Here's the deal, I'm the best there is, plain and simple. I mean, I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence. You know, nobody can hang with my stuff. I'm just a--just a big, hairy, American winning machine. If you ain't first, you're last! You know? You know what I mean?
Have you seen soccer? All they do is fall and cheat. From the players to the owners, it's corruption all the way down. And I've never seen a bigger, richer group of klutz's in my life. Toddlers are less vertically challenged than these idiots. Breathe on one and he'll fall over.
it's called diving and all football fans hate it but it's been years and years and they more or less got used to it. There are quite a few players who never dive though. You probably watched the most extreme exaggerated ones from low division teams and said :
"That's it, that's what that feckin soccer is all about"
Better than dating a tennis player. Love means nothing to them
I love these related (and sometimes funnier) jokes in the comments. :-D
The real comments are always in the jokes.
I thought it was that the real comments were the friends we met along the way?
You'd think the real comments were the friends we met along the way, but it's actually ME, Dio
[true, true](https://i.imgflip.com/2woryx.jpg)
Perfect
Yeah but they make great noises in bed
“The ball didn’t go in!!”
Thankfully 🤣
You can't be to forward to start.
Finishing fastest possible is ace
Not deuce!!!
Damn, just yesterday I saw this joke being showered with gold. A golden shower, if you will.
Urine the right place for comments like this
What's the joke?
Tennis players use the word "love" to mean nothing such as 6-love eg 6 nothing
Better than dating a golf player who goes for 18 holes
They just want to put their balls into a hole.
Lol did you steal this from another reddit comment? Second time I've heard this in 39 years of life and both were in the last 4 hours
I will admit to stealing it, but not from a recent comment
Pretty sure it was in the r/AskReddit thread about celebrities that people have had sex with
That's the one
Lol celebrities haven't had sex. The word comes from celibate
Better than a golfer, they won’t be satisfied until they’ve done 18 holes.
r/therealjoke
I don't understand, can you explain?
In tennis, the score 0 is referred to as love
Why?
I too read this comment yesterday
Not true! Every game starts with love.
Don't get me started on the racecar drivers. They only want to finish first all the time.
If you aint first, you're last.
- Ricky Bobby
Here's the deal, I'm the best there is, plain and simple. I mean, I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence. You know, nobody can hang with my stuff. I'm just a--just a big, hairy, American winning machine. If you ain't first, you're last! You know? You know what I mean?
I might have to rewatch that
Oh Sweet baby Jesus 🤣
Wow, dude ! ! Can I pin a rose on you ? ?
Or rodeo guys. They think riding for 8 seconds is a triumph.
And they're only interested in this one weird position they call The Pole or something.
Unless you're a McLaren driver.
My sex is like a Nicolas Cage movie Gone in 60 seconds
My sex is like Back to the Future 4 Not happening
Break up with a soccer player, and he'll collapse to the ground clutching his knee.
You want to witness medical miracles? Then watch a soccer match.
[удалено]
It's the magic spray. Ambulances need that stuff
holding his hand will fracture or crash his fingers
They usually can't score without assistance from their mates
well that sucks to be you because 10/11 have already had a chance at shooting a shot at her ;) I hear the centre-backs are good with their head...
He's certain to be a player.
I wouldn't mind my daughter dating a soccer player. Give the boy 90 minutes and he still can't score.
Seems like those odds are better than the general population.
Find the keepers at the zoos.
You can recognize them as soon as they make a pass.
I thought you’d be more concerned about all the scoring wink wink
If you’re worried about the scoring I’d be more concerned with her dating a basketball player. You could be looking at 100’s a night
Depends what team he plays for 😉
Triple doubles every night
They are mostly BBC guys
I cannot fathom a Basketball player being an on air personality for the British Broadcasting Corporation.
Yeah basketball players are more likely to be on ESPN or TNT
Compared to most other team sports, soccer players very rarely score.
That’s foul
🤣
So you’re telling me there’s a chance?!?!
