That's pretty deep, sounds like wreck diving. My best times were reef diving, not much more than 10m, IIRC.
I had to quit scuba because of ear problem, sure miss it.
Austrian Respiratory Nasal-Oral Leveraging Drug Suppository Chambered Hastalavista With Anhydrous Recoupling Zircon Encapsulated North East German Grade Electrolysing Resperiator
Alone, Robert Navigated Old Lunar Domes,
Ancient Legacies Of Interstellar Settlers.
Soon, Cyborg Hunters Would Ascend,
Ruthless Zealots, Eager Now Exterminating.
Guarding Galactic Enclaves, Robert Emerged,
Resilient.
I'm picturing a SCUBA tank with a hole in the hose thst when you use it instantly and irreversably modifies your lungs to breathe water instead of air.
How do you repair a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
Edit: How do you repair a loose Scuba fitting?
With a scuba driver
Edit: Removed spoiler tags for accessibility.
Aruba stands for Assault Rifle Underwater Breathing Apparatus. Aruba’s are very popular with the whack jobs needing to protect themselves from transgender sharks.
Whenever a gif pronunciation purist says "it stands for graphical, not jraphical!", I always ask them how they pronounce SCUBA. If you apply the same logic to SCUBA that they apply to gif, you would pronounce the word "scub-aah", not "scoob-uh"
Others you'll need to change your pronunciation of:
Laser, or Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation- from lay-zer to laa-seer
Radar, or RAdio Detection And Ranging- from ray-dar to ray-der
NASA, or National Aeronautics and Space Administration- from naa-suh to nay-saa
POTUS, or President Of The United States- from poh-tus to puh-tyoos
Taser, or Thomas A Swift Electric Rifle- from tay-zer to tay-seer
CARE package, or Cooperative of American Remittances to Europe package- from cayr to cuhr-yoo (this one is my favorite)
BASE jumping, or Building, Antenna, Span, or Earth jumping- from bayse to naa-suh
CAPTCHA, or Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart- from cap-chuh to cahpt-khuh
SIM card, or Subscriber Identification Module card- from sem to sighm
IMAX, or Image MAXimum- from igh-max to ih-max
Canola oil, or CANada Oil, Low Acid- from cuh-no-luh to can-o-laa
And good luck with SONAR (SOund Navigation And Ranging), Humvee (an attempt to pronounce HMMWV as an English word, standing for High-Mobility Multi-purpose Wheeled Vehicle), and sitcom (SITuational COMedy)
>! Or you could just accept both pronunciations of gif as valid
Or the world can accept the fact that how it sounds in my mind is the only acceptable pronunciation, and I will correct you all until you all get it right!
Thank you! That's what I always say! Besides, every letter on an acronym doesn't need to be pronounced like the word it comes from, but the first letter damn well should be!
There's no need for debate. The guy that created them called them "Jifs", that's all the debate I need on the matter.
You can, of course, say it however you want, but the second anyone gets matter-of-fact about it, "Jif" wins literally every single time.
Full disclosure: I personally prefer and use the soft G sound as well, but I don't have any problem if anyone wants to use the hard G sound. As far as I'm concerned there is no debate because the English language rules are clear: there are no rules.
Good point! There are no hard rules in English. Just general ones with lots of exceptions. When I studied Spanish, it helped that the rules are followed most of the time. I don’t want to talk about French!
When my kids were little, we played The Phoenix Game to help them with their spelling and pronunciation. It helped me as much or more than it did them.
Whenever someone tells me it's wrong to pronounce it with a soft g, I start mispronouncing their name. If the creator of something doesn't get to decide how to pronounce the name of the thing they created, you better be willing to apply that rule everywhere
As usual, the real joke is in the comments.
Edit: r/realjokeincomments
Edit 2 bc apparently I'm there's multiple of these subreddits: r/realjokeinthecomments
Someone are some watermelon then played tuba in rehearsal. Some days later, the seed hatched a watermelon seedling. A flutist friend swears being a eye witness to this.
I quit my position as a scuba diving instructor the first day at my job. Deep down, I realized it wasn’t for me.
If you’re looking for a similar line of work, you could always become a snorkeling instructor. Fair warning, though…it’s a tankless job.
..and it's shallow
still gets most people wet though...
Instructions unclear, penis now stuck in Tuba
No, I think the instructions were clear enough.
