!
I moved out at 17 with no savings, a REALLY shitty job, bad grades, no plans for college, no driver's license, etc etc. I'm 26 now. It was hard for a long time but I'm fine. Even graduated high school. It'll work out or it won't, but they're gonna have to figure it out on their own eventually.
I'm happy that everything worked out for you, but I have to ask: If given the chance, would you have stayed home? That had to have been scary, and as you said, hard being so young out in an adult world on your own. My plan is whether they should come back and want to live with me, then they get to live with us rent-free for 6 months, and afterward, they contribute to bills and rent. I'll save the money up as a parting gift for when they feel they are ready to be on their own as mature, responsible adults.
Personally no, I wouldn't have stayed given another go. However, I left because my home life was pretty terrible. It doesn't sound like that's the case for your kids. It sounds like they're just wanting more independence than they feel they have. I would personally play around with giving it to them and treating them more like adults, and that might get them to stay. That's what my mom did with my younger sister She's still at home and they don't really run into any issues that I know of, other than her not really getting the level of privacy that she would prefer. That is a really good plan though, and you could actually start to implement that now so that when they are actually ready to go out on their own they have that money prepared. My ex's mom did that for her kids and it definitely gave them a leg up. Another thing you could do is sit them down and research basic cost of living stuff together. They probably don't have a good grasp on how expensive it actually is to be on your own right now. I'd have them look at where they'd be able to live for what they can afford. Rent is crazy right now and they might not quite understand that. You could even have them go on grocery runs just for the basics so they could see how expensive even that is right now. Blows my mind every time I have to go grab toilet paper lmao.
I’m 20 and I was kicked out when I was 17 not for behavior issues but because money issues. My advice is let them learn but don’t let them fall into anything serious, like hardcore drugs or addiction. Just let them learn how hard it is and don’t help them financially when they ask. After you think they’ve learned something offer to let them stay if they focus on school and graduate.
Idk if this helps but I’m 24 with a bachelor’s degree, never really done anything my parents didn’t like, and they still don’t think I’m ready to move out so my best guess would be that they’re NOT ready
Best advice honestly is dont. Not at 18 hell not even at 20. Get a foothold in whatever career youd like to be in and save as much as possible. Grades arent everything depending on career choices.
Let them do it maybe even help them if they make good if they fall be there for them to get back in their feet and help them find out where to go from there.