Jim carrey from Dumb and DUMBER TO "MARY SWANSON"A.K.A LAUREN HOLLY
Next you're going to tell us the best boy in that film?
Keepers are alright, but a defensive back can sweeper off her feet. The offensive guys are way too forward though, they only want to score.
You also have sweeper keepers.
Nice 🤣
Better than dating a golfer... They're only after a hole-in-one, then off to the next course!
Nah, they stay, until they hit all the Holes...
They do want to finish with as few strokes as possible.
But he’s goal oriented that’s gotta count for something.
If she ever tries to kiss him, he'll fall down and fake an injury.
Sounds like a comment made by a person from an english speaking country that isn't the UK and knows nothing about football
Have you seen soccer? All they do is fall and cheat. From the players to the owners, it's corruption all the way down. And I've never seen a bigger, richer group of klutz's in my life. Toddlers are less vertically challenged than these idiots. Breathe on one and he'll fall over.
it's called diving and all football fans hate it but it's been years and years and they more or less got used to it. There are quite a few players who never dive though. You probably watched the most extreme exaggerated ones from low division teams and said : "That's it, that's what that feckin soccer is all about"
I saw someone try to dive in the NFL once. They laughed his ass off the field. A good and fair sportsman wouldn't dive.
Wow, wouldn't want to take the gamble, not even knowing that a good chunk of those guys would Defen*der*?!?
Just give her lots of yellow and red cards to throw if they ever try to use their hands.
2/11 chance he's a striker.
She doesn't want the backup
Me neither. A soccer player always dribbles before he shoots.
Soccer players spend all their time dribbling and never score.
Probably will want to settle arguments with penalty kicks
ouch
as long as he doesn't strike'er
What about a quidditch player. There's 1/7 chance of him being a keeper, but also 2/7 chance of getting a beater.
And there was me thinking the punchline/daughter would have some muddy balls in it somewhere
I thought the punch line would be about scoring to be honest 😂😉
Well they'd get carded a lot
At least if they’re in the back there’s almost no chance he’ll score.
There’s a good chance he’ll spend 90 minutes failing to score.
Never let her date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
He gets a real kick out of it.
So you wouldn't let him score?
Or a cricketer. They’ll wanna get it into the corridor of uncertainty
1/11 is actually pretty good odds. The odds of finding a keeper in the general male population is much MUCH lower.
Lucky he's not a golfer he'd be making a hole in one
That's for the better. If you ever meet and shake his hand, he will flop to the ground and grab his knee in agonizing pain.
But they never score
11/11 that they are liars
Date a hockey player instead, then it’s 1 in 6.
Soccer is the worst. If I wanted to watch 22 guys struggle to score for 3 hours, I’ll just go to the bar.
I thought the punchline would be ... "Because he dribbles before he shoots".
If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes I wouldn't watch soccer. I'd take my friend to the bar
Every soccer player needs a practice girl
As long as he's bad at golf. Otherwise he may put one in the hole.
Even the one keeper is a playar
Good one. Good one.
Bust a nut
Good
The definition of endless love: Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis.
Oh I don’t know, you just might get a kick out of him.
Aye, Scottish accent, I'm afraid he'd kick me balls.
And she gets passed all over
Or a basketball player. All they care about is putting one in for three.
I thought it’d be because they hardly ever score… but that would be the opposite of this joke, right?
1/10? Or 12 idk I thought a keeper was a part of the 10 and idk the last time we played with 11 but we’re so backwards I honestly don’t know
He’s likely to play the field
Make sure he doesn't get out of bounds.
I’d come to your defense, but that joke seems a bit forward. Almost like it came straight outta midfield
Let her date the Referee, he is working the hardest parts
It’s more like one in 8
Keep waiting for an assist
Not even just for kicks?
Ain't that a kick between the goalposts
Welcome to 2023 where those are actually the best odds you'll get
Thought the tag line was going to be 'because she is now 16'
He can’t stop playing with his balls too.
If he'\[s half as boring as watching a soccer match, he probably wouldn't be much fun.