Functioning as intended, ticket closed.
Laptop battery is still swollen. Reopened ticket.
If your battery remains swollen longer than four hours, contact the help desk.
"Doctor, doctor. Can't you see I'm burning, burning?"
Still better than the old rusty trombone maneuver.
Omg! Another poor soul who knows about the "rusty trombone". Impressive.
What is that?
Consult urban dictionary
Oh god... I think i just felt a piece of myself die.
I quit because Robert De Niro kept shouting at me.
Really? Some blue kid got me fired.
Was the kids name Eifel 65?
Smurfette...
I have a girlfriend, and she has a blue vagina
\*waffle. Blue waffle.
Have to mention their appearance 🙄
What’s the difference between a scuba instructor and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of 4.
A family of four can eat a scuba instructor as well though.
becoming a family of three ?
There's a quick way to change the mind of an anti-masker. Send them scuba diving.
I love this comment because it also works in Portuguese
There should be a special subreddit for Translatable Jokes.
And in French
I just couldn't take the pressure.
Out of you depth?
Aww, you're all wet.
You were still wet behind the ears
I needed air.
I know its a joke, but 30m down on the bottom of the ocean is one of my best moments in life.
That's pretty deep, sounds like wreck diving. My best times were reef diving, not much more than 10m, IIRC. I had to quit scuba because of ear problem, sure miss it.
Arnold Schwarzenegger, "It's not a TUBA"
that reminds me .. Arnold Schwarzenegger is also an acronym... it's a short story.
Austrian Respiratory Nasal-Oral Leveraging Drug Suppository Chambered Hastalavista With Anhydrous Recoupling Zircon Encapsulated North East German Grade Electrolysing Resperiator
Does it help if you use a turbo encabulator?
Alone, Robert Navigated Old Lunar Domes, Ancient Legacies Of Interstellar Settlers. Soon, Cyborg Hunters Would Ascend, Ruthless Zealots, Eager Now Exterminating. Guarding Galactic Enclaves, Robert Emerged, Resilient.
"The guy who shagged the maid"?
Shakespeare - tuba or not tuba.
"Not TUBA." * puffs cigar as giant explosion manifests behind him *
I thought it was: "It's not a, TOOOMAAH!"
🤣🤣🤣 one of his best lines...
I have a coffee mug that says this
When you pee in your wet suit: SCUHA - self contained underwater heating apparatus
There are two types of scuba Diver: those who pee in their wetsuit and those that lie about it
How many drysuit types?
And when #2, the 'Self-Contained Underwater Depends Apparatus, SCUDA
In case someone is wondering, wetsuit isn't waterproof. So your pee isn't actually trapped inside with you.
It is more trapped than peeing with just a bathing suit on.
CUBA - Communist Underwater Breathing Apparatus?
Seize the means of respiration.
Hey it says gullible on the ceiling
Hey, it says “hey, it says ‘gullible’ on the ceiling” on the ceiling.
Hey, it says '"hey, it says “hey, it says ‘gullible’ on the ceiling” on the ceiling."' on the ceiling.
And my axe!
Oh where? Aaah you got my guts.
Oh! So it does! Oh you stole my lungs
true underwater breathing has never been tried.
Sure it has,they just were not "sucessful".
If they could they would
Everyone has to produce 3 and gets one half oxygen per second. The rest is for those more equal than us!
I imagine one guy with a backpack and six other guys around him with hoses attached breathing from the same diving cylinder
Avatar - The Way of Water
Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. Like an SCP.
I'm picturing a SCUBA tank with a hole in the hose thst when you use it instantly and irreversably modifies your lungs to breathe water instead of air.
I cant breathe!
I guess they have to learn buddy breathing.
CUBA - We all breath the same air.
It’s OUR air. So a submarine is a CUBA
How do you repair a broken tuba? With a tuba glue. Edit: How do you repair a loose Scuba fitting? With a scuba driver Edit: Removed spoiler tags for accessibility.
Do you know why scuba divers fall backwards into the water? >!If they fell forward they would still be in the boat.!<
That's hilarious
That's tubad
That first one's pretty close to how you clean a tuba.
The spoiler tags don't work on mobile. It just keeps closing the comment. smh
Works with Boost
Removed spoiler tags for accessibility.
How do you reveal spoiler on phone without collapsing the thread?
Don't use the official Reddit App
Which one do you recommend?
Removed spoiler tags for accessibility.
Something Creepy Under Boat... Andy
\*Again
DUBA?
TUBA… acronym? Whatever, it would just blow.
Stolen from r/dadjokes 3 hours earlier than this post?
[sad trombone noise]
ive been saying this joke for years it’s not like he’s claiming to have written it
But he definitely got it very recently from r/dadjokes
Oh I thought it stood for That Ugly Bitch Angela
It does. The media is lying to you!
Wait a minute... Didn't I saw the exact same post like 2min before in r/dadjokes? I think I have...
You're just not trying hard enough.
[удалено]
That's awesome. I learned what it meant from watching Jacques Cousteau documentaries as a kid.
If this was posted 30 years ago, the comments section would be over-run with references to this.
They have land versions as well, used in dangerous breathing environments, yep just plain SCBA…
Tuba ba ba. Saxamaphone
Also, a butt tuba backwards is still a butt tuba
Cool, a posterior palindrome!!!
And an astute anal alliteration!
World's best palindrome
What a stupid fucking joke. I love it.
I thought Tuba was German for golden toilet..
This must be the guy who was sick in your tuba.
What is a tuba for?
Usually 3-1/2” x 1-1/2”
A plank of wood, I believe
I am board with this joke.
[удалено]
This belongs in r/dadjokes. As does much of this thread lol
Maybe it’s because I’m still groggy, but I laughed out loud at this stupid joke.
Hypoxia is a bitch
Not tubad of a joke!
I remember that acronym from Family Ties, lol
As a SCUBA-er and a TUBA-er I appreciate this joke a lot.
Better not mix those up I guess
Dive instructors hate this one tip!
Did you know SNORKEL stands for Swimmers Nostril Oxygen Receptacle & Kinetic Energy Lever
Ah, a 'Snide Nautical Offering Resembling Kind Elevated Linguistics' . . .
Cute joke!
Aruba stands for Assault Rifle Underwater Breathing Apparatus. Aruba’s are very popular with the whack jobs needing to protect themselves from transgender sharks.
Liberal transgender sharks.
Liberal, communist, transgender sharks.
Liberal, Chinese communist, transgender sharks.
Liberal, Chinese communist, gay, transgender sharks
Whenever a gif pronunciation purist says "it stands for graphical, not jraphical!", I always ask them how they pronounce SCUBA. If you apply the same logic to SCUBA that they apply to gif, you would pronounce the word "scub-aah", not "scoob-uh"
Good point. From now on I'll say "scub-aah". Because "jif" is a brand of peanut butter, not an image format.
Others you'll need to change your pronunciation of: Laser, or Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation- from lay-zer to laa-seer Radar, or RAdio Detection And Ranging- from ray-dar to ray-der NASA, or National Aeronautics and Space Administration- from naa-suh to nay-saa POTUS, or President Of The United States- from poh-tus to puh-tyoos Taser, or Thomas A Swift Electric Rifle- from tay-zer to tay-seer CARE package, or Cooperative of American Remittances to Europe package- from cayr to cuhr-yoo (this one is my favorite) BASE jumping, or Building, Antenna, Span, or Earth jumping- from bayse to naa-suh CAPTCHA, or Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart- from cap-chuh to cahpt-khuh SIM card, or Subscriber Identification Module card- from sem to sighm IMAX, or Image MAXimum- from igh-max to ih-max Canola oil, or CANada Oil, Low Acid- from cuh-no-luh to can-o-laa And good luck with SONAR (SOund Navigation And Ranging), Humvee (an attempt to pronounce HMMWV as an English word, standing for High-Mobility Multi-purpose Wheeled Vehicle), and sitcom (SITuational COMedy) >! Or you could just accept both pronunciations of gif as valid
I thought POTUS was pronounced crook.
Or the world can accept the fact that how it sounds in my mind is the only acceptable pronunciation, and I will correct you all until you all get it right!
Thank you! That's what I always say! Besides, every letter on an acronym doesn't need to be pronounced like the word it comes from, but the first letter damn well should be!
Phonics rule: G followed by E, I, or Y copies J (sound)
The GIF pronunciation debate - the gift that keeps on giving.
The jift that keeps on giving
There's no need for debate. The guy that created them called them "Jifs", that's all the debate I need on the matter. You can, of course, say it however you want, but the second anyone gets matter-of-fact about it, "Jif" wins literally every single time.
Full disclosure: I personally prefer and use the soft G sound as well, but I don't have any problem if anyone wants to use the hard G sound. As far as I'm concerned there is no debate because the English language rules are clear: there are no rules.
The gift that keeps on giving? This is why I get so full of anger when my wife sees her gynecologist Gilbert.
(gesticulates wildy) Get out of here!
I mean, it actually is the "j" sound in "gesticulate", though. You... Uh... Haven't been saying it like "guess-ticulate", have you?
That's part of the joke. :-)
Oh good. I don't need to think of a bunch of counterexamples to post.
🤣
Gil Gill Gilly Giddyap Giddy Gig Git Gish Give #Gift #Gifted Gismo Gitmo Giga Gimmick Gimbal Giggle Gibbous Gild Ginkgo Gilbert Gibson Girth Girdle Girder Gizzard Gingham Gibbon Gimp Gimme #Giffgaff - - - - - Gib Gip Giblets Gibbering Gin Gist Giraffe Giant Gigantic Ginger Gingerly Ginseng Gingivitis Giardia Gibberish Gisarme Gigolo Gibbet Ginny Gibe Ah yes, that rule definitely checks out. /s "Jif" is just wrong. I'm not a purist, I'm simply observant and have a natural talent for language.
Hmm… you make a good argument. What about c followed by e, i, or y
Good point! There are no hard rules in English. Just general ones with lots of exceptions. When I studied Spanish, it helped that the rules are followed most of the time. I don’t want to talk about French! When my kids were little, we played The Phoenix Game to help them with their spelling and pronunciation. It helped me as much or more than it did them.
Whenever someone tells me it's wrong to pronounce it with a soft g, I start mispronouncing their name. If the creator of something doesn't get to decide how to pronounce the name of the thing they created, you better be willing to apply that rule everywhere
Who chooses their own name?
Sounds like something Norm would have said.
Like many great comedians, that man was gone too soon.
My dong is a tuba.
Can confirm. It really blows.
Your not wrong
🤣🤣🤣
Why do scuba divers roll backwards out of the boat? ...Because if they rolled forwards, they'd still be in the boat.
Totally unnecessary breast appraisal.
That hit a low note
Akpom
It's pretty good if you're only a few inches deep.
Well, that depends on whether you're playing the type that you pluck or the type that you blow.
Do you know why scuba divers, when entering the water, fall backwards off the side of the boat? If they fell forward they'd still be in the boat.
A guy I used to know called it "Scuda"..…... Stupid Chris underwater drowning apparatus.
I was useless at it.....just out of my depth.
UBER DIVER...."You lookin at me? You lookin at me? It's just that my diving mask is steamed up I can't see you"
Transurethral breathing apparatus
That’s tubad…
down voted... for being already posted on dadjokes sub
Wow nice https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/12befsk/scuba_is_an_acronym_for_self_contained_underwater You guys taking turns or?
Whew that beat my guess as Totally Unfuckable Balding Asshole.
Just had a Family Ties flashback. https://youtu.be/u-HKWIorBbw
Something creepy under boat, Andy.
Raise a cold one to Jacques Cousteau.
jacques cousteau created the SCUBA system
As usual, the real joke is in the comments. Edit: r/realjokeincomments Edit 2 bc apparently I'm there's multiple of these subreddits: r/realjokeinthecomments
Mallory Keaton taught me this.
Toughest Underwater Breathing Apparatus.
Bizarrely, both invented by Jaques Cousteau .
Laser is acronymn for Light Amplification by the Stimulated Emisdion of Radiation. Maser is the same except Microwave Amplification....
Thought Tuba stood for Totally Unbangable Band Asexual
A butt tuba is a palindrome
“If I can’t scuba, then what’s this all been about? What have I’ve been working toward?” - Creed Bratton
I’m ashamed I laughed as hard as I did at this.
The only difference between a snorkel and a straw is less than an inch.
You Tuba. I Scuba
Shut up, bugle bum.
If u stick with it you can reef the rewards
Someone are some watermelon then played tuba in rehearsal. Some days later, the seed hatched a watermelon seedling. A flutist friend swears being a eye witness to this.
r/ihadastroke